Latest / The Hypnotist / Release Shame That Was Never Yours - An Expansive Hypnosis for Confidence and Emotional Freedom

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Release Shame That Was Never Yours - An Expansive Hypnosis for Confidence and Emotional Freedom · The Hypnotist

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  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
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  genuine. Issues.
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  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, demanded by
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  celebrities, CEOs and even royalty, Adam Cox.
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  These recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's
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  world famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
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  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Hi, it's Adam here. And in this hypnosis session
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  it's all about releasing shame. But a particular type of shame
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  and shame can be useful. And I'll explain the
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  circumstances where shame can be useful.
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  Let's say that you've done something mean, you've done
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  something selfish, you've done something cruel or rude, and you
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  reflect on that and you start feeling shame.
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  You start feeling bad about yourself.
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  The function of that kind of shame is to correct and refine
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  future behaviour. It's designed to make you
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  better. And you would want that because
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  if you never had any guilt or shame, some people would call
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  these people sociopaths or psychopaths or narcissists.
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  They're kind of immune to that kind of stuff and they don't
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  feel any guilt or remorse. The fact that you do feel shame
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  when you do these things means that you've got the ability to
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  evolve and adapt. That kind of shame is something
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  beneficial. You can utilize it, but a lot of
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  people are holding on to shame, which is not their shame.
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  Let's say, for example, that you grew up in a very religious
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  family and you were told that certain things were wrong and
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  you should be ashamed for doing certain things.
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  But those things aren't objectively wrong.
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  It's just culturally assigned to being wrong, where you might
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  carry shame for something that another person that didn't have
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  that upbringing has no shame at all.
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  So therefore it can be influenced by the cultural or
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  religious belief systems. Let's say that you were
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  criticized a lot in your childhood, made to feel like you
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  were doing things wrong even if you weren't.
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  As you get older, you might think that someone has to be for
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  to blame. Someone has to be responsible if
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  something goes wrong. And in not everyone thinks that
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  way. Some people think that if
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  something goes wrong, it's an opportunity to learn and get
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  better. Some people are looking to find
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  the one responsible who's responsible for this.
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  And I would say you still get institutions like that.
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  You know, I would say politics and certain institutions, if
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  there's a mistake, they want someone to be fired or resign.
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  They don't want someone to be accountable and take ownership
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  and improve things. So there is a, a blame culture
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  in a lot of different environments.
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  Now. The client that I was working
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  with had a lot of shame, but it wasn't their shame.
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  They were very compassionate, very empathetic, and it almost
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  seemed to me working with this client that part of the reason
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  that they were holding onto the shame is that if they were
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  holding onto the shame, someone else didn't have to absorb it.
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  It was almost protecting the emotional needs of other people.
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  Now, that is not useful if you're holding onto real shame.
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  That is not even something that belongs to you.
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  This uses a metaphor of a mountain of a bag, a backpack
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  that is containing lots of shame and judgement and things like
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  that. And this client felt it
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  difficult to kind of put that down and disregard it and see a
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  future without that shame. But that's the whole point, is
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  to detach. If you're attached to shame
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  through trauma, detach and acceptance is normally the
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  solution to that. So if you are carrying
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  historical shame, maybe guilt, maybe a lot of judgement or
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  criticism, I think you're going to get some value from this
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  session and I would encourage you to think about what would
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  life be like in your future if you only held on to the useful
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  shame and you disregarded all of that shame that isn't yours
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  anyway. Then you'll get more value from
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  this. It was created for a client.
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  This client happened to love trekking and climbing mountains
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  that might not be used. Some of the references will just
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  be visual and you'll have never climbed a mountain like that.
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  But you can have an idea of what it would be like to be on a
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  mountain walking down. But at its core, it's about
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  releasing an emotion that is no longer serving you and perhaps
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  was never yours to belong with. So if you connect to that,
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  great. And if you want something more
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  bespoke and original and created specifically for you, have a
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  look in the description, click the more information.
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  You'll see a big long list of kind of links and descriptions
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  about the show. There's lots of free stuff that
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  I have there, like free downloads and a free course.
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  But if you want to book a free consultation, call with me.
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  There'll be a link to schedule that in the show notes.
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  Or you can visit my website, adamcox.co.uk.
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  For now though, find a quiet, uncomfortable place where you
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  won't be disturbed. Relax and enjoy the session.
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  Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe in, breathe in that
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  slow, long, relaxing breath. And as you exhale, just allow
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  your eyelids to close and as they close, position your body
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  in such a way that makes it easy to let go, to relax.
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  That's it. Breathing in, relaxation and
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  exhaling tension, each breath taking you deeper and deeper.
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  Relax now. I want you to think of an animal
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  that you would consider alert, constantly looking for danger,
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  always on guard. Some people might think of a
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  meerkat looking around, scanning for danger.
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  Whatever comes up for you is exactly the right animal.
