Latest / I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar / Skyler Higley Disobeys Bridger

Transcript

Skyler Higley Disobeys Bridger · I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: When I invited you here I thought I made myself
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: perfectly clear When you're a guest in my home You
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: gotta come to me empty-handed. I said no gifts, your
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: presence is presence enough. And I already had too much stuff.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: So how do you dare disobey me?
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Guitar solo.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Welcome to I Said No Gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We're here.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I only have one earbud in right now, and it
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: doesn't make any sense for me, audio-wise. I'm going to
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: put this other one in. I thought it would be,
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: we're experimenting with these things, and this just feels better.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I felt the weight didn't work for me, really, so
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: now I feel a little bit cozier. What's going on?
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Just trying to relax in front of the camera, let's
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: be honest. Just trying to unwind at the end of
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: the day. What I'm trying to think of, the most
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: recent thing I did was I ate a chicken sandwich
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: and I ate a chicken tender. I'd do it again.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: It was a wonderful... You can go ahead and have
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: chicken as a side. I think we need to realize
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: that chicken can also be a side. Look into it.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: That happened.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: What else is going on in my world? I have
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: yet to find a tasteful pot for my home. The
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: search continues. Don't recommend any. I'm not ordering one online.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: You can't order a pot online. The shipping, the chances
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: of it breaking, it doesn't make any sense to me.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Let's see if I have any business. I keep saying
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: we're back into Little House on the Prairie, and we
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: simply never will be. We're in a bumpy patch. We're
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: watching about one episode every six months, but we did
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: watch one last night, and the basic story was there
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: was a little girl who sold all of her hair
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: to buy her mother a dress. She cut it off,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: sold it. She looked awful. She looked like such a dummy,
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: and the mom was ungrateful for the dress, so it
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: was a It was a failure on everyone's part, but
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: it was nice to watch. I think that's about everything
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: going on. I smashed a spider on the wall on
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: my way out of the house. I'll have to clean
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: that up when I get home. Always something to look
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: forward to. Patreon.com slash I said no gifts. Go there. Join, subscribe,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: sign up, do whatever you want to get into it.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: And then have Of course, the time of your life
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: with endless entertainment. Let's get into the podcast. I've got
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: all of my business. I've got all my business done.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: I'm getting comfortable in front of the camera. It's 7 p.m.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I'm just trying. I'll say it again. I'm trying to unwind.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Let me unwind for once. I love today's guest. It's
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Skylar Higley. Skylar, welcome to I Said No Gifts. Hi.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Hello, thanks for having me. Don't sell your hair, everybody.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Don't sell your hair.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: I feel like we've had enough stories at this point
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: of people selling their hair to buy something.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: It's not worth it.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: It always blows up your face.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Also, I'm going to match you. I'm going to put
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: this in.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Did it feel weird for you?
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Well, it didn't, but I want to match. Oh, now
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: this is different. Yeah, it does. It changes things. Now
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: we're actually deeply engaged. Okay, yeah, hello.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Now it feels like VR. Yeah. It feels like I'm
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: really immersed in the space once I get both of
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: them in.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: We've jacked into the matrix. We're completely in. Hi, thanks
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: for having me.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: I'm so happy to have you here. I think, well, actually,
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: technically my mom was the first guest on this show,
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: first Utah guest on this show on the Patreon. But
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: on the official podcast, you're the first guest, I believe,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: from Utah.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Wow. I know you're from Utah.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: I'm from Utah.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Salt Lake City holding it down.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: 801, baby.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: 801. That's what we do over there. We go 801. Mormon,
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: West Side Mormons.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Where did you grow up in Utah?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I was West Jordan, then Taylorsville, then Murray.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Uh-huh.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: And then sort of Taylorsville again, kind of. Oh, no,
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: there's a West Valley time. I don't remember. You know,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: kind of moved around the valley, but, you know, close
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: to Salt Lake area the whole time. Right.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: I think we should try to make this as hyper
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: local of an episode as possible. Alienate every person listening.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Hey, you have a friend in the diamond business. Remember that?
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: The Shane Company.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the Shane Company.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Is that guy still alive?
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: I have no idea. I haven't been back in a
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: long time.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: Wow, yeah. John Shane, listener, was a diamond salesman.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Diamond salesman, yeah.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Who just kind of bore into your head every other
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: radio commercial was this guy.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, who would come on and go, I knew I
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: have a friend in the diamond business. You go, okay,
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I guess it's Shane Company, diamonds. And you go, all right.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Is that and Carl Malone Toyota is buried into my
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: head forever.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: Carl Malone Toyota is very funny to me because on
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: the side of the building it says Carl Malone's... Body
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: and paint. And if you if the paint goes out
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: of the way, it just looks like Karl Malone's body.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: You go, OK.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Nice reminder.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So, you know, that's my local stuff.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: That's very good local stuff. And now I'm really wondering
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: about John Shane.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Well, it's like every time I'm back, if the radio
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: comes on, they're still doing. I mean, I'm not back.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: that much, but they're still doing Shane company commercials. And
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: it reminds me, I go, oh yeah, this has been
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: a thing my entire life. Yeah.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: That's kind of eerie.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: And I think everywhere, everybody's local area has something like that,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: that it is, it is fundamental to this area. Everybody
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: knows it. Everybody like is aware of it, but it's
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: just like this one specific area. It tells you that
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: you grew up there.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Right. Just part of the lore.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: And yet I probably couldn't tell you a single person
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: I know who's been to the Shane company.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: Nobody. Well, I also didn't have a lot of friends
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: as a child that were like needing to buy diamonds.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: It wasn't really like, oh, God, I got to see
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: my diamond guy. Luckily, I have a friend in the
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: diamond business.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't remember anybody who was like, I went
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: to chain company.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess diamonds, as far as normal people go,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: aren't a thing you're buying that often. Right. Heading over
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: to the diamond shop.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Which is why they needed to run so many ads.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: They were like, as soon as one person feels like
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: they need to buy a diamond, they know where to go.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: It was on the corner of 72nd South, I believe.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: I think that might be.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: State Street and 70.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Well, was it maybe on the corner of State Street
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: and Murray? Yeah.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Because I remember, maybe this is not it, but I
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: remember some commercial. The listeners love this.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: No, I love.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: I remember some commercial being like on the corner of
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: State Street and Murray. But was that that?
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: The corner? But that's not a street.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: There's no Murray Street, is there?
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe it's on the State Street in Murray. Oh,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: in Murray. I don't know.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: But State Street goes, again, listener, you're loving this. This
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: goes the entire Salt Lake Valley.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: You can cruise that thing.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Up and down all the way, yeah?
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Totally. By the way, do you remember Creamy's?
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: No.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: The ice cream Creamy's?
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: No, I have no idea what this is.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: There was a local creamery, I think it was in Idaho,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: but it was a Utah thing, and we were all
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: eating stuff called Creamy's.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: Wait, are these like the creamsicles?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Yes, the creamies.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: The last time I had one of those was at
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: my grandma's house.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Expired.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I was sick the rest of the day.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: They are all expired. But I just think it's funny that,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: you know, obviously our culture is so repressed and sort
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: of anti-sex in any way. And we're running around licking
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: on creamies.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: It's very Tobias Funke in that way.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: Because I was just telling somebody on this podcast about
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: Arctic Circle and they served the brown topper.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Damn right.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: There's just a lot of things. You're like, well, let's
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: just think a few more seconds about it.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I remember I went to Utah State and there was a,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: for a year, I dropped out. but there was a
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: rule in the, in the dorms that like, if it
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: is somebody of the opposite gender, they're not allowed to
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: stay overnight, which is like, okay. So all of the
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: queer kids are just having as much sex as they
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: want because the rules are homophobic. You're like, well, two boys,
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: two girls, they would never get together. So stay over
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: if you want. But if you're of the opposite gender,
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: then no. And so like, wow, what a loophole. I
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: know it was a great loophole for all the gay
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: kids where they were having a lot of sex and
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: they were like, yeah. And, Nobody can say anything about it.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: What a weird thing. That's a state school, too. How
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: are they?
