Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Melissa Fredericks On Faith, Marriage & Finding Herself in Her Second Act

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Melissa Fredericks On Faith, Marriage & Finding Herself in Her Second Act · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You know, the first girl I date. Like that's going
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: it's not gonna be puppy led, like we're gonna be
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: together forever.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Hey, guys, thanks thanks for joining me on too personal.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: I'm very excited. We have America's sweetheart, one half of
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: America's couple friend who we've already had on the show, keV,
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: but this is the queen of keV on stage studios,
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Melissa Fredericks.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining me. I'm so excited to
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: be here. Thank you for having me.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: We had Kevin. I feel like we've had the family on.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: We had keV on, we had Tony on nice. Oh yeah,
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: you get you in studio. And you were saying before
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: we started that you don't usually do these without keV.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: No, I I this may be my first.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: What an honor? Yeah, this might be.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: This might be the first time I've ever Let me
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: make sure I'm not lying, but it feels if this
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: feels true to me that this is the first time
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I've done a podcast without keV.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's true. Wow, Well, thank you. What
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: an honor.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I know I'm always scary about it. Well I'm scary now.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: No, the pressure is not on you have a lot
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: of pressure.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Now, well, it's a safe space, so we won't we
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: won't get you into any trouble. Although that's that is
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: not that's why we love you guys so much. We
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: were talking about it before. I think that, you know,
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: there's been some things that have popped up on the
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: internet recently. We're a little pushback with with keV and
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: and you, and I'm like, please, get.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Please so serious, be so for real, y'all.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Are not canceling Kevin wilissam be for real that I
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: don't even want to hear about this.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: They did want to cancel us for not knowing Gez
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Chain well, and that was crazy.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, I think canceling and accountability are two
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: different things. Although I will say I can't do that.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Everybody has to know everybody game, Like, listen, we're out
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: here trying to survive, all right.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: I don't know everybody.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: And and and while there are some that people might
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: be upset about, there's too many famous people.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: I can't keep trying everyone.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: And the thing is, the comment was, we've never listened
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: to a Jez album. Obviously we're aware of who Jez is,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: but the internet takes it and runs with it and
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: becomes these other things.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: But when you think about people in context, meaning.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: We grew up churchy, we didn't have a lot of
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: exposure to secular music during his heyday, that makes sense
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: to who we are, right, And so I think sometimes
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: people forget about that, Like what's huge in your world
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: can be very specific to your world. Like you want
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: to name a Mary Mary album and I can know
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: them front to back, the entire album, every ad lib,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: every rift, every run, the musician and the trumpets and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: the drums.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I can do it. You might not cant, right, Kurt Franklin,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I can do it.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: You might not care because that was my world, you know,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: And I'm not expecting you to know my world. But Chad,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: the internet was having a hey day. But let me
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: tell you something. They play them now on my gym.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, my president is correct.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: I grew up Churchy, but like half Churchy, so I
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: know the like Kirk Franklin, is the core part of
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: my childhood, and we weren't allowed so like it was
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: like what a wana on in the house and then
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: what actually like what went on in the other.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Half of the time.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: So I had the education in both, which is kind
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: of a unique experience because it was so churchy, Like
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: do you remember I want to see what kind of churchy?
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Do you remember like DC Talk, Yes, specifically with Kurt Franklin,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: such a deep cut. Yeah, Oh, what is the name
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: of the album? I mean the name of the song
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: that I'm thinking of it is uh with kurk Franklin
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: DC Talk. Well look it up. Yes, it was in
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: my head. It's gonna come randomly. I'm just gonna blurt
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: out of the lyric. Just forgive me now for the
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: intrusive thought when it comes to me. Yes, I just
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: blurt it out.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Did you do a wanna? Didn't do a wanna? Okay?
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: What else was there?
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: See, we we're close to the same age, so we
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: had a lot of like the same kind of contents
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: as we were growing older, and in my house we
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: were really only allowed to watch sports or like kung
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: fu movies, so specific yes, like it was like he
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: was way into kung fu. So I've seen like all
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: of the Bruce Lee movies, like any kind of kung
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: fu movie that's ever existed. But yeah, I mean church
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: is a big part of your brand still, But what
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I find as someone who's going through a spiritual crisis
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: myself and grew up very very heavy in the church,
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: like four or five days a week, all of the things, outreach, missions, trips,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: the whole bit.
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  Speaker 3: I don't go to church now.
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  Speaker 2: But what I love so much about what you and
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: keV represent is that you, to me are what Christianity
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: is supposed to look like, feel like, act like, speak like, give.
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  Speaker 3: Like love like.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: And I have my my older sister and her husband
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  Speaker 2: are the same way. And for me, it kind of
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: ruins Christians. If it's not this, I don't want it.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be around it. But I know
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: that's probably not how you feel. But what is your
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: pulse on, Like, what what's.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Going on with like particularly the Black church right now?
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I honestly, I think there is a bit of a
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: reckoning happening. I tell my husband all the time when
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: he came out recently with his his stance on the
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: gay community, the g l g B T qu I
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: a community where he's basically like, I just know I'm
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: going to lead with love. I think that at least
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: for us, we're in in a space where we've decided
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: to lead with love. Because we're willing to recognize we
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: don't have all of the answers. And I think sometimes
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: in sometimes with religion, we're looking for definitiveness. We need
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: things to be clearly defined good, bad, black, white, and
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: it's just not really the way the world works. And
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I'm willing to say that's God's business. I'm not God,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: so I don't know, right, I don't know. So what
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I do know is love. That's what I know. And
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: so I'm going to stand in everything that I do
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: from that space and allow God to handle the risks.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: And that's not only is it a risk, I'm not
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: quite sure that it is a risk, but for the
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: sake of the conversation, a risk I'm willing to take
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: because the other part about it is the Internet can
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: be mad. I have a niece that's gay, I have
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: an aunt that's gay. I have a cousin that's gay.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I have a nephew that's gay. I'm not going to
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: please the internet. Right My kid's godmother is gay. And
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I have people in my action life that I love
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: and love me, and I'm not going to isolate and
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  Speaker 1: alienate them to make anyone happy. That's just not worth it.
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  Speaker 1: And it feels contrary to who I believe God is.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And so I'm I'm leading with love. Come your niece,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I love you. Come your cousin, I love you. And
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I don't want. I don't want to have the appearance
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: of perfection because I get it right all the time
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: and that's okay. And Gods do love me and that's okay.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: And I think leading with that it makes Christianity and
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: religion more approachable.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: We have this.
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  Speaker 1: The analogy where we, you know, we think about God
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: as our father, and I think about as a parent.
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  Speaker 1: The lengths I'm willing to go to for my child,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: it's not going to be too I think he might
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  Speaker 1: be Your producer said, I don't want to have kids
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: because I might go to jail behind them.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Amen, my son right now.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: The other day in our neighborhood, you're supposed to put
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: like a little placard in your window, and if you don't,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: you'll get a ticket from the hoa child to be annoying.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: The crap didn't capsa the other day, h And that's
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: what he was talking about.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my god, I can't stand it. Pissed me off.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I gave him the thing he flipped it up and
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: because they he flipped it up, they couldn't see it.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And I said, Isaiah, I literally just told him this that,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: like two days ago, you have to put this down
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: because I'm gonna cuss somebody out and you wrong.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: You need to They need to see it.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: And I know this is stupid and I know it's dumb,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: and I know they could see it all if all
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: they gotta do is look. But because they can't, like
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: just quickly be able to visualize, I can see the
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: little placard They're gonna give us this ticket. And what's
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: gonna happen is I'm gonna go down to that office
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell somebody off right, protect your mama,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: put the thing down, please, because I'm finna go off.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: And so these are I'm like, and this is shit,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: and I but that's the goal part. He is actually wrong,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: do right, and I'm still willing to cut somebody out
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: behind my child.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: That's a great you know, I know in church they're
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: always talking about that, but that is a great analogy
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  Speaker 2: for how to love, Like if you think of God's
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  Speaker 2: love as a parent's.
