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When High Achievers Hit an Invisible Wall · Groove with Portia

0:06
Speaker 1: Welcome to Groul Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
0:09
Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
0:13
Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
0:16
Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course the best medicine
0:18
Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherished memories, Remember that time
0:21
Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
0:23
Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course discover
0:26
Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of the life's hardest challenges lost.
0:31
Speaker 1: So get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer,
0:35
Speaker 1: let's dive in. Hello, Hello everybody, and welcome back to
0:46
Speaker 1: Girl Porsche. I'm your host, Porsche Booker, and as always,
0:49
Speaker 1: don't forget to like, share and subscribe to keep it
0:53
Speaker 1: with all things grew with Porsche.
0:55
Speaker 2: You guys.
0:55
Speaker 1: I'm very excited about this conversation that we're gonna have
0:58
Speaker 1: today with doctor mar But before I introduce her and
1:00
Speaker 1: bring her on stage, I want to talk about something
1:03
Speaker 1: really quick. How many of us can identify as being
1:05
Speaker 1: high achievers? Anybody else out there? One thing that I
1:09
Speaker 1: recognize with those of us who are high achievers go
1:12
Speaker 1: getters there tends to be this notion that we have
1:15
Speaker 1: to wear the super woman cape twenty four seven, three
1:19
Speaker 1: sixty five. I remember several years ago I had a
1:22
Speaker 1: conversation with someone about wearing the strong woman cape. How
1:26
Speaker 1: so many of us, especially women of color, tend to
1:29
Speaker 1: take on that role of being the mother for everyone
1:32
Speaker 1: right when the matriarch tends to transition, then we step
1:37
Speaker 1: into that role. But how many of us have reached
1:39
Speaker 1: that breaking point as a result of that? Let that
1:42
Speaker 1: sink in. So today I have the honor of being
1:45
Speaker 1: joined by doctor Marr, who will speak to us about
1:48
Speaker 1: her story and how she's able to continue life despite
1:53
Speaker 1: some of the different grief and losses she's had in
1:55
Speaker 1: her life. So welcome to grul Portia, doctor Mar. How
1:58
Speaker 1: are you today?
2:00
Speaker 2: I am great, Thank you so very much for having me.
2:02
Speaker 2: I'm really looking forward to our conversation today.
2:05
Speaker 1: Same, doctor Marr, because I know there's so many people
2:08
Speaker 1: right now, realistically, who are serial entrepreneurs that have it all,
2:14
Speaker 1: that are balancing so many different losses. On the outside,
2:19
Speaker 1: they look polished, they look fine, but we don't know
2:22
Speaker 1: how many hospital stays they've had, how many near death moments,
2:27
Speaker 1: how many collapses. So for our audience, Doctor mar I'm
2:31
Speaker 1: going to just dive right in. As I brought up
2:33
Speaker 1: in the beginning, you're a very high achieving woman while
2:38
Speaker 1: privately navigating infertility, and I'm curious for our audience, what
2:43
Speaker 1: did people see on the outside that didn't reflect what
2:47
Speaker 1: you were experiencing behind closed doors.
2:51
Speaker 2: That is a great question to get things started. And
2:53
Speaker 2: what people saw on the outside was what they deemed
2:57
Speaker 2: to be typical Marlene. Always had it together, are always
3:01
Speaker 2: dressed up, always smiling. I love to smile. I'm sorry
3:07
Speaker 2: you like I love to smile and giggle, and I
3:10
Speaker 2: love to just basically have my checklist, whether it's via
3:14
Speaker 2: a calendar or an actual notebook or something. People know
3:17
Speaker 2: I have my checklist, things are getting done right. So
3:20
Speaker 2: if you task me with something, or I know I'm
3:22
Speaker 2: tasked with something as a leader, it's getting done. So
3:25
Speaker 2: that's always what everyone saw on the outside.
3:29
Speaker 1: MM. We're very similar, doctor mar I'm somebody who also
3:35
Speaker 1: keeps a list of things. I mean, whether I go
3:37
Speaker 1: to the grocery store, I'm still that person that writes
3:40
Speaker 1: down everything from the butter to even the smallest things
3:44
Speaker 1: of grabbing gloves because I don't like touching meat with
3:47
Speaker 1: my bare hands. I'm weird about that, but it's funny
3:50
Speaker 1: how the veil of illusion continues to funnel in our society,
3:58
Speaker 1: considering that there's this new movement of being authentic, right
4:03
Speaker 1: especially on social media, especially in the world that we
4:08
Speaker 1: live in today. And I'm curious, doctor Marrow, was there
4:12
Speaker 1: a period of time during that moment in period where
4:16
Speaker 1: you felt that wearing this mask was both hindering you
4:21
Speaker 1: and saving you simultaneously.
