Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #130: Or Am I Standing Still?

Transcript

Happy Hour #130: Or Am I Standing Still? · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and welcome to Stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I've Never told you, production of Buy Heeart Radio, and
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always, if
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: you are choosing to enjoy a beverage or whatever you're
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: choosing to do, please do so responsibly. Samantha, are you
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: sipping on anything?
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Water?
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Ice?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Cold water from our filter that was given to us
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: by a long time ago a sponsor.
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll miss them.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I do miss them. I won't say who they are
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: because they're not a current sponsor, but I actually have
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: red wine. It's been a minute since I've done this.
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: And since I got to sing that.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's classic. You've got thank you, thank
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: you for letting me. It's kind of appropriate because this
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: is not an Unhappy Hour. I wouldn't say I would
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: say it. We always go off the rails a little bit, yeah,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: but I don't think it is. But this one is.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to talk about changes because I feel
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: like there's a lot of changes. That's what I call
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: the title of They all want to see. We're on
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: the same page, I think. But before we get into that,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: we did want to mention if you've been listening to
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: our Sex and the City watch podcast. We are looking
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: to bring on a listener to come join us to
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: watch an episode, to have a conversation. It's really fun.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: It's not difficult. You don't want to prepare anything.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Really.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: All you need is an internet connection, preferably headphones and
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: our super producer Christina will walk you through it. We're
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: looking to do that kind of soon. So if you
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: want to enter, please do to everyone who already has,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: we have collected your names. Ye, but yeah, if you
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: would like to hang out, you don't, You've never had to.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: If you've never seen the show, I haven't either, So
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: with me. If you've only seen it a couple of times,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: you're fine. If you've seen it a million times, Samantha
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: and you.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: Company exactly company anyway, Yes, in company, Yes, But yeah,
• 2:28
  Speaker 5: I do want to talk about some changes because I
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: feel right now a lot of people in my life
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: are going through like significant changes and not bad, not
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: bad at all.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: But I had a friend visit me recently who hadn't
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: seen in quite a while, and he was like, so,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: what's up? And I was like, mm, same old, same old,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: stressed with work, Like oh, it's the same story, Like
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I always give, and it just gave me kind of
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: a moment of I feel like I'm staying in a
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: stagnant position where I have like so many friends who
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: are getting like new jobs, they're getting houses, they're moving,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: like they're doing all of these things, and I don't think,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: like I'm not sitting here miserable that I'm like where
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I am. But I was wondering if you've ever experienced
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: a Samantha Sometimes when like everyone else around you is
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: making a change, I feel like I need to make
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: a change, right.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: No, No, I feel that I've definitely felt that a lot,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: because I feel like it's like something feels like I'm
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: being left behind. But on the other hand, some things
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: I feel like because it's other people are in chaotic
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: stages that I'm preparing for, so that feels just as
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: ominous because I'm like, if they're getting it, I'm going
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: to get it soon, like whatever it is. But like, yeah,
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: I think either way that like anticipation or that feeling
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: left behind or like left out, both of those things
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: can be like really really unnerving. But also you may
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: be filling their vibe, which makes you feel like you
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: may be getting those changes to or you should be
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: experiencing this similar to this.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it kind of harkens back to our very
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: first episode we did together officially as co host was
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: official official was are we failures? And you know, you
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: just have these like by this point, I should have
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: done this, By this point, I should have done this.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: And generally I feel pretty I've shaken off a lot
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: of that. Sometimes it comes back like a specter, but
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: generally I feel like, no, that's not for me. I
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: don't need to do that. But I don't know. There
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: was something about like having someone I haven't seen in
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: a while and just being like, O, yeah, same same place,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: same job, yeah, same, just the.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Same, which just talks about your reliability being at the
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: same job, because that's rare a b. I think that's
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: the part of me is like I just feel boring.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: And so because I went to a party or get
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: together with people that I haven't seen in a while,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: like it's been a long time and I just don't
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: hang out with people ever.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: And then so they were like, what have you been
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: up to?
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: After they're telling me their dramatic field whatever, and I'm
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: like nothing, you know, that's that's kind.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Of the end.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: And then they're like waiting, and because I don't have
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: the extroverted uh like effort to want to give you
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: more details and make up something or make it out,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, like it's just end notewhere. It just
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: becomes awkward and they're like, are you okay? Are you depressed?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Because of whatever you're doing is really on its own,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: but yeah, like I'm like a really, And then I
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: had to end up with a joke with like not seriously,
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: I have no wife, Like that's that's kind of like
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: the way it goes for me. And but I'm also
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: not a great storyteller, and I'm also sometimes so quiet spoken.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: I don't think I'm not quite spoken, but I guess
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I am that I get interrupted a lot where people
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: are like, oh my god, yeah, let me tell you,
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: and then their story is better.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: So I just quit talking.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: To the point that I made a comment to someone
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I guess I'm done well.
