Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 310. Why You Control Under Pressure | What Happens When Uncertainty Hits
Transcript
- 0:00Kathie (2): Pressure just hit the building.
- 0:01Kathie (2): Nobody planned for it, nobody expected it, but now it's here.
- 0:07Kathie (2): The deal fell through.
- 0:08Kathie (2): The phone rang at 2:00 in the morning.
- 0:11Kathie (2): Your spouse says,"We need to talk." Your child is two hours late coming home.
- 0:17Kathie (2): A client walks away.
- 0:19Kathie (2): Your investment drops.
- 0:20Kathie (2): An opportunity disappears.
- 0:23Kathie (2): Pressure just hit the building.
- 0:28Kathie (2): Now, let me ask you a question.
- 0:29Kathie (2): What does your nervous system do next?
- 0:32Kathie (2): Does it get quiet, or does your mind immediately go to work?
- 0:36Kathie (2): What do I do?
- 0:37Kathie (2): How do I fix this?
- 0:38Kathie (2): Who do I call?
- 0:39Kathie (2): What if this doesn't work?
- 0:41Kathie (2): What if I lose this opportunity?
- 0:43Kathie (2): How do I make this happen?
- 0:46Kathie (2): Here's what I've been observing.
- 0:48Kathie (2): Our minds think they're helping.
- 0:50Kathie (2): They think they're being efficient.
- 0:52Kathie (2): They think they're solving a problem.
- 0:54Kathie (2): But many times they're doing something much deeper.
- 0:58Kathie (2): They're trying to eliminate uncertainty, and one of the most common ways we do that is through control.
- 1:08Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast.
- 1:11Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen.
- 1:12Kathie (2): I'm a leadership consultant, author, speaker, and lifelong student of psychology and human behavior.
- 1:19Kathie (2): For more than 20 years, I've been fascinated by one question: What do human beings do when pressure hits the room?
- 1:29Kathie (2): Because pressure has a way of revealing things we never notice when life feels easy.
- 1:34Kathie (2): Not because we're broken, not because we're weak, because pressure reveals patterns, and today I wanna talk about one of the most common patterns I observe, control.
- 1:48Kathie (2): Before we go any further, I wanna be really clear about something.
- 1:52Kathie (2): This episode is not about controlling people.
- 1:56Kathie (2): It's about something much more subtle.
- 1:58Kathie (2): It's about moments when uncertainty enters our lives, and our nervous systems quietly begin searching for certainty.
- 2:06Kathie (2): Think about that for just a moment.
- 2:08Kathie (2): How many times have you caught yourself replaying a conversation, refreshing your email, checking your phone again just in case?
- 2:18Kathie (2): Trying to predict what someone else is gonna say, rehearsing tomorrow's meeting, planning every possible outcome.
- 2:25Kathie (2): Most of us don't call that control.
- 2:28Kathie (2): We call it thinking.
- 2:30Kathie (2): But what if it isn't?
- 2:33Kathie (2): What if your nervous system is simply trying to make uncertainty disappear?
- 2:38Kathie (2): I want you to picture driving through dense fog.
- 2:41Kathie (2): You can't see very far ahead.
- 2:44Kathie (2): What's the first thing most people do?
- 2:47Kathie (2): They grip the steering wheel tighter.
- 2:49Kathie (2): We've all done it.
- 2:50Kathie (2): Now, here's the interesting question: Does squeezing the steering wheel make the fog disappear?
- 2:57Kathie (2): Of course not.
- 2:58Kathie (2): It simply feels like we're doing something.
- 3:01Kathie (2): That's what control often looks like.
- 3:05Kathie (2): It gives us the feeling of certainty without actually creating certainty.
- 3:13Kathie (2): One of the people who has deeply influenced my thinking is Michael Singer.
- 3:18Kathie (2): He is the author of The Untethered Soul and the Surrender Experiment.
- 3:23Kathie (2): His work centers on a simple but profound idea.
- 3:27Kathie (2): Much of our suffering doesn't come from life itself.
- 3:30Kathie (2): It comes from resisting life.
- 3:35Kathie (2): Reality has already happened, but our minds continue arguing with it.
