Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Glory Days, Guac Stays

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The Fifth Hour: Glory Days, Guac Stays · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Cutbooms.
0:02
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
0:09
Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
0:12
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
0:15
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
0:19
Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
0:23
Speaker 2: with Ben Mahler starts right now.
0:28
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
0:34
Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas.
0:41
Speaker 1: As you know because you were a regular listener to
0:44
Speaker 1: the Overnight show, we are in Las Vegas at a
0:48
Speaker 1: secret location, deep in the heart of Sin City, doing
0:53
Speaker 1: this podcast. We did the radio show from Vegas. I've
0:56
Speaker 1: not done the show out of Vegas in a while.
0:59
Speaker 1: It was cool, it's fun. There's a vibe here, there's
1:02
Speaker 1: a different energy in Vegas. Had a good time with
1:04
Speaker 1: that and kind of neat. Now. Today is Friday, the
1:08
Speaker 1: twenty second day of August. Tomorrow is the Malor Meet
1:14
Speaker 1: and Greet here in Vegas. Fired up. Hopefully you can
1:18
Speaker 1: make it. If you're here in Vegas, you live here.
1:21
Speaker 1: If you're local. You better be here, and if not,
1:25
Speaker 1: if you're coming into town, well thank you for that.
1:28
Speaker 1: It's the Stakeout Bar and Grill. We'll be upstairs. There's
1:31
Speaker 1: a downstairs and upstairs right near NLV forty eight hundred
1:36
Speaker 1: South Maryland Parkway. All the information is on the social
1:39
Speaker 1: media channels there. Slug the Hostess with the Mostess is
1:44
Speaker 1: putting this thing together tomorrow and we're excited about that.
1:47
Speaker 1: There'll be a special menu, we'll have a few surprises
1:51
Speaker 1: along the way you get to schmooze. I'll be there,
1:54
Speaker 1: Loreina will be there, Cooper Loop will be there. Hopefully
1:59
Speaker 1: you'll be there as well. A good time. We don't
2:01
Speaker 1: do these things that often, but when we do, there's
2:04
Speaker 1: always really good stories, always really good stories that pop
2:08
Speaker 1: up from these Mallard meet and greets. Now today is
2:12
Speaker 1: National Tooth Fairy Day this Friday, and I'm not gonna
2:17
Speaker 1: spend too much time on this because we're a sporty podcast,
2:20
Speaker 1: unless we're not. I did learn something that I'm sure
2:26
Speaker 1: Alf the Alien, o Pinter and Ferg Dog were well
2:29
Speaker 1: aware of, but I was not. I assume the position
2:33
Speaker 1: that the tooth fairy goes back hundreds of years that
2:37
Speaker 1: this is one of those things that goes way way, way,
2:42
Speaker 1: way way back. But now, according to my research, the
2:49
Speaker 1: little creature that would pop up and give you a
2:53
Speaker 1: little money, I know. The American Dental Association helps out
2:58
Speaker 1: on that. They're big fans of the tooth so that
3:00
Speaker 1: little tooth fairy creature, the Toothair a fictional character. Obviously,
3:06
Speaker 1: they trace it back to the nineteen twenty so it's
3:08
Speaker 1: a little over one hundred years ago, which seems like
3:10
Speaker 1: a long time but in the big picture, not that
3:14
Speaker 1: not that long a time ago. And the person who
3:18
Speaker 1: is credited with the mother of the tooth Fairy is
3:23
Speaker 1: a woman named Eser Watkins Arnold, three names, which means
3:29
Speaker 1: she might have been a serial killer. I'm kidding, unless
3:32
Speaker 1: I'm not, but anyway, ether Esther Watkins Arnold wrote an
3:36
Speaker 1: eight page playlet for children in nineteen twenty seven, so
3:42
Speaker 1: a little less than a hundred years ago. The three
3:44
Speaker 1: act playlet first introduced the tooth Fairy to parents. And yeah,
3:51
Speaker 1: there have been fairies around for thousands of years. The
3:54
Speaker 1: myth the legends of fairies have been around for a
3:56
Speaker 1: long time. However, this is supposedly the first time that
4:02
Speaker 1: this connection between the fairy and the tooth took place.