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Well, you, I mean, you know as well as I do.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: I know the answer to this question.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: The separation between church and state in Utah is paper thin.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: It's a fascinating thing to just see a religion in
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: control of a government.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, it's like it's the America is like.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Or the only functioning theocracy in America, really. It's really cool.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Fascinating.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I think it works for everybody. Yeah, everybody likes it.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Everybody likes it.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: I can't see any harm in religion kind of just.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Getting all over. Oh, yeah. If you're a woman, you
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: have to wear sleeves when you're at our local malls.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: No problem.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's not true. That's misinformation.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Wait, there was a thing, though, that my friend, you
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: know the, what is it? Was it City Mall or something?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: There's one that the big open one.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: City Creek.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: City Creek.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: Yes. This is the Mormon Church's mall.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: The Mormon Church's mall. So these are not public.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Every religion has to have one.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Every religion. If your religion don't got a mall, pfft.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: y'all falling behind. Mormons, we got malls. What y'all doing,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: rest of the religions? Don't see any Buddhist malls. That
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: would be kind of, that would be a paradox of
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: the religion.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: This is the one problem with the Catholic Church.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: No malls.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: They don't have a mall. My one big issue with
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: them is there's not a big shock beam center. They
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: could have a Mall of America situation going on. But,
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: My friend went there and was wearing a tank top
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: and she was asked to leave. You're kidding. Yeah.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: That's crazy.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they legitimately do that. And, you know, showing tattoos,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: which is a desecration of the body that is the
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: temple of God, you know.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I'm going to go to that mall on a very
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: low cut top. Kind of just mesh.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: What are you going to do? What are you guys
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: going to do about it?
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: But recently they've Mormons can now wear sleeveless shirts everywhere.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's recent?
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: This is new.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not keeping up with the news.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Well, that's why you're here today.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I've got a whole list of things.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank God.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let me know. Okay, wow. Sleeveless shirts.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Sleeveless shirts is a new thing. And so the billboards
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: in Utah are the worst billboards in the world. Yeah.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: And right now they're for something called Minky Couture blankets.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Every fourth billboard is for this type of blanket.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Minky Couture blankets.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Then there's another blanket competitor. And now there's a new
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: billboard for tank tops.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow, everybody. This is, if you don't understand as
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: a listener, like where we grew up, this is what
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: we're dealing with, is that the tank tops were foreboded
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: in our culture. And they just, in big 2026, were like,
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: you know what, guys? We're going to throw you a bone.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: You can wear tank tops now. Yeah, you're welcome.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Technology's moving very fast. Yeah. It's very fast.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, now you can see shoulder. Whoa.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, a lot of these rules kind of really
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: work for someone who's just totally ashamed of his body. Yeah.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: It worked in my favor for a while.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Because you're like, I'm not trying to show that stuff anyway.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want people seeing my arms. No, absolutely.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Not putting a tank top on. But, wow, it's really interesting.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: It's always, I do think, It's deeply alienating to other
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: people when two Utahns are talking because the vocabulary is
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: very different.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. I guess so. But it is, and it's
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: also a bunch of specific stuff. Yeah. But the reason
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: why I do this when I run into another Utah
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: person is I don't remember, like the Shane Company thing,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I would not have been able to think about. That's amazing.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: If you weren't in proximity to me, then I'm like,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Shane Company. What's a specific niche reference? Yeah. By myself,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: I can't come up with stuff like that.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: That really, yeah, I hadn't heard that thing in a while.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I never listened to it. Also, my deep apologies to
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Utah Radio, but it's pretty awful.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: So I don't listen to a lot of radio when
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: I'm back home, unfortunately. But I'm missing out on the
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: Shane Company commercials.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: But now you have L.A. and you have Top Dog Law,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: and that's incredible. These Top Dog Law commercials, the most
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: high production commercials I've ever heard. What L.A.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Radio stations are you listening to?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: I don't know. No clue. It's just whatever is on sometimes.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: And I go, oh, OK. And then there will be
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: a really long just if you don't if you haven't
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: ever heard these commercials, it'll be some crazy soundscape. Cars,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: just like police cars. And then suddenly someone is screaming,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Top Dog Law! And it's crazy. They try so hard
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: on these commercials. It's the most incredible thing I've ever
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: heard in my life. They're doing like War of the
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Worlds level audio dramas for these Top Dog Law commercials.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: It's crazy. I think you can do things like that
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: in L.A. because there are so many people who want
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: to be doing that type of job. And you're like, well,
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: I guess I'll do it for an ambulance chaser.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I get to be a foley artist for a scammy lawyer.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why not? I like to believe that top dog
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: law is not going to scam you. That's what I'll say.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Legally, we should say they are not a scam. Top
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: dog law is probably the best legal team you can find.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: You're looking to.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: I'm not about to cross top dog law.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Honestly.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: You hear those commercials, imagine what they can do to
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: you for real.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: And if I were to be hit while riding on
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: my bike, I'd probably turn to top dog law first.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: Let's be honest.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: When I'm looking for serious legal advice, the words that
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: come to mind are top dog law.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, anybody who's the top dog of anything, I think, yeah,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I'm going to listen to them.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: It just makes sense to me.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: It just makes sense. He's top dog.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: So I guess they don't have just one lawyer. I
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: guess we've kind of moved past just having one ambulance-chasing lawyer,
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: where it used to be, like, the one guy. Right.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: Now it's a whole team of people with, like, a name, like,
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: top dogs.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean, I think it is that thing of, like, well, once,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: you know, because there's, of course, now we're going L.A.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: local stuff. There's Sweet James.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: Sweet James Norman.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Now, I'm... Was he?
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I found this out through Real Housewives of Orange County.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Oh!
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: The lately learned thing.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Sweet, that, I guess that makes a lot of sense.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I guess that makes a lot of sense. What was
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: the modern thing, like be sweet and something?
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, keep sweet and... Carry on?
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: You're thinking of a different thing. There's like a be
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: sweet and multiply or something. No, that's be fruitful. That's different.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: There's something that they say to young women that they
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: say be sweet and like whatever.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Remember, you know how with the young women they go
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: be sweet and shut up. Don't talk if you're a woman.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: I think that's exactly what it was.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: It's kind of that. Anyway, sweet James Mormon. Interesting. I've
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: got to. Well, let's figure that out.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: I'm now Googling that. Just like the moment I say
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: anything that seems like a fact, I say.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Go ahead and double check.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Was it keep sweet, pray and obey? Boom.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Keep sweet, pray and obey.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: Don't love to hear that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, ex-Mormon.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: Ex-Mormon. Okay, Sweet James got a little sour.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he got a little taste of fame.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that. Okay, but with those, I'm like,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Sweet James, that can't just be Sweet James. He's working
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: with a bunch of people.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: Right, he's exploiting a bunch of lawyers. And again, legally
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: he's not, but there's a chance he's exploiting a.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Bunch of lawyers. How pissed off would you be if
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: you went to Sweet James and they go, oh, we're
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: putting Kevin on your case. And you go, I came
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: for Sweet James.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Yes. If I don't get the guy on the billboard,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: what am I bothering for?