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: So those moments in.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Social settings make me feel like, yeah, there's nothing, like
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: my story's not going to top that. So I'm just
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: gonna sit here to stare at you because I don't
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: want to talk to you about my like invasion of
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: ants that just happened that I just sit there with
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: my windex and spray on like I don't but that's
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: my story.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I would watch that Olympic event. Oh yeah, I mean
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: that's actually that's a really great point in terms of
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: what I'm going through because I'm actually usually and I
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: apologize because I know I've done it. I'm that person
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: and that person that comes in it's like, what just happened, Yeah,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: you got a good story. Yeah, I usually have a
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: good story. So I feel like maybe I'm just not
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: used to being the one that's like, no, I'm nothing.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: This is what happens when you don't leave the house
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: anymore and you do what I do, which is like
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: I watched a new K drama or I watched the
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: same K drama that I like from like the fifth time.
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: So that's cool, right Yeah.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. For me, it's like, well, I write fan fiction
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: now and they're like, oh.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: I have more anxiety you will be telling you about.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I'm really anxious. That's gained a lot of ways.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: My mind goes back and forth of like I'm starting
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: to look old. What can I do to No? No,
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I have to be body positive, but oh, my god,
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: is that the story that you want?
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I mean a part of it was I was like,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: maybe I'm just getting older. I don't know. I think
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I had and I've talked about this at lengths several podcasts.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I am a big people pleaser. I try not to
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: do it, but I'm a big people pleaser. But I
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: also was somebody that like show up at the party
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, Oh, I got this story. We're gonna
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: do this, We're gonna do this. And this was a
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: real Oh no, I'm tired. Tell me about you. You
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: do it.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: You tell me about you, tell me what you're going through.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: That's the thing, is, like I think because I you
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: included have great storytelling like incident happening friends that I
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: don't have to. I can be the listener and I'm
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: the one that's got the questions, Like I will ask
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: you the questions and keep that story going. But for
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: me on my own is really doesn't go well. Even
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: to the fact when I was having a melodramatic incident
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: and I say melodramatic where I had a lot of
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: deaths and sickness is in the family.
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: I saw that same group of.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: Friends and like I finally told them what was happening
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: about back to back to back the incidents, and then
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: as I was sitting with them, I got a text
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: about another family member dying and passing on and I
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: had to joke. I was like, welp, that was another whatever,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: and they totally ignore me because they were uncomfortable by
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: the fact that I added on to that story. And
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: then I said, y'all hear me, and they were like, oh,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: we heard you.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: And then we did.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: So even when I do have something, I get that
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: response and maybe I'm really bad about the delivery, which
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: could be the case like, which could be the case
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: like which is not voting well as a podcaster, I
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: guess since we are actually kind of in that field,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: y'all tell me.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: But like that kind.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Of happened in that realm and that I was like,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: but the way they responded it wasn't mean. It was
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: like it matched my energy and we kind of laughed.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: But it's a still way.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's about right, right.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I don't know if that's just like the roles that
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: we change into or become or whatever whatnot, because like
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: what as you do less literally less going out I'm
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: not dating anyone new, We're not moving into a different
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: stage in our relationship, which I've been kind of like
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: low key offended that nobody's asking you don't like people like,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: you know, bother you about those next stage, like, well,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: you've been together for this long.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: Nobody, even though I.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Don't want to in my answer, would like I've had
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: my answer ready. I'm like, oh no, no, I don't,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: like I'm not an interest in making Maybe I've said
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: it for so long that people already know and don't
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: even bother to ask, even though because I was saying
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: it before I was even in a relationship, and like
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: it's just like stand stay true throughout. But I'm like,
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: now I'm starting to getting low key. IFNDA, then nobody's.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Asking I catch you, Like, there's like an annoyance that
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: people constantly ask that if there's someone that knows you,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: there's annoyance that they're like, well, what.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Do you think do you think I'm not good enough
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: for a wedding?
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Do you think I don't need to be a bride?
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Not really all right, just kidding it, but like there's
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: movie because I'm like that that would be that that's
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: that level of like technicity, is that a word that
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: made it word in which I've done that for me.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: I've done the house buying thing.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: So everything's somewhat normal now, though I'm very scared because
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I'm like, as the job market keeps getting worse and worse,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: and as like the economy is getting worse and worse,
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, Oh God, what's gonna happen to us?
