Latest / The You Project / #1676 Namaste Motherf**ker - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#1676 Namaste Motherf**ker - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:01
Speaker 1: Oh good, are you bloody champs? Oh big yawn. I
0:04
Speaker 1: nearly dislocated my face just then, Tiff, did you see
0:07
Speaker 1: that look like a fucking wildlife documentary?
0:11
Speaker 2: It looked like that scene on the Mask where his
0:13
Speaker 2: chin drops to.
0:13
Speaker 3: The ground and his tongue rolls out.
0:17
Speaker 1: I felt a little bit. I feel a little bit
0:20
Speaker 1: of Jim Carrey every now and then. Hello, everyone, Welcome
0:23
Speaker 1: to the You Project. And as it turns out, roll
0:26
Speaker 1: with the punches. Also, I'll do your intro for you.
0:28
Speaker 1: Fucking I'll do both as roll with the punches. It's
0:31
Speaker 1: the EU Project. It's stiff, it's harps, it's a Monday,
0:35
Speaker 1: it's two thirty eight. I just got back. Before we
0:38
Speaker 1: say low to you, I just got back from hanging
0:41
Speaker 1: out with Ben Shurry from Attica.
0:46
Speaker 3: Oh yes, yeah right, how was that? Did he whip
0:49
Speaker 3: you up a storm?
0:50
Speaker 1: No? He did not, because we all know I've got
0:53
Speaker 1: food issues and eating issues, and I'd have to sell
0:57
Speaker 1: my fucking left testicle to get a table there. I'm
1:02
Speaker 1: not sure anyone would want one. But it's amazing. He's amazing,
1:06
Speaker 1: The business is amazing, and everyone who goes there says
1:08
Speaker 1: it's fucking incredible. So, but you know, when you meet
1:11
Speaker 1: someone and you like, I hope they're a good dude,
1:15
Speaker 1: you know, when you like you like them or you
1:18
Speaker 1: you know, what you know of them is impressive and
1:21
Speaker 1: you kind of want to catch up with them, and
1:23
Speaker 1: if you if you not know who I'm talking about.
1:26
Speaker 1: Ben Own's a restaurant called Attica, which has been voted
1:30
Speaker 1: one of the top few restaurants in Australia multiple times,
1:33
Speaker 1: if not the best, and one of the top fifty
1:34
Speaker 1: restaurants on the planet, which is a pretty good effort. Anyway,
1:37
Speaker 1: he was on the show a little while ago, and
1:40
Speaker 1: we caught up today for coffee and chat, and he's
1:42
Speaker 1: even better. He's not even a better person.
1:46
Speaker 2: I cannot recall the discussion, but I can recall liking
1:50
Speaker 2: him and being yeah, I don't know, you have expectations
1:54
Speaker 2: of people, but also not really but I.
1:57
Speaker 3: Just remember thinking, oh, he's a really.
1:58
Speaker 2: Great he's really great.
2:00
Speaker 3: Great episode. So I'm gonna have to go back and
2:01
Speaker 3: re listen.
2:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, good dude, good energy, nice human, down to earth,
2:07
Speaker 1: causes spade a spade, but also like gets it quite compassionate,
2:12
Speaker 1: Like I saw his his staff interact with him a bit.
2:15
Speaker 1: They clearly like him. And then we sat in We
2:19
Speaker 1: sat in Attica, just me and him, like in the restaurant,
2:23
Speaker 1: two people in the restaurant, Me and him. And of
2:27
Speaker 1: course I was the fanciest fucking thing they've ever seen
2:31
Speaker 1: in my black T shirt and my Camo shorts, and
2:34
Speaker 1: we had.
2:34
Speaker 3: The good shorts.
2:35
Speaker 2: Did you wear the newer ones?
2:38
Speaker 1: I wore the ones that are only three years old.
2:41
Speaker 1: That's pretty much brands making good work. But nice, dude,
2:45
Speaker 1: So shout out to Ben Shuri and the folk from Attica. Yeah,
2:49
Speaker 1: it was nice. It's nice when you meet someone that's
2:53
Speaker 1: that exceed your expectations and is everything you want and more.
2:58
Speaker 1: But it hasn't been all and frills over at your
3:01
Speaker 1: joint today. It's been a medical melodrama. Today.
3:05
Speaker 2: We've been contending with the bullies, harps over here, the
3:09
Speaker 2: bullies out there.
3:11
Speaker 1: What the canine bullies or that, Yes.
3:13
Speaker 2: The canine bullies at the park can't just mind their
3:16
Speaker 2: own affairs. They've got to come out and take a
3:19
Speaker 2: piece of someone.
3:21
Speaker 1: So the very beautiful Luna, who is I mean, if
3:24
Speaker 1: she was a human, she'd be a fucking international model.
3:26
Speaker 1: She's so beautiful. She's the Claudia Shiffer of the Canine world.
3:33
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of her. I don't know any
3:35
Speaker 1: fucking models the El McPherson of the Canine see. All
3:39
Speaker 1: of those are like sixty years old. Not that they're
3:41
Speaker 1: not incredibly beautiful women, but I'm trying to I don't
3:44
Speaker 1: know any. Do you know, off the top of your head,
3:47
Speaker 1: do you know a young world renowned model?
3:50
Speaker 2: We don't ask me. The one I think of was
3:52
Speaker 2: Miranda kirk Is. When I was sixteen and used to
3:55
Speaker 2: read Dolly magazine. She won the Dolly cover girl and
3:58
Speaker 2: then she's and she's just stunning. But she's think, I
4:01
Speaker 2: don't know, she'd be old than me now as around
4:06
Speaker 2: the same age.
4:07
Speaker 3: Is that young?
4:07
Speaker 1: I think? I think she's also four kids in or something,
4:11
Speaker 1: I think, But still, yeah, what I mean is she's
4:14
Speaker 1: not she's not a teenage model anymore. She's well, she's
4:19
Speaker 1: a world famous actor and model. And she's still married
4:24
Speaker 1: to Orlando Bloom. Was that her that was married to him? Yeah?
4:27
Speaker 3: I think it is.
4:27
Speaker 2: But I've got no idea. I don't know who's married
4:29
Speaker 2: to what in this world.
4:31
Speaker 1: You know people who are much more up on all
4:33
Speaker 1: this ship than you and me are yelling at their
4:35
Speaker 1: phone or their car right now. YouTube, dumb fuck stay
4:39
Speaker 1: with things like you and I are talking.
4:42
Speaker 3: About self management guys.
4:45
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, talk about talk about how to fucking
4:48
Speaker 1: get abs or something. YouTube, dumb idiots, stop talking about
4:51
Speaker 1: bucking entertainment. That's you know, so what else? So, So,
4:58
Speaker 1: what happened Luna? It it got bitten or what happened?
5:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, she haded an altercation, which I didn't realize. I
5:04
Speaker 2: were the park yesterday in the afternoon. She's doing her standard.
5:08
Speaker 2: I throw the frisbee once and she just sprints for
5:11
Speaker 2: forty five minutes straight and just loves life with the
5:14
Speaker 2: frisbee in her mouth. And a big dog ran like,
5:20
Speaker 2: ran at her and ran with her and had a
5:22
Speaker 2: bit of a bucket it they you know, and they
5:23
Speaker 2: get really close and they kind of both went and
5:25
Speaker 2: she dropped the frisbee and yelped and run the other way,
5:29
Speaker 2: and I thought it she just frightened her.
5:31
Speaker 3: It was so quick.
5:32
Speaker 2: But this morning when she come in to see me,
5:35
Speaker 2: I was like, what's that little there's a little red
5:37
Speaker 2: mark on her neck. And when I lifted a stretch
5:40
Speaker 2: her skin back, a big hole in the back.
5:43
Speaker 3: Of her neck like it's ripped, ripped a hole right
5:45
Speaker 3: through her.
5:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've got very thin sensitive skin. So off to
5:50
Speaker 2: the we went. A couple of staples and a big
5:52
Speaker 2: bandage on her neck and hopefully, hopefully that will be
5:55
Speaker 2: the all she needs.
5:58
Speaker 1: Just like her mum, thin sensitive skin.
6:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so stoic.
6:01
Speaker 2: I mean I would have been crying and carrying on
6:03
Speaker 2: and telling the world and Luna was just like, oh,
6:06
Speaker 2: oh yeah, that old thing. Oh yeah, they happened yesterday.
6:10
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well dogs, I mean that is weird, isn't it.
6:13
Speaker 1: Not that I mean, obviously it's not weird that they
6:15
Speaker 1: can't talk, but yeah, where like, if there's something that's
6:19
Speaker 1: bothering them, they're human needs to figure it out.
6:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's no like.
6:23
Speaker 2: We were at the park for another half I just
6:25
Speaker 2: met was meeting someone there, so then I met my friend.
6:28
Speaker 2: We were at the park for another half an hour.
6:30
Speaker 2: She was running and bouncing around, not a care in
6:33
Speaker 2: the world.
6:34
Speaker 1: Oh well, it's a good thing she wasn't in too
6:36
Speaker 1: much pain.
6:37
Speaker 3: Yeah.
6:39
Speaker 1: So, uh, I had a conversation. I wanted to talk
6:43
Speaker 1: to you this morning today about a chat I had
6:46
Speaker 1: this morning, which is often the way and people think,
6:48
Speaker 1: do you really People have said to me, you know
6:50
Speaker 1: the chats that you have, do you really have those chats?
