Latest / Alien Hunters Hotline! / S1 E7: The Insider at Boeing (w/ Tim Lamphier)

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S1 E7: The Insider at Boeing (w/ Tim Lamphier) · Alien Hunters Hotline!

• speaker-0: Welcome to Alien Hunters Hotline, a podcast and hotline dedicated to all things aliens, but most importantly, finding and killing them. I'm former radio host and aspiring MacGyver type, Roy Dunch. With me as always is wielder of knives, nunchucks, and boomerangs, our field researcher, Bleep. speaker-1: Yeah, I talk here. good morning. Good morning. Afternoon. Well and and I guess the thing is is it could be any time because this podcast can be played. So right now it's morning for me, but for you the listener, it could be anything, and that's the magic of the art. speaker-0: You nailed it, buddy. Great job. And of course we have with us the techno whiz who wields Wi-Fi instead of magic. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Skunk. speaker-2: That's right, Roy, and thanks for pointing out that I am holding an active Wi-Fi router just so we have the best signal. I do speaker-0: That's a Y Fry router, you said? speaker-2: it's a Wi-Fi router. Wi-Fry router, it also is an air fryer. Which is speaker-1: Well which is it, dammit? Which speaker-2: can use it for sure. So it's an an air fryer, it's also a wifi router, and I'm glad you asked that. And we were talking about time earlier, and You sure you can listen to the podcast at any time, but I hope you're listening around Halloween time, aka the spooky season. I've decided to get into Halloween this year. speaker-0: This is huge 'cause we've been really waiting for Skunk to get into Halloween. It's been really hard. speaker-1: We've been pitching a group costume even when Roy wasn't living here. We've been trying to do a trio thing for decades. speaker-2: I was always like, I don't know if three ratatouilles will work. But what I do know is that I I it it seemed like everybody's doing something and I didn't want to jump on board. But what really got me into it was seeing those big skeletons. I loved seeing those big skeletons and I tried to make my own at iHop, so I did one with skin. speaker-0: so okay, so hold on. So you've tried to make a one of those Home Depot twelve foot skeletons with skin? And speaker-2: That's right. speaker-0: do they sell skin at IHOP? Where are you getting the skin from? I'm just sort of curious about that. speaker-2: Old couches, old couches, so yeah, leather, a aka skin. I've Yeah. speaker-1: He was skinning couches and he was also collecting the skin flakes, right, Roy? So he's combining the skin flakes and the leather, and he's making he's trying to make a giant human being. He's claiming that he's doing this for Halloween. My theory is that Skunk is trying to make a homunculus, and so he wants to make the biggest homunculus that's ever existed. And so this is kind of his dry run. I don't believe a word he's saying about wanting to do a costume. I think he's I think he's getting into Halloween so he can make sort of a giant manservant out of leather and skin. Flakes and probably some sort of dark ritual, but speaker-2: Who does? speaker-1: do the costume, he's gonna do the costume, and that is fine with me. Now one clarifying note is that Ratatouille is the dish, Remy is the mouse. So speaker-0: And of course we're going as three of the bowl of ratatouille's right. speaker-2: We have the ball of ratitude. speaker-1: Yes, unaffiliated with Pixar. We just like the food. speaker-2: Explicitly unaffiliated. I would never want to be affiliated with Pixar. speaker-0: Not for a second. Okay? Bob Iger, if you're still there, or if you have been not been bought by Skydance or whatever the news is saying. speaker-1: Yeah, and Bob Iger, if you're even a human and you're probably not, you're probably an alien in disguise. Eat shit. speaker-0: Yeah, that's really the discussion we need to have. I'm sorry. You're the CEO of a company that starts buying other companies? Sounds kinda like an alien virus to me. speaker-1: And you're getting into the minds of children with television shows? Kinda sounds like an alien to me. Skunk, do you wanna do one? 'Cause Roy and I both kinda did a sounds like an alien to me. speaker-2: So if you're if you're eating too many onions at a onion batch sounds like an alien to me. speaker-0: Just completely unrelated, but I love the energy. Onion patch, sure. So skunk, with the wi fry machine you have, is that going to be what brings life into this twelve foot tall homunculus? speaker-2: It's not homiculous. speaker-0: It's just a skeleton with skin on it. speaker-2: It's it's not homunculous and it I feel very passionately that it's it's not part of that project. It's just a skeleton with skin on it outside of an IHAP. So come down, check it out, and don't think about it any further. 'Cause there's nothing more there to think about. speaker-1: Someone is in a little bit of a mood today. Seems like we've got ourselves a little moody podcast. speaker-2: We're talking about Halloween, I was so excited about Halloween and I was saying I was hungry! speaker-1: Okay, I'm speaker-0: That's true. That's true. speaker-1: that's how I was interpreting the situation, but if you just wanna talk about Halloween, we can just talk about Halloween. Have you finished your ratatouille costume? speaker-2: I have finished all of the parts that need sewing. I haven't finished the parts that need stuffing. speaker-1: You sewed it first and you're gonna stuff it after Yeah. speaker-2: It's yeah, yeah. speaker-1: You You're gonna have to start over because you have to do the stuffing first. And then you sew it. speaker-2: No, I know, and it's guys I'm just that's why I'm so moody, guys. I'm s I'm I'm being honest. I was planning on having a really open weekend next weekend and now I gotta redo all this stuff. So I I I apologize. speaker-0: have to just ask, how are you guys making your ratatouille costume? Because I picked up one of those dog collars that you give a dog after it's been fixed so that it doesn't lick itself. And I painted that blue, a cone. I painted that blue and I was just gonna dump actual food into it. And that's gonna be my ratatouille. I was just thinking, I was just gonna be a bowl of ratatouille. speaker-1: We