Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 51. The Midlife Edit with Shannon Blas - Part 2

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51. The Midlife Edit with Shannon Blas - Part 2 · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here on A Heart that Beats for Home, excited to have you back with us for a two-part.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: This is part two.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: With my dear friend Shannon Blass.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We got to hear last week all about menopause and the hormones and some of the stuff that's happening in our bodies.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: So if you are just tuning in and you haven't listened to last week, I want to encourage you to go back and take a listen to that and then come join us back here for part two, where we're jumping into kind of the last modules in a course that Shannon wrote called the Midlife Edit, and we're going to jump in today to more conversation just about embracing the season of life when our kids are gone, what that looks like to have adult children, how to do that well and in a way that attracts them to us, not pushes them away.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm excited to have you joining us here.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: So, shannon, thank you for being back here for a second week.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's so fun.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you for asking me to come back.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love that this podcast allows me to feel like I'm just getting to have coffee with all my girlfriends and talk about all the things that we know the whole world needs to know about.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: So we talked last week a lot about hormones and how to manage that and different resources, about hormones and how to manage that and different resources.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: But now let's get to the place where we're going to deal with, kind of now, if we're working on our hormones and we're working on our mindset and we're taking action, because you said right, the two things you have to do is get on some hormones and take action.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: So now let's get into this action part.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: What has it looked like for you to kind of redefine your life Now your sun is off?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear a little bit about what that relationship looks like now for you guys and how your involvement has changed and how it's still a super sweet, precious relationship that I know you and Jacob have, and then just what it has meant for you.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: What are you chasing after?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: What's filling your days and what's giving you kind of a new passion?
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I know last week you mentioned that you never, ever want your kids to be worried about you or feel bad about you.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I think about that a lot.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want my kids to be like, well, when I leave, mom's not going to know what to do with herself, or she always talks about how sad it is that we're leaving.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I want my kids to see me thriving, which is one of the reasons I even started the podcast was I have to have these things that are going to keep me going when my kids have left.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Kind of talk us through that stage of life for you and where it has led you.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's such a great topic because, you know, what I had to kind of do was start to look at what I enjoyed again, because we went through such seasons of busy life, you know, raising our kids, doing the college thing like I talked about last week, um, where we traveled with our son's team and we just we kind of had our own college experience as well.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: And then when he moved home, um, for a couple of of years just to save and all of that, that's when I started to really notice, where I kind of shifted back into like mom role, because he was back in our house but yet he had been on his own for four years away in college in another state.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: And I think that's when I kind of started digging in because I could tell that, you know, if I, if I went back to parenting him like I did when he was in high school, that was no longer who he was and I needed to empower him to make his own decisions, to be independent.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: And, like we had said in the past podcast, we moved from our bigger home where we raised him to a, you know, 1500 square foot condo, so there wasn't like we had our own little spaces in our house that we could go to.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: But I think it was there at that point where I just felt like I wanted him to see I had a life outside of him.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: And so what I started to do?
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Again because I am an entrepreneur, I work from home, I have an online business, just like Nikki.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: I'm not away at an office every day.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I don't get up at the same time every day.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: I don't have like a set schedule and I kind of did when he was around, but now I don't and so I decided that I just needed to really organize my days.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: So I needed to get up.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: I needed to get up early there.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: One of my favorite books of all time is called the Miracle Morning.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: If you've never read it, I highly recommend it.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: You will get so much done in the mornings.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Have a purpose to get out of bed, really focus on the things that you know.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like we have such a clear mind in the morning.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: So when he would get up, he would see me.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I mean, he had seen that for years, cause I started that when he was like in middle school.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: But for him to see that I had a life, I was going to go and do this exercise class.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I was going to go and meet friends, I was working on a project, I was learning, I was reading books, I was listening to podcasts.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: I was doing all the things to grow me and I think I got motivated by him seeing me do that.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: So I didn't.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: You know, kids see your actions.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: They don't necessarily hear your words.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: They do, but your actions always speak louder than words.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: So we can tell our kids that they should be doing all these things or giving them adult advice.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: But how are you showing up as an adult?
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: What are you doing to grow you?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: We have high expectations for our kids, but if they're watching us and we're just complaining, doing the same thing and just nagging on them or living life through them, that doesn't do anything to help them grow.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: So I think that was kind of my start of like really redefining this chapter.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: What do my days look like?