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: What taste is Kevin? I don't even know. You just
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: gave me Kevin. I came for Sweet James. What the fuck?
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: What the fuck? I want Sweet James. Now I just
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: have no taste, Kevin. I'm going to lose.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Who's the lady with the insurance and the.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: German veronica veronica's insurance yeah.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Wait did you hear about i think it's veronica and
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: like adriana or something and they're like sisters and they
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: had beefing insurance companies right what there's something like that
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: where they in they but they had because they i
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: saw one that was like a billboard style that was
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: like i think it's veronica and it's styled like veronica
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: and then like i was driving a little further and
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: then there's a billboard of the exact same style same
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: composition and then it was like adriana and i was
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: like What the fuck is going on? And there are
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: these two competing sister, I think it's insurance companies.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, insurance.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: They might be lawyer, whatever. But they had a thing
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: where they had beef and they had a falling out
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: and then they were competitors. And then they did that
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: thing where. They are pretending to be competitors, but I
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: think ultimately a part of the same thing. But they
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: market separately. They market as if they're competitors, but they
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: have the same style of whatever. Right.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: You call one and they give you a quote and
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: then drive you to the other one.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: And then they have a slightly lower quote, which they have.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: And again, legally, we don't know.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: We don't know. I don't know anything about the law.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: If I was in a huge fight with my sister
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: and we both ran insurance companies, hypothetically, we would create
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: a scam.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's something like that. Those details might
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: be wrong, but everybody who's listening probably has Google and
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: they can look it up.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: That is crazy.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Wow, it's something out of a beautiful fairy tale. Veronica
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: and Adriana.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so anyway, that's Billboard Talk for y'all.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: This is my new podcast, just billboards I've noticed.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: What's going on with the billboards, locally or otherwise? Everybody,
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: leave a comment. What's going on with your local situation?
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Who's your local billboard person?
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Freak. I think you actually might get a lot of
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: interesting things when it comes to that.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: I want to see people post pictures of your local billboards.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: freak on a billboard or worst billboard. I want to
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: see these and tag us because this is something that
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: haunts all of us.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's ubiquitous. I really love things that
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: are ubiquitous yet unique where it's like everybody experiences this,
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: but everybody experiences a different version of it. It's not
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: like we all have the exact same reference points, but
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: everybody has local jingle, local billboard, local... freak of some kind,
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: some local legend or some weird lore that like it
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: happens everywhere, but no two places are the same.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: No, they've got just like the dials slightly turned.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: But you and I have a dial right at the
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Shane Company.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. It's incredible. Absolutely.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Well, there's something else that we're not quite in tune
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: with each other on. And so I think we should
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: just turn to that now. The podcast is called I
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: Said No Gifts.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: I was looking forward to having you here.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I unfortunately did bring a gift.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: And you did bring a gorgeous gift.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Should we open it here on the show?
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I think we should. You know what? Not only do
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I think we should, I demand we do. Okay.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Wow. Interesting.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: Defiant.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm sort of, I'm demanding, you know, I grew up,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: you know, Mormon and I think that I have to
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: be very domineering and controlling in every situation.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: And I need to keep sweet and the other two things.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: And pray and obey. Yes.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: Terrible. Let's get into this. It's in this kind of
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: beautiful black bag.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Beautiful.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: It's sort of the best gift wrapping there's ever been.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Very nice.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: More gift wrapping. Newspaper courtesy of Vinnie Thomas. Everybody, Vinnie
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Thomas fans in the chat.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Thank you. always providing.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: He just lives on a pile of newspaper. So I
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: had to, you know, I had to go, Vinny, you
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: gotta get yourself a home.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: Weekly circulars.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay. Now we're getting to it here. Oh, this
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: is incredible and great for a podcast.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: They're mini rawhide maracas.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: And brand new, by the way. Very nice.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Brand new.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: This isn't something you found in your sock drawer.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. This was something that I went
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: out and got specifically for you.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Why did you bring these? I'm going to start opening this.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Well, because A, it's podcast audio medium. I thought it
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: would be fun. I thought it would be a little...
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: It's party vibes. Totally. You know?
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: And then.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: And also... You know, you just, you just, I feel
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: like you need to, as one great woman once said,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: shake it off. And I feel like we came from
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: a place that was very sort of anti-party in a
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: lot of ways.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: And I thought that, you know, using the maracas might
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: be a fun way to just sort of shake off
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: the pain of where we came from. But also sort
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: of a kind of a West Coast or more Western
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: feeling kind of thing, you know, are sort of.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: Should I start?
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I think whenever you want.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: I can't remember the last time I did a maraca.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: How do you do, like, maraca, like, if you're a professional?
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: I was just thinking about this. Like, who is the
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: best maraca-er?
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: There's got to be one.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Are there any specifically maraca players?
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: I feel like if. I feel like you can't specialize
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: in the maraca.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: It's like part of your toolkit. Part of the percussion of, yeah,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: that's true. It's like if somebody was like, oh, I'm
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: a kick drum guy. You'd be like, what? That doesn't
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: make sense. That's one of the drums.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: What happened to you?
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: You don't get to do just kick drum.
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: Right. Although, I mean, I'm not discouraging anybody. If you
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: just want to play a single piece of percussion, go
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: for it.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: If you want just one part of it, then that
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: would be cool. I tap my foot.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, you can do a decent dance beat.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: That's kind of all you need.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: You could. So maybe we're wrong. Clearly, look, I'm not
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: an expert in many things. In fact, almost nothing. Not
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: the law, not music, not percussion. So I can't tell
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: anybody what to do.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: Do you play any instruments? I'm just going to do
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: this throughout the episode.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I think this is a good ambience. I play
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: a little bit of guitar, a little bit of piano.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Not that good at either, but guitar, I can do
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: a couple of the chords. You know?
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Can you play any songs? Not anymore. I used to
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: be able to.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: Which songs?
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: I used to be pretty good at, well, but it's
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: literally just like a four chord progression. I remember learning
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: like some Kid Cudi songs in middle school. Yeah. That's like, no,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: not a song you would think at all for the guitar.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And then like, what did I have? I had bits
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: and pieces of things where I was like, I played
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: a little tiny bit of Green Day stuff and a
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: little tiny bit of like Panic at the Disco or whatever.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: I used to be able to know how to do
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: that for a little bit.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Did you teach yourself?
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I had guitar classes for a little bit and then
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: a little bit of self-teaching and then just kind of nothing.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: And I really feel like if I had the time now,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: because I recently tried to start kind of playing around
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: with piano again. And it is something that I simply
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: just don't have a lot of time for and not
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: a lot of I don't have the effort and energy
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: that I once would have had to like develop new skills.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: It's like, well, it becomes much harder to develop.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: It becomes way harder. And well, and they say it's
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: because like. your child brain is so much better at
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: like getting a new skill or whatever. And I don't
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: believe that at all. I believe it's just simply because
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: you don't have to pay any bills and you don't
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: have to worry about that stuff. Whereas now you try
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: to pick up the piano or something and they're teaching
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: you like, okay, like here's what a jazz scale is.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: And you start to go, oh, okay. So here's the
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: jazz scale. You know, you got a G. You got
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: to pay some student loans. And you're like, oh, shit, no, no, no, no.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I just think that you have less brain space for
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: starting to play stuff.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you make a good point because if it were
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: true about the childhood thing, it didn't work for me.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: I'm proof that I have zero skills.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I just think that it would be– I just
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: think it's easier because you have the time. I mean–
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: In reality, it's probably a combination of both or whatever.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Don't get mad at me, internet. But I really think
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: they are undervaluing the skills acquisition period is like because
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: there's nothing else going on. I mean, even language acquisition, right?
