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250: As if we were Darwin · Movie Meltdown

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Due to the fact that our previous employer, the mall-based
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: video store, was replaced by an overpriced clothing store, this
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: series of episodes is dedicated to the memory of the
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: fallen video store. Specifically the one in our cheesy mall
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: and all the weirdos that used to shop there. And
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: the fact that the store sort of dug its own
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: grave along the way. Anyway, rest in peace, Suncoast.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: It's showtime.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: The following feature has been rated R by the Motion
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Picture Association of America.
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.
• 1:42
  Speaker 6: What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I am Brian.
• 1:45
  Speaker 6: And once again we have the trio of terror here.
• 1:48
  Speaker 6: We're back for more movie store flashbacks. We have Patrick
• 1:53
  Speaker 6: once again. Hello, world. And Dave. You really like that
• 2:02
  Speaker 6: Fat Albert movie? Is that what you're saying?
• 2:03
  Speaker 7: I kind of enjoyed the Fat Albert movie that I
• 2:05
  Speaker 7: didn't see.
• 2:05
  Speaker 6: You know, Kenan, I like Kenan. I'm not going to pretend.
• 2:09
  Speaker 6: I don't know about in that specific movie, but in general,
• 2:12
  Speaker 6: Kenan's pretty funny. Greetings, carnival robes. Step right up and
• 2:18
  Speaker 6: meet the freaks. that hasn't been said all right so
• 2:23
  Speaker 6: we're getting back into the uh the final three the
• 2:27
  Speaker 6: yeah we've we've hit a lot of different characters uh
• 2:30
  Speaker 6: as time's gone on but i guess we've narrowed it
• 2:34
  Speaker 6: down to the big three i mean i don't know
• 2:38
  Speaker 6: some of them may not be up to speed i
• 2:39
  Speaker 6: don't know about this first one but When we get
• 2:42
  Speaker 6: to the top, we're going to... I'd say, do we
• 2:45
  Speaker 6: want to go with Captain Obvious as number three?
• 2:48
  Speaker 7: Captain Obvious can be number three.
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: It seems fitting.
• 2:52
  Speaker 6: Two's just so memorable. It's almost like they're a tie.
• 2:56
  Speaker 6: It's not even that he's that much better. It's just
• 2:58
  Speaker 6: such a better story.
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: I think at first, before we really solidified names, I
• 3:04
  Speaker 5: think I used to get them kind of mixed up.
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: Because they were both a little clueless. But this guy...
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: What sealed it to me, like the memory for me
• 3:11
  Speaker 5: that made this guy definitely Captain Obvious is he literally
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: walked up to me. He had a DVD in his hand,
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: and it was like Scooby-Doo and the Adventures of the
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: Mummy or something.
• 3:27
  Speaker 6: A classic, sure.
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: It is in his hand. Like he's holding it, and
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: he comes up to me and is like, do you
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: have Scooby-Doo? And the adventures with the mummy. I literally
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: reached over, took it out of his hand.
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: Plucked.
• 3:41
  Speaker 7: Plucked from his grip.
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: Put it back in his hand and said, there you go.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: And he's like, awesome.
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: Man, you're the best, man.
• 3:50
  Speaker 7: Customer service is an A +.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: He walked away so happy. And I was like, dude.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: I'm like looking for the camera. I'm like, did that
• 3:56
  Speaker 5: just happen?
• 3:57
  Speaker 7: Okay, also, he was old. I mean, not old, old.
• 3:59
  Speaker 7: I mean, he was young, but he was old enough.
• 4:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah, he was 12.
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: This was not a kid.
• 4:04
  Speaker 6: I mean, he is a grown-up. He drove himself there, probably.
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: He probably put his own clothes on. He put them
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: on better than that one guy.
• 4:11
  Speaker 6: Than Mike.
• 4:11
  Speaker 7: From weeks ago.
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: If he wore a hat, I think it would have
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: been straight.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Maybe.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe.
• 4:16
  Speaker 7: Hello, everybody. Kevin Obvious.
• 4:19
  Speaker 5: Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he.
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: Did he have a cape?
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: He should have.
• 4:25
  Speaker 6: No, he was busy wearing his Dragon Ball Z shirt.
• 4:27
  Speaker 7: No, is it him or number two that their voice
• 4:29
  Speaker 7: sounded like they were yelling but from really far away?
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: I think it's number two. Okay, number two. As I remember.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: The hype.
• 4:36
  Speaker 7: Squeaky thing yes yes i want to get i want
• 4:39
  Speaker 7: to get everybody to try to impersonate how they heard
• 4:41
  Speaker 7: it what do we have any more stories about number
• 4:44
  Speaker 7: three because you you guys remember more than i do
• 4:47
  Speaker 7: i remembered him by name but i don't think i
• 4:50
  Speaker 7: even had any run-ins specifically it was just amazingly inbred
• 4:53
  Speaker 7: and that's about the end of the book he.
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: Just always came up and just just told you I mean,
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: it's just your cliche captain and obvious guy just always
• 5:01
  Speaker 5: came in and just told you stuff. It's like, yeah, thanks.
• 5:06
  Speaker 5: I knew that. Or, you know, yeah, you're right. You know,
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: I guess it's one of those things where like. He
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: stands out just because working at a place like that,
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: you dealt with him so much. You're like, oh, my God,
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: here he is again. You know, if it was anybody else,
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: we'd be like, all right, random idiot, whatever. Yanking on
• 5:22
  Speaker 5: the gate before we open. Yeah, but when you're doing
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: 40 hours a week and you get him once or
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: twice a week, you're like, oh, my gosh.
• 5:29
  Speaker 6: You're killing me.
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: Here we go again. Yes, I know, Tomb Raider is
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: based on a video game.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, thank you.
• 5:35
  Speaker 7: They didn't get her boobs exactly right, but would you
• 5:37
  Speaker 7: like a disc doctor?
• 5:40
  Speaker 6: Well, that's the other thing that they don't realize is
• 5:42
  Speaker 6: we're pitching all this stupid stuff to people. We're like, hey,
• 5:46
  Speaker 6: you want Entertainment Weekly? Hey, you want Netflix? And I'm like,
• 5:49
  Speaker 6: we also deal with the same people over and over again.
• 5:53
  Speaker 6: There's only so many times you can ask this same
• 5:55
  Speaker 6: person if they want to subscribe and be scammed by
• 5:58
  Speaker 6: Entertainment Weekly. Because it was kind of a scam. I
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: kind of forgot that until you brought it up. Not
• 6:02
  Speaker 6: only were we pushing this free trial nonsense, which is whatever,
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: but Like they were billing people's cards and they didn't
• 6:10
  Speaker 6: know about it.
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, that's a scam.
• 6:12
  Speaker 6: Like, I don't know. I mean, it's like some super
• 6:14
  Speaker 6: fine print somewhere that says it's okay that we keep
• 6:17
  Speaker 6: adding this to your credit card.
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: The shift in sort of pitch happened where like at
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: first they were like, you know, yeah, whatever. You tell
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: them everything. You tell them everything before you sign it.
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: And then it switched to, well, tell them that they
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: get the three months free. get them to fill it
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: out and as you're giving them their like confirmation and
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: be like now you know after three months you're gonna
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: get you know you're gonna have to if you don't
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: like it you're gonna have to go on there and
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: essentially like refuse.
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: It and and fight with them sometimes like some people
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: came back with stories like i was on the phone
• 6:47
  Speaker 6: with them for an hour just trying to get this
• 6:49
  Speaker 6: thing to not happen anymore like they were still charging
• 6:52
  Speaker 6: me so i'm just like after that i was like
• 6:54
  Speaker 6: i don't want to push them on anybody anymore so
• 6:57
  Speaker 6: it was it.
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: Was very shifty very shady.
• 6:59
  Speaker 6: But i do remember that was like semi legit with
• 7:03
  Speaker 6: the company like they really did say okay sell it
• 7:05
  Speaker 6: to them first and then later give them the details
• 7:08
  Speaker 6: of how they're about to get scammed save the hook
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: yeah i was just like well i don't feel comfortable
• 7:13
  Speaker 6: with that but minis a time.
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: You know and it was so hard to get those
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: that was one of those ones that like It was
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: as bad as Dish Network.
• 7:22
  Speaker 6: Oh, gosh.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: If we got any of those.
• 7:25
  Speaker 6: I sold one once, and the dude walked in. It
• 7:28
  Speaker 6: shot me through the roof for the store.
• 7:30
  Speaker 7: He walked in specifically for that?
• 7:32
  Speaker 6: He walked in.
• 7:32
  Speaker 7: I had that happen, too.
• 7:33
  Speaker 6: No, what was weird is I think I did. It
• 7:37
  Speaker 6: was just random. He said something about it or something.
• 7:40
  Speaker 6: I was like, oh, yeah, that. He was like, yeah?
• 7:43
  Speaker 6: Tell me about it. I walked over there, and I went, well,
• 7:46
  Speaker 6: and I'm reading the stuff off the display because I
• 7:48
  Speaker 6: don't know anything about it.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I don't have Dish Network.
• 7:50
  Speaker 6: So I'm just like, yeah, and you get this and this. And, like,
• 7:54
  Speaker 6: he's like, okay. Didn't fight me. Didn't want more details. Just, like,
• 7:58
  Speaker 6: signed up.
