Latest / Three Damned Dudes / Episode 9 - Parenting is hard

Transcript

Episode 9 - Parenting is hard · Three Damned Dudes

• 0:38
  Hello, welcome to the Three Damn Dates podcast.
• 0:43
  We're brought to you by Rifle and Ratchet Refinishing.
• 0:49
  I don't like that I'm doing this.
• 0:52
  I got hard immediately. Keep going.
• 0:57
  Located in Taylor, MI, Rifle and Ratchet is a veteran owned and
• 1:01
  operated shop providing Sarah coat and laser engraving
• 1:05
  services. Whether it's rust, corrosion,
• 1:09
  wear and tear, scratches where you simply don't like the color,
• 1:15
  they do everything from factory finishes to custom camo.
• 1:21
  They make your dream reality to shoot God.
• 1:27
  Damn it. But it's not just firearms, it's
• 1:31
  also automotive parts, game controllers, golf clubs or
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  whatever you can fit in his oven.
• 1:40
  Their goal is to make you say wow when it comes out of the
• 1:44
  case. And with that, welcome to the
• 1:48
  three damn twos. Podcast.
• 1:51
  It sucks that I can't get you with that.
• 1:54
  Yeah, you got this one was even more harder.
• 1:56
  This one was even more so, yeah. I even read over it twice before
• 2:04
  we started and I was like, what did he do?
• 2:06
  When it comes out of the case, I get it.
• 2:09
  That's funny. The fact that you put two in
• 2:11
  there, you almost got me. You almost fucking got me.
• 2:16
  The comes was a red herring. I tried to get him to say to
• 2:23
  make your wet dreams a reality, to shoot, but he caught it.
• 2:30
  A nice try. Try again.
• 2:32
  Nice. All right, Jimmy, what are you
• 2:35
  drinking over there? No, you know, I'm keeping that
• 2:39
  peepee pain away. I got that.
• 2:43
  Ocean Spray An ocean spray a day keeps.
• 2:46
  I got to rig it more. Actually, I'm going to look at
• 2:48
  the whole thing. Jimmy's getting the whole Ocean
• 2:53
  Spray. Ye whole she bang.
• 2:56
  I forgot. You That's not Ocean Spray.
• 2:58
  It's Kroger. Wow, a Kroger a day makes your
• 3:05
  Pew want to run away. I'm sipping Kroger today because
• 3:17
  I've got rent to pay. How's that?
• 3:21
  That's good. That's good.
• 3:23
  You know, you could just sell blood and semen.
• 3:27
  You know, I've sell, I've sold plasma.
• 3:31
  So first of all, I have had terrible experiences selling
• 3:36
  plasma. Terrible 10 my, my veins.
• 3:43
  They're they're small up here and they won't go to your hand,
• 3:48
  which is where I need it. So I've got big veiny hands, but
• 3:52
  my vein, So like, bro, it's they, they got me fucked up in
• 4:03
  that facility a couple times, man.
• 4:05
  One, they couldn't find the vein, so they just kept trying,
• 4:09
  moving it around. And I'm already afraid of
• 4:11
  needles. And I wasn't always afraid of
• 4:14
  needles. I was very good about needles
• 4:18
  until high school when once again I gave blood.
• 4:24
  And you know, we did the, we did the blood drive at school and I
• 4:29
  go down to the I'll never forget this shit, dude.
• 4:32
  So we went down to the the wrestling room was where they
• 4:36
  did it. And so I was already in a
• 4:39
  familiar setting. You know, I had already done,
• 4:41
  I've done so many practices in that room with the Wildcats and
• 4:44
  whatnot. So I was already in like a
• 4:49
  comfortable setting. I was like super relaxed and
• 4:52
  everything. And she pulled the needle out
• 4:56
  and you know, those needles are freaking thick, man.
• 4:59
  Like they look like, they look like an 8 gauge, like fucking
• 5:02
  taper is what it reminded me of. And I'll never forget it, dude.
• 5:08
  I kind of want to throw up just thinking about it.
• 5:10
  I'll never forget the sound. She put it in my arm, dude.
• 5:13
  And she grunted. She went and I heard it hit
• 5:17
  something that made a sound in my arm, dude.
• 5:20
  The pain that I felt was so nauseating.
• 5:25
  It fucked me up. I like felt sick to my stomach,
• 5:29
  like I broke a bone is what it did.
• 5:31
  You know how? Like, I don't know if you've
• 5:32
  ever broken a bone, but usually like when you broke break a bone
• 5:37
  or you get hit so hard or like so suddenly, like you get that
• 5:40
  sudden jolt of like nausea, like that sudden shock feeling.
• 5:45
  I got that when, when, when the needle went in, dude.
• 5:49
  Ever since I, I do not like needles.
• 5:52
  I'll let, I'll let you stick me, but I just, I have, I don't like
• 5:55
  it too much. So like flash forward like 10
• 5:59
  years or whatever. I'm trying to give plasma
• 6:01
  because you know, I can't afford shit.
• 6:03
  So I'm trying to make that extra 70 bucks or whatever and she's
• 6:08
  wiggling this needle in my arm trying to get it fine, fine, the
• 6:11
  vein and stuff. She bruises me all up.
• 6:13
  So I can't even give plasma anyway for like a month.
• 6:19
  I I must have repressed it because something else happened
• 6:23
  and I just don't remember what happened.
• 6:25
  Dude, the machine was malfunctioning so it wasn't
• 6:29
  really taken. It wasn't taken blood or
• 6:31
  something weird. I don't remember exactly what
• 6:33
  happened but I never went again. I was like fuck that.
• 6:37
  Yeah, yeah. No, that's that's fair.
• 6:45
  What do you got? What are you drinking?
• 6:47
  What are you drinking today? I'm drinking.
• 6:49
  I'm drinking water that's not open yet and I'm sipping on some
• 6:58
  more bookers. I can dig that sucker, it hit.
• 7:05
  Don't. Don't make it weird.
• 7:07
  What? Booker T.
• 7:09
  Ah, rest in peace. He's not dead.
• 7:16
  Is Booker T dead? Don't fucking tell me the Booker
• 7:19
  T. You need to ask ChatGPT how's
• 7:21
  Booker T doing. Chat.
• 7:27
  We'll have a replay of the Wilford Brimley episode that
• 7:30
  doesn't exist. How is it's all caps?
• 7:37
  I'm super excited. Booker T doing
• 7:51
  he's he's active in wrestling, so he's still alive or good.
• 7:56
  Yeah. All right.
• 7:58
  Yeah, you're training the next oh, let's not word it like that.
• 8:02
  You what it says training the next generation.
• 8:07
  He's openly talked about grooming his twins.
• 8:11
  Like, I don't, I don't really like the way they.
• 8:13
  That's a That's a poor choice of words there, ChatGPT.
• 8:18
  Poker T's a sick. Just kidding.
• 8:21
  Maybe. Maybe, maybe not.
• 8:24
  That the the Chad she petition has just worded this butter.
• 8:27
  Yeah. So he's still good, dude.
• 8:29
  He's fine. Scared me all right.
• 8:32
  I mean, I had a 5050 shot. Yeah, but that was his catch
• 8:35
  phrase. Can you dig it?
• 8:37
  Sucking. Then his music would play and
• 8:39
  he'd come out. You know you didn't watch
• 8:42
  wrestling. No, no, no, I didn't.
• 8:45
  All right, that wasn't. He went through a really weird
• 8:53
  King Booker stage, but we got through it.
• 8:56
  But yeah, so there's a lot of listeners out there that know
• 8:59
  what I'm talking about. I'm sure.
• 9:03
  Just hit me up. Hit us up on Facebook.
• 9:06
  If you know what I'm talking about.
• 9:07
  That's that's, let's do it that way, you know?
• 9:10
  Yeah, there you go. Fuck sake dude, it has been a
• 9:16
  fucking week out here in Maryland.
• 9:20
  It's only. 2 like no like the the last seven days.
• 9:26
  Oh yeah. So we got absolutely fucked with
• 9:33
  that winter storm, right? It dropped probably 8 or 9
• 9:40
  inches. And like while that was going
• 9:47
  on, I was outside and in the in the fucking side by side pushing
• 9:50
  snow. Just get it off the driveway so
• 9:53
  it wouldn't be a huge pain in the ass to deal with when it was
• 9:55
  all on the ground. And then it started fucking
• 10:00
  sleeting and we had this freezing rain which turned the
• 10:05
  top 2 inches into ice. So me trying to be smart, put a
• 10:13
  bunch of salt down before the snow started, trying to pretreat
• 10:17
  the drive so it wouldn't be such a pain in the ass to get
• 10:19
  everything up if it was like a heavy wet snow that froze.
• 10:24
  But no, it was, it was light fucking dry powder, so I didn't
• 10:28
  need to do that. And then the freezing rain came
• 10:32
  and I didn't have enough fucking rock salt to deal with that.
• 10:36
  So I wasn't snowed in, I was fucking iced in.
• 10:41
  And that was absolute bullshit. But the first day I try to leave
• 10:46
  the house is to take my daughter to daycare.
• 10:48
  Like the driveway is roughly passable enough and I put the
• 10:51
  van down the hill on my neighbor's house and that was a
• 10:55
  pretty safe stretch to get from his house out to the main Rd.
• 11:01
  So I actually know it's a lie. I left from our house at the top
• 11:05
  of the hill that day. Leave from the the top of the
• 11:09
  hill, go to drop my daughter off at daycare and I'm coming back
• 11:15
  and I get I get fucking stuck halfway up the hill and the ass
• 11:21
  end of the van slides into the snow bank and I am not going
• 11:24
  fucking anywhere. Like I'm I'm absolutely fucked.
• 11:30
  So my neighbor next to me, Keith, he comes down with his
• 11:33
  truck and gets in front of me and we fucking put a tow rope on
• 11:39
  and pull me forward out of the snow bank enough to where I can
• 11:42
  back into my other neighbor, Mike's driveway.
• 11:47
  And that's where the van lived for four fucking days because I
• 11:52
  could not get it up the hill. So I had to, I had to ferry
• 11:56
  myself back and forth from the house to Mike's house and the
• 12:01
  side by side to do fucking anything.
• 12:04
  And mind you, my side by side, it's got one bench seat.
• 12:07
  So putting my daughter, my wife and my son in a car seat in that
• 12:12
  fucking thing and driving down the hill was, it wasn't that
• 12:17
  bad, but it wasn't fucking great because there's no heat in that
• 12:21
  fucking thing. So I got stuck 1st and then my
• 12:26
  neighbor Keith, his son, got stuck in roughly the same spot.
• 12:32
  And then the Amazon driver got stuck.
• 12:37
  You see, the Amazon driver made it all the way up the hill to
• 12:39
  Keith's house and tried to back down the fucking driveway.
• 12:43
  Instead of turning around in his driveway and coming down the
• 12:46
  rest of the shared drive, she got stuck like way up the hill.
• 12:52
  And that started 3 days of just a fucking clown show in my front
• 13:00
  yard. So the Amazon driver calls a tow
• 13:02
  truck. That tow truck gets fucking
• 13:05
  stuck. That tow truck finally gets
• 13:09
  unstuck and fucks off. Amazon van is still stuck.
