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The Curious Case of the Flying Roast! · Family Tree Food Stories

• 0:00
  Sylvia Lovely: It was a hot summer day when I reluctantly took Hart,
• 0:03
  my golden noodle, for a walk.
• 0:05
  Why reluctant?
• 0:06
  Well, I was in the midst of a colonoscopy prep, if you get my drift, but he so
• 0:11
  wanted a walk and I had to do it before I came to my, I ain't leaving the house
• 0:17
  for love nor money, If you've been there, done that, you know what I mean.
• 0:22
  I put the leash on him and I took off.
• 0:24
  As I entered the trail close to our house, I noticed Hart heading for what appeared
• 0:28
  to be a large leaf on the pavement.
• 0:31
  He was a nosy dog, so it was okay, for just a moment.
• 0:36
  Rather than a leaf, it was a perfect beef roast, plump and round,
• 0:39
  about three pounds and ruby red.
• 0:42
  All without the plastic wrapper, as though it just came fresh
• 0:45
  out of the grocery store case.
• 0:47
  I had little time to ponder the why of its presence on the
• 0:50
  trail, but more on that later.
• 0:53
  Hart's teeth quickly wrapped themselves around the roast, a treasure a dog
• 0:57
  could only hope for in a lifetime.
• 0:59
  And it was around 4 p.m..
• 1:01
  and no one in the neighborhood was home.
• 1:03
  I was suddenly alone with no options.
• 1:06
  And a brain fog made worse by my prep.
• 1:10
  I grabbed the bloody roast and I drug him back home, as it was in his jaw.
• 1:16
  I was holding his leash as tight as I held the roast.
• 1:19
  If I let go for a second, he would have headed to the carpeted
• 1:22
  bedroom, which happened to be his lair for all his other conquests,
• 1:25
  be they shoes, socks, underwear.
• 1:28
  A whole bottle of melatonin and seizure medication, and more
• 1:32
  than I have time to enumerate.
• 1:34
  A bloody roast on my carpet?
• 1:36
  Uh, no way.
• 1:37
  That was going to happen.
• 1:39
  With the leash firmly in my hand, I let go of the roast.
• 1:42
  I figured he would never let go of that.
• 1:44
  I was in my kitchen, and I grabbed first for scissors to cut the roast away.
• 1:50
  When that predictably didn't work, I grabbed a knife.
• 1:53
  Well, I quickly abandoned that idea.
• 1:55
  I would either cut off my hand or his head, And I wasn't quite ready for that
• 1:59
  risk, though I was nearing the abyss.
• 2:03
  Taking a moment to lean against the counter with my hands preoccupied
• 2:06
  with leash and roast, I gave thought to what could actually talk a dog
• 2:11
  off a meat truck, so to speak.
• 2:14
  He loved peanut butter, didn't he?
• 2:16
  Peanut butter trump a roast?
• 2:18
  Well, I'll try anything.
• 2:20
  Again, letting go of the roast, not the leash.
• 2:23
  I reached for the peanut butter jar.
• 2:25
  Holding it between my legs, I clumsily used my left hand to screw off the lid.
• 2:30
  I'm right handed, by the way.
• 2:32
  I reached into the jar and, without any sense of decorum, took a glob into
• 2:36
  my fist and held it down to his nose.
• 2:40
  Much to my surprise, he let go of the roast.
• 2:44
  I don't explain it, I just report it.
• 2:48
  He headed for his lair.
• 2:50
  Okay, peanut butter on the carpet is not too cool, but a bloody roast, no.
• 2:55
  So I declared victory.
• 2:56
  I quickly took a picture of the roast for posterity and put it into the
• 2:59
  refrigerator for all lookers to behold.
• 3:02
  An ordinary, miserable prep for a colonoscopy suddenly
• 3:06
  didn't seem all that bad.
• 3:08
  I won't, however, consider this as a solution to making
• 3:11
  it better in the future.
• 3:12
  I'll take just ordinary misery.
• 3:15
  So how did that roast get on the trail?
• 3:17
  I almost forgot to tell you the end to this tale of misery.
• 3:20
  So stay tuned, and after the break, I'll tell you all about it.
• 3:27
  Later that week, when I finally emerged from my ordeals, and was
• 3:31
  feeling halfway normal again, I was overhearing a conversation in the
• 3:35
  restaurant which my husband and I own.
• 3:38
  Someone was talking about how they had placed a roast on the grill, went inside
• 3:42
  for condiments, and upon returning, Saw a large bird carrying away the roast.
• 3:48
  Well, we can't imagine what happened, they exclaimed.
• 3:52
  Well, I smiled to myself.
• 3:55
  I know.
• 3:56
  No peanut butter for that poor bird.
• 3:58
  Somehow, that roast dropped from his talons.
• 4:01
  Who knows why?
