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Why arguing with a narcissist is pointless · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about why arguing with a narcissist is
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  pointless. Can be pointless if you new
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  here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code
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  that was goofy as hell, wasn't I?
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  Like what the heck? What was what was that?
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  I just threw you. I just wanted to throw you off a
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  little bit. Just wanted to throw you off a
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  little bit, 'cause I'm loving. It's the new self love brand.
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  Y'all I'm loving. Link is in the description.
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  Yes, y'all. Yup, Yup, Yup.
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  Arguing with a narcissist is absolutely pointless.
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  Y'all they don't want to hear. Y'all.
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  It's going to sound bad. I know I need to preface this,
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  but they don't want to hear it. They know a lot.
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  A lot of them know. A lot of them know that they're
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  doing you wrong. A lot of them know that they've
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  done you wrong. A lot of them know that they're
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  going to do you wrong. A lot of them know that they are
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  in the wrong. They just don't want to hear you
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  say it. People ask me, Lee, how do I
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  argue with my narcissist person? How do I win an argument?
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  Why do you want to win an argument with a narcissist?
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  Yo, I know, I know. You feel like it's going to be
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  in power. Like you feel like you power
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  empowered. Like I just want you want to be
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  on your chest. I just want raw.
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  Like you want to go to the top of Pride Rock and Roar.
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  Like your Simba in his in his hide when in his his line is is
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  his pride. You know what I mean?
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  Just in that space. But this is what I'm letting
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  y'all know. Y'all narcissists don't care
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  about winning an argument. They just don't want to lose it,
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  you know? They just don't want to lose an
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  argument. They don't care about winning.
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  Winning is not the goal. Being right is not the goal.
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  The truth is not the goal. They just don't want to be
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  right. They just just don't want to be
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  wrong. They just want no, we're not a
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  narcissist, they robot. Rebutting winning is not the
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  goal. Y'all.
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  They just don't want to lose. They really just do not want to
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  lose. They'll argue with you till
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  you're blue in the face, till your red in the face, till your
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  black in the face. Whatever the color face you
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  have, they'll just argue with you until you just they wear you
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  down, they beat you down, they mentally exhaust you.
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  They don't care about winning the argument.
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  They just don't want you to have the they didn't want you to feel
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  good about you, to feel good about winning.
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  They didn't want to lose. They don't want to take an L
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  They don't want to take accountability.
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  They know what they done wrong. They don't want to hear it.
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  Y'all. It's just not.
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  This is a personal experience right here.
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  When I felt like I was losing an argument, I would just zone out
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  solid treatment or start yelling.
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  That's the that's the narcissist weapon right there.
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  It's just uncontrollable emotions, like, just like
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  unnecessary rage, unnecessary arguing, unnecessary fussing and
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  fighting. Here we go again.
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  Let's go get it. You know we're now.
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  We're arguing. We're fussing.
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  We're fighting. We're doing every.
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  We're doing. We're checking every single box
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  right now. Because we're angry at each
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  other. You know because I don't want to
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  win. Because I'm super.
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  I, I, I I feel like if I don't have a valid point and I know
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  I'm wrong. Let me get louder than you.
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  Because loud, loud wins, right. Let not not.
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  Not only do I get loud with you. I can go silent on you.
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  I can go silent on you too. Like this is this point.
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  Yeah, I'm just telling you it can be extremely pointless to
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  argue with a narcissist because they don't like y'all.
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  Even if they have to work tomorrow, even if you have to
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  work tomorrow, they don't care. They just like they they don't
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  want to go to sleep with a loss. So if they go to sleep while
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  you're still up crying and you're you want to argue, you
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  want to talk about it, you want to handle the situation, They'll
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  sleep peacefully. They'll go to sleep on Cloud 9.
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  Because your anger, your anger is like a your anger and your
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  tears and your sorrow, your crime is like a white noise
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  machine to them Be over there. You over there, just spit,
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  spilling your heart, you hurting, you argue, you want to
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  fuss and whatnot. Man, I don't know if you want to
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  fuss, but you're fussing now. And they over there just hear
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  this is what they hear. Just constant white noise.
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  They're sleeping peacefully on cloud nine.
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  It's just floating. Floating through their dream.
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  They they're counting sheep while you're angry and you know,
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  and sometimes if you try to go, if you try, if you, if they want
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  to argue, fuss and fight, they'll keep you up at all at
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  night, they'll keep you up. They're not going to let you go
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  to sleep. They'll jump on the bed.
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  They'll start throwing stuff. They'll start blasting music.
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  They'll turn all the lights on. They're trying to flashlight on
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  your face. They'll sometimes, I've seen
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  this happen before. They'll throw water on you.
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  They'll throw food on you, pour alcohol on you, they'll throw
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  you off the bed. They don't want y'all they.
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  Even if you have a point, like when they feel like they're
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  wrong or they're going to lose, they might get physical as well.
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  They were just saying like ask you before you get into it.
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  Like I said, a lot of times I'm telling you, narcissistic
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  people, they know they've done you wrong.
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  They know there's just like there's there's proof positive
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  that they know they've done you wrong, right.
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  But to admit that it's a whole different animal, you know, to
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  admit it is a whole different animal for a narcissistic
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  person. You know, I I've had people to
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  talk to me when I'm doing one on ones, they'll say things like
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  when I'm talking to people over zoom, they'll say things like,
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  well, Lee, we I've, I've been with this person for 14 years
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  and they never apologized once. Like I've been with this person
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  for 14 years, Not one single solitary apology.