• 13:13
  Second tow truck comes up, moves the Amazon van closer to the
• 13:18
  road, leaves it still stuck. That tow truck gets stuck, gets
• 13:23
  unstuck, fucks all the way off, Amazon van is still stuck in my
• 13:29
  front field. Go to bed that night.
• 13:32
  I mind you, like first tow truck first day, second tow truck the
• 13:36
  next day, the next night. This Amazon van was stuck for
• 13:42
  days. Yes, three of them.
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  How did the soap? Like I'm assuming that the
• 13:50
  friggin how did the girl get home like I'm assuming she
• 13:54
  didn't stay with the van? That would be 1 hell of a 2.
• 13:57
  Two more Amazon vans showed up out at the road and I'm assuming
• 14:02
  they got all of the packages out of that van and the driver and
• 14:07
  went back to either the distribution center or finish
• 14:12
  the routes or whatever they fucking did.
• 14:13
  I don't know, but third day, no tow truck.
• 14:19
  Interesting. Wake up the 4th day, Amazon van
• 14:23
  is gone. There are new ruts in my
• 14:26
  neighbor's fucking front yard. So another tow truck showed up
• 14:31
  at some point, finally got that fucking thing unstuck, and that
• 14:36
  whole thing ended. But yeah, we ran out of rock
• 14:42
  salt. And I'm convinced that no one on
• 14:45
  the East Coast had any in stock. And I think as of yesterday,
• 14:51
  Home Depot had rock salt again. Like it's been, it's been
• 14:56
  fucking interesting out here, but I managed to find some
• 15:01
  before Home Depot and Tractor Supply restocked.
• 15:06
  So the guy whose property we hunt about 25 minutes up the
• 15:09
  road, he owns a construction company.
• 15:13
  And I'm pissed that I didn't think of this earlier, but he
• 15:16
  runs salt trucks. So I'm going to get my taxes
• 15:20
  done on Saturday and we're going to stop off at his house because
• 15:24
  it's on the way. I'm going to drop him off some
• 15:26
  venison that I got from the deer that I pulled off his property
• 15:29
  this last season. So I dropped off two things of
• 15:35
  backstrap, A tenderloin thing of steak and 8 lbs of ground.
• 15:43
  And I'm bitching about how there's no fucking rock salt.
• 15:46
  And he's like, do you need some? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I got
• 15:51
  a, I, I got to go to work on Monday.
• 15:54
  So that driveway needs to, needs to be passable.
• 15:57
  And right now it's fucking not. And he let me know that he has a
• 16:04
  covered Dome full of fucking rock salt that he has not been
• 16:08
  able to use. So I'm like, I will be back in
• 16:14
  about four fucking hours. I will be back with a Rubbermaid
• 16:18
  tote. And I'm, if you're all right
• 16:20
  with it, I'm going to get some of the rock salt.
• 16:23
  So we go get the taxes done. I get back to the house, low to
• 16:26
  like 5257, whatever the size is, gallon Rubbermaid tote in the
• 16:33
  back of the van and drive back to his house where he is out
• 16:36
  there with a six foot pry bar, chipping away the top 4 inches
• 16:40
  of crusty fucking rock salt to get to the good stuff that's
• 16:44
  underneath it. And then I go home and in about
• 16:48
  30 minutes have salted the spots that are bad.
• 16:52
  And yeah, that was the end of of the escapades of my frozen
• 16:57
  fucking driveway. But.
• 17:02
  But yeah, I didn't go to work at all last week.
• 17:05
  We're going to make a drinking game for every time you say the
• 17:08
  F word, you take a shot, we'll be.
• 17:10
  Hammering in the. 1st 10 minutes.
• 17:15
  Fuck. Fuck, you want to keep doing
• 17:25
  this, Jimmy? I'm almost out already.
• 17:29
  I've got. You owe me two more.
• 17:31
  I got barefoot Peach line that went bad like a week ago.
• 17:35
  You owe me two more. You owe me one more.
• 17:38
  I'm at 3 right now. Fine.
• 17:46
  Ow, you know it's high quality when the cap screws on.
• 17:55
  Yeah, but at some point, ow, at some point in the last week, my
• 18:14
  nine month old son got sick and was running a fever of like 100
• 18:18
  and 3:00-ish. And right, like kids run fevers.
• 18:26
  And apparently for infants, 103 isn't that scary for whatever
• 18:31
  fucking reason. I'm not a doctor, but it's, it's
• 18:34
  not scary for like another 2°. So not overly concerned, but
• 18:43
  this child starts panting like a dog and like that is his only
• 18:51
  method of breathing. So I'm like, OK, this kids
• 18:54
  running a fever and he's having breathing issues.
• 18:59
  That's all right. Yeah, no, that's that's weird
• 19:01
  enough that he should probably go to urgent care or the ER,
• 19:05
  right? Go, go check him out, figure out
• 19:06
  what the, what the Hell's going on.
• 19:08
  So I almost said fuck there, but I didn't.
• 19:10
  I said hell because I don't want to drink again right now there.
• 19:14
  You go. And also we're 18, almost 19
• 19:18
  minutes in. So technically you said in the
• 19:20
  1st 10 minutes we didn't have to do any of that.
• 19:25
  I'm willing to bet you're you've you've got the amount of minutes
• 19:28
  beaten by the amount of F words so far.
• 19:31
  What's the F word? Fart in the box?
• 19:35
  I don't know. I haven't said that once, so.
• 19:37
  Oh. Let's see, we're good.
• 19:40
  But yeah, so my wife calls urgent.
• 19:44
  She's on the on the phone with the nurse advice line at the
• 19:47
  pediatrician and they're like, yeah, take him, take him to
• 19:52
  urgent care, get him checked out.
• 19:53
  So she calls urgent care because the concern there apparently was
• 19:58
  RSV urgent care, the one by us could, they can't test for RSV.
• 20:05
  So we're like, all right, well, we're not going there.
• 20:07
  So he went straight to the ER. This child had an ear infection.
• 20:16
  An ear infection was the culprit for all of that borderline kind
• 20:20
  of scary shit. Kids, man, you know what?
• 20:28
  The life has kids. What's each life has?
• 20:31
  Does it go back in time and not have them?
• 20:33
  Yeah, when your kid, when your kid has a fever, because fevers
• 20:42
  can be scary business, especially for for babies and
• 20:45
  stuff, you know. Yeah.
• 20:48
  What I do is I take a meat thermometer.
• 20:51
  So like if you're, if your kid is got a high fever, right
• 20:55
  hundred and like it's to 100 and 102, you know, you need to start
• 20:59
  worrying about breaking that fever.
• 21:01
  Yeah, give them Motrin or Tylenol, whichever, because you
• 21:06
  can alternate. But then you run the bathtub and
• 21:11
  you run that water to 98°. That way it's not super cold
• 21:18
  because you don't want to put them in cold water.
• 21:19
  You can put them into shock, but you need to break that fever.
• 21:23
  You need to bring a body temperature down.
• 21:25
  So what I do is I get the water down to 98° and then or get it
• 21:30
  up to 98°. Then when you put them in the
• 21:33
  water, you're basically putting their body into a temperature
• 21:37
  that their body needs to adjust to, which it will because it's
• 21:40
  surrounded by the temperature. And then it feels warm to them
• 21:46
  though, because it's warmer than the outside air, because the
• 21:49
  outside air is going to be like 70° or whatever.
• 21:51
  So it's soothing for the baby, but at the same time bringing
• 21:54
  their temperature down. It's by far the fastest way to
• 21:59
  break a fever that I found and has saved us a ton of time when
• 22:03
  we were when we were sick over Christmas when I lost my voice
• 22:08
  and stuff. We're like 90% sure it was RSV
• 22:12
  and Maddie's son is 2 and RSV is worse for babies than it is for
• 22:20
  adults. Oh dude, it's scary for babies.
• 22:23
  So it was it was Christmas. It was Christmas Eve night when
• 22:28
  he hit his peak at being the sickest and like I and I kind of
• 22:32
  pissed Maddie off with this, but like I told her and I wonder
• 22:36
  like ahead of time. I was like, when the kids are
• 22:37
  sick, I'm, I mean, business. Like I, when James was sick, I
• 22:42
  wouldn't even let like James slept with me like when James
• 22:45
  was a baby and like I made her actually sleeping on my ex-wife
• 22:49
  sleep on the couch. Like James slept with me because
• 22:52
  I'm, I'm a light sleeper. I, I, I, I, I have it in me to
• 22:56
  where I like, I stay awake enough to be able to check on
• 22:59
  him at all hours of the day, like all hours.
• 23:01
  Like I just because I have anxiety when it comes to that
• 23:04
  type of stuff. So I told Maddie I was like, if,
• 23:06
  if the kids get sick, there's a good chance that I'll probably
• 23:09
  like take over. And it's something that I just
• 23:13
  do. And I'm sorry, but that's just
• 23:14
  how I am. And I did do that with, with
• 23:17
  Charlie And I had to give that kid like maybe like 5 bats, like
• 23:22
  breaking his, you know, I like, I would wake up and check them
• 23:26
  and everything like that. And, but I got them through it
• 23:30
  and, and it was good. So that's definitely a life
• 23:33
  hack. If you have kids, definitely,
• 23:39
  definitely do that. It's a it's a life hack for sick
• 23:42
  kids. Yeah, So we, we put them in a a
• 23:47
  warm bath, which, you know, probably right around that tent
• 23:50
  that you're talking about. I didn't check it with the meat
• 23:52
  thermometer, but that, that that's in the toolbox for next
• 23:56
  time. And that did that did nothing
• 24:00
  to, to break the fever. And so the fact that he was
• 24:03
  running a fever, I think we were like the majority of the day at
• 24:07
  that point and we were like, he was drinking water.
• 24:11
  He was in and out of the bath like we were we were running
• 24:15
  through Motrin and Tylenol and all the things that are supposed
• 24:18
  to help bring the fever down and just not responding.
• 24:25
  So that was that was largely part of the decision.
• 24:28
  Like, Yep, all right, just take them, take them, figure out what
• 24:30
  it is and let's get this fixed. But yeah, it's a it's no fun
• 24:38
  when when the babies like when babies are sick, like before the
• 24:44
  ability to communicate like this hurts or I don't feel good or
• 24:48
  like I froed up or daddy my farts on the floor like before
• 24:52
  that shit like went. It's just it's awful.
• 24:57
  I hate it. It's not my favorite thing.
• 24:58
  It's not my least favorite thing, but it's not my favorite
• 25:01
  thing, that's for damn sure. So he he definitely had it the
• 25:07
  worst. We were all kind of hoarse and
• 25:10
  feeling shitty. But Sunday night my daughter's
• 25:17
  like I don't feel good and she's like dry cough but not running a
• 25:22
  fever but just super lethargic and not really doesn't want to
• 25:26
  do anything so sat on the couch most of the day and watched
• 25:28
  movies under a blanket. I check her Monday morning
• 25:33
  'cause I don't have her, maybe it was Tuesday 'cause daycare
• 25:36
  might have been closed. Whatever.
• 25:37
  The next day daycare was open. I go to take her and she's there
• 25:43
  for probably 2 hours and we get a phone call that she has thrown
• 25:50
  up and is running a fever and I'm like great awesome I checked
• 25:57
  her that morning 98698 seven whatever it was she was fine.