6:52
Speaker 1: I really do have these chats. And so when I
6:56
Speaker 1: say this is off the back of it always is otherwise,
7:00
Speaker 1: as I would just bring up a topic. But I
7:03
Speaker 1: was talking to somebody this morning and they literally said
7:06
Speaker 1: to me, I don't coach them. I don't know them
7:10
Speaker 1: that well. But they listened to the show a bit
7:12
Speaker 1: and they know me. And they said, can I ask
7:14
Speaker 1: you one question? It was a lady, and I go, yes,
7:16
Speaker 1: she can ask me two or three. She goes, she goes,
7:21
Speaker 1: how do we find our purpose? And I just went, oh,
7:26
Speaker 1: that's that's such an interesting question. And it like that
7:30
Speaker 1: question operates on the assumption that we only have one purpose,
7:34
Speaker 1: you know, because it's how do we find the purpose
7:37
Speaker 1: or our purpose? And you know, we're just talking about that.
7:40
Speaker 1: We're talking about, you know, the idea that maybe we
7:43
Speaker 1: have multiple purposes. You know. It's like, not like your
7:46
Speaker 1: purpose is to is to go and save the world
7:51
Speaker 1: doing this. Maybe it's to raise a family, or maybe
7:54
Speaker 1: it's to become a world renowned academic, or maybe it's
7:58
Speaker 1: to raise a family and become a world renowned academic,
8:01
Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be. Or maybe it's to start
8:03
Speaker 1: a charity where you're working with people in need who
8:06
Speaker 1: who you know, require X, Y Z, and then maybe
8:10
Speaker 1: ten years later you hand over the reins to someone
8:12
Speaker 1: else and now your purpose is something different, you know.
8:15
Speaker 1: So just the idea that not only not only do
8:20
Speaker 1: we not necessarily have to have a single purpose, we
8:23
Speaker 1: might have multiple, but also that you know, like there's
8:27
Speaker 1: a fair chance that what you think is your or
8:30
Speaker 1: what your focus is and your attention has and what
8:34
Speaker 1: your your alleged purpose is at twenty five might not
8:37
Speaker 1: be the same as fifty five, and that's not good
8:39
Speaker 1: or bad. Things just change. And she's like, no one's
8:43
Speaker 1: ever said that to me, Like I've always thought that
8:46
Speaker 1: I have to have a purpose. And I go, well, like, we,
8:50
Speaker 1: you know what, as we make this shit up as
8:53
Speaker 1: we go. It's not like that's written in concrete anywhere,
8:56
Speaker 1: and even if it is, a human wrote it, so
9:01
Speaker 1: somebody made it up somewhere. So yeah, it was just
9:05
Speaker 1: it was nice and I was talking to Ben oh
9:07
Speaker 1: Ben from Attica and just the the idea of owning
9:15
Speaker 1: one of the most famous restaurants in the world. But
9:18
Speaker 1: also he sees himself as which he is an artist.
9:21
Speaker 1: And also he's just written a new book which is
9:25
Speaker 1: called Uses for Obsession, which I'm halfway through. It's fucking
9:30
Speaker 1: it's I mean, you know people who are creative and talented.
9:33
Speaker 1: It's like he could have been just an author. And
9:36
Speaker 1: I don't mean just, but like he could have not
9:38
Speaker 1: done the restaurant thing, and he could have been an artist,
9:42
Speaker 1: or he could have been an author or like anything.
9:45
Speaker 1: Like he is a creative. In my opinion, he's a
9:50
Speaker 1: creative and he happens to do food like he happens
9:56
Speaker 1: to be a great chef.
10:00
Speaker 2: A question, what's your purpose right now?
10:06
Speaker 1: So I don't think I have a single purpose, but
10:08
Speaker 1: I think I think the you know, if we go
10:12
Speaker 1: through the I'll answer your question. I have an answer
10:14
Speaker 1: straight off, but I want to preface it. So the
10:17
Speaker 1: whole kind of self reflection through to self actualization and
10:21
Speaker 1: then self transcendence, which is me having a purpose bigger
10:24
Speaker 1: than me. My bigger than me purpose is to help
10:28
Speaker 1: people in a nutshell explore, expand, and operationalize and optimize
10:39
Speaker 1: their potential. I feel like most people waste their potential
10:45
Speaker 1: in terms of what is possible for them, you know,
10:48
Speaker 1: genetic potential, intellectual potential, creative potential, professional potential. I think
10:56
Speaker 1: most people really waste a lot of what they have
11:00
Speaker 1: to work with because of fear or laziness or procrastination
11:04
Speaker 1: or avoidance. And not that I'm the high watermark for
11:08
Speaker 1: success by any means, but I don't see myself genuinely
11:13
Speaker 1: as super gifted. Like I'm not bad at a few things,
11:17
Speaker 1: but it's not like, oh, you know, we knew when
11:19
Speaker 1: Craig was three, little fat fucking Craig, Oh we were
11:22
Speaker 1: so gifted. You know, It's like that wasn't me. And
11:26
Speaker 1: so I'm really fascinated with helping people get past whatever
11:34
Speaker 1: it is that's in the way of them becoming the
11:38
Speaker 1: best version of them, which is a cliche, I know,
11:41
Speaker 1: But so I think my purpose is to help people
11:44
Speaker 1: explore their potential. But that's not a single thing. That's
11:48
Speaker 1: a multi variable process of you know, firstly recognizing, well,
11:53
Speaker 1: what's stopping me, Well, that's probably going to be a
11:55
Speaker 1: mixture of fear or self doubt or self loathing or
12:01
Speaker 1: you know, a lack of knowledge or whatever. You know,
12:04
Speaker 1: there's a bunch of things. And you know, so many
12:08
Speaker 1: people get to fifty, as we've said a thousand times,
12:12
Speaker 1: and say this wasn't my plan, you know, when truthfully
12:17
Speaker 1: they didn't have an actual plan. They just had an
12:19
Speaker 1: idea or a hope of how things might work out.
12:23
Speaker 1: So I think my purpose is serving others in that
12:26
Speaker 1: way where and whether or not it's becoming the best
12:28
Speaker 1: parent in the world or in their world, or whether
12:31
Speaker 1: or not it's getting a PhD, or whether or not
12:33
Speaker 1: it's building a podcast, or you know, in your case,
12:37
Speaker 1: you know, building a podcast, building a great speaking career,
12:39
Speaker 1: being a good human, being a good dog slash cat, mum,
12:43
Speaker 1: whatever it is. Like, I don't you know, I know
12:46
Speaker 1: a lot of people who are from the outside looking in,
12:50
Speaker 1: very very wealthy, successful rich, but I don't really consider
12:56
Speaker 1: them to be successful because I see what's going on
12:58
Speaker 1: behind the curtain. Like if the only KPI is things
13:02
Speaker 1: is stuff, then they're doing pretty good. But if we
13:08
Speaker 1: measure success in mental, emotional, social, physical health, which I
13:13
Speaker 1: do part of it at least, then some of them
13:17
Speaker 1: are poverty stricken despite having lots of money. So I
13:20
Speaker 1: think it's about it's about all of it. That was
13:23
Speaker 1: a long winded answer wasn't it wasn't it?
13:25
Speaker 2: Ever, that's not like you look at.
13:29
Speaker 1: I've never been particularly you know, I did get multiple
13:31
Speaker 1: reports which says Craig has a tendency to be somewhat
13:35
Speaker 1: verbose and loquacious in class, and I had to find
13:38
Speaker 1: out what verbos and loquacious.
13:40
Speaker 3: Meant to My favorite words now.
13:42
Speaker 1: Means I fucking talk too much. Nothing's changed. And I
13:47
Speaker 1: also infamously was told that no one's ever going to
13:50
Speaker 1: pay to listen to me talk, so I should pay
13:53
Speaker 1: attention in class. Well, sister Catherine, you were fucking wrong.
13:59
Speaker 3: Well you paid it to into that.
14:01
Speaker 1: I did. I paid attention to that, and then I
14:04
Speaker 1: ignored our advice.
14:06
Speaker 2: It's interesting because one of the main one of the
14:10
Speaker 2: big things that we spent a lot of time on
14:12
Speaker 2: at the beginning of our retreat was it Purpose, was identity, Purpose, Mission,
14:20
Speaker 2: those three things and how they fit and come together.
14:23
Speaker 2: And it's and it's one of the practices because we
14:28
Speaker 2: did we did two days of work stuff together, work,
14:32
Speaker 2: we'll call it, and then we hit the mountains. Then
14:35
Speaker 2: we hit this vast space that just shifts your perspective
14:38
Speaker 2: and so just all of this processing happened, and that
14:43
Speaker 2: whole idea of purpose sat with me, and I thought
14:45
Speaker 2: about it, and it shifted and it changed, and I'm
14:48
Speaker 2: still kind of figuring out how to best articulate the
14:53
Speaker 2: meaning of it to me. But it has it hasn't
14:54
Speaker 2: had a huge impact on how I see the world
14:58
Speaker 2: and how I see what I'm doing, and how I
15:00
Speaker 2: function and the choices and decisions I make, Which is
15:04
Speaker 2: funny because it can sound like a bit of a
15:05
Speaker 2: wank of a word, can't it, buck pet what's your purpose?
15:09
Speaker 3: But it does.