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: What do I want him to see me doing?
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: And then, when he moved out, it's so sweet because he gets up early in the morning, he reads books, he journals, he's doing you know his exercises.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, he's always been an athlete, but still, when you're not in an organized sport.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: He's even talked about that like to keep up the motivation to, you know, do all the workouts and things like that.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: He doesn't really want to do the same thing he used to do, so he's had to create a new, a new workout schedule that he likes.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: That involves completely different things.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: So I think that was kind of the start of it.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: And then you know, we just we are kind of the same human in a weird way.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: My husband will say that a lot Jacob and I have a lot in common.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: We have a lot of the same thoughts and ways that we do life.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: So now we've just become really good friends.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: He confides in me, I confide in him, but I also give him space.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: He's in an amazing relationship.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: His fiance is someone I just adore.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: I am so grateful that they found each other, and so I never want to be the overbearing mom to them or the mom that's giving them unsolicited advice or just any of that just doesn't feel good.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: So I think I have an awareness around it and I'm just doing the best I can to show up in that way, right, the best you can.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: And I often tell my kids I'm like you have to understand that you're being a 23-year-old or whatever for the first time and I'm parenting a 23-year-old for the first time.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So, although I've been a parent for a really long time, every stage is new and it's us trying to figure it out and go like, oh yep, that worked or that clearly didn't work, and adjust accordingly and giving each other a ton of grace, knowing that we're all navigating new stages.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I love what you said, shannon, when you said our kids will see our actions more than they'll hear our words, and I think that that is true.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: It's like anything in life you are going to follow someone who lives out what they say, right, it's not just someone that's wordsmithing all over you and then not doing anything.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: That's probably one of the most annoying traits that you can find in a person.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: And so, as a parent, to realize like we don't get the out because we're in this stage of life, that feels hard or different, to just totally give up when we're trying to motivate our kids to go and do all of these huge things that they're trying to pursue at this young stage.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: So I love.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: That.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: That's so great.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: So then, how did you so?
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You're getting your day organized, you're making it known that mom has a life.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: What were some of the things that you started to do?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Now that you have more time and you're not so focused on being a parent who's taking care of the tangible needs and it's more of a friendship with your son, what are the things that you started to pick up, to kind of take on as your own in this next stage?
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: I have kind of a set rule for myself that really helps and every day I have an appointment scheduled, whether it's a lunch with someone, it's a coffee appointment.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: It's getting out of my house so that I need to get up, get ready, be out doing something.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: I also need to get my work done too, so that's part of it.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: But it's kind of building in a social life that's not so wrapped around your kids, because I think my social life was so ingrained in you know, my business is very social but also, being a sport mom Like you, spend hours and hours with those people and those families, and so when that went away I was like how can I fill this gap?
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: So I just have gotten involved in.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: You know I play pickleball, do yoga, do walks with friends.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I always have a coffee appointment, like probably two to three times a week with someone just to catch up with them.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I do, I make a lot of effort just to stay in touch with people that I know when I leave that coffee I'm going to feel good, cause you know how sometimes you can leave a coffee and you feel empty and you're just like, oh my gosh, that was exhausting and not that I had don't have time for that.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I don't mean it in that way.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I just mean I'm very mindful of who I meet and then you know, just writing my journal and then creating this course was super fun for me because it really helped me dig into what I wanted and I realized for me kind of Nikki you were saying this in the last podcast Nikki and I were doers.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: I'm an achiever Like I want to do things and so I.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: One of the things that kind of happened in this midlife life edit is just randomly, I had a friend asked me to come in and design her Airbnb and so it was starting from scratch.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: It was super fun.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: I did that.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Then she asked me to do her house and kind of refresh her house with some decor and I was like, okay, this is kind of fun.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Then her friend asked me to do hers after that it's a friend of a friend and I was like, oh my gosh, maybe this is that other little thing that I could do, that I could do on my terms, maybe have a project every month or every couple months just for something fun, and I am excited about it, and so to be able to have lunch with my son and tell him that I have this new little thing that I might start.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: That's just a hobby, but it's also a passion, because I don't know if you know this, nikki, but I started way back when, before I went to school, to be a dietitian.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I actually graduated from high school and went to interior design school and then in my second quarter my professor basically said you know, I think that you have a talent, but I want to be honest with you.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: You're probably working in a furniture store, being that you're going to graduate at 20 years old doing this, and I just thought that's not what I see for my life.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I want like a big life.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: And so I kind of put that on the back burner.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: And that came forward during this midlife life.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Edit that I do love to do this.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I don't necessarily want it as a career, but what if I had this little side gig?