4:08
Speaker 1: So there you go. On this podcast though the fifth
4:11
Speaker 1: hour today on this Friday from Vegas, before I get
4:14
Speaker 1: some more sleep, we've got the Glory Days before the
4:18
Speaker 1: Glory Days American Injustice as well, but we'll begin with this.
4:24
Speaker 1: So every so often in my life's work, the business
4:30
Speaker 1: that I have chosen, the universe taps you on the
4:33
Speaker 1: show there and says, hey, kid, I know you're not
4:36
Speaker 1: a kid, but just pretend you're a kid. Hey kid,
4:38
Speaker 1: remember where you came from. So I got that tap
4:42
Speaker 1: not long ago. The gods of radio called me back,
4:47
Speaker 1: and know not literally, not literally, nobody's picking up the
4:53
Speaker 1: bat phone in twenty twenty five saying hey, get down here, kid.
4:57
Speaker 1: We've got an opening because the Farm Report and the
5:00
Speaker 1: oh bits right between that we need somebody to fill
5:03
Speaker 1: some time. But metaphorically, if I could say the word,
5:08
Speaker 1: that would help. Metaphorically, So Dave Smith texts me, and
5:12
Speaker 1: you might not know who that is, which on paper,
5:14
Speaker 1: the name Dave Smith could mean you know anyone. Right,
5:19
Speaker 1: there's probably eleven million Dave Smith in the continentally United States.
5:24
Speaker 1: In fact, you have probably sat next to three people
5:27
Speaker 1: named Dave Smith and an Applebee's on a Thursday night.
5:31
Speaker 1: Another couple that a Chick fil a like on a Saturday.
5:37
Speaker 1: But this Dave Smith was in the radio game. Either
5:42
Speaker 1: that or he was in the Witness Protection program. I
5:45
Speaker 1: think radio, but who knows. Now, if you were in
5:49
Speaker 1: Los Angeles in the late nineties and the early two thousands,
5:52
Speaker 1: you knew the Bennon Dave Show. The Ben and Dave Show.
5:59
Speaker 1: We had our own little song was broadcast on the
6:03
Speaker 1: blowtorch AM eleven fifty, which is now a political talk
6:08
Speaker 1: radio station, but back then it was kiss AM, which
6:12
Speaker 1: would later become KXTA that likely means nothing to you.
6:18
Speaker 1: This is the kind of radio station that ran slogans
6:22
Speaker 1: like we got big balls, that kind of thing. Now,
6:27
Speaker 1: some of you have followed my radio sojourn. This was
6:33
Speaker 1: after I worked as an intern and a radio reporter,
6:36
Speaker 1: started out in San Diego. This was before I would
6:41
Speaker 1: host Dodger Talk on the Dodger Radio Network, and also
6:46
Speaker 1: before my twenty plus year run here at Fox Sports Radio,
6:50
Speaker 1: before podcasting was even a word, there was the Ben
6:56
Speaker 1: and Dave Show. Now we were not big time, however,
7:00
Speaker 1: we smelled the scent of big Time like a Bassett hound.
