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Transcript

How Do You Answer “How Are You Doing”? (Encore) · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our full potential.
• 0:18
  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:32
  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think at the at the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
• 1:02
  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, here's the topic today. How do people respond? When they're asked? How are you doing? Now? How when somebody says to you, Kelly, how are you doing? How do you respond to that tip,
• 1:20
  Kelly Hatfield: I either I either say fantastic. Or I say outstanding, or it's something along those lines. i Oh, that's always my like, go to response.
• 1:31
  John Mitchell: And why do you do it that way? Is there any thought to it really,
• 1:35
  Kelly Hatfield: there is? Because I think that for a couple of different there's a few different thoughts. But this really is an exchange of energy. Yeah. And it is aligned with when I think about my words, for how I'm going to show up. And one of those words is inspiring. You don't inspire people by when they ask you how you're doing. You're like fine.
• 1:59
  John Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah. Right.
• 2:01
  Kelly Hatfield: You know what I mean? So those two things aren't in alignment with one another. So immediately, I'm going to be outstanding or fantastic. Because one of my intentions is to inspire people. The other thing is for me, like, I need that kind of positive energy and to speak that out into the world. And so, yeah, that's that's why that's my response. It's kind of to twofold.
• 2:29
  John Mitchell: Right? Well, you know, I think you hit on what I was thinking about that. It, you know, you're influencing the other person, but you're also at the same time influencing you. And, you know, when I, when I swipe asked me, I'm either, hey, I'm living the dream, or I'm, hey, life is good. Or maybe it's excellent. But I'm like, just like you that very positive thing. And as we probably talked about in the prior episode, you know, what you say out loud as 10 times the effect of what you think. So when you say I'm excellent. You know, that has 1010 times the impact of you just thinking that you're excellent. You know,
• 3:17
  Kelly Hatfield: well, it's really interesting. John, I, there is a influencer that I follow in His name is Chad, right. And he's a seal. He's a former Navy SEAL. Special teams not
• 3:31
  John Mitchell: actually a seal. Nope. He's a human.
• 3:35
  Kelly Hatfield: He's a human. Okay. And he's on the elite, you know, he was in the elite seal. And I can't remember which, you know, I'm not sure what they call them, but which group you belong to. But he was a Navy Seal and the elite Elite. And now that he is retired, he runs the ultra marathons, you know, the ones that go on for 100 miles and several days. And you've I mean, it's hard core stuff that he and he talked about this very topic, and it wasn't necessarily and he, he frames it for when people ask you how you respond, and his response is always I feel outstanding, but also while he is on that run, and on mile 52. He's saying to himself, I feel outstanding, I feel out because he knows through his experience that you know, when you are in SEAL training, you know, and where most of the people wash out, is from mindset, when they're saying to themselves, Oh, it's so cold. This is so hard. I feel awful. This is like, you know, that self talk, whether it's verbalized, or whether it's internally, what's going on with your head will determine what your results are. So when he's on those runs, and he's like, I feel outstanding, even though his shins are bloody and raw, you know, he fell on mile 48 in his, you know, road rash all over on the right is a saying I feel outstanding. And it's how he finishes the racist. He said the minute that your mind you switch your mind to say, Oh, this is terrible. This is your you've just lost. Right? You know and I've and so I take that and and you know to exactly what it is we're talking about. It's the same thing words matter what you say to yourself matters what you vocalize matters. And it's it's that exchange of energy. So anyway, wanted to share that story, because it's that when we brought this topic up today, that's the first thing that popped into my head was what Chad says,
• 5:40
  John Mitchell: right? You know, I a few years ago, many years ago, I got to know Jimmie Johnson, the football coach for the Cowboys. And he had this great line, he says let the mind control the body rather than the body control the mind, which is exactly what you're talking about. And the you know, the other thing, I think that's interesting about this, how you respond to how are you doing? The vast majority 98% of people are just reacting with fine. I mean, I bet I mean, literally the word fine. Is said 98% of the time, but observe with people, and I say this to the audience observe to people that you meet how they respond to it, do they really respond to your question? Or is are they giving you a reflex? Answer? And, and I know, as our audience starts to think about this, and the thing I would suggest that they do is figure out a basically no, no longer than a three word phrase in terms of, you know how you're doing, you know, aka like you do it. You can say excellent, or like I do live in the dream, or you know, life is good, you know, whatever it is, but be intentional about it. And what will happen is first few times you do it, you'll screw it up, you'll you'll say I'm fine. And then you go Oh, damn. But it's such a it's such a powerful thing. And and really like you say you said it really well. This is an exchange of energy. And and you're trying to influence not only not only that other person with your exchange of energy, energy, but you're influencing yourself with your own exchange of energy.