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  Speaker 3: Love, like a true love.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because everybody doesn't have good parents, but a parent
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  Speaker 2: that truly loves you. We know what parents will do
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: for their children. And if you think of what God's
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: love is supposed to feel like and look like, it's similar.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: And if we're supposed to act as He would act,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: that is how you should treat people.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: I think it's I think it's true that it's.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Really hard to find in a world that is increasingly
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: this or that, black or white. There's no flexibility, there's
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: no nuance, particularly on the Internet, which is look, what's
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: where we live, our lives. It's where this show is.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: It's where a lot of the content that you guys
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: make lives. And while we strive to get the internets
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: to have a little bit more context and a little
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: bit more conversation and a little bit more understanding, it's
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: hard in these formats to have real conversation, and for religion,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: particularly because when all that was going on, obviously I
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: was like, y'all, y'all, need you know you need to
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: be serious? Okay, because like I'll.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: Say things that they should be serious.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: But like love is such a controversial topic. It has
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: become very controversial.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I think it's because we're trying to gate keep who
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: deserves love instead of just like freely giving it. And
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I think again, if I'm going from what I know
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: from sure for sure, and I'm no expert, be clear,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: all right, I didn't go to clergy, I didn't go
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: to I didn't do the things. I don't have none
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: of the degrees. I don't know none of the things.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: What I do know is love. And so I and
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to gate keep who deserves that love? Yeah,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And so when you lead with that, the doors are open,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: like I'm open, you know, And I think again, when
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: you were talking about going through your like crisis in religion,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I think for a lot of millennials, we are because
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: my I read a lot of romance novels a lot,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: and I just got into a little bit. And one
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: of the ladies that got in her name is Kennedy Ryan.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Love her, door her. She's freaking fantastic, it is, She's
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: still great.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Are like there?
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: I read a lot of history because I just like
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: to stay in a state of full anger and never
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: get a peace. But Hailey got me into the court
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: of Thorns n' roses.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: And but like she is a romance.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Oh she's amazing. So actually to this point. I actually
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I was in therapy and I used to read like
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: a lot of self help books. I love a good
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: self help books because I like to stay in a
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: in a state of you're not good enough, so what
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: can you fix? And so my therapist was like, girl,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: you're not a project. I need you to read something
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: that's just for fun. You should read this, And so
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I started on The Skyline's Sisters love this book. I
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: actually got a chance to meet Kennedy just really really amazing.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: I was, oh, I was going somewhere with this.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, regardless, you should try to read. I need to
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: give myself some peace, give yourself some peace and sit
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: down and read a little.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: They're fantastic.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: And if you're an audiobook listener, she read she writes
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: with audiobooks in mind, because we're always on the on
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: the road, on the way to go. So I do
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: a lot of audio listening. And she's really good about
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: like submerging you. It's almost becomes a movie in your mind.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: She's phenomenal. Can't speak highly enough of her anyway. keV
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: has his podcast Not My Best Moment.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: She was on it. She also grew very churchy and
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: one of the things.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: She talked about was that sometimes we inherit this faith
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: from our parents and we never interrogate it.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: And I feel like for a lot of millennials, myself included,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: my husband included, we're in a space where we're asking questions.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: We're saying this doesn't make sense, or this doesn't resonate,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: or based on my life and my lived experience, these
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: feel contrary to one another. How are you telling me
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: this is who God is? And then when I'm experienced
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: in this in the world, I don't know how to
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: integrate these things, it feels. And so we're asking these questions.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: When I was a child, I didn't even feel like
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I had the space to ask questions. Yeah, I felt
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: like it was disrespectful or you know, a pathway to
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: hell that I would dare question God. And I feel
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: like I'm in a space now where like I feel
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: like God invites those questions. It's okay to understand me
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: deeper and to come to who God is to you
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: and in your life, and how does God show up
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: to you and how do you reflect that out in
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: the world. And so I think a lot of millennials
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: are in a space of interrogating their faith and what
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: it looks like and what it means to them.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: And I think that's okay.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's important to ask questions. So that's
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: that's a great way of putting it. I have a
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: lot of questions. And I when I default, was saying,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: like my sister and her husbands and like you and keV.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: And obviously I know my sister and.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Husband husbands, you know personal life very well, so I
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: can speak to how they live.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: But you know, I feel like I feel.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Like we all receive the energy that you two put
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: out in the world as as whole and intentional. I
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: think that it's also an idea that was in grains
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: at least in me, that you know, the church and
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: religion is just like all you live for and everything
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: is centered around the ideas and the rules and the
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: nose and the guilt.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: And it's like, are we ever supposed to live our lives?
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Like, are we supposed to choose every song we listen
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: to with the thought that God is looming over us?
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Don't sing that lyric like how do you live your life?
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: And and it sort of made me revolt because I
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: was like, this is this is stifling and it doesn't
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: make sense. And more than that, I'm seeing the people
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: who live this way, who follow this who.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: Are the worst people I know. So none of this
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: math is mathing for me.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And I think how I'm consuming a lot of it
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: now from the like you know, ledge of despair that
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I'm on with the way that the world is.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: It's like, we so desperately need.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Just just like real kindness, and like I'm I don't
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: think I'm the champion for it, but like we need
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: we need some people who are really like reaching out
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: and we're trying to be hard on them.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, I think we are. Definitely the ledge
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: of despair is so accurate. Man, this world boy, it's yeah,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: it's exhausting. We just had a conversation with my youngest son.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: We do like at the end of the school year.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: It's not public, it's behind our paywall, but he was
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: talking about his experience being black at his school.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: Brought me to tears.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, my baby is seventeen, and I feel like
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: he feels like he's wearing the weight of the world
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: on his shoulders. That when he goes into rooms and
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: he recognizes quickly in an assessment. I'm the only black
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: kid in here. I need to show up as what
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: it means to be black in America, as the black
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: little boy in America. That's a huge weight for a
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: seventeen year old to wear. He's not needing that, But
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: in these days and times, even my seventeen year old
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: is feeling that, you know, waking up every day and
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I'm worried about my kid's future. How are they going
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: to pay for this? How are they going to pay
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: for that? Are they going to be able to move out?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Can they afford to move out?
