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Rachel Feinstein Awkward Hookups and Liberal Moms 🤣🤣🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was in Buffalo recently.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_04: I like to watch a lot of like murder on TV.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know if anybody else does.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_04: I love forensic files.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_04: I can't get enough.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_04: I can't go to bed without watching forensic files and like a wives with knives.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know what that says about me, but I think it's because it makes you feel like an amazing person.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_04: Like if you watch a few forensic files back to back, you'll really think you're running a tight ship in your life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_04: Like I'm just lying there like stuffing pound cake in my face and just like caking watching forensic files.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_04: And I actually had this thought.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I'm a good person.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have the slightest desire to kill a hooker.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_04: It's never occurred to me.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_04: I was an awkward kid, too.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_04: You know, there was this girl in my school, and I just wanted to be her.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_04: She just had everything perfect.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_04: I was a very slovenly child, and her name was Caitlin, and she had this like long, blonde, silky hair, and I wanted hair like hers.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_04: I had this strange, heinous, gnarled fro, and I.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_04: I got this piece of yellow yarn and I just placed it over my head, and I would just go to school like that.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_04: I somehow thought I was fooling everyone into thinking I was a blonde with this one piece of loose string just tangled in my heinous nest hair.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I really wanted her name, so I went to the mall and I had this bracelet made that just said Caitlin, and I would wear it.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_04: It was very unstable.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_04: I would just wear her name and stare at her like I'm Caitlin now.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_04: And Christ loves me very, very much.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_04: She was one of those girls.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_04: She was always all organized and did everything perfectly.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_04: You know, her pencil case was amazing.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_04: I'm still very angry about it.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_04: Her pencil case was incredible.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: It could do anything.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: Little Koreans would jump out and do cartwheels into the air.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_04: I'd borrow a pencil from her and she'd remember a few days later and ask about it.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: She was one of those girls.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_04: Like, she really ran a tight ship.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_04: Like she'd be like, I think on Monday morning in second period, you actually bird.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, it's gone, bitch.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_04: It's gone.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: Alright?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: I had a lot of Jaeger.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_04: I have no idea where it is right now, so I'm gonna ask you to let it go, okay?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_04: I've been going out with my friends drinking to meet guys and stuff.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_04: I'm having a hard time meeting somebody.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_04: I think it's because there are so many princes out there, I don't know which one to choose from.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_04: I went out with this guy recently and he starts narrating our date while we were on it.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_04: It was uh awful.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_04: We're out to dinner and he starts going tonight.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_04: I met a very special girl.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, what the hell is going on?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: And he kept going with it.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like he's like, this special lady, she uh she really made me laugh.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_04: This special lady, she made me think.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was a real tough puzzle.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like I was gonna be like, oh, oh, I'm sick of guessing.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, who is she?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I wanna know who the girl in the riddle is.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_04: It's not fair.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: I want to know the answer right now.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_04: Even my tits are confused.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: And he goes, hey, that special girl I was talking about, that special girl is you.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_04: And he actually believed he was gonna insert himself inside me at some point after that.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_04: And he did, but uh.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_04: That's because I had seven Malibu pineapples.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_04: I try to go out meeting people with my best friend too, but it's really hard because she always gets all the attention.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_04: She has a very large ass, the kind of ass that uh men really need time with, they have questions.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's the kind of ass men lay, they stop, they they they they need help processing it.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_04: We were walking this one time and she passes this guy and just goes, damn, girl, you got that mad butt in your little shape, too.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, she should put that in her wedding vows.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_04: That's so romantic.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_04: It really is.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_04: It's a touching statement.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_04: You've got that mad butt.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: She should.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: It should be like, Do you take this girl with that mad butt to be all up in your bitch?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_04: What's up?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: My mom's always like, she hates that joke.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_04: She's always like, Can you please take that out of your talent show?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's what she calls my stand-up, my talent show.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_04: Take it out of your talent show.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: Out.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_04: My mom's very sassy.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_04: My mom's just very sassy.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_04: She's got one of those crazy, kind of overly spiked mom dudes.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_04: Like her hair just keeps getting more and more aggressive every time I see her.