Latest / The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell / #35 - Obesity, Injury, and Ultra-Running with Philip Godwin

Transcript

#35 - Obesity, Injury, and Ultra-Running with Philip Godwin · The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: The food's always going to be there.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hostess is always going to make cupcakes.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like Little Debbie's always going to make those oatmeal cream pies.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's always going to be ice cream in the grocery store.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: But there's not always going to be me.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's not always going to be the opportunity that I have to show to other people, to be honest with you, and to myself, that I can do something that I put my mind to.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: What's up, y'all?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to Seeking Authenticity.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: My name is Flint Mitchell, and I get absolutely psyched by having conversations with authentic people that I admire about the things they value.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: Their stories and perspectives don't just make me smile, laugh, and think.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: They inspire me to wake up earlier, listen better, focus, and work harder, and help make me a better version of myself.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: And it's my hope that sharing these conversations through this podcast might do the same thing for you.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: In this episode, I talk with Philip Godwin.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_04: I was introduced to Philip by Zach Smith, a former podcast guest who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_04: Like Zach, Philip has found himself crossing the finish line of endurance vets, doing several runs from 30 to 50 and even 100 miles at a time.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: In this conversation, however, before we dive into his path with running, we touch on the beginning of that journey.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_04: Dealing with obesity, a disabling injury, and tons of negative self-talk in high school and into college.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_04: Philip had to deal with some real personal challenges, mental and physical, before journeying into long-distance running.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_04: Likewise, we talked about his first 100-mile run, which he used to raise nearly$20,000 to start a fund in the name of a friend that had passed away.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_04: If you feel like you're in a rut or even just moving a bit slower than normal, I think this conversation might help you turn that around.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: I loved hearing Philip's take, and I know you will too.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: Enjoy.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for doing this with me, Phil.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_04: I really appreciate it.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, absolutely, man.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_04: Now, I always appreciate uh connecting with new people, and so it's kind of fun to be able to connect with you through Zach, another uh pretty fun episode on this podcast.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_04: And when he talked about you when he was introducing me to you, he did so with this really respectful positive energy.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: When I asked him if there's anyone that might uh that might enjoy being on this podcast, he goes, Yes, I know a person.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely for sure.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: I know a guy that would that would love to be on this podcast.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_04: And these are the reasons why.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_04: And he kind of touched on mostly about this aspect of um mental person, maybe personal accountability is a better way of doing it, is uh a very responsible person.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_04: And so when we talked, it was kind of fun to hear that that sounds like it's been a product of endurance activities that you've been taking part of.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: Specifically, long distance running has been kind of the uh sole one I've I've gathered.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_04: Could you tell me a bit about how you were first introduced to long distance running and why it became attractive to you?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um I again, Flynn, I really appreciate you having me on.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And Zach is an absolute savage.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I love, I love that guy.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: We um so to to jump forward before I go into the long the long-winded story, um, Zach and I actually I've never I've only met him once in my life.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I live in Columbia, South Carolina, and he lives up in Toronto, Canada.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we were both in the same uh national fraternity in college, and his chapter would take a road trip down the southeast during the spring break and hit all of the chapters uh within the SEC.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I met Zach for maybe three days then, and I didn't talk to him or hear from him for about a year and a half.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I had just finished my first 100-mile race and I had raised a bunch of money for charity for a friend of mine who had passed away.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And Zach uh reached out to me on Instagram and we started talking because he did something very similar, uh, a lot more incredible in my in my honest opinion.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: He hiked the PCT solo, which is crazy.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like 1600 miles or something like that.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: 2400, I believe.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: 24.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know it's I know it's over 2000.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so so here I am, like one day of that, and he's out here doing it for like over 90, and I just can't comprehend it.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So so it's it's really great to hear that Zach has great things to say about me when I look up to him also as a friend.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so long distance running and I have had a love-hate relationship, I'd say, especially off the start.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I uh I grew up in, I had a great home, great family, um, no really deep issues at all, but I was very overweight growing up.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was always the big kid in school, I could never win at tag, I always got picked last at gym class, you know, just that the typical, like, you know, every time you watch a 90s movie, you you see that one kid, you're like, yeah, that was me.