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Healing from Family Estrangement · The Road Doc Podcast

0:04
There is something people rarely talk about openly.
0:08
Not everyone has a healthy relationship with their family.
0:14
In fact, for some people, the very place that was supposed to
0:20
feel like home becomes the place that causes the most emotional
0:26
pain. And when someone chooses
0:30
distance from their own family society, immediately people ask
0:36
this question, isn't it? How can you walk away from your
0:39
own family? But what people rarely ask is
0:44
the opposite question. They rarely do.
0:50
The question should be, what must someone go through to reach
0:57
that particular point, right? Family estrangement is far more
1:07
common than people actually think, but because of guilt,
1:13
shame and social pressure, most people suffer through it very
1:19
silently. So in this episode of the Road
1:24
Talk podcast, I want to talk about something deeply human
1:29
healing after family estrangement.
1:39
Not actually from the place of anger, but from the place of
1:45
understanding, reflection and moving forward.
1:50
So let's call this episode Healing from family
1:57
Estrangement. Alright, So hello everyone,
2:05
welcome back to the Road Dog podcast.
2:07
I am Doctor Mukund the road Dog. As you already know, today's
2:11
episode is a little different. It's not about motorcycles,
2:15
travel or productivity or any other things.
2:18
But today we gonna talk something very deeply about
2:23
personal family. Or you can say the stories I
2:27
have heard very, very recently that they had this, they shared
2:31
their personal family estrangement, kind of a
2:36
situation that they are healing from it and so on and so forth.
2:39
Very recently, like literally by the recording of this video, it
2:44
happened like 48 hours before. So it was pretty crazy stories.
2:52
So that is why it was very relevant to this topic.
2:56
So I would like to share their stories as well.
2:59
I also got the consent. So yeah, this is the basically a
3:06
topic of many people experience but very few openly talk about.
3:11
As we know, sometimes people who are supposed to support us,
3:16
guide us, or protect us become the very people we need that
3:20
distance from, actually from them, in order for us to grow or
3:26
survive emotionally. And when that happens, the
3:29
process of healing is not that simple as we all think.
3:35
So that is why I want to talk about this topic, particularly
3:41
family estrangement. What, what does it actually
3:46
means and why it happens? And someone can begin healing
3:52
from it and so on and so forth, right?
3:57
And most importantly, how to move forward without carrying
4:03
any sort of bitterness, resentment, or revenge kind of a
4:07
thing. So let's navigate through it.
4:14
So what is family estrangement? In the 1st place, Family
4:21
estrangement simply means creating emotional or physical
4:26
distance from your own family members because the relationship
4:30
has become very harmful or either unhealthy or impossible
4:34
to maintain at some point in your life.
4:37
Sometimes the distance might happen very slowly, sometimes it
4:42
happens suddenly after years of conflict, and sometimes it
4:47
happens when a person finally realizes that this relationship
4:52
is not supportive but controlling, manipulative or
4:56
emotionally training kind of a thing.
5:00
So on and so forth. Estrangement usually doesn't
5:07
always mean hatred kind of a thing, to be honest.
5:11
But yeah, in sometimes we can simply say it like choosing
5:19
peace over constant conflict. Let us just say that for our own
5:24
peace. So why estrangement happens,
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right? There are many reasons people
5:35
become estranged from their own families.
5:40
It could be due to emotional athletic, it could be control,
5:45
it could be manipulation, and then what could be.
5:52
It could also be a financial difficulty that our conflict
5:56
that reveals what kind of a person their own family members
6:00
are. So sometimes it happens when
6:05
someone chose a life path that their own family does not
6:09
approve of, you know, and instead of supporting that
6:13
persons independence, the relationship becomes about
6:17
control rather than care. And that is the reason why.
6:27
And that's the one of the hardest parts about estrangement
6:33
in general is that society or people in general, they don't
6:38
understand it in a deeper sense. So they just go into superficial
6:43
ones. Like I said, I have few stories
6:48
to share as well that I had heard from a recent person I
6:53
met. So I will also share about that
6:56
in a while accordingly. Wait for the story.
6:59
It is going to be crazy. Let us move on to the next part.
7:05
The social pressure. Yeah, society has been very kind
7:10
of a very strong narrative that a family is everything.
7:15
And while that is actually true for many people, but it's not
7:22
universally true for everyone. So let's just understand that
7:28
fact because not everyone is blessed with great families.
