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Is Caring the Bridge? Connection, Consciousness, and the Courage to Care with Dr. Tony Nader · Your Thoughts Your Reality

0:00
SPEAKER_02: Where do I fit in now?
0:02
SPEAKER_02: For many veterans, first responders, leaders, and high performers, transition can change more than the mission.
0:08
SPEAKER_02: It can change your sense of belonging, your identity, your purpose, and the way you connect with the people around you.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: What if the hearing is not weakened?
0:18
SPEAKER_02: What if connection service and genuine concern for others are actually part of what helps us heal, grow, and find meaning again?
0:26
SPEAKER_02: Today's conversation is about the connection, the third violence or resilience and consciousness, purpose, and the power of caring.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: The podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
1:37
unknown: Dr.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: Tony Nader is a neuroscientist, medical doctor, consciousness researcher, and New York Times best-selling author.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: He trained at Harvard Medical School and earned his PhD in brain and cognitive sciences from MIT.
1:51
SPEAKER_02: Dr.
1:52
SPEAKER_02: Nader is the president of the Maha Rishi, Maharishi International University and the global leader of the Transcendental Meditation Organizations.
2:01
SPEAKER_02: His newsbook, The Power of Caring, explores human connection, resilience, purpose, and the science behind why caring matters.
2:09
SPEAKER_02: And we're going to talk a lot about that today.
2:10
SPEAKER_02: His work reminds us that caring is not weakness.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: It is the powerful path toward healing, meaning, and human flourishing.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: Dr.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: Nader, welcome to your thoughts, your reality.
2:21
SPEAKER_02: If you will, tell us a little more about yourself.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Mike.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: It's wonderful to be on this podcast.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: As you mentioned, I studied psychiatry, neurology, medicine, and then went into research in the brain and cognitive science.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: At the same time, I started the practice of a simple mental technique called transcendental meditation.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: And I was looking at the same time between physiology and mind, consciousness and intelligence and behavior, and what constitutes our best assets to make life work for us in the best possible way.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, studying consciousness.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: What is consciousness?
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Where does it come from?
3:03
SPEAKER_00: And as I meditated and discovered the effects of transcendental meditation on my physiology, I went into it more and I became, you know, gradually with research and science, the leader of a global organization.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: One of its aspects is the David Lynch Foundation, which supported, which he supported for many years, teaching transcendental meditation to veterans, first responder students, and anyone who needs a way back to themselves.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: So I currently serve as president of Mareshi International University.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: And I've spent 30 years studying both the scientific and experiential side, the same question in different forms.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: What actually helps a human being be well, not just perform well, not just get through the day, but truly be well.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: And that's where my newest book, The Power of Caring, is where much of that thinking landed.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: It is a book about why caring done the right way in the inner place is one of the most powerful things a human being can do.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely love it.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for that information.
4:15
SPEAKER_02: Can we talk about the difference between transcendental meditation and other what's what's the difference there, if you will?
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Meditation is a word that deals with the mind, which means in any way you deal with the mind.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: People were thinking, you know, a long time ago, that meditation is a prayer, for example, that meditation is concentration, that meditation is contemplation.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: You think about things and purpose in life and all that.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: That you all that you do in the mind is generally meditation.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: But there are different, different kinds in the same way as you can say white powder and you have salt or uh sugar or you know, whatever different kinds of things.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: And here there are differences.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: So there are techniques to focus, to concentrate, there are techniques to relax the mind, think of your breathing.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: That's what mindfulness, for example, does.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Let yourself experience the breathing without judgment or experience as thought.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: Transcendental meditation has the word to transcend in it, and it describes that it goes beyond, because to transcend means go beyond.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: And so you don't sit there and try to analyze anything or direct your attention onto anything, except it will allow you to actually get away from all memories or feelings or thoughts or impressions and dive within to a state of inner peace and calmness.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: And it happens very naturally because we want always more and more.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: The mind is searching for more or to get rid of stresses and strains, and the inner level is more than the most.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: And as the mind settles down through the inner levels of feeling and thinking, the body also rests down, and this rests rests well, and that's how we have deep rest with at the same time alertness.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: We call it restful alertness, and that helps to release stress and strain and strengthen the inner ground on which one can think and behave in a way that is more conducive to wellness and well-being.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Love it.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely love it.
6:32
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for that excellent.