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: So it's just stuff like that that starts to happen.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: And then because now when we go to lunch or I'm talking to my son, I have things to talk about, not just like the past.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: So that's kind of the way.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: It's sort of morphed and I don't really know what I'm doing either.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: I've never had a 25-year-old son until now, right, so I love what you said.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: This is the first time I'm doing this, so I'm just trying to figure it out as I go.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: And then you've never been a mother-in-law and you'll figure that as you go.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: And I think humility and a teachable spirit through it also is so good for our kids to see, even now walking through menopause.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: I remember at one stage, like a year ago, I just there was so much going on in our house my husband's traveling, I have a hormonal 14-year-old boy who's up and down and I've got, you know, a 22-year-old who's trying to get internships and is graduating and trying to go to PA school, and so there's a lot of emotions and anxiety around that.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: And then I've got a 20-year-old who's in nursing school and burnt out and overwhelmed and has some anxiety.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm also right in this stage where I'm on this massive hormonal roller coaster.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: But as the mom, we're expected to ride all the roller coasters with everybody else's emotions.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: But mom is supposed to be like a flatline, steady Eddie emotions.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: And I had to have a conversation and say listen, guys, I don't like to admit that I'm struggling also.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling some anxiety, I'm feeling some overwhelm and I think not being so stubborn because that can be a part of who I am, like I've got it together and being able to admit, at this stage of life too, I feel overwhelmed, but I'm really trying to figure this out and I need you guys to give me the same grace that I'm giving you I need to be called out when I'm out of line but the same grace and being able to have that honest conversation with your family and then watching them, watch you find these new passions and be excited with you, in the same way that we get so excited when our family maybe walks through some highs and lows and then gets through it and figures it out and is thriving.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: And so I just I think it's so important to be honest with our family and our kids and to be teachable as we learn these new stages and as we walk these new stages with them.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: We haven't really talked.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Shannon, first of all, I did not know that you ever went to design school, so that's super fun that that has come full circle.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I told Jed the other day don't be surprised if at any moment, you come home and there's like a full-blown pottery studio anywhere in our house or a kiln in the basement, because I think I'm going to do that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I'm watching one of my friends in this same stage of life who I know.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You know Kelly, that is like immersing herself into pottery, and I'm like I could just spend a lot of time in an art studio, I think.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: So it's fun to find these things that have always been there, but we just couldn't, at different stages, commit the time that would have made it make sense.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Sense, we haven't talked, shannon, a whole lot about you and Abe, so I don't know if you're willing to kind of have this conversation about how has that relationship changed through these different stages and how have you been able to manage and communicate to him kind of what's going on.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: As I know a lot of husbands can be like Whoa, what you know, what aliens came and took over my wife's body.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: How have you navigated this stage being a wife?
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Well, it's funny.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: When you just said that, something popped into my head.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: This makes me laugh.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I can't remember the name of the book, but it was one of the first books I read about menopause and there was a section in it where it listed all the symptoms of menopause and it was literally like three columns of symptoms.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: And we were sitting at the beach one day and I was reading this book and I said to him and I don't remember the exact conversation, but I said something like okay, I just want to read to you sort of some of the symptoms that I might have in this stage.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: And I went through and read I mean literally it must've been like 75 symptoms.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: We were both laughing so hard at the end of it.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: And I go now.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Do you understand why I randomly just could start crying over nothing and you're asking me what's wrong?