7:35
So you need to understand that some families are loving and
7:41
supportive and but some families are also the whole reason for
7:45
the deep emotional pain. And when someone chooses
7:49
distance, most people often judge them without understanding
7:55
the full story. So healing from estrangement
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basically means learning to let go of that external judgment and
8:10
focus on your own mental health. Now it time for the story.
8:16
Recently I went to get a new SIM card for my mobile because my
8:25
primary number was flooded with unknown calls altogether from
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very recent time, from almost like 30 to 60 days of given
8:37
time, unknown calls, spam calls and so on and so forth.
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So I went to get a new SIM right there.
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There is the coming part. So I went there and I got on my
8:51
new SIM and the person who is helping me out for getting that
9:01
came to know my full name and that I am a doctor and so on and
9:07
so forth. Now usually we had a
9:12
conversation like started like general suggestions they want
9:19
that they have some issue and so on and so forth.
9:22
So I just gave simple suggestion saying XYZ and you need to get
9:28
some advice from a specialist or some kind of something like
9:33
that. And then that person started to
9:38
share some details like history of it.
9:43
And then the funny part was this, that person is actually
9:48
good. They are going through ups and
9:50
downs of life and so on and so forth.
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The problem is with their own family members that they have
9:57
prefixed notion of certain thing and lack of understanding.
10:03
That's creating a lot of friction that the person has
10:08
decided to completely keep their own family members aside and
10:20
move away from their own family members because their own family
10:26
members are creating a mental trauma knowingly or unknowingly
10:31
and affecting that person's mental health in general.
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So there was a quite long, interesting story where every
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story revealed that. I don't want to go into deeper
10:45
details of the story, but yeah, because there are synopsis of
10:53
stories, very simple, whatever this person says that family
10:57
members ignores that, that is the simple synopsis of
11:01
everything. Because there are some sensitive
11:03
information that they shared. They are fine with it on camera
11:08
to tell it, but it is fine. I am not gonna reveal the whole
11:14
story, but I will give you a little synopsis, synopsis of it.
11:19
So for example, I will give a brief example.
11:24
This person got a headache. Let us just say hypothetical and
11:29
then inform the family why I am getting frequent headaches.
11:33
Let's go to a doctor and get it done and they go to a doctor and
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unfortunately they might have encountered not so great
11:50
hospitals or not so satisfactory kind of a thing.
11:56
And then this family members will be like, you don't have any
12:05
more headache, doctor, we have medicine.
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You don't have any problems anymore.
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And they push the notion no matter what, you're just acting.
12:17
You're just pretending. You're just saying a lie.
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Doctor said or XYZ said you're all good now, you are all good,
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so on and so forth. I mean, the story is going like
12:31
that because sometimes it is not about the doctor or it is not
12:37
about the. Sometimes the diagnosis might
12:40
not be accurate. So the problem might still
12:44
exist. But I just gave one example.
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You can correlate with whatever example you want because I gave
12:52
the safest example possible on a hypothetical scenario.
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But yeah, so you just incorporate that with anything
13:06
that this person says, this family gonna ignore it.
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So that's creating emotional kind of pain to this person on a
13:17
every single day basis. So everything, every decision
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they have and everything they have, every conversation leading
13:27
into a conflict every single time.
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For example, do you want a glass of water?
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And even with that question, that is leading into some sort
13:37
of conflict in one way or another.
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So basically this is the loop that the family developed
13:46
towards the person over the period of time.
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And So what this person decided was to go silent and justice,
13:56
leave the house and move away from it for their own mental
14:01
peace. So now you understand how crazy
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sometimes family can be. So family can be both blessing
14:14
and also the most painful thing as well.
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It all depends. So yeah, next let's just move on
14:27
to the emotional faces. Healing from family and
14:31
statement usually goes through like several emotional faces.
14:37
First there will be a shock or realization.
14:40
When you understand that relationship relationship cannot
14:43
continue in the same way, then comes anger or frustration
14:48
because you realize the damage has been done.
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After that often comes grief, grieving the idea of the family
14:58
relationship you hoped you to have, and finally, overtime
15:03
comes acceptance and peace. By the way, the peace doesn't
15:15
actually means the past disappears.
15:20
It simply means the past no longer controls your future.
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That's all it means. Understand that.
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And then this is the thing rebuilding yourself.