4:25
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, you hit the nail on the
4:28
Speaker 2: head with exactly what the mask accomplished. As a scholarly researcher,
4:35
Speaker 2: I conducted my dissertation research on the lived infertility experience
4:41
Speaker 2: of women and leadership roles. Okay, so, of course leadership
4:45
Speaker 2: continues to be studied, as it should because it's always evolving.
4:49
Speaker 2: Fertility in itself is studied because especially from a clinical
4:53
Speaker 2: aspect things of that nature. However, never were the two
4:57
Speaker 2: connected before. And my research is the first and I
5:00
Speaker 2: say that to say Porsha that in my research, one
5:03
Speaker 2: of the things that I had to do, of course,
5:04
Speaker 2: is interview actual high achieving women. My participants were women leaders,
5:10
Speaker 2: women in leadership roles, and that's exactly what Many of
5:14
Speaker 2: the conversations that we had touched on this mask that
5:18
Speaker 2: they had to put on, and for some almost all
5:21
Speaker 2: of us, thank goodness we had the mask because it
5:24
Speaker 2: allowed us in a way not only gave us the
5:29
Speaker 2: possibility and ability to get through what we're going through
5:33
Speaker 2: for the sake of what's being spelled out or required
5:37
Speaker 2: in front of us, it also allowed us to keep
5:39
Speaker 2: going and it also allowed us in a way to
5:42
Speaker 2: hide because on a personal standpoint, you when you're dealing
5:47
Speaker 2: at least with infertility along with many other things, it's
5:50
Speaker 2: surrounded by shame. It's surrounded and even though what you're
5:55
Speaker 2: going through and what we've experienced was real, even though
5:59
Speaker 2: it was okay to be sad, it was okay to
6:02
Speaker 2: be confused, it was okay to actually live that experience,
6:06
Speaker 2: there was a shame part of it where thank goodness
6:08
Speaker 2: we had the mask because at that point, when the
6:11
Speaker 2: mask is on, okay, all right, I don't have to
6:13
Speaker 2: be ashamed, I don't have to deal with it like
6:14
Speaker 2: everybody thinks, everyone is okay. So from that perspective, having
6:18
Speaker 2: the mask on, and it was the similar experience for
6:21
Speaker 2: many of the women participants that I interviewed. Having that
6:25
Speaker 2: mask on, it kind of saved us because from a
6:27
Speaker 2: personal standpoint, we're now able to do everything else and
6:31
Speaker 2: fit in and get everything else done in life. But
6:34
Speaker 2: on the other side of that, it really hurt too,
6:37
Speaker 2: because why couldn't we let other people in. Why couldn't
6:41
Speaker 2: we allow folks to know, you know what, I'm here,
6:44
Speaker 2: but I'm dealing with some stuff, so give me a
6:46
Speaker 2: little grace or I may be a little slower, or
6:48
Speaker 2: maybe I need help right and getting this done. And
6:52
Speaker 2: because you have that mask on, you don't even ask
6:54
Speaker 2: for that. So in a way it was counterintuitive, but
6:57
Speaker 2: it did serve both purposes, allowing you to hide to
7:01
Speaker 2: deal with it and in a way basically hindering your
7:05
Speaker 2: healing and hindering distance. You know.
7:08
Speaker 1: So, doctor Mary, I appreciate you sharing that because immediately
7:12
Speaker 1: what comes to my mind as these high achieving women
7:16
Speaker 1: are opening doors of opportunity for other people, your birthing things.
7:21
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's as though there's a
7:24
Speaker 1: still bornness in your life. And it's kind of that
7:30
Speaker 1: like duality, right, And I often say that grief teaches
7:34
Speaker 1: you a lot about duality. You're going to have those
7:37
Speaker 1: days where you can hold the laughter of thinking about
7:41
Speaker 1: your loved one and at the same time cry about
7:44
Speaker 1: missing their physical presence. Correct, And I'm curious, doctor mar.