• 7:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah, like, do you want to think about it?
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: Didn't buy it? Yeah, I kind of felt like I
• 8:01
  Speaker 6: need to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not rush
• 8:03
  Speaker 6: into anything.
• 8:04
  Speaker 7: I'm going to get some EWs, too. Do you have
• 8:05
  Speaker 7: any batteries?
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: What are you, crazy?
• 8:07
  Speaker 6: So, yeah, I think that's the only one I ever sold,
• 8:10
  Speaker 6: and I didn't really do anything. So that was kind
• 8:12
  Speaker 6: of fun.
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: I remember there was one Christmas seasonal. that we had
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: that training slipped through the cracks. Because at the end
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: of the day, you know, I'm whatever, getting everyone's info together,
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: their cards and whatever, to like write down everyone's points.
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: And this guy has 45 entertainment weeklies.
• 8:37
  Speaker 8: 45.
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, dude, what are you saying? What are
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: you doing? And he's like, well, I told him it's
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: three free months in a magazine.
• 8:44
  Speaker 9: And.
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: And what? Oh, my God.
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: We're in the lot.
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: I remember telling Deanne, I was like, in three months,
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: we're about to get. bombed with phone calls because there's
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: gonna be a lot of people pissed that their card
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: is about to get charged like that dude was just
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: giving them out three free months three.
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: Months well and it wasn't that's the thing it wasn't
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: like it was cheap either like a monthly magazine it's
• 9:09
  Speaker 6: like 12 bucks a year remember it was retroactive yeah
• 9:13
  Speaker 6: it came back and then charged you for those three
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: free months so you weren't actually getting anything free It
• 9:20
  Speaker 6: came back and charged you for those three months.
• 9:22
  Speaker 7: Weekly is expensive, too.
• 9:24
  Speaker 6: Those things were not cheap, but when it was weekly,
• 9:27
  Speaker 6: it became a fortune. I'm just, oh, man. What a
• 9:30
  Speaker 6: bad idea. This episode not sponsored by Entertainment Weekly.
• 9:33
  Speaker 7: Go to joeblo.com. That's J-O-B-L-O dot com.
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: As soon as he sends the check, I'll throw that
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: right through. Do we want to move on to number two?
• 9:44
  Speaker 7: Number two. Drum roll, please.
• 9:48
  Speaker 6: Patrick's favorite person ever, and I specifically remember him because
• 9:51
  Speaker 6: I remember your version of him more than him. I
• 9:54
  Speaker 6: remember him coming in, but he became legend because of
• 9:57
  Speaker 6: your take on him.
• 10:00
  Speaker 7: Ivanhoe.
• 10:00
  Speaker 6: The legend of Ivanhoe.
• 10:02
  Speaker 7: Ladies and gentlemen, Ivanhoe.
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: Ivanhoe.
• 10:04
  Speaker 7: What stories do we have about Ivanhoe?
• 10:06
  Speaker 6: I guess we should explain why he's called Ivanhoe.
• 10:10
  Speaker 7: It looked like he was yelling from the back of
• 10:12
  Speaker 7: a distant mountain, but he was three inches away from
• 10:15
  Speaker 7: your face.
• 10:15
  Speaker 6: Hi, everybody.
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: The hardest thing to me about... Him was not smiling.
• 10:22
  Speaker 7: Because he tucked his dress shirt into his blue jeans
• 10:25
  Speaker 7: or not?
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: What, you're not supposed to do that?
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: His voice.
• 10:28
  Speaker 6: Hold on, let me pull my shirt out.
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: Because it wasn't even the way he spoke because he
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: had a very unique way of articulating himself. It wasn't
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: even the tone.
• 10:39
  Speaker 6: It was....
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: He.
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: It was very like Controlled and monotone, and yet metered
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: in a weird way, too?
• 10:49
  Speaker 7: David is facepalmed right now. And that might even be
• 10:52
  Speaker 7: a double facepalm. You know, he earned facepalm.
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: Like I said, we've established that he had this really high-pitched,
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: weird way of speaking, which was obviously the way his
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: voice sounded. His demeanor was so.
• 11:07
  Speaker 7: Flat.
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: Flat, yeah, just plain.
• 11:08
  Speaker 6: Like a wall.
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: Like a wall.
• 11:10
  Speaker 6: Nothing.
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: It was almost a little comatose.
• 11:12
  Speaker 7: Like he was a Korean businessman.
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: It was like he was very serious. He was almost
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: mature in a way. Like, you know, yeah.
• 11:17
  Speaker 7: He carried his shirt. Very proper.
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: Dressed kind of like a golfer.
• 11:21
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: You know, you didn't expect it. And then the voice.
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: You spoke, you know, oh.
• 11:24
  Speaker 7: You just want to laugh.
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: You know, it was like backlash. You're like, oh my gosh, dude.
• 11:27
  Speaker 5: Is this for real? You really sound like that?
• 11:29
  Speaker 7: Is this real life?
• 11:31
  Speaker 6: I don't think so.
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: But on top of all of that, The way he
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: spoke was just, it was so hard not to smile.
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: The combination of his voice and the words. He came
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: up to me once wanting He-Man.
• 11:44
  Speaker 6: Like you do.
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: Well, that's the other thing. That's why he was Ivano.
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: Everything he wanted, every movie he wanted, had to do
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: with someone with a big sword. It was Conan.
• 11:54
  Speaker 6: It was Excalibur.
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: It was He-Man.
• 11:56
  Speaker 6: So was this the Masters of the Universe movie?
• 11:59
  Speaker 10: Yeah.
• 11:59
  Speaker 6: Okay, not the animated series.
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: But the way he asked for it, he was one
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: of those people that would speak in a way almost
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: as if he was reading the box.
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: He did, actually.
• 12:12
  Speaker 7: Is this where he described it and didn't have a name?
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: This is the one where he goes... I'm looking for
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: a movie about a man who wields a sword like
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: no other.
• 12:22
  Speaker 7: I had to turn around and die. I turned around
• 12:25
  Speaker 7: and died. I don't know how you kept eye contact.
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: I'm just biting down, trying not to smile. I'm like,
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: can you be more specific?
• 12:32
  Speaker 7: He's the master of the universe.
• 12:37
  Speaker 10: Oh, my God.
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: It was like, and I can hear you like chuckling
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: behind me.
• 12:42
  Speaker 11: Dying.
• 12:43
  Speaker 6: On the other side of a metal rack that doesn't
• 12:45
  Speaker 6: control the sound anymore. She's giggling.
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: Oh, my God, that voice. Just the combination. He's wearing muscularity.
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: He's wearing leg next to nothing, and he has the sword.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: And he would, you know, you would answer the question
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: and be like, you know, sorry, man, we don't got
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: that one. And he would go on to tell you
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: about that.
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: More about the movie.
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: More about the movie we don't have. In this voice
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: and in this way that is just like... Because I've
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: always been in love with Dolph Lundgren.
• 13:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah. I thought London was coming back though and then
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: Patrick would pop out and take a picture of him
• 13:19
  Speaker 6: and this is the best out of focus shot we have.
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: He's so lightly looking you can almost see him in
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: plate mail you can almost see him.
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: In plate mail I bet on the weekends right now
• 13:27
  Speaker 6: he probably is wearing it he's so large he's the
• 13:32
  Speaker 6: king when you get in the end would you say
• 13:35
  Speaker 6: he's mightier than any other why do you have to
• 13:38
  Speaker 6: take it there because that's how we.
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: Roll just so many times where like you know he'd
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: come in there'd be two or three of us around
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: and it's almost like throwing someone to the wolves someone
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: would go and deal with them and other people would
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: be eavesdropping because you want to hear it but you
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: don't want to have to try to keep a straight
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: face so you're like hiding behind a fixture like cackling
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: into your shoulder or whatever watching someone else like try
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: to keep a straight face talking to him.
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: Well was there a specific time that got him the
• 14:09
  Speaker 6: name Ivanhoe? I mean, I assume he had to be
• 14:12
  Speaker 6: looking for that, too, at some point.
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: I want to say Patrick coined it.
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: Well, that sounds like something jerky Patrick would say.
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: Like I said, at every different point, it was always
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: some kind of knightly sword building kind of movie. So
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: I just assume he had asked Patrick for Ivanhoe at
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: some point or something.
• 14:33
  Speaker 6: It is how many people get their name in our
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: little Seinfeldian world where we've given them all ridiculous names. Oh, man.
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: That voice.
• 14:43
  Speaker 6: How's that going?
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: Man, Patrick's the one that can nail it. Patrick needs
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: to do the impressions.
• 14:49
  Speaker 6: He needs to get back here. Patrick's wandered off.
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that Masters of the Universe. Man, that was rough.
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: You know, I've been through a lot of awkward situations
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: in customer service, but it's easily that kid. And you know,
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: the thing is, honestly, laughing at him, it wouldn't have
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: been awkward. I don't think he would have complained. I
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: don't know that he would have gotten it, really.
• 15:13
  Speaker 7: He wouldn't have known.
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: But I would have felt bad.