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was it was all right because I I was able to develop other aspects of myself that I'm very thankful for now.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think that since I wasn't able to, you know, have that physical side of whether it be attraction or performance, I was able to develop my my language, my articulation, and my studies.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but my parents also, they were like, all right, Phil, like we gotta, we gotta get you on a treadmill.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're getting a little big.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So when when oh man, it was and and they were nice about it.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like they would say, so so we don't really give you guys a ton of food for dinner.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: How come it looks like you've been gaining weight recently?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, I go downstairs after dinner and make like two more plates of food behind your back.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it was uh so it's a complete me thing.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was a complete and I still and I still deal with it, you know.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I still I love to eat, man.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I I hit a run today and I went and bought a tub of Halo Top ice cream afterwards because I said I earned it, and then I put like a bunch of peanut butter in it.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, back back to the story.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um so in it all started, I would say, in uh middle school was when I tried out for the soccer team in sixth grade.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to play goalie.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I played goalie all through elementary school.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to play goalie middle school.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I really looked up to the Brazil soccer team, um, especially Ronaldinho, even though he wasn't a goalie.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: But Julio Cesar was a goalie at the time, and I was a huge fan of him.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I got cut from the soccer team because I was too slow.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it it wasn't detrimental to me.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but my parents were like, okay, we need to get you doing something active.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so the only other sport that I could play that didn't have cuts was the cross-country team.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when I tell you that I've never worn shorts that were shorter.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have never worn shorts that were shorter.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wore these, you know, like compression shorts that you wear um or tights.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: So those are like thigh length.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: These shorts were like way too short, man.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I was out here like looking like a like an amazing toothpick.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it looks it looks fine on somebody who runs cross-country, not on someone who can't run.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: So so my first experience with with endurance running, um, probably pretty good.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I got last every single time.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I got last every single time.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I would I remember one in particular, uh, my friend Conrad, actually.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't know each other at the time, but I would be running and he would do the run-walk thing.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: He would run a little bit and then walk and then run a little bit and walk, and he would beat me every single race.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I would run the whole time.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, that made me so mad.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I did cross-country sixth and seventh grade, and I never really touched running again uh for about four more years because I went into high school and I started playing high school football.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I came into school at about 190 pounds at 5'10, which you know wasn't bad.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And within a year, I had put on 40 pounds.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I went from 190, yeah, I went from 190 to 230.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that next year I went up from 230 to 250 and then topping off at 261 uh when I was 17.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I was a thick, I was a thick boy.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh to parlay with that, I also blew my back out, uh, doing some heavy back squats with bad form.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And really long story short, uh lost my ability to walk within four months.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um so there was a it wasn't a very yeah, it wasn't a very long period of time.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like I was, you know, in a wheelchair for a year, but there was a there was a very a very aggressive and a very um acute period of time to where I could not move.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this was a real shocker to me.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_04: How brutal is it to be, what are you, a senior in high school?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: Uh overweight and unable to walk.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, how how tough of an experience was that it was hard because um the hardest part was that nobody really believed me.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: That was the hardest thing.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Even it took me the longest time with my parents.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so when you know, the the most common injury in high school football or football in general is an ACL tear.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's an ACL tear, you know, you watch the game film on college game day, you see their knee tweak, or it's a shoulder dislocation, you look at their shoulder and it's three inches lower than the other one, and then they're in a cast for nine months.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they have a scar to show the injury.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't have I didn't have that.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: What I had was it was an L5SO disc herniation, and um it's completely it's it's subdermal.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's within the skin.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can't see anything about it.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: I never wore a cast, it wasn't like I walked around on crutches um because there was no purpose with that.