7:49
Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of people truly understand the
7:53
Speaker 1: grief that comes with infertility because it probably be classified
7:57
Speaker 1: as disenfranchised because in probably the societal norm, it's like, oh,
8:03
Speaker 1: you know, the baby hasn't been physically here yet, so
8:06
Speaker 1: how can you create or envision a pathway, a life,
8:12
Speaker 1: a future of something that's not physically visible. And I'm
8:17
Speaker 1: curious for our audience, doctor mar what else did you
8:21
Speaker 1: find yourself grieving outside of the infertility journey during that
8:27
Speaker 1: season of your life?
8:29
Speaker 2: You know, you explained it perfectly, because society does look
8:33
Speaker 2: at infertility as something that doesn't necessarily warrant space to
8:39
Speaker 2: grieve because the actual physical, you know, apparatus or child
8:45
Speaker 2: or being that it is that you're trying to birth
8:48
Speaker 2: isn't here yet. However, dealing with infertility is a true
8:54
Speaker 2: example of grieving the unknown, grieving the possibility, grieving the
9:01
Speaker 2: idea that even though I try hard and I do
9:05
Speaker 2: all the things, I don't know if I'm going to
9:08
Speaker 2: have the end result that I'm looking for. And one
9:11
Speaker 2: of the things that I try to always explain, so
9:14
Speaker 2: it kind of paints a picture that people can visualize
9:18
Speaker 2: is you know, let's take school for instance, whether you're
9:21
Speaker 2: in primary, middle school, high school, college, whatever. You know,
9:25
Speaker 2: you start not necessarily knowing what's going to happen, but
9:29
Speaker 2: you know there's a plan, right, there's a plan and
9:30
Speaker 2: a strategy for school. You go from this grade to
9:33
Speaker 2: that grade. You take this subject, build up on it
9:36
Speaker 2: with this subject, gain this expertise, and you know that
9:39
Speaker 2: when you start it may not always be easy, but
9:42
Speaker 2: when you start, you know you're going to be done.
9:44
Speaker 2: Like that's the normal outlook. When people start a task
9:48
Speaker 2: like being in school with infertility, it's not like that
9:52
Speaker 2: because you start right. First of all, it's something you
9:55
Speaker 2: didn't ask for. So there's no playbook to say, hey,
9:57
Speaker 2: here's your infertility, or here's your grief, or here is
10:00
Speaker 2: your loss. You know, I want to ask for this stuff.
10:02
Speaker 2: And even though you see it around you, sometimes you
10:04
Speaker 2: don't understand what people are dealing with or how they're
10:08
Speaker 2: dealing with it until and unless you've gone through it.
10:11
Speaker 2: So there's no playbook, there's no roadmap, and you're navigating
10:15
Speaker 2: this journey for sha, not knowing if you're even going
10:19
Speaker 2: to succeed. So imagine you're on an uncharted territory, you
10:24
Speaker 2: have no roadmap. You are often faced with forks in
10:29
Speaker 2: the road because even though you start and let's say
10:31
Speaker 2: you go to the doctor or you go to a
10:33
Speaker 2: grief therapist or whatever the case may be, there say oh, okay,
10:37
Speaker 2: we're going to go this way, not knowing what's going
10:39
Speaker 2: to happen because there's been no proven track record behind that, right,
10:43
Speaker 2: And then you keep going and going and going, not
10:45
Speaker 2: knowing if you're going to end up with this baby.
10:48
Speaker 2: So you grieve the possibility. You grieve you know, the potential,
10:53
Speaker 2: and it's really really hard because in the meantime, life
10:56
Speaker 2: is happening around you, and you are indeed birthing other babies,
11:02
Speaker 2: you know, your career or your home, your relationships with
11:05
Speaker 2: your family and all the things. And the part too
11:09
Speaker 2: that gets a little bit tricky, which is also adding
11:12
Speaker 2: to the grief, is when in nurturing these relationships that
11:16
Speaker 2: are around you, they do involve people may be spending
11:20
Speaker 2: time with their parents and you just lost yours, or
11:23
Speaker 2: you're at a baby shower and we're celebrating the impending
11:26
Speaker 2: birth of this baby, and you're grieving because you don't
11:29
Speaker 2: know if that's going to be your story. And you know,
11:32
Speaker 2: are you happy for this person? You're not unhappy for them,
11:35
Speaker 2: but then you're sad for you. So it's very, very complicated.