• 26:05
  But she gets to daycare, throws up and is running a fever and by
• 26:09
  the time I get there to pick her up, she is no longer running a
• 26:12
  fever and still like still feels shitty.
• 26:19
  But they're like, you know, since she threw up, she's got to
• 26:22
  be out for two days. So it would have been Wednesday
• 26:24
  happened first thing. So they counted Wednesday as a
• 26:26
  day out and then Thursday as a day out so she can go back
• 26:28
  Friday. But yeah, fuck throwing up that
• 26:34
  that is, that is honestly my least favorite thing.
• 26:36
  Like I would rather be stuck on the toilet for like 4 hours.
• 26:41
  I hate throwing up. It is the fucking worst.
• 26:48
  I dude I hate it so much. That's funny.
• 26:55
  I can. I can do that thing that Stevo
• 26:58
  does and I can just make myself throw up on coming in.
• 27:01
  Do it. Throwing up doesn't bother me at
• 27:03
  all. I listen, I will.
• 27:07
  Do it. Would not be the first time I
• 27:09
  actually got edited out of a podcast one time because I did
• 27:13
  that. I thought it was funny.
• 27:19
  But yeah, we we had a dude that was not a fan of throwing up and
• 27:25
  I threw up next to him in a bucket to grow now.
• 27:31
  And that whole segment got edited out because they were
• 27:35
  fucking sore losers about it. So but it was funny.
• 27:38
  We made for good content. But yeah, I don't need to use my
• 27:41
  hands or anything. I can just go and just go.
• 27:46
  That's you're, you're a fucking Wildman, Jimmy.
• 27:50
  You're fucking wild. Throwing up doesn't really, I
• 27:54
  don't know. It's not fun, especially when
• 27:57
  it's like involuntary. Like it's not yeah, it's not
• 28:00
  good. But yeah, some people cry when
• 28:06
  they throw up. I've never been that person to
• 28:09
  where like I've hated it that much.
• 28:11
  Like it's. Just no.
• 28:12
  And like I don't cry, but I am like I am visibly physically
• 28:18
  angry after it happens. It's like, it's like when I,
• 28:23
  when I drink tequila, right? Tequila doesn't make me an angry
• 28:26
  drunk. I I can handle tequila.
• 28:31
  I get angry that I'm drinking tequila because that means all
• 28:34
  of the bourbon and all of the whiskey is fucking gone.
• 28:42
  But yeah, my last question from my recap, Where did all the rock
• 28:46
  salt go like? We have a shortage here too.
• 28:51
  How? How did we run out like that?
• 28:58
  That blows my mind and I get it right, I'm not, I'm not that
• 29:01
  retarded, but like what asshole has a pallet of rock salt next
• 29:08
  to their thousand rolls of toilet paper that they still
• 29:10
  haven't gone through from the fucking COVID scare?
• 29:13
  Yeah, yeah. We at work we, so we normally
• 29:19
  have to pay like $400 to have our to have our parking lot
• 29:23
  salted. We just reached out to the
• 29:26
  company that does it and they're like, yeah, sorry, we can be
• 29:28
  there tomorrow, but there's a shortage on rock salt.
• 29:31
  So it'll be $1200. It's the salt.
• 29:34
  Yeah. So we're like, yeah, never mind.
• 29:36
  We're good. Yeah.
• 29:40
  I don't know. I think it's just because a lot
• 29:42
  of the country got hammered I'm guessing.
• 29:44
  Yeah. But yeah, I, I don't know, I
• 29:49
  thought salt was like one of those things that like, kind of
• 29:52
  like was all over the place, you know?
• 29:55
  Yeah, yeah, I did too. But I, I guess not.
• 30:01
  We remember that, folks. You can, in fact, run out of
• 30:04
  rock salt. And I'm not saying to go buy a
• 30:07
  pallet and put it in your garage next to your thousand rolls of
• 30:09
  fucking toilet paper from Sam's Club.
• 30:12
  However, maybe just, you know, have a bag or two on standby.
• 30:16
  Try to forget about it. Leave it in the shed.
• 30:25
  You know what we need to talk about because I forgot.
• 30:27
  I forgot your recap. I forgot you lived in Maryland.
• 30:32
  Oh, OK, Maryland. Kind of weird that my camera did
• 30:36
  that when I was getting to this, but Maryland, you didn't see it.
• 30:42
  No, I I saw it, but now I'm concerned with what you're about
• 30:44
  to get into. Maryland is allegedly one of the
• 30:48
  most haunted states in the country.
• 30:53
  I haven't heard Most Haunted in the country.
• 30:57
  I I haven't heard it up that high, but yeah, there, there are
• 31:00
  a, a large, a large amount of spots that are allegedly
• 31:07
  haunted. You guys have something else and
• 31:10
  I forget what it was. It was Cryptid, allegedly.
• 31:14
  Allegedly. Was it goat?
• 31:15
  Man, I don't know, I don't think goat man is ash Chachi PT.
• 31:23
  This is going to be a ChatGPT heavy episode.
• 31:26
  I can I'm I'm calling it now. But yeah, I I don't there's
• 31:36
  nothing that immediately comes to mind with a like a more one
• 31:39
  off Cryptid that's said to be in Maryland for those of you
• 31:49
  listening on your way to work. Jimmy made a face and I don't
• 31:52
  know if he's trying to sound out the letters in the words or if.
• 31:55
  He's actually taken. I was, I was thinking of goat
• 31:58
  man, but you guys have one that is called the Snally Gasper.
• 32:06
  It's Maryland's number one Cryptid.
• 32:09
  It's it's in Frederick County. And is that where you're at?
• 32:16
  Are you fucking with me right now?
• 32:17
  I. Swear to fucking God.
• 32:19
  I swear to God that. Is that where you're at?
• 32:22
  I don't want to talk about it anymore.
• 32:24
  It says where Frederick County and the Blue Ridge Mountains.
• 32:28
  What it looks like a flying beast with a metal like beak,
• 32:32
  claws, tentacles and sometimes one eye.
• 32:35
  Yeah. Nightmare fuel or origins.
• 32:38
  That's a. Fucking dragon.
• 32:41
  Story goes back to the 1700s. Like blending German immigrant
• 32:45
  folklore with newspaper hype in the early 19.
• 32:49
  Fun fact, it's so iconic that Maryland breweries and festivals
• 32:52
  still use the name today. Yeah.
• 32:56
  So remember when you were like, hey, come to Maryland, I'm good.
• 33:00
  I've never heard of this. We've got the Snelly Gasper.
• 33:04
  This looks like a a fucking Demi gorgon hooked up with a Pegasus
• 33:09
  and. I'm looking at that, right?
• 33:14
  Now I like this. Yeah, it's true, But it's
• 33:21
  basically like a dragon. It's like a pterodactyl dragon.
• 33:29
  I wouldn't even be afraid of that thing.
• 33:31
  I just. Which fucking picture are you
• 33:34
  looking at? I I would just feel bad for it.
• 33:39
  It's got a lot going on. And you see it and it just looks
• 33:43
  at you and goes kill me. It goes.
• 33:47
  That's what it does. That's all it can do.
• 33:56
  I think I'm fine. It was reported to pram,
• 33:59
  livestock and people with notable sightings peaking in 19
• 34:02
  O 9. Oh yeah, see if we're good.
• 34:05
  I think I'm good, yeah. Yeah, well, that's the Jeeper
• 34:08
  Creepers rules where it shows up every 30 years or whatever.
• 34:12
  It's said to swoop down from the hills of South Mountain and
• 34:16
  surrounding areas in central Maryland, screeching and
• 34:19
  carrying off livestock or unsuspecting travellers.
• 34:22
  All right, well now you know it's myth because how's it going
• 34:24
  to screech when it's mouth is full of tentacles?
• 34:27
  Yeah, it octopus is octopus. I don't screech.
• 34:30
  It would slurp if anything. It's just it.
• 34:36
  Flies around sounding like fucking Zoidberg.
• 34:53
  I don't like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:56
  So Maryland's also like super hot and stuff.
• 34:59
  But yeah, so like, I don't know, You want to get into the recap?
• 35:03
  I don't know. The creature is considered a
• 35:06
  hoax or a mixture of exaggerated reports similar to the New
• 35:12
  Jersey Devil. All right, so they saw some
• 35:15
  massive bat that was big enough to swoop down on a cow.
• 35:20
  That's neat. Yeah.
• 35:24
  Please. I don't want to talk about this
• 35:25
  fucking Snelly Gaster anymore. I don't like this.
• 35:30
  You can be like, hey, you want to see my Snelly Gaster tattoo?
• 35:34
  Fucking just. Yeah, instead of the Maryland
• 35:37
  flag, I'll just get a Snelly Gaster tattoo.
• 35:40
  Maryland. Flag.
• 35:42
  Have you seen the Maryland flag? No, I just did.
• 35:46
  Imagine having a hard on for the state you live.
• 35:49
  You live in so much. Look up, look up the Maryland
• 35:53
  flag and that is the fucking culture here.
• 35:56
  Go Maryland. Like I don't understand what
• 36:02
  people love about this fucking flag so much.
• 36:05
  But it is. Everywhere.
• 36:08
  I don't get it these. Colors don't run, they
• 36:13
  apparently Sloop down from South Mountain.
• 36:18
  So. If you ever do come out here,
• 36:19
  we'll go to South Mountain Creamery.
• 36:22
  There we go. Ah, it's an ugly ass flag bro.
• 36:27
  Thank you, Thank you. It I don't get it.
• 36:31
  It looks like fucking. And they say we got fucking lead
• 36:39
  in our water. You guys or you guys flag looks
• 36:44
  like that? Yeah.
• 36:50
  Yeah, I don't know. That's a very weird flag.
• 36:59
  I agree. And people get that tattooed on
• 37:02
  them. It looks like a glitch.
• 37:03
  It is literally everywhere like that is a piece of art and 90%
• 37:12
  of houses in the state of Maryland.
• 37:18
  Yeah, I don't. I don't.
• 37:19
  I don't get it personally. Yeah, me either.
• 37:26
  But right, get into your recap. What was my recap all right?
• 37:31
  Wrote it down South. I'm struggling here.
• 37:38
  I'm finding that I'm really, really, really addicted to my
• 37:41
  phone. So it's crazy.
• 37:47
  Maddie text me as soon as I say that I'm mainly addicted to like
• 37:56
  Facebook and Instagram. So I've, I've removed, I keep
• 38:00
  deleting Facebook and Instagram from my phone, which sucks
• 38:04
  because everybody keeps sending me reels.
• 38:07
  So it's like, ah, what are they sending me?
• 38:08
  And like, I have so many people that send me shit, dude, it's
• 38:11
  nuts. So like I'm notorious for just
• 38:14
  like not messaging you back, like I'll just read what you
• 38:17
  send me and then that's it because my phone is always going
• 38:21
  off. Like everybody's like, oh, this
• 38:23
  guy's got to see this. It's funny, you know, I'm like,
• 38:26
  it is funny if out of the shit that I get sent, it's hilarious.
• 38:31
  But I'm always on my phone and like it's bad.
• 38:34
  Like because like I'll make an effort, like all right, I've
• 38:37
  been on my phone. I've been on my phone too much
• 38:40
  today. I'm scrolling.
• 38:41
  I need to just put it in my pocket.