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was accused of faking my injury so I didn't have to play football.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was accused, yeah, I was accused of faking it.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had to deal with the um, I would call it an indirect humiliation of standing in the back of class because I couldn't sit down because the pain was so horrible.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the pain, the pain is uh sciatica.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's more common in the older population and with uh pregnant women, but if you um slip a disc in your in your uh lumbar spine, it impinges that sciatic nerve, uh, which can then run down the length of your leg, which is what I experienced.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, so being 17 and having to deal with that was tough.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I tried to fight through it.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I tried continuing to play football through the pain, and there was one really tough night.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it was after practice.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I got clocked pretty hard during a run play.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: We were we were running offense versus defense, and I came home and my mom had got me like this Epson salt bath drawn, and she was being really sweet.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I got in the bath to try and numb the pain, and something happened to where it just flipped.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: It just turned into this positive feedback loop to where the pain just got so much worse and worse, to where I started like blatantly crying hysterically, screaming, and just crying on the floor in front of my parents.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm butt naked, dude.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I am butt naked, crying on the floor in front of my mom and dad because the pain was so bad and there was nothing they could do.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was just begging to be normal again, which is I just I will never forget that moment is just like laying in my parents' office, begging them for something to help, and they couldn't do anything.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, I had to be put on I had to be put on prescription pain medication just to sleep at night, which was um which I I hope goes to show that the pain was definitely difficult.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: I I think what from this description it's pretty pretty evident.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I don't I don't think you're making it up.
• 11:47
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was the hardest thing too, man.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like my my buddies all wanted me to play ball with them and I wanted to go hang out, but dude, I couldn't sit in a chair.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, how long did this last?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so what that was the low point.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was in about August of my senior year.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad it didn't get low.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I still deal with yeah, well, thank God.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I still deal with the pain today, um, but it's not nearly as bad.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the I would say the the quote story um of how I got into distance running the started about nine months within nine months of the of the low point.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I met this physical therapist who brought me back to health.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: He is he was the head physical therapist in NC State football.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, quote, best hands in the state, manual therapy genius.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Luke Buffam, he's the man.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, he's the absolute man.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: He's like 6'7, played basketball at NC State, total tank.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and him and I became really good friends because he would help me uh learn how to walk again.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: He helped me learn how to exercise again, and I fell in love with the the human body and the capabilities of it uh through him.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was able to go from not being able to walk uh to actually playing on my senior night game uh from August to uh October.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that middle of October, I was able, yeah, I was able to go on the field and I was on the field for a touchdown.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it's only high school sports, not like I was playing at Ohio State, but it was it was very important to me.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: Well, yeah, I mean it's less about I mean, in my perspective, it's a little bit less about the actual sport being played and more about the overcoming of a pretty honestly sounds like traumatic experience, you know?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, a hundred percent.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that having his help uh and being told, like, aside from all the doctors that said you'll you're never gonna play sports again.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like they said you're never gonna lift heavy weights again, you're never gonna lift weights again.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you're never gonna be able to vertically load your spine again.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And going out and you know, chalk one, play in a football game and be able to, you know, make contact with somebody and be the driving force on a on an I formation run down the middle.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um and then the season ending, and then there's no more football.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: With you know, my my goal this whole time was to be able to play football because I loved it so much, and then it was you know taken away from me.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it was honestly a blessing in disguise because, dude, I'm like I'm 5'11 and three quarters.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even say I'm six feet and be honest with you.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm I'm not tall enough to to play in the league.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't good enough either.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't have a future in it.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: And my season ended up, I still had some back pain I was dealing with, I still had to stretch all the time, and I looked at myself in the mirror with my shirt off, and I was like, oh my goodness, what did I do?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um there's something about that, man.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_04: Of that that that place where, and I think this is really common.