• 15:16
  Speaker 7: I remember getting yelled at because I would aggie him
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: on so he would talk more. Oh, no, I know
• 15:19
  Speaker 7: you did.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: You did that with everybody.
• 15:22
  Speaker 7: I was brutal to him.
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: Star Wars, I've never seen it. Tell me about it.
• 15:25
  Speaker 6: Can you tell me the whole story?
• 15:27
  Speaker 7: How did you remember?
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: Like, how does a long, long time ago.
• 15:29
  Speaker 7: It's his father the whole time?
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: Spoiler alert.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: A long, long time ago... The red is all around.
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: It's my father's family.
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: Oh, no!
• 15:39
  Speaker 7: I can't believe that he's his father because it's a
• 15:42
  Speaker 7: contrast between good and evil.
• 15:44
  Speaker 12: You know, you did.
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: Have that kind of book smart way of speaking.
• 15:47
  Speaker 7: Yeah!
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: It was almost like he was a Stephen Hawking.
• 15:50
  Speaker 7: I think he might have been. He might have been
• 15:52
  Speaker 7: a savant. Like, really, really intelligent on the inside. Completely
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: retarded on the outside. Just completely retarded. Like another one
• 16:01
  Speaker 7: of those, Mommy's going to drop you off at the mall.
• 16:02
  Speaker 7: I'll be back in eight hours.
• 16:05
  Speaker 6: I'll go over and say chi-chi. You and me both, Ivanhoe.
• 16:11
  Speaker 7: Ivanhoe!
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: That was what I was just asking. Is there a
• 16:15
  Speaker 6: specific time that he asked for that that got him
• 16:17
  Speaker 6: that title? Because we thought you came up with Ivanhoe.
• 16:23
  Speaker 7: You know, that's a good question. I think that that
• 16:24
  Speaker 7: was probably just a random... I needed a difficult name.
• 16:28
  Speaker 7: It was either Gilgamesh or Ivanhoe. And Ivanhoe fit real well.
• 16:33
  Speaker 7: Gilgamesh was like... I think Gilgamesh was a person that
• 16:35
  Speaker 7: came in once or twice, and they were about to
• 16:38
  Speaker 7: get upgraded to fanboy status, and they never came in again.
• 16:41
  Speaker 7: And so it's like you can't have a legend if
• 16:43
  Speaker 7: it doesn't happen.
• 16:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah, we can't tell your story now if you wander off.
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: How can we make fun of you years and years later?
• 16:50
  Speaker 6: How sad is it that we're doing this, maybe?
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: Wasn't there more than one? Wasn't there like three of
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: them or something? And he was always asking if there
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: was more. Or no, yeah, that was the thing he did.
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: That was his common rant. And it was... kind of
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: like what you said with the coffee guy, where he
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: would tell you the same story over and over. He
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: would tell me why they should do more. Like he
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: would always be, you know, just would go on and,
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: you know, how great they are and how amazing it is,
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: you know, and. there's people out there that would watch
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: it again and they should really do it and they
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: could totally do it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 7: Maybe if he can convince you that you with your magic.
• 17:25
  Speaker 6: You're what's holding it back.
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: Speaking of that, tree branching on that, do you remember
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: the guy that thought we made the DVDs in the
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: back room and wanted us to make one without special
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: features or something?
• 17:38
  Speaker 7: Do you think we fucking produced these?
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: He thought that we made them in the back room
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: and wanted it and got mad about it.
• 17:45
  Speaker 7: This is the guy who thinks that there's actually a stork. Wait,
• 17:49
  Speaker 7: there isn't?
• 17:52
  Speaker 6: That's how I was told. And dammit, the internet has
• 17:56
  Speaker 6: not proven me wrong with all those videos.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: It's taken.
• 18:02
  Speaker 7: Us all the way to number one. Story after story.
• 18:07
  Speaker 6: I think number one's such a big thing, we better
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: take a break and come back for number one.
• 18:16
  Speaker 8: I got back up and knocked my daughter to the floor. Suddenly,
• 18:20
  Speaker 8: I told my daughter to get his simple ass up.
• 18:23
  Speaker 8: I told him to get the hell out of my
• 18:25
  Speaker 8: face before I bust his head.
• 18:29
  Speaker 7: I rubbed my daughter's ass. I rubbed my daughter's ass.
• 18:35
  Speaker 7: I rubbed my daughter's ass.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: I rubbed my daughter's ass.
• 18:43
  Speaker 8: Rock over London, rock over Chicago. Quill, the center of
• 18:47
  Speaker 8: the best.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: Now it's time for ice cream. Or maybe some nuts.
• 19:03
  Speaker 10: A cool glass of orange.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: Why not try a hot dog? Or the real thing,
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: a cool, refreshing Coca-Cola. From the sales staff and in
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: the foyer, now.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: At the far end of the universe, there is a
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: planet ruled by a being of utter evil. And there
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: is only one man who dares challenge him. They are
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: locked in a battle to the death. A battle that
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: will take them across the heavens.
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: Stop him!
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: A battle that will finally be fought.
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: I want them locked down and brought to me!
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Across the face.
• 19:55
  Speaker 8: Police!
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Nobody move!
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Of Earth.
• 19:59
  Speaker 13: No!
• 20:04
  Speaker 7: Julie!
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: From a distant galaxy, they have come to Earth. Dolph
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: Lundgren as He-Man. Frank Langella as Skeletor. Only they have
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: the powers to be Masters of the Universe. Live the adventure.
• 20:30
  Speaker 6: Hey guys, look what I've got. Check out these awesome
• 20:33
  Speaker 6: earbuds I'm using right now.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Look at that.
• 20:36
  Speaker 6: That's wood right there. That's actual wood. Why would you
• 20:40
  Speaker 6: use wood to make technology? Because it's like they're steampunk.
• 20:46
  Speaker 6: Is steampunk really wood? I thought it was more of
• 20:48
  Speaker 6: a brass thing. Well, you got to work the wood
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: in to hold the brass together. These are the fancy
• 20:54
  Speaker 6: high-end steampunk versions with a mic built in, mind you.
• 20:57
  Speaker 6: But yeah, where would I get these you under? Tweaked audio.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Way to pitch.
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: You want to hear more, you say?
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: Tweakedaudio.com.
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: Hey, they are available in three styles and seven colors,
• 21:15
  Speaker 6: and they sound pretty damn good. I kind of forgot
• 21:17
  Speaker 6: because I hadn't had my old pair in a while,
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: and I was using the knockoff crappy ones I bought
• 21:22
  Speaker 6: at the store. And I got these and put them in.
• 21:25
  Speaker 6: I was like, oh, shit, that's right.
• 21:26
  Speaker 7: These are actually really good.
• 21:28
  Speaker 6: So they are professional.
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: Quality earbuds, mind you.
• 21:31
  Speaker 6: And, you know, noise reducing, compatible with your iPods and
• 21:36
  Speaker 6: Most phones, unless you have a dumb phone. You should
• 21:38
  Speaker 6: really get a smart phone, not a dumb phone. So anyway,
• 21:42
  Speaker 6: the basic rundown here. If you need yourself some earbuds, tweakedaudio.com.
• 21:47
  Speaker 6: And if you go there, there's a deal. There's a
• 21:50
  Speaker 6: Meltdown deal. If you go, there's a discount code, and
• 21:53
  Speaker 6: you put in Meltdown, you get 33% off and free shipping.
• 21:57
  Speaker 6: You guys are excited, right? Yeah. As well you should be. tweakedaudio.com.
• 22:03
  Speaker 6: Use the Meltdown code.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying.
• 22:06
  Speaker 7: U8it is going wild on the internet.
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: It's blowing up.
• 22:10
  Speaker 7: It's the squared circle of knowledge.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: U8itpodcast.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: Com makes it easy to stream. You can start an argument.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: In the comments.
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: I'd rather send a nasty email to U8it at gmail.com.
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: I'm going to tweet at U8it and yell.
• 22:25
  Speaker 7: You can even subscribe on iTunes and Stitcher. Make sure
• 22:28
  Speaker 7: to like the Facebook page.
• 22:30
  Speaker 6: Leave a good review or we'll hurt you.
• 22:33
  Speaker 10: Tell a friend about the show.
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah. Awesome.
• 22:37
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 22:38
  Speaker 7: That's Y-O-U-E-I-G-H-T-I-G. You ain't it. Education has never been so wild.
• 22:47
  Speaker 10: Shit the bed.
• 22:48
  Speaker 6: Howdy, folks.
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: Come on in. From the looks of them fancy britches
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: and sassy little hairdos, y'all ain't from around here, are ya?
• 23:09
  Speaker 8: This is Sid Hagan, you're fucking around with Movie Meltdown.
• 23:12
  Speaker 13: Why don't you just take your mama home some chicken,
• 23:15
  Speaker 13: and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up.
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: In your ass.
• 23:18
  Speaker 10: What's part of your problem, you know?
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are.
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: Answered in the movies.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: Now, on with the show.
• 23:39
  Speaker 11: Birdman caught me on his property. He saw me trespassing
• 23:43
  Speaker 11: his real estate. He reached in his pocket for a pistol.
• 23:47
  Speaker 11: He came after me and pistol whipped my behind. Birdman
• 23:51
  Speaker 11: kicked my ass. Birdman kicked my ass. Birdman kicked my ass.