11:39
Speaker 2: And the other thing that I would add too is,
11:42
Speaker 2: you know, you mentioned the duality that's involved when high
11:45
Speaker 2: achieving women are juggling all the things, and doing my research,
11:50
Speaker 2: it's more to me. I coined it as part of
11:52
Speaker 2: the themes that emerged from my research as a multiplicity
11:57
Speaker 2: of roles, because sometimes we are told to take things
12:00
Speaker 2: one day at a time, and I have to tell you,
12:02
Speaker 2: sometimes you need to put on three or four different
12:04
Speaker 2: hats during that one day, so you're navigating three or
12:08
Speaker 2: four roles in the one day, you know. So it's
12:11
Speaker 2: like a multiplicity of roles where you're the impending mother
12:14
Speaker 2: from seven to eight because now you're at the clinic
12:17
Speaker 2: trying to get labs, you know. Drawn then when you
12:20
Speaker 2: get to work, you are a leader that everyone's waiting
12:22
Speaker 2: on you like, okay, yeah, she thirty minutes later, she
12:24
Speaker 2: nine minutes said okay, great, she's here. Okay, what do
12:26
Speaker 2: we do? So people are waiting you on that, so
12:28
Speaker 2: you have that hat on, and then after you've you know,
12:31
Speaker 2: debriefed with your team or whatever, now you have a
12:33
Speaker 2: different hat on because you're also an employee. So you
12:36
Speaker 2: have your own task and then your own things that
12:38
Speaker 2: you need to do. And then maybe midday rolls around
12:40
Speaker 2: and your parents need something because you're also a caretaker.
12:43
Speaker 2: So now that hat goes, you know. So there's a
12:46
Speaker 2: multiplicity of roles going on within the day for high
12:50
Speaker 2: achieving women. And dealing with grief and that impending possibility
12:55
Speaker 2: and not knowing if it's going to come to fruition
12:57
Speaker 2: is something that is really really really rich, you know,
13:00
Speaker 2: significant in the lives of many women.
13:03
Speaker 1: And you know, doctor Marr immediately, I think of kind
13:06
Speaker 1: of the pinball machine. Right when you're sitting there playing pinball.
13:10
Speaker 1: You know the ball is gonna go up, and obviously
13:13
Speaker 1: you have to hit it once it comes back down,
13:15
Speaker 1: but you don't know when you're gonna miss the mark.
13:18
Speaker 2: Correct.
13:19
Speaker 1: Great, and I love how you brought up the multi
13:24
Speaker 1: facetedness of so many people, especially high achieving women. Right
13:28
Speaker 1: we're wearing the roles sometimes of being a caregiver to
13:31
Speaker 1: elderly parents, if you have kids, you're you know, raising
13:35
Speaker 1: your kids. If you have a spouse, you know you're
13:38
Speaker 1: And then of course you want to make time for
13:40
Speaker 1: your own friends, and if you want to have hobbies.
13:43
Speaker 1: So you're juggling so many things, birthing so many things.
13:47
Speaker 1: But then there's that that plateau of there's a still
13:52
Speaker 1: bornness here. Yes, simultaneously, and doctor Mar, before we continue
13:57
Speaker 1: the conversation, if our audience wants to connect with you,
14:01
Speaker 1: want to learn more about your work, obviously get a
14:04
Speaker 1: copy of your book as well. How can our audience
14:07
Speaker 1: connect with you today, doctor Mar.
14:09
Speaker 2: Yes, everyone can reach me on my website www dot
14:14
Speaker 2: mcd b e dot com. Again it's www dot mcd
14:19
Speaker 2: be dot com. And everything is there, following me on
14:23
Speaker 2: social the book, what I do, my events that are
14:27
Speaker 2: coming up, everything is on there on the website.
14:30
Speaker 1: Excellent. So any of our audience also, you can do
14:34
Speaker 1: a Google search or use AI. You know, AI has
14:37
Speaker 1: become the know it all of all of us. I mean,
14:41
Speaker 1: just type in your name and I'm sure to even
14:43
Speaker 1: come up with things that you may not even know, doctor,
14:46
Speaker 1: more about you. You even forgot I anytimes I Google
14:50
Speaker 1: myself from time to time just to see what Google populates.