6:33
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you, I think we could do a whole podcast just on that.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: We could do that, yes.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: What was that?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: We could do a whole podcast on that.
6:45
SPEAKER_02: We'll be back tomorrow.
6:46
SPEAKER_02: No.
6:47
SPEAKER_02: So, Dr.
6:48
SPEAKER_02: Nader, when you hear connection, the third silent war, what does that mean to you personally?
6:56
SPEAKER_00: When I heard that framing, it actually hit me hard because it is exactly right.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: The first silent war is trauma itself.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: This the wound, you know, the wound that does now does not really show on the outside.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: It's an inner trauma.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: The second is what happens inside a person as they carry that wound without support.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: And the third, connection.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Connection is the war that determines whether a person actually survives the first two.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: And the data is clear.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: Loneliness increases mortality more than smoking, even more than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: And in veteran populations, disconnection after service is one of the strongest predictors of suicide, even more predictive than combat exposure itself.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: When a service member leaves the unit, the brotherhood, the sisterhood, the people who spoke a common language, the loss of connection can be more disorienting than the loss of the mission itself.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: And here is what I have seen.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: People do not usually name it as loneliness.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: They call it burnout or drift or losing myself.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: They say I don't feel like me anymore.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: But underneath many of those descriptions is the same thing: a broken thread of connection to other people and to their own inner life.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: So when I hear the third silent war, I hear the war people fight alone in the kitchen at 2 a.m.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: in a lonely place.
8:47
SPEAKER_00: It is the least visible of the three, and it may be the most decisive.
8:53
SPEAKER_02: I I agree 300% what you just said there, because that's really where the problems.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm not going to say start, but magnify.
9:06
SPEAKER_02: So I I love the way you frame that.
9:09
SPEAKER_02: Thank you very much.
9:10
SPEAKER_02: Why is connection so essential to long-term well-being, especially after someone has gone through service trauma or or any major life transitions?
9:19
SPEAKER_02: You know, you see it in different countries where their population is a family and they live longer, right?
9:26
SPEAKER_02: So can you talk more about that?
9:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, it's because the nervous system was not designed to heal in isolation.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: You know, we grew up as communities.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: We evolution brought us together.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: We are caring about each other.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: There are mirror neurons in the brain.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: So the presence of the other is very important.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: And so our nervous system was designed to heal in relationships.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Look at the biology.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: When we are with someone we trust, our vagal tone, the parasympathetic nervous system, improves.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: Cortisol drops, heart rate variability, which is a sign of healthy heart actions, it rises.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: The body registers safety, and safety is the precondition for repair.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: So with the others, we we register some kind of safety, some kind of protection.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: And the brain does that.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: We don't even have to be intellectually analyzing that.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: When we are alone with a difficult memory, the same physiology goes the other way.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: The wound stays open.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: This is true in even ordinary life, as you mentioned.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: It is, of course, amplified in transition.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: When a service member leaves the military, when a first responder retires, when a leader steps down from a role that defines them, they lose more than a job.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: They lose the daily texture of belonging.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: So the people who understood them without explanation are no more here.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: The mission that gave the day its shape is no more here.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: The mind can adapt to almost anything, but not to isolation.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Every wisdom tradition has known this.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, if you go back to the Torah, for example, it begins with a single line about human nature.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: It is not good for man to be alone.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: Aristotle called the human being a social animal, you know, or a social being.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: Modern neuroscience is confirming what everyone has always known.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: We are wired to be with each other.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: And when we are cut off, we deteriorate.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: That is why rebuilding connection is not a nice to have after service or after trauma.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: It is the terrain on which healing happens or does not happen.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely love that.
12:11
SPEAKER_02: And I I teach it constantly.
12:13
SPEAKER_02: It's so important.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: So I love the way you said that.
12:24
SPEAKER_02: You know, in your in your work, and this is a big one for me, is why do you believe caring is not weakness, but a form of strength?