• 23:58
  Speaker 11: Birdman kicked my ass. Birdman beat me to a pulp.
• 24:04
  Speaker 11: He gave me a yell-down warhead right.
• 24:06
  Speaker 13: He told me that he was going to kill me
• 24:08
  Speaker 13: if I don't get off his real estate.
• 24:10
  Speaker 8: He gave me five minutes to get in my Bronco
• 24:12
  Speaker 8: and hit the rookie road.
• 24:14
  Speaker 7: Birdman kicked my ass. Birdman kicked my ass.
• 24:19
  Speaker 8: Birdman kicked my ass.
• 24:22
  Speaker 7: Birdman kicked my ass.
• 24:31
  Speaker 12: Too bad we didn't have cell phones back then. Man,
• 24:34
  Speaker 12: I would have definitely, like, stole some audio. Put the
• 24:40
  Speaker 12: record on. Got Ivanhoe all over.
• 24:43
  Speaker 7: My cell phone.
• 24:44
  Speaker 6: That's the thing. Now there's just so much potential.
• 24:48
  Speaker 9: Right.
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: I mean, we could just have, like, a whole, like,
• 24:51
  Speaker 6: YouTube channel going of these people, really. I mean, think
• 24:54
  Speaker 6: about it.
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: There wasn't even really cell phones then, was there?
• 24:56
  Speaker 9: I mean.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: Wasn't the perfume girl on the cordless?
• 24:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah, she was on a cordless.
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: She wasn't walking around on a cell phone or anything. No,
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: do you remember? I think Patrick was there. Actually, I
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: think it was me, you, and John. I think we
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: were sitting around, whatever, BSing. And I think we were
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: griping about cell phones. Now that I think about it.
• 25:13
  Speaker 6: Probably.
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: Because at the time, anyone that had one was constantly like.
• 25:18
  Speaker 7: Oh, give me my cell phone all the time.
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: And I think there was a time it was me, you,
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: and John standing there just whatever, just kind of talking
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: shit about everybody in the store like we do. And
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: this kid walked in, you know, talking on his cell phone.
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: You know, one of us made some snotty comment, you know,
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: look at this juice bag. And as he's walking around
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: talking on his cell phone, the cell phone rings.
• 25:38
  Speaker 7: Nice.
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: To where, like, it busts him out for knowing he
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: wasn't actually on it. He was trying to look like
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: he was on it. And we all start cackling. It's
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: obvious we just watched this go down. And he, like,
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: speedwalks out of the store.
• 25:53
  Speaker 6: What a douchebag.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: And we were like, oh, my gosh. We totally just
• 25:57
  Speaker 5: saw that dude faking conversation on his cell phone.
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: That's awesome.
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: I want to say it was even his mom, too.
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: It was like, yes, mom, yeah, uh-huh, okay.
• 26:06
  Speaker 6: I'm sure.
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: It's weird how things happen almost on cue. Like, I
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: remember another time I want to say that we were
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: making fun of, because, again, you know, cell phone technology
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: was new. And when cell phone rings were starting to happen,
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: it wasn't even like the music yet. You just kind
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: of get it to ring like something. I remember we
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: were kind of like, you know, talking smack about that too.
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: It's like, oh, you know, whatever. My phone rings like whatever.
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: And almost on cue, this guy is in the store
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: and his cell phone goes off and it's so fresh
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: and so clean. And we just start cackling because we're
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: just like, here we are like you know joking about
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: cell phone rings and this guy just busts out some
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: so fresh and so clean on his cell phone.
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: Not near as cool when i had check your tail
• 26:52
  Speaker 6: feathers and it was like the digitized version and it
• 26:57
  Speaker 6: was funny like i originally got it wrong because they
• 27:00
  Speaker 6: sent the wrong like it was like you had to
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: put in whatever code and like this and i'm like
• 27:04
  Speaker 6: what the And then I was like, oh, I'm leaving that.
• 27:07
  Speaker 6: I was like, that is awesomely bad. And it was...
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: Just like, that is so terrible. That is Stan Mustang Tom. So,
• 27:22
  Speaker 6: shake your tail, Feathers. Nice.
• 27:25
  Speaker 7: See ya, number one.
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: I think you called it with the Wesley Willis. So
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: you've heard the intro there. I think we decided that's
• 27:33
  Speaker 6: sort of the key to this... the character of this so.
• 27:36
  Speaker 7: I mean number one is probably like my culmination of
• 27:39
  Speaker 7: all of my fun we ever yeah probably like I
• 27:42
  Speaker 7: would get out of school because I was in high
• 27:44
  Speaker 7: school at the time I get out of school and
• 27:45
  Speaker 7: it's like I get out at three or whatever and
• 27:47
  Speaker 7: it's like gotta be at the mall at 445 and
• 27:49
  Speaker 7: I'm like god fuck shit cock I really don't want
• 27:53
  Speaker 7: to go to the mall my job sucks I don't
• 27:55
  Speaker 7: get paid anything.
• 27:56
  Speaker 6: And the security is on my ass.
• 27:59
  Speaker 7: But what if what if number one walks in and
• 28:03
  Speaker 7: I'm not there So it's worth it. The only thing
• 28:07
  Speaker 7: that I can do to really help people in TV
• 28:11
  Speaker 7: land or radio land or internet land, to help them
• 28:15
  Speaker 7: understand what he looked like, what he sounded like, everything
• 28:17
  Speaker 7: about him, I would ask you to open your browser
• 28:20
  Speaker 7: and Google Wesley Willis. And maybe even one of his
• 28:24
  Speaker 7: hit singles, Birdman Kicked My Ass. Because it pretty much
• 28:27
  Speaker 7: sums up number one. If it was not him, I
• 28:30
  Speaker 7: would be surprised.
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: He has a song about McDonald's, too, though, right?
• 28:33
  Speaker 7: He has a song about McDonald's.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: Wasn't that the ironic part? He has a song about McDonald's, also.
• 28:37
  Speaker 7: So the best part about this guy is he worked
• 28:40
  Speaker 7: at McDonald's across the street.
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: Well, he would be entitled because of that. McDonald's Man
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: is how we, in our very creative titling of people,
• 28:51
  Speaker 6: number one, McDonald's Man.
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: I always voted for Big Mac, but we had Big Mama.
• 28:54
  Speaker 6: That's true. You did, yeah. Occasionally he went with Big Mac.
• 28:57
  Speaker 6: But McDonald's Man became sort of the shorthand.
• 29:00
  Speaker 7: So I guess he kind of started off, and you
• 29:02
  Speaker 7: all interject with your own stories at any time, but
• 29:04
  Speaker 7: I guess he kind of started off as you would
• 29:06
  Speaker 7: come in and you'd be like, you wouldn't notice him,
• 29:09
  Speaker 7: but you'd notice this guy comes in often. dressed in
• 29:12
  Speaker 7: McDonald's gear. He probably comes, probably gets off the bus
• 29:14
  Speaker 7: on this side of the street, has a few minutes
• 29:17
  Speaker 7: to kill, loves movies. Who doesn't? Then he started being
• 29:21
  Speaker 7: a little strange. Such as, you know, sitting like the Klingons.
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: On the floor.
• 29:26
  Speaker 6: On the floor. In the middle of the aisle.
• 29:28
  Speaker 7: And then laying. And then laying.
• 29:31
  Speaker 6: And reading the backstories.
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: On his back. On his back. Like, completely laid out.
• 29:36
  Speaker 6: On our nasty carpet. That we only occasionally vacuumed like
• 29:40
  Speaker 6: we were supposed to.
• 29:41
  Speaker 7: I never. I mean, I acted like I vacuumed it.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: I never.
• 29:45
  Speaker 6: And even then, I mean, you can vacuum all you want.
• 29:47
  Speaker 6: But think about that carpet that has had a million
• 29:50
  Speaker 6: people from the mall walking on and out of it.
• 29:52
  Speaker 6: And he's laying on it.
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: Sparrows grease.
• 29:54
  Speaker 6: Well, that too.
• 29:55
  Speaker 7: Then we noticed that he was laying there.
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: He had trinkets.
• 29:59
  Speaker 7: He had toys. Mostly little mirrors that looked like he
• 30:03
  Speaker 7: pulled them off the sides of cars and golf carts.
• 30:06
  Speaker 7: And he would just hold them up in the air.
• 30:10
  Speaker 7: We started getting more interested and we would stay on
• 30:13
  Speaker 7: one side of the A-frame while he was laying on
• 30:15
  Speaker 7: the other. We noticed he was mumbling to himself.
• 30:18
  Speaker 6: Like you do.
• 30:19
  Speaker 7: Often talking to his hands or to imaginary people.
• 30:24
  Speaker 5: I told you at the time I'm walking down the street, right?
• 30:26
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: Not to interrupt.
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, no.
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: I was coming into work. Like I'm driving down, you know, whatever,
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: Shelbyville Road. And I see him from a distance walking
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: down the road, like on the side of the road.