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Can love child? We all just need a big hug.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: It feels it feels like scary to do that because
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: at least for me, I feel very vulnerable being loving.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: I feel almost kind of weak in a way, like
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: I yeah, I kind of I feel I definitely feel vulnerable.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: But I also I feel like I have a lot
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: of thoughts on forgiveness, Like it's it's tough for me.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: It's really tough, like because I can't I'm really struggling
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: reaching forgiveness without accountability, you know.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: So it's like for me, like let's just let's just talk.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: In the macro sense, like forget individuals, because that's that's
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: layered with stories and all types of things that we
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: really can't speak to each particular case.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Let's just speak macro, like, it.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Is hard for me to forgive people who are supporting
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: things that are happening right now, Like ends the idea
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: of continuing to love someone that truly hates you, that
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: truly doesn't believe you are a full person, that doesn't
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: believe you deserve the same rights as them simply because
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: they were born looking differently than you. It's hard for
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: my brain to get there, and I lead so much
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: with my mind that it's really hard for my heart
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: to be like, despite all that, I.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Love your brother because I don't love that person. Oh
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: we agree, We agree.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I think the personal aspect is more of what I
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: would be more willing to forgive, but on a macro level,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: not being able to understand my humanity, Yeah, I don't
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: understand yours either.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Then I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: That's God's business and he don't have to deal with
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: that because my human nature and I think sometimes we
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: can get that confused too, where we think people are
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: deserving of our grace and our forgiveness of people who
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: wouldn't return that to us. Yeah, and it blows my mind.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And I think sometimes that's part of Christianity, you know,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: like and I just I feel like, oh that that
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: feel that doesn't jive with me, that doesn't feel like
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: fully integrated, Like that's not integrity to me to reject
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: this and inside it doesn't feel right. So I'm learning
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: to honor that don't feel good, right, So I'm not
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: finna And I don't even know forgiveness is the right
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: word because I don't know that they're asking if they
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: think that what they're doing is wrong. Again, on this
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: macro level, that what they're doing is wrong, they're not
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: asking us for our forgiveness. If they had it our way,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: their way, we would probably be shot somewhere. Like these
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: people aren't interested in who we are as people.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: So no, yo, no, I mean, I'm with you.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: And I do think it does circle back to you
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: know who, like how do we show up loving in
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: the world, Like how do we.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: How do we things with out love?
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: And I've talked about this recently on the show that
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: you know there's just there's some of our great leaders
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: have talked about hope and love and peace, and meeting
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: hate with love and like the only thing that will
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: draw on out hate is love and it's you know,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: light lines the darkness and it's in it.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: It does prove to be true, like over time, it does.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Prove to appeal to the humanity in another person, and
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: sometimes it does take that conversation right.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: But you have to be open, and I think that's
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: the part.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I think you have to be in a space where
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I am open and you were open to have this
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: conversation and like somewhere we're going to bridge this gap
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: and then like change behavior will come. But I'm sometimes
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: we're having these conversations so we're blue in the face
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: with someone that's completely closed off, come on, violent language
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: and not interested in the idea of change.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: And that I'm I.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Again, this is where I say, desk God's business because
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not here to convince you of my humanity. Yeah,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you got to be open to that to begin with.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: And if you're not, I'm not going to be in
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: a room and I'm trying to I'm go live your life.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Please go away from me with this apollo because I'm uninterested, Like.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: At some point I have to know what's worth my time.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: And what's not And if you're completely closed off, you
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: don't see me as a human like these these like
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: big huge political you know things. This is a waste
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: of time and I'm not I'm not. I'm not gonna
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: waste my time on that. I think when you are
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: with people, individual people, and you recognize, you know, there
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: may be someone that has a question and they're just
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: and they're genuinely curious, they're genuinely trying to understand, I
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: will stop to have that conversation with people. We do
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: have to have rapport, a relationship, that kind of thing,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: but I'm not depends on the circumstance. But if I
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: have a personal relationship with you, I'm not always the
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: person that's quick to grow.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: You can google it, because Google doesn't always provide nuance.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: And so I will be willing to have a conversation
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: with someone that I feel is genuine in their question.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I don't mind that. But I'm also if you don't grown,
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: got your business.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: What's what's life like for you right now? Because you are.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Reached not quite empty nesters, but you have grown children.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Now that's a new chapter in itself. What's it like
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: adjusting to them being young men.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I'm one of those parents that goes back and forth
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: between really really really missing my children when they were
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: really young and like the cute little things they would say,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: but I'm also really grateful to see my kids grow up.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like it makes.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Me almost emotional thinking about who they are in comparison
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: to who I was at their same age.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: Like I was talking about before, When we.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Go to vote and my son has ideas and thoughts
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: between what he wants to vote for and what he doesn't,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I'm just I'm so impressed because I'm like, I don't
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: know that I had the fortitude of thought to think
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: differently than my parents.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: I didn't.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And so the fact that I'm they're able to articulate
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: and like come up with these ideas and ask these
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: questions that are like, oh, you're really thinking about this,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Like I'm really really.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Grateful for that.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: That kind of passion can absolutely be poured into something
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: that does move balances.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, and we need young people to do that. Absolutely,
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: we have to have young people. We gotta get these
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: oh people out of here.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, Joe, that's the kind of thing I
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: literally I told both my boys, I'm so it's such
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: a privilege to watch these little people that you've helped
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: develop and and hopefully give them a moral compass and
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: find out the things that are important to them and
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: they're quirks and things that they're interested in, their passion,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: these little things, and you have the opportunity to encourage that.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: It's so gratifying.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: My oldest son is he's very creative, and so he
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: has this these group of friends from high school. They
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: started their own little like YouTube channel. They just got monetized.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: He's so excited about it. He's producing. He and he
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: does a good job because he sees what me and
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: my husband do. And so when they come over, he
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: makes sure to feed them. He acts like he got money, child,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: but he pays them. He makes sure he pays them
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: one And I'm just like, I'm so proud. And he
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: takes pride in it too, like he thinks he's running
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: a company. Okay, I mean, and he is, you know,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: he really is. But I'm like, I'm so proud that,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: like you guys are, you're forging your own path and
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: what that means and what that looks like to you
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: and doing the things. It's it's truly this is truly
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: one of my favorite phases of parent Oh I love that.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's seeing them reach adulthood. As someone who
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: has absolutely no children but lots and nephews, it's always
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: exciting to see the like the past they choose and
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: what they're like personalities become and I like, I just
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: recently said this to my oldest niece, who has a
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: daughter and a husband in a home and career, and
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: she said something I don't remember what it was, but
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: it was like and it's silly because she's a grown woman,
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: but it was like the one of the first times
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: I really looked at her and was like, you're grown.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: You're you're a grown woman. And I said it to
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: her and she.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Was like, well thanks, like like, yes, yeah, I am.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I have a five year old child and a husband
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: and a mortgage.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Like I've been I've been a grown woman for a while.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: But like, it is something about it.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: It's really special to see them. It really is in.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Those moments where you recognize, like, wait a minute, I'm
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: talking to a young adult, Like yes, it's crazy to me.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Even down to dating my son was dating this girl,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: child's super cute girl when I tell you.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: I said, that's it. She's gonna be my daughter in law.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: I like her. I like her a lot like you guys.
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: She had a passport, she.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Said, met Smela said, me and my mom and my
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: aunt took a girl's trip to Paris.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: Y'all did what what else? You went to?
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Where else?
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: She went to? Girl?
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: She was the cutest little thing. She was well traveled.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: She was in college.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: She was doing like graphic design.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Work or something.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: You Oh my god.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I love you. She
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: would send like these little care packages to the house
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: for him. I said, no, no, no, I like her.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: I like her a lot. I like her. I like
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: her a lot. Yeah, he broke up with her. I
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: was so mad. I was hurt.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Me.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: I was hurt.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: And so I was like, what happened And the fact
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: that he is able to articulate this is what I like,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: this is what I didn't like. This is what she
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: would do that I didn't like or I couldn't do.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: She would request this to me and that didn't really work.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Notreious man.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: And it's so he went from you know, my husband,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I've been together since we were in eleventh grade, right,
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: So he went into dating, like, you know, I really
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: want to have, you know, the first girl I date,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Like that's going it's not gonna be puppy led, like
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: we're gonna be together forever.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Boy. Hush, please please please huh.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I mean yes, you guys are uh an exception and
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: that's what you're you try to impress upon your child,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: like don't don't go for what me and daddy, dude,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: go go live your life a little bit.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: But it's not that it can't be. But you know,
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: it's the same with my sister.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: My sister married the first man that she dated and
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: they've been together for decades. I mean, I think I
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: don't want to I don't want to short them, but
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: close of forty years gotta be thirty five years.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: It's got to be called yes.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait hold on, hold
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: on hold, hold hold hold hold.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: Are you what is your how well? How many brothers
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: and sisters do you have? What is y'all age?
