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Midlife Reset: From Crisis to Clarity · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Details.
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Welcome to the Diva Details, where bold, confident women
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embrace life unapologetically. From love and
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sex to wellness and reinvention, we keep it raw,
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real, and powerful. No filters, no limits,
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just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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Let's dive in with Diva Mia.
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Well, this is Diva Mia. Today I want to talk about something that I think
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we have been taught to look at completely backwards, which is midlife. For years,
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women have been sold this idea that our 40s and 50s represent some kind
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of slowdown or decline. Our bodies change, relationships change,
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our kids grow and our careers shift, hormones change.
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But what happens is we change in a way that I don't think
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we actually recognized. Sometimes marriages end, sometimes careers end,
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but we look around at life and we've spent decades
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building and we realize that even what we thought was possible
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may not be. And because maybe their path changed.
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So let's look at society because society has created
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a term for it called midlife crisis. But what if it's not
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a crisis? What if it's just clarity into what you're looking for? What if
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As a woman, you become in your 40s, 50s, 60s,
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et cetera, stronger because you finally had enough experience
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to understand who you are. You've had enough experience to know what you want
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and enough confidence to stop apologizing for it. And then enough
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urgency to stop wasting your time. Today we're talking about the midlife
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reset. We're not going to call it a crisis. We're not trying to become 25
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again. We don't want to desperately hold onto some type of
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past. We want to embrace who we are today. We're going to love
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who we are today because intentionality and deciding what
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the next version of your life is going to be takes a little bit of
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effort and focus because your 40s, 50s, et cetera,
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don't have to begin— be the beginning of your decline. I can tell you,
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I've got some friends that are in their 70s and they're competing in bodybuilding competitions.
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I know people that are resetting their entire world at
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50. It might be the beginning of your strongest decade yet. You aren't starting
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over. One of the biggest mistakes we make during major life
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transition is telling ourselves that we have to start all over again.
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Maybe you broke up with a man, maybe you got a divorce,
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maybe your kids left home and you might be a widower,
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but you're not starting over. You're not, because you have so much experience
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now. There's an enormous difference from starting over at 25 just to
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beginning again in your 50s. You might have had enough energy
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and ambition, but you probably didn't have the perspective that
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you have today. Or the knowledge. You hadn't experienced enough failure in
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your 20s to really know what you wanted. Now you've survived disappointment.
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You've learned what people deserved access to and which people don't.
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You hadn't learned how expensive bad decisions can become. And you
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also hadn't figured out which battles mattered and
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which ones weren't worth fighting for, or 5 minutes of your time.
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Now you know. You've loved people. You've lost people.
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You've trusted people and trusted the wrong people. You made mistakes.
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And suddenly you have succeeded at things you once thought were impossible.
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You've survived situations that younger you would never have survived or
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would have been terrified to even face. This isn't baggage. This is data
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and data collection. I've talked about data collection quite often. And in midlife, you have
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a lot of data that you've collected. Midlife gives you something that your
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younger youth could not give you. It's perspective.
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And perspective can become an incredible advantage if you actually use
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it. All the failures were actually true lessons. There's another transition
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that happens around this age, and that doesn't get discussed very much,
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but for decades, women are often defined by their roles. We were
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daughters and then wives and then mothers, sometimes employees and business
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owners or caregivers, but we spend so much of our time being something
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for somebody else that eventually a very simple question becomes
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surprisingly difficult. Who am I? When I'm not taking care of
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everyone else, who am I? That question can feel very uncomfortable.
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Who do you wanna be? But it's one of the most important questions you have
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to ask yourself. What do you like? What do you want? What does your ideal
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day look like? And what does your ideal body feel like? You need to determine
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how you want to live. You need to determine what you want and which people
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you want to have around you. You get to choose. You get to create a
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life that you dreamed about on your terms.
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And if there's things you haven't done yet, maybe traveled, started a business,
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gone to different places. Maybe the biggest question is nobody
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else's opinion matters now. So what will you do now? That's where the
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reset happens. That's where the reset begins. You know, it's, it's not a new
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wardrobe or a new relationship or in a dramatic announcement
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that you're going on a trip on social media. It starts with just knowing
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yourself. It's a reset, a reset of who you are
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and letting the old version of you go. You have to allow yourself to change.
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And sometimes letting the old version of you, it feels like a death because growth
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requires something that sounds simple, but it can actually be incredibly difficult. It feels
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like you're— the old you is dying and you're creating a
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new you. Sometimes we stay loyal to the old versions of ourselves way longer
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than we need to. Maybe you always, you've always been the accommodating
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one, the people pleaser, the dependable one, the person that never says
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no. And now you want to choose a different path. Now,
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instead of making everyone else happy, you want to make yourself happy. And there's
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nothing wrong with that. If you stay because and work because everybody
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realizes you're not a quitter. That's not a way to make yourself happy if
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you're miserable. Women who tolerate things because we don't want to disappoint
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others is not a good way to live. At some point you have to ask,
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is this actually who I am or is this simply who I've trained myself to
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be? Did I people please and take, put up with things I should never have
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allowed in my life? Did I allow little things and turned into big things because
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I allowed it? There are habits that helped us survive earlier periods of our lives
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that may no longer serve us. Growth isn't always about adding adding something.