- 3:40Kathie (2): "This shouldn't be happening." There's that word, should.
- 3:45Kathie (2): "This is not fair.
- 3:47Kathie (2): I've gotta fix this.
- 3:48Kathie (2): I've gotta make this work." The resistance often becomes heavier than the event itself.
- 3:56Kathie (2): When I first started reading his work, something clicked for me.
- 3:59Kathie (2): I realized that many of the moments I thought I was problem-solving, I was actually resisting uncertainty.
- 4:10Kathie (2): Then I discovered Reality Transurfing many years ago.
- 4:14Kathie (2): It's a series of books by Russian author Vadim Zeland.
- 4:18Kathie (2): Reality Transurfing introduces a fascinating concept called excess potential.
- 4:25Kathie (2): Excess potential is created when we give one outcome so much importance that it throws us out of balance.
- 4:33Kathie (2): The opportunity becomes more important than our peace.
- 4:36Kathie (2): The relationship becomes more important than our presence.
- 4:40Kathie (2): The answer becomes more important than our awareness.
- 4:46Kathie (2): The more attached we become, the tighter we grip.
- 4:49Kathie (2): The tighter we grip, the less clearly we can see.
- 4:53Kathie (2): When I first learned about excess potential, I immediately recognized it in myself, not because I was trying to control people, because I was trying to control outcomes, and there is a difference.
- 5:08Kathie (2): And here's what I've been observing lately.
- 5:10Kathie (2): The moment I catch myself trying to control something, I don't ask,"How do I stop controlling?" Instead, I ask,"What is my nervous system trying to protect right now?" That one question changes everything because now I'm observing instead of reacting.
- 5:31Kathie (2): Maybe my nervous system is trying to protect certainty.
- 5:35Kathie (2): Maybe it's trying to protect approval.
- 5:37Kathie (2): Maybe it's trying to protect my identity.
- 5:41Kathie (2): Maybe it's trying to protect me from disappointment.
- 5:45Kathie (2): I don't know.
- 5:46Kathie (2): And honestly, I don't have to know immediately.
- 5:49Kathie (2): I simply observe.
- 5:51Kathie (2): That observation creates awareness, and awareness creates choice.
- 5:58Kathie (2): I've also noticed something else.
- 6:01Kathie (2): Flow doesn't happen because life becomes predictable.
- 6:04Kathie (2): Flow happens when we stop fighting reality long enough to see it clearly.
- 6:09Kathie (2): When we loosen our grip, our vision widens.
- 6:12Kathie (2): We begin noticing possibilities that weren't visible when we were attached to only one outcome.
- 6:20Kathie (2): That does not mean we stop taking action.
- 6:23Kathie (2): It means our actions come from clarity instead of fear, from presence instead of panic, from observation instead of reaction.
- 6:37Kathie (2): So here's something I'd love for you to try this week.
- 6:39Kathie (2): The next time pressure enters your life, pause.
- 6:43Kathie (2): Take one slow, deep breath, then simply ask yourself,"What is my nervous system trying to protect right now?" Not, what do I do?
- 6:54Kathie (2): Not, how do I fix this?
- 6:56Kathie (2): Just observe.
- 6:58Kathie (2): Notice what your mind is reaching for.
- 7:00Kathie (2): Notice where your body tightens.
- 7:02Kathie (2): Notice your thoughts without judging them, because observation creates awareness, and awareness creates what?
- 7:11Kathie (2): It creates choice, and choice is where freedom begins.
- 7:17Kathie (2): If today's episode resonated with you, I've written a companion blog post that goes much deeper into this idea.
- 7:24Kathie (2): It includes additional examples, reflection questions, and bonus resources if you'd like to continue exploring this pattern.
- 7:33Kathie (2): You'll find a link to that in the show notes and description below, and if you're watching on YouTube, I'll pin it in the very first comment.
- 7:43Kathie (2): All right.
- 7:43Kathie (2): Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
- 7:46Kathie (2): Until next time, remember this: pressure will always enter the building.
- 7:51Kathie (2): The question isn't whether pressure will show up.
- 7:54Kathie (2): The question is, what will your nervous system do next?
- 7:58Kathie (2): And once you can observe that, everything begins to change.