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Girl?
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: I got a gang ganger brothers.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: I got six brothers and sisters, and I have fourteen
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: nieces and nephews and fifteen's on the way and there
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: will be many more.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: There will be lots more. They love making children. Are
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: you the baby? No, I'm in the middle.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: So I have two older sisters, an older brother, and
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: two younger sisters and a younger brother.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: So seven of y'all totro. Yes. But my oldest sister
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: is fourteen years older than me.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: God, so that was kind of like litters got it
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: and different you know, parents and all that. We're good,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: We're good American family. But yeah, she's she She had
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: her first kiss on the altar, and I do think like.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, y'all grew up like Turkey, like, eh, that's it.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, I did not follow the same path, but but
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: but she did. She she set the bar at impossible
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: and I love her for that. Yeah, I mean it's
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: you want them to not put too many expectations into
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: things and live their lives. When it comes to marriage,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: you guys get asked about marriage all this time, And
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: I think one thing about what I admire about your
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: marriage is you are very.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: Open about it.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: You guys are very playful publicly, and I'm sure that
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: you know you guys are private in your you know,
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: in your dealings. But you get asked for advice to
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: give advice all the time. What is what does this
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: chapter of marriage look like for you?
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Because like similarly, a lot of things can shift.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Now you know, you you have not that you're not
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: going to be parenting anymore, that they're like gone, but
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: they're adults now, so the conversations are different.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Maybe they're not coming home at the time that they
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: said they were coming home. You know, there's different things
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: going on, and soon they will be they will be out.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: So what does what does this chapter look like for you?
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like this chapter looks like us reacquainting ourselves
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: with working together more. I think for we work together.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: But I also I also was still very involved in
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: our youngest son, Like he's still doing three thousand things
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm just playing chauffeur to be honest.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: And now that he finally got his life, he didn't
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: have his license.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: So after he graduated, okay, and so I'm still picking
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: him up, dropping him off, taking him here, taking him
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: where they're going to doing all of the things. And
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: so now both my boys have cars, their licenses, and
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: so even this even this morning, we're working on this
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: project together and my husband's like, I think you should
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: write it, and.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: I'm like, boy, I never wrote none in my life.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: I don't really know if I want to do that.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I think y'all should do that and please leave me alone.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And he's like no, and I think we should like
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: write it together. And I'm like, I don't even know
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: what that means because I'm normally I can pop in,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: I can pop out, you know, I can do my
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: own thing.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: I can be with the boys and I can do this.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: And now it's like the boys are kind of not done,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: but you know the bulk of that responsibility is kind
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: of gone now, and so I'm like feeling I just
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: actually text my friend this.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: I was like, I.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Feel a little unanchored because I don't know what is next.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like the romantic part of our relationship
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: is solid, but I always think you should be or
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: not always for us, there's an aspect of business in
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: our relationship that, yeah, we're partners, and so we need
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: to what that looks like, I think is going to
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: be us working a little bit more closely together so
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like a bump on a log. And
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know how to do that, and
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: so that is making me like really like, like I said,
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: I never do this alone. Kevi is normally he's the face,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: he's the mouthpiece. He does the things I'm able to
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: just kind of like chill and pop in and out.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: And you when you tell or whoever DM like, do
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: you want to be on the podcast? I don't think
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: y'all mean to send this to me, so I'm gonna
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: ignore that. Oh it came back again. Oh so that
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: means you did mean to send it to me. Okay,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: tells me want you. Yeah, but because it never happens. Literally,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I do that all of the time. That that's I'm
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: being funny, but oh so it would be the truth.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: Another opportunity came through. I said, oh, I think you
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: met mister Kevin on stage. I'm gonna ignore that. And
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: then they come back and I'd be like, you really
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: did me and me Okay, well, now let me think
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: about it before I respond, because I don't I don't
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: know how to, I don't what do I do with this?
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: I don't know?
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: And so for me, it's it's anchoring myself in. Oh
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: it is you. You do need to do the things
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: you do need it. You don't have an excuse anymore.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: You need to put out more content, You need to
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: be doing this like you don't have like, oh, I'm
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: just being a mom no girl, like it's about you now.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: And so that has me feeling like an easy, unanchored,
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: ungrounded like I'm just I'm still trying to like find
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: my foot and still new. Joe just graduated in June.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: It's still very very new. But it is a little
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: like unsettling and scary. I think when you said vulnerable,
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I think maybe that's the phase that I'm in.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh, I don't really know.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know this, Melissa, I don't I don't know,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's next.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: So that's a little scary.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Have in times in your past when you've felt this way,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: or have you felt this way before?
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I would say yes and no. I would say probably
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: the most comparable time is when I left my job.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: So if you understand me as a person right, I'll
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: give context so it makes a little bit more sense.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I am an oldest sister. I'm not a type A personality,
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: but I do like back and forth. I could be
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: like Aby like a B plus a minus like I
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: live right in that like kind of personality zone.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: But I'm a real follower. I love a gold Star.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I am a checklist very good job.
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Kevin and I got married after going into our senior
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: year of college. So I got married. I started working
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: in a management training program with somebody's manager at like
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: twenty three.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I don't know why they let me do that, what
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: they did.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Bought a house by the time I was twenty three,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: had Isaiah, had I Joe by twenty five, and I
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: went from like assistant manager to like on my way
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: to being I can't even think of the name of it,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: but anyway, it was like over the district, like very
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: this is my life. You know, check Mark graduated college,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: check Mark husband, check Mark children after marriage, very important
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: part of the step, of course, check Mark bought a house,
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: check Mark, you know, we started making good money, put
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: my kids in private school, bing bang boom. We're living
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: the American dream. Put apple pie out on the window.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: Still like I'm doing the things very much who I am.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Then we move out to LA and I'm still like,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be the safety net. I'm going to
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: be the responsible one. Kev's chasing these dreams, but me,
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get a job. I get the job,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I do the safe thing all of these things. keV
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: goes on tour and he's like, I want you to
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: question you your job. Why would I do that? I don't,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I don't. I don't even understand what you're asking me
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: to do. I've always been the safety net. I'm always
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: you go off. I mean, at the time, this, you know,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: is a process, but in real time, I'm thinking you're
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: the irresponsible one with these dreams that don't pay no bills.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: But the only reason why it's okay is because I'm
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: here right. You know, I'm going to make sure we
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: have insurance and the kids can get their checkups because
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: they're babies and they need their immunizations.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: I'm going to make sure the mortgage is paid.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: I'm going to make like but that's always been my
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: role and I'm okay with that because it's very much
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: in line with my personality. So now you're asking me
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: to quit the job that guarantees us a paycheck every
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: two weeks to go do what you're.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: Doing, Well, we're gonna be homeless. That don't seem smart.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: And then I did it, and so it was very
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know this world, it's very unstructured. Entrepreneurship is
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: very unstructured, and I don't live my personality. I thrive
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: at every job I've ever had in corporate America because
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: I know my expectations. I know this is my job description,
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: these are the things that I have to do today.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I love a checklist. I've already told you this, so
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I know at the end of the day, I can
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: say I did a good job. This doesn't work in
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: this world, and so to a certain extent, I'm still
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: finding my footing in that because I'm like, I don't
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: understand this world. You just make it up. Well, that
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: feels wrong because where are the rules? Who decide I
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: did a good job? So it's lawless, and I don't
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: like that. I don't feel like I thrive in that
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: because it feels like i'm the person. And literally, when
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I was in therapy, she was like, well, someone else
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: just make it made up the rules, you're just following them.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Make up your own rules and follow the rules. That
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: feels wrong and someone else. Yet I'm like, well, if.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I make up my own rules, then that feels like cheating,
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: because then how do I know I'm just deciding. Well,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense to me, Like it just doesn't
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: compute in my brain, it just doesn't work. And so
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: I've been doing this now for a few years. I
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: get it a little bit, but it's still a little
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: bit off. And now, at least what the kids are structured.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I know I have to get up at this time.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: I know I have to drop them off. I know
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: at this time I have to pick them up. I
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: know on Tuesdays he has this. Okay, I can thrive
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: in that because there's rules, there's things I have to do.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: I know I did a good job because my kid
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: got school on time. Check very good gold start, good job. Okay,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: So now when school starts again in the fall, what
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. I don't have to take my kid
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: to school. So what do Mondays look like? I don't
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: know on Tuesdays he doesn't have soccer practice. What I'm
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: gonna do?
