Latest / The One Small Change Podcast / What to Subtract Before Your Next Yes
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome to The One Small Change. I'm thrilled to embark on this journey of
- 0:04exploration and transformation with you, and I'm your host, Yvonne McCoy,
- 0:08and I bring almost 30 years of entrepreneurial experience, and I have
- 0:12a crazy passion for discovering growth through the power of
- 0:15seemingly small change. And one of the reasons I do the
- 0:19podcast is so that I can bring you interesting people that can
- 0:23share their insights and help you on this journey. And this
- 0:26week we have Susan Curtis. Hi, Yvonne. Susan, hello.
- 0:31Hello, Yvonne. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for inviting me.
- 0:34I'm glad you're here. And she's going to share with you some
- 0:38small or unexpected thing that makes her really good at what
- 0:42she does, whether it was something that happened personally or something
- 0:45professionally. So Susan, tell everybody what you do,
- 0:50how you help people, and what was it that made you realize, you know, I'm
- 0:54This is what I was meant to do. Aha.
- 0:58Well, coming from a lifetime in
- 1:01communication one way or another, I was in book publishing and magazine
- 1:05publishing and guided many, many
- 1:09people actually to move from being a— I
- 1:13was a dinosaur because I came out of, heaven forbid, print,
- 1:16right? That means stuff you could hold. I used to love magazines.
- 1:20Yeah. Moved into digital and actually
- 1:24ran an executive recruiting firm, bringing many, many
- 1:28executives over from the magazine world into my world of
- 1:32digital. And along the way,
- 1:36actually, that was pretty wonderful business until
- 1:399/11 happened. And then everything came to an abrupt halt.
- 1:43I reinvented a few times. And the work
- 1:47that as an executive recruiter, I did actually
- 1:51woke up in me a belief in how much value
- 1:54people have and looking for that special value.
- 1:58So I won't go too deeply into that except to say
- 2:02that I've— I learned even from
- 2:06the very people who were looking for the positions
- 2:09that it's— that alignment is everything. So I'm really
- 2:13all about that. So here's the first thing. I
- 2:17think a lot of us had to pivot when, you know,
- 2:21either 9/11 or COVID. For me, it was COVID. Sure.
- 2:25I mean, I was doing— I was coaching executive
- 2:29women, executive directors of nonprofits, and
- 2:33I happened to get sick before COVID hit. And I was in
- 2:37the hospital for 5 days and it wasn't COVID.
- 2:41And when I went in, I had a business, and when I came out, I
- 2:44didn't. I mean, we're talking about like the sinking of the Titanic.
- 2:50Because they had no fun, you know, they couldn't have people come in, they had
- 2:53no way of getting, you know, I mean, their businesses were folding in.
- 2:57And sometimes it's a really big thing
- 3:01like that that makes you go, all right,
- 3:05what do I really want to— if I have to start over again,
- 3:10And you're not really starting over again because you've got all this experience. But
- 3:13what is it that I really want to spend my time doing? That's right, that's
- 3:17right. You're making a radical shift. I just did a talk on
- 3:21disruptors in our life, and what you just described is one
- 3:24of the 3 types of disruptors, which people call an act of God,
- 3:29right? You, you didn't do anything. You didn't do anything to attract this
- 3:33to you. You couldn't see it coming. And to lose your,
- 3:36your business like that over the course of 5 days. We all went through so
- 3:40much at that time, but that was severe, what you did, what you had to
- 3:43go through. So my act of God experience was
- 3:48that I— we had built up our magazines. I was publisher
- 3:52of a rather out-front
- 3:55magazine called Mobile Office, which was the first
- 3:59magazine in the work-from-anywhere space that we're all in
- 4:03today. But at the time, that was radical. And,
- 4:06um, we grew our magazines at a
- 4:10rough, really rough time, Gulf War. And a large media
- 4:14company purchased us, as we had, as was our goal. And I was bought
- 4:18along with it, bought, purchased along with it to keep it running.
- 4:22And then the Northridge earthquake hit. Boom.