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_04: She looks insane.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_04: She looks a lot like vanilla ice at this point.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: So her hair looks like it was cut by computer.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_04: And she loves turquoise.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_04: She just loves American Indian pieces.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_04: She loves anything turquoise.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_04: She collects them.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: She loves anything, anything American Indian at all.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_04: She loves it.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_04: And she wears a ridiculous amount of these obnoxious, like plaque-sized things.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_04: And then she acts very surprised if anyone compliments one of them.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_04: She does a real modest play.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_04: She goes, Oh, thank you.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I forgot that I had this on today.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_04: That's so.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't that funny?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_04: I totally forgot about that.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: How sweet of you to notice.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: What fun.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: Meanwhile, it's like a Navajo graveyard covering her entire left breast.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: She really wants to be black or ethnic somehow.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's very embarrassing.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_04: Uh her favorite thing to tell people is that she should have been black.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_04: She loves to say this at parties and stuff.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_04: It's just really strange.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's really it's it's really problematic.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_04: She uh She's always going, you know, people always tell me, they go, Karen, you should have been black.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_04: You dance like you're black.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_04: You do! It's true.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, it's true.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_04: I'm a very I'm a very soulful dancer, so people really respond to my dancing.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_04: It's true.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_04: Meanwhile, her dancing is actually so awful it's confusing.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_04: Like I I don't know what the hell is going on when she's dancing.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_04: I know I don't feel safe.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um her dancing is perhaps the most aggressively white thing I've ever seen.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_04: She sort of dances like she's stirring herself.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_04: It's just this very.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_04: And then she starts blasting Gloria Stefan, which is Cuban music.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't even make any sense, but she's just.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_04: And then so she's blasting Gloria Stefan.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_04: My mom wants to be like one of those white women in the movies that saves a black school, that puts on a leather jacket and just saves a black school.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_04: That's her dream, you know?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: Like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds, just marches in there with her sassitude and just fixes everything.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_04: Just talk straight.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_04: Have some fun.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_04: She's always trying to set me up with some kid I used to take baths with when I was like three, two.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_04: She's always like, you and Darren Biedermeyer should get together.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_04: Sure, he hasn't come out of his room in a while, and uh when he did, he was wearing a long black cape.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_04: But uh I just thought he dealt with that schizophrenic diagnosis so well.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_04: It was so manly the way he handled that, wasn't it?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, he loves rhythmic gymnastics, which is a lot like stand-up, so I think you guys would really hit it off.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_04: Her and all her friends are insane.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like my mom has this friend named Sandy Pasternak, and she actually introduces herself to people like this.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_04: She goes, Hi, I'm Sandy Pasternak.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_04: Let the pastor keep nabbing.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: Let's have some fun.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: See, that's not okay.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's and every time I see her at a party or a function or something, she'll give me this kind of like we're both naughty wink from across the room.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_04: Like every time I see her, she kind of like, we both we're on the same page, me and Sandy, you know?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_04: Every time I see her, she always goes.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_04: Like we're gonna steal a car together later.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_04: And my grandmother's at this age now where she's so old she's suspicious.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_04: She's just walking around, like, what the hell is going on?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_04: What is this?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_04: She's furious.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_04: Like, what is it?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_04: My mom's always like, no, grandma's fine.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_04: We get her cable.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_04: She's fine.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_04: Like, really, who cares that she's constantly terrified as long as she has showtime that makes a lot of sense.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: The other thing about like starting a new relationship that's overwhelming is there's so many awkward things that can happen when you first hook up with somebody.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I think that's sometimes just why I stay with the last person.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_04: Just to start over again is so overwhelming.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like, first of all, this last guy that I was with, we left a TV on the first time we hooked up, which is a bad idea because something really humiliating can come on, and you'll be in the heavy stages of the hookup, and you can't just stop and address it, you know?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_04: Like we're in the middle of hooking up, and this infomercial about some sort of a penis-enhancing drug came on.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_04: It was so horrifying, and it just kept going on and on because it was an infomercial.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_04: It was just preying on every man's worst fears.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_04: It was just like these hot, greased Russian whores talking about how they could not find a large enough to satisfy them and how they'd search the lands.