• 4:03
  I need to find the bird and maybe give him a big glob of peanut butter for posterity.
• 4:10
  It was a hot summer day when I reluctantly took heart my golden noodle for a walk.
• 4:15
  Why reluctant?
• 4:16
  I was in the midst of a colonoscopy prep, if you get my drift.
• 4:20
  But he so wanted to walk, and I had to do it before I reached the point of I ain't
• 4:25
  leaving this house for love nor money.
• 4:28
  You'll know what I mean if you've had a colonoscopy prep.
• 4:32
  I put the leash on him and we took off.
• 4:34
  As I entered the trail close to our house, I noticed Hart heading for what appeared
• 4:38
  to be a large leaf on the pavement.
• 4:40
  He was a nosy dog, so that was okay for just a moment.
• 4:45
  Rather than a leaf, it was a perfect beef roast plump and round
• 4:48
  about three pounds in ruby red.
• 4:50
  All without the plastic wrapper, as though it just came fresh
• 4:53
  out of the grocery store.
• 4:55
  I had little time to ponder the why of its presence on the trail.
• 4:59
  But more on that later.
• 5:00
  Hart's teeth quickly wrapped themselves around the roast.
• 5:03
  A treasure a dog can only hope for in a lifetime.
• 5:06
  It was around 4 p.
• 5:07
  m.
• 5:08
  No one in the neighborhood was home.
• 5:09
  I was suddenly alone with no options and brain fog from that prep.
• 5:14
  I grabbed that bloody roast.
• 5:16
  That was still in his mouth, obviously, and drug him back home.
• 5:20
  I had to do something.
• 5:22
  Here I was in my kitchen, holding his leash as tight as I held the roast.
• 5:26
  If I let go for a second, he would have headed to the carpeted
• 5:29
  bedroom, which happened to be his lair for all other conquests.
• 5:33
  That includes shoes, socks, underwear, a whole bottle once of melatonin and
• 5:37
  seizure medication, and he's still living.
• 5:40
  And all a lot more than I have time to enumerate.
• 5:43
  A bloody roast on my carpet?
• 5:45
  No way that was going to happen.
• 5:47
  With the leash firmly in my hand, I let go of the roast.
• 5:50
  I figured he'd never let go of that on his own.
• 5:53
  And I grabbed first scissors to cut the roast away, and when that predictably
• 5:57
  didn't work, I grabbed a knife.
• 5:59
  I quickly abandoned that idea.
• 6:01
  I would either cut off my hand or his head, and I wasn't ready for that risk
• 6:05
  yet, Taking a moment to lean against the counter with my hands preoccupied
• 6:10
  with leash and roast, I gave a thought.
• 6:12
  What could talk a dog off a meat truck, so to speak?
• 6:16
  He loved peanut butter, didn't he?
• 6:18
  Peanut butter trump a roast?
• 6:20
  I'll try anything.
• 6:22
  So, letting go of the roast, I reached for the peanut butter jar.
• 6:25
  Holding it between my legs, I clumsily used my left hand to screw off the lid.
• 6:30
  I'm right handed, by the way.
• 6:32
  I reached into the jar and without any sense of decorum, or hygiene, took a glob
• 6:37
  into my fist and held it down to his nose.
• 6:39
  And much to my surprise, he let go of the roast.
• 6:44
  He headed immediately for his lair.
• 6:46
  Peanut butter on carpet is not cool, but better than a roast.
• 6:49
  I declared victory.
• 6:51
  I quickly took a picture of the roast for posterity and put it into the
• 6:54
  refrigerator for all lookers to behold.
• 6:57
  An ordinary, miserable prep for a colonoscopy suddenly
• 7:01
  didn't seem all that bad.
• 7:03
  I won't, however, consider this as a solution to making
• 7:06
  it better in the future.
• 7:07
  I'll take ordinary misery.
• 7:10
  And how did that roast get on the trail?
• 7:12
  Well, I almost forgot to tell you the end to this tale of misery.
• 7:16
  Stay tuned, and after the break, I'll satisfy your curiosity.
• 7:22
  Later that week, when I finally emerged from my dual ordeals, and
• 7:26
  was feeling halfway normal again, I overheard a conversation in the
• 7:30
  restaurant which my husband and I owned.
• 7:33
  Someone was talking about how they had placed a roast on the grill,
• 7:36
  and went inside for condiments.
• 7:39
  Upon returning, they saw a large bird carrying a roast away.
• 7:43
  Aw!
• 7:44
  They exclaimed, We can't imagine what happened to that roast.
• 7:49
  I smiled knowingly.
• 7:50
  I know.
• 7:52
  Poor bird.
• 7:53
  Somehow, it fell from his talons.
• 7:55
  I'm sure it happens in the world of Birdland.
• 7:58
  Occasionally.