7:05
Speaker 1: We could smell big Time. We walked past and rubbed
7:09
Speaker 1: shoulders with big Time. We were down the hall from
7:15
Speaker 1: Rick Dy's. Now, if you're not in radio, and you're
7:17
Speaker 1: not of a certain age, you have no idea who
7:19
Speaker 1: Rick D's is. But for those that are of the
7:23
Speaker 1: age and those that know the history of radio, Rick
7:28
Speaker 1: D's was not only a morning DJ. He printed money
7:33
Speaker 1: every morning on Kiss FM one h two point seven
7:38
Speaker 1: Kiss f M, the iconic top forty radio station in
7:44
Speaker 1: Los Angeles. And there was Rick Dy's, the morning man,
7:48
Speaker 1: right there, booming into those microphones. Now these had the name,
7:54
Speaker 1: these had the cachet. He also had gold records on
7:58
Speaker 1: the wall. Mister Discouck someone that I was well aware
8:02
Speaker 1: of growing up in southern California, and he was a
8:05
Speaker 1: national figure as well. And on the other side of
8:09
Speaker 1: the building from Kiss FM, we had a fax machine, which,
8:13
Speaker 1: for you children of the iPhone era, was a machine that,
8:19
Speaker 1: believe it or not, would spit out curly pieces of
8:22
Speaker 1: paper from random strangers. And this, believe it or not,
8:27
Speaker 1: was how listeners to the radio would Texas. There was
8:31
Speaker 1: no text messaging back in those days. A facts never
8:36
Speaker 1: heard of them. Now. Tried telling a gen Zer that
8:40
Speaker 1: you once begged people to send you jokes via facts
8:46
Speaker 1: at midnight on a Wednesday. They'll look at you like
8:51
Speaker 1: you're describing the Pony Express, Like what's wrong with you,
8:55
Speaker 1: you old head boomer. But somehow it all worked, all
8:59
Speaker 1: the jigsaw puzzle pieces worked. Now we were daypart nomads
9:05
Speaker 1: on the Ben and Dave Show. We did middays, we
9:09
Speaker 1: worked nights, we did mornings occasionally. Essentially we were the
9:15
Speaker 1: Swiss Army Knife, although we had day parts, as they're
9:19
Speaker 1: called in radio. If a shift opened up, they would
9:22
Speaker 1: just toss Ben and Dave in there like duct tape
9:26
Speaker 1: on a leaky pipe, and what do you know, it stuck.
9:33
Speaker 1: It stuck. We did game shows that made no sense.
9:38
Speaker 1: We picked fights with other LA radio stations because local
9:44
Speaker 1: radio wars are fun. They're fun. Why not. We handed
9:49
Speaker 1: the microphone to goofball characters who had no business being
9:54
Speaker 1: within ten miles of an FCC licensed transmitter. It was chaotic,
10:01
Speaker 1: it was dumb, the dumb, dumb, dumb, and it was
10:05
Speaker 1: also glorious. And here's the thing about that show. All
10:10
Speaker 1: these years later, people listened a lot of people listened
10:14
Speaker 1: kids would call from their bedrooms with landlines, back when
10:19
Speaker 1: the phone court would stretch across the hall and go
10:23
Speaker 1: on and on and on. We're talking about junior high
10:25
Speaker 1: school punks dreaming of being the next Mike Piazza or
10:29
Speaker 1: Nick van Exel, who were the big stars in LA.
10:31
Speaker 1: Remember at that time, there was no NFL football in LA.
10:35
Speaker 1: That was after the Rams had left and the Raiders
10:37
Speaker 1: had gone back to Oakland. We had teenagers hiding under
10:44
Speaker 1: the covers with a walkman, college kids diving around the
10:48
Speaker 1: valley at one am. Right, we had all of those
10:53
Speaker 1: things had We had all of those things that were
10:57
Speaker 1: part of it. And truckers were there, just like we
11:01
Speaker 1: have on the overnight trukkers who thought we were either
11:03
Speaker 1: funny or insane. Long shortman down at the Port of LA.
11:07
Speaker 1: And those listeners, they're in their thirties, their forties, their
11:12
Speaker 1: fifties now or older. And those same young punks that
11:17
Speaker 1: were listening to the Benendeve Show, they've got mortgages, receding hairlines, cholesterol, meds,
11:24
Speaker 1: bad knees, a sore back, a wife or an ex wife,
11:29
Speaker 1: kids of their own. However, they remember, all right, they do,
11:34
Speaker 1: and so when Dave reached out to me about doing
11:37
Speaker 1: a reunion podcast. I hadn't spoken to him in over
11:42
Speaker 1: a decade. Our lives have taken different turns in different directions,
11:48
Speaker 1: and your work friends you're not real friends, and so
11:53
Speaker 1: you just go your separate ways. And so we set
11:57
Speaker 1: a time. He hit record, and then the flag is up.