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_04: I know this happened for me with soccer, is the place where it almost feels like something uh that you identify has been stripped with you, and it forces you into this pretty heavy situation where you have to decide uh are you gonna go forward in a positive direction or a negative direction.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's are you gonna accept and face what you're dealing with, or are you going to avoid it and potentially, you know, for lack of a better phrase, ruin your life.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: It it happens often, especially when at the professional level, players will come out, whether they be offensive linemen in football or whether they be wide receivers, they'll come out and they'll be broke within five years, or they'll come out and they'll gain another 50 pounds and be 380, 400 pounds coming out.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I looked at myself and I was like, all right, like am I gonna continue to be this, you know, pre-type two diabetic, that's what I was labeled as.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was morbidly obese.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or am I gonna take control and decide, okay, let's let's do something about this and then let's move forward.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't even I I had endurance running at this point, Flint was nowhere in my mind.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I hated cardio as a passion.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely hated it.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was scarred from cross-country, getting beat all the time.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I had to I had to do cardio back to step one.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_04: What was step one after that?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: That at that time you're looking in the mirror.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: What's step one uh to go in a positive direction?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, step one was admitting that I needed to do it.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I had tried losing weight a couple of times in the years prior, but my senior year of high school, football was over, I was going to college in six months.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to, to be frank, I wanted to be attractive.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I never felt what it was like to be attractive before.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be happy uh looking at what I saw in the mirror, and I wanted to be able to perform in any physical.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to play intramural sports, I wanted to be able to run and chase somebody down, and I wanted to just not have to wheeze at getting at the top of the stair.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like getting to the top of the stairs.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was little things like that.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the first step, honestly, was the first step in that physically that I took was Christmas Day uh 2015.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: I went to my uncle's house.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: We always went there for Christmas every year, and I pigged out like crazy.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I ate as much food as I could.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: I had carrot cake, prime rib, like they treated me well.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: He's a he works in candy, he's a candy broker, so he helps provide uh high quality uh sweets to uh restaurants and chains.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you can see how this works out for me.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's great.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I and I come home from binging and I step on the scale and I was 256.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I was five pounds lighter than I was at 261, but I was still 256.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, all right, like let's get after it.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the great things about uh getting my back injury was the best way for me to relieve my pain was to go on a run because it relieved the back pain through increasing blood flow to my lower limbs.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that was honestly the best negative reinforcement I could ever have uh with getting into running because it was every single day I would go to school.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: After school, I would go on a three-mile run with my buddy Steven Fedorovich.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he's currently uh recent graduate of the Naval Academy going into the Marines now as an officer.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we would always run together.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it was funny because every almost every time I would beat him.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was 250 pounds and he was around 200 at the time.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now I don't know if I could beat him anymore because uh he's going to do some pretty big things, but it was it was interesting.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, Phil, you're a gazelle, man.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you know, you could look in the mirror when I run and my guts flopped and up and down.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I had to I had to do that.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: And within six months, I dropped 60 pounds.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_04: Well, yeah.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: So in that, but that typically isn't just a factor of cardio.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you can cardio is one one factor in that in that equation, and it's a it's a big one, but I would say the bigger ones generally diet.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_04: So how did you I mean it this is actually something I wanted to ask since kind of the beginning is I think this is something that a lot of people empathize with.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_04: It's something that I I've found in my life is the act of using food for comfort.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_04: And um not only that, it's it's something that creeps back in.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: Like if uh imagine you make a uh a week or two of success of you know, you lose a couple pounds or you're going for runs more more often, it becomes this place where you get a little too comfortable and in that place you start to use food.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: You don't maybe even if you're just eating poorer food instead of eating uh more of it, it it still becomes this place where it it takes control as this kind of negative habit that prevents you from uh getting to where you want to be, you know?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're right.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's that's something that I still deal with today.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it comes down to it's it's really cliche.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um it comes down to how bad you want something.