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Or I might be short, or I might just not be in a very good mood, like this is what's happening to my body.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: And you as a male, I know you go through different things, but nothing like what we go through, right.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: So so a lot of times I will use that list as like a joke.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: I'll be like so remember that list I showed you and I'm like I'm feeling a lot of those right now, you know, and so then it makes it kind of funny.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: But I have known my husband, you know, and so then it makes it kind of funny.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: But I have known my husband.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: We have been together since we were 20 years old and so we have been together for 34 years now and we have been through all kinds of seasons, and I think one of the things that we have done well is our communication, and I think that stems back from doing a four year long distance when we first started dating.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And I think that's my biggest thing is like tell them how you feel, even if, like I've all randomly be out walking and on a beautiful day and just feel really sad and just like break out crying and I'm like what is wrong with me, and I can just tell them you know, I don't know, this isn't you, this isn't anything in particular, it's just how my emotions feel right now.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: So I think you know we I have good communication.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, though, it's weird, cause when you're in the state of it all, you just feel kind of bitchy.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I can say that, but I think I can say that Cause that's a true, true description and and you just kind of can be present in that moment.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: But if you've had conversations before, that he's going to understand what's going on.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: The other thing that I think we need to really understand in this stage is it's not up to your husband to make you happy.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: It's not up to your husband to do the things that you feel like you need in your life.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: It's up to you and it's also how you want to be treated.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: You need to treat your husband because they're going to reciprocate.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: So if you're, you know, not talking, you're just kind of shutting down.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: You're just, you know, grumpy all the time, all those things, don't be surprised if that's how they are back to you.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: They're just kind of modeling what you're doing.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: So, again, I think that's part of you know, communicating understanding.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: If you're doing so, again, I think that's part of communicating understanding.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: If you're reading and the podcast that you were talking about, nikki, where it just focuses a lot on what's going on with your hormones, then you can communicate it with so much more clarity.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: It doesn't make it go away, but at least they understand you're not just choosing to and when we consider that we feel like we don't have the resources to know what's going on.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine how it must feel for a man who's like I feel like I married somebody that's like you know for me to hear Jed say I know, I talked about it last week on the podcast Like, if I could just sum up how I think you are acting, you just always seem like you're annoyed and I'm like that is the.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I can see that.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: I can see that you would say that, because when you look through like and again, it's just an overflow of the overwhelm and the brain fog and the not sleeping happening that just seems like, well, this person doesn't want to be around me and so I'm just going to distance myself, which then feeds into this cycle of I really need you to draw close to me, but instead you're responding to my being annoying and pulling away.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: It can be this vicious cycle and some of the statistics about divorce through menopause are staggering and it's because the woman has no idea what to do and the man is like I just don't want to be a part of this.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: This is not fun.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: And so just the importance of you know, you said it communication.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe we can find that list and link that resource, because that does make it funny when you can laugh about it or it's validating, like I keep looking for.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I literally was Googling as we were getting ready to get on the podcast.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: What can I tell my husband to help him understand menopause?
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I would just say I will find that list for you and I will take screenshots of it and if we can upload it as a link, because it will like if, if your husband looks at that or you read it together, it's a whole conversation.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: It's actually kind of comical because it is so many things, and then you could even go through it and you could say I'll tell you the ones I felt so he could read it, and then you could say yep or nope or yep, and then they're like oh my gosh, it's not you saying it, it's actually a book that's saying these are the things, right?
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: So third-party validation, a book that's saying these are the things right.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: So third-party validation, so maybe your next writing project?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: We all were obsessed with what to expect when you're expecting, what to expect in the early years, and I remember reading those books like they were the Bible of parenting and pregnancy.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Maybe your next book is what to expect when you're menopausing.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Is that even a word?