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: They say there's. a certain time when young kids and
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: babies are better at language acquisition in your brain. But
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: it's also like, the fuck else are you going to do?
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: The fuck else you got going on?
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: You don't have a job.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Aside from learning the language, the things that everybody's saying
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: around you, the fuck else are you going to do?
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I would hope you did figure something out.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: If I had almost no motor skills, I had nothing
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: else to do in my entire life. Yeah, I'm learning
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: a lot of languages. But unfortunately, I have a whole
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: bunch of situations. I got to... I've got to call
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: my parents. I have to maintain social friendships. I have
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: to maintain my bills. I have jobs and stuff. You
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: know what I mean? I think that they're getting off
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: too easy is what I'm saying about the kids.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: And I don't have a parent hanging around to get
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: mad at me for not doing it. Exactly.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: I would pay for that.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: I guess that's what like a personal trainer is.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: That is sort of what a personal trainer is. Are
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: you into any of these like life coach stuff? No,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: but I feel like it doesn't work for anybody.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: Every five years, like you'll hit some low and you
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: start thinking, I wonder if it's time to look into
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: some sort of advice and then fortunately move past it
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: before I get trapped.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: I'm sort of in that, I'm sort of in a
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: period of feeling like I want a lot of, I
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: walk around, and I think this maybe goes into the
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Mormon aspect, or maybe it doesn't, but right now, I
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: have a lot of the feelings of like, I need something,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: but I don't know what it is. What do I need?
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I'm doing a lot of, what do I need? Something,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: I want something. I have to fix something and I
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: need something, but I'm not sure what it is I
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: really need. Right. You know?
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: Let's go over a list. Let's find the hole in
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: your life.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: No, but it's not even an actual, I don't think
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: I could identify it in a way. I think it's
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: a little bit deeper as far as like a- Yeah,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: it's like a disposition thing where I go, I am
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: consumed by desire.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: And yet I'm also like, but how am I going
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: to find happiness? I just think that there is.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: And it is possible you can find permanent happiness. That's
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: a promise I can make. OK, see, I just have
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: to try hard enough.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: OK, see, I knew it. I absolutely knew it. Yeah.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's I have to develop a new version of spirituality.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Maybe I should. Maybe I should get a podcast where
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I make people bring me gifts. I bet getting stuff
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: is making you happy.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Bring you religious ideas. Try to convert you to their religion.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just come in and I go, hey, pitch me, guys.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Pitch me. I'm open. I'm listening.
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: That podcast could end at any time. Right.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: It's the first one. I go, this one.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I'm Jehovah's Witness now. Let's go.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: I get a lot of Jehovah's Witnesses at my door.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's weird.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a... I hate getting anybody at my door,
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: so I'm just in a bad mood immediately.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Well, and also, you know, being from the religion that
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: we were in, it's like, well, people coming to the door,
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: you're like, I know what the game is.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: I already know what this is all about. I don't
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: need you to knock on the door and tell me
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: about your version of whatever Jesus is. I know. First
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: of all, you're coming with no gifts aside from a pamphlet.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: You like their art. Jehovah's Witnesses have great art.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: In what way?
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: Just it looks insane.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. I thought you meant like prints and stuff.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: No, like all of their pamphlets have like really almost
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: disturbing images on them. Like in 2012, I had a
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: Facebook group for Jehovah's Witnesses art and they shut it
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: down because of copyright reasons. But I really loved the art.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: It's their fault.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, I got to look into this because I do
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: feel like certain religious sections of whoever– They do sometimes
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: tend to have really interesting art where you're like, OK,
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: you're all following the same style. And it's also so
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: crazy sometimes. It's really cool what people are able to
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: do with like, well, we're all doing Jehovah's Witness style.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: But I do also when they come to the door,
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: there is a little bit of me that feels for them, too.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: So it's a kind of a trap for me.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Well, do you? Because I know that they sometimes, at
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: least in my friends who were Jehovah's Witnesses, they sometimes
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: have children go to doors with their parents and stuff.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: But are these are these because, you know, I'm thinking Mormon.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like, they're not like young men or women.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: These are like people in their 50s and 60s. Yeah.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: So they're like old. Well, that's the that's the thing
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: with them is why I feel really bad where it's like, oh,
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: you did not have to be tricked into this. You
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: chose to do it. You want to do this. And
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: that sucks. That sucks! Why are you doing that? You
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: could be doing anything else. Have you ever heard of
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: a PS5? Have you heard of it? If you heard
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: of a PS5, you would not be wanting to go
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: door to door.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: You could be playing Resident Evil right now.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: You could be... Listen, you could witness a lot of
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: stuff on Resident Evil. Jeez. They're like, and especially, look,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: you guys don't have holidays. You're going to want to game.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: You've got to find something to do.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: You've got to want to. What do you guys do instead?
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: What is your, what is your, what are your hobbies?
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know. If there are Jehovah's Witnesses listening, no offense.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: We love you.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: But stay away from my door and also find stuff
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: to do, hopefully.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: That breaks my heart, the idea of taking your kids
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: door to door, yet they don't get to go trick-or-treating.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: fuck that's a tough pill to swallow oh my god
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: not nice oh.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: My god i've never thought about.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: That before i don't like to think about that.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: They're so close they could be going around on the
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: day of halloween and they go oh you want candy
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: and they go no no no actually we're not participating
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: in that we have something to pitch you literature you
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: came out on the worst day You came on the
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: worst day. You're not supposed to come out on Halloween.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: That's devastating. That is devastating. I've never thought about that before.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: That's maybe the saddest thought.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: I've ever thought about. Yeah, that's really tough. Do you
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: want to play the maracas?
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I absolutely do.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: I'd like to see you give these a shot here.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hear that, listener? That is genuine leather.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: That is a cow died for these maracas to happen.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: And I think the balls inside are metal, so some
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: of the earth died as well. Or maybe they're seeds.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe it's like pumpkin seeds or something.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: I actually don't know if they're real. They're probably faux leather.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: Let's see. These are mini rawhide maracas.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, rawhide.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Natural rawhide shells.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: Natural rawhide, you guys. Crime was committed against an animal
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: for this.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: They're great for light studio work.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Imagine you're a cow. Imagine you're a cow. You eat
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: grass all day long. All you ever do is eat
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: grass and shit and you just do cow stuff. And
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: then one day, somebody comes up, they put a bolt
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: in your brain, as they do, and you are in
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: this cosmology. Cows have souls and they don't immediately go
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: to heaven. They see what happens to their body. You
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: see what happens to your body and, you know, a
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: lot of it's taken for beef and they're– sending it
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: to Wendy's and Carl's Jr. and all our favorite places,
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: but they go, what are they going to do with
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: my skin? What's going on with my skin? Some of
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: it is going inside of Alexis for the seats, and
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: some of it is getting wrapped around these little things,
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: and there's this funny man playing pieces of my skin
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: on the I Said No Gifts podcast, and the cow
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: has finally seen the end of its journey and now
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: gets to go to cow heaven.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: It's kind of a... If I'm going to get a
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: bolt shot through my head, ending up as an instrument's
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: not the.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Worst case scenario.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's cool.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? You could just be shoes. This,
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: if you're a cow and you died, you're like, okay, well,
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: at least it's... We're having some fun. At least we're
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: having fun. Oh, no, I hit the mic.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to think of how, do you, like, do this?