15:10
Speaker 2: Really it is a guiding light to understanding what you
15:16
Speaker 2: do and why you do it.
15:18
Speaker 1: And I think it's a really important component of the
15:23
Speaker 1: thing that I have spoken about a lot. And you also,
15:26
Speaker 1: which is living intentionally, living consciously rather than living unconsciously
15:33
Speaker 1: and reactively you know, where you just deal with shit
15:37
Speaker 1: that happens, rather than saying, you know, what do I
15:41
Speaker 1: want my life to look like, feel like, function like,
15:44
Speaker 1: be like in a year? And what do I need
15:47
Speaker 1: to do today to make that? You know, a possibility
15:51
Speaker 1: like one if we go like we're recording this on
15:54
Speaker 1: the fourteenth of October. If I go well, on the
15:56
Speaker 1: fourteenth of October, twenty twenty five. I would like to
16:01
Speaker 1: be you know, fill in the blank, earning fifty percent more.
16:03
Speaker 1: I would like to be ten kilos later. I would
16:05
Speaker 1: like to have started a degree in bloody communications. I
16:10
Speaker 1: would you know, It's like, it's pretty like the actual
16:13
Speaker 1: planning process is not that difficult. The doing process is
16:17
Speaker 1: pretty fucking difficult. But you know, I'm not going to
16:21
Speaker 1: wake up on October fourteen, twenty twenty five and accidentally
16:26
Speaker 1: be in a magical place because the universe conspired to
16:30
Speaker 1: make my life shit hot, you know, And so there's that.
16:36
Speaker 1: That's my ever present frustration. I guess with people who
16:44
Speaker 1: listen to a lot of self help, personal development, beavor
16:48
Speaker 1: or psychology read a lot, but I are always about
16:52
Speaker 1: to do it but never actually doing it. And I'm
16:54
Speaker 1: not trying to alienate any listeners, but it's like, there's
16:58
Speaker 1: got to be a point where you go and whether
17:01
Speaker 1: or not it's me they listen to or someone else,
17:03
Speaker 1: it doesn't because I'm just the messenger. I'm not the message,
17:06
Speaker 1: you know. But if you know, think about how many
17:09
Speaker 1: times we hear something which is true for us or
17:12
Speaker 1: relevant for us, or potentially transformational for us, but failure
17:18
Speaker 1: fail to fucking apply it because it's not the right time,
17:23
Speaker 1: you know. And I mean it's not really the right
17:26
Speaker 1: time at all. It's just because it's fucking hard, and
17:28
Speaker 1: so we rationalize not starting. But we're always have this
17:32
Speaker 1: i'll start soon mindset. I'll start soon. I'll start soon.
17:36
Speaker 1: I'll start soon. And then then you're fifty and you're
17:38
Speaker 1: still telling yourself the same shit, you know, And I
17:42
Speaker 1: know it's a bit of groundhog day here we come
17:44
Speaker 1: full circle in the conversation. But all the all the
17:48
Speaker 1: self help and professional development and all the conversations and
17:51
Speaker 1: all the inspiration, all the fucking clever words and all
17:54
Speaker 1: the all the you know, the memes and the whiteboard messages,
17:58
Speaker 1: and they amount to shit. If one of your reasons
18:03
Speaker 1: for listening to the show or reading my staff or
18:05
Speaker 1: TIF staff or whatever is that you want to improve
18:08
Speaker 1: your life, then eventually there needs to be some application
18:13
Speaker 1: of the information. Otherwise we're just building this kind of
18:17
Speaker 1: knowledge bank that we never exploit.
18:23
Speaker 2: I think what's tricky is the understanding the deeper levels
18:28
Speaker 2: of it, and unders until you can dig into the
18:33
Speaker 2: deeper levels and understand what is driving decisions values and
18:40
Speaker 2: what is drawing you towards these perceived purposes. What about
18:45
Speaker 2: what someone chooses as a purpose, depending on how deeply
18:50
Speaker 2: they see that, whether it is whether or not it's connected,
18:55
Speaker 2: and whether or it's going to work for them, because
18:56
Speaker 2: otherwise we look at surface level stuff, my purpose to
19:01
Speaker 2: make this change to these people in whatever industry or
19:04
Speaker 2: area of life. If it's very surface level and you're
19:07
Speaker 2: not understanding really what you are connected to underneath that.
19:13
Speaker 2: Like for me, I realized two really big things that
19:18
Speaker 2: drive me, or maybe the biggest driver for me in
19:21
Speaker 2: one of my values was integrity. And I realized how
19:25
Speaker 2: many times I have pulled back on executing great ideas
19:32
Speaker 2: or services because of my fear of not being enough
19:38
Speaker 2: or good enough or smart enough or gonna bring the
19:43
Speaker 2: results enough for that to be something of integrity. So
19:48
Speaker 2: because I think, well, I don't know if I'm I
19:50
Speaker 2: feel like a fraud. So if I don't bring the
19:53
Speaker 2: results for this great idea, then I'm not a person
19:56
Speaker 2: of integrity, and that makes me stop. And then certain
19:59
Speaker 2: I've been abs with why people self sabotage over the years,
20:02
Speaker 2: because there's been times I don't understand why I'm doing it.
20:06
Speaker 1: But I think integrity is you wanting to do something,
20:08
Speaker 1: trying to do it, fucking up and then talking about
20:11
Speaker 1: how you fucked up and what you learned. That's integrity. Yeah,
20:15
Speaker 1: integuity doesn't necessarily equate to I did a thing and
20:18
Speaker 1: I succeeded. Like the fact that you are living in
20:24
Speaker 1: with integrity to me is about being raw and real
20:28
Speaker 1: and honest and walking your talk like it's about. Uh,
20:32
Speaker 1: is how I actually live a reflection of what I say.
20:38
Speaker 1: And this is one of my pet peeves in social
20:43
Speaker 1: media in general. And yes, there's some great stuff in
20:45
Speaker 1: social media, but I just think there's a huge, huge
20:49
Speaker 1: amount of people who just say shit that's not true
20:52
Speaker 1: or shit that they don't actually do. That annoys me,
20:56
Speaker 1: and it should't annoy me. That's a flaw in me.
20:58
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm I mean, I know people who
21:02
Speaker 1: say one thing publicly and do another. I know them.
21:05
Speaker 1: I would never name them, but I could name them
21:08
Speaker 1: where how they live is not actually how they represent
21:12
Speaker 1: themselves to the public. I'm like, you have fucking zero integrity,
21:16
Speaker 1: and I don't respect you, you know, I'd rather And
21:21
Speaker 1: what I don't get is I actually think when people
21:24
Speaker 1: are real like and I understand why some people don't
21:28
Speaker 1: share some things, of course, but when you're trying and
21:32
Speaker 1: fucking up, sometimes winning, sometimes losing, sometimes getting embarrassed, sometimes
21:36
Speaker 1: getting you know whatever, a round of applause and everything
21:40
Speaker 1: in between. But and you share that, people people relate
21:46
Speaker 1: to you more. Yeah, you know, when you operate with
21:49
Speaker 1: integrity and you do you know, like five minutes before
21:52
Speaker 1: we did this, not five fifteen minutes before we did
21:54
Speaker 1: this podcast, Melissa rang me and went, which I'll tell
21:59
Speaker 1: you off there, I can't tell you on air, But
22:01
Speaker 1: had a sponsorship opportunity with a very very globally known brand,
22:08
Speaker 1: and they want me to say something in the ad
22:12
Speaker 1: that I can't say because I don't believe it, and
22:16
Speaker 1: I said I will work with them, but I can't
22:19
Speaker 1: say this sentence because that isn't true for me. Also, firstly,
22:23
Speaker 1: I don't think it's true. I think what they're saying
22:26
Speaker 1: is not true, and I definitely can't say it. And
22:32
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like it's sometimes my integrity is
22:35
Speaker 1: a fucking financial andy cap. But I'm just like I
22:39
Speaker 1: said one even if nobody ever heard it, I can't
22:42
Speaker 1: say that because I don't believe it, and I won't
22:44
Speaker 1: say it just for money. And two, like my audience
22:48
Speaker 1: know me if I if I came on and went, hey, everyone,
22:55
Speaker 1: Krispy Kreme, you know, look, don't have them too often,
22:59
Speaker 1: but I reckon you know, once or twice a week
23:01
Speaker 1: a couple of fucking couldn't do better. People would be like,
23:06
Speaker 1: oh my god, you sold out. Now I'm not saying
23:09
Speaker 1: I'm not saying everybody don't ever, you know, I'm saying,
23:12
Speaker 1: do whatever you like. But what I'm saying is I
23:15
Speaker 1: can't sell that on my show. I'm not going to
23:19
Speaker 1: encourage people to put shit in their body or what
23:22
Speaker 1: I think is shit. Okay, I'm not saying Crispy Kreme.
23:26
Speaker 1: Oh that would be terrible for me to say that, definitely,
23:28
Speaker 1: but you can figure out, you know. And so that
23:32
Speaker 1: to me, that's you know, for me, that's part of integrity,
23:38
Speaker 1: you know. And I think, but also back to you,
23:40
Speaker 1: I want to jump back to your purpose thing for
23:42
Speaker 1: a moment. This is controversial. I reckon a lot of people.
23:48
Speaker 1: If you look at how a lot of people live.