should have aligned. speaker-2: We should have allowed. speaker-1: I was making a really aggressive multi stitch plush costume and then I gave Skunk the schematics. I've gotten into sewing is what I okay. speaker-0: Let's start from the beginning. A different use of knives than I've heard out of you, Bleep. speaker-1: I've been taking classes at the community center, as you guys know, poetry and some songwriting. And they had a sewing class and they said, What do you want to make? And I said, I want to sew a costume that looks like a bowl of ratatouille. And they said, That's probably level three or level four. And I and I I grabbed him by the shirt and I said, I don't care about levels. I wanna make the costume. So I've been thrown out of the community center for a little bit, but I took some of their needles and their thread and I've been sewing it. speaker-0: That's I'm proud of you. I'm a little upset that the etiquette lesson that we all had together didn't stick really, but you know, that's just the bleep kinda way. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it not grab people by the collar and yell it in their face. speaker-2: I love that expression roy, it really rolls off the tongue and I'm excited to use it in the future. speaker-1: I told ya he's he's fucking snappy. He is just speaker-2: That was genuine! speaker-1: I don't know. speaker-0: It's just It's hard to tell. It's when he's in this mood, it's hard to tell. I you know You know what you know what's worth being in a good mood about though? I don't know if you guys have seen going around town, if you have been getting this kind of attention I've been getting, but it seems like the Kathy Chud popularity episode got us a few more listeners. I think people are drawn to Kathy Chud. I think people are seeing the effort. I think I don't really know how to check the data. Maybe Skunk, that's your territory, but how many Downloads or listens to you think we've gotten since we've started this thing. speaker-2: My data has to go through three layers of security and encryption. So it takes a couple weeks to get back. And then it prints out to me. And so I've started the request. I know that we've had at least one person listen because it won't let me push the button unless one somebody's listened. So so far we've had at least one listener. I don't know who you are. I don't know how long you've listened, I don't know why you listened, but I hope it was for aliens and for answers to your questions, and I hope we did a great job. speaker-0: To our one listener, we really hope you are enjoying how the show is progressing. Skunk, you have control of the data end to end. Is there a service you're sending this out to or did you are you sending it to your own server? speaker-2: Yeah, well first it all goes to Amazon. speaker-0: Okay. Enemy territory, of course, yeah. speaker-1: Why in God's name did you bring Amazon into this? speaker-2: Sorry, the Amazon. First it goes to the Amazon. speaker-0: okay. speaker-1: Yeah, that that feels a lot more like something you would do. speaker-2: Where I've set up an entire server, a remote server, deep in the Amazon rainforest. And so right now it's one ser but if the podcast goes well, I'm trying to build my own data center. speaker-0: Whoa. A startup data center. That's they they do say that w we're really tearing apart the rainforest, but I gotta imagine that's bringing new jobs to the Amazon, right? That's the data center's bringing a lot of new jobs and construction and speaker-2: Yeah, no, so I'm hiring a lot of people to keep it cool because it runs hot. I made it myself, dropped it out of a plane, just in the middle of the forest, and then also littered some flyers around it. So I with with some instructions, so I I've I said I would pay people on IOUs if they came and dumped some water on on the data from every every couple hours to make sure we still get that. So yeah, what was the original question? speaker-1: Well first first skunk, I want to say you went above and beyond for the podcast and I appreciate the initiative that you speaker-0: I'm glad our data's secure. That's really impressive. speaker-1: So we can get data. I would like to throw out that maybe the next time you're gonna rent a plane and drop something in the Amazon River, maybe you just run that by us first, so we can all agree on it together. Do you know what I mean? speaker-0: No bleep, we agreed that Skunk is in charge of technology. He is able to have and make unilateral decisions. So maybe we need to revisit the charter. speaker-2: Thank you, Ray. speaker-1: Roy, can I talk to you for a second? The speaker-0: Yes, Bleep. What is it? speaker-1: man is making a homunculus and is dropping things out of a plane into the Amazon. I don't know when he's doing it. But if we don't get involved and sort of put up some fucking guardrails, this man is gonna take over the entire world with a homunculus and lord knows what. speaker-0: it's twelve feet tall. I d do you think that that thing could speaker-1: What if he makes a million of them? Have you can s if this is successful, do you think he's gonna stop? speaker-0: Yeah, that's a good point. It's he's like R. Oppenheimer if you think about it. speaker-1: The librarian? speaker-0: No, no, not the librarian, the guy who invented the nuclear bomb. What was his name? Franklin D. Oppenheimer, what was his name? speaker-1: Okay. Yeah, that that sounds about right to me. But all I'm saying is I think we just need to maybe not hand him the keys to the kingdom and just be able to speaker-2: You wanna try the special dish I made for today? what speaker-0: Yes, please. speaker-2: do we got? Sorry to interrupt your conversation that I'm sure was just like you catching up about each other. speaker-0: Yep, totally unrelated. speaker-2: yeah, so I made pumpkin bowl for us. I have s spooky seasoned spirit. much like a bread bowl, but it is a pumpkin and a bowl. So bon appetit. speaker-0: Whoa. This is cool 'cause this is a like a bowl and a bowl, 'cause the pumpkin is its own bowl. speaker-1: Yeah, that's what I was kind of expecting was like the pumpkin would be the bowl, but you've sort of flipped that on its head and just What the hell is that? What what the fuck is that? speaker-0: What the fuck? What is fuck? speaker-2: Both