• 38:43
  So I'll put it in my pocket. Not even 40 seconds I'll go by
• 38:46
  and I'll be back out and I'll be scrolling again.
• 38:49
  I'm like, what am I doing? I just said I'm going to be
• 38:51
  done. Like put it in my pocket even
• 38:53
  when I'm at work, dude. So it's like, it's a problem.
• 38:56
  So like, I've deleted Instagram, I'm a deleted X, and I deleted
• 39:00
  Facebook off my phone. But you never really use that
• 39:03
  anyway, but trying really, really hard to kick this
• 39:08
  addiction of mine. So wish me luck with that.
• 39:16
  But I'm proud to say that the bunk bed situation is completely
• 39:22
  done. Boys had bunk beds, they're put
• 39:24
  together, they've got mattresses in them.
• 39:29
  They love it, so that's good. However, Maddie's son Charlie,
• 39:37
  who was 2, is very much so going through the terrible twos.
• 39:44
  Which, fuck the terrible twos. Oh my God, James didn't go
• 39:52
  through the terrible twos. He had one or two meltdowns.
• 39:58
  That was it. And it was like to where the
• 40:01
  point where I was like, what is that?
• 40:04
  Why are you, Why are you reacting like that?
• 40:06
  Like, so like, we skipped over it with him.
• 40:09
  Charlie, however, I, I mentioned the bunk beds.
• 40:15
  He did not try to climb it out at all.
• 40:19
  He's a very brave kid, this kid since like when I came to the
• 40:25
  picture, he was one, right? And he was already like climbing
• 40:31
  ladders and stuff, super, super advanced physically.
• 40:37
  Like the stuff that he's was able to do when I first came
• 40:41
  into the picture was like, it gave me anxiety watching him go
• 40:44
  like we're talking like jumping platform to platform like at one
• 40:49
  year old and like doing ladders by himself and climbing weird
• 40:53
  things at the playground by himself or climbing like up
• 40:56
  rocks and stuff. It was wild.
• 41:00
  Very brave kid. 0 survival instincts, but very brave kid.
• 41:07
  I say that because I have a hardwood floor and the bunk bed
• 41:14
  has a ladder. He didn't want anything to do
• 41:17
  with the bunk bed ladder until he saw his brother.
• 41:20
  His brother came home Sunday it he had seen the bunk bed all
• 41:23
  weekend. No interest in that ladder.
• 41:26
  His brother comes home Sunday and climbs it once to check out
• 41:30
  his new bed. And then all of a sudden,
• 41:35
  Charlie's like going up the ladder.
• 41:38
  And we're we tell his brother we're like, listen, we do not
• 41:41
  want him climbing the ladder. Please don't show him how to do
• 41:45
  it. We do not want him going up the
• 41:48
  ladder. Well, he doesn't listen very
• 41:50
  good because as soon as we walked out, he taught his little
• 41:54
  brother how to climb up the ladder.
• 41:58
  And and I told him I was like, we don't, I was like, we don't
• 42:03
  want him climbing up the ladder. And so like I said, I walked
• 42:07
  out. He teaches his little brother
• 42:09
  how to climb the ladder. So now Charlie's trying to come
• 42:12
  down and he's not facing the ladder, he's facing out and he's
• 42:17
  trying to go down the ladder in a weird way to where he's not
• 42:19
  even holding on. Guess what happens?
• 42:24
  False right cries of course, because it hurt and it scared
• 42:31
  him and everything. So I yell for his brother, get
• 42:35
  in here and I point to his brother on the floor.
• 42:37
  I go. This is why I didn't want him
• 42:39
  climbing the ladder. This is what happened.
• 42:42
  Now Charlie is like, I'm going to go up the ladder again and
• 42:47
  does it again again. Like, I don't know what it is.
• 42:57
  You've fallen twice. Stay off the damn ladder.
• 43:02
  Quit going up the damn ladder. Ladder means pain.
• 43:07
  Quit it. But that doesn't compute.
• 43:11
  Like, what is it with toddlers, man?
• 43:13
  It's like, you would think like this hurt.
• 43:16
  I don't want to do this again. Like, but no, he's like, yeah,
• 43:20
  it may have hurt, but I need to get up there and and and be part
• 43:24
  of that for no reason only to get down in a less than
• 43:30
  preferable way. So I find myself constantly
• 43:36
  having to remind my daughter, who is 3 years old, that gravity
• 43:41
  is in fact still turned on. She is very much Ridley and
• 43:47
  Charlie are probably each other's spirit animal because
• 43:51
  that child fearless. Yeah.
• 43:56
  She was climbing Tree Sands at 2:00.
• 44:01
  Yeah. Like I I'm not kidding when I
• 44:05
  say that she's a feral redneck child and I think last episode I
• 44:11
  she in fact lives life turned up to 11.
• 44:16
  So that's become the running joke when she's doing something
• 44:18
  dumb because she doesn't listen, she has to go do things and
• 44:24
  experiment and go through the scientific process.
• 44:27
  And I I won't tell her not to do it because that does nothing
• 44:31
  except for make her want to do it more.
• 44:33
  I will just remind her that, hey, gravity's turned on.
• 44:37
  Careful. And then when she inevitably
• 44:40
  eats shit, I go, yeah, you remember when I said Gravity was
• 44:45
  turned on? Yeah, it's it's still turned on,
• 44:48
  isn't? It Yeah.
• 44:51
  OK, are we going to listen next time?
• 44:54
  Yeah. No, you're fucking not, but OK.
• 44:58
  See, all right, me and Maddie have way too way different
• 45:03
  parenting styles when it comes to a kid getting hurt like just
• 45:09
  by instinct, obviously. So now it's important that
• 45:13
  obviously if he got seriously hurt, it would be different,
• 45:18
  right? I would step in and you know, be
• 45:22
  super dad 100%. Yeah, there's a difference
• 45:24
  between being hurt and being in pain.
• 45:27
  But when you do something stupid, when he fell from the
• 45:31
  bunk bed, he landed on a bean bag.
• 45:33
  I was smart. I put a bean bag at the bottom
• 45:36
  of the ladder, right, so he didn't hit the hardwood floor.
• 45:41
  But as soon as he fell, had Maddie been in there, she would
• 45:45
  have been like, oh, oh, you know, and then go and pick him
• 45:48
  up and like me. But me, no, I look at him and I
• 45:52
  go, what happened? I told you, you know, like two
• 45:58
  different types of parents. And I'm the same way with James,
• 46:01
  dude. Like when James gets hurt
• 46:03
  because he did something stupid, I just looked at him and go,
• 46:07
  that wasn't very smart, was it? What'd you learn?
• 46:10
  Why'd that happen? You know, I don't cater.
• 46:13
  I don't coddle at all unless they're seriously hurt.
• 46:16
  If they're seriously hurt that I super coddle, Like, you have to.
• 46:20
  Yeah, but like, like, I don't know.
• 46:23
  I've noticed that like if a kid falls, if you don't react to it,
• 46:28
  they're far less likely to cry and make a big deal out of it.
• 46:33
  And if they fall and just lightly bump their butt and you
• 46:36
  can go, oh, are you OK? They're going to look at you and
• 46:39
  get the waterworks and they're going to start crying.
• 46:40
  So I don't do that. I, I ignore it unless they're
• 46:45
  super hurt, like they're actually hurt.
• 46:47
  It's different. But my, I, I think a little bit
• 46:49
  of a little bit of pain as a natural teacher is a great thing
• 46:56
  for kids to experience. I think it's a healthy thing for
• 47:00
  kids to experience because pain's a hell of a teacher and
• 47:07
  pain retains that's. I am a firm believer that some
• 47:12
  of the some of the more important lessons that I've had
• 47:15
  to learn over the course of 30 years have been reinforced with
• 47:20
  a significant amount of pain. 100%.
• 47:23
  Not necessarily being hurt, because hurt is different, but
• 47:28
  being in pain, I think that's a healthy thing. 100% No, I don't
• 47:38
  want it to sound like I, I let my children do things that I
• 47:42
  know we're going to end with them being in pain.
• 47:46
  But when you tell a three-year old, hey, don't do that thing.
• 47:53
  And they're like, OK, I'm like, hey, no, I you're still I, I see
• 47:58
  it in your face. You want to go, don't do that.
• 48:01
  Do not do that, OK? And then they go do it.
• 48:05
  It's like, I've, I told you twice.
• 48:09
  So clearly we're not at the point where, like words and
• 48:12
  logic have entered the chat yet. But pain, pain is in the chat
• 48:16
  from day one. This is a perfect segue into our
• 48:22
  main topic of today's episode. Why are we not allowed to hit
• 48:27
  our kids anymore? No, I'm just going to Jesus.
• 48:33
  So I mean, actually we can, we can talk about that.
• 48:36
  And I, I will be be a little open and transparent here in, in
• 48:47
  the attempt to try to figure out what my daughter would respond
• 48:52
  to as a consequence. Right.
• 48:55
  Initially started out with, OK, you're going to lose this toy or
• 49:00
  whatever your object of fixation is at this point in time, you're
• 49:03
  going to lose it for 1020 minutes.
• 49:06
  The rest of the day, what whatever it is, it's, it's gone.
• 49:10
  That is your consequence. And then that stopped working.
• 49:15
  So I found the most uncomfortable corner in the
• 49:17
  house and that was the consequence and that that worked
• 49:23
  really well for a while. And then that stopped working.
• 49:31
  And then she started getting her butt spanked and right like I'm
• 49:35
  not fucking winding way the fuck back and teeing off on my kid
• 49:40
  like she's when she actually deserves it, she'll get a spank
• 49:52
  on the butt. And right like the first, the
• 49:57
  first couple times that's it's a super weird thing to have to do
• 50:01
  to like spank your kid, especially like spanking my
• 50:04
  daughter like forever. It's like, yeah, you don't, you
• 50:08
  don't spank girls. You don't have to.
• 50:09
  They're they're smart. You don't, it's not required.
• 50:12
  You don't you don't spank girls. But no, no, this one's out here
• 50:18
  breaking the frickin mold, man. And my wife is, was and still to
• 50:27
  a point is very against my daughter getting spanked because
• 50:34
  right, like she never got spanked growing up, but she was
• 50:36
  also the youngest of three. So she watched her brothers get
• 50:40
  spanked when they deserved it. And right, which wasn't often,
• 50:44
  but it's something that happened.
• 50:47
  And I, I kind of view spanking as like a it, it falls within
• 50:55
  the escalation of force continuum, right?
• 50:57
  Like you're doing something or you're acting away.
• 50:59
  And I say, hey, that's not how we act.
• 51:01
  Or hey, we don't do that. Cut it out.
• 51:06
  And in the event that whatever the behavior is persists, then
• 51:10
  it moves to the threat of the spanking.
• 51:13
  Like, hey, I told you to stop. If you're not going to turn your
• 51:16
  ears on, you're going to get your butt spanked.
• 51:19
  Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
• 51:23
  And in the event that the behavior persists past the
• 51:26
  threat of the spanking, then she's getting her butt spanked.
• 51:30
  And generally, like, she gets a single spank on the butt and
• 51:32
  that is enough to get her to like, oh, Yep, Nope, I still
• 51:36
  don't like that. OK, I'm, I'm going to, I'm going
• 51:40
  to get it together for the next 30 minutes and then we'll ease
• 51:44
  back into complete and utter chaos.