- 4:268.3, I think, middle of the night. A bookcase fell
- 4:30on my daughter's crib and nearly crushed her. Oh my God. I mean,
- 4:33unbelievable. We had cracks that went through the inside of the
- 4:37house out to the outside of the house. The main beam of our home
- 4:41cracked, but I wasn't alone. This happened to everyone.
- 4:45So there were, to some extent, and there was a realization that we'd all
- 4:49been through some form of trauma. So, and I had to keep it all
- 4:53running. So the powers that were, the, the, the
- 4:56per— the company that purchased us brought in a Beverly
- 4:59Hills-based shrink to talk to us all and try to help us
- 5:03through the trauma. And at the end of his time, he said, is there anyone
- 5:07who'd like to talk to me privately? I'm here for the day. And I said,
- 5:10I will. And we had our time together and I said to him,
- 5:14look, I know that you're being paid for by the this company that just
- 5:18purchased us, but I'm just so unhappy.
- 5:22I said that
- 5:24I'm just— it's coming back, and I'm just
- 5:28gonna— I'm just, I'm just so unhappy. And that I've always
- 5:32stood up and done whatever I've committed to, you know, I was an
- 5:36achiever. Um, but I just don't see how
- 5:39I, I can make this work. And he said, why don't
- 5:43you leave? I thought,
- 5:47what? I couldn't even conceive of it. But I gave it some thought,
- 5:51and I gave the company 6 months' notice and
- 5:55found a new publisher for them. And I did leave and start new parts
- 5:59of my life. And I used to look at that, Yvonne, and
- 6:02think I just needed someone to give me permission.
- 6:07A lot of women do. I think we're so conditioned. We were so
- 6:11conditioned. I mean, the way our education system was, you know, there was
- 6:14this I mean, the whole goal was, you know, you
- 6:18find someplace to work for 30 years and you retire or whatever the case
- 6:22may be. Yep. I remember, I remember when I was
- 6:25teaching adult ed and
- 6:29I went to a graduation and the speaker said,
- 6:34he said, I had a chance at 2 opportunities,
- 6:38one that paid a whole lot of money and the other
- 6:41one You know, with the same company, one that paid a whole lot of money
- 6:45and one that was kind of a lateral move, but what I really wanted to
- 6:48do. And I picked what I wanted to do.
- 6:53And I remember, I mean, I almost jumped out of my seat and went,
- 6:57you can do that? You know, you don't
- 7:00have to— because I was always— it was always about getting the highest salary
- 7:04or, you know, and I just remember thinking, you can
- 7:08do that? You can pick what you want? I mean, it never
- 7:12even crossed my mind. I love that. Yes,
- 7:16I love that. And women especially are so—
- 7:20the women who have achieved in a world that
- 7:24still favors not men, basically. I
- 7:27don't know why I had trouble with that. Are so
- 7:31used to meeting others' expectations. And we do that
- 7:35from an early age. We do that with our parents and our teachers.
- 7:39And we do that to get through high school and get into a good school.
- 7:42Good college after that. And with our early bosses, we
- 7:46meet others' expectations, right? We're conditioned.
- 7:50Yes, we are. We're conditioned that there is— I mean,
- 7:54I remember saying to myself one day, so I was listening to a
- 7:58self-help tape, and I went, oh my God, I'm
- 8:02married. I've got 2 cars. I have a house. I have
- 8:05my 3 kids. I'm an adult.
- 8:11Yes, I'm an adult. I can actually make a decision
- 8:15for myself, not, you know, am I pleasing my
- 8:18parents? Am I pleasing, you know, all these other people?
- 8:22So yeah, I get it. Oh, and, you
- 8:26know, and then when it comes to giving permission, right,
- 8:29recognizing I needed someone to give me permission, I then
- 8:34realized later on in my life I needed to learn to give
- 8:38myself permission. Mm-hmm. And that's what you're talking about, really, to
- 8:42recognize that you can choose for yourself what you want. That's really the
- 8:45heart of the work that I do these days, is, is
- 8:50that, um, one of my favorite authors, John Acuff,
- 8:53A-C-U-F-F, has a book I love called Finish.
- 8:58And in it there's a chapter called Decide What to Bomb.