chicks. speaker-1: Get down, get everybody down, everybody down. speaker-0: We told you not to invent the bomb. Nuclear efficient isn't ready for the Earth yet. Skunk, please. speaker-2: What is the noise? speaker-1: Put your heads down. speaker-2: Guys, you know what? shit. They changed the ringer on the phone to be the sound of an ambulance. speaker-0: Why would you do that? speaker-1: Why would you make that the sound of an ambulance? speaker-2: So we wouldn't so we would know what was going on. speaker-0: And why is it a European one? speaker-1: Yeah, is that German? speaker-2: Why is it a European? speaker-0: Is it a European The last time I heard an ambulance like that while I was watching The Born Identity. speaker-1: Did you pull that ambulance sound effect from the born identity and then put it into our ringtone? speaker-2: Yes, that way we would know one, it wasn't outside coming for us. Two, that it was coming from a good place, which is the Born Identity. Great movie. Or speaker-0: Great movie. Paul Greengrass. speaker-2: either way, guys We gotta call Bo pick it up. We gotta call We Gall speaker-0: here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Skunk speaker-2: okay. speaker-0: on the ones and twos. The voice is ready. The vo Roy Dunch is ready to answer this call. Here we go. You treadstone? speaker-2: Okay, patching in. speaker-0: Am I Treadstone? Me? What the hell are you talking about? You've reached Alien Hunter's hotline. This is Roy Dunch speaking with me as always our bleepin' skunk. How can we help you? Hello? Hello, yes, hello. speaker-1: Yeah, we're here. speaker-2: This is Alien Hunters Hotline. This is Alien Hunter's Hotline. my speaker-0: The the one and only. speaker-2: god, I'm on the show! speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, yes. Yes. speaker-2: This is amazing! Guys, it's speaker-1: Hey. speaker-2: guys, it's me! It's Cooper Farg! I didn't know we were getting the gang back together. From high school Cooper Farg, I was the fourth bandito in the group. Or speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: I was trying to be, if y'all remember y'all remember. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, hey. speaker-2: It's so good to hear your voice. Skunk, I can't believe it, you're still alive! And game my god! speaker-0: Cooper we don't Cooper We're gonna have to pay for that bleep now 'cause that's we we don't we don't say we don't say his name on this doesn't go back. speaker-2: He doesn't go by g anymore. speaker-1: No, speaker-2: Always knew you'd be getting married, g you're the marrying type. speaker-1: Yeah, if you say gay one more time, I'm gonna fucking kill you. So just say boy speaker-0: That's gonna be this episode just got financially devastated. speaker-1: Fuck, that's gonna cost us a lot of money. speaker-2: We have to actually pay for those bleeps. my god. It's so good to hear your guys' voices. I can't believe it. speaker-1: Cooper, yeah, it's great that's let's explain a couple of things though, bud. It's just speaker-2: Just like it was in high school, we're just back to our old way speaker-1: It is and it isn't, you know? It isn't it isn't. so it's bleep now because I don't want the government to know who I am at all ever. So you just call me bleep because we normally don't pay for the sound effect. But now, because you said my name, we have to pay for it. Thanks, speaker-2: Pay for the sound effect. speaker-1: Cooper. speaker-2: Avoid I'll call you bleep and I'll avoid g that makes a lot of sense to me and I will rock right in on that one, sir. No and apologies about that. speaker-0: Thank you, Cooper. speaker-2: This is so funny. I'm remembering one of our classic stories. You guys were eating lunch under the stairs at the library. I walked up and I said, Hey guys, mind if I eat lunch with you? And you said, please don't. And so I ate near you guys anyways. It's speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: like we were eating lunch together. speaker-0: But speaker-1: Almost. speaker-0: no cigar. speaker-2: You had no cigar and we were all smoking cigars and that was like you guys were early smokers. It's bad it is so bad for you. speaker-0: Couple of stoges, couple of stoges and a hot ham and cheese would make fifth grade lunch sale by. Really felt good. I I wanna give a little context for the listener, cause Cooper, you're our first caller. Really? So congratulations on that. That's this is huge. speaker-1: That's huge, Cooper. speaker-2: Wait, that's awesome for me too. speaker-0: I if the listener doesn't know, you might know Cooper Farg as the guy who is in the background of all of ours and probably your yearbook photos. Never the center, but he's always in the background, just right there, whenever you don't want him, but you might need him, but you certainly won't. I speaker-2: Who is the guy who was always trying to make friends? speaker-1: Yeah, but also the guy who constantly was photobombing, that was more what you were known for than the friend thing was you were yeah and it was loud and you could jump pretty high. So you know that was at least cool. speaker-2: Now he's used to say my name. GOFORG! speaker-0: The only reason that Fremont High won the cheerleading championships is because you got the ups with that. That was the one place you really excelled. speaker-1: You found a place. speaker-2: The cheerleaders accepted me with open arms. speaker-1: Yeah, well how could they not? You can jump damn near over a building, so all that practice. Right, Coop? speaker-2: Nearly, nearly you did hit that building pretty hard. speaker-1: Yeah, and it does seem like it's affected you. speaker-2: Well that that's why you guys didn't see me for senior years, the head fracture. speaker-0: Are you still doing stunts, Cooper? Are you still doing those classic farg farces? speaker-2: Where did you come from? Where did you going? Where did you come from? I work at Boeing. speaker-0: Whoa, okay. Cool. speaker-1: Is that how you always introduce it? speaker-2: I work at Boeing now. A classic farce. No, safe. speaker-0: As a pilot or D speaker-1: Hey, hold on. Cooper, that's awesome, and I would love to hear more about that. Maybe we can do that another time. W this is an alien hotline. Yes. So tell me that you're calling about an