• 51:49
  But yeah, like it, like I, I got my butt spanked growing up.
• 51:58
  Like I I can't tell you how many Pampered Chef wooden spoons my
• 52:03
  mom broke between me and my 2 younger brothers, or how many
• 52:09
  times that. Dee and your mom doesn't seem
• 52:11
  like a spanker, dude. Oh buddy, oh buddy, my mother is
• 52:16
  a St. but she will throw hands with a pampered chef wooden
• 52:20
  spoon and after she got tired of breaking wooden spoons it got to
• 52:27
  the point where she would just say wait until your dad gets
• 52:29
  home and at that. Point He does seem like a
• 52:32
  spanker. He would basically walk through
• 52:35
  the door and take his leather belt off and all three line up.
• 52:40
  We would all three line up, get our butts spanked and go on with
• 52:44
  the rest of the night. But something that I remember,
• 52:50
  something that stuck with me was that every time we'd get our
• 52:55
  butt spanked, what immediately followed that was a hug and I
• 53:01
  love you. And then we would talk about why
• 53:05
  we got our butt spanked. So it was never like, oh, dad's
• 53:09
  home, we're going to get beat. It was, oh, Dad's home.
• 53:12
  We're going to get beat and then we get our butt spanked and
• 53:15
  then, you know, we get a hug. We get and I love you.
• 53:17
  And it's like, yeah, you guys, you guys pissed your mom off
• 53:20
  today real good. What the hell were you guys
• 53:23
  thinking? You knew this was going to
• 53:26
  happen. You know, this is the
• 53:27
  consequence. What the hell?
• 53:31
  It's like, oh, fuck yeah, you're right.
• 53:34
  That's right. Pissing Mom off does mean Dad.
• 53:36
  Dad spanks our boat when we get when he gets home.
• 53:40
  Oh, shit, he's right. Sorry, Mom.
• 53:45
  And then we go eat dinner and go to bed.
• 53:49
  So that's something that I've retained with my daughter is
• 53:52
  we'll get to the point where she's getting her butt spanked
• 53:56
  and then I'll stand her back up and go, OK, give me a hug and
• 54:01
  then I'll get her to calm down. I'm like, hey, I love you.
• 54:05
  I don't like spanking your butt. I don't.
• 54:08
  It's not fun for me. Is it fun for you?
• 54:10
  No. OK.
• 54:13
  Why did you get your butt spanked?
• 54:15
  And we'll have a, you know, a 5 minute conversation with a
• 54:18
  three-year old who doesn't quite yet have the ability to pair an
• 54:23
  action with a consequence. So it's 5 minutes of me going,
• 54:26
  hey, do you remember when you were doing this thing?
• 54:29
  Yeah, that was your action. And then I told you you were
• 54:33
  going to get your butt spanked. And then you kept doing that
• 54:36
  thing and then you got your butt spanked.
• 54:38
  Yeah, that's why you got your butts banked.
• 54:42
  All right, Let's not do that thing anymore because I don't
• 54:44
  like having to spank your butt. So I mean, I'll, I'll find out
• 54:50
  in like another 15 years if I'm, if I'm fucking up or not.
• 54:54
  But I don't know. We're all out here just trying
• 54:57
  to figure. We're all just out here trying
• 54:59
  to figure out the fuck out, man. Yeah, no, I mean, so when I I, I
• 55:10
  used to have, so when I when I was married, I raised this, I
• 55:14
  raised the daughter and she was a criminal mastermind, just to
• 55:22
  put it lightly. When she was around that age of
• 55:27
  three, we try and she was a handful.
• 55:32
  Dude, She was a menace. An absolute menace.
• 55:35
  Like she dropped the cat down a laundry chute at menace.
• 55:39
  Yeah, yeah, it was a three story house and it went all the way
• 55:45
  down. Yeah.
• 55:47
  So the cat was OK. The cat was OK, but what sucks
• 55:52
  is it was the nicest cat in the freaking world.
• 55:56
  And she'd take this cat and she'd put it in her dresser and
• 55:59
  close it in the dresser and stuff like that.
• 56:01
  This poor freaking cat that just wanted Lovins.
• 56:06
  We tried everything too. Never really found out what
• 56:11
  worked unfortunately because nothing really did.
• 56:15
  I remember like I tried to take her favorite baby doll and I put
• 56:20
  it on top of the fridge and I said you were very bad.
• 56:25
  Today I'm taking this toy and I'm putting it up here.
• 56:31
  So she took off running to her like I thought she was upset or
• 56:35
  whatever and she comes back with another toy.
• 56:38
  We'll put this one up there too so it's not lonely.
• 56:43
  And I just look at her and I go, what sick mind game are you
• 56:49
  running on me right now? So instead of me putting 1 toy
• 56:53
  up there, you're telling me you're basically calling my
• 56:56
  bluff and telling me to put a second one up there.
• 56:59
  Like that's just how she thought dude.
• 57:01
  Like she was like it didn't matter what like I remember like
• 57:07
  we had, she ended up having a social worker and she asked her
• 57:16
  she goes now. You know that you'll get in
• 57:18
  trouble when you behave this way.
• 57:22
  Why do you still behave this way if you know you're going to get
• 57:25
  in trouble? And she just looks at her
• 57:26
  without changing a blink of an eye on it, without changing the
• 57:29
  facial expression expression. And she goes, well, sometimes
• 57:34
  it's worth it. She goes.
• 57:37
  So she goes, if it's worth it to me, I'll do it anyway.
• 57:45
  And the social worker confided in me, she's like, I don't know
• 57:48
  what to say to that. She's like, I've never heard
• 57:51
  that answer before. And I go, yeah, welcome that.
• 57:55
  She would have been kindergarten slash first grade at that age.
• 58:01
  5-6 years old. And you know, it's just, she was
• 58:07
  very, she was a very difficult child and she would call your
• 58:14
  bluff to where like, I have trauma from it.
• 58:20
  It's funny, but it's not. She was, I remember.
• 58:25
  So like, you could put her in her room, right?
• 58:30
  You'd put her in her room and she'd be like, I have to go to
• 58:34
  the bathroom. All right, Go to the bathroom.
• 58:39
  Then she was realized that there's an Achilles heel in my
• 58:41
  method now. Now all she's got to do is go to
• 58:44
  the bathroom. And I remember one day I was
• 58:49
  sick of it. She was in her room, she was in
• 58:52
  time out and I got to go to the bathroom.
• 58:57
  No, we're not doing that tonight or no, it was bedtime.
• 59:01
  Every time we put her to bed, I got to go to the bathroom.
• 59:04
  You already went to the bathroom.
• 59:05
  We made sure you went to bath to the bathroom before bed.
• 59:08
  We made sure I got to go to the bathroom.
• 59:10
  We're not doing this tonight. And then it's real quiet for a
• 59:15
  minute. She shit on her floor and wiped
• 59:21
  her ass with her blanket. And this is at an age where she
• 59:26
  knew better, you know, like, what do you do at that point?
• 59:39
  You know, and that I. Think the only thing you can do
• 59:43
  is realize that you have lost the infinite battle.
• 59:46
  That and that child is in charge.
• 59:49
  That is when I turned to trying spanking and that also didn't
• 59:54
  work. Oh no.
• 59:57
  And yeah, luckily with James, I never had to.
• 1:00:04
  Is very, very, very, very rarely.
• 1:00:08
  He's ever had to, like, push me to the point where I even
• 1:00:12
  thought about wanting to spank them, not wanting to, but you
• 1:00:15
  know what I mean. Yeah.
• 1:00:20
  I think God was like, bro, you had your hands full with the
• 1:00:23
  last one. Here's an easier 1.
• 1:00:26
  You know, you're just now he's you.
• 1:00:30
  Just the worst part about my son is he'll interrupt you because
• 1:00:34
  he's excited about something or he's super, he's super blunt, so
• 1:00:38
  he comes off as rude sometimes. It's the worst thing about my
• 1:00:42
  son. Like, you know.
• 1:00:47
  Yeah, yeah, I remember. I remember one time we were, I
• 1:00:51
  was home on leave or something and you, you brought James over
• 1:00:56
  to Luke's house. Yeah.
• 1:00:58
  And like, that was the first time I'd I'd met him.
• 1:01:01
  Yeah. And he and I were, we were
• 1:01:04
  buddies, yeah. Like we were BFFS man.
• 1:01:08
  Yeah, I got a picture of you holding them.
• 1:01:10
  It's pretty cool. Yeah, I that's something that is
• 1:01:13
  something that lives aren't for him.
• 1:01:15
  I had. I want you to know that.
• 1:01:17
  Yeah, like. Your son, who doesn't open up to
• 1:01:19
  like anyone, or at least at that point in time, stranger danger
• 1:01:22
  was real. Yeah.
• 1:01:24
  He and I were buds. Yeah, he was a COVID kid.
• 1:01:28
  So we we had him in in May of 2019.
• 1:01:34
  So through the very, through the most like important
• 1:01:38
  developmental years of his brain, he, we were social
• 1:01:42
  distancing. So that was a really, really
• 1:01:47
  hard thing to bounce back from. Luckily we have because I was
• 1:01:53
  very concerned about that for a long time because it was very
• 1:01:57
  anti social social because of that.
• 1:02:01
  But luckily, luckily I ended up working out.
• 1:02:05
  Now he wants to talk to you about math and monster tracks.
• 1:02:10
  He, he's a very smart kid, man. Like he.
• 1:02:15
  So we skipped preschool and we were going to put him in
• 1:02:22
  kindergarten and we were going through the divorce and she was
• 1:02:28
  supposed to enroll him in kindergarten but didn't.
• 1:02:32
  And the doctor said it was OK. He said he's at the right, he's
• 1:02:35
  at the age where he can go to kindergarten next year.
• 1:02:37
  It's OK. It's not a big deal.
• 1:02:39
  I was like, OK, and so without any schooling, he was still
• 1:02:45
  doing his time stables like telling you like like this plus
• 1:02:50
  this is that or this times this is that.
• 1:02:52
  It takes this many to get this many.
• 1:02:54
  Like 5 fives is 25 and he's not even in school yet, right?
• 1:02:59
  That's just stuff he's getting off of like his number block
• 1:03:01
  show on on YouTube. And so like, we've got to put
• 1:03:06
  them in kindergarten and they're like, we're going to just put
• 1:03:09
  them in first grade. He's he's, you know, very smart
• 1:03:13
  kid, which is funny because I had AI had a buddy from North
• 1:03:18
  Carolina come and he's a Stoner. He's a pretty heavy Stoner.
• 1:03:23
  And he wanted to check out Michigan and see what Michigan
• 1:03:26
  was like. And I remember he was, we, I
• 1:03:31
  took him to like, I took them all over.
• 1:03:33
  I took him downtown and I took him like to the art exhibit and
• 1:03:37
  I took him to the, to the Detroit Science Center because I
• 1:03:41
  was, but we had my son too. And I was like, well, my son's
• 1:03:43
  going to want to check this out, so let's go in there.
• 1:03:46
  And so my buddy, we're in, we're outside.
• 1:03:48
  He's ripping on his pen, you know, so he's like, he goes in
• 1:03:52
  and he's pretty, he's pretty lit up.