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_04: It's just these like hot greased skanks out at the discotheque.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I'm sort of led that, but then it man with a very massive, massive penis, okay?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_04: With telling the men's we don't care about size and rah-rah rah, but I mean it's complete bullshit.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_04: Am I right, Ladies?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't leave breadline in my country to come over here for some sort of a mediocre pencil f I'm sorry, Ladies! Natasha, remember when you meet your husband on the internet after he purchased you for 27 Louis with an original handbag?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_04: And you come over here and I'm sorry, medium, medium penis, not so big, get out of town, am I right, ladies, huh?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_04: When I meet uh my boyfriend after I am trolling for men with American Express black card in VIP Net Club section, and I see that he does not have horse f ⁇ ing snaking down his leg.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_04: I'm pretty pissed off, eh?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_04: I went out with this guy recently.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_04: He wasn't a douche, but he was a tool.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like there's an important difference.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_04: I think I think a douche is way worse than a tool.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_04: Like a a douche is like some guy named Chad, and his parents have a lake house, and and he likes to f girls there side by side next to his best friend Tucker and they high-five while they're finging him, you know, like but I feel like a tool is not as bad as a douche.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_04: Like if you could read a transcript of a douche's thoughts, you'd be furious by the time it was over, you know?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_04: But a tool's thoughts would just be more mild and oblivious.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_04: Like a tool would just kind of be like, game seven.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: I like to wear socks and flip-flops and I wear my shorts all year round because I'm an individual.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: Where are my sunglasses?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, they're on the back of my neck.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_04: I'm a very lazy person.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know if any of you guys are lazy.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: I uh thank you.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_04: I wake up at around I I am, I wake up at around 12 or 1 and I still feel as if I can't quite hurl myself immediately into the day.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_04: So I try to do something slow that establishes confidence, like I'll watch the fabulous life of 50 Cent, you know.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_04: The other day I was laying around the house and I found one of my roommate's pornos.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_04: I uh it was really weird.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_04: It was actually called Deep Inside Rachel's Rear.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: And um That's right.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: It was uh it's very confusing for me, not uh not just because my name's Rachel, but uh there's almost something a little too enchanting about that title.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like it's uh it sounds like the beginning of an old Welsh children's novel.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like deep inside Rachel's rear.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: In a land far away where there are plenty of looks and craddies to hide in.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: And wonderment around every corner.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, the thing with me and porno is I don't get offended by porn, I just have a hard time getting lost in it the way I can in some other feature films.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um because the women always seem very annoyed to me in most pornos.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_04: Like they make the same noises I make when I have to move furniture, you know?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_04: Like, oh god, oh come on and give it to me.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_04: You can put it anywhere.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_04: Go ahead.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's okay if you stain it, it's used.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: Or when they do when they do this thing, they always look back at the guy, like all of a sudden they're having second thoughts.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_04: I find that very confusing.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_04: They always act like they're a little angry, maybe a little resentful at someone screwing them.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_04: Like, oh yeah, huh?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_04: I was a weird kid.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_04: Nobody ever taught me how to be a proper woman.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you guys just looked at me like we've already figured that out.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_04: You don't need to make some sort of a separate announcement about that.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_04: I had this nanny and she would give me a lot of advice, but there was something wrong with her.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_04: I'd just be playing with my dolls on the floor, and she'd be like, only whores wear purple.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, what just happens?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_04: She had a lot of specific rules about whores that she taught me.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_04: They weren't particularly helpful.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um, she'd just be like, only whores carry suitcases.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, really?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's it.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: You just carry a suitcase and you're a godless whore.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_04: She goes, Yes, I'll tell you what they have in those little slut satchels.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_04: They have all kinds of creams and rinses to cover up their whoring.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_04: That's what they have in there.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_04: Little perfumes and lotions, little tinkerbell powders to cover up the rancid things they've done.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: Knee pads and mouthwash.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_04: That's what they have in those slut sacks.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: Good night.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_04: Sleep time.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_04: That's how she tucked me in, you guys.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_04: Lots of whore warnings and then lights out for everyone.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_04: She had the world separated into types of whores.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_04: We'd be just walking down the street on a lovely day, and she'd be like, You see that over there?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_04: She's an Eastern Seaboard whore.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, what could that possibly mean?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_04: She goes, You see that whore?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_04: She probably goes to work with men.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, you know, a lot of them do that now.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_04: She goes, not in my day, only whores worked.