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: I don't consider myself a natural type for a maraca play.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: No, I get it. I get it. No, you're not
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: giving bachata or whatever. You're not giving super maraca. But
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: that's what I'm saying is this is why it's for you.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: You could unlock something.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, like, this could be the next era of
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: your life. You could be at parties. Oh, what's up? Hey,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: I'm Bridger. And they're like, what's going on there? You go,
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I just like maracas. What, do you
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: not like maracas?
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: Imagine getting blacklisted because you bring maracas to parties.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he won't stop bringing maracas to parties. He gets
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: blacked out and then he shakes them really hard. He
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: won't stop maracking. And we say, Bridger, please stop. And
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: he goes, no, no, it's a part of me. A
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: cow died for this.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: I'm going to bring these to my bag from now on.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: It's a little fun thing. It is fun. Why not?
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: It's kind of addictive.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: Well, it's also like I think you could make like
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: a really good– I think these can underscore something that
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: you said really well. Like say it like a really
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: good like hot take point.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, let's see here. Oh, this is something I've been
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: talking about recently. You should not have to pay for sauce.
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: There we go.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: Isn't that awesome?
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: That's great.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Wait, do another one. Do another one. We'll give them three.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: Let's see here. Wow, I'm so slow tonight. Let me
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: think for one second. I want a really good one.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: Okay, I'm coming up on one here.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: This is just thinking Maraca.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: When I smile at your dog, you should smile at me.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, this is awesome.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: Morocco takes.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Okay. Morocco takes. Oh, my God. Cut the cameras. Cut
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: the cameras. Cut the cameras. Oh, well, you know, speaking
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: of Morocco takes, here we go. If you don't ride
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: the subway in real life, you should not be allowed
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: to be on subway takes. Wow.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: That's a solid one because they got a lot of
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: people now. Who are taking, you know, private cars.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: They're taking private cars to the meetup to shoot, to
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: ride for one thing. And then they go, ugh, ugh,
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: let me get away from all these poor people.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: To say a take that their assistant came up with. Right.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They had to take pitches and they had to
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: order somebody else. I don't... What, do you think I
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: think about stuff? Do you think Jennifer Lopez thinks about things?
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: No.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: No.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: She... Some... Oh, give me a take that makes me
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: seem relatable to people. Okay, sure. Yeah. Kareem, I love you,
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: but you gotta stop letting these people on. They're too,
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: they just don't take the subway. It's just not fair.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: Was J-Lo on?
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: Yes. Wow.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: What was her take?
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: I don't remember. It was something like, oh, there's a
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: good way to make mac and cheese or whatever. It
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: was something stupid. And it was just like, I don't
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: need this from you. Or at least like, say like.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Do a crazy rich person's take.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Do a real one that you think... Do a J-Lo
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: thing that only J-Lo could say.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: The middle class should be killed.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: There we go.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: You go, oh my God, that's what you think? All right. Well,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: at least you were honest.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: It's a take.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: At least it's a take. Or just, or something about...
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: another musician of your caliber or some, the music industry,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: they don't, these celebrities, they want to risk nothing. Not me.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Not me. I came out, I've been bearing it all
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: to you people.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: I got nothing to lose.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: I have nothing to lose.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Who cares?
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: I'm still on the subway.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I take the subway. That's what it's about.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: Well, this is wonderful. What a tool you've provided me.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is going to be a gift that keeps
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: on giving in.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: A lot of ways.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: What are the gifts that people usually bring? Are they functional?
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: What do they do?
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Almost completely non-functional items. Largely, as you can see around us,
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: largely decorative.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, so the Joseph Smith was, this is a gift.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: Skyler is referring to the picture that kind of looks
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: like me from Michael Urie. Yes.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Okay. But here's the thing. Without the glasses, you cover
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: the chin. I'm not going to move too much. Yeah.
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: It's Mary Joseph Smith. Okay. Interesting.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: It's a beautiful situation you have going on.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: A lot of non-functional things.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: The warrior cats. Okay.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to think of anything.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: This says Joel Kim Booster on it.
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: Wait.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: Hold on. Oh, yeah.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Joel brought that. Now that's my award for best comedy
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: podcast or whatever.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: The asian american podcasters yes.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: I put in the work wow that's beautiful okay wow
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: that's that's incredible yes it was about time wow um
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: so i'm winning awards i'm doing it all on this
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: podcast incredible work that's being done here but i think
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: this is the first instrument wow okay people instruments are
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: good gifts they're genuinely you give you want to give
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: somebody something fun Get them an instrument, something they can
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: do something with. Right. Somebody bring me a bass guitar.
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: Put that out into the world.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Did you just learn the bass?
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: I'm going to.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: That would be great.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: If a guest brings me a bass guitar, I will
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: learn the bass.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: If there was something that you could learn right now
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: that you want to learn, what would the new skill be?
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I would love to learn to play the guitar. But
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: it requires so much dedication. It really requires nonstop because
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: your fingers basically have to turn into different types of fingers.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: You've got to change your fingers for sure.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: I just don't have time to change my fingers.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: I'm using them for a lot of other stuff.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: I can't be doing that now.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: I'm pushing buttons.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's something that's just a different moment. Why guitar?
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: What songs would you play?
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: That's a great question. There are a lot of songs.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: I listen to a lot of guitar-based music.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: Gotcha.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah. What have I been listening to recently?
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: Jason Mraz.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: Then put a bolt through my head.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: You have to wear the fedora when you're playing it.
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: No, I've been listening to a lot of New Order recently.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I like the tone of their guitar when they're playing guitar. Um, no,
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: there's most of the music I listened to, uh, uh,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: has some level of guitar in it.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: One song I've, I bought, I got a guitar 15,
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: 16 years ago and tried to learn because I wanted
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: to play this song called sea of heartbreak by Don Gibson,
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: an old country song.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: One of the best songs ever. Um, simply didn't because
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: it requires.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: A lot of effort. My, I have a friend that's
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: really good at guitar and it is just like, you know,
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: you see what they can do with it and you go, Just,
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be there. And it's like, when did
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: you start? You're like, oh yeah, I started playing guitar
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: like really when I was like nine.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: You go, all right, well, I'm not nine.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: So I guess that's not gonna happen. But you can
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: always learn a new skill. I do feel that way
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: deeply in my heart.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: What would you learn?