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: That's kind of a little bit scary.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: The panic of the election and like what if our
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: rights are terminated to what the hell's going to happen
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: all of those things? What if they do take it
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: back to the nineteen fifties and they're like, you're a woman,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: you can't have property, you're not born in the US,
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: you can't own property, like any of those things. Which
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I say that partially sarcastic, but like with things like that,
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: but the level of like, Okay, I'm not necessarily I
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: don't have kids, that's not a priority in my life.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I'm not getting married, so that's not a priority. I
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: don't go out to parties unless I absolutely have to,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: and there's no way in hell I do more than
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: one event per every two weeks. Like I've definitely gotten
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: that to the size, like and my social out Like
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: my social outing is doing my cardio jam class with
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: my workout friends and that's it. Like that is my
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: and going to the grocery store, which I travel and
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: do a whole adventure too, Like I got a two
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: or three because I need to get things as specific places.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: I figured out that's an odd thing anyway. All that
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: to say is like, that's kind of the life I lead.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: So when you ask people who haven't seen you in
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: a while and you just sit.
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: There with the I've been at home with my dog
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: and my partner.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: M yep, yep. Well, And it was also like I'm
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: going to talk about this at the end, but this
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: was an interesting situation because it was someone who knew
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: me at a certain time in my life and I
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: think had this certain idea of me, and I played
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: into that idea for a while. And I my dad
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: was someone who was a big storyteller, like he was
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: a big personality, and I do that too. But I
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: think the difference is like going back to your story
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: where you're like, here's this sad thing. I'm like, here's
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the happiest thing. Like I'm trying to like because of
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: that people pleasing, I'm giving you the most ridiculous story.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Now have I gotten called out and been like you
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: could have died there in that story.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: Yes, it's usually my comment, Hell Annie, that's not normal.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Like this wasn't a fun story at all. But it's
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: like more of a like, I'm doing this thing to
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I do like telling stories. I don't want to say
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: that that's not true, but I'm doing it to make people.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: Happy, entertain people.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, and so if the sad thing comes out, that's
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: usually I just am crying in the middle of the
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: night and someone finds me, Like if that usually doesn't
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: come out. Ye, But that was like my whole thing
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: was for a while it was, Oh, she's going to
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: have a really wild story, go talk to her. And
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: so it's interesting because again I'm not I'm good, I'm happy.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not interested in impressing dudes anymore. Generally sometimes it
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: really weird said, but generally good. I don't know. It
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: was just like a it was a strange feeling to
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, no story, I'm good.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know, right, And I wonder, like again, like
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: the level of change that we have through COVID until
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: today and like the narrative and the environment has changed,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: like our outlook on what is happening. I'm going to
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: stop being too saded a minute, I problem shall but
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: like the reality is, it has become really really unpredictable.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: So when things are unpredictable and we are living in
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: constant stress mood. And we've talked about this in so
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: several different ways where we talked about different diagnosis or
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: different things that are like rearing its ugly head as
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: it's coming out with like, yeah, I might suffer from that,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: but like the fact is, like with that, I think
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: that changes our perspective on what we want to interact
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: with and how we want to relate that. And for me,
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: I thought about this too recently.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: It was like I don't care about entertaining people anymore.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I don't care about having friends that I don't really like,
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Like I am very, very tired of doing superficial and
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: I've always been that way anyway, but typically that didn't
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: stop me from trying to make something like more more meaningful.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: So I will like invest in you, I will try
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: to figure out what you're up to. And I still
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: do that partially, but more for people that I know
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: will reciprocate that to me, and like I will check
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: up on you. I like, as an adult in my
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: forties now, I don't talk to people every day. That's
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: not a narrative, but that's not a structure I've ever had.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Like I don't typically contact you, text you, call you
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: every day. I don't do that that sort of thing,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: and maybe two weeks before you hear from me unless
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: there's a reason. Like for you and I, we cannot
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: and talk every day during the week essentially, but the weekend,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: like unless we're together or planning something together. I'm like,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: she doesn't need any questions about work because it inevitably
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: leads to work. We're like, this should be a podcast
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: idea or whatever whatnot, So like leaving that alone. Even
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: though I still send you text me like hey, look
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: at this, or do you think about this? Or if
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: it's you know, Last of Us or Star Wars related,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: we definitely have those conversations, but like, I don't typically
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: do that even for my closest friends, people that I
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: call my best friends. I don't talk to my family
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: but once every two or three weeks. Like that is
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: kind of the way I communicate, which may not be great.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: But if I haven't heard from you within like with
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: a month or so, I'll give you a which, how
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: are you just checking in? If I know you are
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: in a stressful position, then I will check in on
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: you almost every week for sure. But I don't always
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: get that from people, like I'm usually the one that
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: starts the communication. Even with my closest friends. There's only
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: a couple of friends who do that to me, and
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh uh, But then I don't tell them
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: if something is wrong weirdly, and I never I definitely
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: will not reach out during my crisis moment unless it's
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: because I have to, like work related weirdly, even though
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: I would be mad at other people. And you've talked
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: about this too, Yeah, when they don't do that to me,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: like if you don't tell me you're going through something,
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I would be upset with you, right, But I don't
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: do that either because it's to my in my head,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: you're not going to care as much and it's not
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: your responsibility, like it's such a weird like dichotomy for me.