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_04: Then she goes, My father heard a rumor that we wanted to work, so he sat us down and set us straight.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_04: I like that she said he heard a rumor that they wanted to work, like it was some sort of a foul thing that was getting around town.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_04: He probably like came back from his day at the plant and lit up a fat cigar, and he was just like, I hear you skirts want to work in buildings with men.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_04: I told you, you don't need to work, you can stay home and make cupcakes and giggle.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: You like giggling, don't you?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_04: She was probably innocent once.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_04: She was probably like, it's true, Papa, we do want to go outside sometimes.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's not just a nasty rumor.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_04: I'm afraid it's true.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_04: Why sometimes we get bored at home?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_04: I told you, holes, if you get bored, you can practice looking at a pretty pattern or doing a twirl.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_04: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we twirl for a lot of hours, Papa.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_04: I want to go out and do something.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_04: Wouldn't that be exciting me, doing something?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: Come on, Papa.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_04: No, Papa, I want to do something more fun.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_04: I can't be a cheerleader forever.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, you can.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_04: You'll be a paper shaker until you're 30, and then you've gone rancid.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_04: We talked about that.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_04: But Papa, I want to do something exciting.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, sometimes I get bored, and you know, I'm sure it'll be hard outside, and if I try to do something big, I know it'll be difficult and my tits will get confused.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'd like to be a pilot.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_04: Imagine that.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_04: Me.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, sure to be scary.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: But come on, Papa, let me try it.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_04: Are you crazy?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_04: What's next?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_04: You start wearing wristwatches and having opinions.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_04: Well, then maybe I could be a stewardess.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_04: Come on, Papa, imagine that.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_04: Me, a waitress on a plane.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: And again, sure, my chest would get confused sometimes, but I'd like to try it.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_04: Come on, let me try.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_04: That sounds like an opinion to me.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_04: Why don't we take it down to the old lobotomy factory and take a nice sweet chunk out of your brain?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: The talking bad part.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_04: No, I don't want to go to the lobotomy factory.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_04: Ever since Mildred came back, she's useless.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_04: Now all she does is flap around and spit in the corner.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_04: Stay with me, guys.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_04: I know this is getting weird.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um, Papa, please, let me be a waitress on a plane at least.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_04: I know I'm just a woman, but I want to try.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_04: You can't be a waitress on a plane.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_04: Only whores carry suitcases.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: That was it, you guys.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_04: The end of their hopes and dreams.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_04: Her parents would always play those old films from the 40s, and it seemed so interesting to me when I was a girl, because I was like, it seems so easy to be a woman when you watch those films.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_04: The women in those old films never had to do anything.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_04: They were just these wild morons.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_04: They were always lost in the woods doing a lot of crawling, it seemed like.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like they were so dumb, they sort of scared themselves.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_04: And the men would have to go find them.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_04: Like they were some kind of like a pet that got away.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_04: They'd be like, don't you run off like that?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_04: You know that brain's not made for thinking.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_04: They'd be like, oh, Johnny, well, it was real scary like out there.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_04: I try to do all sorts of things on my own, Johnny, like have opinions, real opinions.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_04: And you weren't there to beat me with the opinions tick, Johnny.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's scary out here.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to go home and make cupcakes and giggle.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_04: I love giggling, Johnny.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm scary out here.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_04: I'm very scared.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, Johnny, never leave that screen open again.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_04: That's how she gets out.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: She gets out through the screen.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_04: The same thing could happen to your women tonight.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_04: You have to be very careful.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_04: You need to fasten that screen, or they're gonna escape and form opinions.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_04: If you don't fasten the screen, they will escape, and you'll have to find them and thrash them with the opinion stamp.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: I also like that at that time men would always order for women in restaurants.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_04: They actually believed that the women were probably too dumb to know what their own stomachs wanted.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_04: There's probably a broad that got a little cocky, a little out of line.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_04: She tried to order for herself one night, like, I think I'll have the pot roast.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: And some guys like, God damn it, Sally shit! What the f just happened?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: You've humiliated me now! From the waiter and God knows who else heard, Sally.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Come to think of it, how have you even gotten outside?
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: You definitely should not be sitting in front of me right now.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Ordering for yourself is an opinion, and you'll be thrashed severely for this shit, Sally.