- 9:04And he's very funny, by the way. He's a great writer, reads really quickly and
- 9:07easily, and I love him. But he didn't mean what to explode, but
- 9:11rather what to mess up in order to finish
- 9:15things and succeed. And that idea,
- 9:18I think, is audacious, but
- 9:22we're so used to trying to do the opposite, aren't we? We think
- 9:26we've— I can handle it, I can squeeze it in, I can make it work.
- 9:30But sometimes it's not the same thing
- 9:33as alignment that you're touching on that that speaker said. And
- 9:38I think the other thing is,
- 9:45this is what I've learned this year, is
- 9:49particularly professionally when I was with other organizations.
- 9:53The things that I was really good at,
- 9:57that I just was interested in because of
- 10:00interest's sake, were the things that got me in
- 10:04trouble. Oh, it was like— what kind of trouble? What do you
- 10:08mean? Well, like, for instance, if somebody— you know, I'm interviewing you,
- 10:12you can't— Sorry, that's just too juicy. No, no, but, but,
- 10:15you know, I know one time I had a pro— I was like a coordinator
- 10:19in, in this adult education space, and I was a coordinator, and I had
- 10:23teachers. I had some teachers who were
- 10:26retired teachers, and when they went into businesses, they, they treated
- 10:30the employees almost like kids, right? And I had
- 10:34retired business people who didn't know how to teach. And so I had this
- 10:38mishmash of people who were volunteering, you know, or
- 10:41working at a very low— I see. —to do this good thing. And I
- 10:45had the same problem myself. I mean, I had some classes that were like
- 10:48spectacular and some classes that went over like lead balloons. And I
- 10:52was like, why is this? Right? What do I need to do to make this
- 10:55work? And so I kind of came up with a matrix for myself
- 10:59that worked, and I thought, well, I'm gonna train these other
- 11:03teachers to take a look at this, right? Okay. And
- 11:07so, you know, and I was doing this just
- 11:10because it was interesting to me. I wanted to get good results.
- 11:14And then somebody heard about it and said, well, can you— you know, you've got
- 11:172 of my teachers in there, can I bring the rest of my teachers? And
- 11:21I'm like, sure, why not? The more the merrier. It was, you know, and then
- 11:25You know, because I'm not, you know, like a bureaucratic kind of person. We're at
- 11:29a meeting and the— and our boss goes, okay, our next meeting is on this
- 11:33date. And somebody goes, oh no, we're going to Yvonne's training. Oh
- 11:36my gosh, awesome. And they're like, what training?
- 11:40And did you get approval for this? And, you know,
- 11:44it was— it started a whole thing like, what is she doing on her own?
- 11:48And, you know, I would— I could have been less interested in
- 11:52her job or moving up the ladder. I mean, I was just— it was just
- 11:55a curiosity thing, you know. And so I
- 11:59found that a lot of the things that I did like that,
- 12:03and in other organizations as well, like I would sit down and figure
- 12:06something out. And then, you know,
- 12:10I look at a newspaper, you know, the company
- 12:14newsletter, and there's my idea with my boss's name on it.
- 12:19Oh my gosh. You know, that kind of stuff. So anyway, so it was
- 12:23interesting to me to see, finally
- 12:27realize that the things that I was good at, the problem solving,
- 12:30coming up with a process for things just because I was
- 12:34curious, was the things that bumped up against what was already there.
- 12:39You know, that there, there was not an interest in changing it or
- 12:42addressing it, right? And people, you know, took
- 12:46it the wrong way. So when you talk about alignment, let's get
- 12:50back to what you do. When you talk about alignment, what do you find is
- 12:53the hardest thing for people to rediscover?