14:54
Speaker 1: And sometimes I laugh because my recent search literally classifies
14:59
Speaker 1: me as an end of life expert. And I said,
15:03
Speaker 1: but that's that's not really what I do. So it's
15:07
Speaker 1: kind of funny that I'm categorized in the bereathing space,
15:11
Speaker 1: but I don't advertise as that. So it's kind of
15:13
Speaker 1: funny the things that happen exactly exactly, Doctor mar Another
15:19
Speaker 1: thing that I know about you, outside of your infertility journey,
15:22
Speaker 1: I also know that you had the experience of the
15:26
Speaker 1: loss of Angel. Yes, can you share with our audience
15:30
Speaker 1: who Angel was and what you want people to remember
15:34
Speaker 1: about Angel?
15:36
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, So after ten years of trying, my husband
15:41
Speaker 2: and I trying to you know, further our family because
15:45
Speaker 2: my husband came along with my wonderful young man I
15:49
Speaker 2: call him my son, who didn't give me any labor pains.
15:52
Speaker 2: His name is Rich. So in an effort for us
15:55
Speaker 2: to expand the family, my husband and I had tried
15:58
Speaker 2: for ten years, and those ten years included you know, surgeries,
16:03
Speaker 2: diagnostic testing, procedures, fertility treatments, all of the above. So
16:09
Speaker 2: after ten years, our doctors decided okay, it's time to
16:11
Speaker 2: move on to IVF, and as luck would have it,
16:15
Speaker 2: you know, we were one of the lucky ones that
16:18
Speaker 2: were able to find success after our first round of IVF,
16:22
Speaker 2: and I was just elated. I was over the moon.
16:24
Speaker 2: It was the first time I was ever pregnant. Everything
16:26
Speaker 2: was great, and unfortunately, at twenty two weeks and one day,
16:31
Speaker 2: I had to give birth to Angel, the full sabang
16:35
Speaker 2: in the hospital, labor contractions, all the things, and it
16:39
Speaker 2: was it was devastating. I don't even know how else
16:43
Speaker 2: to explain it. It was just a devastating experience and
16:48
Speaker 2: again one that you don't plan for. Remember that uncharted,
16:52
Speaker 2: you know, road of infertility, and finally, after all that time,
16:57
Speaker 2: you know, we find success and it wasn't long lived.
17:00
Speaker 2: So that was definitely something that you just don't plan for.
17:04
Speaker 2: And I have to tell you, Porsche, I didn't know
17:06
Speaker 2: if I was coming, if I was going. I felt
17:09
Speaker 2: like I was going crazy. I'm like, why did this happen?
17:11
Speaker 2: How did this happen? And in my case, I ended
17:14
Speaker 2: up with something that they coin now as cervical insufficiency,
17:18
Speaker 2: but back then it's called incompetence cervix. So after the
17:22
Speaker 2: loss of Angel. It's also really important to me to educate,
17:27
Speaker 2: just educate awareness, educate awareness. Especially when I hear younger
17:31
Speaker 2: folks or whoever that are pregnant, I'm like, Okay, have
17:34
Speaker 2: the doctors check your cervix because it's a silent condition
17:37
Speaker 2: that until you know, you're just walking around and the
17:40
Speaker 2: baby comes out, like you don't know you have it,
17:41
Speaker 2: because oftentimes it's very painless. So that's who Angel was.
17:46
Speaker 2: Angel Grace is her name. And after all these years,
17:50
Speaker 2: I finally mustered up the strength to you know, I
17:53
Speaker 2: used to honor her every year in our own way, privately,
17:56
Speaker 2: and you know, I ended up three years ago cultivating
17:59
Speaker 2: a live event where we celebrate the law the lives
18:03
Speaker 2: of those that have been lost. And October is National
18:07
Speaker 2: Pregnancy and Infant Lost Awareness Month, and it was coined
18:11
Speaker 2: by former President Ronald Reagan. He and Nancy had lost
18:15
Speaker 2: their five month old daughter. And of course, until you
18:17
Speaker 2: go through these experiences, I never even knew that that
18:20
Speaker 2: commemorative commemorative date was even around. So October is the
18:25
Speaker 2: actual month and then the actual day is October fifteen.
18:28
Speaker 2: So this year, coming up on October fifteen, I'm hosting
18:31
Speaker 2: the third annual You Are My Angel Maternal Wellness Event,
18:36
Speaker 2: and it's something that's very special to me. And you know,
18:39
Speaker 2: I created the foundation in her honor, Angels Grace Foundation,
18:43
Speaker 2: and with that foundation, the goal is to continue to
18:46
Speaker 2: bring awareness, bring support for grieving fathers, grieving mothers. How
18:51
Speaker 2: do we educate you know, people on maternal wellness, and
18:54
Speaker 2: maternal wellness doesn't have to start when you have a child.