12:02
Speaker 1: Suddenly here I am twenty two again. I'm in my
12:09
Speaker 1: head selling the weight loss wonder drug of the nineteen
12:13
Speaker 1: nineties body Shaper, which would become Body Solutions. I'm doing
12:20
Speaker 1: live remotes at a Jiffy Lube in Van Eyes at
12:24
Speaker 1: seven am on a Saturday, where nobody showed up because shocker,
12:30
Speaker 1: no one wants to change their oil and watch two
12:33
Speaker 1: guys talk about random nonsense into microphones at that hour
12:38
Speaker 1: on a Saturday, and I know getting yelled at. I
12:40
Speaker 1: remember getting yelled at by the program director who was
12:43
Speaker 1: basically pig vomit from the Howard Stern movie Private Parts
12:48
Speaker 1: minus the Charm, Minus the Charm. And this reunion hoot
12:53
Speaker 1: and Nanny. We'd agreed was going to be one show.
12:56
Speaker 1: It's gonna be one episode. We'll do it, we'll get
12:58
Speaker 1: it done with. That's it, And it became two shows
13:02
Speaker 1: and then three shows, and before you knew it, it
13:06
Speaker 1: was a bloody mini series that we had in our hands.
13:09
Speaker 1: And because once the nostalgia faucet you turn that bad
13:14
Speaker 1: boy on, it does not stop drinping. Right, whatever, it's
13:18
Speaker 1: nostalgic for you, I'm sure you're the same way for me.
13:21
Speaker 1: This was a very nostalgic conversation. I hadn't thought about
13:25
Speaker 1: the Ben and Dave show in a long time. I've
13:26
Speaker 1: met a lot of listeners and my travels around to
13:30
Speaker 1: the different meet and greets, I'm sure tomorrow I'll probably
13:32
Speaker 1: run into somebody who's a Ben and Dave listener. And
13:37
Speaker 1: you go through this stuff and you just start remembering
13:40
Speaker 1: things that you hadn't thought about, and Dave brought up
13:42
Speaker 1: stuff that I hadn't thought about in a long time. Now,
13:45
Speaker 1: if you want to hear any of this, you can
13:47
Speaker 1: go over to YouTube. This is not my product, this
13:50
Speaker 1: is his show. It's not my show. You just search
13:54
Speaker 1: on YouTube Dave Smith's Unleashed podcast. And if you weren't
13:59
Speaker 1: in LA and we have a national following now, which
14:01
Speaker 1: we're very lucky to have that stage, if you weren't
14:05
Speaker 1: in LA back in the nineties or the early two thousands.
14:09
Speaker 1: This is either going to feel like a fun time
14:12
Speaker 1: capsule or like listening to middle aged guys tell inside
14:16
Speaker 1: jokes at some dive bar that you were not at.
14:21
Speaker 1: And that's fine, that's fine, that's radio. That's audio content.
14:25
Speaker 1: I know this is a podcast, but it's audio radio.
14:28
Speaker 1: Same thing. Ninety percent of you, and I'm going low.
14:32
Speaker 1: I think that's actually higher than that. Ninety five ninety
14:36
Speaker 1: nine percent will not get it. But for those that do,
14:39
Speaker 1: whatever percent that is, whether it's one percent, five percent,
14:42
Speaker 1: ten percent, whatever percentage of people listening to me right now,
14:45
Speaker 1: you know who you are who get it. You're nodding
14:48
Speaker 1: right now. I was a kid when I started in radio.
14:51
Speaker 1: We talked about this with Danny g. Danny was younger
14:53
Speaker 1: than I was. I was nineteen at the mighty six
14:57
Speaker 1: ninety in San Diego. I was twenty two by the
15:02
Speaker 1: time I got my first talk show opportunity, and I
15:05
Speaker 1: had my own show for a little bit. Then I
15:07
Speaker 1: did the Ben and Dave Show, and I had no
15:09
Speaker 1: clue at that time. You start out young, you have
15:11
Speaker 1: an idea, you have everything mapped out, and then it's
15:14
Speaker 1: the old line that God you make your plans, and
15:18
Speaker 1: God laughs at you. Right, you have other ideas for
15:20
Speaker 1: your life. And so I had no concept whether or
15:24
Speaker 1: not I was going to be chewed up and spit
15:27
Speaker 1: out by broadcasting, and I got in the final fumes
15:34
Speaker 1: of the glory days of radio. Now, radio to me
15:38
Speaker 1: is very important, and to you it's very important. It's
15:41
Speaker 1: changed a lot, it's changed a lot. Three decades later,
15:45
Speaker 1: almost well, it turned out that things have worked out
15:50
Speaker 1: much better than I could have ever dreamed of. And
15:53
Speaker 1: here's the secret that nobody really tells you when you're young.