- 12:57Because that's really what they're doing. That is, it's about rediscovering
- 13:01themselves. So most of the
- 13:05women I work with have— they've accomplished
- 13:08their either in
- 13:12careers where they look great on paper, but
- 13:15somehow there's something that's not speaking to them anymore, or
- 13:19they've made the leap like you and I both did from a more
- 13:23corporate world into running their own consulting or their own business,
- 13:28their own coaching, and something is not
- 13:31aligning and they can't express it. So there's a few
- 13:35components to this. There's
- 13:39They are so— we talked about a little bit that they're so used to
- 13:42fulfilling everyone else's expectations that they don't recognize they're allowed
- 13:46to fulfill their own. And they don't listen to that
- 13:50quiet rumbling or whisper, if you want,
- 13:54that then becomes something— could be something so much greater. And so
- 13:58we gotta start with that. And then it's
- 14:02finding— and this is the work that I'm really now doing. But
- 14:05it's finding the languaging for it. So I've
- 14:09actually found and developed a way to work with my
- 14:13clients to identify their manifesto
- 14:17by interviewing them in such a way, it's almost like magical questions because
- 14:20we go so deep in terms of what do they stand for
- 14:24outwardly? What do you stand for facing outward? What do you want the world to
- 14:28see about you and the work you do? And then inward, I
- 14:32call it your credo. What is the golden thread throughout your life
- 14:36that no matter what role you were in, this is still what you believed in?
- 14:39Even back there when you said to yourself, you know, I could do that, I
- 14:42could actually do work that, you know, speaks to my soul,
- 14:47you know, and taking that all the way forward, what is that thread?
- 14:50And from there, as we develop that languaging, we go on to
- 14:54create your signature phrases because many of us are quoting
- 14:59Maya Angelou or Tony
- 15:02Robbins or Mel Robbins or, you know, any of these people, why not start quoting
- 15:06yourself and realizing that there's sort of such
- 15:10truth, veracity in what you have to say?
- 15:13So that's a big piece of it. What's really interesting to
- 15:17me is, um, one, I talk about a couple of things that
- 15:21connect to what you're saying. Um, when I do my workshop, one of the things
- 15:25I talk about is dead reckoning. which is a
- 15:29sailing term. And I said, I hate the way it sounds, but I
- 15:33love what it stands for. Okay. And so dead reckoning,
- 15:37you know, when you— before they had GPS and all the electronics and stuff,
- 15:41sailors, you know, they can't sail in a straight line because of the
- 15:45wind and the current. So you have to pick a spot that you're aiming for,
- 15:48either on the shore or on the horizon. And that's your dead
- 15:52reckoning. So even if you're— as you're tacking and, you know, doing whatever you
- 15:56have to do, changing directions, Yep. You still have—
- 15:59that's your endpoint. That's where you want to end up. And I
- 16:03think so many times we're, we're
- 16:06so in the moment of, I've got to do this, you know, this is, you
- 16:10know, I'm expected to go to high school after, you know, element, you know, that
- 16:14kind of thing, that we never look long-term,
- 16:18right, kind of thing. And as an
- 16:21entrepreneur, you never go in a straight line. So it's,
- 16:25it's really important to have that kind of anchor. The other thing
- 16:29is that I do that's kind of what you're talking about is I do this
- 16:33thing called the 3-word exercise where I go, how do you want to be
- 16:37described on your 100th birthday? Mm-hmm. What is the
- 16:40energy? Not, I was responsible, I was
- 16:43dependable, I was, you know, I showed up, whatever.
- 16:48It's like, I'm bold, I'm adventuresome, I'm, you know,
- 16:51whatever that energy is. And is that the energy that
- 16:55you're letting other people see? Because when When you do that,
- 16:59you attract the people who like that. So
- 17:02you're attracting the people who really want to see you and be
- 17:06with you the way you really are. And I said, you
- 17:10know, I lost almost 200 pounds with that exercise.