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, you get to make it up. Well that sounds dumb.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: It's scary because I don't know. And so this feels
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that, I absolutely get that. I mean,
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: I'm in no way comparison obviously to children. But I
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: was at Network for almost ten years, and before I
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: was at Network, I was working five days a week
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: on a morning drive radio show, which was four hours
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: every day from six to ten.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: I had somewhere to be.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: And now I work from home most of the time.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: I travel periodically to shoot things, and I have the
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: podcast which shoots here, but it's not every day. So
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: my life went from being extremely structured, extremely had to
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: be there at a certain time.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: To yeah, like kind of the same.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's still things to do, but yeah, Like it's
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: when you're an entrepreneur, particularly in the space that we're in,
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: which is the content space. It is it's the wild
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: wow West. Yes, like you can make one thing and
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: then that's the thing.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: And that's it.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Or the scarier part is you could do nothing
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: right and I'm like I feel like I'm doing nothing.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: But then it's like, okay, we'll do something. What what what?
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: And why? What? And why?
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: And that that becomes another thing. So I just got
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: recommended a book by a very good friend. So I
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: haven't started it yet, Okay, but I'm.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: Going to read it and i'll pass it to you.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Which is and now I'm going to butcher the name
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: of it. What is your why? I think it's what
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: is your why? What is the why? What is the why?
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, because I'm struggling a lot with the same thing
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: for for for different reasons. I know what to do,
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: but why am I doing it? Because because it's obviously
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: about money. Okay, we all know, we all know money,
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: Like that's who would work if there wasn't money. So
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: when you know that you can make money, or you
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: know that money isn't necessarily you or burden.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: At this particular juncture to carry.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: When you can choose anything, and you're somebody who really
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: likes structure, and I don't necessarily like structure and rules,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: but I do like accomplishments.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: I do like goals. I do like saying I'm gonna
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: do this and then making it happen. So from a
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: similar space, I can relate because when you accomplish something
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: that you set out to do, like you set out
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: to raise.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: A family, and now you're not done, You're never gonna
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: be done.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: You're a mother, You're always gonna have children to take
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: care of in some way or another. They're going to
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: find a way to have something for sure to do.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: And you have a husband, you have extended family, Like
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: you have a family. You set out to do that
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: and now you're at a juncture in your life where
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: it's what's the next why? And finding that why can
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: be an adventure, but it can also feel like a
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: lot of anxiety because maybe you haven't found it yet. Yeah,
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: And in a lot of ways, I kind of feel
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: young again, not that I'm old, but like I feel
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: like the beginning of my youth where I was sort
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: of searching for. I know I'm passionate about this. I
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: know I'm passionate about that, But what is my purpose? Like,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: what is the thing that I am absolutely inspired to accomplish?
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah? And I did that? Yeah, so now I have
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: to find the next thing.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: And knowing how hard it is to raise two black
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: boys in this world, to have a family, to keep
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: it together, to be the rock, to be the one
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: that make sure that the bills are paid, support your
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: husband's dreams, to be a part of the public face
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: of a very successful company, which does come with expectations
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: of the two of you, and pressure.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a lot. It's completely understandable why you don't
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: feel anchored.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: And I think the scariest part, I think is I
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: when I say I was thriving at my previous places
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: that I worked I don't know that I ever asked
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: myself if I was.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: Passionate about it.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever asked myself I actually
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: enjoyed it as much as I understood I needed a
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: job and I needed to keep this job. So I'm
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: going to excel at it because I need this paycheck
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: every two weeks. I never stopped to ask myself, was
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I passionate about it?
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: Is this my full meaning in life?
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: I didn't have time because I had bills do and
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: so even asking myself that question in this season feels
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: overwhelming because I don't know, and so interrogating myself, exploring
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: myself is also very new, because again I'm I'm just
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: do what you're told. You know, you're not asking questions.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: And again that's why I'm so proud of my kids.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: They asked these questions. I didn't have capacity to ask
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: because I was too busy following the rules. And so
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: now when any and everything's on the table, I'm like, oh.
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: My god, it's almost too much. Just tell me.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: And so that I think that's why I feel like
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I'm floating, like I don't just you know, in a
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: Spike Lee movie where everyone's just kind of movie. Like
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: that's how I feel right now. Yeah, I feel like
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: I've just worked this out. This is like real feelings
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: that I'm like kind of working out in this moment. Yeah,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: And that's it's very it's overwhelmed. It can be exciting,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: but I don't know that I've gotten to the point
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: that it's exciting. I think I'm still on like this
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: is scary. This is a very scary thing, and so
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what's next.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: And it's so easy.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: Sometimes. My husband is very.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: He's a very creative person, and I think creative people
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: don't always thrive or like crave structure.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: I think they like the ability to just free flow.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: And this feels good today and that's what I'm gonna
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: do and I'm gonna move on and this feels great
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: tomorrow and it doesn't matter didn't look like yesterday, because this
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: is what I'm doing today, and so I'm gonna do that.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: And he's very like, you know, we should do we
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: should write a movie today.
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, We're gonna do what? And that is just
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: like not who I am.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that you know, we just have very different personalities,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: just very, very different personalities, and so these things make
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: him super excited, and I'm just like, literally, he's like,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I think you should write this movie. I've never written
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: a movie in my life. I've never considered writing a movie.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: And I mean that literally.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: And so this weekend I spent the whole weekend I
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: watched like five movies. I've learned about Dan what's that
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: man's name, Dan Harmon's Circle, I don't know. I learned
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: about Save the Cat, I don't know. And I'm just like,
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: why am I doing this? Because your husband thinks it's
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: a good idea, That's why you're doing this?
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: Well, you have.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: It's a blessing in a lot of ways, which will
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: which will play out over time, that you're in a
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: space where you can choose. Yeah, I totally relate to
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: the fear of it, but it is something that a
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: lot of people crave, and like anything in life, you
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: don't know what it feels like until you experience it.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: So having the ability to choose really whatever path you
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: want can feel overwhelming, because the difference is when you're
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: younger and you're like, I can choose any path I want. Yeah,
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: but there are real consequences you're choosing the wrong path.
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: You can set yourself back a couple decades if you
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: choose the wrong path.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: So when you're in the space that you're in now,
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: you really truly can decide do I want to write
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: a movie or is that Kev's journey and I'll support
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: where I can and where I feel like it. Or
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: do I want to start a business, or do I
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: want to start another show, or do I want to write.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: A book instead?
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Like all of these things are available to you, I
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: think you just be gentle with yourself.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: And not only gentle for sure.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: And I've tried to learn to be curious about myself because,
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: like I said, I've always been told and I've never
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: questioned myself.