18:58
Speaker 2: It can start earlier than that. So I have, you know,
19:00
Speaker 2: youth programs that talk about reproductive health. And you know,
19:03
Speaker 2: it's just a wonderful, wonderful initiative that I was able
19:08
Speaker 2: to get done because of her short time here on
19:13
Speaker 2: this earth. So you know, it is the catalyst that
19:15
Speaker 2: also keeps me going because I ended up finding success
19:19
Speaker 2: in our subsequent IVFS and I now have two more boys.
19:23
Speaker 2: I had twin boys, Casin and Camden. They were born
19:26
Speaker 2: a year after I had Angel, and then I have
19:29
Speaker 2: the little one, kV. He's eight. So all together we
19:33
Speaker 2: have a house of voys. I have all four of
19:35
Speaker 2: you're numbered, yes, I'm out numbered right. So it's just amazing.
19:41
Speaker 2: And I remember when the boys were little, the twins
19:44
Speaker 2: would be in their rooms and you know, they were
19:47
Speaker 2: micro preemies born at twenty six weeks in one day,
19:50
Speaker 2: so they had a little bit of a rough start,
19:53
Speaker 2: and they would literally portion just be up looking and
19:56
Speaker 2: waving and giggling and goggling, and we're like, we don't
19:58
Speaker 2: understand what's going on. And in my heart, I know
20:00
Speaker 2: it was angel there watching over them and making sure
20:03
Speaker 2: that they're okay. And she presents herself in so many
20:06
Speaker 2: different ways in my life. But you know, to kind
20:09
Speaker 2: of wrap this segment part up, it's hard because that's
20:12
Speaker 2: who she was. She also keeps me going and everything
20:15
Speaker 2: that I do, even though if it gets a little
20:17
Speaker 2: bit difficult, I always think about, you know, what life
20:20
Speaker 2: would have been like with her here right, and as
20:24
Speaker 2: someone who did have a short, short life, what would
20:27
Speaker 2: she like to see? What would she like me to
20:30
Speaker 2: have people remember, or what kind of environment you know,
20:33
Speaker 2: would she would want me to curate for other people
20:36
Speaker 2: who are struggling as well. So and the other thing
20:39
Speaker 2: about that, specifically tying into what you mentioned, Porsha, is
20:42
Speaker 2: I'm dealing with all of this while you know, I'm
20:45
Speaker 2: a woman in leadership, I'm an executive. I have this
20:47
Speaker 2: high power job and literally so first I'm dealing with
20:51
Speaker 2: trying to juggle infertility, and then now I'm juggling you know,
20:54
Speaker 2: grief and loss, you know, and still trying to keep
20:57
Speaker 2: it together and have deadlines. And these are deadlines that
21:00
Speaker 2: have significant monetary penalties if they're not right. So work
21:05
Speaker 2: was very, very challenging. It wasn't an easy situation. So
21:09
Speaker 2: that's also, you know, the catalyst that helped spear the
21:12
Speaker 2: work that I do, spearhead the work that I do
21:14
Speaker 2: with other women. And just so your audience knows, I
21:18
Speaker 2: delivered a ted X talk in Raleigh, North Carolina, last summer,
21:22
Speaker 2: and one of the women that came up, thank you.
21:25
Speaker 2: One of the women that came up, she waited in
21:27
Speaker 2: line to speak with me and she said, you know,
21:29
Speaker 2: doctor mar I didn't have a infertility experience, but I
21:33
Speaker 2: thank you for shaping your discussion and your talk around
21:36
Speaker 2: disruption because I am currently a woman executive and I
21:41
Speaker 2: lost my father unexpectedly, and I'm in the crux of
21:46
Speaker 2: dealing with grief and half of the time I don't
21:48
Speaker 2: know if I'm coming or going, and I'm just expected
21:51
Speaker 2: to keep going, you know. So all of that Porsche
21:55
Speaker 2: put together and brought together and all in a nice
21:58
Speaker 2: bowl is kind of what like. Okay, Marlene, your initiatives
22:00
Speaker 2: are good. Keep doing what you're doing because women and
22:04
Speaker 2: other people they want to feel that someone can relate
22:07
Speaker 2: to them. They want to feel that someone Okay, I'm
22:10
Speaker 2: not alone on this journey. I have to keep going
22:12
Speaker 2: because if they were able to keep going, I can too,
22:15
Speaker 2: and that kind of helps, you know, get them through
22:17
Speaker 2: the grief and healing process as well.