23:51
Speaker 1: If how people live is a reflection of what matters
23:54
Speaker 1: to the most, then for many people their purpose is comfort.
24:01
Speaker 1: Think about how many people they prioritize comfort over everything,
24:07
Speaker 1: which is why they don't work out or work out hard,
24:11
Speaker 1: which is why they eat food that they don't need.
24:15
Speaker 1: That's that's literally sabotaging their health, that's derailing their genetic
24:21
Speaker 1: potential because it gives them comfort. I'm not there's no
24:24
Speaker 1: judgment in this, just observation. Right by the way, Have
24:28
Speaker 1: I done it? Yes? Have I have a prioritized comfort?
24:31
Speaker 1: Fucking oath? Has it? You know, if you looked at
24:35
Speaker 1: me over the years, you would have said, I was
24:37
Speaker 1: just I was all about fucking pleasure and what's that
24:42
Speaker 1: what's that term? Tip? What's that term where people and
24:46
Speaker 1: we're back? I just I couldn't go on we're back.
24:49
Speaker 3: I had.
24:51
Speaker 1: Hedonistic living or hedonism is you know when everything's you know,
24:56
Speaker 1: and so yeah, I just think that. But the challenge
25:01
Speaker 1: for you know, when you say one of my values
25:05
Speaker 1: is growth and service and you know personal development or
25:10
Speaker 1: health or like that, that's going to be painful at times,
25:15
Speaker 1: you know, maybe often you know, on the journey. But yeah,
25:19
Speaker 1: so's it's that like there's the thing that we say
25:22
Speaker 1: we're about, and then there's the thing that we're really about.
25:24
Speaker 1: When no one's looking you know how we behave.
25:30
Speaker 2: Well, that's where I think that values and purpose need
25:33
Speaker 2: to Then it's a conversation that needs to happen together
25:36
Speaker 2: because there's the purpose, which is this service base driven
25:39
Speaker 2: and people can get messed up with.
25:42
Speaker 3: How that sounds to the world.
25:43
Speaker 2: Oh, it's my purpose is to help you know how
25:46
Speaker 2: many coaches out there is like, my purpose is to
25:48
Speaker 2: help these people do this, this, and this is like actually,
25:52
Speaker 2: you're running an online course where you don't even meet people.
25:54
Speaker 2: Your purpose is to make a load of money the
25:58
Speaker 2: easiest way possible. But when you look at Veulock, for me,
26:02
Speaker 2: looking at my values and then linking it to why
26:06
Speaker 2: I love the aspects of the things that I do,
26:11
Speaker 2: it's changed the way like I come back and it's
26:13
Speaker 2: changed the way that I feel and think about the
26:16
Speaker 2: stuff that I'm going to put my energy into doing
26:18
Speaker 2: and the outcomes I expect to make and what I
26:21
Speaker 2: want to see out of it is very different because
26:23
Speaker 2: I now I know what I'm connected to and why
26:27
Speaker 2: it matters to me.
26:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, and I think, well, back to the
26:33
Speaker 1: you know, people just doing stuff because they want to
26:35
Speaker 1: make keaps a dough and there's nothing wrong with that.
26:38
Speaker 1: Either if we know what's going on, you know, if
26:42
Speaker 1: you're clear about well this is, you know, like someone
26:45
Speaker 1: like Alex Hermosi, who you know, he's all about helping
26:49
Speaker 1: people build wealth and build systems and monetizing things and
26:53
Speaker 1: programs and online this and that. And while I don't
26:57
Speaker 1: see to eye on everything with him, he's definitely better
27:02
Speaker 1: at creating wealth than I am. I'm fucking terrible, and
27:07
Speaker 1: like some stuff, I listened to him and I'm like, nah, nah, nah,
27:10
Speaker 1: that's no, not me. Then other stuff where I'm like, yeah,
27:14
Speaker 1: you're smart as fuck. You know, I could learn in
27:17
Speaker 1: terms of building business or building online funnels and creating
27:22
Speaker 1: products and services and all of that stuff which I'm
27:25
Speaker 1: not very good at. I definitely can learn from him.
27:29
Speaker 1: But also what I like about him is he's not
27:31
Speaker 1: pretending to be something else, Like he is all about
27:36
Speaker 1: business make and doe crushing killing, and he doesn't pretend
27:40
Speaker 1: that he is the Dalai Lama. Right, So I respect
27:44
Speaker 1: him because whether or not you know, you like him
27:47
Speaker 1: a lot. As a human being. I think he's fine.
27:49
Speaker 1: I listened to him on Chris Williams on what is
27:53
Speaker 1: It Modern Wisdom? And that was a great that was
27:56
Speaker 1: a great chat. I think I referred you to that,
27:58
Speaker 1: and I'm like, ah, this dude is really smart. I
28:00
Speaker 1: don't align with him on everything, but he wouldn't align
28:03
Speaker 1: with me either. But you know, when people are up
28:07
Speaker 1: front and transparent and direct and real, I don't like
28:12
Speaker 1: even if they're nothing like me and we don't have
28:14
Speaker 1: the same values, But as long as they're being authentic,
28:18
Speaker 1: I'm cool with it because we know what we're getting.
28:21
Speaker 2: One of my favorite things on Chris's podcast recently, I
28:25
Speaker 2: was listening to I Think It's Dan Martel. I listened
28:28
Speaker 2: to it a couple of times. I really liked him,
28:29
Speaker 2: and one of the things he said that I picked
28:32
Speaker 2: up on the second or third time was if you're
28:35
Speaker 2: not contradicting yourself, you're not growing fast enough. And I
28:38
Speaker 2: love that, and when sometimes hearing things like that can
28:42
Speaker 2: be really jarring because we can hold on to what
28:44
Speaker 2: we say. We say things, especially in people like you
28:48
Speaker 2: and I who are putting it out publicly, this is
28:51
Speaker 2: what I think, and it can be really jarring to
28:53
Speaker 2: go ooh, like, yep, I'm contradicting that now, Like I've
28:59
Speaker 2: changed my tune on intimate and fasting for females.
29:03
Speaker 1: Yep, Well that's I mean backflip. Yes, yeah, one hundred percent.
29:07
Speaker 1: And if you I agree, I wouldn't when you say contradicting,
29:11
Speaker 1: I was thinking something else, but it is that. It's like, yeah,
29:14
Speaker 1: essentially it's.
29:15
Speaker 2: Changing incongruent, but being able to get new information you
29:19
Speaker 2: talk about all the times, you just don't say it
29:21
Speaker 2: in that way. Getting new information and changing your mind
29:23
Speaker 2: about something.
29:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, I call it unlearning. Yeah, like that thing that
29:27
Speaker 1: I thought, I don't think that anymore, the thing that
29:30
Speaker 1: I believed, I don't believe that anymore. And the reason
29:32
Speaker 1: I don't believe it is because I got new data,
29:34
Speaker 1: or I got new information, or I had a new experience,
29:36
Speaker 1: or I had a conversation, or there's been more research
29:40
Speaker 1: or and I'm not emotionally attached to a particular idea
29:45
Speaker 1: or stance like you know how, Like you said you
29:49
Speaker 1: thought a certain way about intimate and fasting for women.
29:52
Speaker 1: You got I would I would say you got some
29:54
Speaker 1: new experience or insider understanding or something, And now you
29:57
Speaker 1: don't think that. That's actually a sign of fucking See
30:02
Speaker 1: that person. I want to listen to the person that
30:06
Speaker 1: never unlearns anything. The person that's been right about everything
30:10
Speaker 1: every time for the last thirty years. That's the person
30:13
Speaker 1: you don't want to pay any attention to because that's
30:17
Speaker 1: about emotion and ego and identity, because their sense of
30:20
Speaker 1: self is tied into being right. Yes, you know, and
30:24
Speaker 1: this is this is one of the challenges when you
30:28
Speaker 1: know you're talking with people who they basically identify themselves
30:35
Speaker 1: as a behavior or an idea or a practice. I
30:40
Speaker 1: am fill in the blank, you know. I am a vegan,
30:44
Speaker 1: I am a carnival, I am a Christian, I am
30:46
Speaker 1: a Buddhist, I am an atheist, I am a business owner,
30:49
Speaker 1: I am a podcast I am all these I am statements.
30:54
Speaker 1: So I am is literally my identity. I am no
30:59
Speaker 1: good at sport. I am genetically impaired. I am And
31:04
Speaker 1: then we basically tell the world who we are without
31:07
Speaker 1: telling the world who we are at all, trying to
31:11
Speaker 1: understand who am I beyond all the labels I put
31:14
Speaker 1: on myself.
31:17
Speaker 2: But did heaps of that as well over in India.
31:20
Speaker 2: And I've to put stuff in practice when I got
31:23
Speaker 2: back to not get back into the same environment and
31:28
Speaker 2: hold on tightly to that version of me that I
31:31
Speaker 2: was getting boxed into.
31:34
Speaker 1: How do you ever plan on for those who have
31:37
Speaker 1: been under a rock or haven't listened to the last
31:41
Speaker 1: few Tiff and me. TIFF's been in India and she's
31:44
Speaker 1: come back with I would say a different perspective and energy.