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Sometimes it's about subtraction. In fact, this month is my
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month of no. I just recently went through a breakup and I
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have decided that this month I'm just saying no. Everybody's been coming at me
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with new requests because they heard that I was single. My month is my month
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of no. I just don't want to do anything else. I'm doing plenty of things
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that I like to do. Whenever anybody asks me to do something else
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or go on a date, this is my month of no. I just want to
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take time for me. If I can say no to all the other little things
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that everybody wants me to do and just be myself, it's a much healthier
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relationship for me because I need to take time for me. And there's
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nothing wrong with that. You'll find that you'll have fewer unhealthy relationships
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when you have a month of no. Fewer excuses and no reason to impress
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people. We only have one life. So when you waste it with the wrong
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people, the people that don't treat you with respect
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or treat you well, you're wasting your time and valuable
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energy. The fewer people that you let into your life, the less energy you
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have to expend on people that don't deserve it. Maybe a
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few more boundaries might be good as well, because when we have boundaries, we do
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protect ourselves better. The other thing is your body is changing, but it's not finished.
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You've got decades more to go in midlife to have such
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a fun body. Because yes, bodies change and our hormones change
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and muscle mass may decline, but it doesn't have to. Your sleep
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can change, but it doesn't have to. You can improve all of this because you're
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Metabolism, body composition, it's changed, but it's just different. It doesn't
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mean it's done. It actually means that the decades you became far more
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intentional about your health. Now you have to focus on your health, but that's okay.
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Maybe exercising in your 20s was bouncing around. Now it's lifting weights
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and walking or doing yoga and strength and exercise
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and stretching. All of those things help with your energy
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and your independence. You may want to travel now.
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Pick up your grandchildren. If you have to carry your own damn suitcase,
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there's nothing wrong with being alone. If you decide that that is the way you
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want to go, you get to choose. Don't let anybody stop you.
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And a lot of women at this age start new businesses. They write a book,
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they reach out to family and friends, and they travel around.
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There's nothing wrong with any of that. And yes, you can still look incredible.
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You can look better now than you did in your 20s or 30s.
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There's nothing exclusive about being 20 versus
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being 50 that says you can't be in the best shape of your life.
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The goal is to build a body capable of carrying you through the next 60,
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70 years. Yes, I said 60 or 70 because we're all going to live
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over 100. At least we hope so. So you might as well work on your
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body now if you haven't done so already. But dedication will become
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your superpower because you can. Here's something I've learned about reinvention.
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Motivation is very overrated because it's wonderful when it
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shows up, but it doesn't always show up. So dedication and discipline does.
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And there will be mornings when you don't want to exercise, but you got to
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go anyway. There's mornings where you don't want to work on your business, but you
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got to do it anyway. And I always say, do the most difficult thing first
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so you get it out of the way so it's not weighing on you the
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whole day. Your strongest decade won't be built by what
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you do when you're motivated. It's gonna be built by what you do when you're
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disciplined and consistent and showing up every day,
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because that's what dedication is. And one advantage of getting older is that
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hopefully we've learned something about our younger selves and
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we, that we didn't used to fully understand is that time is going to pass
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anyway. You might as well use it. To your benefit.
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You can spend the next 3 years thinking about changing your life, or you
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can get started today and spend the next 3 years actually
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changing it. Either way, 3 years from now is going to happen. So you get
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to choose. If you could look back at yourself 3 years from now and say,
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oh my gosh, look at all the accomplishments I made. Why don't you look forward
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and say, what do you want to be in 3 years? What do you want
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to be in 6 months? There's a tremendous amount of freedom that can come with
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midlife. You start realizing how much of your younger life was spent
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asking for permission from people that didn't have power over
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you. You cared more about people that approved of you,
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that something might be too embarrassing or you're judging.
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I think women in our 40s and 50s, we're empowered. We are ourselves.
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And if people don't like it, they can move on. If someone treats you badly,
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leave. You don't need to stick around. And then when you go back to thinking
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about yourself, you know, you get to wear whatever dress you want. You get to
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dress however you want. Take that trip, go back to school, build some
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muscle, start dating again. I mean, there are so many people out there
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to date that you don't need to be single if you don't want to.
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And then reinvent yourself, whatever you want to do. Your life does
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not require approval from anyone because you deserve
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time for you because you've done a lot for others for a very long
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time. Women are unique with this. Yes, men do things for women as
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well, but We are the primary caregivers of our children.
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In general, when we're the primary caregivers, we're giving, giving, giving,
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giving. It's about time you start giving back to yourself.
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And here's the other thing that's truthful. Relationships are going to change when you
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start to know yourself. When you know you are in a relationship, you may accept
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relationships based on potential. If you're uncertain about yourself,
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you may see in the other person their potential and hope
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that they will grow into it and stick around probably for longer than
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you need to. You see what someone could become. You imagine what the relationship
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could be, a future with that person, but you explain away behavior
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just because you're focused on the future instead of the person standing in front
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of you. You allow things, disrespect and disloyalty, to occur for
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no purpose because midlife should teach you to pay attention to reality
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and what is and who they are. Does this person bring you peace or
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chaos? Are their actions consistent with their words? Because so many
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people will say one thing and do something completely different. I must say,
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you need to respond, and when you feel something is off,
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believe it. Even if you can't put your finger on it, it may be telling
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you something is wrong and you may need to do further investigation.