alien. speaker-2: Yes, I am. Okay, and tell me it's real and not just an excuse to try to be friends with us again twenty years later. No no no no no. This is real. This is real. I've been thinking about this. speaker-1: What I'm concerned about is that you saw that three guys you wanted to hang out with in high school had a thing that they had to answer. And so then you called that just to catch up because you have it y you had a little you see where I'm coming from, Cooper? speaker-2: Yeah, that's crazy. No, no, no, no. No. I've been racking my brain trying to think of alien stuff in my life that I can call about. speaker-0: real quick, Cooper, just just give us one second, Cooper. I'm just gonna put you on hold for one sec. speaker-1: Okay. We'll be right back, Cooper. Thanks for calling in. Nope, nope. Just hold. speaker-2: Please don't hang up. I'm gonna turn the whole music up really loud so if it hurts your ears and you gotta go, just make s y you that y that can happen. I'm not going anywhere. speaker-1: All right. But if you have to, you can speaker-2: Going on home. Going on home. This sh speaker-0: This is a n you speaker-1: This is a fucking nightmare. speaker-0: think that Cooper Farg is our one listener? speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-2: I'll know in three weeks. speaker-1: my god. Great. So we have to wait three weeks to figure out if we've been farged. speaker-0: to take this. We have to take because if this is our one listener, if we are gonna be a successful podcast hotline, we cannot deny or reject our first caller who's our only listener. That's our audience, you guys. speaker-1: Yeah, but Dunch, what you're not considering is that it's Cooper Farg. speaker-0: Ugh, we gotta give it a shot. Maybe maybe he's maybe he's seen an alien. Maybe this is our wedding. speaker-1: Hey speaker-0: Hey, positivity van. Okay? This is now the positivity van. We gotta give it our best. We gotta don't c don't call don't pretend you're sick, bleep. You're you're in the car. No, you're not gonna go home sick. You guys are not going home sick. speaker-2: I think this pumpkin bowl is g going I think it's something's wrong with the pumpkin speaker-1: No speaker-2: Stop and go home. speaker-0: No, we're staying on the line. Cause you we're Alien Hunters hotline, okay? speaker-1: This is the hotline part. The line's hot. speaker-0: I know. But we can get treats after. We can go get cookies after. Okay. If we're good. If speaker-1: Before we speaker-0: we're good, we can get cookies. I'll get break and bakes and I'll put in the oven and we'll go we'll sit in we'll sit outside by the pool and we'll and we'll eat cookies after if if we're all good, okay? speaker-1: All right. speaker-0: Okay, here we go. Cooper, are you still there? speaker-2: No, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. speaker-1: Hey Cooper. So what's You've been far Wow speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-1: God. speaker-0: Come on, man. speaker-2: Cooper, I have to say st stop that. If you do one more fog pun, we're hanging up. Okay? Okay, okay, okay. We need to know about aliens and we need to know your experience with aliens and what the hell you're calling about, or else we're going to get a treat. Okay, okay. Okay. Are you guys ready? speaker-0: Yeah. yeah. Yeah, Scooby. The alien hunters and and I just need to say before you tell us this, we have not agreed to take this case. We are just listening to see if it is aliens. We might give you some advice in the moment, but speaker-1: But just because you're calling we're not legally bound to help you, Cooper. speaker-2: Please take this case. I'm begging you guys. speaker-1: We might. You can beg all you want, but we decide. speaker-2: I need you guys. On Tuesday night, I started to get the sounds rehearsed. The sounds rehearsed in speaker-1: Yeah, you read. speaker-2: the back of my throat. Okay. While I was sleeping, it turned into a really painful swallowing. speaker-0: Okay. speaker-2: On Wednesday I woke up and had a runny nose, a cough, and painful swallowing. On Thursday. Painful swallowing had gone away, still had runny nose, and cough. On Friday, still had runny nose, congestion, and cough. speaker-0: Okay. speaker-2: Saturday same thing, runny nose, congestion and cough. And now here we are. I think it's fuckers from space. speaker-0: Okay. So okay. So there's a lot to unpack here. Mm-hmm. speaker-2: A lot. speaker-0: We have so Tuesday night you said? Tickle in your throat. speaker-2: I said, I hope this isn't aliens. I've speaker-0: And you think it's fuckers from sp speaker-2: been listening to your guys' podcast, it's getting me freaked out. speaker-1: Sure. Now let's let's do this the right way, guys. Let's do this the right way. Cooper, have you encountered any sort of otherworldly goops or slimes or substances or anything on like a day prior to Tuesday? Did you touch something? Did did something come in at Boeing that was they were like, Don't tell anybody about the No. It sounds like you have something you want to No. Okay. No, okay. speaker-2: No. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. No, okay. So we can cross off we can cross off contamination. speaker-2: No contamination. Let's cross that off guys. speaker-1: Well don't tell us what to do. Well obviously don't tell us what to do. Obviously we Of course not. speaker-2: Cooper, you said that in a way that that made it made it sound like you we we were all part of the same team. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Which we're not. speaker-0: And to be clear, Justino we are it is you are the caller and we are the alien hunters, okay? speaker-2: I'm one of many callers and you guys are the hunters hotline. speaker-1: You're our first caller, technically. speaker-2: First of today probably and and that's you know, and I'm to thank God I'm through. Well actually thank you for that. That's pretty it's we hope we've speaker-1: That's nice of you. speaker-2: talked to other people today as well. speaker-1: It's bleep. It's fucking bleep, dude. And it's costing us it's costing us money when you say that speaker-2: I'm so fucking sorry. God damn. speaker-0: Damn it. Okay. The thing that concerns me is that Yes, is Cooper a known liar and known to make up some stuff just to hang out with us, for sure. But he also does work at Boeing and Cooper, can you hit us with that jingle again just so I can make sure that I'm hearing everything correctly? Where did speaker-2: Where'd you come from? Where did you going? Where did you come from? I work at Boeing. speaker-0: Okay. So this is the thing. speaker-2: I'd for Cottonight, Joe, I'd been working for Boeing, yo. I work at safety at Boeing. speaker-0: Safety of bowing. speaker-1: You work in safety? speaker-2: I work in safety. These planes have gotten so complicated that it turns out, you know, they're trying to cut costs. These planes have gotten so complicated. It's my job. I do run experiments where I just take out little pieces of the plane and see if it still works properly. Honestly, that's that logic is pretty sound. I do the same thing. speaker-0: That sounds like how anyone would really approach the safety position at at Boeing, I think. I'm not totally sure. speaker-1: That feels like not good. speaker-2: It's not good, I'll say this. You are nuts for speaker-1: So I am nuts, but it is bad. speaker-0: Yes. Two things can be true. If there's one thing I've learned from hosting this podcast, but the thing that concerns me is that planes are in the sky, correct? I don't need to correct on that, I just know. speaker-2: A lot of the time. speaker-1: Well, n they're not always in the sky. They're not perpetual flying devices. They have to land so they can go to sleep. speaker-2: That's right, that's true actually. The Wright brothers taught us that. speaker-0: Who? The Wright brothers in invented flight at Kill Devil Hill in North Carolina. I went to a museum there once. speaker-2: Orville and Redenbacher? speaker-0: Nope. I don't think that's their name. One of those guys invented popcorn. speaker-2: Pretty sure it was. Ooh, I love pop. speaker-0: No, we're not hanging out. We should see a movie. Cooper, no. We're not hanging out. We should is that what Rapper Pattinson is? speaker-1: Skylar Gisondo. speaker-0: So he's good. I loved him in Licorice Pizza. Yeah, he was great. speaker-1: And no. speaker-0: Hold on, no. No. We're not hanging out with you, Cooper. This is not a hang we're this is a problem. Cooper speaker-2: We should watch Arrival. speaker-1: We've seen a rival. speaker-2: We've seen Arrival. It's a source of material Cooper, Cooper, Cooper, Cooper, Cooper Cooper. speaker-0: have I Cooper? Cooper. speaker-2: Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: You got sick. What caused it? speaker-0: Yeah, were y were speaker-2: Exactly. speaker-0: you around babies or do you have any kids in your life, Cooper? Are you a speaker-1: Wife, maybe, hopefully. speaker-2: But I do have a wife. speaker-1: Okay. Congrats. Yeah. speaker-0: Ew. That's awesome. speaker-2: Yeah, I haven't seen her in a little while 'cause she's always off doing her fucking modeling. speaker-0: Where does she model, Cooper? speaker-2: Right now? right now, right now she's in Paris, but a lot of the time she's, Italy. speaker-1: How did you guys meet? speaker-2: we met through a mutual friend. speaker-1: Who? speaker-2: we well, I don't know if you all remember Tanner Fitzgerald. speaker-0: yeah, Tanner. He was cool. Mm-hmm. speaker-1: That was a cool motherfucker. Fitzy speaker-2: Yeah, he was cool. Well, me and him been paling around a little bit. I take You've been paling around with Tanner Fitzgerald? Yeah, he has a affinity for gyrocopters and I built one. So we've been flying around a little bit and he said, Hey, I want you to meet I want you to meet my cousin. Things didn't work out with a cousin, but her sister is speaker-0: You're telling me Tanner's cousin is Janice Woodley? speaker-2: Yes. speaker-1: And that you are married to Janice. speaker-2: Yes. speaker-1: And you fly her around in your gyrocopter that you built with spare parts from Boeing? speaker-2: dangerous, but I do it. speaker-1: Not gonna lie, Cooper. That's pretty cool. speaker-0: That's cool. speaker-1: That whole story is pretty cool. speaker-0: Pretty cool. speaker-2: It is speaker-1: Yeah, that's awesome. speaker-0: I hate to be this guy. I just have to ask the question we are the alien hunters, and I just have to ask, Tanner, does he still work on government contracts? speaker-2: Yes, although I'm not allowed to say that. speaker-1: Okay. Well it's safe here. This is a secure high line, so you're fine. Despite the fact that you've doxed my name speaker-2: I could get in major trouble if Tan if Tanner Fitzgerald is revealed to still be working on government contracts for BlackRock and NASA. speaker-1: my god. BlackRock and NASA are working together? speaker-2: Yeah, he works with them out of Nevada. Okay, this is good, this is good. This is good intel. speaker-1: Okay. speaker-0: I hate to do this, but in high school I put all the dunch moves on Janice Woodley. Not a single one of them worked. speaker-2: the Dunch moves. Damn the Dunch. speaker-0: Hair slicked back, loafers white, pants bell bottom and blue. Still I'm tall, I'm walking big. And she stiffed me like I was a running back with a ball she wanted. That's a metaphor that makes sense because we've all seen a football. speaker-1: So why would you she hold on. speaker-0: Don't get caught up in the metaphor, I'm telling a story. speaker-2: It's about to be a touchdown. speaker-0: That's what I was going for. Exactly. But I got stiffed because I was the running back in this metaphor. speaker-1: Don't double down on it when speaker-0: So there's no so there's no way. All I'm saying is I don't think there's a way that Janice Woodley is getting married to Cooper Fark. Cooper, how many days out of the year is Janice Woodley traveling? speaker-2: She travels probably six months out of the year. speaker-0: I'm wondering if this is a honeypot situation. I'm wondering if Tanner Fitzgerald is trapping Cooper Farg for his Boeing safety access. That's all. That's all. Just to just to see. speaker-2: That is true. You do have a history of falling into a bunch of different honeypot situations. It felt like every year you were in a different honeypot situation with a different popular person and different hot girl. Yeah, I am prone to honey pots. Honey's delicious though. speaker-1: You'd always get your head stuck in one and walk around like Winnie the Pooh. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: Yeah. Remember that time I had my head I I got my head stuck in the front of of that hole and then I was eating all that honey and then they had to call up Gopher and he blew my ass up out of there. Rabbit was pissed. Gopher the detonator. speaker-1: All right, so Cooper, you found yourself married to Janice Woodley, best friends with Tanner Fitzgerald, who works on contracts for BlackRock in NASA. You wake up sick on Tuesday. Had you had a conversation with Tanner on Monday that had maybe not gone super well? speaker-2: I had a conversation with Tanner on Monday that went really well. Yeah, speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. Do you have a recording of that? speaker-2: I have a recording. Actually do have a recording. I record all my conversation. But we ha have no we can't be friends. Okay. I feel like Skunk and I would be the best friends of this group, but people can planes and record everything and not hang out. Right, right. But they could hang out too is also the other side of that coin. speaker-1: Play the fucking recording, Cooper. Jesus Christ. speaker-2: Tanner, Tanner, over here. Tanner. Yay. Hey. I got us a table. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-2: I'm so glad you wanted to meet up with me. I by the way, I am loving dating Jan married being married to Janice Woodley. speaker-3: you speaker-2: Just wanna get that out of the way quick. Just so you know. I know you were at the wedding and all that and speaker-1: Yeah, you've said that every time we've every time we've hung out, brother. listen, man. I I want you to quit following. Did you hear me? Hello? speaker-2: Yeah. You I said y then I had a dramatic pause and then I said, you do. speaker-1: You just said it so soft I didn't really hear it. Okay. So speaker-2: Sorry about that. speaker-1: No, all good. speaker-0: I'm sorry, hi, do you guys want any wine or not? Okay. Sorry, sorry. speaker-2: Yeah, get away from us. speaker-1: No, I got it. We're friends. She's already Okay. Yeah, we are speaker-2: Come back here. Get away. get away from us. This we're very rude. speaker-1: No, you can come back. What did you want to ask? speaker-0: I wanna ask you guys what another route. speaker-1: Yeah, of course. And keep coming until I until well, and then guess when we want to stop. speaker-0: Bottles? You want the you want me to keep the bottles coming? speaker-1: Yeah, the bottles of beer. Bring just when we finish one, bring another one. Okay. But then guess when we wanna stop. speaker-0: Sir, you're being pretty aggressive. speaker-1: Sorry, I've had a hard day at my job that I can't talk about. speaker-2: He works for the government. Black Rock, NASA, Nevada. you're joking, right? Cooper speaker-1: We'll take another round, lady. speaker-0: Okay. speaker-2: And keep the wine bottles coming to speaker-0: I guess two solid blocks coming as well. speaker-1: Yeah, or go. speaker-0: Okay. speaker-2: And then come back with them. Cooper. speaker-1: Yeah. I wanted to meet for dinner, not only 'cause we're speaker-2: Best friends. speaker-1: not only 'cause we're best friends, but because I want you to quit Boeing. And I want you to bring everything you know, pro preferably in a folder, over to me and work under me. Now. speaker-2: Okay. speaker-0: So that's all that's all the that was the main Yeah, that was really good? Yeah. speaker-2: Then he put a and then he opened my mouth and put a few droplets in and then we said our goodbyes. speaker-1: He what? speaker-2: He held me down, r pulled down the bottom of my chin, put a few drops in my mouth, then we said our goodbyes. he's gotta speaker-1: Okay. speaker-2: he's got hallucinogenic narcon droplets. I've been using them. We can try 'mout.' See bleep is just like this, but but speaker-0: Don't speaker-1: hello. speaker-2: So this is what Cooper was experiencing during that moment, just so we have a record of it. speaker-0: So Bleep's pupils are about as wide as his eyes and okay. speaker-1: my Roy, when did you get wings? speaker-0: That's okay, buddy. I've always had They're just metaphorical most of the time. Cooper, did you is there anything missing from your life after this? Like so you're you're calling us from your house, I pr I presume or Yeah. Okay. I don't know guys, what do you think? Is this aliens? speaker-1: I'll tell you what I think. They blew up the chicken man in Philly last night. They blew up his house too. speaker-2: Bleep he's taking that songwriting class. he's he's too scared to sing when he's not on a hallucinogenic narcon. So speaker-1: Same doors and turn the lights down low. speaker-2: Wanna get freaky now. speaker-1: Play something music that turns out and slow. speaker-0: Bleep, I you to wake up because you and Cooper are singing a duet right now. Do you know this? Bleep. speaker-1: Yeah, we're making harm we're making magical harmony, man. And that's I have a lot of secrets. I think I wanna tell all my secrets. I have a lot of secrets I think I'm gonna tell all my secrets. speaker-2: Okay, I'll get the antidote. speaker-1: the fuck? speaker-0: You were just singing with Cooper 'cause Huh? Skunk Skunk tested the hallucinogenic Narcan on you to to get the feeling of what happened to Cooper at his big dinner with Tanner Fitzgerald. speaker-2: And then we sang together and it was really nice. And then I had you drink an old you hoo to get you out of it. speaker-1: I love an old Yuho. Cooper, don't I know you're on the phone, but don't ever fucking touch me. I'll fucking break your arms. And speaker-2: Noted. speaker-1: while I was in my sort of trip, I've put the pieces together. speaker-0: here we go. Listener, you're gonna have a rare look into the mind palace of Bleep putting together all the pieces of a mystery. Cooper, you're gonna love this. speaker-1: I keep getting into long-term romantic relationships with women because I am scared of what life would look like when I'm a version of myself is not reflected back to me by them. And so I but I realize that I'm sort of trying to heal parts of myself through a relationship. but then I lose. speaker-0: Okay, so okay. So this is an epiphany of the soul, it seems. Okay. So all right. speaker-2: Much like etiquette, I'm sure he'll have this epiphany and