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Really, because I have watched thousands of people, and the pattern is unmistakable.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: The people who genuinely care are the ones who show up.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: They are the ones who kept the mission going when it was hard.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: They sat with the grieving family, they called the buddy who was struggling, they they took the extra shift so someone else could sleep, for example.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: Caring is what you called on, what you're calling on, when discipline alone was not enough.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: The idea that caring is weakness comes from a confusion between caring and sentimentality, you know, let's call it like that.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sentimentality is soft, performs, you know, feeling without really action necessarily, just kind of sentimentality.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: That's why we call it.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Caring is the opposite.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: Caring is what makes you actually carry a wounded person across a field.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: Caring is what makes you spend 20 years cleaning up scenes no one else wants to see.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: Caring is why first responders run toward what everyone else runs away from.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: We can take you know a quote from Dr.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: Martin Luther King Jr., who said, and and he said it in one of the most important sentences of the last century: power without love is reckless and abusive.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: And love without power is sentimental and anemic.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: So caring done consciously is not the opposite of strengths, it is what makes strengths meaningful.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: The strongest people I know are people who have kept the capacity to care and they kept it intact through the hardest years of their lives.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: This is not weakness, that is exceptional discipline.
14:51
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
14:51
SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love that.
14:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, and one of the other things that, you know, we talk about strength and people, the stigma around it, if you will, when asking for help, right?
15:01
SPEAKER_02: One of the strongest things we can do, and the ripple effect or what's called the tsunami effect that it creates around the person and and everybody around them, changes it all.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: And I'd like to say that, and I I believe it 100%, that caring is the same.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: There is scientific study, you know, they call it in different names, maybe behavioral contagion, for example.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: So you do an act, and that act changes the person that you have done it to.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: If it is an act of kindness, of positivity, of help, of care, they will tend to care for others also.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: And science has shown that this can ripple over many, many layers.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: So when you care for somebody, you have a positive attitude, you will not see actually even the people who are going to benefit from that on the third force level of your caring.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: So this ripple effect is very powerful, and that is where we have to realize that you know, caring doesn't have to be huge changes and transformations in the world, but even small acts of kindness that are acts of reality, of calling somebody, of doing somebody something to somebody, of connecting with somebody, they have a ripple effect that can carry very far in society.
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: And and I want to go even further with that is for the people listening now or for later on the podcast forums, of course, is how many times have you got a simple phone call that people asked how you do it, where you felt seen and it changed your day, your week, your month, your life.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: If you go back and think about that and during your you know your lifespan, it it's I just got a chill, so I know it's true.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: When you go back and you look at that, it's it really changes the game.
16:56
SPEAKER_02: Just that simple I'm there for you, and you're I you know you're seen.
17:01
SPEAKER_02: And it really changes that.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: And can you will you talk just a little bit more about that specifically with when people feel the caring, if you will.
17:09
SPEAKER_02: We've not talked about that.
17:10
SPEAKER_02: We talked about you know giving the caring.
17:12
SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about receiving it, if you will.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, receiving the caring is again brings us back to that neuroscience of resilience, the neuroscience of being able to repair, to come back to a place where we are feeling the ability to be present, because as human beings, we are wired to care and we are wired to heal when there is a presence, because that is very powerful.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: And this is where you know consciousness over matter is very important, which means the attitude, the mind, the feeling, the sense of belonging, the sense of having a meaning, of having a presence, of being acknowledged.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: These are not just some emotional aspects, they are very real in how our nervous system reacts.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And then the nervous system has what we call a neuro, a psychoneuroimmunologic level or psychoneuroendocrine immunologic level, which is an axis where it comes from how you perceive things, how you perceive your role, where you are, and how this changes your nervous system and how it works.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: And these are real.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: It's no more like nice ideas.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: We've researched them very deeply.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: And how the neural system, nervous system works influences how your hormones are secreted.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: And how your hormones are secreted influences your immune system.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: And so the whole healing power, the whole healing process comes from this scaring, being present, which of course gives the giver also a great satisfaction.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: And we have seen, you know, scientifically those values.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: But this particular question is about the receiver and the receiver's ability to heal, and we've had that.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: You mentioned some examples, you receive a message from a friend.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: But even people, they, you know, when they call on a doctor or a physician, I've had this experience many times.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: By the time the doctor is here and arrives, the presence of caring from a physician, from a nurse, from a staff in a hospital already makes the patient get better and get cured and relax and feel that I'm taken care of.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: So the receiver has physiological changes that are directly related to caring, to connection, and to being together and having a presence and a meaning.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely love that.
19:54
SPEAKER_02: And and well said.
19:55
SPEAKER_02: It just explains it simply, you know.