15:56
Speaker 1: And I'm not like, I don't think of myself as
15:59
Speaker 1: super Bowl, but it's a good life lesson if you're
16:01
Speaker 1: younger and you're listening to this, it's a secret that
16:04
Speaker 1: nobody really gives you. The glory days weren't the big days.
16:11
Speaker 1: You know, had some really cool things, big moments where
16:14
Speaker 1: I've been around, certain things that have been legendary and
16:19
Speaker 1: things that will be remembered for long long after I'm gone.
16:24
Speaker 1: But the glory days, they were the early days, the dumb,
16:28
Speaker 1: the messed up, fly by the seat of your pants,
16:31
Speaker 1: make it up as you go, glory days before the
16:34
Speaker 1: glory days and I want you to know if you're
16:37
Speaker 1: still listening, God bless you. But if you ever listen
16:41
Speaker 1: to the Men and Dave show back in those days
16:42
Speaker 1: and you called it, or you sent us a fax,
16:47
Speaker 1: or in your head, you played a game show and
16:51
Speaker 1: you listen along, and you maybe you showed up to
16:54
Speaker 1: a remote that we did at a sports bar, thank
16:59
Speaker 1: you and also congratulations because you were part of this.
17:03
Speaker 1: You were part of that whole experience which still means something,
17:09
Speaker 1: it still matters, and so for that, I thank you.
17:13
Speaker 1: I do seriously, I'm not just blowing smoke. Turning the page.
17:19
Speaker 1: We go to what I'm calling an American injustice. So
17:24
Speaker 1: the other day before I got here to Vegas for
17:27
Speaker 1: the Malor Meet and greet, which is going to be
17:29
Speaker 1: tomorrow at three o'clock Vegas time. Three to five. Before that,
17:35
Speaker 1: in the cavernous hallways of the iHeart Radio Building, home
17:41
Speaker 1: of the premier networks, were legends of broadcasting over the
17:46
Speaker 1: years of work like Casey Cason and Rush Limbaugh right
17:50
Speaker 1: there in Sherman Oaks, the kind of corporate broadcast palace
17:56
Speaker 1: where they serve radio with a side of corporate bureaucracy.
18:01
Speaker 1: But we don't see that side at night, because we're
18:04
Speaker 1: there when those corporate weasels are fastest leep. And so
18:09
Speaker 1: I was doing my daily steps. Now, if you don't
18:11
Speaker 1: know this, my mischi goosis, my grandfather would say, my
18:15
Speaker 1: mom would say, during the commercials, and we don't have
18:18
Speaker 1: a lot of commercials because it's a very popular show
18:21
Speaker 1: and we do few commercials. So during the commercials, I
18:25
Speaker 1: attempt to push back the plague that I have been
18:30
Speaker 1: given of a sedentary job, and I attempt to keep
18:35
Speaker 1: my blood flowing. That's right, steps, because that's what you do. Now.
18:44
Speaker 1: I've done this for a long time. This has been
18:46
Speaker 1: my one of my things that I've done for a while.
18:49
Speaker 1: So you count them. You try to get to ten thousand,
18:53
Speaker 1: or twelve thousand or fifteen thousand. We're all essentially gerbils
18:57
Speaker 1: on the wheel of health app, whatever app you use,
19:02
Speaker 1: and we're competing against time, We're competing against our fellow
19:08
Speaker 1: homo sapiens. Now, I got the Apple Watch on one wrist.