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: But again, with.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: All of that, that also means I'm putting in less
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: effort to entertain random people or even my friends.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I used to have what I probably terribly called the
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: list of neglect, and it just had my friends on there,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: and I would go through and I would be like,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: when was the last time you checked in on them?
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: It was a long list.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: You called it the list of me.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I called it the list of neglect.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Be on that list would make me sad just just
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: being on it, like what does that mean?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: It was more of a way of tracking, like you
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: haven't talked to this person in forever, you need to
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: check in on them.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Which I understand, still hers my feelings a little bit
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: to be on that. Don't put me on that list?
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Well I don't. It doesn't exist anymore because at a
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: certain point I was like, I don't know that these
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: people really cared that I checked in on them, Like
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I was doing all the work, as you're saying, and
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: maybe they maybe they never had noticed that I hadn't
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: checked in on them. It wasn't that they were mad
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: that I hadn't, And I was doing it more to
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: make myself feel better and make myself to validate myself
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: because see, people like me right because I do this.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: So the list of neglect is no more.
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: Uh, I will all be traumatic.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I do. You know what I do?
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: Oh man.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I will also say, like another part of this, and
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I feel a lot of people listening are going to
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: real late is I feel like I'm constantly waiting. When
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I started this job, I felt like I was waiting
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: to be fired. I still kind of feel that way,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: to be honest, I feel like I'm waiting for the election.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I'm waiting to hear about this house market. I'm waiting.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I'm waiting, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. And so like the
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: fact that my friends have are like buying houses, are
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: getting new jobs, it just makes me question this waiting.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And it could be I could just say, like, you
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: know what, I'm not waiting for anything. I'm good here
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: or I'm good here for now. But I feel like
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I'm in a constant state of like waiting on something
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: to give me a sign or to like clarify things
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: or I don't know. And the fact that I live
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: in Atlanta. I didn't want to live in Atlanta. The
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: whole reason I do is because I was waiting for
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: a different job and eventually I just ended up here
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: and I'm happy here. But it's just like I've been
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: thinking about that. I've also been thinking about I have
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of instances in my life where I did
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: something because a friend did it, and it's not that
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: it was bad, but I don't know that that's the
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: best way to make big decisions. So I'm just grappling
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: with that. And I did have I'm not going to
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: go into it now. I probably will do it in
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: another happy hour soon. It's not bad. It's actually it
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: was really nice. I had a like, really tough introspective
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: moment recently and it wasn't easy. I'm glad I did it.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I questioned a lot of things about myself and a
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: lot of choices I've made, and I'm really glad I
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: did it, and I did it in part because of
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: this show. And I came out the other side of this, which,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: by the way, I did not mean to do. I
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: should have. It's better if it's more mindful. I think
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: it just sort of happened, but but I came out
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: the other side more or less like, No, I agree
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: with the choices I made here and here and here,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: but it felt better to have questioned them and really
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: interrogated them. So I don't know. I'm glad I did it.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: There's still I'm you know, I love writing my essays,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: so I've been writing a lot of essays lately, but
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to work through some stuff. But it's just
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: sometimes you got to check in and see what am
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I doing? Is the stagnation? Is it stagnation? Or am
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I good? What is this? And also a part of
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: that was accepting that not everything is for me. Not
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: everything is for me, and that's okay. Even if I
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: want it to be for me, it's okay, it's not.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: No.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's where where I am right now. And
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: if my friend is listening inspired this whole thing, it
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: was good to see you. It was good to see you, truly,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: and all my friends here are moving who have made changes.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you and I'm wishing for the
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: best and I'm glad to be here Atlanta friend because yeah,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: as of now, I'm the Atlanta Friend. But yes, listeners,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: if you feel anything about this, if this resonated with you,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: we would love to hear from you, please write in.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: You can emails a Steffanie and mom Stuff at iHeartMedia
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Stuff podcast or heart on Instagram and TikTok at stuff
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: one never Told You. We're on YouTube, we have a
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: tea public store, and we have a book you can
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: our super produced Christina, our executive producer Maya, and our
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: contrbuter Joey. Thank you, and thanks to you for listening.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Stuff Never Told You is the production of iHeart Radio.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: For more podcast from my heart Radio, you can check
• 24:37
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• 24:39
  Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite show.