19:58
SPEAKER_02: So thank you.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: Um so I you you mentioned neuroscience and being a neural encoding specialist, I can't help myself.
20:03
SPEAKER_02: I get excited about neuroscience.
20:05
SPEAKER_02: So um let's talk about that a little bit.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: And I know it's your specialty as well.
20:09
SPEAKER_02: So, what does neuroscience teach us about the relationship between stress, resilience, and of course, human connection?
20:18
SPEAKER_00: I would say for this, the short answer is that stress, resilience, and connection are not three separate systems.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: That simplifies it maybe a little bit, but that's the accurate thing.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: They are the same system, viewed from different angles.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: Here is what we know about it in a sense.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: Under chronic stress, the amygdala, a part of the sympathetic uh the part of the limbic system in the brain, the amygdala, which is the brain's threat detection center, it detects stress and detects threat being under pressure or under stress or fear, it becomes hyperactive and it actually physically enlarges.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: We've seen this enlargement even through MRIs and analysis of brain structures.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: The prefrontal cortex, which is in the front, which is the executive part, and which does usually judgment, big picture thinking, patience, it becomes less active and over time actually loses volume.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: So the system has been set like this for fight or flight response, so that under you know, specific condition, temporary condition of danger, a threat, then you don't have to think about music and beautiful things and love and care and all of that.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: You have to either fight or fly, run away, or freeze to you know make the attacking not find you because you're hiding, you're hiding from them and you want to freeze.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: So the system has retained that.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: Then when it is activated, all the Time, and that's what happens when we come out of stress and we feel we are constantly under stress, and modern society exposes us to such kind of thing.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: Then this whole thing is lost, the balance, and for example, the vagus nerve loses tone, cortisol runs high, the sleep degrades, the whole system shifts into what we call survival mode.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Now, connection is what reverses this.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: In safe relationships, the body reads the environment as safe.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Vacal tone improves, the prefrontal cortex comes back online, the amygdala comes, and there is now good evidence that this is not just symptomatic.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: The brain rewires plasticity, and the brain actually rewires under conditions of safe connection.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: Structures repair, new pathways form, and resilience on this account is not one thing important to say.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Because people think resilience is a personality trait.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: Either you are made to be resilient, you are resilient by nature, or you're not.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: And it's not.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Actually, resilience is simply a nervous system with somewhere to return.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Somewhere to return to.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: Somewhere inside you, somewhere, some friends, some activity, something.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: So your nervous system knows that you've gone through something, and now there is a place to return to.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: And that somewhere is always another human being.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: Plus, of course, an important part: an inner place, a stable inner place.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: This is why the isolated resilient warrior actually is a myth.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: The most durable human beings I have studied have three things: a nervous system regulated by an inner practice, deep connection to at least a handful of trusted people, and a sense of purpose larger than themselves.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: So neuroscience is finally catching up with what the wisdom traditions always knew in effect.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely love what you said.
24:19
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, we have been in you know fight or flight mode off and on our whole lives, right?
24:27
SPEAKER_02: And and we go back to caveman days.
24:29
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it was built for survival.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: Now, and I want I want you to talk about this a little bit, it it's so ingrained with social media, and you talked about this for a second, but I want to get a little deeper on and maybe give people a skill set to bring them back out of zoom scrolling and and all of the things that just keep us in fight and flight mode because it's so prevalent in our society.
24:53
SPEAKER_02: When you talk about maybe a skill set that will help people to pop out of that so that they realize, oh, if I go hug my wife or I go talk to my child or my friend, it can take us out of that and kind of rebalance us.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, this is what the book also talks about in terms of the techniques, because I look at caring as also a technique, a technique of opening up even oneself.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes, you know, you are waiting for somebody to care for you, which is necessary and which is great, and which we should do for each other.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: But even from one's own side, if we kind of settle down within, practice a simple technique, for example, five minutes in the morning, sitting quietly in a chair, the same chair, you know, with but without a phone, without scrolling, just being there and not feeling you have to do anything or you're responsible for anything, or there is anything to worry about.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: Just five minutes, take a few deep breaths, and let your mind settle down.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: And then think: what is something I can actually care about?