• 7:39
  Kelly Hatfield: And percent. Oh, sorry. Good, no good.
• 7:43
  John Mitchell: Well, the only other thing I was gonna say is, you know, I had a, I did a zoom call with three people that are doing, think it be it and it was interesting, because she had one of them comes on I go, Well, how are you doing? He goes, Oh, I'm doing great. I'm so looking forward to this, you know, all feel good. And then another one comes on and, and basically says the same thing says, Boy, you know, I I'm having a great day. And I've been looking forward to this. And then the third one goes fine. You know, just it's so simple. And but with the tone that she she gave it, you're like, Whoa, there's a whole lot there in that. And that's fine. I just found that that interesting. What were you gonna say? I'm gonna go?
• 8:33
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I was gonna say two things. So think about that, like, so. I'm going to think about it in terms of interviewing. You know, so when you're looking at candidates, when you're looking to add people to your team, you know, those are some of the things that you want to be looking for, you know, if they say that, like one of my rules is I only hire happy people. Yeah, yeah, I want I want up positive energy. Again, it's an exchange of energy, I can train anything. But But I can't train positivity and an optimistic outlook and I you know, that I can figure it out kind of attitude. And so I've looked for how somebody answers that question. And, you know, because it all kind of, you know, builds on it. But what I was gonna say to you was about, oh, shoot, I lost my train of thought. Dang, you know,
• 9:30
  John Mitchell: maybe I'll come to you. But guess what you said that. That's interesting. I watched Darren Hardy last week, and he's talking about going to I think it was a Marriott Hotel. And he was going to talk with the CEO the next day and so he he is so impressed by the how people are so on being friendly and nice and everything. And he goes to the CEO the next day and he goes, Man had a you train these people Well to consistently be so nice. And he last the CEO last ago, what do you mean train him, we hire him to be happy there, we only hire happy people, we only hire friendly people. And I think you've you, you get that? And you know now that that just as an aside, I'm a big believer in hiring people with energy. Because I saw in my past, I would sometimes hire people that were good at what they did, but they had no energy. And like, I suspect that's one of your key. Oh, yeah, Barbara is right.
• 10:38
  Kelly Hatfield: And it's all that, to me, it's all goes hand in hand. Like you can see somebody's energy when they say I'm great, thanks. Yeah, that I'm already starting to sense, you know, kind of where their energy is, where their attitude is, and where their energy is, you know, because into it's what's behind because you can say, I'm great. You know, or you can say, I'm great, thanks. You know, right there, you're saying the same thing. But you're saying it in a different way. And it expresses a different level of energy than the other? You know, so you're looking for those little nuances during that process, because it's really critical. But I remembered what I was going to say, John, I had a question for you. There are people who are listening. And I know because I get pushback on this is, what if I don't feel fantastic? Or outstanding? Or that kind of live in the dream? So I I'm not authentic? And don't answer that, you know, like, so what do you say to somebody who may be thinking that like, My life isn't great. It's not outstanding, I'm not living the dream? How should I answer that question? If none of those things apply to me,
• 11:44
  John Mitchell: I tell them, it is great, you're alive. Right? You're healthy, right? You know, I, you know, I tell you, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. You know, life is a state of mind. And, and sure, there's going to be, you know, days where you're not the top of your game, but that's not going to stop me from answering, I'm living the dream, because I'm freaking live in the dream every day. And, you know, our audience is, is, let's say they choose to say, excellent. Well, they are excellent overall. And if if it's not excellent, go fix it. You know, go, you know, that doesn't mean that, that you're a year from now gonna be living in a, you know, multimillion dollar house. But but, you know, figure out intellectually, what you got to do to make your life. Excellent. And start on that path to making it excellent. And when people ask you how you're doing, you go, excellent. Yeah, pretty
• 12:43
  Kelly Hatfield: simple. Pretty simple. And I think two other things to just add to that really quick, are, we talked about perspective, and our last episode, that a lot, yes, with. The other piece, is also gratitude. You know, just sitting down and thinking about all of the things the fact that you've got a roof over your head, the fact that you've got food in your refrigerator, the fact that you like, we begin to think about like you have all of if you do have all of your your senses, the ability to walk, like so, like start thinking about all of the things that we take for granted, to be grateful for those things, and then things that the next level of gratitude, but, and then you'll begin to go Oh, yeah, things are pretty excellent, you know, or, um, so there are a couple of things where you can shift your your mindset into that mode. But I know there are those people who are like, well, if I don't feel that way, I'm not going to say that. And I love Your responses will like figure out a way to feel that way.