within the week all progress will have been lost. speaker-0: Thank goodness. Because we really can't have bleep going down that path. That is a slippery, slippery slope to self discovery. Let's just do a little reset here. So what do we think? Cooper's coming to us saying he got sick and that it might be aliens. We've heard the facts. Alien hunters, this is our first will they or won't they? As far as taking the case is concerned. How do we help Coop? How do we know this is or is not aliens? What do we think? speaker-1: We c we could just hang up. speaker-2: Please don't. We actually don't have to tell him anything. We actually don't want him to call again. We actually could just hang out. speaker-1: I'm still kinda coming down off these drugs. it seems like his friend is in the in mixed up with some evil, awful people and has sort of drugged him and is trying to mind control him and get him to move to Nevada. It seems like he's wrapped up in a pretty clear honeypot situation. So it sounds like to me that I'm sure aliens are deeply behind it, but it's Cooper, you know. speaker-2: That's a good question. speaker-0: Skunk, from a technology perspective, is there anything in here? The the gyrocopter, the is is Cooper just getting cooped? Is this a classic coop situation? speaker-2: No, this is what I'm really torn up about because all the technology is sound and all of the t technology points directly to aliens because gyrocropters are their favorite form of transportation. speaker-0: Cool and dangerous, of course. speaker-2: They have in addition to Cooper, I've got data that they have had multiple plants inside Boeing trying to take planes out of the sky. speaker-0: And they're working. speaker-2: Technology wise, this does feel like aliens. On a human level, I don't want to talk to Cooper again and I don't want to hear the way he talked about swallowing again. so I would be down t to just hang up and and just stop the podcast. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: I agree, Roy. I don't think we should fully stop the podcast just because Cooper called in and is our biggest fan. But I will say what what I think we can do here, Cooper, if you're cool with it, and if you're not, I don't care. speaker-2: I'm cool, I'm cool. speaker-1: what I think we can do is sort of take the really viable piece of information that he's given us, which is that BlackRock and NASA are working together. We can sort of explore that on our own and just kind of leave Cooper in the ditch. speaker-0: Cooper, how does that sound to you? Does that feel like you you have had a successful call? speaker-2: Mmm no, that's probably So Cooper, what we can do for ya? we can take all your data, we can take all your insight, your intellect, intel, use it for our own stuff, go smoke some cigars, and leave you on the bleachers. That sound good? speaker-0: Okay, so that's a no speaker-1: Alright, well let's at least hear what Cooper wants. we don't have to factor in it in at all, but speaker-2: Your epiphany changed you, bleep. speaker-0: You you called into the Alien Hunters hotline and and we wanna make sure you feel heard. So what do you th speaker-2: I think we need to put our heads together and find these aliens. Stop saying we Sorry. You guys need to, with my help, get together and find these aliens and hunt them down. And think and I think starting with me. What's that whatever's inside of me, we need to get this thing gone gone and then we move on to the next one. speaker-1: Inside of you no, we're not gonna do that. I'll tell you right now we're not gonna do that. speaker-2: No, we're not gonna do that. What are we doing? speaker-1: We're gonna here's what we're gonna do, Cooper. You're gonna drink an old you're gonna drink an old Yohoo to counteract the drugs that are in your system making you even weirder than normal. Okay. But you're gonna do that. We're not gonna be involved in that at all. And then actu hold on. Okay speaker-2: Yes? Yes. speaker-1: Cooper, we can't have people knowing that we're connected. Right. Because you've given us confidential information. So what I want you to do is drink the Yuho, but pretend you're still on drugs. Take the contract with Tanner Fitzgerald and then report back to us in five years. But then Tanner's going to be clued into the fact that you're a double agent. speaker-0: You're our man on the ground, Cooper. You're Thunder. You're Thunder. speaker-2: You gotta inside, keep collecting data, keep trying to jump in over buildings, and if you hit them, bonk your head harder than you did last time, maybe you die. Maybe you die. speaker-1: No. speaker-2: But continue speaker-0: Just just S and I. speaker-2: being your man on the inside for us. speaker-0: Can you do that for us, Cooper? speaker-1: Okay. And then in five, ten years, you give us an update. speaker-2: And I can give you micro updates whenever. There's no call limits on this show, right? Like I can't I would say, yes, you can. just don't use this number. forget this number. What you can do is record into your phone, put it in your pocket, and then well I've got I've got a w a wave coming out, it's called the Cooper Wave. And it it'll look it'll Take those recordings from your call and pull in into my my data center. Does that sound good? That sounds great. As long as I can be talking with you guys more often. Don't talk, don't talk, it's all speaker-0: Well we can't do that 'cause you're deep under cover, but speaker-1: 'Cause you're deep undercover, but in a way it'll be like that. speaker-0: You're collecting data for and with us. we're all fighting aliens together. speaker-1: Yes. So you in a way are a secret member of Alien Hunters Hotline. But nobody can know and you can never talk to us. speaker-2: Okay, so and then so we'll just go okay, so we to finalize, we'll go to David Buster's, have a some have some fun playing some games and have a few drinks and whatever. And then I'll do the undercover thing. Is that what you're thinking? Okay, Cooper, I'll tell you we'll compliment. speaker-0: Pretty good. speaker-2: Sounds really good. Sounds so good. Sounds really good. And that actually sounds really good. So here's what we can do. We go to David Buster's. Yes, I love this part. We put you in the ski bomb machine. And put me in? speaker-0: Trading. speaker-2: Yeah, y y training. 