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Me And My Girls · Divas That Care Network

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, this is Tina Soletti with the Diva Set Care.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Today we're talking with Beth Draper.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: She um participated in a book that Candace Gish has produced.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: Beth.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: Hi there.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: How are you?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Hi.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm great.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: How are you doing today, Tina?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing very well, thank you.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: So let's start with um your the book that you wrote.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, it's just um Candace did the anthology of of uh Devas at Care and its mothers and daughters, and she asked for submissions for um stories, short stories for women.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I submitted a short story about myself and my daughters and how we just started learning to communicate and and how we continued.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Three girls in the same house sometimes is difficult and so it's interesting times.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I can imagine.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I have always said I have three kids myself, one girl.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I have said for she's twenty one now and for her entire life I have said, God blessed me with one girl for one reason.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: He knew I couldn't handle anymore.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my I admire people that have you know, women that have like more than one daughter and the strength that they have to get through it because I I'm quite sure that God knows that I couldn't do it.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: So tell us more about like what kinds of stories did you write?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because communication is is big.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's big with every every person.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like we we all need to learn how to communicate.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: But in a family dynamic when you have different personalities, it's difficult.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's true, and and what I found with me and my girls is that I would try talking to one and the other would interrupt, or I would try um, they would try talking to me and I would interrupt each like all the conversations.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was always a needed to be a three-way conversation.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um and to this day we have difficulty not talking all three at the same time because three of us on the same message to make sure that we're getting the same message.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's interesting, um, way back when walking and talking, um, we would go for a walk and we would start talking, and that's a lot of the story is a little bit about that.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so having having started our communication that way, as the kids get older, they don't necessarily want to participate in in the stuff that you used to do all the time.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so some of the story is how we developed our communication process, and so I'll leave that in the story, but um going back to the walking and talking part, actually it still encourage my children to walk and talk with their children because sometimes it's just getting out of the house and away from whatever place that you're in just opens up your mind and you're looking at different things and you're not surrounded by all the things that may be troubling you.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: So getting out and walking and talking is is just an amazing way to open communication.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um there was just a LinkedIn um link that I just commented on very recently, like this afternoon, and it was about people if they're having problems with or having problems developing a program or developing like there's they've run into something that they just can't get past, go have a walk.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I just I threw my arms up and said, What a good idea.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like imagine that to be a novel process, right?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's something that I've always said, go walk and talk, walk, solve the problems, just get out there, just let your head be out of wherever you are.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's amazing when you change your environment, how your your mindset sort of changes along with it.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: So do you do you have boys as well, or do you have just your two girls?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: I just have two girls.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I raised them as a single mom from the time they were one and three, and um saw them through their teenage years and and saw them both get married and have their own family.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I most recently in the last four years married myself.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I have uh a new man in my life, and so I'm lucky enough to have two grandsons and two granddaughters, and so I'm seeing um different dynamics in in the families.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: My sisters both had sons.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: I had the only girls, so I had a a different perspective than they did, even of of raising the kids.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: And now each of my daughters, one has two boys and one has two girls, and they get to communicate with each other about you know the things that are successful or or maybe not.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, but they they have each other to to run those ideas by and and how to help your kids and communicate and stuff.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's kind of cool.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's great.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: And and they've learned they've learned from you, right, that you know, it it's always gonna be a struggle.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, let's face it, especially when they come to teenage years, like we're stubborn, right?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: As the parents, we're stubborn and we know what we want, and they're learning what they want, right?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's it's always a struggle during those teenage years.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: But at least you've taught them your communicating skills can change depending on your situation.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and um one of the things that I always used to do when my kids were little was answer questions until they didn't have any more.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like don't be afraid to answer the questions.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when they've had enough, they'll stop asking questions.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't want to give them too much because it's sometimes overwhelming to just answer and then keep going when they they seem like they've had enough, just stop.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Stop when the questions stop.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And they'll they'll get more when they need more.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that that may not work in today's world.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Today's world is so different.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so the level of questions is maybe a lot lot higher than the questions that I anticipated answering when my kids were little.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: So Right.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: But I do agree with you.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like keep answering their questions, but not giving them full answers, just enough that they can handle.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because once they had enough, they take it back and they kind of they let it, you know, simmer inside them, and then they'll come up with more questions if it's not enough.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I learned that with my kids as well.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I found that my daughter to this day, she'll come back and ask questions that we kind of answered like four or five years, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: She'll be like, Mom, do you remember when we had this conversation?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: And half the time I don't remember because you know, I mean, life is busy.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: But sometimes, you know, she'll say, You you told me this, this, and this, and then I'll say, Oh yeah, and then we'll have another discussion about it.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: And she can see my perspective as an adult now rather than the teenager that she was at the time.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I love that.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure you see that now as your kids are mothers, you see that the you know what you taught them, they see it differently now.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, and and it's wonderful to watch them learn about their world through their eyes of their kids and the questions and answers that they give and and the communication that they're able to have just to to learn that that that evolves.