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was it wasn't when I looked in the mirror, it was when I thought about who I was and what I was capable of.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Was I willing to was I willing to sacrifice what I needed to sacrifice and able to get what I wanted?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something that I I say that to myself every single day now.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my current situation and past situations is and I I write it down and I look at it on a sheet of paper.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a really hard conversation to have with yourself.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And for me at this point in my life, it it was donuts, it was honey buns.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: My nickname, the I was friends, and I still am, I'm best friends with the principal.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: I know the principal's son.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the principal would tell me every morning walking into school, morning honey bun, because his daughter, who is oh my gosh, she's she was like six years old at the time, and and she started calling me Honey Bun because she learned that I like honey bun so much.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I I had this spiritual uh connection with food.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to look at that and say, what do I really want here?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do like the the the food's always gonna be there.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hostess is always gonna make cupcakes, like little Debbie's always gonna make those oatmeal cream pies.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's always gonna be ice cream in the grocery store, but there's not always gonna be me.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's not always gonna be the the opportunity that I have to show to other people, to be honest with you, and to myself, that that I can do something that I put my mind to.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided that I was going to bear the storm of being that guy who came to school every day, and I got laughed at for this.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I distinctly remember it.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have Tupperware with a smelly piece of salmon from Trader Joe's and some brown rice.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Two days a week I'd have that.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Two days a week I'd have Eye of Round Steak, which I would overcook because I didn't know what I was doing, and brown rice for two days a week.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would have chicken and rice two days a week.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then that last day a week, I would probably have chicken and rice again.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: It there was not a, it was never a okay, and I gave myself a cheat meal here.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is a this was a fill.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're not only not going to be able to physically perform like you want to, but your back pain, that that negative reinforcement that I had, you know, a negative thing like having a back pain or being injured, the only way that you can get better is by doing something positive for yourself.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I mean by a negative reinforcement.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, having that negative reinforcement pushed me harder to maintain my diet, which is and I agree with you, it's it's the entire, it's 80% of the entire battle of weight loss is diet.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was the it wasn't the hardest part of it for me, to be honest with you, because once I started seeing like the pounds falling off, I didn't care what other people thought.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody noticed that I lost weight until I lost like 35 pounds.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um no, it was 50 pounds.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was 50 pounds until anyone noticed.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And wow, it's pretty dramatic.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's a 20% of your weight, right?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, it was it was a lot of weight.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, only one person, actually, my my buddy Cal noticed when I had lost nine pounds, and that was really cool.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: But besides that, it took about 50 pounds to lose it.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the diet is um it's the most habitual part of your lifestyle, if not only if you want to lose weight, but if you want to be as productive as a person as you want to be.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um kind of like you put in what you get out.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you can agree with me there.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_04: What do you mean by uh the productive side of that comment?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: So if I like to think of it's a bit cliche, but I like to think of my body as a machine.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if I want to optimally perform every single day to my maximum capability, I I need to be able to provide myself with the nutrition, fuel, gasoline, whatever you want to call it, and recovery necessary for me to be optimal during the times that I need to be optimal.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it comes down to not only diet, but it comes down to sleeping as well.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um before I go forward, I want to make sure if I answered that.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, absolutely.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it it's okay, it makes sense.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_04: It's a very powerful idea, is it's kind of this just taking ownership.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and that's a very generic way of putting it, but it's taking ownership for all the things that are affecting the way that you are acting.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_04: And getting a really unhealthy big meal in front of you typically doesn't even the act of eating it, not necessarily the nutritional aspect of it, but eating a really shitty meal really inspires you to get up and and go, you know, get back to work or or go for a run or or really do anything productive, I would say.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: And in you know, a disclaimer, as humans, we need time to recover, as you know, whether it be eating a eating a pizza one day or you know, going out.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: I literally told you before this call, I went and I had a run this morning and I bought a tub of ice cream afterwards when I ate it before this call.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: So so it's having a having a harmony with that is very important, but it's it's not a balance by any means.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's more of an 80-20 harmony of, you know, as long as you can be disciplined and in the maintenance aspect of it.