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, we can make it one.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we can make it one.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I was going to say too.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Just one last thing on.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: That is one of the things that we have implemented because we have time now and because we're not feeding the family and all those things is we're pretty good to do after dinner walks and I know we do live in Southern California so our weather is a little bit different but if there, if, if you can implement that at least part of the year, because I think sometimes when we just come home and we sit down and we just turn on Netflix or whatever, there's just no communication.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: But if you're out actually walking together, even if it's like a quick 15, 20 minute walk after dinner it doesn't have to be some huge walk Then you're forced to just even if you're walking in silence and hold your husband's hand like put your hand in their pocket or whatever you know just have that quality time together.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: And it doesn't necessarily mean that you know, like I said, you're having this in-depth conversation, but fill each other other in on your day, have time to just connect, and it's so good for you, just like physically from the standpoint of digestion and hormones and helping you sleep better and all that.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: But that's probably one of my favorite new habits that we do now that there's no way we would have done that when Jacob was home.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: We're not going to leave him and leave the house and you know there was just too much going on.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: So that's a really nice way to kind of connect.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: I think in adding to that too, I love that and I love just that, even in this stage of life, my functional doctor has said, if you can, just every time you eat breakfast, lunch and dinner either here and you know Shannon's sitting literally looking at the beach and the waves, and we are here with no school today because it feels like negative 30 degrees out, but in the Midwest guys, we can have walking paths right If we can't be outside.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: But my functional doctor has said, if you take 10 minutes after every meal and just walk for 10 minutes, what that will do to your cortisol levels, to your blood sugar levels.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: So when you can combine some of these things like Shannon's saying, and now go take a walk with your spouse after dinner, maybe it's around the block, maybe you can go longer if you have kids at home still that are older.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: But I think it's also important to add to that.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: We can get so stuck in having conversations about household management conversations, and those don't always, I mean, they're important conversations that need to happen, but I find that we have to work really hard to have conversations that don't involve our kids, our finances, a to-do list Instead of asking about the car repairs that just got done?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Or hey, do I need to pay the credit card bill, or did you do it?
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Or you know what are we going to do this weekend?
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: Are you going to drive him?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Am I going to drive him?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Just very much, those feel like business interactions and it can get very, very easy, especially we haven't even talked on this as things change with libido and just your brain being all over the place when you start to just kind of function more.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I'm listening to a book called Reconnected going from roommates to soulmates in marriage and just how, especially in this stage, you can wake up one day and go.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: You know what.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: We're actually operating a little bit more like roommates than we are like soulmates and being intentional about.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: We're not gonna talk about the to-do list and the kids and the finances Like.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: We're gonna ask questions like what was the high of your day, what's stressing you out, what was exciting for you today at work?
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Tell me about something you're working on, all those things that we used to ask when we were dating.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: We don't have those kind of conversations as naturally and so that's something that I'm really working on in my relationship is being willing to put aside the stuff that's going to get talked about, that you can talk about in front of the kids and across the kitchen counter while you're cleaning up, and take those times when you do have the two of you together to get a little bit deeper and to connect so that you do have a connection outside of like he's my roommate and I'm kind of annoyed that his clothes are on the floor or he was a little bit late.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: It's just, it's a totally different tone when you can walk away from some of those conversations and get a little deeper.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: So I love, love the thing of either having that walk at night or maybe it means getting up early and having the first cup of coffee together, without kids or before everything gets going, but just taking that time.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: So, shannon, we've talked about a lot.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of how I want to ask these questions to wrap this up.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: First of all, what is kind of the one hope that you have, that people that have hopefully tuned into both episodes that they would kind of take away as an aha moment from just walking into this stage of perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause?
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, you know, I think my hope is that women just feel empowered and feel inspired to say like, oh my gosh, what if I made this next chapter of my life One of the best chapters of my life?
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: What if?
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: And instead of just settling for you know all the things, that you're the one who didn't settle, and you started to really focus on the areas of your life that you wanted to improve, or maybe not even improve, just sort of be I don't even know how to say it it's almost like just empowered to change it.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: So, just like you said, reading that book, you probably wouldn't have read that book when the kids were little.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: But you're starting to see signs of things like are we just like roommates or are we soulmates?
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Do I want to make my marriage better?
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Do I want to actually put effort into how I feel physically, how I'm showing up with my marriage, that I'm actually kind of digging in and defining this empty nesting chapter of you.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Know you're going to start get a pottery wheel in your house, Like how cool is that?
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Or even to your point of getting a walking treadmill, like what if you got one of those?
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Those are amazing.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: If I didn't live here, I would 100% have one of those, because I sit a lot with some of the work that I do and it's like if you don't move your body, you're not feeling good.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: I guess my hope is that women feel empowered, that they listen to this and go.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: I am going to make some changes, and don't think you need to change everything at once.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: I say that in my course.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like you can power through all these modules and then go back to them and do the action steps with each module, or do them one at a time and take a couple of the action steps in each one, or look at them and just go through and think, okay, this is what I really want to work on.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Let's start with my house.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Or let's start with my nutrition.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Or let's start with my mindset my mindset's been terrible lately or let's start with the empty nesting thing, because I am having such a hard time with that.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: And again, you're not alone in any of these things that you're feeling.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: I hope that's another thing is that people don't feel alone and that they're going to openly talk about how they're feeling, because once you start talking with your friends number one you're going to see that they feel the exact same way.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Number two you can share resources and you can inspire each other as well.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: So I think I have a lot of hope for people to just I want our generation to make fifties and sixties the next 30 and forties.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I just want us to live empowered and I want people to go.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you are your age with the energy you have.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: If we can give people more energy, more clarity and peace and joy in their life, that's.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: What other way do you want to live then?