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  The kind of animal that will represent how your unconscious
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  mind often feels like scanning for threats, looking for danger,
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  looking for possible conflict. And as you breathe in and
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  breathe out, I want you to see this animal shift and morph into
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  an animal that you consider highly capable but not on edge
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  at all. The kind of animal that can deal
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  with the threat if needed, but doesn't need to spend time
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  scanning for threats because they're just too capable.
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  And as you breathe in and breathe out, see this vigilant
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  on guard animal slowly morphing into the new animal, An animal
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  that represents strength, resourcefulness, capabilities.
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  I want you to get a feeling then you have all of the resources
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  necessary to be able to handle whatever situations come your
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  way. And I want you to get a feeling
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  that sometimes you will experience things that are
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  triggering echoes of your past, not situations in your present.
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  And just imagine, as this animal shifts from one to the other,
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  I'd like you to imagine that if your brain was a piece of
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  software or even hardware, wouldn't it be useful to update
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  it? The latest version, all of the
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  bugs ironed out, new firmware, new versions.
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  And I want you to imagine your brain is connected to the cloud,
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  and as you breathe in and breathe out, each breath is
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  enabling an update. New ways of thinking, new
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  beliefs to enable you to be optimal for where you are now.
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  Not where you were as a child, not when you were vulnerable,
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  had less choices and options. Imagine it's updating to be
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  optimal for now, and just imagine each breath feels like
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  it's downloading a bit more of that update.
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  And sometimes an update can take 20 minutes, half an hour or
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  longer to feel the update happening as your mind drifts
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  off to a memory of a mountain. Not a specific mountain, but a
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  mountain that springs to mind, connected to an empowered
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  feeling. And I want you to imagine that
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  you're on the side of that mountain, wearing whatever
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  clothing is suitable to be there in that environment.
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  Notice how crisp the air is and take a slow breath in and a nice
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  long breath out, really emptying your lungs and awakening the
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  diaphragm. And here on this mountainside,
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  there's nothing to do, nothing to manage, nothing that you need
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  to get right. Perhaps there's a part of you
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  that usually tries to stay alert, tries to monitor, tries
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  to make sure that you don't slip up and just let that part know
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  they can stand down now. It doesn't need to do anything
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  now, because you, in this moment, are already safe.
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  I want you to imagine you've got high up on this mountain and now
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  the way down. Imagine feeling the temperature,
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  seeing the horizon on the distance, the landscape, the
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  terrain. You get a sense that there is
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  nothing to climb here. You're on the descent.
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  And this matters because descents are easier, lighter,
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  freeing, and with each step down, gravity helps you like the
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  mountain itself is carrying you. Even think of how you descend 1
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  foot in front of the other, the speed, the rhythm, the weight
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  shifting from one part of your body to the other.
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  Notice the vastness around you and the sky distant horizons.
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  Imagine you're on your own, no one watching, no one judging,
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  and no one evaluating how you're doing.
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  Just space. And as your body takes this in,
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  I want you to think of a sensation that you sometimes
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  feel when shame there is its head tightness there in the
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  chest. Not because it wanted to and not
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  to punish you, simply because it learned to.
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  Imagine continuing to descend this mountain and imagine you
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  come across a heavy pack resting on the path.
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  And maybe this feels like a big rucksack or a heavy bag,
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  something that someone might carry.
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  You recognize it, but it isn't yours.
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  And I want you to imagine that this big heavy bag is filled
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  with other people's expectations, old judgements and
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  rules that you never agreed to. But the heaviest element of all
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  is the shame that formed when you were small and powerless.
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  And you can tell instinctively that this pack was handed to you
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  a long, long time ago. And maybe there was a time when
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  in order to belong, it depended on you being small.
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  A time when safety depended on self monitoring, keeping
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  yourself in check. Time when you had no choice or
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  choices. But the mountain is quiet now,
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  and spacious enough for a realization to start to connect.
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  What if you weren't failing, you were simply adapting that shame
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  you've been feeling all of these years?
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  It was never an identity. It was a strategy, a coping
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  strategy that worked when it had to.
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  There are clothes that you don't wear that you used to wear when
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  you were nine years old, something that you did you
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  doesn't mean you have to do it forever.
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  And I want you to feel that this strategy of shame doesn't quite
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  fit you anymore. It doesn't quite belong anymore.
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  As you look at the pack, you may notice a heaviness or a
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  tightness there in your chest. You don't need to analyze it,
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  just noticing. What if that tightness in the
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  chest was built in a time when you didn't have agency, you
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  didn't have power, when you didn't have alternatives?
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  And the adult you, the one walking down this mountain now,
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  doesn't need to carry what was created for a child to imagine
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  gently, with no drama, simply placing the pack down on the
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  mountainside, not throwing it away, not rejecting it, just
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  returning it to the time and context where it belongs.
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  As you do, the chest loosens, expands, not all at once, but
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  honestly and naturally. I want you to get a feeling that
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  this pack is just a metaphor for other expectations,
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  responsibilities, culpability that you've been holding on to
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  that was never yours. And if you were to forgive
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  yourself for anything, it isn't for falling short, it isn't for
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  standards that are too low, and it's not for not doing enough.