26:16
SPEAKER_00: Because my small actions, small things that I can do in a day, will open up the heart, will open up the feeling.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: And that is where, as you say, you know, you go hug a person, not just to get the hug yourself, but to give them a hug.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Just do it.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: Even by doing it, there is a connection, you know, that you will see that oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone, will get released.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: Dopamine, which is a reinforcing hormone, gets released and helps you to start doing it again.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: So these are physiological changes, which are expressions of actions, of ways of thinking, of connecting with others and bringing that connection.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: So one of the ways to get over this lack of connection, the third war, is to oneself initiate that.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: But to initiate that, you have to have an inner ground that is stable.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: We teach transcendental meditation.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: There are other techniques I mentioned, transcendental meditation at the beginning, because it has been used in veterans and trauma situations and underserved communities, even people who need to go back to themselves.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: And we have seen amazing results with hundreds of scientific research studies, which is which is really a way of caring for others that become pathway to healing, to healing even yourself.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: Because done from that inner place, it activates the same physiological systems that repair us.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: And so that is one aspect.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: Back to the self, take your time and be discerning.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: Don't feel now you have to deal with the whole universe or the whole world's problems.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: Even small acts of care, as we just mentioned, are important.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: And start small, start very small, but start also by taking the time off the just the mind being used by scrolling and by doing this and that.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Settle down, do small acts, and then you will see that this will grow.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: And if you have time or you you'd like to go deeper, practice a technique like transcendental meditation.
28:42
SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love it.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: I I want to add to that a little bit.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: So there's something that I teach people, and I'm going to keep this really quick.
28:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm not going to get into a lot of details because of time, because I'm enjoying this conversation way too much.
28:53
SPEAKER_02: So I teach people, it's called a 50-foot rule.
28:56
SPEAKER_02: And so when you're going and you're you're driving, or you're walking into a store, or you're you're anywhere, put your intention and focus on another human being and internally just say and just feel them and say, I love you.
29:11
SPEAKER_02: Just inside.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: And it's it's it changes the way you feel because there's gratefulness now you know in imprinted into you.
29:20
SPEAKER_02: And here's the crazy thing is when you do this, and I challenge you to do it just for a day, just try it.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: And it's a little goofy, you know, kind of feeling in the beginning, but do it.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: And all of a sudden the world starts opening up because you're in a different headspace and a different place, and people feel it.
29:38
SPEAKER_02: I've had some of the greatest conversations walking into a Walmart here in the United States, just because I was doing that and just it enlightens everybody around you.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: So I just want to challenge you to do that.
29:49
SPEAKER_02: Uh, just try it for a day and have fun with it because it really is a really cool little tool.
29:54
SPEAKER_02: So the the last question that we really have time for, uh, Dr.
29:57
SPEAKER_02: Nader, is for veterans and first responders and leaders for that matter, who've spent years carrying responsibility for other people, how can they care deeply without becoming overwhelmed or depleted?
30:11
SPEAKER_00: This is a very important key question, in fact.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: And that that carries a lot and far of what is needed, because you know, it's it's actually, I should say, it's the exact question my book, The Power of Caring, was written to answer.
30:31
SPEAKER_00: Let me put it this way.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: And the key distinction is ultimately between caring and what I call caring.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: Caring, caring means I love you, I see you, I am here, I will help where I can, and I know your life is yours to live.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: So give the person their freedom, their life to live.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: So caring gives energy, it does not deplete, it is a stance of presence.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: Carrying means I have to fix this, I cannot rest until this outcome is secured.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: I have taken on the weight of your life inside me.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: Carrying is love and feels like love also, but it is really also mixed with anxiety in the shape of love.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: So carrying costs energy every day, and there is no bottom to it.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: Veterans, first responders, and leaders are especially vulnerable to this because their entire training is to carry, to take the weight, to own the outcome.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: That works in a mission, of course, it's fabulous, it is grand.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: But over time, if it's the carrying all the time everybody's other burden and everybody's feeling and everybody's concerned, it actually destroys a human being.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: So the move is not to care less, the move is to shift from carrying to caring, to stay present without absorbing, to serve without owning the outcome, even.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: So you when you mentioned go out and be somewhere and do something.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: I the thought came to my mind, but what if you know they they fall on somebody who is not grateful, who have stressed themselves, etc.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: And that is where you have to not own the outcome, you do it and let go.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: That's very important, also.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: No attachment to the outcome.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: You want the outcome to be great, but don't be disappointed or imbalanced if maybe the first time or something happens that is not right.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: And it it usually doesn't, it never does.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: But in a case out of so many, it could be possible to be a first you know trial which is not so fulfilling, it can happen.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: So don't own the outcome, it's very important.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: So to love without becoming a container of another person's stress is very important.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: So the practical test.