19:13
Speaker 1: I've got I guess you could say shame on the other, like,
19:16
Speaker 1: you gotta do this, you gotta get your steps in anyway,
19:21
Speaker 1: So somewhere around the corridors in a very short, very
19:27
Speaker 1: short commercial break on the Ben Mallor Overnight radio show.
19:32
Speaker 1: I hear off in the distance a faint clank. Now
19:39
Speaker 1: this was a metallic banging sound that I heard off
19:44
Speaker 1: in the distance in the blue yonder. At first, I
19:49
Speaker 1: was thinking, well, what is that. It's like, maybe there's
19:52
Speaker 1: doing some construction, or maybe there's a janitorial maintenance guy
19:57
Speaker 1: that's tightening some bolts somewhere down the hall. And then
20:01
Speaker 1: I realized, hey, stupid, it's the middle of the night.
20:06
Speaker 1: They don't repair things in the middle of the night,
20:10
Speaker 1: and other than working on the roads, they don't do construction,
20:14
Speaker 1: real construction in the middle of the night. And there's
20:17
Speaker 1: nobody else in the building other than the crew that
20:20
Speaker 1: was there for the radio show. Okay, So then I'm like,
20:25
Speaker 1: what is this? I keep hearing this in and I
20:26
Speaker 1: was like, did a raccoon get in the ceiling duct?
20:30
Speaker 1: Was there a super duper cockroach that was hit with
20:35
Speaker 1: nukes and was bouncing around the ceiling or worse, a
20:41
Speaker 1: fentanyl freak or meth head showed up. So I kept
20:47
Speaker 1: walking and no, that was not the case. So as
20:52
Speaker 1: I get closer, as you might imagine the way these
20:56
Speaker 1: things work, the noise got louder, got a little sharper,
21:00
Speaker 1: and then the big reveal. It was not a raccoon,
21:06
Speaker 1: It was not a cockroach that had been hit with nukes.
21:11
Speaker 1: Wasn't a fentanyl freak or a meth head. There I
21:16
Speaker 1: saw in front of me the kid from Liar Liar,
21:21
Speaker 1: Justin Cooper, the producer of the Ben Maler Show. And
21:26
Speaker 1: there's Coop standing in front of this much taller, broader monster,
21:34
Speaker 1: this vending machine. And he's standing there like he had
21:38
Speaker 1: just discovered the Rosetta Stone, not the malar of Rosetta Stone,
21:43
Speaker 1: the actual Rosetta Stone. However, this was not the Rosetta
21:49
Speaker 1: Stone as you might imagine it. This was the stone
21:53
Speaker 1: that was made out of glass. And behind it, taunting
21:58
Speaker 1: Cooper Loop, was a bag, not just any bag, a
22:01
Speaker 1: bag of guacamole chips. Now you're likely wondering who would
22:07
Speaker 1: buy quak chips at a vending machine at two in
22:12
Speaker 1: the morning, Robert Nick Mnison, Well, I will not say
22:19
Speaker 1: who that person is, but their name rhymes with koop alop.
22:23
Speaker 1: It could happen at any moment, Ben that right there.
22:28
Speaker 1: So the chips, though they refuse to budge. So here
22:31
Speaker 1: I am standing next to Koop and the machines in
22:35
Speaker 1: front of us, and the quak chips are really wedged
22:39
Speaker 1: in there, dangling though, just enough where you're like, well,
22:43
Speaker 1: I know they're wedged, but maybe maybe that thing's gonna
22:47
Speaker 1: fall down. And a crime had been committed. A crime
22:53
Speaker 1: had been committed, and the victim here was Coop. The
22:58
Speaker 1: culprit was an early nineteen nineties. This is our person
23:03
Speaker 1: of interest in early nineteen nineties. Vending machine. A monstrosity,
23:09
Speaker 1: if you will, that's the proper way to describe it.
23:12
Speaker 1: The great equalizer of office life. Now we were at
23:15
Speaker 1: a radio station, but there's an office there as well,
23:18
Speaker 1: like the vending machine. Let me tell you what the
23:20
Speaker 1: vending machines like. I got the perfect analogy. The vending
23:24
Speaker 1: machine is like going to the ballet. A beautiful, amazing
23:33
Speaker 1: stripper who is programmed to tease, to tantalize, but ultimately
23:41
Speaker 1: to deny what you want unless maybe you pay extra.