31:49
Speaker 1: I mean that honestly, like your energy is your energy
31:53
Speaker 1: is genuinely different. And I won't say who will throw
31:55
Speaker 1: you under the bus. But you were talking to someone
31:58
Speaker 1: very recently that you were doing the session with and
32:01
Speaker 1: you hadn't told them anything, and that like, what is
32:04
Speaker 1: going on with you? You're weird? Have you been meditating
32:06
Speaker 1: your debt? Like I don't know, Maybe you can share that,
32:10
Speaker 1: but anyway, but I just thought, do you have a plan,
32:15
Speaker 1: because when I've had experiences like that, I desperately don't
32:18
Speaker 1: want it to go away.
32:20
Speaker 3: Yeah I do.
32:21
Speaker 2: It's not going I will not let it go. I've
32:24
Speaker 2: got post it notes, I've got I've got shit written
32:27
Speaker 2: all over I've got different things that I'm practicing. And
32:30
Speaker 2: I went for dinner last night and I walked there
32:33
Speaker 2: and it was a thirty minute walk. And on the
32:35
Speaker 2: way there and on the way back, I walk at
32:39
Speaker 2: half the pace now and I can't even make myself
32:42
Speaker 2: Harry because the thought of making myself Harry almost invites
32:46
Speaker 2: that old persona back. It's like, you know, we're not
32:49
Speaker 2: We're not rushing everything anymore. Like life is really good now,
32:54
Speaker 2: and you've wasted four years of it worrying about the
32:56
Speaker 2: next thing and rushing and worrying about all the shit
33:00
Speaker 2: that is not and you've missed out on so much.
33:06
Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. Why four years? Why did you say
33:11
Speaker 1: four years?
33:11
Speaker 2: I guess because I probably from the big shift of
33:16
Speaker 2: COVID and that was a really big time for me.
33:19
Speaker 2: A lot of things went on, But I would say that,
33:24
Speaker 2: and I remember at the time saying, are you just
33:27
Speaker 2: is this a trauma response? You do real good in chaos?
33:30
Speaker 2: You do you do good when when the chips are
33:32
Speaker 2: down and ship's falling down. So I was like, is
33:36
Speaker 2: this creating a podcast and a new brand and a
33:39
Speaker 2: new thing and all that that.
33:40
Speaker 3: Picked up real quick? Is that just is that all.
33:42
Speaker 2: Going to fall away?
33:43
Speaker 3: And it didn't.
33:44
Speaker 2: But I do feel like I stayed in that state,
33:47
Speaker 2: and I don't like, I don't feel proud of how
33:57
Speaker 2: I've been for the last few years. And I didn't
34:01
Speaker 2: know I was, and I didn't mean to be but
34:03
Speaker 2: I feel if I was watching someone else right now
34:08
Speaker 2: and knowing that was their experience, I would feel very
34:11
Speaker 2: compassionate and sad for them because I'll be like, you're
34:15
Speaker 2: missing so much, all of the little things.
34:19
Speaker 1: So when you say you don't feel proud, tell me
34:23
Speaker 1: a bit more about that.
34:25
Speaker 2: Ah, just what This is hard because I don't want
34:31
Speaker 2: to judge it because it just is and I wasn't.
34:34
Speaker 2: I'm not a bad person, but I just it was
34:37
Speaker 2: a very hectic, self absorbed, self protective, selfish headspace all
34:48
Speaker 2: the time, Like I'm so protective of me that no
34:54
Speaker 2: one can come in so no one can fuck me over.
34:57
Speaker 2: But that means that no one can help. And then
34:59
Speaker 2: I'm angry that no one's helping, and I'm angry that
35:01
Speaker 2: I'm angry that i feel alone, and I'm sad and
35:05
Speaker 2: I'm all of these things. Wow, but I'm creating.
35:08
Speaker 1: That Wow, Like fucking wow, that is that is really
35:15
Speaker 1: good awareness.
35:17
Speaker 3: Yeah you are.
35:18
Speaker 1: I'm not saying this because we're on the I haven't
35:20
Speaker 1: even told you there's face to face, but you are different,
35:24
Speaker 1: Like it's like there's been a real shift. That's nice.
35:28
Speaker 1: It's nice, and that's not the that's not an adequate word,
35:32
Speaker 1: but it's for it's good to see, like it's good
35:39
Speaker 1: to see. And even even at the gym, you know,
35:43
Speaker 1: when I see you at the gym, like your energy
35:45
Speaker 1: is different, like yeah, there's it's like you used to
35:51
Speaker 1: come to the gym because you do or you did,
35:54
Speaker 1: you had that you know pretty much fuck off sign
35:57
Speaker 1: on your forehead like you're like easy going to a
36:01
Speaker 1: point and open to a point. But then it was
36:03
Speaker 1: like no, a fucking vault right. It was like one
36:07
Speaker 1: of those I picture those old in those old movies
36:10
Speaker 1: with the bank vault door that you've got to spin
36:13
Speaker 1: around the thing, and you know that that was like
36:16
Speaker 1: your heart like fuck off. You know, I can do
36:21
Speaker 1: the cheeky fun thing. But and when you used to
36:25
Speaker 1: hug like it was it was a Ron Harper hug.
36:29
Speaker 1: It was like almost like I know this is social etiquette,
36:33
Speaker 1: so I'll do it and it's just in an and
36:35
Speaker 1: not that it's like some big embrace now, but but
36:38
Speaker 1: your your energy is different to be around your physical
36:41
Speaker 1: energy and even when you yeah, it's it's it's nice.
36:46
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm glad to hear that because I feel
36:49
Speaker 2: I feel different. And I said to some of the others.
36:53
Speaker 2: I one, especially with you because I work so closely
36:56
Speaker 2: with you, and I'm like, I wonder what the experience
36:59
Speaker 2: was like and how much you could see and what
37:02
Speaker 2: that felt like. I dontclined in today just speaking about
37:06
Speaker 2: energy and I've trained them for a long time. Won't
37:09
Speaker 2: say hull it is or anything about the situation.
37:11
Speaker 3: But they came in and.
37:14
Speaker 2: Started talking and I can't remember what question because we
37:16
Speaker 2: sat down afterwards and had a session after the session
37:19
Speaker 2: and deep and meaningful, but I said, they were talking
37:23
Speaker 2: and I just stopped, put my hands we're doing pad
37:25
Speaker 2: work boxing my hands on my side, and I asked
37:28
Speaker 2: a question. I can't remember which one it might have been.
37:33
Speaker 2: I don't know what it was, but they just water works.
37:36
Speaker 3: They just broke down.
37:37
Speaker 2: They just cried, and we just had a big hug,
37:39
Speaker 2: and we probably had four big hugs throughout the session.
37:42
Speaker 2: And I said, you're going to stop and have a
37:44
Speaker 2: coffee with me after this, and we're going to do
37:46
Speaker 2: a whole other sort of session after this session. And
37:48
Speaker 2: thankfully I had the time after that, but it was
37:51
Speaker 2: beautiful to see that she had the space and the
37:56
Speaker 2: opportunity to do that with me. And I had to
38:01
Speaker 2: just stop and see the opportunity and ask a question
38:04
Speaker 2: that was going to matter in that moment.
38:07
Speaker 1: Yeah that's so nice.
38:09
Speaker 3: Yeah nice.
38:11
Speaker 1: I met similarly, I met there's a lot that used
38:15
Speaker 1: to work me for me. So I met one of
38:18
Speaker 1: my ex trainers who used to work for me. And
38:22
Speaker 1: there were hundreds, so I'm not giving away anything. A
38:24
Speaker 1: guy I saw him the other day. I only send
38:27
Speaker 1: two or three times a year, but and I was
38:31
Speaker 1: asking him how things are, and we ended up sitting
38:33
Speaker 1: down outside a cafe. He was getting a coffee, I
38:36
Speaker 1: was getting a coffee, and I said, you know, let's sit.
38:38
Speaker 1: So we sat and he gave me the rundown on everything,
38:43
Speaker 1: you know, like there's plenty going on in his life.
38:45
Speaker 1: He's not old, but he's older of course than when
38:48
Speaker 1: we worked. And then we then it just went quiet,
38:52
Speaker 1: and I went and what about you, mate? And I
38:56
Speaker 1: didn't say anything, and he just went and he's eyes
39:00
Speaker 1: filled up too, and I go, what's going on with you?
39:04
Speaker 1: And he goes ah, and then he just looked away
39:08
Speaker 1: and he's like, I can't talk about it. And he's
39:11
Speaker 1: just like you know when you just see and he's
39:13
Speaker 1: a dude, like he's an alpha male, like nice human,
39:18
Speaker 1: not an alpha male buff ed, but like a man's man,
39:21
Speaker 1: like good guy, and yeah, and anyway, I didn't push it,
39:26
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's just isn't it funny? You know sometimes
39:30
Speaker 1: when you're having this surface level conversation and it's like
39:35
Speaker 1: it's not that it's bullshit, but it's like it's yeah,
39:37
Speaker 1: and they're ah, yeah, good, and that yeah yep, and
39:40
Speaker 1: the kids yep, and the old mate yep, yep, mom
39:44
Speaker 1: and dad good yep, yep, yep, and it's all like
39:48
Speaker 1: it's okay, and we need those conversations because not everything
39:51
Speaker 1: has got to be a fucking deep dive into the
39:54
Speaker 1: human psyche, right, But every now and then you go,
39:58
Speaker 1: like you're talking to someone and you go, oh, I
40:02
Speaker 1: don't know about you, but I just sometimes feel compelled
40:04
Speaker 1: to go, all right, so what else? And they go
40:07
Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I go, I think, you
40:09
Speaker 1: know what I mean? What else? What else is going
40:12
Speaker 1: on with you? Like? What's going on? And you know,
40:15
Speaker 1: sometimes even with men, especially just if I go because
40:20
Speaker 1: men don't generally say something like how's your heart, mate,
40:25
Speaker 1: and that's it, just how's your heart? Oh, the amount
40:29
Speaker 1: of times where men have just like just teared up
40:36
Speaker 1: or you know, and it like you and your friend. Yeah,
40:38
Speaker 1: it's just like it's and not that we need to
40:41
Speaker 1: have a deep and meaningful every time, but yeah, it's
40:44
Speaker 1: just like people. You know, it's are you okay? Day?