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say either the piano or Spanish.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, language would be so nice.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: Language is– and that's one that you can definitely do. And,
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: you know, maybe– I think someday– I am always worried
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: that I'm going to be forced into a situation where
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: I am going to have to learn it. I'm going
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: to be some in some foreign country, whether I've been
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: exiled or have to flee. And I am going to
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: be there and just have to learn whatever it is.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: So then I go. Well, at that point, I'll just
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: figure it out because I'm not worried about it.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll wait until there's a gun to my head.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: I guess I'll just do that. But I just think
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: that it's a very– I'm also interested in what knowing
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: multiple languages does for sort of your brain and your
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: humanity and how you think about concepts and stuff. I
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: had an experience where I was in Denver. I was
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: pretty high on mushrooms. And I was it was for
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: the High Plains Comedy Festival. I was in a I
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: was feeling too high. And I went to try to
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: go back to the hotel room. This was sort of
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: right as all this when Trump took Jimmy Kimmel off
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: the air for a second and all this stuff. So things,
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: it just felt, you know, not that I was like,
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: oh no, Jimmy Kimmel. But it did feel intense in
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: the way that like.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: Like unprecedented weirdness.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: Unprecedented weird. I didn't like, I was, and I was
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: having a lot of feelings because I was like so
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: super high. So I'm spiraling in the hotel room. I
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: go out to the hallway to like get on the elevator.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: And then the housekeepers who were only speaking Spanish were like, something,
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: I couldn't tell what was wrong, but something was wrong.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: They were kind of going back and forth in a
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: way that felt like they were like semi-upset about something
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: or trying to resolve something, but like, I didn't know
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: what it was. And then I started spiraling about how
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: I didn't understand these people. I didn't necessarily understand what
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: was going on. The fact that I didn't understand made
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: me scared, but it was also like, And then I
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: was getting, it made me realize like, oh, where a
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: lot of this like bigotry, anti-immigrant kind of sentiment comes
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: from is just this otherization because people don't inherently and
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: reflexively understand other people and people are different from them.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: And that is what has like empowered a lot of
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: like fascism to happen because people are like nationalistic and
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: jingoistic and just afraid of other, even though these are
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: just two people trying to figure it out. And then
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: also everybody's afraid, they're like, oh, these people are taking over,
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: where I'm like, these are people in service roles in
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: the service industry. Yes, maybe they are coming into our
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: country and like there's more other people than there were before.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: But it also it doesn't like matter. And everybody's getting mad.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: And I was just like spiraling about this in this
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: this elevator. And I'm like, the elevator is not coming.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: I'm being here for so long. And maybe it was
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: a normal amount of time. But I was just going
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: in and in about all of just the. The immigration
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: stuff and all of the issues, and it just made
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: me upset that people don't understand each other. I was like,
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: we all just have to learn more languages, and then
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: everybody will get along.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: This is a beautiful mushroom trip experience.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it was really stressful. I was really freaked
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: out because I was getting upset about understanding languages. just
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: the fear of not understanding what is going on, but
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: then still being mad that people were just gave themselves
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: to that fear and let other people make, like let
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: the powers that be make you afraid of others instead
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: of just being like, this is just another person that
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: speaks a different language from me. It doesn't make them
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: fundamentally different or better or worse than me in any way.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: And that was the big problem. Also in almost that
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: same interaction, I get on the elevator, I go down
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: and then, uh, Like and I was just in the
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: hotel lobby and a white guy came up to me
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: and asked me if I worked there. I have a
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: little joke about it. But it like that is there's
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: just so much going on racially in my brain and
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: sort of class wise that it was just sort of
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: a big thing. But all that to say, I would
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: really love to learn a language.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: Where did you end up at the end of this
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: mushroom trip?
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Where I ended up was, wow, what a day.
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: You're running for governor of Colorado.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm running for governor and I'm going to
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: fix everything. And no one's going to be mean to
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: anyone else anymore.
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: I think that's a very constructive trip, you know?
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: It was at the end of the day. It was
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: pretty constructive, but it was just like.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: It's a lot to go through on one elevator ride.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: It was ill-advised and it was also that thing of like,
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: I hadn't slept a lot and I had just got
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: off the plane, but then... There were a bunch of
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: comedians there and everybody was doing mushrooms. So I kind
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: of had gotten mushrooms too fast and I shouldn't have
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: had them. But we were all at the park and
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: everybody was having fun. And I go, yeah, you know what?
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: I'll do it too. And then it was like, you
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: haven't eaten and you haven't slept. It's a bad idea, actually. Actually,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: maybe that's too much. But it was, you know, I
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: guess it was constructive. And I think it was good
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: for how I think about the world, I guess. Even
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: though I feel like I was already on that page,
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: but it just felt present.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you know things, you think things, but then you
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: have certain moments where you actually feel them.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: Really clarify.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: In a present way, you go, damn, nobody should be racist, y'all. Hey, y'all,
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: don't be racist.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: Shoot.
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: You learned that on that elevator.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: And that's the day I learned that racism is bad.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: Shake Maracas. Shake them. Fuck. I'm too late.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: See, this is why I'm not a professional maraca player.
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: It's so embarrassing. Well, I think we should play a game.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: We're going to play a game called Invite List.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: Do you have anything to recommend or promote?
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes, I do. So, if anybody... wants to. That's
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: a weird way to start that. I'm going to start
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: that over. Hey, if you guys want to listen to
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: the Help Me Be Black podcast, it's a new podcast
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: that I'm doing. You know, we've touched on it. I
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: was raised Mormon. I was also adopted by white people,
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: white Mormon parents. And so I didn't grow up around
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: any black culture or anything like that. So we bring
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: on a different black comedian every week and we just
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: talk about Something in terms of blackness, sometimes it is
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: actually instructional and they are telling me what to do.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we're just talking about it in the abstract and
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: we talk about blackness sort of broadly, culturally, what the
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: philosophy of it, how it feels to be black and
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. And, you know, sometimes people might be like, well,
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: that sounds really tough, but it's really fun and silly.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: I think at this point, you know, my vibe. So
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: things aren't going to get too dark except for when
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: they do, baby.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: That's a great idea. I should do that for being gay.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: I'm going to copy your podcast. Yeah, copy my podcast.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Do the whole thing. It can be a spinoff. As
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: long as you, you know, I am not gay, but
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: still happy. You can be an EP on it. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, hey, from the help me universe.
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: You should have a whole help me.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: If you used to be Mormon.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: It's like chicken soup.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: Perfect.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to get to this.
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, this is going to be our big money maker.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: Do I have anything to, well, I don't have anything
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: to promote. I'm on my thing right now uh recommend
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: i i should have started recommending this a while ago
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: widow's bay on apple tv if you haven't seen it
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: is the show the one of the best shows i've
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: seen in a very very long time holy shit it's
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: so funny good show if.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: You guys haven't seen it you download download whatever you
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: get apple tv right now you click off of this
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: well wait till this is over and i want you
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: to go directly to apple tv and click on a
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: widow's bay because it's so good And even if you're
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: scared of scary stuff, it's still really, really funny.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: It's delightful.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: Shout out Katie Dippold who created the show.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Incredible cast, incredible writing team. It's directed by Hiro Murai.
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Look, I'm big into Widow's Bay.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: It's such a good, I mean, it feels like a
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: miracle right now.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: The Chris Fleming episodes? Come on.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: Our friend Chris. Yeah, it's just a perfect show. So
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: if you haven't, it's It does feel like Beatlemania a
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: little bit with people watching the show. It's taken over. Yeah.
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: But I still feel like people need to hear about it.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Okay.
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: We're going to play invite list. I'm going to start
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: naming a list of celebrities.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: You're going to say invited or not invited. You can
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: say why or why not. You don't have to.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Invited to what?
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: Your party.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: Any type of party you want.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: Any type of party. Okay, cool.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: And once we get to 10, that's the party.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow. Okay.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: So is that perfectly clear?
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: That's clear, but I think the risk is then, like,
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: what if we get to 10 and then suddenly you
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: say something and I'm like, oh, my God.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: Well, that's your fault.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: Wow. That's fully my fault.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: A lot of things are ultimately your fault.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: I knew that. I knew that.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: All right. Let's get going here. Danny DeVito.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, invited.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: Wow, man. See, I don't want to fill up to
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: 10 so fast.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: You've got to be discerning.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: I know. I'm going to say... I know a lot
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: of people would say invited. I'm going to say not
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: invited because only because I'm getting too scared of doing
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: two in a row and I'm going to go 10
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: in a row and say invited. I love her. Not invited.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: Jason Statham.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Not invited.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: Ray Fiennes.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: Not invited.
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: Pharrell Williams.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: Pharrell Williams.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: Ooh.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: That's a tough one. That is tough. Ooh, Pharrell. I've
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: been very disappointed in him lately, but so much of
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: his music is so good. I'm going to say Invited.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: I think that's a decent bet.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say Invited.
