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Helping Others See Their Strengths · The Strength Catalyst

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome to Introspective Moments.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Colleen Biselli, an executive coach and a strength strategist.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Each week I'll spend just a few minutes exploring one strength to use our strengths with greater intention and to notice how they shape our work, our relationships, and our everyday lives.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Introspective Moments.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Colleen.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'd like to talk about the strength esteem builder.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: When we think about building someone's self-esteem, we might think about praise, telling someone they did a great job, offering encouragement, helping them feel good about themselves.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And those things certainly matter.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But esteem builder is about something deeper.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's about seeing the potential and possibility in another person and helping them see it for themselves.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because esteem building helps people see themselves more clearly.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I saw this beautifully in a story shared with us by Bernice.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Bernice was managing a sales team, and one of her reps was struggling to connect with prospective clients.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: He was knowledgeable and well trained, but his fear of failure and self-doubt seemed to get in the way.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: On sales call, she told me, he had trouble listening fully, being present, and connecting naturally with a person on the other end.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: But Bernice had noticed something interesting.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: This wasn't how he showed up everywhere else.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: With his colleagues, he was compassionate, supportive, sometimes funny, really engaged.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: People naturally gravitated toward him.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And in team meetings, he shared his knowledge and connected easily with other people.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Bernice realized that the qualities he needed to be successful with prospective clients were already there.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: He just wasn't recognizing them or bringing them into that particular situation.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, in a one-on-one conversation, Bernice reflected back to him what she saw.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: She reminded him of specific ways he connected with colleagues and helped him think about how he could bring those same qualities into his sales conversations.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And gradually he did.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: He began using humor, building better rapport, and creating more authentic moments of connection with prospective clients.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And his confidence grew and his results followed.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I love this story because Bernice didn't give him confidence by simply telling him, you can do this.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: She helped him find the evidence that he could.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And here is something coaching has taught me over the years.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Our strengths can travel with us.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: When someone recognizes a strength they're already using successfully in one part of their life, they can begin to ask, well, where else could I use this strength?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's an especially powerful thought when it's a strength that comes naturally and gives us energy.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Bernice's salesperson didn't need to become someone different on his sales calls.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: He needed to recognize that the warmth and humor and ability to connect that came naturally with his colleagues could be brought into these sales conversations too.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes another person can see that possibility in us before we see it in ourselves.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Self-doubt can narrow our view.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: We become so focused on what isn't working that we lose sight of what is.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: So having someone hold up a mirror and say, here is what I see in you.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen you do this before.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: That can help us see ourselves differently.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's esteem builder at its best.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: But like every strength, esteem builder can be both underplayed and overplayed.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We can underplay it simply by noticing something positive in another person, but not seeing it.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps we say, great job, when something more specific would be far more useful.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: When we tell someone what we actually noticed, we give them information about themselves that they may be able to use again.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I also know that I can overplay this strength myself.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I remember this even from raising my kids.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: My instinct was often to protect their confidence and help them feel good about themselves.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was more inclined toward discipline and clear expectations.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And at times, our different approaches created some conflict between us.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Over time, I've realized that there was something important for me to learn in that tension.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Helping someone believe in themselves doesn't mean shielding them from what they also need to hear.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it building someone's self-esteem means encouraging them.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it means being clear about an obstacle, a concern, or something they need to do differently while still helping them see the strains that they have to draw upon in those scenarios.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Encouragement and honesty aren't opposites.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we need both in order to grow.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So perhaps the question isn't simply, how can I make this person feel good about themselves?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's what can I help this person see about themselves that will help them grow?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a deck of introspective cards, the Esteem Builder card offers this question: To whom can I offer genuine praise and recognition today to boost their self-esteem and confidence?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'd invite you to take that one step further.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Think of one person.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And rather than simply telling them but doing a great job, tell them what you see and give them an example.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you'll help them recognize something about themselves they don't fully see yet.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: The quote on the Esteem Builder card comes from Eleanor Roosevelt.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: She said, a good leader inspires people to have confidence in the leader.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: A great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's what Esteam Builder looks like when it's at its best.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Not making someone dependent on our encouragement, helping them discover confidence that eventually belongs to them.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending these few minutes with me.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, take a few minutes to be introspective and notice what changes.