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like the kids will ask questions to their understanding, and then like you said, they'll come back when they understand a little bit more and ask a little bit more, and you can you can share more information.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's the coolest thing, the evolution of of communication.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's just really amazing.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's so true.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's so true.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll tell you, if my parents had communicated with me the way I communicate with my kids, our world would be so much more open.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I got no because I said so.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: I got that a lot.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: And and and I don't do that with my kids.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't say because I said so.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom often will say to me, You give them too many options or you explain too much.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: But I want them to understand where I'm coming from, right?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and my answer was we'll see.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because I ha I never but they knew that it when I said we'll see, it was immediately no, but we'll see for the future.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: It it's potential, but not right now.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Not right now.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and if it came back, it came back.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: If it didn't, it it mu wasn't that different wasn't that important.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: So isn't that the truth, Dave?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: So we learn things that work for each different Sorry?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and that's another thing.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like I mean your kids your girls are close in age.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Did you find that one like the same your same rules worked with both?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Because my three, I can't use the same I mean, obviously the same rules, but the same wording I cannot use for all three of them.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: I have to explain everything differently.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely everything needs to be explained differently, but I mean they communicate with each other, so um that's what I often found is I would I would lay down the law, as we always do or can do, and then they would communicate about it too and and commiserate with each other about you know, why or why why not that was the right thing to do and listening to them helped me to to uh or I guess overhearing what they say oftentimes helped me to make different decisions at different times.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: But you watch their communication too.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's amazing.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you find it just amazing to watch through like re watching them and seeing their reaction to what they've learned from you?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm always amazed at how they react.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And and how some of the things that I did or or tried to instill in them just really at this point in their lives, you know what, they do things different, it's because they've learned something different that works for them.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: And all the power to them, right?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's right.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh I love that.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: I love this.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: This is great.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's wonderful trying to see.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right, exactly.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me a little bit more about yourself.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: You were a single mom.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Did you w you obviously were a working mom as well?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, and I worked a lot of temp jobs and we moved around to a lot of different places.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: So the gid my girls, I say I believe I gave them opportunities to to meet new people often because they often change schools with me trying to keep ahead of the rent and all the things that single moms need to do.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they may tell you a different story that they're they're shy with new people or but while they were going through all of this, they they thrived.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: So um it's interesting for me to watch them now and and the things that they um excel at and the way that they easily talk to people and and have you know a great support network themselves.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I believe that too.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think sometimes they don't realize what they're learning from us.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um just maybe tell our mind when I see it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's great.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: I know our kids are our biggest teachers, right?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's absolutely true.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: And opportunity to learn more and more about our world by seeing it through their eyes and watching them learn things.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um and even as an as a grandmother now, um, I call myself Nana to the kids, but um with that that level of grandparenting, um, it's very cool to watch that next generation learn and and um learn again from them, me learn again from them and see things differently because the world has changed so much so in their generation.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Compared to what I knew in mine.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like I mean, I know like with my kids what they have to go through compared to what I had to go through growing up.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's a different world.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: And now these young kids, it's even you know, there's even more for them to learn.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and more ways to learn.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: More ways.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: And more ways, yes.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, because technology has definitely um, you know, it it it without it we can't do much.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that um when the girls and I were having difficulty um communicating, we developed our own with help from the community, of course, developed a way that that works really well for us, and that's still part of the story.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna leave that there.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: But um we talked about texting and we talked about um Facebook and sharing information and and all kinds of things, and it wasn't available to us back then.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: There wasn't it wasn't a distraction, it wasn't uh like when you knew that something had to be done or you you had to go and figure something out, you just had to get to it.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't you didn't get a chance to go and search for lots of different places and many different views and answers and ideas.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: You just you you dug into what you thought was gonna be the best thing for you and tried a bunch of different things.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: And your social media was your community.
• 14:26
  unknown: Right?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: You phoned your neighbor, you phoned the phone, yeah, you went to coffee and you you chatted.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this has been great.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: So um do you have your copy of your of the book yet?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't yet, no.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: So it's available on Amazon.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I I think I've I've ordered mine.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've ordered mine as well, but I don't I haven't received it yet.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: So So we should be getting them soon.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: So this this is great.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: So do you uh have anything for our listeners that you could maybe um just tell them about the book or about something more about your parenting and your communication, like advice or anything?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Just just keep I'm gonna say keep walking and talking, keep keep the ideas coming both ways.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Always, always.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Listen and and uh listen and then listen again.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: I agree, and I I agree.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: Communication is huge.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me today and for adding to the book.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really interested in reading all about it.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much for giving me an opportunity to share my story and to chat about the book too.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, it's been great.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you again.