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: Do you feel like you.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: Have poured so much of yourself into everyone else that
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: this pure you're a chapter to porn to yourself in
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: this whole movie thing.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: My husband told me the other day, he said, I
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: think you're entering your second act.
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: And in movies this I just learned this this weekend.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: And movies like the first twenty minutes or so is
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: establishing whoever your main character is in their current environment
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: where they're very comfortable. This is my life as a mother,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: my life playing in the backseat, you know, miss Kevin Stage,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: meaning he's Kevin Stage. Please ask him and direct all
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: the questions at him. And when you enter your second act,
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: it's normally where they're leaving quite literally leaving that comfort
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: area into what is actually the point of the movie,
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: so to speak. And he's like, Oh, I feel like
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: you're entering your second act. It's normally where the fun
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: and games happens, where they're asking these you know, exploratory questions,
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: all of these things, or a fish out of water,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: whatever the premise of the movie is.
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: And I feel like I'm that right now.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: I'm a fish out of water trying to like understand
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: who I am. The other thing I was going to
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: say is my husband and I when we did our
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: podcast years ago, we always talked about the kite and
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: the string analogy, and that's the dynamic we used to
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: explain our relationship. So he's the kite, meaning he's the dreamer.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: He's off in the cloud somewhere. And I always say,
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: one of the dangers of being a kite sometimes you
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: can fly too close to the sun.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: I'm the string.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: I'm the one that's more grounded, more level headed, and
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm trying to make sure everything is safe.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: The problem with the string is they don't fly without
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: the kite. They're just on the ground. And so I'm
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: always really grateful that my husband has allowed me to
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: start to fly. I think without him, I would be
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: plain it safe. I would still be at the bank,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: I would still be at Boeing, I would still be
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: very much this is my path and this is what
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: it looks like. And look at me, and now I've
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: you know, I bought the house, I did this, I
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: did this, and now I'm supposed to climb corporate America
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: and I'm okay with that. The fact that I'm even
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: in a space where I get to be curious about
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: what I want at forty three is really a blessing,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: really a privilege, because it's something I never considered asking
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: because it didn't matter. It was survival. Who cares if
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: you like? This job is a job, right, so do it.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: And so the fact that it's like, oh, you actually
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: get to decide, what do you mean? I get to
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: decide there's agency here. Oh I didn't even know I
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: could have those options, you know, And so it's overwhelming
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: but I am really grateful that I'm in a space
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: where I get to choose.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: Do you think just looking at relationships and listening to
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: you talk about the relationship that you two have, what
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: you've built together, there's a lot of really negative, ridiculous
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: rhetoric on the internet because it's not in real life
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: about relationships, about what a man should have when you
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: start with him, what you know, what roles people are
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: supposed to be. And I've been married, and I've been engaged,
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: and I've been in long term relationships, and I've had
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: people that I truly considered partners and people that I
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: just stated and to me, when people ask me about marriage,
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: I always say, it is a partnership. A healthy, strong
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: relationship is a partnership. And partnerships require a lot of things,
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: and they are not one simple thing. They're not just sex,
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: they're not just romance. They're not just money, they're not
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: just family, they're not just health. Like there's so many
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: layers to being truly a partner with someone that the
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: conversation online just distills into nonsense, like it's just yes,
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: you're going.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: To cheesecake factory, Like what are we talking about?
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: Like, yes, you're doing your husband's laundry sometimes and then
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: he takes the garbagechild Like, there's just things that you have, chores,
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: your adults, things that we've done around the house. Yeah,
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: that's how do you find that it's what you guys
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: have built feels somewhat unattainable to young people based off
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: of what they constantly see online.
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: I actually think what's online is what's unattainable.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: I think because the projections online that it has to
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: look like I'm not going to cheesecape Factory, You're only
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: going to spin X and I'm not talking about like standards,
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: and I think sometimes that's what I think the Internet.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: I haven't been dating in a long time, so let
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: me just put that disclaimer o as well. But I
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: think I am grateful, let me say that. Let me
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: talk about me. I am grateful that I got married
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: in a time before and started dating Kevin before really
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: the Internet, and my relationship was public because some of
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: the things that make our relationship work, I don't think
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: the Internet would appreciate.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: I think they would have critique and criticism for it.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the problem is sometimes we give
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: too much voice to what the internet has to say
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: on our relationship that it changes is what you think
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: is realistic, and the reality is yeah, sometimes he has
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: to wash my clothes, sometimes I have to wash it.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: Sometimes the house is a mess, and sometimes it's very clean.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm the one fixing, and sometimes it's him. Like
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: it just kind of depends, because that's just the ebb
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: and flow of life, and I think if we accept
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: those things, you're more able to navigate a successful relationship.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: I actually think what people need to know to be
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: honest about relationships beyond like don't.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: Take me to cheesecake factory, is.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: How to lead with your softer emotions. That's the advice
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: I give to people. Anger is easy, Pissing me off
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: is quite easy. Saying you hurt my feelings is hard,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: and I think that's what we need more of. Examples
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: of in conversations around in relationships is not saying like
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: I said, you cuss me or I'm gonna cuss you
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: out and you piss me off.
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: It's let me tell you that this hurt my.
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: Feelings so we can have a conversation about that.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: That's hard.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: That's vulnerability, that's transparency, that's actual communication.
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: That's difficult.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: You tried that in a relationship, that's hard telling somebody
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: who's gonna child who?
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: That's not going to sustain the relationship. No way.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm not breaking up with somebody probably because they
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: didn't do the laundry. I'm breaking up with them because
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: they know how to communicate. I'm breaking up with them
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: because they have emotional intelligence, right, Like, those are the
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: things that really matter. And I think if we learn
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: and teach people those things. Again, that's why my son
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: when he's dating, he's able to say no, no, no,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: I actually realize, like I'm a physical touch. I like
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: physical touch, or I like words of affirmation. And I
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: just realized that really wasn't heard like forte, and I
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: know that's important to me. That's what's important, recognizing, Oh,
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: these are the personality traits that work well with me,
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: these are the ones that don't. This is how I
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: respond to this and this when people say, you know,
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: I think I'm the I think it's really important for
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: us to communicate. Meanwhile, you're the person that actually shuts down.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: That's what you need to know. These are the things
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: you need to know about yourself. What does communication look
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: like to you? And oftentimes it just looks like fussin
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: and yellen, Well that's not healthy.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: Well, vulnerability. It brings me back to like the thing
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: we started talking about. I really struggle with vulnerability. I
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: am not a vulnerable person. It's scary.
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: It's very scary for me.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: It has not been rewarded throughout my life in multiple facets.
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: It's like being vulnerable.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: You could probably get me a bungee jump more firstly,
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: and I have no interest in them and jumping off
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: of anyone's building or anything for that matter.
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: It's really scary.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and for me it's a bit of a handicap
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: because I know what you're saying is true. The real
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: connection that you form with people is through vulnerability. So
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: you have to take the risk in order to establish
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: that trust and in order to know that you're safe
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: to be vulnerable.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: But yeah, that's hard.
• 54:04
  Speaker 4: No.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: One of the things I actually said when Kevin I
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: renewed our vowels at twenty years is that when I
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: said yes, will you marry me? When I said yes
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: to him twenty years ago, it was a risk that
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: I didn't know would pay off. When I said I
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: do to him again, Yes I do to you again.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: Twenty years later, I've now proven that risk to be
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: worth it, and so I'm saying yes to you knowing
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: you're worth it. Those are different yeses. When you first
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: say yes to somebody, you are hoping, I'm hopeful, and
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: I am hoping that you will do right by me,
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: that you will honor my vulnerability, that you won't throw
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: it back in my face, that you will take care
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: of me, that you will treat me as someone's sacred,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: someone that you will hold near and dear to your heart.