40:47
Speaker 1: It's all that with men and women, old and young.
40:51
Speaker 1: You know when when somebody like you did with your
40:54
Speaker 1: client today, where you don't need to sessions done, you've
40:57
Speaker 1: done your job, but you go, no, we're just going
41:00
Speaker 1: to hang around and do this just because you know
41:04
Speaker 1: you want to help someone. You know. That's to me,
41:07
Speaker 1: that's when we spoke before about purpose. It's about that stuff.
41:11
Speaker 1: It's about the unpredictable, it's about the unpaid. Sometimes it's
41:15
Speaker 1: about the end, the moment, the spontaneous reading the signs,
41:19
Speaker 1: just unconditionally just loving someone and being there.
41:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's so desensitized to experiencing somebody asking how
41:29
Speaker 2: we are and meaning how we are?
41:31
Speaker 3: But just I know that.
41:33
Speaker 2: I mean, there was that time after the Marklebust workshop
41:36
Speaker 2: I did where I was emotional and you just text
41:38
Speaker 2: through and how bluck and how are you? And that
41:43
Speaker 2: just sent me like it's the moment, the caring door
41:46
Speaker 2: is opened, and you know that someone's actually not asking
41:49
Speaker 2: about how is your day? How is work? How is
41:52
Speaker 2: the people? What was the what is the surface stuff?
41:54
Speaker 2: How are you?
41:55
Speaker 3: It's a really emotional question.
41:58
Speaker 2: I just don't open the door to it.
42:00
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, well I think you know, I'm not
42:05
Speaker 1: the best at it, but I'm better. I'm pretty good
42:08
Speaker 1: at it, you know, but I still have. Like I've
42:13
Speaker 1: said this before, but sometimes I catch myself just being
42:17
Speaker 1: the persona not the person I'm like, oh, shut the fuck.
42:20
Speaker 1: Even my own persona gives me the shits, you know,
42:23
Speaker 1: because I'm ah, here's another story, here's another joke. Tip,
42:26
Speaker 1: pull my finger he he you know, but sometimes that's
42:31
Speaker 1: the fucking Craig Show. It makes me want to spew
42:33
Speaker 1: in my own mouth, you know. Ah. Fuck, I exhaust
42:37
Speaker 1: me and I am me geez, shut up like fucking
42:44
Speaker 1: But I think one of the challenges too, is I'm
42:49
Speaker 1: digressing and fucking there's no rhyme or reason to this conversation. Everybody,
42:52
Speaker 1: I apologize. But also as a you know, as a speaker,
42:58
Speaker 1: you're part performer, right because you've got to get up there.
43:01
Speaker 1: You can be real and raw, but you've also got
43:03
Speaker 1: to create connection, you know, tell stories hopefully make or
43:10
Speaker 1: enable people to have a good experience as well. Yes, yes,
43:13
Speaker 1: So it's this combination of vulnerability and performance and psychology
43:19
Speaker 1: and sociology and reading the room and being of value.
43:24
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, it's not just that where you
43:27
Speaker 1: can just get up and pour out your heart, because
43:29
Speaker 1: that ain't going to work either. Yeah, And so just
43:35
Speaker 1: like it's knowing when to ask the question to the person,
43:39
Speaker 1: because you might ask someone the same question in the
43:41
Speaker 1: wrong situation and it doesn't work. Yeah, So you've got
43:45
Speaker 1: to be all about that awareness and that like what's
43:48
Speaker 1: and their energy and your energy and yeah, it's and
43:54
Speaker 1: that's something that I think you can talk about, but
43:59
Speaker 1: you can't teach it like you can talk about it,
44:03
Speaker 1: like you can't. The only way that people can really
44:06
Speaker 1: develop that is just by being in the moment and
44:11
Speaker 1: going in with that kind of I'm going to be aware,
44:14
Speaker 1: I'm going to be present. I'm not going to be
44:15
Speaker 1: thinking about other shits. I'm going to pay attention to
44:19
Speaker 1: what their word, their words and there and the non
44:23
Speaker 1: words are telling me, you know, and go in with
44:27
Speaker 1: a good intention, which sounds fucking fluffy, but.
44:29
Speaker 2: It's true, and you also have to have such control
44:34
Speaker 2: over your own emotional regulation and the ability to remove
44:39
Speaker 2: that personal stuff in the situation. I know there's been
44:42
Speaker 2: times in the past where I see something in someone
44:49
Speaker 2: and but I am so emotionally attached to the idea
44:53
Speaker 2: around it that I can't articulate or be of any
44:55
Speaker 2: service to them because it's just going to come out
44:58
Speaker 2: as me being a fuck with or judge or you know,
45:00
Speaker 2: so you just i'd be like, I can't even say anything.
45:03
Speaker 2: I'm so irritated they do.
45:05
Speaker 3: That this way, do you know? It's like this way
45:08
Speaker 3: to be better?
45:08
Speaker 2: Like I could be more helpful if I could fuck
45:10
Speaker 2: my emotions off out of it so that I can
45:13
Speaker 2: convey some sort of information or idea to them in
45:18
Speaker 2: a way that they would receive.
45:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, well again, good self awareness. But that's the I mean,
45:26
Speaker 1: like for better or where's all your emotions go everywhere
45:30
Speaker 1: with you your bias, your your flaws, your good stuff,
45:34
Speaker 1: your bad stuff, you know, and the stuff that like
45:36
Speaker 1: there's stuff that annoys me that it annoys me that
45:40
Speaker 1: I get annoyed, like I shouldn't like it. It's like
45:45
Speaker 1: I know that I'm the problem, you know, Like people
45:49
Speaker 1: that annoy me sometimes where it's probably they're doing something
45:52
Speaker 1: that reminds me of me, whereas they're not actually the problem.
45:57
Speaker 1: I'm actually the problem. But I have this aware of, Oh,
46:01
Speaker 1: this person shits me in the moment, what is that about?
46:05
Speaker 1: And it's like, Oh, they're doing the thing that I do,
46:08
Speaker 1: or they're you know whatever. It might even be jealousy,
46:11
Speaker 1: or it might even be you know, it's I desperately
46:15
Speaker 1: try not to be that, but you know, still raises
46:19
Speaker 1: its ugly head.
46:20
Speaker 2: You've been my guru in and kind of the story
46:26
Speaker 2: I tell the people when I talk about boundaries. I
46:28
Speaker 2: was talking about my client with a client today about
46:31
Speaker 2: how you have set boundaries in cafes when people that
46:35
Speaker 2: it's not okay for you to be rude to me.
46:38
Speaker 2: I've told countless people that as an example of, you know,
46:43
Speaker 2: if you can remove your own shitty emotion and angst
46:46
Speaker 2: and just convey the message of setting a boundary, like
46:50
Speaker 2: if it's okay if you want to treat people like that,
46:52
Speaker 2: but it's not okay with me, so I either find
46:54
Speaker 2: someone else to serve me or be kind like that?
46:59
Speaker 2: Is that is God in the ability to begin understanding
47:03
Speaker 2: that setting a boundary doesn't mean that you're telling someone
47:06
Speaker 2: what to do to you. You're just saying you can
47:09
Speaker 2: do that, but you can't do I won't accept it
47:11
Speaker 2: for me.
47:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and that's just it's true. I won't let
47:17
Speaker 1: people be rude to me, or I'll walk away or on. Yeah,
47:22
Speaker 1: and it's like, also, neither should I be rude to
47:25
Speaker 1: anyone else ever, I mean even you know, I mean
47:28
Speaker 1: in extreme situations, if someone's doing something fucking violent or
47:32
Speaker 1: dangerous to someone, that's different. But in general terms, you.
47:35
Speaker 4: Know, there have been times when I have been rude,
47:38
Speaker 4: or I have been inconsiderate, or I have been unaware,
47:43
Speaker 4: And every time that I realized that, I apologize unequivocally,
47:47
Speaker 4: and I go, that was one hundred percent me, zero
47:50
Speaker 4: percent you.
47:51
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. But I think what is interesting, you know,
47:55
Speaker 1: to that comment that you made about the cafe and
47:57
Speaker 1: if you missed that, what tip's talking about it everyone.
48:00
Speaker 1: I've spoken a few times about how when people are
48:04
Speaker 1: rude to me, I just stopped them and say it's
48:06
Speaker 1: not okay. It's not okay with me that you're rude
48:09
Speaker 1: to me. So if you want to be rude, that's cool.
48:11
Speaker 1: But don't be rude to me, and it's you know,
48:15
Speaker 1: it's people get a shock, and nobody ever goes off.