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  If you were to forgive yourself for anything, it's for being too
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  harsh on yourself, for judging yourself for things that were
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  never your responsibility. So as you breathe in and breathe
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  out, allow yourself to forgive. Not because you did anything
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  wrong, but because. You carried real shame for
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  things that were never yours. You were paying the penalty for
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  somebody else's crime. You were clearing up the mess
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  that someone else made you. You were paying the debts for
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  someone else's overspending, but that doesn't mean that you were
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  responsible. So as you breathe in and breathe
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  out, forgive yourself completely now.
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  Forgiving yourself releases you from all of that shame and blame
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  that was never yours to begin with.
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  When your unconscious exams let me know by nodding your head.
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  Sometimes you might feel a release of so much being
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  forgiven at one point, and other times it might just come to you
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  in a realization. That wasn't me.
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  I wasn't responsible. That's why I forgive myself for
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  the false judgement, not for the issue itself.
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  Continue to walk down that mountain, with each step sending
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  a message to the body. I want you to think of all of
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  the parts within Empowering forward parts, protective parts,
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  anxious parts, fearful parts send a message to every cell in
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  your body. We are not being chased, we are
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  not being controlled, and we are not being evaluated.
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  As the nervous system hears this, scan your body and look
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  for clues of release. Maybe the shoulders soften, the
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  breath drops lower into the diaphragm, the chest feels less
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  tight, more relaxed. And maybe, perhaps for the first
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  time in a long while, it feels like there's no need to stay
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  alert for emotional danger. You feel more like the animal,
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  capable but not vigilant. You feel more like the warrior
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  in the garden rather than the gardener in the war.
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  Incapable, powerful, but not needing, not needing to be on
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  guard here and right now. No need to fight, no need to
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  freeze and no need to explain yourself internally.
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  Just movement, just space, just ease.
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  And as the landscape opens, wider memories from the past may
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  flicker by, not as threats, but like levels in a game you've
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  already completed. Some were hard and some required
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  endurance and some taught skills that you still possess now.
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  But this isn't a scary game, and it was a fun game, and looking
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  back, even the challenging levels gave you something.
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  But the most important thing is this.
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  The past is the past, which means the game is over and
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  you're not inside it anymore, so the nervous system no longer
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  needs to act like the threat is ongoing.
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  Those game levels shaped here, they didn't define you, and
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  there's something quietly empowering about that for
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  yourself. Getting to where the mountain
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  is, getting closer to normal ground.
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  And as you descend, notice how confidence feels here.
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  Not loud and not performative and not something you do.
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  What if confidence here is simply not needing to know
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  everything and not rushing to justify yourself and not pre
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  empting conflict or judgement and not needing to monitor how
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  you appear? What if confidence is the
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  absence of contraction, the stepping stone to freedom, the
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  body knowing that you don't need to manage yourself to be safe.
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  Embrace that knowing, and that knowing spreads through the
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  chest, through the spine, out into the arms.
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  Feel it expansive, open and free.
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  As you get to the bottom of the mountain, imagine.
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  Imagine seeing what looks like a full length mirror, but not of
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  the moment of your future and as you stay.
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  None of these intense emotional tidal waves.
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  Just choice. The ability to respond instead
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  of react, to stay present instead of braced.
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  That version of you seems safe, confident.
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  And I want you to imagine, as you stare into that mirror, you
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  notice something else. That version of you looks free,
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  looks proud, looks resourceful. And notice that future version
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  of you doesn't need to release shame anymore, because what
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  never belonged to you doesn't need to be carried.
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  The chest is open, the body is safe, the horizon is wide, and
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  your future begins one second from now and you are free to
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  continue walking forward, lighter than before.
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  I want you to get a sense of feeling what you would feel like
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  in a parallel universe where you had a different childhood of
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  encouraging rather than criticism, role models of
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  kindness and compassion. And I want you to get a sense
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  that the neural pathways of that version of you are collapsing
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  across space and time like a four dimensional wormhole and
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  updating your neurology as part of that update.
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  And just imagine that that update is starting to come to an
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  end very soon. I will count from 1:00 to 10:00
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  to awaken you. And the version of you that will
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  return will leave shame behind. And any future shame, it will
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  feel like it doesn't belong to you.
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  It will feel detached. You will awake with an
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  acceptance that bad things, cruel things, unjust things
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  happen in the world, and that is not your fault.
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  So take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your
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  nose. Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your
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  toes, connect and calibrate into the here and the now as I now
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  count from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken you.
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  Starting to count 123 waking up 456 more alert 7-8 open your
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  eyes. Open your eyes, 910.
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  Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake.
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  Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of The
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  Hypnotist. If you've enjoyed this episode
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  or got some value from it, please give it a five star
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  rating and review. And maybe you know someone that
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  too. And if you would like to listen
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  to this episode where it's just the hypnosis, so no intro, no
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  outro, no explanation, just the hypnosis and completely ad free,
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  So if that's of interest, please check that out.
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  Thank you again for being a regular listener of The
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  Hypnotist and I'll see you again soon for more.