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, oh, my God, it's McDonald's, man. And
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: he's swinging his arms real enthusiastically. And then I realized
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: that one hand on the upswing, he would like– turn
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: his hand to face himself and it's almost like imagine
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: if he had a sock puppet on like he would
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: like almost like make his hand like you know do
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: like the talking motion if there was a sock puppet
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: on it and so i realized his mouth is moving
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: as he's walking down the road and at this hyper
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: swing is him bringing his hand up to like talk
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: to him he is talking to his hand walking down
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: the street OMG.
• 31:15
  Speaker 7: Oh, and he did this in the store. And he
• 31:17
  Speaker 7: would talk to the covers of movies, the backs of movies,
• 31:21
  Speaker 7: the floor. Then we began to... I often think of
• 31:26
  Speaker 7: us as if we were Darwin, you know, just at
• 31:28
  Speaker 7: a different place at a different time, exploring new species
• 31:31
  Speaker 7: and documenting the things that they did, the ways that
• 31:33
  Speaker 7: they lived.
• 31:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's actually pretty accurate. I feel that way in
• 31:36
  Speaker 6: my time at the movie store.
• 31:38
  Speaker 7: Oh, yeah, we started talking to him. We started, how
• 31:41
  Speaker 7: you doing?
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: You start at a distance with the binoculars, and then
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: eventually you try to see if you can integrate into
• 31:45
  Speaker 6: their society. It's kind of like putting the.
• 31:47
  Speaker 5: Reese's Pieces on the floor and stuff, too. You know,
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: it's like, Reese's Pieces? Because, I mean, we got to
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: know him.
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: You got to know him pretty well.
• 31:53
  Speaker 7: He felt very comfortable sharing a lot of what I
• 31:55
  Speaker 7: would consider to be intimate information with us.
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: With you.
• 31:57
  Speaker 7: It was kind of like there were three really good times,
• 32:02
  Speaker 7: and they kind of escalated.
• 32:03
  Speaker 6: Here's the visual for you two. Oh, wow. There he
• 32:07
  Speaker 6: is captured in front of the... Glasses off.
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: Glasses off.
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: What's the movie in the background, actually?
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: Ali.
• 32:13
  Speaker 11: Ali.
• 32:14
  Speaker 6: That's our time period. The Will Smith Ali is in
• 32:17
  Speaker 6: the poster in the background here. And I'm also noticing...
• 32:19
  Speaker 6: That three pack of blank tape right up front. I
• 32:23
  Speaker 6: bet you suggest that one. And the other thing I
• 32:26
  Speaker 6: noticed is look at this giant freaking monitor on our
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: POS system.
• 32:30
  Speaker 7: The POS DOS prompt.
• 32:32
  Speaker 6: That thing is huge. It was so outdated even at
• 32:34
  Speaker 6: the time, which makes it like a piece of caveman artifact.
• 32:38
  Speaker 7: Now I know that I have at least one of
• 32:40
  Speaker 7: these stories on video. And I know that, I think
• 32:44
  Speaker 7: I know which one it is. So I'm going to
• 32:44
  Speaker 7: start with the one.
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: You're talking about. The Oaks, wasn't it?
• 32:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: Did you talk about the Oaks with them?
• 32:49
  Speaker 7: So the one before that was just like kind of
• 32:52
  Speaker 7: to get to knowing. And I commented on his reflective friend,
• 32:57
  Speaker 7: the toy mirror that he carried around.
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: His crushed sand.
• 33:00
  Speaker 7: I don't remember the exact way that he put it,
• 33:02
  Speaker 7: but it somehow protected him from the evil or he
• 33:05
  Speaker 7: could see magical things. You know, he was a special character.
• 33:12
  Speaker 7: And that's what kind of that instance right there made
• 33:14
  Speaker 7: me fall in love with him. So one day, he's
• 33:18
  Speaker 7: laying on the ground, and he seems to be in
• 33:20
  Speaker 7: a pretty good mood. So, and it was around Derby,
• 33:23
  Speaker 7: you know, it's spring in Kentucky, a beautiful time period.
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: Does this one involve the mirror?
• 33:27
  Speaker 7: I can't even.
• 33:28
  Speaker 6: Before we leave the mirror, then that would explain, because
• 33:30
  Speaker 6: I saw this earlier today, and I was like, what
• 33:32
  Speaker 6: the hell? I guess I forgot the mirror story because
• 33:36
  Speaker 6: he's holding the mirror in his photo.
• 33:38
  Speaker 7: If he held it right there, it had a magical power,
• 33:40
  Speaker 7: and I can't remember what it was, but I want
• 33:41
  Speaker 7: to say it protected him from the evil spirit.
• 33:43
  Speaker 6: He is striking a pose, if you will, and holding
• 33:46
  Speaker 6: this little mirror. So once again, I'll protect his identity
• 33:50
  Speaker 6: and post some version of that on the Facebook page.
• 33:52
  Speaker 6: You better join us up on the old Facebook.
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: You got it on Facebook.
• 33:56
  Speaker 7: So it was early spring in lovely Kentucky, the bluegrass state.
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: When I.
• 34:02
  Speaker 7: When I ventured up to say hello to him and
• 34:04
  Speaker 7: strike up conversation, and he was in rare form. So
• 34:08
  Speaker 7: I asked him, you know. Well, he noticed that I
• 34:11
  Speaker 7: was recording him on video, which I thought he was
• 34:13
  Speaker 7: too dumb to do.
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: You're stealing his soul.
• 34:16
  Speaker 7: Yeah, well, this is why you don't take your enemy
• 34:19
  Speaker 7: for granted. Because he knew. And he's like, hey, man,
• 34:21
  Speaker 7: what's that little red light? I'm like, oh, it just
• 34:23
  Speaker 7: has a red light. I'm not recording you. And he
• 34:26
  Speaker 7: bought it. So I continued. And I don't remember exactly
• 34:30
  Speaker 7: how I brought it up, but I think I was
• 34:31
  Speaker 7: going to Oaks at this point. I asked him, you know,
• 34:33
  Speaker 7: are you going to Oaks? And he's like, nah, man,
• 34:36
  Speaker 7: why are you going? I'm like, well, you know, you
• 34:37
  Speaker 7: get to see a lot of breasts in the infield.
• 34:40
  Speaker 6: It's a classy event.
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: Tickle bitties.
• 34:43
  Speaker 7: Tickle bitties. Which struck up a great conversation with him.
• 34:48
  Speaker 7: He asked me directions to a motel in town, a
• 34:51
  Speaker 7: motel down in PRP, and that's Pleasure Ridge Park for
• 34:55
  Speaker 7: anybody living in that sad, sad part of town.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: We're sorry.
• 34:58
  Speaker 7: So I asked him, you know, why do you want
• 35:00
  Speaker 7: to go down there? And he said that he knew
• 35:02
  Speaker 7: a girl from work. who was going to let him
• 35:04
  Speaker 7: copulate with her, perform fellatio, analinguist, you know, all the
• 35:08
  Speaker 7: good stuff.
• 35:09
  Speaker 6: Sure.
• 35:09
  Speaker 7: And he asked me what I knew about and how
• 35:11
  Speaker 7: to protect himself against AIDS, which.
• 35:14
  Speaker 6: I thought was a good question.
• 35:16
  Speaker 7: I would ask somebody if I didn't know, but this
• 35:18
  Speaker 7: is the kind of people that we're working with here.
• 35:20
  Speaker 7: He was obviously filthy, and somebody was going to let
• 35:25
  Speaker 7: him defile her. Supposedly. Supposedly. And she even had AIDS
• 35:30
  Speaker 7: to begin with, but he loved her breasts. And, you know,
• 35:33
  Speaker 7: this is.
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: Wait, wait, wait. He knew that she had AIDS?
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he knew.
• 35:36
  Speaker 7: He knew straight up.
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: So he's going into this, knowing that she has AIDS
• 35:38
  Speaker 5: and wants to know how to.
• 35:40
  Speaker 7: You can hear it in the audio while I'm talking
• 35:42
  Speaker 7: to him.
• 35:42
  Speaker 10: Nice.
• 35:43
  Speaker 6: Nice.
• 35:44
  Speaker 7: But this is literally, like, towards the end, this is
• 35:46
  Speaker 7: what kept me coming to Suncoast. This is what kept
• 35:48
  Speaker 7: me hiding movies in the TV cabinet.
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: Shh, don't give away your secrets.
• 35:54
  Speaker 7: Can't let them know how I got.
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: I wonder if I can still hide stuff there at
• 35:56
  Speaker 6: the house.
• 35:58
  Speaker 7: It's gone. I'm actually really sorry. I'm really sad about
• 36:00
  Speaker 7: that piece being missing.
• 36:01
  Speaker 6: I'd throw some jeans in there.
• 36:03
  Speaker 7: But I think, okay, so the culmination for him, and
• 36:05
  Speaker 7: the last time that I ever had a sighting, you know,
• 36:07
  Speaker 7: it's a lot like UFOs.
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: I was driving. Bigfoot, actually, more accurately.
• 36:11
  Speaker 7: My car died. Time stopped. And I saw a McDonald's man.
• 36:14
  Speaker 7: The last time I saw him, he came in to
• 36:17
  Speaker 7: tell us goodbye, basically, because he knew he wasn't coming back.