48:20
Speaker 1: Most people either totally change their tune or go away
48:23
Speaker 1: and find somebody else. I say, listen, find me a
48:26
Speaker 1: customer service person who's not rude, or you stop being rude.
48:30
Speaker 1: They're the two options. But you being rude to me
48:33
Speaker 1: and me putting up with it, that's not one of
48:35
Speaker 1: the options. So you figure it out. But when when
48:40
Speaker 1: you do that, but you're not screaming, and you're not
48:42
Speaker 1: jumping up and down, and you're not getting elevated, and
48:46
Speaker 1: you're not being emotional, you're just, you know, a matter
48:49
Speaker 1: of fact, people are. People don't know how to respond sometimes,
48:53
Speaker 1: you know. And I remember, I don't know if I
48:56
Speaker 1: may have told this story once or twice, but in
48:59
Speaker 1: sixty six years so I'm sure most people haven't heard it.
49:02
Speaker 1: But I had a lady that I trained, so she
49:05
Speaker 1: was my client for quite a while, and when she
49:08
Speaker 1: first started training with me, I don't know if I've
49:10
Speaker 1: ever told you this, but she was so fucking rude
49:13
Speaker 1: to me, and like she treated me like a servant
49:20
Speaker 1: or you know, the hired help, Like the way that
49:24
Speaker 1: she spoke to me, was so denigrating and so so
49:29
Speaker 1: much talking down, like I was lucky to have her
49:34
Speaker 1: as a client, and I just I fixed that in
49:39
Speaker 1: fucking seventeen seconds. And anyway, she was rude to me
49:43
Speaker 1: the first session, and I gave her the benefit of
49:45
Speaker 1: the doubt. And then second session, and by the way,
49:48
Speaker 1: you know, quite well known, very very wealthy, like fucking
49:53
Speaker 1: more wealth than I would ever will ever have all that,
49:56
Speaker 1: and that's cool, well done, you're rich, well done. Cool.
49:59
Speaker 1: But so the second session, halfway through, same just treating
50:03
Speaker 1: me like shit. And I just said, I took her
50:07
Speaker 1: into my office at the gym, and I just said,
50:11
Speaker 1: I said, I don't know. I said this whole the
50:13
Speaker 1: way that you talk to me, and I just said,
50:16
Speaker 1: it's not okay. I don't you know. I don't need
50:19
Speaker 1: to train you. I'm training you because you want to be.
50:22
Speaker 1: I've got lots of other clients, I've got lots of stuff.
50:24
Speaker 1: I'm real busy. You're not doing me a favor. And
50:28
Speaker 1: when I pointed out the way that she spoke to
50:31
Speaker 1: me was she was rude, she was super apologetic, embarrassed
50:38
Speaker 1: and truly didn't I don't think she really knew what
50:43
Speaker 1: she was doing, and I explained her, you know, the
50:46
Speaker 1: whole kind of what's it like being around me? I said,
50:48
Speaker 1: maybe you don't know or realize, and if you don't,
50:52
Speaker 1: that's good, that would explain it. I said, but wow,
50:55
Speaker 1: the way that you come across like you have the
50:56
Speaker 1: biggest fucking superiority complex of all time, you know, and
51:01
Speaker 1: you're just another fucking human in the gym lifting. Shit,
51:04
Speaker 1: you're not special, and you can't talk to me or
51:07
Speaker 1: anyone like that, not here. And she apologized, and it
51:11
Speaker 1: was different forever from then, you know, And I think
51:13
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't know how we got to this conversation,
51:17
Speaker 1: but I think sometimes it's as long as you're speaking
51:20
Speaker 1: to people with a level of care and insight and
51:23
Speaker 1: compassion and you're not you know, you're not elevating and
51:27
Speaker 1: you're not you're not meeting them in aggression or whatever.
51:31
Speaker 1: I think it's that can produce good outcomes.
51:34
Speaker 2: Where did you learn or how were you influenced to
51:39
Speaker 2: get to that point? Did someone teach you or show
51:43
Speaker 2: you or guide you or was it amalgamation of some
51:46
Speaker 2: of the.
51:47
Speaker 1: Yes, it was just a lot of a lot of conversations,
51:50
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't. I mean, I don't know.
51:53
Speaker 1: This is a silly thing to say, but I've spent
51:55
Speaker 1: my life having conversations like a lot, all day every day,
51:59
Speaker 1: training people. And I remember, like I started working in
52:04
Speaker 1: gyms at eighteen, and all day every day I was
52:06
Speaker 1: writing programs, talking to people, you know, full on just
52:10
Speaker 1: I was never sitting around looking at a computer. I
52:13
Speaker 1: was talking to people all day on the gym floor,
52:16
Speaker 1: at reception, in the assessment room, taking people through shit.
52:21
Speaker 1: And then and then when I started training people one
52:24
Speaker 1: on one, and I started my own business, which was
52:26
Speaker 1: a business within a business initially, so I had a
52:30
Speaker 1: little kind of micro business within the public gym that
52:33
Speaker 1: I worked at. And I remember the way that some
52:37
Speaker 1: of the men that I trained would talk to me
52:41
Speaker 1: because they were more important in inverted commas. They were richer,
52:44
Speaker 1: they were older, they were smarter in inverted commas, and
52:48
Speaker 1: they treated me like a low level employee, you know,
52:52
Speaker 1: And I was and I remember saying too, I was
52:57
Speaker 1: quite terrified. But I remember having basically an issue with
53:03
Speaker 1: one of my clients who was a prick, and I
53:06
Speaker 1: sacked him and I just said, I'm not going to
53:09
Speaker 1: train you anymore. And he was fucking flabbergasted. And why,
53:14
Speaker 1: I said, because I was. I mean I was. I
53:17
Speaker 1: was working in pubs, I was doing security. I was
53:20
Speaker 1: one hundred and five kilos. I was you know, I
53:23
Speaker 1: was not incapable of looking after myself or being if
53:27
Speaker 1: I needed to be somewhat assertive in that way. But
53:32
Speaker 1: in the context of my business, I was always uber respectful,
53:35
Speaker 1: uber polite, and he was a bit of a bully
53:39
Speaker 1: and he just bullied people and he tried to bully me,
53:43
Speaker 1: and I fucking I just I didn't lose my shit.
53:47
Speaker 1: But I remember where I'd been polite, polite, polite, polite, polite,
53:51
Speaker 1: and then I got fucked off and he was terrified.
53:55
Speaker 1: And I remember looking at him, thinking, ah, he's not that.
54:00
Speaker 1: He's not a tough guy at all. And I just
54:03
Speaker 1: said to him, you know, one, I'm not going to
54:06
Speaker 1: train you anymore. And I just said to him, I
54:09
Speaker 1: can't remember exactly, but like the way that he treats
54:12
Speaker 1: people as shit. Then he apologized to my said nah,
54:15
Speaker 1: and I didn't. I never trained him again because it
54:17
Speaker 1: was just it was just a C word at that time. Anyway,
54:22
Speaker 1: maybe he got better after that, but then I realized, Oh,
54:25
Speaker 1: why did I put up with that for so long?
54:28
Speaker 1: Why did I let that person treat me like shit
54:31
Speaker 1: for so long? It's not like I'm dumb. I'm not
54:35
Speaker 1: scared of him, I'm not like, why am I doing that?
54:38
Speaker 1: And I think part of my self esteem was, well,
54:40
Speaker 1: that's all your worth, creak, and you're lucky to have
54:44
Speaker 1: this guy paying you this money, you know. So I
54:47
Speaker 1: think it was my shit self esteem and self worth
54:49
Speaker 1: that made me at times allow people to treat me badly.
54:56
Speaker 3: M Yeah, I think.
55:02
Speaker 2: Well. Another thing I was talking about today was that
55:04
Speaker 2: idea of actually addressing things openly and with that idea
55:09
Speaker 2: that when I talked about this with two other guests before,
55:12
Speaker 2: one was she's been on your show? What she's doctor?
55:17
Speaker 2: H anyway? The opposite Hannah, Hannah, doctor thank you? The
55:24
Speaker 2: opposite of being like, what's the ask every anyone, what's
55:28
Speaker 2: the opposite of nice? And ninety nine point nine percent
55:32
Speaker 2: of the time they'll say nasty. And the opposite of
55:36
Speaker 2: nice is not nasty. The opposite of nice is honest.
55:39
Speaker 2: And especially with females, this idea of conditioning to be nice,
55:43
Speaker 2: to be polite, to be this. So what we do
55:45
Speaker 2: is we hold on and we hold on and we
55:47
Speaker 2: suppress it and we're nice and until we have to
55:52
Speaker 2: set a boundary. But because we think that's nasty, there's
55:55
Speaker 2: kind of a bit of self hate and self loathing
55:56
Speaker 2: when we do it. So it's a horrible experience. And
56:00
Speaker 2: the reality is you don't have to be nasty. You
56:03
Speaker 2: just don't have to be nice about everything if it's
56:07
Speaker 2: not doing you any good, if it's putting you in
56:10
Speaker 2: a shitty position.
56:12
Speaker 1: All right, now you've opened the door that I'm fucking
56:14
Speaker 1: fascinated with. Okay, what are the rules though about honesty?
56:19
Speaker 1: What are the guidelines because you know, sometimes I mean honestly,
56:25
Speaker 1: obviously I would never do this, but like, no, I
56:28
Speaker 1: don't even want to say that that's a bad example.