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  I've been with this person for 8:00.
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  I've been with this person for seven years.
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  They've never taken accountability.
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  I've been with this. I've been with this person for
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  16 years and I've never won an argument.
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  Lee. I was like, because they don't
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  like, you might like, they just don't lose the argument.
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  Y'all. And sometimes just to get and
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  sometimes just to get you to shut up, they'll just say like
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  whatever you say, you win. Whatever you say, whatever you
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  say, you got it. Cool, you got it.
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  You're right. You're 100% right.
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  That's not you winning an argument.
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  Y'all they they they just want you to be quiet, you know?
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  They literally want you to shut your mouth.
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  Or just saying like arguing with a narcissist can be extremely
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  pointless. Like it can just it can be
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  extremely pointless, extremely draining and you like a lot of
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  times and you don't even a lot of times you don't even intend
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  to argue. You just want to hold the person
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  accountable. You just want like like you.
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  You feel like you're dealing with a normal non narcissistic
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  person. You feel like you can just have
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  this conversation as an adult, right?
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  I'm going to talk to you as an adult and you don't have an
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  adult conversation. Now you're arguing.
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  It's like, damn, I just wanted you to say sorry.
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  I just wanted you to apologize for yelling at me and and Kroger
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  yesterday. I honestly just wanted you to
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  say I'm sorry for screaming at me when we were going.
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  I just wanted you to say sorry for screaming at me when we were
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  at Harris Teeter. Like, whatever it is they you
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  deserved to be screaming at. You deserved to be yelled at.
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  They feel like you're they like when you try to hold them
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  accountable, they'll typically flip the script and try to hold
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  you hold you accountable instead.
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  I know it sounds ignorant as hell, but that's the baseline
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  that a lot of these people go through.
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  Y'all they want to hold you accountable instead.
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  And that happens quite a bit in these touchy relationship
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  spaces. They were just saying like, ask
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  yourself before you like. And I know this sounds ignorant,
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  ignorant, y'all, but ask yourself this right here.
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  Before you start talking to this person, before you start, before
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  you try to hold them accountable, before you try to
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  have this conversation with them, ask yourself, what is the
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  goal? Because if you're watching this
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  video and you think you're dealing with a narcissist and
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  you think the goal is going to be to hold them accountable
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  unless you have some type of leverage on them, it's hard to
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  hold a narcissist. A narcissist accountable without
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  leverage and leverage is something to move them, to get
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  them to move, to get them to take accountability, something
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  that gives you power. In this situation, a lot of
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  times the leverage people have is a lot of times the leverage
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  that people have is access to themselves.
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  Access to you is the leverage. And a lot of people just
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  understand that and take take that.
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  He was like, well the leverage. Access to me is the leverage
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  that I have. I like I possess the leverage
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  over me. I possess the control over my,
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  you know my body my time, my space in situations like that,
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  you know because holding like say y'all unless I know I know
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  some of y'all are fussers and fighters.
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  Let's let's say I know some of y'all.
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  Y'all like to argue too. Let's keep it high.
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  Me might not like to argue, but you might be a good arguer,
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  right? You might not like to argue per
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  SE, but you're a good arguer and you just like, I'm going to, I'm
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  going to speak my piece. Lee, hey, it's it's hard to hold
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  that in, you know, it's hard to hold this in when I got this
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  knowledge, when I, when I know they've done me wrong.
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  When I know this, it's hard to hold it in.
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  So I'm going to speak my piece. You know, I'm going to keep, I'm
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  going to say what I need to say and do what I need to do, which
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  I let's say again y'all. I understand that.
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  I do. I do understand it.
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  But again, how much time you got on you?
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  Because they'll get they can go all night, or they'll completely
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  shut down, or they completely rage out on you, or they'll
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  ignore you, you know? Or they will ignore you.
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  That happens quite a bit as well.
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  They will absolutely ignore the hell out of you.
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  Try to manipulate you into doing a lot of this stuff and get you,
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  you know. So ask yourself, what is it
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  before you start this argument, before you start this fussing,
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  ask yourself like, what is the goal here?
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  What goal do I have when I'm talking to this person right
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  here? You know, what's the goal here?
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  Because if the goal is accountability or get them to
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  understand where you're coming from, that's going to be a very
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  difficult goal to achieve. Y'all, let's keep it high, high
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  and rated like a little Caesar's pizza.
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  Let's keep it high. Right now I say arguing with the
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  narcissist could be very pointless because they don't.
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  Yeah, they know. I just want them.
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  I want, I want them. I want to let them know that I
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  know, Lee, you can let them know.
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  But I'm just saying. Just be prepared to fuss.
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  Be prepared to fight sometimes. Be prepared to to scrap, to
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  squabble. You know the squabble is going
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  to happen. Y'all might be, might be getting
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  ready to squabble and whatnot. Been with y'all so y'all TuneIn
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  to another episode. Make sure I TuneIn every single
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  Thursday, 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time to my live show
• 10:54
  waving the red flag with Lee Hammock.
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  Like subscribe. I'm out.
• 10:58
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 11:07
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 11:09
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• 11:12
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• 11:14
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• 11:18
  out. Thank you.
• 11:18
  I will see you in the next video.
• 11:20
  Peace.