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you are, but I'm risking that
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: when I renewed my vows, you've proven to me that
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: you are. And so I say yes because I'm grateful
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: and I'm thankful that you've You've proven to me that
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: that yes the first time was the right yes. Those
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: are different yeses and taking that first risk. This is
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: the part of like the fairy tale people don't want
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: to hear. When how did you feel when you first
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: Yet I didn't know. That's my reality. I was hopeful,
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: but it was a risk. That's not a fairy tale answer,
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: but it's the truth. I know today, twenty years later,
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: that it was the right answer, and I'm grateful for that,
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: But I didn't know then. You know, people get married,
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: you'd be together. You'd be like, look, he cheated on me.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: He did this, he did that, he did that. Well,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: if you knew that before, you wouldn't have said yes, well,
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: I didn't think he would exactly.
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: It was a risk, right, It was a risk. That
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: is what it is. That is what it is. Risk.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: That's vulnerability is exposing yourself to be harmed. That's why
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: it's scary, because once I give you all of me,
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: you are the example or the image that's coming to
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: in my mind is I have a dog. His name
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: is Mantes's accusel thing.
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: My doctor are really really comfortable with you.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: They turn on their back upward with their whole chest
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: and everything exposed, and their arms and their legs up
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: in the air, and it's actually an extreme sign of
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: trust because they're saying, you could stab me in my
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: heart and my lungs and whatever.
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: I am fully vulnerable to.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: Any attack you give me in this position, but I
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: trust you're not gonna do You're not gonna take it.
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: That's what love is.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: It is turning on your back to someone and saying,
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: here is my heart, and you have a direct shot
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: to it, and it's up to you to pick up
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: the gun and shoot it or say absolutely not, I'm
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: here to protect it. That's why it's scary, because I
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: don't know. And once someone has picked up the gun
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: and said, oh no, no, no baby, you already told
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: me what your reak spots were, and you told me
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: where the gun is, and you told me the combination.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: So everything you entrusted with me, I'm gonna use against
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: you as AMMO against you.
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: You think I'm gonna do it again. Yeah, that's a
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: that's a perfect analogy.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: It's it's really terrifying to you know, let somebody rub
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: your belly again, yes, like legit. Yeah, and the scars
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: are there too, so for someone else will see that
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: some that another person has used and the next time
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: you might Actually, I'm gonna bring a knife next time,
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: so not only will I not be exposed, I might
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: shoot you first.
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: I might cut you first. Because this is feeling a
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: little dangerous, it's feeling a little it's feeling a little
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: PTSD ish.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we are vulnerable people like I don't think
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: a lot of the times when we talk about the
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: trauma that we inflict on each other as humans just
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: how I mean, we know it can be passed through generations.
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: We know how hard it is to break generational curses
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: and to heal yourself from things that maybe you didn't
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: even have a say, and it happening to you because
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: it happened to you when you were a child, or
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: it happens to your mother before you were born, or
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: any of these things that get passed down.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: The idea that people are just supposed.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: To blindly continue to put themselves into into vulnerable and
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: dangerous situations without any guard up, without any it's just
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: not a it's not a it's not realistic, and it's
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: it's I think when you're dating as you get older,
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: a lot of people and it's not just dating. Actually,
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: I don't like to just still think just to dating.
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: It's making new friends when you're older, it's entering into
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: new spaces, it's entering a new job.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: Making friends is actually one of the hardest things for
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: me to do in LA.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: It's very understanding. I had a very hard time.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: I moved here when I was twenty nine, had a
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: very hard time making friends in LA for a long time,
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: and some of the friends I made in LA were
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: some of the worst people I've ever met my entire life.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: So yeah, it's very It's it's not really Los Angeles
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: and so much as it is Hollywood, because I do
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: like to separate the two because the people of Los
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: Angeles who were born and raised here and live their
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: lives very normal people. But there's a business, and it's
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: hard to find people within the businesside business.
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: And I've sort of put put it too.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: I'm okay with transactional relationships as long as there's there's
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: both ways, and I'm okay with everyone not.
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: Having to be my very best friend. Yeah.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you don't have to agree.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: I actually think I do, and maybe something I need
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: to hear because I think coming from we moved here
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: from Washington State and having friends that I've known, this
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: is my problem. I'm going to say it this way
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: instead of doing a history lesson here Melissa, y'all got
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: to know her. To think about Micha is that I
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: often feel in Hollywood. I love this distinction you're making
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: or in the business people are interested in Miss Kevin Stage,
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: You're not interested in Melissa.
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's tough.
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: And I feel like when I am trying to engage
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: someone with genuine friendship and I feel like it's moving
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: transactional or you just want to miss or even worse
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: than what just want to miss Kevin stage, it is
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: Kevin state to actually get through to Kevil on stage.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you want to talk about that's my wall.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: It's hurtful. Honestly it is because I would prefer and
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: this do. That doesn't just happen with with women. I
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: mean it happens with really everyone. Yeah, for sure, I
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: would prefer you just get to the point same. I
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: would prefer you be like joy, I would like to
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: date you.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: I would not like to date you. Okay, well then
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: I don't need to talk to you.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: Thank you, mavla, like you don't have to play the
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: whole like whoa, I have a project that I think
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: you'd be really go far, like yeah, super super fucking weird.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And then with women, it's like yeah, girl, like
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: just be like hey, like I would really like to
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: work with you on something.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: I would prefer that. I prefer that just be honest,
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: be just be straight to it.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: And I can either be like, yeah, I would love
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: to work with you on that, or be like hey,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: like I'm not really working in that space right now.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: I do know someone else, though, correct is really interested
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: in that. I can.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: I can connect you guys on Instagram or whatever, like
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: and best of luck, godspeed, but be honest with people,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: because I do find that hurtful as well. I've always
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: found it very irritating that it's like you, first of all,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: you think you're.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: Smarter than me. Yes, please, all right, now I have
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: to now I have to play these games.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then it's like, you don't know what their
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: long term intentions are.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: It's just a it's not a it's not a good feeling. No,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: it's not.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: And it's a game and it feels it can it
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: makes me feel very isolated and alone. And that is
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: like the toughest part of being here for me, for sure,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: the toughest part of being here for me. I'd be like,
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: Lord Jesus yead just send me a franchild, Just please, God,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: just send.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: Me a friend.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: Because of that reason, it is very and if I
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: feel I'm very sensitive to it, like literally you're talking
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: about when we were talking, it's not I've been married
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: for so long that and I'm grateful for what I'm
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: about to say, Kevin is for me, that that relationship
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: is very safe for me. I'm almost crying, but I'm
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: really grateful for it. It's everything else. I'm like girl,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: but it's not safe. It ain't safe, it ain't safe.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: It's not safe, and it's safe, and you should treat
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: it as its safe. And I and I'm I think
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: I'm too sober and too vigilant about it, Like I'm
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: so sensitive about it that if there is any inclination,
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: I will shut down. Don't don't you worry about me.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: I will never text you again. That will be the end.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's I really feel for you, I because
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: I've been through the same thing, and it is it's
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: very unnerving.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: It feels very lonely.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: And when people think of loneliness, they automatically associate that
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: with interpersonal relationships and when it's like romantic relationships, and
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: there's so many different ways to be to feel lonely.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: You can feel lonely from not having family, you can
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: feel lonely from not having friends, you can feel lonely from.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: Not having purpose.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: And in the business, it's it is real loneliness because
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: it's transaction. Like I said, I don't mind a transactional
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: relationship because we need to make transaction transactions in business.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: But when it's disingenuous or when it's not actually transactional,
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: you just want something from me and you don't plan
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: on ever pouring anything into me or holding up your
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: end of the bargain if I do something for you,
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: because like I'm happy to do a favor, but like
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: I do need a favor, Like that's how favors work.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: You owe me one. It feels like, you know, there's
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: not real soul.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah it it Yeah, yeah, Well I hope for
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: you that that doesn't continue, because it is really like
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: having strong friendships, especially in this city, is really important.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: It is because I also think it helps. I've been
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: watching because you know, I'm fake rund a movie right now.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: So watch what is this genre of movie he wants
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: you to write? It is a It's a comedy for sure.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: It's kind of rom comedy we need. Yeah, it's kind
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: of rom comedy issue.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: We need more rom comms. I think I'm on his
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: side on this. Yeah, we listen. I did do my
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: little outline. I have my character the thing because I'm
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: because of who I am as a person.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: If I'm going to do it.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: I dive deep and so now I need to be
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: an expert on this, which is good and bad because
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: I feel like I can only do things at a.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: Cur that's a very black woman thing.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: I picked up golf and I have I've been traveling
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: so much, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Keith. I'm going
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: to be back, Like I promise you, I'm coming back.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: I've been traveling so much. I haven't been my lessons,
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: but like I was, like, I need to take lessons.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: I need to get a brand new set of clubs.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: I need to have gear.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: I need to practice before men a little golf today.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: Tear a half of the course.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: So it is a black woman thing that you feel
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: and listen, It's why you're excellent. It's why we are excellent,
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: and it is why if you do end up doing it,
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: it will be spectacular because you do feel.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: The need to be an expert about it.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: Fully, Yeah, we need the audacity of a mediocre man.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: I literally prayed this for her all the time. Do
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: you watch Love Island? I don't, God, dam let me
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: tell you quickly, this is beautiful, one beautiful, beautiful woman. Okay,
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: white man, not very beautiful, she told he shot her
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: his shot at her. She said no, thank you, went
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: on start dating someone else. A couple of days later,
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: he said, you know what I'm gonna do, shoot my
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: shot again, and.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: Then did it. The rest of the island was like,
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 3: are you dumb? Are you a fool?