56:30
Speaker 1: But you know it's like, okay, let me use myself
56:33
Speaker 1: as an example. So there are times when there were
56:37
Speaker 1: times when I was had a high profile working in
56:41
Speaker 1: the fitness industry. I own multiple gyms, very well known,
56:46
Speaker 1: all that shit writing for the Herald's son and at
56:48
Speaker 1: one stage they're just eating everything that wasn't nailed down.
56:52
Speaker 1: I was borderline. Well, I wasn't borderline. I was from
56:56
Speaker 1: a highweight point of view, obese and like, if somebody
57:01
Speaker 1: had to come up to me and gone, you're a
57:03
Speaker 1: fucking embarrassment. You're morbidly obese, you own a gym, you
57:07
Speaker 1: don't walk, your talk, you're all of that would have
57:10
Speaker 1: been true.
57:11
Speaker 3: But that's not.
57:12
Speaker 2: That's been nasty. That's not being honest. That's that's been nasty.
57:16
Speaker 1: But what if what if? Yeah? And I agree, but
57:20
Speaker 1: then so how do we how and when do we
57:25
Speaker 1: exercise this honesty? Like what are the guardrails?
57:29
Speaker 2: So I think that if you are being if you
57:34
Speaker 2: are just expressing your own experience and being honest about it, right,
57:42
Speaker 2: then you know, like this interaction that somebody's having like
57:47
Speaker 2: I can't you know, I say, somebody's not getting treated
57:50
Speaker 2: well at work and they're always getting then and they're
57:54
Speaker 2: taking advantage of and they work over time and they're
57:56
Speaker 2: all of these things and just saying like I love
58:00
Speaker 2: you and I love working here. However, this is not
58:05
Speaker 2: good for me and this is my personal experience, so
58:07
Speaker 2: I need to set a boundary for me.
58:09
Speaker 3: And it's hard for me.
58:10
Speaker 2: Because I really love you and the work, but it's
58:14
Speaker 2: not good for me. So this is, you know, that
58:17
Speaker 2: is being honest without being nasty, so that person gets
58:19
Speaker 2: the choice to hear them and go, oh, okay, well
58:22
Speaker 2: there's all the nice stuff in there, that's all true.
58:25
Speaker 2: I've had plenty of people that are like, oh, workI shit,
58:28
Speaker 2: I have to do overtime all the time. There's such
58:30
Speaker 2: fucking assholes, why do you do it? But also they
58:32
Speaker 2: love them, they love their work, they love the people,
58:34
Speaker 2: but they're angry, and they've been angry for a long
58:37
Speaker 2: time because they're always feeling undervalued. Yes, and it's like,
58:41
Speaker 2: you know, you can say no to doing that extra
58:45
Speaker 2: work that you don't have to do, but you can
58:47
Speaker 2: explain yourself and say, hey, this is not good for
58:50
Speaker 2: my health, and it's not been good for my health
58:52
Speaker 2: for a long time, and I wish it was because
58:53
Speaker 2: I fucking love you, but it's hurting me. I've had
58:58
Speaker 2: so many of those conversations. And what's funny is I've
59:02
Speaker 2: been able to have those conversations on hypotheticals for years
59:06
Speaker 2: when I didn't have the ability to enter into a
59:08
Speaker 2: difficult conversation myself because the emotions around it were too
59:12
Speaker 2: fucking much. I couldn't do that. But I had the
59:14
Speaker 2: clarity to see other situations and understand it and be like,
59:18
Speaker 2: well that that could be so easily resolved because there's
59:21
Speaker 2: nothing bad in this person.
59:23
Speaker 1: Well we need to do a whole our times up,
59:25
Speaker 1: but we need to do a whole fucking change, you know,
59:28
Speaker 1: because it's like sometimes people come up to me and
59:32
Speaker 1: you know, like, for example, I'm doing my mentoring group
59:35
Speaker 1: at the moment on Monday nights. I've got one tonight,
59:38
Speaker 1: and part of that is I'm doing one on ones
59:40
Speaker 1: with everyone in the group, as you know, has a
59:42
Speaker 1: one on one yep, you know, And sometimes people unpack
59:46
Speaker 1: stuff with you, and what they think is the problem,
59:50
Speaker 1: ain't the problem? Like sometimes they're the problem, you know.
59:55
Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is when you talk to people
59:57
Speaker 1: about their problems, do they say I'm in this relationship
1:00:03
Speaker 1: and I'm the problem, Like it's always the other person
1:00:09
Speaker 1: and or if they're out of shape, it's always their
1:00:14
Speaker 1: mum's cooking or work, or they're sore ankle that they
1:00:18
Speaker 1: can't you know, it's and then I'm like, okay, are
1:00:22
Speaker 1: you any part of the problem, And they're like recoil
1:00:26
Speaker 1: in shock, what do you mean. I'm like, well, all
1:00:32
Speaker 1: this shit's going wrong, I'm not I'm not being nasty.
1:00:36
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, is any of it you like? It
1:00:39
Speaker 1: can't always be the other person, you know. It can't
1:00:43
Speaker 1: always be your dad or your boss or and so
1:00:47
Speaker 1: not everybody that goes my boss is a cunt, is right?
1:00:52
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? It's not like all
1:00:54
Speaker 1: bosses are cunts and therefore anyone who's got a gripe
1:00:58
Speaker 1: is right. And it's like when Ricky giv says, just
1:01:01
Speaker 1: because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. It just means
1:01:04
Speaker 1: you're offended, you know, are you like? It can't? So
1:01:09
Speaker 1: that's the thing too. It's like when I say things
1:01:12
Speaker 1: sometimes people go, you're brutal, and I'm like, well, is
1:01:18
Speaker 1: what I'm saying true? I go, yeah, it's true, And
1:01:21
Speaker 1: I go, well, why don't you just say I'm honest?
1:01:24
Speaker 2: Because because we expect when we are going into conflict
1:01:28
Speaker 2: or confrontation that we want the outcome to be that
1:01:31
Speaker 2: the other person changes, and that's out of our hands.
1:01:34
Speaker 2: If the bosses are cun't the bosses are cunt. But
1:01:37
Speaker 2: what I have control of is the boundary I put up,
1:01:41
Speaker 2: and they're communicating to the boss that, okay, if you're
1:01:45
Speaker 2: if this is the way you're going to handle this situation.
1:01:48
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm not going to be handled like that,
1:01:51
Speaker 2: So I'm going to walk away right now. Yeah, Like,
1:01:55
Speaker 2: I'm not going to stay here and allow that to continue.
1:01:58
Speaker 2: So if you're going to continue it, that's cool. I'm
1:01:59
Speaker 2: not never be able to change it, but I'm not
1:02:01
Speaker 2: going to stand here and endure it.
1:02:03
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, But what if the boss isn't the problem.
1:02:10
Speaker 2: If the person is the problem, well, they are going
1:02:13
Speaker 2: to continue to have a lot of problems, aren't they?
1:02:16
Speaker 3: I think? And you know, then you just ask yourself.
1:02:20
Speaker 2: We'll watch the common denominate how many of these problem
1:02:22
Speaker 2: people are in my life. And if it's most of them,
1:02:25
Speaker 2: we're starting to get a clue. It's not the other people.
1:02:30
Speaker 2: I remember when I started working with you, and once
1:02:34
Speaker 2: you pulled me up on something really mine and you
1:02:36
Speaker 2: just said, hey, you made a joke on this topic,
1:02:40
Speaker 2: this particular topic, and I'm pretty sure you meant nothing
1:02:44
Speaker 2: by it, and we're joking, but that particular topic, Like,
1:02:48
Speaker 2: I don't like it, it's not good. It just made
1:02:50
Speaker 2: me feel good, and I just felt like this was
1:02:52
Speaker 2: like less than one in having a difficult conversation with
1:02:56
Speaker 2: someone you love. Like I hung up from that call
1:02:58
Speaker 2: and was like, I felt so fucking awful. I was like,
1:03:03
Speaker 2: I never want to be responsible for making someone I
1:03:06
Speaker 2: love feel like that. Oh God, but also going, oh,
1:03:11
Speaker 2: you can say that to someone and it doesn't have
1:03:15
Speaker 2: to be nasty, and you weren't angry about it. You
1:03:17
Speaker 2: just said, I'm just letting you know that that's not
1:03:19
Speaker 2: good for me, and oh God, Like I never forget it.
1:03:21
Speaker 2: But it was like those little moments for me have
1:03:23
Speaker 2: been so powerful, just learning, yeah, you know how to
1:03:30
Speaker 2: set about like I've used that since I'm like cool, Oh,
1:03:34
Speaker 2: I get to tell someone the behavior isn't good for me.
1:03:38
Speaker 2: They can choose whether or not they're going to I'm
1:03:39
Speaker 2: not telling you not to do it, but I'm going
1:03:41
Speaker 2: to tell you when you do that.
1:03:42
Speaker 3: This is how I feel.
1:03:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting. I did not know that. Well, it's
1:03:49
Speaker 1: been real. It's been long. It's been long and real, uh,
1:03:54
Speaker 1: Tiffany and Cook Roll with the Punches, Crag Anything Up
1:03:57
Speaker 1: of the Year Project listeners. Thanks we did you see
1:04:03
Speaker 1: you next time?
1:04:03
Speaker 3: Tiff signing off farewell