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: It'd be fun.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: Steve Buscemi.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: Buscemi? Oh, man. I'm going to have to go Invited.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: I would definitely invite Buscemi.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: He seems like a good egg.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: Ludacris. Ludacris. God, I'm going to get to 10 so fast.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: I want to invite him. Luda, you know what? I'm
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: already dealing with Pharrell. I'm not going to go.
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: That could end up, I don't know what their relationship is.
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm less interested in Ludacris now. We're going
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: to play Ludacris at the party. I'm not going to
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: invite him fully. He doesn't need to be there. I'm
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: going to ask Pharrell if he wants to call him
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: for a second, but he's not going to be there.
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: FaceTime Ludacris. Donnie Wahlberg.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: Not invited.
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: Jon Hamm.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Not invited. Not invited. Not invited. I love his work.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: I don't think he's invited. Okay. He's going to drink
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: too much.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: Lea Michele.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not invited. Absolutely the fuck not. She's not going
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: to be able to read the goddamn invite. There's no way.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: You don't get to come.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: Kris Jenner.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: Kris Jenner, not invited.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: Felicity Huffman.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Not invited. Cher.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: Cher.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Is not invited.
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: Ooh, you've only got your limited time with Cher. I'm
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: just saying, but I'm not going to force you.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: I get it. It's my party, everybody. It is your party.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: I know the listener, so many listeners were like, what
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: the fuck? You wanted to invite Cher? It's my party,
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: you guys. And it's not, and I don't want the
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: same things you want.
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: Good for you.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: Chris Kirkpatrick. Kirk, ooh, he's got a hard name. Chris
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: Kirkpatrick from NSYNC. I can't even picture which one.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: I was going to be like, who is that? Not invited.
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: He's one of four that are not Justin Timberlake.
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: Imagine inviting just a dream team of celebs, and then
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: suddenly you've got the least cool NSYNC guy there. And
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: everyone's like, okay, so we're all celebrities. Who's this guy?
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: He goes, NSYNC.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: God bless you, Chris Kirkpatrick.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: Chris Kirkpatrick, I love you. If you're listening, and you
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: probably are, sorry.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: Jake Gyllenhaal.
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: Jake Gyllenhaal, no, no. He's scary and I don't know why,
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: but he scares me. I don't know what it is.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: He's scary.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: Amy Poehler.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: Invited. Amy, you are invited even if nobody else is invited.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: You're genuinely invited. Amy, call me.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: This is too desperate.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: Back off.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: Khloe Kardashian.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: Khloe Kardashian.
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: No.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: No.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: Never. If I even hear she wants to come, I
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: want to sue her with top dog law. There's no way. Okay.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: This one counts as one. The Coen brothers.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: The Coen brothers.
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: You get two for one here.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, well, that's interesting. I'm still going to say not
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: invited because it is a party. And I, again, we
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: can put on one of their movies. I'm not really
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: trying to. Oh, how do you write so slow or whatever?
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: They don't seem like party guys to me.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: They're not party guys.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: Henry Winkler.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, Henry Winkler.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: I think Henry Winkler would be good. What am I
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: at right now?
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: Ellis?
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Four. I'm at four only? Okay. I'm making good choices.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you've got plenty of room to grow.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: Henry Winkler invited.
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: Stephen Baldwin.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: No way. No way, brother. Absolutely not invited.
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: Shigeru Miyamoto.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: Invited. Get in here, dude. Get in here, Nintendo. We're
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: going to play. We're going to game.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: We love this guy. Yeah. Joan Cusack.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: No.
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: Heidi Klum. No. Lily Tomlin.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: No.
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: Watched 9 to 5 last night.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: Robert Smith from The Cure.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: Okay. I didn't know, but no.
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: James Corden. Corden?
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: No.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: Let's go to the next one. You know that one.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: You know my answer on that one. Absolutely. Nancy Pelosi?
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: Nancy Pelosi.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: Can I just say, I just did a show, a
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: college show, and I had a punchline that referenced Nancy Pelosi.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: And one of the kids in front was like, who
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: is that?
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, boy.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. Yeah. But, you know, she was like a
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: freshman in college so maybe maybe i don't i don't
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: know what people are supposed to know at this point
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: anyway she didn't know who nancy pelosi was and uh
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: she is a woman who was not invited to.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: The party carson daly carson daly no tucker carlson wow.
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: If only for us to attack him uh and if
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: we if i could If I could stomp out Tucker
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: Carlson with Amy Poehler, that would be fun. But we
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: might all just pull up to his house. He's not
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: invited to the party.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: He would be a unifying force within the party.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: Just everybody wanting to do something to this person.
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but absolutely not.
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: Charles Barkley.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: Charles Barkley, yes.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: He's recently lost 45 pounds in the last seven months. Well,
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: then no. I saw him in an ad.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: No.
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: I see him in an ad all the time.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: Skinny Barkley?
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: Come on.
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: He's too skinny. I want you chunky. I'm still going
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: to let him come, but I'm going to really pressure
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: him into eating a lot. I want him so like
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: this again.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: I think of Charles Barkley as an inherently round person.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's the.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: He's always had a good just like roundness.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: He was like the round mound of rebound is what
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: he was called.
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: Is that true?
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they had a lot of fat guy names for
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: Charles Barkley.
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: I think he had such a good shape. I don't
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: think he needs to be rail thin. Yeah.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: No, well, that's the big... I mean... Whatever her body,
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: her choice, but for everybody. But for Charles Barkley. Everybody
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: do whatever they want, but I do think people, when
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: they're getting on these Ozempics, they look very.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: You just got to be careful. You got to be careful.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: You look wraith-like.
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: Phil Collins.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: Phil Collins. Wow. I didn't, I guess I didn't know
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: that he was alive. Yeah, he's in.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess he is alive. Kelly Clarkson.
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: Nah.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: Richard Kind.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: Whoa, but no. A lot of people want to come.
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: Martin Shkreli. Martin Shkreli.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: That's a yes. Oh, that's one of the biggest no's.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: But that's hilarious that he's even in the mix.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: Paul Dano.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: No.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: That guy doesn't party.
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: You and Tarantino.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: No.
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: Well, no.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: I mean, I would never agree with Tarantino on anything,
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: but Paul Dano doesn't party.
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think he has. I hope he has
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: a nice quiet time somewhere. Stanley Tucci.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: Stanley Tucci? Ooh, Tucci gang. No, no, no, no.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: Hugh Grant.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: Grant?
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: No, no, no. John Travolta.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: John Travolta?
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: No.
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: Common.
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: Common? Yes.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: That's nine.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Ooh, wow.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: That's nine.
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: We got to nine pretty quickly after four.
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: Wow, okay.
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: All right, be very careful. Laurie Metcalf.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: No.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: That's a shame. Andy McDowell.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: No.
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: Boy George. No. Kelly Rowland.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: Kelly Rowland.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: Hmm. Hmm.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: I can't hit the 10 on Kelly Rowland. Unfortunately, even though... Kelly,
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: you're great. I can't hit the 10 on Kelly Rowland.
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: Stacey Abrams.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: Stacey Abrams. Wow.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: Huh.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: This would be a very interesting party. I don't like
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: that it's predominantly white.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: Um.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: But Stacey Abrams would bring an element to it that,
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: you know what? I do think with Stacey Abrams there,
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: I think people are going to respect her too much.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: And I think it's going to bring down the energy.
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: People are going to not be their most fun selves.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: They're not going to be the most fun selves. I'm
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: going to say no, Stacey. Right.