23:46
Speaker 1: I'm just saying. I'm just saying. So now I should
23:49
Speaker 1: tell you that I leapt into actually be very proud
23:53
Speaker 1: of me, that I'm not just a gas bag. No, no, no,
23:57
Speaker 1: I did the thing that any red blood American or
24:00
Speaker 1: Canadian or Mexican would do now here. I am some
24:07
Speaker 1: just middle aged, red blooded American. I got a couple
24:10
Speaker 1: of decades there, sports talk, radio, service time, got a
24:14
Speaker 1: bad knee back that's aching.
24:16
Speaker 3: And here I am trying to tip the machine. I'm
24:23
Speaker 3: using my superman like strength. I told myself, you must
24:27
Speaker 3: have been herculean resolve. My internal voice was saying Herculean resolved.
24:33
Speaker 3: You know, the drill push from the side, rocket like
24:36
Speaker 3: a baby rocket, A little bit.
24:39
Speaker 1: Not too much, you don't want to tip it over.
24:41
Speaker 1: Got a rocket like you're moving a stubborn sofa through
24:46
Speaker 1: a narrow doorway at your apartment. And Coop and I
24:51
Speaker 1: we start doing this side by side. So I'm on
24:53
Speaker 1: one side, Coops on the other. It's like synchronized swimming
25:00
Speaker 1: versus Goliath, except Goliath is filled with do Rito's, snickers
25:06
Speaker 1: and PEPSI and sadly, I must report to you, my
25:13
Speaker 1: fellow member of the mal or militia, but this story
25:17
Speaker 1: does not, I repeat, does not have a happy ending.
25:23
Speaker 1: You see, we failed the machine. Despite a minutes long battle.
25:31
Speaker 1: The machine did not yield, the chips did not drop.
25:35
Speaker 1: Coop walked away, hungry, quacamoleleus no chips, and both of
25:42
Speaker 1: us were a little defeated. But here's the thing. I
25:48
Speaker 1: want you to know that we were not failures because
25:51
Speaker 1: we tried. And that is the mantra for those that
25:55
Speaker 1: have been on the vending machine battlefield. If you rattle
25:59
Speaker 1: the cave and the snack does not fall, it's not
26:04
Speaker 1: you must have quit. It's you're still the man because
26:08
Speaker 1: at least you had the intentional fortitude to try. You
26:15
Speaker 1: gave it the old effort. That's what matters. And that's
26:21
Speaker 1: a pretty good jumping off point. So let's pause right there.
26:23
Speaker 1: So vending machines. Vending machines are one of the last
26:28
Speaker 1: bastions of American injustice if you think about it. And no,
26:34
Speaker 1: I am not drinking ayahuasca tea in the Amazon with
26:38
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan and Aaron Rodgers. Just think about this though.
26:43
Speaker 1: Let me workshop this, Let me workshop this, So think
26:46
Speaker 1: about American injustice. You feed the vending machine dollars, Chris
26:53
Speaker 1: Green dollars or some cases quarters heavy honest, You make
27:01
Speaker 1: your selection, You punch in a thirteen a thirteen, You
27:07
Speaker 1: make your selection, and sometimes the machine decides it's stubborn.
27:12
Speaker 1: It just says no, It says this is not your day,
27:16
Speaker 1: and it takes your money. It then mocks you. The
27:19
Speaker 1: way it mocks you is it dangles your your booty,
27:24
Speaker 1: your bounty, your prize bounty in plain sight. It offers
27:29
Speaker 1: no refunds. There's no appeals court, there's no complaint line,
27:34
Speaker 1: there's no arbitration panel in New York City. There's no
27:40
Speaker 1: billboard lawyers saying which vending machine hurts you? You see,
27:45
Speaker 1: there's just the cool indifference of a little spiral piece
27:50
Speaker 1: of metal that refuses to just turn one more time. Now,
27:56
Speaker 1: Professor Rashid Wallace taught me years ago, Tommy ben Ball
28:03
Speaker 1: don't lie. However, vending machines absolutely do. They absolutely do.