• 36:20
  Speaker 7: And he let us know that he had been let
• 36:22
  Speaker 7: go from McDonald's. And we asked why. And he said
• 36:26
  Speaker 7: that he was mopping the floor, as he was told,
• 36:29
  Speaker 7: when he began to have a flashback of being in
• 36:32
  Speaker 7: the military, which I do not think that he was.
• 36:34
  Speaker 6: I would hope not.
• 36:35
  Speaker 7: And he was in a special branch of the military,
• 36:38
  Speaker 7: and I don't know what it's called, but it's the
• 36:39
  Speaker 7: guard where they have the guns and they perform cute
• 36:41
  Speaker 7: little tricks with them. They flip them around.
• 36:44
  Speaker 6: Color guard?
• 36:44
  Speaker 7: Color guard.
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: There we go.
• 36:47
  Speaker 7: He was mopping the floor when he had this flashback,
• 36:49
  Speaker 7: so I can only imagine that he was holding a
• 36:51
  Speaker 7: wet mop and flipping it around, getting dirty fucking McDonald's
• 36:55
  Speaker 7: floor water on patrons of McDonald's.
• 36:58
  Speaker 6: If there's something more gross than our carpet, it's McDonald's floor.
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: And I'm sure he was probably yelling out the Kegels,
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: and I can see him on into it, stomping around.
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: probably goose stepping i know what he's doing goose stepping.
• 37:15
  Speaker 7: I love i love mcdonald's man and that makes me
• 37:19
  Speaker 7: happy because this is why i don't go to mcdonald's
• 37:21
  Speaker 7: i would expect to have this done to me and
• 37:23
  Speaker 7: for anybody that was dumb enough to go there they
• 37:25
  Speaker 7: deserve to have it done thank you mcdonald's man if
• 37:28
  Speaker 7: you're out there if you can hear this i want
• 37:31
  Speaker 7: you to know that you made my childhood.
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: Do you remember that he would um Usually, it seemed
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: like it was fairly common that one of the first
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: things he would do is ask for a paper towel.
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: Because it almost felt like he was taking his breaks
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: at our store. Because usually, he would clean his glasses.
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: And by clean his glasses, I mean he would lick
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: the bejesus.
• 37:54
  Speaker 6: Out of his glasses.
• 37:55
  Speaker 7: He was making out to them.
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: There was... yeah there was um there was juices and
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: then he would use the paper towel you know that
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: we give him to kind of clean it and um
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: oh yeah oh yeah oh no shame about noises no
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: whatever big mac whatever he inhaled you know minutes before
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: putting that special sauce all over the glasses.
• 38:16
  Speaker 7: I got some of that lettuce all over my limb.
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: Do you remember him stretching?
• 38:20
  Speaker 7: Do you remember sometimes he would.
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: Come in and stretch?
• 38:22
  Speaker 7: I forgot it was. At least he was being healthy.
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: It would be like jazzercise. I don't mean like, you know.
• 38:26
  Speaker 7: White people don't exercise. At least he was.
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: Sometimes he'd lean on a wall and do your kind
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: of like runner kind of stuff. But other times, didn't
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: he do it in front of the store once? In
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: front of the glass where he's like doing jumping jacks.
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: He is in the front of our store window in
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: the McDonald's gear. Doing jumping jacks.
• 38:44
  Speaker 7: Full on jumping jacks.
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: You know, like squat thrusts. And I just, oh my gosh.
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: I saw him laying on the floor once. Again, like
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: straight as a board on his back on the floor.
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: Holding his mirror up, you know, so he could look
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: at himself. Picking his hair. Oh, the hair picking. He
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: was like straightening his hair.
• 39:01
  Speaker 7: The hair picking.
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: In the mirror, like laying on the floor.
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: On that note, something similar to that.
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: And there he is.
• 39:12
  Speaker 6: Laying out on the floor.
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: Arms crossed on his chest. Glasses to the side. Just
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: like napping.
• 39:19
  Speaker 7: He would always line up the movies as if they
• 39:21
  Speaker 7: were the audience and he was the film.
• 39:24
  Speaker 6: He's certainly more entertaining than most of the movies we carried.
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: So how about his Tourette's Syndrome? What crazy stuff did
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: you guys hear come out of his mouth?
• 39:33
  Speaker 7: He would yell some crazy shit.
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: Do I have the best one then?
• 39:38
  Speaker 7: You probably have.
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: The best one.
• 39:40
  Speaker 6: I don't remember specifics.
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: There was this one time I was ringing him up.
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: Oh God, let me get this straight in my head.
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: It's so random.
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: I don't... He's laid out on the floor in this shot, too.
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: How did it go? Just out of nowhere. I didn't
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: ask him a question. Just out of nowhere, he goes,
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: I didn't mean to call it a president, but it's
• 40:00
  Speaker 5: just that I thought Miss Piggy was going to nuke Russia.
• 40:04
  Speaker 5: Something just completely random like that. And I was like, hey, man,
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: you know, I mean, sometimes you got to let someone know.
• 40:11
  Speaker 6: You know. If you see something, say something. You know.
• 40:15
  Speaker 6: Don't ask, don't tell him. If he sees something, say something.
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: I mean, just the stuff that would come out of
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: his mouth, you're just like, oh my God, I don't
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: know what to say back. Like, I really don't know
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: what to say back right now.
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: Well, I mean, the best thing about him is this
• 40:30
  Speaker 6: was that era of new technology when you just got
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: your cyber shot.
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: 3.2 megapixel.
• 40:35
  Speaker 6: And you got, at least we have these photos.
• 40:38
  Speaker 13: At least.
• 40:39
  Speaker 6: But of all these special characters, we've been talking about
• 40:43
  Speaker 6: these many episodes now. This is the only one we
• 40:46
  Speaker 6: have actual moving footage of. And thankfully, the thing is,
• 40:50
  Speaker 6: by the way, that camera, the video quality doesn't quite
• 40:54
  Speaker 6: hold up. It looks really bad.
• 40:56
  Speaker 7: Good.
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: But the audio is just fine.
• 40:59
  Speaker 7: This is like whenever somebody gets a video of a
• 41:03
  Speaker 7: UFO on TV, it's like, quick, let's get the worst
• 41:05
  Speaker 7: camera possible. The Hubble Space Telescope used the shittiest camera
• 41:09
  Speaker 7: on it.
• 41:10
  Speaker 6: So I believe there's two, and I think this is
• 41:13
  Speaker 6: the first one. Do I even try to spin it around?
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: I mean, you can't tell what's going on almost, but
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: let's see.
• 41:20
  Speaker 7: I'm basically holding it in my pocket.
• 41:22
  Speaker 6: At least we have some sort of audio captured of
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: this special character. Here we go with McDonald's Man.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: Damn hands-on.
• 41:35
  Speaker 7: Hey, man, remember the other day when you asked me
• 41:37
  Speaker 7: about trick things? Is that a ball you're more than.
• 41:39
  Speaker 10: No, there's no volume.
• 41:40
  Speaker 8: You sure?
• 41:41
  Speaker 7: Yeah. Where's the Trixie at? It doesn't, it takes, you
• 41:45
  Speaker 7: have to go print them out at Walgreens. This kid
• 41:48
  Speaker 7: went to Trixie's with me, man.
• 41:49
  Speaker 9: Oh, you went there? Yeah.
• 41:50
  Speaker 8: Okay, what happened?
• 41:52
  Speaker 7: Nothing big, man.
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: What happened when you went?
• 41:54
  Speaker 10: Um, there's punks in there, man. I told punks they
• 41:57
  Speaker 10: can't come in there. Did God bother?
• 41:58
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Bad business for a whore town, man.
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: Bad business for a whore town.
• 42:04
  Speaker 7: Have you ever seen Pity's thing yet?
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: People got the AIDS and stuff.
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: Is that a bag of McDonald's?
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: What hotel is that?
• 42:30
  Speaker 7: Best one down the street.
• 42:31
  Speaker 13: Holiday Inn.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're talking about Hershborn?
• 42:34
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: So, uh, give her.
• 42:37
  Speaker 7: Do you ever whore yourself out? No, I'm going to
• 42:40
  Speaker 7: get a chick's phone number.
• 42:41
  Speaker 6: We're going to.
• 42:41
  Speaker 10: Go to a hotel or something. Remember what I was
• 42:45
  Speaker 10: telling you. Yeah, you're a player, man.
• 42:48
  Speaker 8: Yeah, you're a player.
• 42:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 42:51
  Speaker 10: Oh, shit.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: I think I'm sweating. I think the giant button pinned
• 42:55
  Speaker 6: on his sleeve.
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: Not even, like, facing forward. Off to the side. I
• 43:10
  Speaker 6: think it's a big metal button.
• 43:12
  Speaker 7: Like, that's... You want to know what that button's bad for?
• 43:15
  Speaker 7: It's bad business for Hotan.
• 43:17
  Speaker 6: Bad business for Hotan. All right, so... Is that a
• 43:22
  Speaker 6: bag of McDonald's? I, you know.
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: It's like he has a bag of something. I don't
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: know if that's just, like, keep his stuff in. Is
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: that his bag of mirrors?
• 43:31
  Speaker 6: Might have been. See, now this one, this next one,
• 43:34
  Speaker 6: you get to see a little more of his special...