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: And then you show up so different for those you love too.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Really, it comes down to taking ownership and having accountability.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: So what's going to happen in this stage of life?
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: You have to own that and you have to take accountability Because, like we've talked about, nobody else your spouse, your children, nobody can make these changes for you.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: So it's really taking that ownership and digging in and creating that, and I love that.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: You say 50s and 60s can be the next 30s and 40s, and I think that is more possible than ever because we have the resources.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: We have this crazy thing called the World Wide Web where we can have access to doctors and information and resources and podcasts and books and classes like the midlife edit, all of these different things that we have access.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: There's no excuses to not make change.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: There's no excuses and if you have the excuses, you're going to stay stuck Right and so something that's just so great.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: So we have so many resources that we are going to link the lists, the books, the podcast, the doctors, all of the things to kind of encourage you to just start taking some steps.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: So, shannon, if people want to get ahold of your journal thriving to 50 and beyond and to take advantage of this awesome midlife edit module course, where can they find you?
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: You know, the easiest thing to do is just go to Shannonblasscom.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: It's my website and I have those on there.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: And then I also have just a free midlife weekly newsletter that you can sign up for, and it's just I pick random topics every week that are kind of within this whole spectrum of what we're talking about, so you can sign up for that as well, and that's the easiest.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: And then on Instagram I'm just Shannon.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I'm Shannon Blass everywhere.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: That's just.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: I don't have any fancy names, it's just my first and last name.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: So Instagram and my website are the two best resources.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: We'll make sure to link all of those in the show notes as well.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: So this has been such a fun conversation.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Shannon, I'm so grateful to have people like you in my life.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: You guys, it is so important who you surround yourself with.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I know Shannon touched on.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: You can leave the presence of somebody and feel maybe really drained or really encouraged and inspired to make a difference, and Shannon is somebody who has, 100% of the time that I have been with her, been someone who just brings so much joy and encouragement.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: She is just a little ray of sunshine.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: You need to go check her out just so you can see how darling she is.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I always call her my little Polly Pocket.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: If I could just put Shannon Blass in my pocket, she's about that size.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: She's just a little peanut.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: So much fun.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: And her and her husband, Abe, both are just two amazing, amazing humans and it's just been fun to watch you evolve and to be able to really walk right beside you.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: You're a few years ahead of me but with kids and sports and graduations and you just inspire me so much.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I am excited I'm going to be purchasing the midlife edit to work through because it's so much of what I'm going through myself and just to have a friend that is there on the journey is so exciting, so be sure to check the show notes, Shannon.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Any last words before we sign off today.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: Well, I just want to give a shout out to you, nikki, and what you're doing with this podcast and just your life and just the message that you're bringing to all these women and your listeners.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, your work is incredible and you are.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: I feel the exact same way about you.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: I feel so grateful to have you in my life and this has been super fun.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: So thank you for letting me share and continue doing the work that you're doing as well.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Well, thanks, shannon, and I'm sure we'll have lots more over the years that we can continue to come back here and talk about.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: So, friends, thanks so much for being here.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: I am excited just to be bringing you guests that can help you just to do life a little bit better.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Each day we always hear about the 1% better, and maybe this whole topic feels super overwhelming to you and you feel like I am so far in the ditch I can't even see how I would get out of this.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Just commit to 1% better.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Take the walk, drink the water, eat the green vegetable, put some more protein in your body, start to do the small things that over time, have a huge compound effect.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Just watch the way that you're able to handle and conquer.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Start to take that power back.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: That in this stage.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: A lot of times we feel like we've lost, and so this has just been a fun conversation.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here with us, friends.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: And so this has just been a fun conversation.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here with us, friends, and until next week, take care.