33:25
SPEAKER_00: After an interaction with someone you care about, do you feel closer or more depleted?
33:33
SPEAKER_00: If depleted, you were probably carrying.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: If closer, even after difficult conversations, you were carrying.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: It's a lifetime practice, but actually it changes everything.
33:48
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love that.
33:49
SPEAKER_02: And you absolutely nailed it, you know, that expectation, right?
33:52
SPEAKER_02: Of what how someone else is going to react is the the worst thing ever.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: Expectations generally are disappointing, you know.
33:59
SPEAKER_02: So I love that you said that.
34:01
SPEAKER_02: And and I want to be clear in case I didn't say it with that exercise of saying I love you to people, it's internal.
34:07
SPEAKER_02: Don't say it out loud because you'll get weird looks.
34:12
SPEAKER_02: And I'll tell you what, uh, Dr.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: Nader, you bring that up.
34:15
SPEAKER_02: The first time I did it, you know, it was, you know, no one was doing anything, but the more I did it, the more I practiced it and built the strength with it, it got better and better.
34:23
SPEAKER_02: So um, I love that you brought that up.
34:26
SPEAKER_02: So, for the people listening who feel connected to your mission, what's the best way for them to learn more about your work, follow you, get your new book, of course, uh, The Power of Caring, or support what you're building?
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me and for asking this question.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: I'd love the book to be in the hands of everyone because we all care.
34:46
SPEAKER_00: We all care, even people who say, Who cares?
34:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't care, and have a standoffish kind of attitude.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: It's because maybe they've been hurt, or maybe they they wear this, you know, this sense of being aloof as a medal on their chest, but it isolates us, and in deep within us, we are made to care, we are humans.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: Only allow that inner value to blossom.
35:11
SPEAKER_00: And that is what the book teaches.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: It gives all these techniques, it guides towards transcendental meditation, it gives toward techniques of how to do things, when to do them under different circumstances, and it's you know, it's also have a little bit of science, a little bit of philosophy and spirituality, but not so much.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: It's really very practical.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: And if I hope you will enjoy it and let me know, and we can share more thoughts about it and see that the caring ripples in a way that creates happiness and health for the givers and the receivers, and as it triples for the whole society.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love it.
35:54
SPEAKER_02: And where do they find your book?
35:57
SPEAKER_00: It's available in Amazon, it's actually being released in a week or so, less than a week.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: So we're looking forward to a big release.
36:05
SPEAKER_00: It's available in all uh platforms, Barnes and Noble.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: If you want directly to order from our website for the book, it's called thepowerofcaringbook.com, where you can order many copies if you want to give to your friends.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: I have a website called drtonynader.com.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: If you like, you know, to work with our David Lynch Foundation, you can check David Lynch Foundation.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: We have programs for veterans, programs for hospital staff, doctors, nurses, etc.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: And we have also tm.org if you want to learn transcendental meditation.
36:49
SPEAKER_02: Fantastic.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to all of those sites.
36:52
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love it.
36:54
SPEAKER_02: I cannot wait to read the book.
36:55
SPEAKER_02: I truly, truly am excited about that.
36:57
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, as we know, absolutely, absolutely.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: As we know, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings, we can't get it back.
37:05
SPEAKER_02: So, Dr.
37:06
SPEAKER_02: Nader, I want to thank you personally for spending this moment in time to help our mission and really make a difference.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having that amazing mission.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: It's so beautiful, so necessary, so inspiring, and for having me, of course, today.
37:19
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
37:20
SPEAKER_02: Uh, if something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
37:26
SPEAKER_02: Sit in the chair for a minute or five and just sit with it and think about it and take an action if it's something that calls you.
37:36
SPEAKER_02: And if you know someone who may need to hear this, share this episode with them.
37:40
SPEAKER_02: You can also join us at your thoughts, your reality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and growth.
37:48
SPEAKER_02: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
37:52
SPEAKER_02: We're out of here.
37:56
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
38:04
SPEAKER_01: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
38:07
SPEAKER_01: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
38:19
SPEAKER_01: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
38:24
SPEAKER_01: Catch you on the next episode.