- 17:14That's really— because you focus on where you were
- 17:18looking. The thing was, I realized, you know, of course it
- 17:21was a pivot point. My first grandchild was coming in. I was like, I want
- 17:25to be a really good grandmother. You know, I wanna, you know, and I was
- 17:28like, what, you know, what, what do I have to do? And I was like,
- 17:31I need energy. I need to be energetic. So that was the first
- 17:35word. And then I said, and then I said, well, when was I the most
- 17:38energetic? And I called a friend of mine that I went to college with, and
- 17:42I said, how would you have described me when I, you know, when we were
- 17:45in college? And she said, you were the most adventuresome
- 17:49person I'd ever met. You would get up and go and just You know,
- 17:53do all these things that the rest of us wouldn't do. And then I asked
- 17:57my husband, who knew me then, and he said, you were the most intriguing woman
- 18:00I'd ever met. And I'm like, I'm keeping that up, you know? And
- 18:04that's how I started. That's what you wanted to embody, right? Yeah. And I woke
- 18:08up every morning and said, what can I do today to be energetic,
- 18:12adventuresome, and intriguing? Oh, that's your 3
- 18:16words, right? Those are my 3 words. So for business, instead of intriguing, it's
- 18:19curious. Right. And so, you know, what I
- 18:23found when I started— and I didn't— I mean, I used that to lose
- 18:27weight, but I didn't use that in my business until, you
- 18:30know, a couple years ago. And now it's really nice
- 18:34because I'm really amplifying that. And so when people— I,
- 18:38you know, I talk to people, they go, I love your energy, which means that
- 18:42the people who don't love it don't contact me. That's right,
- 18:45because you That's all you need. So it's a filter. So it, you know, so,
- 18:50you know, it's okay to be
- 18:54quirky. I mean, there are some people that, like, I have a friend who follows
- 18:57this woman who's got like a lion's
- 19:01head and all these really vibrant colors, and it just,
- 19:04it just like hurts me, you know, to go to her
- 19:08website even though she's got really good stuff, but I'm just not
- 19:12her person, and that's okay. And that's her job, is to
- 19:16attract those that are and repel those who are not. Yeah. Yeah. And,
- 19:20you know, that sort of touches on the theme here. I know it's the one
- 19:23small change. So for me, the one small
- 19:26change is reflected actually in
- 19:30what we're going to talk about in a moment and the, the gift I have
- 19:34to share. Uh, but it was— I learned to decide what to
- 19:37subtract. That's what John Acuff talked about in his
- 19:41Decide What to Bomb. Right? But what to subtract?
- 19:45Because women think that to solve, most of the time men and women
- 19:49think to solve a problem of where they are, what do they have to do
- 19:52now? What do they have to do now in your business? What do you
- 19:55have to add in? What do you have to do better? What do you have
- 19:58to learn? What do you have to master? All that. But we're still
- 20:01human. And when you decided what to subtract,
- 20:05you just, I shouldn't put words in your mouth 'cause what you achieved is incredible
- 20:09with your weight loss. But it sounds like you just, you decided to not
- 20:12make— the eating part
- 20:15paramount and maybe comfort, because you must have done some
- 20:19exercise too to get to that point, right? Yeah, I did. I did.
- 20:23But, but the thing is, I think it changes
- 20:27who you are. And so it changes the way
- 20:31you show up. I mean, and here's the other thing that, that, that
- 20:35I learned. I often say I probably learned more lessons to
- 20:39run a successful business from losing weight than I did from my MBA.
- 20:43So, one of the things that I learned was
- 20:47in order to have a successful change, you have to end
- 20:50something before you can start something.
- 20:54That's right. And that was like a really hard lesson for me, but it showed
- 20:58up in so many different ways. I mean, like, if I wanted to add
- 21:01exercise, you know, I got up at the same time, I tried to
- 21:05exercise, then I was like running late for my appointments. It was like,
- 21:09okay, I have to like get up earlier. If I need to get up earlier,
- 21:13then I need to go to bed earlier. So I need to give up some
- 21:16nighttime TV or record it or do something. I mean, just silly things,
- 21:20you know? But it's all connected. Yes, it is. And I think the
- 21:24other thing that's really important is
- 21:28failure is part of success. You learn— I think you learn
- 21:32more from failing than you do from succeeding, because when you succeed,
- 21:36you say, oh, this worked, I'll do it again. When Right? Without saying, why
- 21:40did it work? Did it only work in this circumstance? I mean, you know,
- 21:43whatever. When you fail, we have a
- 21:47tendency to go, I'm gonna try something else new,
- 21:50instead of saying, why did this fail? Why did this not
- 21:54work? What can I learn from this? You know? So you don't wanna keep
- 21:58doing the same thing, making the same mistake, but it's a part
- 22:02of the process. And I was raised in a way that failure
- 22:06was not an option. And so I never tried
- 22:09anything that I wasn't sure I could succeed at. Oh,
- 22:13I mean, that is so true for me too. I hear you.