• 13:40
  John Mitchell: Yeah, right. Yeah. No, I'm glad you mentioned that perspective thing. And, you know, it's interesting, I went, I guess it's Saturday, and we I go, and I have margaritas with my couple of my old neighbors. And it's interesting. They have gotten a divorce they were the first people I met when I came to Austin and we were best friends and they lived two doors down for like six years and every night it was a happy hour you know, we were just and and but they had a horrible marriage so that last year they get a divorce and so but I'm still friends with both of them. So I go in and have margaritas with both of them. And there's this girl that now has become Dylan's really good friend and and you know she's very attractive girl and of course I'm always trying to get people to find their their perfect relationship and if they're in in a relationship make it better if they're not in one, go find one. So that's, you know, because I see how impactful being married to the ginger has been for me, and I want everybody to have that but anyways, I'm talking to her. And and I think this is true with a lot of people. She's she's talking about how this happened in the past and that's not good. Good. And he focused on on how she was hurt in a prior relationship. And I'm like, I didn't say this, but I'm like, stop it. You know, if if you had a bad relationship or something happened in the past, yeah, I spent about 20 minutes and think about it and resolve it. But I wouldn't spend, you know, two years in therapy, I'd spent about 20 minutes in therapy, and, and resolve it to the best of your ability, and then let go of it Gee, so you think you're gonna change the past?
• 15:35
  Kelly Hatfield: One? No, doesn't work that way. I love the analogy of the car. And looking at, you know, when you're driving your vehicle, if you're just looking in the rearview mirror, how much progress do you think you're gonna make, you're gonna crash pretty quick, you know, all the action is happening out in the wide lens that you've got in the windshield that you're looking through forward. But you do need to keep checking your back mirror real quick, you know, to keep it to take, you know, to learn to grow back kind of thing, but moving forward, looking through the windshield forward versus always looking in your rearview mirror and backwards, you know, right. So, anyway? Well, I
• 16:14
  John Mitchell: think I think the summary to this is that life is a state of mind and how you answer that question that you're probably asked every day, how are you doing? Think about how you ideally want to answer that and condition yourself to answer it the way you want to. And you know, one other thing, I have two quick things. You know, at the intro of our podcast, it talks about when we were when we learned that one thing, our lives for transformed forever. every once awhile, I like to articulate what that one thing is. And what it is, is we learned that 95% of our daily actions are unconscious 95% of our daily actions are unconscious. And and once we learn that, and learn how to influence those 95% unconscious daily actions, then our lives were transformed, because we started playing the game of life at 100% instead of 10, to 20%. And so, so just to put that out there for everybody to every once awhile to understand what we're talking about when that when that comes on. But the other thing I was gonna say is, you know, a couple of episodes ago, I implored our audience to reach out and send us an email just just to let us know that you're there. And surprisingly, I had, you know, I had a response and so And like I told you, our podcast person that helps us with this says that we got a lot of people listening way more than I thought. And, and but I see that we live in such a shallow thinking, existence today because of this flip through culture that people just they don't connect they if they're maybe listening to podcasts, they don't want to connect. And but I you know, I think it's I think it's cool even I am God knows we're not trying to sell anybody, anything we really aren't. So but I there's there's something to it that if you're listening to this, really send Kelly or me an email at John at think via.com or Kelly at think via.com And just say hi. And because it reinforces what we're doing, we'd like to get it and we'll probably ask you what you you do and again, not to sell you and not to take you down some funnel, you know, just know funnel, we funnel. This is a no funnel zone. But I encourage you to do that. So until next time, we'll say
• 19:00
  Kelly Hatfield: thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life