• 1:03:54
  He's pretty, pretty big. And he goes in there and there's
• 1:03:58
  this giant, there's this giant rope which is attached to a
• 1:04:03
  pulley system, which is attached to a big concrete block that
• 1:04:07
  weighs 2 tons. And so you pull on the rope and
• 1:04:11
  it shows you that with the proper leverage and the and
• 1:04:14
  pulley systems, you can lift it to town on rock.
• 1:04:17
  Yeah. And so my my buddy goes, James,
• 1:04:21
  look at this, look at this big rock.
• 1:04:23
  And James goes, actually, that's a counterweight.
• 1:04:29
  Yeah, you baked fuck. My buddy's like, what?
• 1:04:34
  And he's like, yeah, it's a counterweight and there's
• 1:04:36
  pulleys over there. Even.
• 1:04:39
  I was like, how do you know that?
• 1:04:42
  Because I can read Dad. So funny.
• 1:04:48
  Oh geez, when are you going to get your kid into archery?
• 1:04:53
  Hopefully at some point he's kind of, I don't know, man,
• 1:05:00
  it's, I really want him to be my little hunting buddy.
• 1:05:04
  I really, really, really, really, really want him to be my
• 1:05:07
  hunting buddy. And for a minute there I thought
• 1:05:10
  I had him. Like I got a picture of him.
• 1:05:15
  You know, Hunter's orange is hard to find for a kid that age
• 1:05:17
  Like, so I, I tied up one of my, my orange safety vests and I
• 1:05:22
  tied it around them and I had my orange hoodie on and stuff like
• 1:05:27
  that. And I knew we weren't going to
• 1:05:28
  see anything. But I grabbed my 17 and we
• 1:05:31
  walked into the woods. We were going to do some
• 1:05:32
  squirrel hunting. Basically it was walking around
• 1:05:36
  with a, with a gun. He's sitting on my shoulders
• 1:05:41
  because it was, it was right. It was right after the divorce,
• 1:05:47
  I had lost a bunch of weight and I was doing hikes and stuff like
• 1:05:52
  that. Like I like it was, I was very
• 1:05:54
  much so into like losing weight and going on walks and going on
• 1:05:57
  hikes. And that was, that was my thing
• 1:05:59
  is I'd throw them on my shoulders and we would just go
• 1:06:01
  into the woods. Like that was my fitness.
• 1:06:03
  Like we'd just go for miles. So like, like in Dearborn, you
• 1:06:08
  know, right there next to downtown Dearborn, there's a
• 1:06:11
  bunch of trails in the woods and stuff like that.
• 1:06:13
  I would walk him in the there or we'd go up north where my dad's
• 1:06:16
  at, where you can easily put 8 miles on the trail up there and
• 1:06:21
  in the Harrison area. So I threw him on my shoulders
• 1:06:26
  and we're walking around looking for squirrels.
• 1:06:28
  He loved it, dude. He's like, let's go hunting now.
• 1:06:31
  He's just not so much into it. You know, he doesn't like when I
• 1:06:35
  get a deer. Like, he likes to hear about it.
• 1:06:38
  And but like, I've never really heard him say, Dad, I can't wait
• 1:06:42
  to go hunting with you. You know, I tell him all the
• 1:06:45
  time, I want you to go hunting with me.
• 1:06:46
  I can't wait until you can be my hunting buddy.
• 1:06:48
  And he's just like, yeah, he's just not super into it, you
• 1:06:53
  know, like, so that sucks. And then, like, if I take him
• 1:06:58
  fishing, he gets bored of it quick.
• 1:07:00
  Even if he's got a fish on the line, he gets bored of it.
• 1:07:03
  He just puts it down. And then you got to pick it up
• 1:07:05
  and reel it in real quick. And it's like, come on, Ted, Be
• 1:07:08
  outdoorsy like your dad, you know?
• 1:07:12
  Yeah. So hopefully I can.
• 1:07:18
  I do. However, I think I can get
• 1:07:21
  Maddie into it. And that's the next best thing
• 1:07:26
  because Maddie does want to go hunting.
• 1:07:28
  I bet I can get Maddie into archery.
• 1:07:30
  I think she shot archery when she was a kid.
• 1:07:34
  So I think she's got interest in that.
• 1:07:36
  She definitely likes to go fishing and stuff like that, so
• 1:07:39
  I'm willing to bet that not only will she do that, but I might be
• 1:07:42
  able to get her boys into it. So even if I can't get James
• 1:07:46
  into it, I'm sure at least one of her boys will.
• 1:07:50
  You know, I'll just have my hunting buddy that way, you
• 1:07:53
  know? I mean, I'm right here, but OK,
• 1:07:58
  that's. Cool.
• 1:07:59
  Yeah, right. Where and where the freaking
• 1:08:02
  where the Chattanooga Cryptid is?
• 1:08:05
  I already fucking forgot what it was called.
• 1:08:08
  The Scatlinburg or whatever the fuck it was called.
• 1:08:11
  The Scaliwag. Gallery flies around on a pirate
• 1:08:18
  ship. My my ChatGPT history right now
• 1:08:23
  is is pretty crazy. How's Booker T doing?
• 1:08:26
  And then and then what? Krypton is known to be in
• 1:08:31
  Maryland? Is there a log in spanking your
• 1:08:35
  child? How about in Maryland?
• 1:08:46
  Now I'm guessing the answer to that was no.
• 1:08:48
  Otherwise we got to edit out like half this fucking episode.
• 1:08:51
  I would I would I would have went like.
• 1:08:53
  Yeah. No, it's, it's common sense,
• 1:08:56
  dude. I mean, you're like, they're not
• 1:08:58
  going to tell you you can't spank your kid.
• 1:09:01
  Like basically light spanking with an open hand can be lawful,
• 1:09:09
  right? It's like when you leave bruises
• 1:09:12
  or welts or cuts or marks, that's when it becomes an issue.
• 1:09:19
  If you're using if, like if you're using an object like a
• 1:09:21
  belt or a cord or a stick, that's not that's that's an
• 1:09:26
  issue. Yeah, the days of picking your
• 1:09:29
  switch off the Willow tree, those days are over.
• 1:09:32
  I remember them. But that shit doesn't fly
• 1:09:34
  anymore. Yeah, our lawmakers are a bunch
• 1:09:37
  of pussies. We need to bring them.
• 1:09:40
  We need to bring that back, dude.
• 1:09:43
  Fucking. But I mean, yeah, just just to
• 1:09:47
  clear the air for anyone who got uppity about the fact that I
• 1:09:51
  spanked my daughter. There is a there's a very clear
• 1:09:55
  difference between, as Jimmy put it in open hand spank, generally
• 1:10:00
  one and beating your fucking kid.
• 1:10:05
  And I, I don't beat my fucking kid.
• 1:10:10
  I will never beat my kid. I literally would get physically
• 1:10:15
  violent if I saw somebody beating a fucking kid.
• 1:10:18
  Yeah. So yeah, to clear the air for
• 1:10:23
  anyone who's uncomfortable with with what I said earlier, let me
• 1:10:28
  tell you, if the other things worked, believe me, I would love
• 1:10:32
  to not have to spank my daughter.
• 1:10:37
  But spanking is kind of like clicker training a dog.
• 1:10:43
  Every so often you have to recharge the clicker, and then
• 1:10:47
  the clicker works. Every so often you need to
• 1:10:52
  recharge the threat of hey, you're going to get your butt
• 1:10:55
  spanked. And the way to do that is they
• 1:10:58
  have to get their butts banked to be reminded that me telling
• 1:11:02
  you the consequences of Butts bank, the reminder that that is
• 1:11:08
  an actual real threat. I'm like, hey, I don't want to
• 1:11:11
  do that. So yeah, send all your hate to
• 1:11:17
  to the Facebook page. I will respond.
• 1:11:19
  Let's have a conversation about it.
• 1:11:25
  Maddie's got the issue where like her two year old likes to
• 1:11:28
  hit her and he does not react to spankings very well because he
• 1:11:38
  just hits you back. If you try to spank him, he hits
• 1:11:42
  you back. He doesn't do it when I'm around
• 1:11:49
  because I scared the shit out of him.
• 1:11:50
  I didn't hit him. It's not my kid like, you know,
• 1:11:54
  but I grabbed his arm and I shot him a mean enough face and I
• 1:12:00
  raised my voice to the point where like he didn't know what I
• 1:12:03
  was going to do because he was going to hit his because he was
• 1:12:07
  trying to hit his mom. I stepped in and I caught it and
• 1:12:10
  I remember like I was like, you do not hit mom.
• 1:12:15
  And then he looked at me and he just immediately folded, like
• 1:12:17
  just went straight to tears. But I also don't go oh, like I
• 1:12:22
  just keep that mean ass look like that's right.
• 1:12:27
  Like this is, you know, this isn't going to happen, you know,
• 1:12:31
  and it seems like every time like Maddie goes home, like he's
• 1:12:38
  back to like smacking her and stuff.
• 1:12:40
  But he when he's here and when she's here, it doesn't happen.
• 1:12:44
  And kids, man, like they're always harder on their mothers
• 1:12:49
  for some reason I've noticed too.
• 1:12:52
  Like do they feel like they can just get away with more with the
• 1:12:55
  mom, which is probably probably accurate, but man, And then
• 1:13:03
  like. Part of it too.
• 1:13:05
  Is I remember we were at Thanksgiving.
• 1:13:07
  This actually made me really mad.
• 1:13:09
  We were at Thanksgiving and like he went to go hit Maddie's mom
• 1:13:22
  and she was holding them and he like wound up and he like went
• 1:13:27
  to go hit her in the face. And like I like, I caught him.
• 1:13:30
  Like I seen it coming and I looked at her.
• 1:13:33
  I was like, we've been really working on this.
• 1:13:35
  And it like she didn't like that I did that and she like kind of
• 1:13:42
  like pulled away from me a little bit.
• 1:13:44
  She wasn't aggressive about it or whatever, but then she
• 1:13:47
  coddled it. Oh, he's just using his
• 1:13:50
  emotions. He's upset right now.
• 1:13:54
  And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
• 1:13:57
  This little boy just tried to hit you in the face and you're
• 1:14:00
  justifying it because he has emotions?
• 1:14:04
  Are you nuts? Like what?
• 1:14:11
  No freaking wonder. Like if that's the support
• 1:14:15
  system, Like if you're seeing that, you're justifying that.
• 1:14:18
  No wonder he acts like that. That's not OK.
• 1:14:22
  Like what? Fucking out of your God damn
• 1:14:24
  mind, you know? Yeah, like Ridley will.
• 1:14:31
  Ridley will get big feelings and she's gotten, she's gotten
• 1:14:37
  better about it. But that used to be her go to
• 1:14:39
  thing like just like super big feeling.
• 1:14:44
  She's swinging and she realized that, hey, we don't hit and the
• 1:14:51
  action hitting has the consequence of either the corner
• 1:14:56
  or you're getting your butt spanked because we don't do
• 1:14:59
  that. And I need you to effectively in
• 1:15:04
  the situation. The butt spank is that sharp
• 1:15:06
  correction. That's like, Hey, I, I know you
• 1:15:10
  got a lot going on right now, but I need your attention and me
• 1:15:15
  trying to talk to you is not going to get your attention.