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One of the most important parts of healing from the family
15:47
estrangement is rebuilding your own identity outside of the
15:52
family system. Many people grew up believing
15:56
their oath is defined by families approval, but when
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estrangement happens, you are forced to discover who you
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really are independent of that approval.
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And that process can be painful, but it can also be incredibly
16:18
empowering on the other way as well.
16:22
You just need to understand the pain is gonna be there as a part
16:28
of the growth process. And then slowly you will begin
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to rebuild your life based on your values, goals, and your
16:43
vision for the future. These three things I am going to
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repeat that again. You will begin to rebuild your
16:53
life based on your values, your goals, your vision for the
17:01
future. And what I suggest finally is
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choosing peace is much, much better than choosing revenge.
17:24
Yeah, I think choosing peace instead of revenge is the most
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best thing that you do it for yourself actually.
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So that's the another important part of the healing is we need
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to let go of the desire for validation or revenge in
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general. Sometimes, you know, people want
17:57
to the family eventually realize their mistakes that most people
18:05
expect this, but that realization may never come ever.
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And you will be still waiting for that day, which might not so
18:19
great thing to start with in general.
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So I understand that and that waiting time can keep you
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emotionally hooked or stuck for a very, very, very long periods
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of time as well. So I suggest the real healing
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begins when you focus on building your own life rather
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than proving something to others thinking that's the most best or
18:54
optimal thing to do according to me.
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And also, let's move on to this thing called creating your own
19:11
support. Yeah, it might sounds some kind
19:18
of difficult task for sure, creating your own support
19:24
system, right? Because if family doesn't always
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have to mean biological relatives, isn't it?
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Sometimes family becomes a people who genuinely support
19:37
your growth from that can be from friends, mentors, partners
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or communities that value who you are actually becoming.
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So building that new support system is much much better thing
20:00
for your own journey. So I definitely suggest if there
20:06
is a possibility for you. To find a good kind of people in
20:13
your life, then great, but if that doesn't happen, then you
20:20
should become your own support system.
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That's going to be a very important step in this kind of a
20:31
journey. Otherwise, you will just start
20:36
overthinking everything and then that can put you in a lot of
20:43
mental stress again. So if someone is watching this
20:54
episode or listening this episode from your favorite
20:56
platforms, this is going through whoever going through family
21:03
estrangement kind of a situation.
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I want to say one thing very clearly that healing is
21:09
possible, but it definitely takes a lot of time.
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You need to do a lot of reflection and sometimes you
21:18
gotta distance yourself from them as well.
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But overtime, yes, it is definitely possible to build
21:26
your own life that is peaceful, independent and meaningful.
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Your past may shape you, but it does not have to define your
21:36
future, right? So take your time and all the
21:44
very best with your life. So thank you so much, all of
21:52
you, for tuning in for today's episode.
21:54
And that's my take on this topic in general.
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So if you have any person going through this kind of stuff,
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kindly comment down below. I would like to hear your kind
22:09
of stories as well and how you deal, how you are dealing with
22:13
it and also how you, if you already dealt with it, how you
22:17
dealt with it, how is it going and so on and so forth.
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So I would also like to hear your own stories and how did you
22:27
overcome this kind of a situation and so on and so
22:32
forth. So on then.
22:36
Yeah. So I would like to hear from you
22:39
too, because if you had any other different kind of
22:45
solution, I would also hear from you so that we can help people
22:51
around to navigate through their lives as well.
22:54
So yeah. And then yeah, remember,
22:58
sometimes the road to healing is not about always going back.
23:04
So maybe it's all about moving forward even without your own
23:13
family. Anyways, thank you so much by
23:19
the way. Thank you so much everyone
23:22
because currently we have crossed 30 plus countries of
23:26
Shelley and and all the platforms and we are getting a
23:32
lot of good response. And I would like to thank you
23:37
all from wherever you are listening or watching these
23:45
episodes. I hope my insights are helpful
23:48
in one way or another. So thank you.
23:52
Thank you so much and please kindly check out other topics as
23:59
well. And if you have any suggestions,
24:02
just let me know in the comment section.
24:04
I would like to hear from you as well.
24:06
And like always, thank you so much for tuning in for today's
24:11
episode. And take care.
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You will get through the situations.
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Take care. Until then, goodbye.
24:19
I am Doctor Mukunda Rudog, signing off.