- 22:17What do you wish— I know I'm not the interviewer here. No, go ahead. Go
- 22:20ahead. I was wondering an example of something that you wish you had tried
- 22:24or would have tried if failure had been
- 22:27allowed.
- 22:32I'm not sure.
- 22:37I know that since I've decided to be more adventuresome,
- 22:41sometimes it takes me a long time to do something.
- 22:45So my daughter has got the whole family, almost the whole family
- 22:49into Pilates. And it took me a really long time to say I was going
- 22:52to try this because I'm still a big woman. And it was
- 22:56like, you know, all I could see in my head was like baby elephant
- 22:59trying to get— Aww. You know? And
- 23:03now I love it. I mean, you know, I've gotten to the place where
- 23:07I feel, you know, I can see the progress, which is
- 23:11really what it's about. I mean, I'm never going to be a skinny person. That
- 23:14is not in the cards anywhere. I don't come from a skinny family,
- 23:17necessarily, you know, and that's not my goal. My goal is
- 23:21just to have more mobility, live longer, and, you know, have a good life. Yeah.
- 23:25So, let me ask you this. Because I don't want us to
- 23:29run out of time. Um, what are 3 things that you think people can
- 23:33do, um, right now to,
- 23:37to get more aligned with their business, to feel more,
- 23:41you know, I don't know how you would describe it.
- 23:45I'm, I'm using aligned, but I feel like that doesn't, that's such an overused
- 23:49word. I would like you to say— But you'd like some practical action, right?
- 23:53Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. I would start with—
- 23:57I'd ask them to start with what, when they're
- 24:01looking, considering the next yes, the next
- 24:04decision, what would I have to subtract to make
- 24:08room for this yes? Just like you said. And
- 24:12am I willing to make that trade?
- 24:16Because we're really talking about prioritizing. That's right. What matters to me now?
- 24:20Yeah. Right. And so one thing that everyone listening can
- 24:24do is to make a quick list of what you're doing.
- 24:28Because what are the things you're doing now that you genuinely want
- 24:32to be doing that matter now, that you're good at,
- 24:35touching on what you just talked about,
- 24:40what you're doing as opposed to— that's sort of one
- 24:44side. And the other side is you've always done it You're doing now
- 24:48because you've always done it and other people expect it of you.
- 24:52Those are not the same reasons. So for me,
- 24:56for me, one of the things that falls into that category
- 25:00is I did taxes for over 15 years.
- 25:06Oh, you did taxes? You said taxes? Yeah.
- 25:10Yes. You know, my MBA is in finance and accounting.
- 25:13And I worked for a company and, um, you know,
- 25:17I did taxes for 15 years. And then after I did that,
- 25:21I also helped nonprofits that were doing taxes,
- 25:25and I was doing tax training and stuff. And at a certain point, it's
- 25:29like, I don't want to do this. This is something that's easy for
- 25:33me to do. I'm good at it, but it's
- 25:36not really what I want to do. Feed you. And people
- 25:40like— I just had a friend recently say, why aren't you doing taxes?
- 25:44Because I don't want to. I mean, it
- 25:47doesn't light me up. I mean, yes, I loved it when I could
- 25:51get somebody a refund or something like that, but it's not the same thing
- 25:56as helping somebody change their life. No, it's not.
- 26:00And I totally subscribe to that. Light me up
- 26:04is the essence of the work I do today, even though I was really good
- 26:08at the stuff of magazine publishing and talking to companies companies,
- 26:11you know, Microsoft and Apple and helping them with their business, all that.
- 26:16Just 'cause you're good at it is just not the same as lights you
- 26:20up. It just isn't the same. And so
- 26:24the thinking about the space that you can create
- 26:29and making room for what's next, that's what lights me up. That's the
- 26:33identity alignment journey, you know? And just
- 26:36because you're capable of carrying something doesn't mean you have to carry it forever.