• 1:15:19
  So yeah, like Ridley. Ridley still does sometimes, but
• 1:15:27
  not as much as she used to. When when she does get those
• 1:15:31
  really big feelings, she'll just start swinging.
• 1:15:34
  And it's gotten to the point where like, like she'll hit and
• 1:15:39
  like, right, I'm, I'm not going to spank my kid every time she
• 1:15:43
  hits when she's, you know, trying to process some
• 1:15:46
  legitimate emotions there. But I'll be like, hey, you're
• 1:15:48
  going to go sit in the corner and you're going to figure this
• 1:15:50
  out. And when you're done with this
• 1:15:52
  tantrum, we will talk about it. And like I, when I put her in
• 1:15:56
  the corner, I don't, I'm not like, all right, you're in the
• 1:15:58
  corner for 5 minutes. I'm like, hey, you're in the
• 1:16:01
  corner until you calm down and you're ready to talk.
• 1:16:04
  Yeah. So like she's in control of her
• 1:16:07
  corner time. So it's like I'll put her in
• 1:16:09
  there. Is like, because I try that too,
• 1:16:13
  like you got to pick a designated spot obviously for a
• 1:16:20
  time out when he gets mean and nasty, you know, obviously I
• 1:16:28
  don't go to smack them, you know, or whatever.
• 1:16:30
  I go right to time out. I grab him and I walk him over
• 1:16:35
  and I put him in in his bed. But here's the problem, he does
• 1:16:41
  not stay in it. He yells no and then immediately
• 1:16:46
  gets out. Like I'm not 100% sure on how to
• 1:16:53
  combat that yet because you put him in it and he immediately
• 1:16:58
  gets up, yells no. He's having a tantrum and he
• 1:17:01
  gets up and like you can't you pick him back up, put him in it
• 1:17:06
  gets up, pick them back up, put a minute.
• 1:17:09
  It's a never ending. It's like his brain is in a
• 1:17:12
  loop. It does not set in his mind like
• 1:17:15
  hey, I need to stay here. It's in his mind.
• 1:17:18
  Fuck you. I'm not saying here like you
• 1:17:21
  know, and I don't 100% know how to handle that yet.
• 1:17:27
  Yeah. So that's a difficult one.
• 1:17:29
  I, I, I went through something very similar to that when we
• 1:17:34
  started really getting into the timeouts.
• 1:17:37
  And Ridley will very rarely, much like, you know, making sure
• 1:17:45
  Gravity's turned on because she does that.
• 1:17:48
  She will revisit like making sure that certain rules are
• 1:17:51
  still in play and like the rules of the game haven't changed.
• 1:17:58
  So sometimes a lot more when we initially started with the
• 1:18:02
  timeouts and whatnot, put her in timeout and she's still like in
• 1:18:10
  her meltdown loop. Logic has left the chat, She is
• 1:18:13
  doing whatever she is doing. Put her in timeout and she's
• 1:18:17
  immediately up and out. In my head, it's like the three
• 1:18:22
  strikes, you're out plus ±1. So like, put her in timeout, she
• 1:18:28
  gets out. All right, get back in the
• 1:18:30
  corner. Now you're not done yet.
• 1:18:33
  All right, Well, she doesn't listen.
• 1:18:35
  OK, now I am. So there, there's more to it,
• 1:18:39
  right? So there's, there's the three
• 1:18:41
  strikes and then there's like in line with the escalation of
• 1:18:45
  force, there is the the verbal correction, the time out and
• 1:18:52
  then the threat of the spanking and then the spanking.
• 1:18:55
  But there is also in parallel to that, the ask, tell, make.
• 1:19:01
  So I'm going to ask you to do something.
• 1:19:03
  I'm going to then tell you to do that thing.
• 1:19:06
  And if that still doesn't work, I'm going to make you do that
• 1:19:09
  thing that I am asking you and then telling you to do.
• 1:19:14
  So like, hey, we're going to the corner, gets up.
• 1:19:17
  Hey, can you get back in the corner?
• 1:19:20
  You're not done in time out yet. No.
• 1:19:22
  OK, get back in the corner now. Now.
• 1:19:26
  All right, fine. Physically move her back to the
• 1:19:30
  corner and then if she gets up again, you go through the ass
• 1:19:34
  tell make again and then you simultaneously have the the
• 1:19:39
  escalation of punishment, we'll call it of all right.
• 1:19:44
  This is the second strike with time out.
• 1:19:46
  Hey, I'm now going to put you back in the corner.
• 1:19:50
  If you get up again, you're getting your butt spanked.
• 1:19:54
  Got it. And it's a very direct, not so
• 1:19:59
  much forceful, but it's a it's a very direct conversation of
• 1:20:03
  like, hey, you were going to sit here until you have you have
• 1:20:07
  calmed down to the point where you're ready to talk when you're
• 1:20:10
  done crying, you can get out of the corner.
• 1:20:13
  If you get out before then, you're going to get your butts
• 1:20:15
  banked and you're still going to be in time out.
• 1:20:18
  Got it. And like that's, that's been a
• 1:20:23
  whole fucking trial and error process.
• 1:20:27
  That has been a huge pain in the ass and a huge patience test.
• 1:20:35
  But I will say that generally like very rarely is there a
• 1:20:40
  Butts bank incorporated with a time out anymore.
• 1:20:45
  Right. And you don't want to just
• 1:20:47
  default to it either, because then it loses its.
• 1:20:50
  It's more so the fear of it is where where it's effective.
• 1:20:59
  It's not that it's not the spanking itself, it's the it's
• 1:21:03
  all mental. It's the anticipation of it.
• 1:21:06
  It's the fear of it that makes it effective.
• 1:21:08
  Unfortunately, at 2:00, we're not at the point yet to where
• 1:21:13
  ultimatums are understood. So I can't tell him stay here or
• 1:21:22
  this is going to happen. He doesn't understand that yet.
• 1:21:25
  He's we're getting there because like a good example is now it's
• 1:21:31
  finally in his head. Like when he's eating, like,
• 1:21:34
  like, for example, like he, he, he takes a nap every day and he
• 1:21:39
  always has his lunch before he takes a nap.
• 1:21:43
  And there's some days where you go to feed him and he gets down
• 1:21:48
  and he goes to try to play or whatever.
• 1:21:52
  But nap time's coming. Can't skip the nap time and.
• 1:21:57
  Oh God no. Because then he's just a Dick.
• 1:22:00
  You skip nap time, he's an asshole.
• 1:22:02
  Like he's, you know, full on terrible twos.
• 1:22:06
  But we're getting to the point now where when he gets down, I
• 1:22:13
  go eat your food. No, that's his.
• 1:22:16
  That's his thing. It's it's really cute.
• 1:22:17
  Actually. He goes, it's frustrating, but
• 1:22:20
  it's cute. No.
• 1:22:22
  And so now, like, I got to go, do you want to go to bed?
• 1:22:27
  No. Then go eat your food.
• 1:22:30
  And then some, most times he'll go back and you know, it took a
• 1:22:34
  couple times of me going eat your food.
• 1:22:37
  No, You want to go to bed? No.
• 1:22:40
  Then go eat your food. No.
• 1:22:42
  OK, bedtime, you know, and then pretend to put him to bed.
• 1:22:47
  So we're getting to the point where he's starting to
• 1:22:49
  understand. So like, I don't know if the
• 1:22:54
  time out thing will ever be effective with him, but we'll
• 1:22:59
  see. Especially as he gets more
• 1:23:05
  familiar with the ultimatums and stuff, maybe it might become
• 1:23:07
  more effective. But yeah, luckily though,
• 1:23:13
  luckily discipline is not something that has to happen all
• 1:23:19
  the time. Luckily he's not.
• 1:23:21
  He's not a bad kid. Not like our kids are not bad
• 1:23:26
  kids. Like they're, they're pretty
• 1:23:27
  well behaved. We're just going through, he's
• 1:23:30
  going through a terrible toothpaste.
• 1:23:31
  So sometimes he's acting like a 2 year old, which is the best
• 1:23:36
  way to put it. He's not a bad kid.
• 1:23:37
  He's. Just he's not a bad kid.
• 1:23:39
  He's just two fucking years old. He's.
• 1:23:41
  Exactly, exactly. And it's like, you know, like,
• 1:23:48
  man, terrible tooth suck. They Yeah, man.
• 1:23:55
  Yeah, my daughter, however, the she went through the terrible
• 1:24:04
  twos for like 3 years. It was rough, man.
• 1:24:09
  So that was rough, 'cause it was terrible threes and then the
• 1:24:14
  terrible, terrible twos and the terrible threes and then.
• 1:24:19
  And then you realize, oh, she was there, Yeah.
• 1:24:23
  Yeah, IB. Yeah, and like, right, the, the
• 1:24:28
  Super fun part of it is that there's no, there's no answer
• 1:24:32
  that's going to apply to every kid, right?
• 1:24:34
  Like growing up me, like I, I could get the threat of a butt
• 1:24:41
  spank and, and shape up. Right.
• 1:24:45
  My middle brother, he dude, he was just there for the vibes.
• 1:24:49
  He was there for the vibes of being a terrorist or being an
• 1:24:51
  Angel. It just depended on the day.
• 1:24:53
  And then my youngest brother, like mom would say, are you and
• 1:24:58
  your bus spank when dad gets home?
• 1:25:01
  OK, bring it. Like Luke was spanking.
• 1:25:06
  Did not. Spanking did not affect him.
• 1:25:10
  Really. Like he was straight up the
• 1:25:12
  thank you Sir, may I have another kid?
• 1:25:17
  The thing that got to Luke was taking his things away.
• 1:25:24
  So like you've you've got to find out what what the effect of
• 1:25:28
  discipline method is for each kid and each kids going to be
• 1:25:33
  different. Like beads, for example.
• 1:25:38
  You can spank beads, but all you're going to get is piss
• 1:25:41
  smell and clean laundry. Yeah, I haven't figured out how
• 1:25:45
  to discipline Beads yet. Beads is a he's adorable, but
• 1:25:54
  he's an asshole. Beads will Beads 100% has ties
• 1:26:03
  to Al Qaeda. When, when when the kids are
• 1:26:09
  eating. When the kids are eating he will
• 1:26:13
  come up and steal a chicken nugget.
• 1:26:16
  He's an asshole, but he's a cat. See, cats are very much so
• 1:26:20
  different than dogs. Dogs, you can spank them and
• 1:26:24
  they usually learn. You can be verbally disappointed
• 1:26:28
  in a dog and they'll go like be upset about it.
• 1:26:33
  Cats basically are like a toxic relationship.
• 1:26:36
  They will gaslight the hell out of you while you're yelling at
• 1:26:40
  them. They'll stare at you and be
• 1:26:41
  like, why are you yelling at me right now while they're eating
• 1:26:44
  the chicken nugget? They still got the chicken
• 1:26:47
  nugget. Why are you yelling at me?
• 1:26:49
  Oh my God, you're mad at me and then take off and they're the
• 1:26:52
  victim. You're a piece of shit.
• 1:26:54
  You yelled at me. You're a piece of shit.
• 1:26:56
  Why are you yelling at me? I don't understand.