'Cause we if you're the man on the inside you're gonna have to take some beatings. So you're probably gonna get speaker-0: Wait, what? speaker-1: yeah. I mean it's gonna be very dangerous. And we're gonna have to make sure that you're up to the job. You're gonna beat me? Well no, we're not gonna beat you. We're put you in the skee ball machine. It's gonna spit you out like a ball. And then we're gonna throw you up into the hopefully the center, but probably one of the speaker-2: We're not gonna throw ball throw balls at you. We're gonna put you in the spirit ball machine and it's gonna spit you out like a ball. This is beginning to make this is beginning to remind me of that time that you guys hit started hitting me really hard with baseball backs in high school. speaker-0: Cooper Ball! Cooper Ball Ball! speaker-2: That was not as fun as it seemed. Well, that's cause your mom died the same day, but we didn't control that. One of the saddest days of my life and it's really nice to see all you guys with the sports equipment. It took a real turn. speaker-0: Yeah, well, you the alien hunters are there to help whatever you need. speaker-1: Coop. speaker-0: We'll see you at David Busters at six PM. Go. speaker-2: be a man on the inside. I'll be there. I'll be I'm gonna get there at five. speaker-1: Well it will we won't be there till six, so good luck with that. speaker-2: That's okay. I'll set I'll I'll get us a good spot. speaker-1: All right. Hang Hang up now. Hang up now. Cooper press hang up now. speaker-2: Love you. speaker-0: Love you too, Cooper. Alright. I just had to get him out of there. speaker-1: my god. speaker-0: That was pretty crazy though. The fact that Cooper Farg's living one of the one of the most coolest lives I I could ever even imagine is BlackRock and NASA working together and Cooper's the target. I think Cooper's clearance for Boeing must be pretty insane. speaker-1: mean his security clearance at Boeing is huge, but he also just blew the lid off the fact that BlackRock and NASA are working together. He's also married to a model. Thank God he's a loser 'cause otherwise I would take that to heart. And I would be really upset about my life in which I'm married to no one and I have no sec like I have no speaker-0: Yeah, I don't know anything about the government at all. I don't know any I have no inside information whatsoever. And the only person that has been remotely romantically interested in me was Jessica and she's still in Sandusky, so it's that's not that's not gonna speaker-1: And she won't talk to you. So yeah. speaker-0: But we don't have to get into that right now. Let's get back into the podcast. speaker-1: Alright, sorry. Skunk's bad and and then Farg then Far really fucking upset me soon. Alright, speaker-0: He farged it, man. speaker-2: my god, that speaker-1: well, what did we learn? We learned Black Rock's working with NASA. we do technically have a man on the inside. Skunk was that thing about getting the waves off his phone real? Yeah. speaker-0: Was the Cooper Waves real? speaker-2: No, I made that shit up, but I can make it happen if we needed it. speaker-1: Well it sounds like maybe a useful thing to backpocket. speaker-2: Okay. Okay, I'll do it. I just if I get a single text from him or picture from him, I'm going to tear down my speaker-0: He's a he's already there, huh? speaker-1: He's yeah, he just texted you, didn't he? Yeah. speaker-0: it's him doing two deuces? speaker-1: Doing designs and his tongue's out. speaker-2: Yeah. He's already at Dave and Busters and he's he he got he got party hats for all of us. my god. speaker-0: Skunk, is this a face t is this has he been on FaceTime this whole time? Cooper. Hey. speaker-1: Hey. speaker-2: Hey guys. Just let me know when you want me to hang up. speaker-1: Well, we said it about ten times, so speaker-2: It's worse now that we can see you gotta go. Bye. speaker-0: Alright, bye Coop. This has been another episode of Alien Letters Hotline. We have a real Hotline that you can really call. That number is 419-463-2626, or as I like to remember it, 419-I'm Deman. you can call us anytime, leave a voicemail, and we will help you out with your alien and extraterrestrial problems. speaker-2: And I think we gotta put a new rule on the hotline. If you sound anything like Cooper Farg, we're just gonna send it to trash. So, Colin, but make sure your voice doesn't sound like Cooper Farg, and we're happy to work with you and we would love to. speaker-0: And if you could tell your friends and family to listen, 'cause we have to have more listeners than Cooper Fargan. Cooper, if you're listening to this right now, tell any b tell Janice to listen, tell Tanner to listen, anybody but you, buddy, okay. speaker-1: Tanner because we blew up his whole spot on the episode. speaker-0: So don't speaker-2: That would actually be problematic for us. speaker-0: tell Tanner. speaker-1: Tanner Fitzgerald who we will be avoiding the plague. speaker-0: Yes. Okay, great. This has been Alien Hunters Hotline. Please remember always speaker-1: Question Never Learn speaker-2: Always question, never learn. you guys have done it again. speaker-0: No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone. speaker-2: Well, I'm down here at Dave and Buster's. I know I know I'm supposed to have hung up, and I know that you guys could have hang hung up on me, but you didn't. Can't wait for you guys to get here to Dave and Busters. I've locked down the skee ball lanes for us, and I've also got us a couple of pre-beers. That's like normal beers, but it's just the coasters right now. so just whenever you guys are ready, you can come on down. it's all locked up and ready. Baby! Hey! my God, Janice, what are you doing here? I got back early. I missed you so much. I took an earlier flight. Babe, I love you so much. You know what, guys? I'm not gonna be able to make it to Dave and Buster's tonight. Me and Janice are gonna have a little night in. Paris isn't nothing without you. Come on, don't say it like that. Let's go get some popcorn. Orville Redenbachers. speaker-1: Thanks for tuning in to Alien Hunters Hotline, a podcast by Harrison Lott, Kellen Schneider, and Riley Cecil Taggart. For more information, follow the show on social and visit alienhuntershotline.com.