• 43:37
  Speaker 6: because I think this is the one where he's laying
• 43:40
  Speaker 6: on the floor when you approach him at least this
• 43:42
  Speaker 6: one he was upright that we just listened to but
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: this next one he's laying on the floor when you
• 43:46
  Speaker 6: approach him and as you start talking to him he
• 43:48
  Speaker 6: starts gathering up and I look and he had change
• 43:52
  Speaker 6: all over the floor so this is the as you
• 43:58
  Speaker 6: mentioned this is the post-Oaks one if I'm correct and
• 44:01
  Speaker 6: you get to talk about the lovely women you saw
• 44:04
  Speaker 6: there we'll put it I was a very bad child.
• 44:09
  Speaker 7: Hey, man, can I talk to you for a minute? Hey, man,
• 44:12
  Speaker 7: I went to Oaks yesterday.
• 44:13
  Speaker 8: I got some news, man.
• 44:14
  Speaker 13: What's the news?
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: I got a lawsuit, man, for a Ford Motor Company
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: in budget.
• 44:17
  Speaker 6: I was wondering if you were in there. Yeah. And
• 44:21
  Speaker 6: they're going to help me get some money back for
• 44:22
  Speaker 6: my right-of-way car.
• 44:24
  Speaker 12: They're overcharging me right now.
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: Wow, look at all that money. Yeah, I'm in the change.
• 44:30
  Speaker 6: For real? Yeah.
• 44:33
  Speaker 10: I called a Ford Motor Company on their telephone.
• 44:35
  Speaker 8: A Ford Motor Company?
• 44:36
  Speaker 6: Uh-huh.
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I told him to send me a brochure.
• 44:40
  Speaker 6: I asked him to help me get some of my
• 44:42
  Speaker 6: money back.
• 44:44
  Speaker 7: That's awesome, dude.
• 44:45
  Speaker 13: What did you win?
• 44:47
  Speaker 7: I went to Oaks last night.
• 44:48
  Speaker 8: Where was that at?
• 44:49
  Speaker 7: Oaks, the derby.
• 44:50
  Speaker 6: Oh, oh.
• 44:51
  Speaker 7: Oh, man.
• 44:52
  Speaker 10: What happened? Oh, man.
• 44:53
  Speaker 7: Bad, man. What do you think happened?
• 44:56
  Speaker 10: I went to the track track.
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: Did you really?
• 44:59
  Speaker 10: I bet everybody did.
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: That's awesome.
• 45:02
  Speaker 7: So did you win?
• 45:02
  Speaker 10: Uh, it's not over.
• 45:04
  Speaker 6: Oh, yeah, that's right.
• 45:06
  Speaker 7: That's so good, dude. That's so good.
• 45:08
  Speaker 10: That's so good.
• 45:21
  Speaker 7: And with that, he was gone.
• 45:50
  Speaker 5: I wasn't going to give you the moves for free
• 45:52
  Speaker 5: I just gave you a little preview.
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: You know I think equally as entertaining is like the
• 46:00
  Speaker 6: much younger version of you carrying on with it.
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: Being awful egging him on is equally as entertaining.
• 46:10
  Speaker 6: Thank god Deanna never saw it yeah really and even
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: more impressive is if there's one thing that our classy
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: Kentucky Derby is known for it's it's pizza Nice choice,
• 46:22
  Speaker 6: by the way.
• 46:23
  Speaker 7: I probably just had two pieces of Sparrow.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, every day.
• 46:26
  Speaker 6: You left the mall with your Sparrow and took it
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: to the Oaks.
• 46:29
  Speaker 8: Guarantees?
• 46:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's what you're doing. Sparrow's a little jealous. That
• 46:32
  Speaker 6: double-stuffed flip-over pizza. That shit was crazy, yo.
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: Didn't Big Mama meet once? Wasn't there a time that
• 46:38
  Speaker 5: I think they were both at the counter at the
• 46:40
  Speaker 5: same time and we both kind of sat back and
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: watched them kind of converse?
• 46:43
  Speaker 7: That's like a turco company kind of thing.
• 46:46
  Speaker 6: They should get that together for that new one. I mean.
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: That's what they need. I'm telling you, it looks pretty awesome.
• 46:55
  Speaker 6: I don't know. Can you follow that? I think he
• 46:58
  Speaker 6: says everything he needs to say about himself at this point.
• 47:02
  Speaker 6: I don't think, yeah. That's why I wanted to put
• 47:07
  Speaker 6: this together. I think we need to capture this ridiculous
• 47:12
  Speaker 6: thing that we were involved in. We need to document it.
• 47:16
  Speaker 6: We need to catalog these weirdos so we can keep
• 47:19
  Speaker 6: track of them.
• 47:19
  Speaker 5: It's so surreal. People won't understand unless they do work
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: customer service in one of these, like I said, it's
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: like these niche things that have... If you just work
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: at a fashion clothing store, yeah, there's people that really
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: like fashion, but I don't see anyone in fashion being...
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: particularly weird.
• 47:39
  Speaker 6: Maybe again like you're like little ladies that come in
• 47:41
  Speaker 6: and want some weird thing but like yeah i don't
• 47:44
  Speaker 6: see the weird like weird levels that you get when
• 47:48
  Speaker 6: you get into the little like you touch.
• 47:50
  Speaker 12: Things like movies and video games yeah.
• 47:53
  Speaker 7: It's special to have the people that boil to the top.
• 47:56
  Speaker 6: Well that's what i remember we talked about that like
• 47:58
  Speaker 6: that's what dave uh the other dave dave c dave
• 48:01
  Speaker 6: c that's what he'd said like he's just like they
• 48:04
  Speaker 6: they exist in a different mind space and that's why
• 48:07
  Speaker 6: they're almost always drawn to the movie places even worse
• 48:10
  Speaker 6: than anything else because he'd worked like rental before and
• 48:13
  Speaker 6: he'd like it's like it's the same type of people
• 48:15
  Speaker 6: it wasn't the same people but it was like he
• 48:17
  Speaker 6: would see the same kind of behavior and it's like
• 48:20
  Speaker 6: they have such a weird disconnect with reality anyway that
• 48:24
  Speaker 6: they're almost drawn to these other worlds and these other...
• 48:27
  Speaker 6: The suspension of disbelief is so intense that it.
• 48:30
  Speaker 5: Never turns back on. So it's like they're drawn to it.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: They're in the movie still.
• 48:35
  Speaker 7: So thank you, Misty Monday, for bringing these people out.
• 48:38
  Speaker 7: If you're out there in internet land... I hope she is.
• 48:41
  Speaker 7: I want you to sign my copy of Mummy Raider.
• 48:44
  Speaker 6: I'm sticking with Playmate of the Age.
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: There was nothing like carding 16-year-olds to want to buy
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: Girls Gone Wild.
• 48:50
  Speaker 7: It's like you can get such better pornography somewhere else.
• 48:53
  Speaker 6: Well, especially now. You don't have to leave your house.
• 48:55
  Speaker 6: I mean, why would you? This was, again, a little
• 49:00
  Speaker 6: different era.
• 49:00
  Speaker 7: We worked in a magical time. You know, a time
• 49:02
  Speaker 7: period before YouTube, before Google.
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: Before cell phones. Before cell phones, yeah. Obviously, they were around,
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: but they were just starting to be commonplace. Only the
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: rich could have them.
• 49:10
  Speaker 7: Nobody bought from us.
• 49:11
  Speaker 12: No.
• 49:13
  Speaker 7: Except Coffee Fucker.
• 49:14
  Speaker 6: Wow. I hate that guy.
• 49:16
  Speaker 7: Still has my home theater system.
• 49:18
  Speaker 6: Oh i'm sure he's upgraded now i'm a motherfucker something
• 49:21
  Speaker 6: new that would put you to 10 years.
• 49:23
  Speaker 7: I got the sweet BenQ DLP home cinema. I got
• 49:26
  Speaker 7: a 30 foot projection screen.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: Just reduce you to tears.
• 49:29
  Speaker 6: Shoot it on the back of the garage.
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: He could have done construction or something. Like I want to,
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: he just had, didn't he have like the yellow dirt?
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: The air, the air of the construction work. He was like,
• 49:37
  Speaker 5: you know, a contractor or something for construction.
• 49:40
  Speaker 6: I didn't even see him being that. No, he just
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: seems like.
• 49:43
  Speaker 7: I swear he invented the disc doctor.
• 49:45
  Speaker 6: That might be it. Cause yeah, he didn't seem like
• 49:47
  Speaker 6: he was even like handy. He didn't seem, like I
• 49:49
  Speaker 6: don't see him doing anything like real world like he
• 49:53
  Speaker 6: just seemed like he loitered around all day like i
• 49:55
  Speaker 6: don't i'm thinking yeah lawsuit i think he just got
• 49:58
  Speaker 6: a big settlement never had to work again military i
• 50:04
  Speaker 6: don't see him no i don't see him military either
• 50:07
  Speaker 6: he didn't seem disciplined enough oh man So, I don't know.
• 50:14
  Speaker 6: What have we learned from all this? Don't work retail.
• 50:17
  Speaker 7: Or don't respect people that haven't worked retail.