• 1:26:58
  This chicken's delicious, you know, like it's like beads,
• 1:27:04
  steals food. Can't tell you how many times
• 1:27:09
  I've cooked a delicious ass meal and like I'll make like pork
• 1:27:14
  tenderloins or whatever and then all of a sudden there's a whole
• 1:27:17
  fucking pork tenderloin missing from the pan and it's on the
• 1:27:21
  floor with bite Marks and you want to kill this God damn cat,
• 1:27:27
  but you can't. He does that shit all the time.
• 1:27:31
  It sucks. You can't do anything about it
• 1:27:34
  because you can't you, you do something about it every time.
• 1:27:38
  That's the thing. Like if, if there's something
• 1:27:41
  next to you throwing at him or something, you know, it doesn't
• 1:27:43
  matter. It doesn't matter what you do.
• 1:27:45
  He does it again, Cats. Cats or something.
• 1:27:49
  Dude. Yeah.
• 1:27:51
  Luckily he doesn't piss on shit out of spite.
• 1:27:53
  That would not be good. No, no, that would, yeah.
• 1:27:58
  'Cause he had a good boy. Except for when he's when.
• 1:28:00
  I was living in California and I.
• 1:28:06
  AM. Still have no idea why, but they
• 1:28:11
  out of nowhere started pissing in laundry baskets with clean
• 1:28:16
  clothes. Not dirty clothes, clean
• 1:28:18
  clothes, but they were also pissing blood.
• 1:28:23
  Yeah, right. Several trips to the vet later.
• 1:28:28
  I'd be pissing blood too if I had to live with your ex though,
• 1:28:31
  which is terrible. Chalked it up to they're
• 1:28:36
  stressed and I'm like, the fuck do you mean they're stressed?
• 1:28:44
  This is before we even got a dog and they're already doing this
• 1:28:48
  shit. So like I, I, I love cats,
• 1:28:52
  right? Like the property that I hunt,
• 1:28:54
  they have farm cats and every year there's a new litter of
• 1:28:59
  farm cats because none of the cats are fixed on the property.
• 1:29:03
  And every year the same 6 or 7 ± 1 makes it to the next year
• 1:29:10
  because there's foxes and Hawks and all the sort mints of riders
• 1:29:15
  that would eat a kitten. But yeah, like I'm all about
• 1:29:21
  hanging out with a cat. I'm all about hanging out with a
• 1:29:23
  cool cat. Like a cat that thinks it's a
• 1:29:27
  dog all about it. Like Tiger Tiger was a fucking
• 1:29:33
  kick ass cat. He was kind of a crotchety
• 1:29:37
  fucking douche in his in his later years, but he was a cool
• 1:29:42
  cat. But yeah, the cats that know
• 1:29:48
  that they're cats and act like cats, I'm like, Nah, fuck, fuck
• 1:29:51
  all the way off. I don't have time or patience
• 1:29:53
  for you. Yeah, Beads is a cool cat.
• 1:29:59
  He's definitely the best cat ever.
• 1:30:02
  Did I tell you the story of me getting Beads?
• 1:30:06
  No. I used to, I used to deliver
• 1:30:09
  appliances and I was doing a delivery in Macomb and Macomb
• 1:30:19
  was about an hour away from my house.
• 1:30:23
  I was living at Dearborn at the time and I remember I was, I
• 1:30:29
  had, we had a cat at the house already.
• 1:30:36
  But I remember I, I'm going, I'm doing this delivery and he's got
• 1:30:40
  like a full kitchen. We're delivering a full kitchen
• 1:30:42
  to this guy. So microwave, fridge, you know,
• 1:30:46
  everything you'd need in the kitchen.
• 1:30:49
  Yeah. And so I'm bringing all the
• 1:30:50
  stuff in and it's a guy and he's got 2 little kids and they're
• 1:30:56
  like, you want to see our cat? I was like, sure, yeah, I've got
• 1:31:00
  a cat too. And he goes, they go, not like
• 1:31:02
  this cat, you don't. And I go, oh, you know, I'm
• 1:31:07
  thinking, I'm thinking, you know, these kids must love their
• 1:31:10
  cat or whatever. You know, I didn't take much
• 1:31:12
  into. I didn't, I didn't really think
• 1:31:14
  much too much. I was like, let me bring all
• 1:31:16
  this stuff in and then you guys can show me your cat.
• 1:31:20
  And he was considerably younger when this happened, but he came
• 1:31:25
  running out all curious, wanting to know what I was doing, what I
• 1:31:28
  was delivering and everything like that and everything.
• 1:31:31
  And I'm like, what kind of cat is that?
• 1:31:33
  Like he had big ears. Like it just just looked, you
• 1:31:37
  know, the way he behaved and just his whole demeanor.
• 1:31:41
  So I didn't really think too much of it on what these kids
• 1:31:45
  were saying about the cat. But this cat was unlike any
• 1:31:49
  other cat I've I've seen before. So I'm like, I'm talking to the
• 1:31:54
  owner and I go, man, that is a beautiful cat.
• 1:32:00
  And he looks at me and he goes, I fucking hate this cat.
• 1:32:05
  And I'm like, what? And he's like, yeah, do you want
• 1:32:08
  them? And I was, I kind of laugh.
• 1:32:12
  I was like, are you serious? Because yeah.
• 1:32:17
  And he's like, yeah, no, I'm serious.
• 1:32:18
  He's like, So he's like, my wife wanted the cat for the kids.
• 1:32:26
  He's like, so I got the cat. And then the wife moved out and
• 1:32:31
  she took the kids. He's like, so now he's like,
• 1:32:36
  it's great during the weekend when I have the kids, but during
• 1:32:40
  the week it's just me and this fucking cat.
• 1:32:43
  And he was like, so if you want him, he's like, he's like, let
• 1:32:48
  me think about it a little bit and I'll get back with you.
• 1:32:50
  And he's like, give me your phone number and stuff.
• 1:32:52
  So like this was this job. We worked all like we worked
• 1:32:56
  long days. We worked like 14 hour days.
• 1:33:00
  I'm finally home. It's 8:00 at night.
• 1:33:04
  My day starts at 5:00 in the morning and my phone's going
• 1:33:07
  off. Hey, do you still want this cat?
• 1:33:13
  Yeah, man. And he's like, he's like, make
• 1:33:22
  me an offer and I go because it like beads, beads easily is like
• 1:33:29
  a $2000 cap. So I tell him I go.
• 1:33:34
  I, I was like, honestly, man, I don't even want to make an offer
• 1:33:38
  to you. I was like, I don't make that
• 1:33:41
  much money. I don't have any money right
• 1:33:43
  now. I don't have, I don't have like
• 1:33:46
  any offer that I'm going to make to you is going to be a lowball
• 1:33:50
  spit in the face offer. I just don't have anything.
• 1:33:54
  And he's like, seriously, man, just make an offer.
• 1:33:57
  And I was like, I got 200 bucks that I could part with and he's
• 1:34:00
  like, that's fine, bring it in two, two $100 bills, give one to
• 1:34:04
  each kid. And I was like, OK, well, I live
• 1:34:07
  in Dearborn. I live pretty far, so it's going
• 1:34:10
  to take me a minute to get out there.
• 1:34:11
  And he's like, fine, just get here when you can.
• 1:34:13
  So I did, I hit the, you know, I gave him 100 bucks each and got
• 1:34:17
  this cat and he immediately I brought a kitten carrier.
• 1:34:21
  He wanted nothing to do with the cat carrier.
• 1:34:23
  As soon as I got in the car, he got out of the cat carrier and
• 1:34:25
  sat on my shoulders the whole drive home.
• 1:34:28
  And that's how I got beats. Nice.
• 1:34:40
  Yeah. So it's a it's a it was, it was
• 1:34:46
  very cool, man. It was, it was cool experience.
• 1:34:50
  I got lucky to get this cat and now he just trauma.
• 1:34:54
  He just terrorizes us on the regular with knocking shit over
• 1:34:59
  and getting into stuff and stealing people's food.
• 1:35:04
  But he cuddles and he plays and he sleeps with you.
• 1:35:10
  Honestly, I don't know what more you could ask for in a cat, you
• 1:35:16
  know, like that's, that's pretty solid cat.
• 1:35:20
  Oh. Yeah, I don't, I don't know what
• 1:35:21
  else. What else do you want to?
• 1:35:23
  I mean, we just, we just talked about a lot of shit for an hour
• 1:35:31
  and a half. That was way longer than I
• 1:35:34
  thought We were going to go tonight because oh fuck, hey,
• 1:35:38
  Gavin's not here. Yeah.
• 1:35:43
  Run it back, Gavin. He's still waiting for the
• 1:35:47
  invite code. Oh, fuck.
• 1:35:52
  So Gavin texted in the group chat said that he had a he had a
• 1:35:55
  migraine set in and he wasn't going to make it tonight.
• 1:35:58
  So hashtag thoughts and prayers to to Gavin.
• 1:36:05
  You know that hope that migraine doesn't persist longer than like
• 1:36:09
  20 minutes. And he should be back next week
• 1:36:15
  where we're going to we're going to explore each other.
• 1:36:21
  We're going to learn more about our Co hosts and yeah, it should
• 1:36:27
  be a lot of fun. Acknowledge that this episode
• 1:36:31
  really is primarily going to resonate with folks that have
• 1:36:36
  kids or parents in general or serve as a a form of birth
• 1:36:43
  control. For those of you out there who
• 1:36:45
  don't have kids and are thinking about it, it's a great time, but
• 1:36:51
  don't, don't fucking do it. It's a trap.
• 1:36:54
  That is an Admiral Ackbar fucking trap.
• 1:36:58
  With that being said, I love my kids and I would absolutely do
• 1:37:01
  it again. So take all of that.
• 1:37:06
  Take all that for what you will. Kids are a lot of fun being a
• 1:37:12
  parents, a lot of fun. It's also an absolute fucking
• 1:37:15
  nightmare every day. I just keep telling myself that
• 1:37:20
  eventually my kids will be cool and it'll all have been worth
• 1:37:25
  it. So.
• 1:37:29
  So yeah. Jimmy, you got any final
• 1:37:35
  thoughts for all nineteen of our listeners that show up every
• 1:37:40
  week? Just be rooting, be Tooting, and
• 1:37:44
  don't beat your kids. Yeah, don't.
• 1:37:49
  Don't beat your kids. There's a difference between
• 1:37:53
  discipline and abuse, and it's not as final line as you would
• 1:37:57
  think. With that, reach out.
• 1:38:04
  There's a difference between open hand and closed hands, and
• 1:38:08
  my kids will tell you that from experience.
• 1:38:14
  It's not funny to laugh about child abuse.
• 1:38:17
  Jesus. Yeah, Wolf, Wolf, on that note,
• 1:38:26
  yeah, fuck. Don't beat your fucking kids.
• 1:38:31
  Reach out to your friends, reach out to the boys, to the goons,
• 1:38:34
  the folks that you served with or worked with, or dudes that at
• 1:38:39
  what point you called brother or close with.
• 1:38:44
  Especially those who are parents of kids that are under 5 'cause
• 1:38:48
  they're fucking going through it right now and will for a handful
• 1:38:53
  more years. So this has been another episode
• 1:38:58
  of the Three Damn Dudes podcast for Jimmy, for Gavin, and I'm
• 1:39:03
  Mike. Hey, thanks for showing up guys.
• 1:39:07
  We appreciate. You bye.
• 1:39:09
  K love you. Bye.