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Do they take responsibility for their actions or are they always blaming someone else or
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something else? I will say people that constantly make excuses and are constantly complaining
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about other people, you have to be a little wary. Knowing yourself means knowing
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what belongs in your life and what does not. You need to eliminate
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things that don't belong there because you have such limited time. A reset can't
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just be about what you've learned. It can't be just about what you're leaving.
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It needs to be a new vision. You need someone or
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something to be moving towards. So this is goal setting as
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well. Think about 5 years from now, not vaguely, but truly picture
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it. Think about 1 year from now. What do you want 1
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year from now? How, how does your body look? Where do you live? What do
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you do every morning? What lifestyle do you want? What do your finances look
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like? And do you have a relationship or are you alone? Some people prefer
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to be single, then they don't have to deal with the stress of their partners.
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And what will you no longer tolerate? Tolerate in your life. If you've been through
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a divorce or are a widow or been through some relationships that
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where you tolerated things that you didn't like, what would you change?
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And then reverse engineer who you are in the future and see
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what steps you need to take to magically get that to happen. Because what will
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happen is if you start making steps to your future self, you might be
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surprised. You might get there before you think. If you're listening to this and thinking,
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oh my gosh, Oh, where do I start? Let's start with the 5 areas.
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The first one to think about is your body. Our body and our minds are
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very strongly tied together, but let's think of our body. What do you need to
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change so that in 5 years you're stronger, you look better,
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and you look the way you want to look? And then move on to your
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mind. What are you still believing about yourself that isn't serving you? Is there something
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like a limiting belief or something that you would change about your mind?
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Is there some education you need to take? What would you change about your mind?
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And then your relationships. Who deserves more of your time and who deserves less?
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If there's someone that's making you uneasy or bringing you chaos
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or just giving you anxiety, maybe that's not the right relationship for
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you. And then your purpose. What do you still want to build, create, and experience
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or contribute to the world? Because we have a lot to contribute in our 50s.
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We're not done yet. And then your environment. Does your current life
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support the person you're trying to become? If it does, choose one measurable action
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you can take in each area. If you choose an action to
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take in each area, not 50, just one, Or every 3 months you do another
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action in each area because transformation isn't usually one massive decision.
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It's usually a bunch of small ones repeated until you look— your
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life completely looks different. Little baby steps, if you will. The woman you're
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becoming is incredibly powerful and you're reaching the point where you know yourself. So stop
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chasing people. Stop trying to convince people to
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be loyal to you or respect you. If they don't, let them go and
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don't shrink yourself to fit into a relationship. You know, when you're
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in a relationship and if you start to minimize yourself, that's probably a sign that
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that relationship is not the best one for you because you can't
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confuse attention with love because a lot of people will give attention and
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not really love you. And that's true. And sometimes love
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isn't even enough. So just because someone's busy, that doesn't mean you're being
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productive. So realize just because you're busy and working hard,
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how productive truly are you? Can you be more productive and more focused?
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Eliminate the social media crap. The social media stuff
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is a very big distraction and it'll take you from your common purpose or your
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purpose that you want to grow into in your life and you'll become much more
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selective where your time goes. We do have less of it now. We're getting closer
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to our expiration date, whatever that date may be. So focus your time
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where it's most valuable because eventually you understand that something
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completely changes how you live is that time is the one thing you cannot earn
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back. Money can be replaced, careers can be rebuilt, but you can't
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get the time back. Relationships can change. They can fall apart, they can get back
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together, but homes and time is the one thing you don't have.
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But you cannot purchase another Tuesday from 15 years ago or
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reset stuff. Once the time is spent, it's gone and you
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can't get it back. It's not depressing, it's empowering because that forces you to ask,
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what deserves the rest of my life? So maybe you're 50,
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55, or 60, and maybe your life looks nothing like
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you thought it would be. That's okay because that means the story's not finished.
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You're allowed to change the plan, restart, Be ambitious,
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get healthier, stronger, and live longer. What you have allowed in your
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life, you don't have to allow anymore. You can want more or want less,
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and you are allowed to build a completely different life than the
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one you imagined when you were younger. So just realize midlife
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isn't about desperately trying to hold onto what you used to be. It's about finally
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having enough experience to intentionally decide who
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you're gonna become. So don't ask yourself whether your best years
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are behind you. Ask a better question. What could I build with
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the next 10 years if I stopped underestimating myself? If I
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let fear go away and I just went for it? Because your
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strongest decade may not be the one already lived. It may be the one you're
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walking into right now. This is your midlife reset, and this time you
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get to build it knowing exactly who you are. This is Diva Mia. Stay strong,
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stay glowing, and have a wonderful life. I'll see you
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next time. Thanks for tuning in.
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