• 50:20
  Speaker 6: That's a good one. Yeah, both of those, actually. Don't
• 50:23
  Speaker 6: work retail. And if you've ever had to deal with
• 50:27
  Speaker 6: somebody like this, it sort of puts your whole life
• 50:31
  Speaker 6: in perspective. And you do have a little more respect
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: for people who do that on a daily basis. Don't
• 50:37
  Speaker 6: go postal.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: It makes me look.
• 50:38
  Speaker 5: At comedy different. Like, kind of like when I was
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: kind of alluding earlier, like, You know, I feel like
• 50:44
  Speaker 5: maybe when I was still in high school and stuff
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: like that.
• 50:46
  Speaker 7: Earlier, you mean weeks ago.
• 50:47
  Speaker 6: A long time ago.
• 50:50
  Speaker 5: You know, if you watch, I don't know, like a
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: Saturday Night Live skit or a movie, you know, something
• 50:54
  Speaker 5: Jim Carrey-esque, something where someone's just being ridiculous and you're
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: just like, oh, this is so over the top. And
• 51:01
  Speaker 5: then you meet one in real life. Like, you really,
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: that's what these people are. You meet one in real
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: life where you're just like, this isn't real. This isn't
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: real life. People don't actually behave like this. And it's like,
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: but they do.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: They do.
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: Those people are actually out there. And they probably like
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: something really dorky like movies or video.
• 51:24
  Speaker 6: Games or music.
• 51:24
  Speaker 7: Sold the shells of a lost humanity, repeating the only
• 51:27
  Speaker 7: thing their body knows how to do. Thank you, Dawn
• 51:32
  Speaker 7: of the Dead.
• 51:34
  Speaker 6: And somehow we get lost in the middle of a
• 51:37
  Speaker 6: John Waters movie.
• 51:38
  Speaker 7: I love John Waters.
• 51:39
  Speaker 6: That's what I'm saying. But some, like his crazy characters,
• 51:42
  Speaker 6: sometimes you look at people like these we've been running
• 51:45
  Speaker 6: through and it's like, that's not, that's not a joke. Like,
• 51:48
  Speaker 6: it's slightly tweaked at best. Yeah, I mean, there's just,
• 51:54
  Speaker 6: there's a lot of amazing people out there, most of
• 51:56
  Speaker 6: which I don't know that I want to hang out with.
• 51:59
  Speaker 6: But when you view them, you know, much like a
• 52:01
  Speaker 6: Bigfoot sighting, you're just like, oh my God, I can't
• 52:04
  Speaker 6: believe that happened.
• 52:05
  Speaker 5: Hopefully you got a witness.
• 52:06
  Speaker 7: But before we wrap up, If anybody out there in
• 52:08
  Speaker 7: internet land needs an Entertainment Weekly subscription.
• 52:12
  Speaker 6: I've got actually at home I have a blank tape.
• 52:17
  Speaker 6: I found it in my moving of stuff which I'm
• 52:19
  Speaker 6: constantly doing. I found it still sealed mind you. So
• 52:22
  Speaker 6: if anybody needs a blank VHS tape I can hook
• 52:25
  Speaker 6: you up.
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: You need to put that in a time capsule.
• 52:27
  Speaker 6: I get some points I think at work if I
• 52:30
  Speaker 6: push it on somebody.
• 52:31
  Speaker 5: Do you have anything that plays it?
• 52:34
  Speaker 6: Actually I think The one I have at home still functions.
• 52:37
  Speaker 7: I still have my LaserDisc player.
• 52:38
  Speaker 6: Oh, I still have my LaserDisc.
• 52:39
  Speaker 7: It doesn't have an HDMI cable hookup, though, which is
• 52:42
  Speaker 7: a shame.
• 52:42
  Speaker 5: Did they even have S-Video? No. I forget. That's what's
• 52:46
  Speaker 5: so ironic. We have digital technology, but it's.
• 52:48
  Speaker 6: Still on RF, wasn't it?
• 52:49
  Speaker 7: I had the Monster RF cable.
• 52:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah. Wow. I've still got my LaserDisc hooked up. And
• 52:55
  Speaker 6: the last time I tried that VHS, it actually worked.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: Because I watched a movie on it.
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: Old school. Good times. It's pretty sad.
• 53:04
  Speaker 6: Alright, have we rounded this thing out? For now, until
• 53:08
  Speaker 6: we have some sort of new repressed memory surface, we
• 53:12
  Speaker 6: think we've knocked out all of our at least collective freaks.
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: We'll go in the back room and put that on
• 53:17
  Speaker 5: the special features.
• 53:18
  Speaker 6: There's still some other ones out there. I've got at
• 53:26
  Speaker 6: least one more grouping from the other store that I
• 53:29
  Speaker 6: need to get the appropriate people together to be able
• 53:31
  Speaker 6: to recreate these stories, but think we've in these this
• 53:35
  Speaker 6: series we've knocked out most of our it took weeks
• 53:39
  Speaker 6: yeah it's it's a great undertaking to try to you
• 53:43
  Speaker 6: know go through these characters it's it's a lot to
• 53:46
  Speaker 6: deal with thank you for sharing that journey don't you
• 53:51
  Speaker 6: feel like i've been ho now start talking the mightiest
• 53:56
  Speaker 6: listener that ever was.
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: We need to find a way to, like, auto-tune one
• 53:59
  Speaker 5: of us to sound like Ivan Ho for the whole podcast.
• 54:01
  Speaker 7: I listen to your podcast, and if Chi-Chi's out there,
• 54:03
  Speaker 7: I just.
• 54:03
  Speaker 5: Want her to know I love her.
• 54:05
  Speaker 6: Chi-Chi, give me a call. That's all I'm saying.
• 54:08
  Speaker 5: He should just, he should do, like, film commentary. Like,
• 54:12
  Speaker 5: you don't even need Mystery Science Theater. Just, like, sit
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: him down and be like, tell us about this. Like,
• 54:18
  Speaker 5: play the movie with the volume down. Be like, tell
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: us about what you see. I mean, just let him
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: do like, oh, audiobooks.
• 54:23
  Speaker 6: He should do audiobooks.
• 54:26
  Speaker 5: How great would that be?
• 54:28
  Speaker 6: Audible, you need to get a hold of this guy.
• 54:31
  Speaker 6: He could drive your stock through the roof.
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 54:37
  Speaker 6: Alright, well, again, I think that rounds out this collection
• 54:42
  Speaker 6: of freaks, but I'm sure we'll return with more somewhere
• 54:45
  Speaker 6: down the line. If not, with other dorky movie talk.
• 54:50
  Speaker 6: So with that, I believe that wraps it up. Otherwise,
• 54:53
  Speaker 6: we will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed.
• 54:55
  Speaker 6: Thanks for listening. You poor bastards.
• 55:02
  Speaker 13: McDonald's is a place to rock. It is a restaurant
• 55:06
  Speaker 13: where they buy food to eat. It is a good
• 55:09
  Speaker 13: place to listen to the music. People flock here to
• 55:12
  Speaker 13: get down to the rock music.
• 55:16
  Speaker 9: Rock and roll McDonald's, rock and roll McDonald's, rock and
• 55:23
  Speaker 9: roll McDonald's, rock and roll McDonald's.
• 55:30
  Speaker 13: McDonald's will make you fat, they serve Big Macs, they
• 55:33
  Speaker 13: serve Quarter Pounders, they will put pounds on.
• 55:36
  Speaker 9: You Rock and roll McDonald's. Rock and roll McDonald's. Rock
• 55:45
  Speaker 9: and roll McDonald's. Rock and roll McDonald's.
• 56:13
  Speaker 10: Thank you. Thank you.
• 56:40
  Speaker 13: McDonald's hamburgers are the worst. They are worse than Burger King.
• 56:46
  Speaker 13: A Big Mac has 26 grams of fat. A Quarter
• 56:49
  Speaker 13: Pounder has 28 grams of fat.
• 56:52
  Speaker 9: Rock and roll McDonald's. Rock and roll McDonald's. Rock and
• 56:58
  Speaker 9: roll McDonald's. Rock and roll McDonald's.
• 57:06
  Speaker 8: Rock over London. Rock on Chicago.
• 57:10
  Speaker 7: I'm hot, too. Why is it so hot in here?
• 57:19
  Speaker 7: I think we started... I got warm as soon as
• 57:21
  Speaker 7: we started talking about McDonald's.
• 57:22
  Speaker 6: I think that's what it is. It just got y'all excited.
• 57:25
  Speaker 5: Again, you know, we were just snippy, snide people. I remember...
• 57:30
  Speaker 5: Thank you, ma'am. Again, griping both cell phones.
• 57:33
  Speaker 6: It might have been the same day.
• 57:34
  Speaker 5: And a family of four... Mom, dad, daughter, and son.
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 57:41
  Speaker 5: I guess it was with you. All four of them
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: were on their own cell phones. Walking around the mall together,
• 57:48
  Speaker 5: but all four of them were on their own cell phones.
• 57:53
  Speaker 6: Meatloaf! Okay.
• 57:57
  Speaker 7: Mom Meatloaf.
• 57:59
  Speaker 5: Mom Meatloaf!
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown. Produced and
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: edited by The Oddity Studios. with opening music performed by
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: Talk hard!