- 26:41And I've— you talked about entrepreneurship, and it
- 26:44reminds me of how one thing I like
- 26:48people to understand in themselves, they often beat themselves
- 26:52up for having changed careers so several times. I was this,
- 26:56and then I wore that hat, and then I wore that hat. And I myself
- 26:59have had at least 5 hats, you know. But it's not— it used
- 27:03to be written like my dad worked for ABC, American Broadcasting Company,
- 27:06for 37 years. Mm-hmm. He, he had a, a
- 27:10job for like 6 months before that, but other than that, his whole life was
- 27:14with ABC and he had a pension. You know, imagine that.
- 27:18Um, that's— and he didn't really get
- 27:22entrepreneurship, right? He didn't understand that. And that, that
- 27:26was the model that we all had in our— in the generation
- 27:29before us. And that's so
- 27:34Recognizing that your life is progress with
- 27:38that dead reckoning at the end in terms of where
- 27:42you're going. Those zigs and zags are all the ways that
- 27:45we pick up who we are. So the sort of the essence of
- 27:49my work when I talk about identity alignment is
- 27:53understanding who you are, who you
- 27:57like, who you have become based
- 28:01on your roles, the work that you do so well.
- 28:05And now look at who are you becoming and recognize that
- 28:09that's perfectly okay. And I
- 28:13give voice and language to that gap
- 28:17and help women identify the language of what they really want to
- 28:20stand for. The thing I think that's
- 28:24interesting If we talk about doing things, I
- 28:28was talking about this the other day, is I was decluttering my
- 28:32office and getting rid of stuff. Oh, good. Would you
- 28:35come and do that here? I wasn't very successful here either,
- 28:39because one of the things is I was digging in things
- 28:43from when I first started my— having the idea of
- 28:47having a business, and I started pulling out stuff and I
- 28:51went, Oh my God, I'm still teaching this, but it's better.
- 28:55Oh. You know, even all, you know, some of the threads that have
- 28:59continued to go through, and it was like, oh my
- 29:02God, I could use this idea now. It's still, you know,
- 29:06and so it's about, it isn't
- 29:10necessary, what I've learned is it's not about getting
- 29:13wider with what you do, it's about getting deeper.
- 29:18Nice. Yes, you do that thing deeper. And so you say,
- 29:21how do I, how do I really get into
- 29:27how I feel, you know, and how I, you know, I come
- 29:30across how I can help other people, how I can help them to
- 29:34see what they can do. I mean, when I used to say,
- 29:40if you're a woman and you can get a meal on the, you know, a
- 29:42meal on the table and all the pieces are hot, than you can run a
- 29:46factory. That was, you know, and I, and
- 29:50I said that because, you know, when my husband first started cooking, he decided we
- 29:53were going to have steak dinner. And so he cooked the steak and then he
- 29:56was like, oh, I think we'll have baked potatoes.
- 30:00Before microwaves, it was like, oh. Oh, you needed an hour. You know,
- 30:04while the potato was baking, then we were getting the vegetables. So it was a
- 30:07very long dinner, you know. I mean, he's a wonderful cook now.
- 30:11So don't let me— you know, and he does all the cooking, so let me
- 30:14not discourage him. But the point of it is that you have
- 30:18certain skills, and the idea is to use those skills,
- 30:21the things that you're naturally good at, at the things that you actually want to
- 30:25do. And, you know, using your kind of— I call it a
- 30:29divided to-do list. Here are the things that I have to do. Here are the
- 30:32things I want to do. And if you start each day off
- 30:36with one of the things that you want to do, first,
- 30:41it will change your life. Because it just— I don't know what
- 30:45it does. It just makes a total difference. Because the things you
- 30:48have to do, you will do. And, you know,
- 30:52and they will take as much time as you give them. Allow them to. Yes.
- 30:56Yeah. And so if you start with something that you want to do,
- 31:00you are just— you feel so— you feel so much more like you, and then
- 31:03you just knock out the stuff that you have to do. It just changes your
- 31:07whole dynamic. Anyway, we're running out of time, so let's do
- 31:10this. Um, I don't know whether you finish with your, with
- 31:14your, your things we can do, but I definitely want to hear about your gift.
