Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / Why The Quiet Moments Matter More As You Age

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Why The Quiet Moments Matter More As You Age · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome to Aging A for Sissies.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you something.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time something small made your entire day?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Not a big old trip, not a huge event, not something you had planned for weeks.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about something simple.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: A good cup of coffee, a quiet morning, a conversation that just felt easy.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what I've been noticing.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: As we get older, it's not the big moments that carry us, it's those small ones.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're talking about why those small moments might actually be the best part of this whole chapter.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, hello, my fabulous friends, and welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where we tell the truth about getting older with humor, honesty, and just enough sass to keep it interesting.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, over the last couple of weeks, we've been building something.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: We started by releasing pressure, then we started about protecting our energy, and last week we got very clear about we about what we are absolutely too old to tolerate anymore.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Get off my lawn.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Which, by the way, I'm still thinking about some of those things and laughing.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: But today, we're shifting gears just a little bit because once you've removed the pressure, once you've protected your energy and you've cleared out all that nonsense, something really beautiful happens.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You start to notice your life again.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So before we go any further, I'm introducing something new today.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: A little segment we're going to do every week, and I'm calling it not doing this anymore.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Every week I'm going to share one thing I have officially retired from.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're listening, I want you thinking about yours too.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because honestly, this might be the most fun part of aging.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start it with the subject.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: This week's not doing this anymore.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not rushing my mornings.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're not doing that anymore.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not waking up immediately entering chaos.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not starting my day already behind.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the time, I don't do that, but I do wake up.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I'm never gonna gulp a cup of coffee again.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a competitive sport.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna ease into the day.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, that means I do ease into my morning.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Mornings feel good.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I like a slow morning.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: But to be honest, my mornings have gotten a little too slow.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because the first activity of my day is the gym.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: My gym class starts at 10:30, and if I do my workout beforehand, I leave the house around 8:30.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I've decided instead of just having my coffee in the morning, I can go over to my computer, I can get some things done.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because what I was doing was putting all those things off until I got home from the gym.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me, when I get home from the gym, I don't want to do a lot of things.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I'm not gonna have too slow of a morning anymore.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have a middle morning, if that makes sense.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It does to me.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So what's the first thing that you are going to do?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: So in the beginning, I talked about small joys.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And why do small joys start to matter more?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: When we were younger, we were chasing the big things, big goals, big milestones, big moments.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you build the life.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: But at some point, you realize something.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: You realize you don't have to live your life in big moments.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You live it in the in-between.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: The everyday and aging has a this way of slowing you down just enough to finally see it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: A quiet cup of coffee, a walk where nobody needs anything from you, a conversation where you're not multitasking, and suddenly those moments don't feel small anymore.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: They feel like everything.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Don't they?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: They really do.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: We were taught something growing up that sounds nice, but isn't entirely true.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things we were taught that aren't entirely true.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: But we were taught that happiness comes from big achievements, the promotion, the house, the milestones.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, those things matter, but they are not where you live.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: They are moments, and then life continues.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: What we weren't taught is that happiness is actually built in very ordinary ways.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Consistency, comfort, connection, and honestly, aging teaches you that faster than anything.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: It teaches you that happiness is actually built in very ordinary ways.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you stop chasing every big thing and start appreciating what's already here.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: There is nothing better than after working out and the coffee I have with my lady friends, with my lady gang.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: We can talk about anything from traveling to restaurants to roses and birds and bird feeders, and I don't know, but man, it's simple stuff, but it just is the best.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I leave there feeling so good.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about something that used to sound boring: a simple day.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Ten years ago, a simple day may have felt like you weren't doing enough.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a simple day feels like a luxury.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just got off the phone with my friend.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: She's heading to Disney World for a week.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds wonderful.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: But she asked me, What are you doing next week?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, you know, I just got a plain week.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Just a plain week.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it and there's nothing wrong with that.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds great.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Her trip sounds fabulous, but my plain week sounds pretty darn good, too.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: A simple day feels like a luxury.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: If I have a good cup of coffee, something that makes me laugh, and that's important, a little fresh air, which I had walking to and from the gym today, and nobody creating chaos.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: My kids are fine.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Craig is fine.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great day.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the funny part: it doesn't take much, which is exactly why it feels so good.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's accessible, it's repeatable, and it's real.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: The day I had today has been fabulous.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, during the middle of this podcast, my phone rang.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: It was my friend Diana.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I grabbed it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because nothing is better than a conversation with Diana.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Diana used to be my supervisor.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Diana is now my friend.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And she was worried that she was interrupting the podcast.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Heck no.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'd I can come back to this podcast, which I did.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do a little magic editing, and you may not even have noticed the point when the phone rang.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it makes me happy.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And being happy is my biggest priority right now in life.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Small joys just aren't things, they're people.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just talked about.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: At this stage of life, you start noticing who feels easy, who can sit with and not feel drained, who you don't have to perform for.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that for me is key.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: There were people in my life that I felt I had to perform for.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have them in my life anymore.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have the people who just get me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And those people, they become everything.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: You stop needing a big group.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I do have a big group, but they're a big group of wonderful women.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm blessed to have.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: But you may not need that big group if they're not serving your needs.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: These ladies serve my needs.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: You stop needing constant activity.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You start valuing connection over quantity.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a huge shift.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge shift, my friends.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where the this ties back to the whole arc that I've talked about.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Once you realize how valuable these small joys are, you start protecting them.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: You say no more easily.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Does that sound familiar?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't overbook yourself.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't give your time away so quickly.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you understand something.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: These quiet, simple, joyful moments, they are not extras.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're the whole point.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: They are the whole point, everyone.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is not extra in your life.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: They are the point.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Going to the museum with friends, walking down the street.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Craig and I went to lunch today up on at the top of the 900 building where I go to the gym.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And there was a gal from church, and to wave and say hi.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: It made me happy to see her out and about.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have told you before, living in the city of Chicago, downtown in the heart, I see more of my friends when I'm out and about in a day than I ever did in the suburbs.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes me happy.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is one of my small joys.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: There's one more thing I want to talk about.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's gratitude.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: But not in that forced way.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not the write down ten things you're happy for way.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not just natural gratitude, like I had today seeing my friend Beth, answering my phone call from my friend Diana.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about natural gratitude, the kind that sneaks up on you, where you're sitting somewhere doing nothing special, and you think, this is actually really nice.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: No big speech, no dramatic moment, just a quiet recognition.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that might be one of the best parts of aging.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I want you to think about this week.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: What are your small joys?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not the big plans, not the things you post about, not the things you talk about, the quiet moments, the everyday pieces of your life that feel good.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where your life actually is.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can start noticing those, you're not missing anything.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're finally seeing it.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, around here we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And part of that is choosing to notice the life you already have.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you next week.