28:13
Speaker 1: And here's the kicker. There is a high resolution video
28:21
Speaker 1: I am talking professional video that's right of this whole thing,
28:28
Speaker 1: the vending machine brew Haha, this massive hunk of glass
28:35
Speaker 1: and aluminum that should be sold at a nineteen nineties
28:41
Speaker 1: vintage store in you know, it's just mocking its victims.
28:45
Speaker 1: The beast is under twenty four seven surveillance. I'm talking
28:52
Speaker 1: about video security cameras. It's like the Pentagon or Fort
28:58
Speaker 1: Knox and if Coop and I had been successful and
29:03
Speaker 1: tear that statue down, or in this case, topple the
29:07
Speaker 1: vending machine. Someone in management, likely in San Antonio, possibly
29:14
Speaker 1: in Cincinnati, maybe in Nashville. Someone in management would have
29:18
Speaker 1: watched the replay in super duper slow motion, probably set
29:24
Speaker 1: to yakty sacks, little yakty sacks, and then send it
29:30
Speaker 1: around the entire iHeart Corporate universe. So theak chips remain
29:37
Speaker 1: lodged last I I'm in Vegas now, but last I
29:40
Speaker 1: saw they were lodged there. The surveillance tape rolls on,
29:44
Speaker 1: and we, meaning Coop and I, we quickly returned and
29:50
Speaker 1: we hustled to the studio for more talk radio, and
29:54
Speaker 1: sometimes sometimes the machine went. Sometimes the man at least
30:02
Speaker 1: though you gave it the old overnight radio try, as
30:05
Speaker 1: we like to say now, I would also want to
30:07
Speaker 1: point out that over the years we've had a few
30:11
Speaker 1: listeners that worked the vending machine game. They would steamroll
30:16
Speaker 1: through those vending machines. And if you ever get a
30:20
Speaker 1: radio show and you do a midday show, you want
30:23
Speaker 1: to have vending machine refill guy as a listener. Because
30:28
Speaker 1: though at least back in the nineties when we were
30:31
Speaker 1: doing the Ben and Dave Show we talked about at
30:32
Speaker 1: the beginning of this podcast, and I will get Dave
30:34
Speaker 1: Smith on this podcast at some point. I'll get him on.
30:39
Speaker 1: But anyway, to continue on here. So, we had a
30:43
Speaker 1: guy that was doing vending machines and he loved our show,
30:47
Speaker 1: the Ben and Dave Show back in those days, and
30:49
Speaker 1: every once in a while he would show up. He
30:54
Speaker 1: never announced he was going to show up, we never
30:56
Speaker 1: invited him, but he would show up and he would
31:01
Speaker 1: have boxes of Lays, Ruffles, potato chips, he'd have candy
31:08
Speaker 1: bars and Skittles, all that stuff, and he just handed
31:15
Speaker 1: to us because there were always a few extras oozing
31:18
Speaker 1: out of the machine, always a few extras. All right, well,
31:22
Speaker 1: that's enough, we'll get out on that. We'll have a
31:24
Speaker 1: new podcast on Saturday and Sunday. Here. The Mallor Meet
31:27
Speaker 1: and Greet is tomorrow, and we'll have some pregame coverage
31:32
Speaker 1: for the Malor Meet and Greet tomorrow. I know Terry
31:34
Speaker 1: loves when we do a pregame show. And also a
31:38
Speaker 1: story that I want to share with you, and I'm
31:42
Speaker 1: not gonna I don't want to give it anythingway because
31:44
Speaker 1: I don't know exactly what I can say and can't say.
31:47
Speaker 1: It's been hanging over my head. We'll get to that.
31:50
Speaker 1: Have a wonderful rest of your Friday, and I'm going
31:54
Speaker 1: to go lose some money in a sports book after
31:56
Speaker 1: I take a nap, and we'll talk to you next time.
32:01
Speaker 1: Asta pasta later, skater, Yes, gotta murder. I gotta go