- 31:19Certainly. What I
- 31:23decided I wanted to share with your audience is a
- 31:26guide called The 3 AM Question. It's what to
- 31:30subtract before your next yes. Because,
- 31:34I mean, Yvonne, your idea is so right on in terms of what's the thing
- 31:38you want to do. But then we are human.
- 31:43I even have a course on imposter syndrome, on all, you know, which is what
- 31:46rears up after you decide all of that. And then you say, but I, but
- 31:50this, but that, but all these reasons not. So if we
- 31:54are able to look at that next opportunity or that next yes you
- 31:58want to come up with and ask yourself, What still
- 32:02fits? That's what, that's what this, this guide is about. It,
- 32:06it's a few questions and some reflections that help you
- 32:09decide what you've outgrown, what may be ready to go,
- 32:13what deserves the space that I can create, and how do I make room for
- 32:16what's next? And at that point, you get to ask and
- 32:20get to look at who have I become and how do I begin
- 32:24living and expressing myself from there?
- 32:29Sounds wonderful. Okay, I'm gonna put you on the spot. When was the
- 32:33last time you did something new for the first time?
- 32:37Well, I'm doing it here and now, I would say. And that's
- 32:41because the having
- 32:44reinvented— so the last time is this year and every
- 32:48single day because I shaped
- 32:52my business differently, my work differently. I was doing
- 32:56Um, long-term coaching. But right today, but today
- 33:00my focus is on helping women get the
- 33:03words, you know, find the language for who they are. It's
- 33:07your own flag, it's your own manifesto.
- 33:11And so I hope that answers your question because, yeah, and I think really
- 33:15meaningful. And I think that that action is a leverage action
- 33:18because like I said, I said to you earlier, It doesn't matter how
- 33:22fast you're going if you're going in the wrong direction. So when you have the
- 33:25right language, you can stand out and attract the people that you,
- 33:30you know, you can get your message out. Visibility is a magnifier. It'll either
- 33:33magnify the right message or the wrong message. So why
- 33:37not have the right message? That's correct. You're so right. And that's
- 33:41so— and so many people are running their businesses in a place they
- 33:45don't want to. So this work is so I
- 33:49find it exceptional. I mean, women often wind up in tears when we go through
- 33:52it, not because I'm trying to drive them to tears, but they feel so
- 33:55connected and articulated. Right. And then from
- 33:59there, yes. And the
- 34:03words are coming out, you know, they're not being blocked anymore. So
- 34:07that's what— All right. I'm sorry, but we're running out of time.
- 34:11I need to wind this up. Okay, so I gotta do
- 34:15the commercial. So real fast, make sure everybody subscribes and shares
- 34:19and engages this with this podcast on social media. And
- 34:23it's my way of giving back. I hope that you will join us for the
- 34:26one small change and share it with other people.
- 34:30If you haven't listened, there are a couple of solo episodes that I've done.
- 34:34The first one about why I'm doing this, some on clarity work, and
- 34:38I I have some that are, that are coming up. So I want you to
- 34:41listen to that because obviously I like to talk and I try to give my,
- 34:45my guests most of the time, but sometimes I have things I want to say.
- 34:49So anyway, Susan, what are your last words of wisdom you want
- 34:52people to remember? Ah, oh,
- 34:56that's just too good. I think you may not need to
- 34:59become someone new. You may just need to recognize the person you've already
- 35:03become, find the language for her, and start making choices from there.
- 35:08I love that. I love that. Be recognized. It's not enough just to be
- 35:11seen. You need to be recognized. Okay, people, remember that
- 35:15change is simple, but it's not always easy, and it requires courage,
- 35:19resilience, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. So I
- 35:23hope that you will continue to join me on this journey for this
- 35:27and come and listen to The One Small Change. Please come to my
- 35:30workshop, the Be Found workshop. Get clarity, get confidence,
- 35:34and get consistent It happens every month.
- 35:37And until the next time, stay very,
- 35:41very curious. Thank you, Susan. Thank you so much, Yvonne. Such a
- 35:45pleasure.