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: That makes sense to me. J.J.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: Abrams. No. Lotto.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Lotto.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: Lotto. Ooh, well, no, because everybody, look, from what I've
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: chosen so far, they're not going to be able to vibe.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: And Lotto's just going to be so different from everybody else.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: And then I'm going to be stuck talking to Lotto
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: the whole time. Because she's going to be like, who's
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: Henry Winkler? And I'll be like, Lotto, like, I don't know.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, if I had a different party lineup and
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: I was forced into a lot of this, I'm sorry, Lotto,
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: but no.
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: Demi Lovato.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: Huh, no.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: Tina Fey.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: Tina Fey. Well, if I bring Tina Fey, she's going
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: to talk to Amy the whole time, so no.
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: They're going to be together, and then I'm not going
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: to get to talk to Amy. Right, right. Lisa Barlow. No.
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: Vladimir Putin.
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: Whoa. Yes. Yes, I'm going out on 10 on Vladimir Putin.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: That's smart.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: That's a great choice. Get that guy in a party.
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: It's so crazy that I go, sure.
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: Take him to a Dave and Buster's. What's going to happen?
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: What is going to happen?
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: Someone's going to die of lead poisoning or something.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: I just, I, if thinking of all the people that
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: are in that room and that we get Pharrell Williams
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: and everybody's going to be like, well, Vladimir Putin's here.
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: And we're all, here's the thing about Vladimir Putin being
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: at the party with that mix of people and myself.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: We're all talking about that party for the rest of
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: our lives. We go, we were at this crazy party
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: where it was a handful of seemingly random smattering of celebrities.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: And is one really funny comedian. And then.
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: Career advancement opportunity.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: Why else would I go to a party? I don't
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: like famous people really. Why else would I have this party?
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: Of course.
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: Of course it's a career advancing opportunity. And then they go,
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: Vladimir Putin was there. How did that happen? And we
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: But you got to network with him.
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: I got to pitch him my pilot.
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: Vlad, you're going to love this.
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: Vlad, you wait. No, it's so interesting. It's like a
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: new take on an old form.
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: All right, we're going to play just one round of
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: a game called Gift or a Curse. I'm going to
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: name something. You're going to tell me if it's a
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: gift or a curse and why. Then I'll tell you
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: if you're right or wrong. Okay. This is from a
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: listener named Mark. Gift or a curse, newspapers slash magazines
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: hung by urinals.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: Newsplay hung by urinals? I don't even know if I
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: understand what he's referencing.
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: You've never seen this?
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: Newspapers. So it's like an old newspaper maybe and it's
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: decorative or is it?
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: It's usually new newspaper. The place that I'll see this
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: at is at the Largo actually.
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: I think. At the Largo. Okay. I'm trying to– because
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: I'm picturing Largo. I'm only seeing their old magazine things framed.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: On the wall.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: Okay. So now maybe I'm– I have seen this somewhere.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: Newspaper or magazine by a urinal?
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: I think the magazine confuses it. I think– I have
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: seen these. It will be like the week's newspaper and
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: then it's– they like pin it to a thing for
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: you to read while you're peeing.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And we've seen this in 2026?
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: Well, we're only halfway through the year.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I just... I guess I'm really.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: Well, accepting that this premise is a true thing that
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: does happen, which I will.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: It's not the Loch Ness Monster. Mark, I respect you.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: No, but I understand. I can picture in my mind's
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: eye how this does work. Have I seen it in
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: recent ever? I don't know.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: But.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: Gift or curse? I say gift. You're given the opportunity
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: to read.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: It's a gift. Yes. We are empowering readers. Yeah. We're
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: falling apart as a nation.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: The more newspapers we have hanging above urinals, the better. Yes.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: Let's get our men reading.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: Let's get our men reading again. Let's keep reading, you guys.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Everybody crack open a book right now. Everybody crack open
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: a book right now.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: And you've got to be a very good reader to
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: read one at the urinal unless you're taking a really
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: long pee.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's what confuses me about the idea
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: of this premise is that it is your when you're peeing,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: it's pretty fast. So, like, what are you going to
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: get through? Like, oh, you're reading the headline. It's like
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Trump renames Lake Ontario to. Oh, I'm done.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm done.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know what he renamed it
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: to because I'm done.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: And now you're trapped with the mystery.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: Now you're trapped with the mystery. And you know what?
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's good to walk around with a sense of
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: mystery in your life. You don't know everything about everything.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: All right. Let's answer a listener question. This is from
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: a Patreon listener named Sarah. Let's see. When you see
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: someone coming towards you down a long hallway, how long
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: do you wait before acknowledging them? I usually smile and
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: nod too soon, so when we are actually passing each other,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: I either have to do it again or just look away.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: All situations are very awkward. That's from Sarah.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is, I think this is a nightmare.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: Sarah, you asked the unanswerable question. The one great unanswerable question. Well,
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: because it is like there are also so many factors. Now,
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: when we're really talking about it, is this person a,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: co-worker that you do know right is it a stranger
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: is it somebody that you've already seen today.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: If you've already seen him today it's 10 times.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: Worse because then you're kind of like well then when
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: do i you know how many times am i passing
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: them what information do we have to exchange yeah and
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: but is it um is it somebody that i love
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: that i haven't seen in a long time then it's like, well,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: then why would I just be passing them? I guess.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Then I'd be like, oh my God, it's you. But
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: maybe that's how we should react for everybody. Maybe we
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: should see somebody at the end and we go, oh
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: my God. Oh my God.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: And then pick up the pace and start running towards them.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. I think that's the answer.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: Every person you see in a long hallway.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: It's just so awkward.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 3: It's impossible.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: Or you can just choose to not acknowledge them at all,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: I guess. But that feels a little.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: Depending on the situation, it does feel a little cold,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: but I feel like you can get away with it
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: a little bit if you're just kind of like, whatever.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm trying to picture myself freely in this situation.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: I think we initially do kind of a nod. Yeah.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: And then once we get close enough to talk, I say...
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I say at that point. I
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: say something that's totally meaningless.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. Did Sarah specify the race
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: of the person? Can you imagine?
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: Our lovely listeners. Oh, no, it's I do think it's impossible. Yeah.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: And you just have to kind of recognize that the
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: other person has is thinking bad thoughts about you the
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: entire time they're walking towards you.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess that's an interesting way to put it.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: And just live with that insecurity.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: I think this is yet another situation that maracas might
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: help where you could, you know, yeah, we're kind of
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: walking down and kind of you're jamming down the whole time.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: Then they have to choose when to acknowledge you. If
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: you're just jamming and you're just kind of looking at
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: them the whole time. Then put it on them.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: The answer is to trap them in the worst possible position.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. First of all, everybody, you've got to read the
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: 48 Laws of Power. It's all about maintaining power in
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: every situation.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: It's very Maracas-based.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 3: Well, I have my Maracas. We've answered the question perfectly.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: We've talked about the universal Utah experience.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: And I've got a new goal to wear, kind of
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: a revealing top at the mall.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 3: Which I'm excited about.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad you could be here.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Yes. Thank you so much for having me. And now
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: you have a friend in the diamond business.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: Listener, the podcast is over. I'm going to leave you
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: with this as you kind of fall asleep at the wheel.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 3: I love you. Goodbye. Goodbye. I Said No Gifts is
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Ellis Nelson,
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann, and we
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: couldn't do it without our booker Patrick Kottner. You must
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: follow the show on Instagram at I Said No Gifts.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 3: That's where you're going to see pictures of all these
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 3: wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: the gifts?
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here... Thought I made myself perfectly
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: clear When you're a guest in my home You gotta
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: come to me empty-handed I said no gifts, your presence
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: is presence enough And I already had too much stuff
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: So how do you dare disobey me? Thank you.