22:20
Speaker 1: Doctor mar First of all, lots of love to you,
22:23
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you so much for sharing about Angel Grace.
22:27
Speaker 1: How old would Angel Grace be today, doctor Mark?
22:30
Speaker 2: Okay, she would have been turning fifteen in December.
22:33
Speaker 1: Wow, man, Okay, December.
22:36
Speaker 2: What December twenty one? So December December twenty one, twenty eleven.
22:42
Speaker 2: And her brothers are were born November nineteen, so almost
22:46
Speaker 2: a year to the day that she was born. And
22:49
Speaker 2: they'll be fourteen in November. So wow.
22:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, so literally almost the Christmas gift. Literally another Oh
22:58
Speaker 1: let me.
22:58
Speaker 2: Tell you it was a like I can't even describe it, Portia,
23:02
Speaker 2: because she was born December twenty one. My husband and
23:05
Speaker 2: I anniversary is December twenty second, So needless to say,
23:09
Speaker 2: I told that doctor, you need to get me out
23:11
Speaker 2: of this hospital. I've been here for two months already.
23:13
Speaker 2: I'm ready to go home. If I have to spend
23:16
Speaker 2: Christmas in here, you might as well just, you know,
23:18
Speaker 2: throw me out by the trash like I can't. So
23:21
Speaker 2: between her being born around the anniversary and then Christmas,
23:25
Speaker 2: it was tough. It was a very, very tough time.
23:28
Speaker 2: But now we look back on the holiday because I
23:30
Speaker 2: always love the holiday time and it's just truly a
23:34
Speaker 2: blessing that I can appreciate.
23:36
Speaker 1: Now, well, doctor mar let me just say thank you
23:39
Speaker 1: so much for coming on the show sharing with our
23:42
Speaker 1: audience so many different grief transitions in your life, from
23:48
Speaker 1: the infertility journey to even Angel's presence here and then transition,
23:54
Speaker 1: but also the rebirth, the birth of something that helps
23:58
Speaker 1: other women because what you just brought up, I never
24:00
Speaker 1: even heard of that before, about checking your cervix, and
24:03
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's I have lots of friends
24:06
Speaker 1: who are currently pregnant, so I hope that they listen
24:09
Speaker 1: to this segment because some of them are literally at
24:13
Speaker 1: the long haul. One is due at the end of September.
24:16
Speaker 1: So yes, you know, there's so many different things that
24:20
Speaker 1: are coming up today, even postpartum. I just saw something
24:23
Speaker 1: again about postpartum depression for a lot of women. So
24:27
Speaker 1: Doctor mar this has truly been a beautiful conversation. And again,
24:32
Speaker 1: I thank you so much for coming on the show,
24:34
Speaker 1: and please keep us in mind if there's any new endeavors,
24:38
Speaker 1: if you're an event that you're hosting for remembering you know,
24:42
Speaker 1: Angel Grace, please let us know for next year so
24:46
Speaker 1: we can possibly come and attend in person.
24:48
Speaker 2: Okay, oh, that would be wonderful. Thank you so much.
24:50
Speaker 2: I truly appreciate it, and thank you for sharing this
24:53
Speaker 2: on the platform because I think that it also speaks
24:57
Speaker 2: to organizations and the work that I do with helping
24:59
Speaker 2: you them create resilient organizational systems so that you know,
25:04
Speaker 2: women who are dealing with this can also feel supported
25:06
Speaker 2: in the workplace because it's real and it's a lot
25:09
Speaker 2: on a professional note and personal. So I appreciate you
25:12
Speaker 2: having this on the platform.
25:14
Speaker 1: Yes, and as we know, there's so many different changes
25:18
Speaker 1: happening right now, especially conversations around time off during seasons
25:23
Speaker 1: of grief, right and that's a conversation for a whole
25:27
Speaker 1: nother day. Well, everybody that was doctor mar that you
25:32
Speaker 1: heard from today on this episode of grew a Portie.
25:35
Speaker 1: And that concludes our conversation for today and until next time.
25:38
Speaker 1: Everybody piece in Hairy Greece.
25:39
Speaker 2: Everyone,