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: Because she literally unequivocally said no, Why would you go again?
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: She did not?
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she said no solidly. They twice they have they
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: have audacity. I say, God, I need that. Yeah, whatever delusion,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: audacity that is very much. Give it to me because
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: I don't. They were laughing at this man and he said,
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm gonna do, ask again, Okay, mister sir.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: I said, God, I need that. But it's true. I
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 3: told it.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: We just had, I promised, hand to God. A meeting
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: about it this morning, the good little outline. I was
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: so proud of it, and they were like, yeah, listen,
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: but I feel like, you know, in order for us
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: to write it together, like I feel like you stepped
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: too far ahead. I feel like we all need to
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: arrive at the gym together.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: Was the analogy.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: I said, Baby, y'all been in the gym. I haven't,
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: and I will not be embarrassed. So I had to
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: come in with my research and have myself prepared because
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: y'all faking Like y'all, I ain't been in the gym,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: but you have, and then you're gonna turn to me
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: and ask me a question and I won't even understand
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: a question. Absolutely not. I'll read a book first. So
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: that's what I did. I was all up and down
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: the last two weeks. How in the world do you
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: do this? Where do you start? And so I've been
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: watching all of these movies. The whole point of this
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: is I was watching all these movies this weekend and
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: I watch waiting to exhale, mm hmm, pray to God.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: This friendship, this group. It actually inspired a scene that
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: I am fake right in this movie.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: But when Gloria had the birthday party.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember this movie anyway, it's
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: one of the most iconic scenes when they're dancing and
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: Angela Bassett says, what.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 3: Happened to the music? It's supposed to be a party? Anyway.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, man, God, I want friendship that looks
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: like this, that's supportive, that's accountable, that interrogates, that tells
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: you when you're wrong, but also is willing to stand
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: Tinta's down behind you and show up in court when
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: your man done acted A don't get correct. I was like,
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: this is so like this dynamic of these black women
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: in their thirties, Like I don't even I don't even
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: know the last time we saw a movie for like that.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: I guess you could maybe say girl strip, But even
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: their dynamic is a little bit different because they're low key,
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: like beefing underneath it all because I watched that this
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: weekend too, But you don't see that often, And I'm
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: like craving a dynamic that's so genuine and sincere and
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: it's still all of those things where I know you
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: support me, and you support me enough to correct me
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: when I'm wrong, and I know that it's coming from
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: a place of love. Number One, you don't see it
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: on screen. And number two, it's very difficult to find
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: for me. I don't want to indict.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 3: All of la show, no it is. It's definitely difficult
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 3: to find.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: It takes time, it takes intention, it takes patience, it
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: takes a little bit of vulnerability and trust, but it's
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: it's a it's to me having those kind of friendships
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: is like the same as having a partner because it
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: is a It is a part of life that is
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: very full and like that movie is a great example
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: of like sisterhood and how it gets you through times
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: when other people let you down, when life just lets
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: you down. You need a rock, like you need someone
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: who's there. So I feel you, I feel you, and
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: I know that's coming for you.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. I hope I did well
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: for your first You know what the fear always is
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: Kevin Is.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: I told you guys, he's such a yapper and he's
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: really Kevin knows a little bit about everything. There's no
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: conversation you can have with Kevir he doesn't have. He
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: knows what you're talking about, he has an opinion about it.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: He knows all of things. I don't be that person.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: I go really deep on things that I know, and
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: then things that I don't. I don't and so I'm
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: send me to questions ahead of time so I know
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: if I need to prepare some like That's who I am.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: And Kevin is like you could talk to keV about
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: golf to politics in Russia. He knows a little bit
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: about everything. And I'd be like, girl, golf, is that
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: where a birdie is? Or is that tennis? I don't know,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: like literally, and so I'm always nervous that I don't
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: live up to the expectation of what it means to
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: be a guest on a podcast.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: You were fabulous. Oh thank you.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: You were were vulnerable, you were honest, you were amazing.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: I think I feel like we all learned so much
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: about you. I'm so grateful for you coming on.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to see your fake and I've faked
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 2: my way through many things that turned out to be great,
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: and it definitely will be great. We do need rom coms, though,
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: like we need to introduce a little whimsy.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 3: I agree, girly pop, fall in love type stuff.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: So I think you'll do a great job you even
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: if you don't do the bulk of the writing.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: I think the inspiration writing is very hard.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: It is like I'm learning and I haven't even got
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: to the dialogue. But I do know, I think because
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: I do love a good rom com. Waiting text Hel's
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: always been one of my favorite movies because I'm a
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: Whitney and a Brandy fan even from a very young age,
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: and I'm now obviously write or reading a lot of
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: romantic movies romance novels that I feel like I can
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: see things, and so I write fake right from a
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: space of like emotion, like what I want the scene
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: to evoke. I have like key dialogue moments that I
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: know I want to have, but like outside of that,
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: i'd you're are on.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: Your way, like you hadn't already said a bunch of
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: terms it like I would. I'm like key dialoge, don't
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: get your it's coming through because we don't.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: Know if it's coming.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: Make sure you follow Melissa miss cap on stage and
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: follow the Gin and Juice podcast. Make sure you check
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: that out. Thank you so much for blessing us on
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: too personal, for being very vulnerable and honest, and thanks
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: for letting me be I think your first Yeah, it's
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: a hello interview. You're in great hands.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you very much. I appreciate you.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 3: Thank you,