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: This this is a little bit of a tangent because this, in my opinion, has nothing to do with weight loss.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but if if you want to stay disciplined, um you do need that time to recover and enjoy a shitty meal every once in a while.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just to sometimes it feels good to do bad things in the nicest way possible.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: But to to bring it back to getting into the diet aspect of it, there's there's no room for there's no room for that because your your body needs to be that fine-tuned machine that is constantly dropping the the fat and the weight that you need to to be a healthier person.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um and before I stopped, I mentioned sleep as well.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a um, I know you're a bit of a nerd too, so I'll I'll talk about this real quick.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's a researcher at uh there's a research at the University of South Carolina.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh his name is Joshua Sparks, and he was a teaching assistant of mine who's, I believe uh he's gained his PhD recently in exercise physiology.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he did this uh study when I was a junior to senior in college on the effect of sleep on weight loss.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: And they had, I believe it was a small, it was a small sample size, it was only eight participants, but they put them both on a caloric deficit.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the same caloric deficit, I believe it was about 500 calories per day, and they had them sleep uh one group slept for six hours a night, and one group slept for seven hours a night.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and both groups lost eight pounds, which was awesome.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it cool sleep doesn't affect the total weight loss, but the the group that lost six pounds or sorry, the group that slept for six hours uh lost, I believe it was six pounds of fat and two pounds of muscle.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then the group that lost or the group that slept for seven hours lost eight pounds of fat.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: So looking in in referencing that, you really have to become habitual um with the weight loss aspect.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I had to do.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I had to sacrifice, you know, going out and getting cookout with my friends in high school.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: I had to sacrifice drinking milkshakes with my family on a Friday night.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had to sacrifice a big pasta dinner with my girlfriend at the time.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would I would have to eat salads and I would get made fun of for it.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I was able to drop that 60 pounds in six months, which was my first goal.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then I lost 25 more coming into college.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: And what had happened was I had lost the weight that I wanted in my back pain had gotten so much better, but I had developed a severe eating disorder, which is the negative side of long-term weight loss.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: That is so little.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, uh, very little.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: I had binge episodes.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I I'd achieved my quantitative goal of losing the fat that I wanted to, but what I had turned into, and this is the this is the negative side of it, I had turned into an obsessive, um an obsessive animal with numbers.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: I would say the best.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: I I cared about that number on the scale more than anything.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a I would almost pass out after standing up because I wouldn't take in any salt, because when you take in sodium, you retain water.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um and this is before I learned anything about you know the the way that a uh a muscle actually activates, which is through calcium and sodium.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I wish I knew that at the time because then I would have eaten more salt, but I would I'm I'm sorry.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to avoid the weight, no, it makes sense.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_04: I mean it's it's really tough, right?
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_04: When you know, to an extent to uh point where your nickname is identifying, you know, as honey buns with food.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_04: And inherently that means your identity has become at 17 years old, which is a pretty important part of time in life, it's you're identifying with this weight on a scale.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_04: And so the idea of it dropping is kind of the act of making yourself better.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_04: So lower weight equals better you.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, and that's that's how I looked at it.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly how I looked at it.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_04: What was then well, I want to get into I haven't even answered your question yet.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what question?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, the original question.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_04: We'll get there.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: I'm pretty fascinated at this point though at which you hit the goal.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, the goal weight.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_04: Where because right, we have this first uh phase, right, where you're looking yourself in the mirror over weight after football, and you go, okay, I need to lose weight.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_04: And then you you do, you know, six months, eight months later, you're it sounds like 75 pounds lighter, you're at this goal weight, you're probably looking yourself in the mirror again, you look a lot better.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_04: What's what's next?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_04: How do you change your goal from this the weight or the number on the scale to long distance running or to anything outside of that?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what was what was the hardest part for me um was that developing that eating disorder and um anorexia, I would, I would label it as, because I I did look in the mirror and I would immediately pick myself out, like, oh, like my love handles are still drooping a little bit.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, like this loose skin.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: I need to get this loose skin removed.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: I need surgery for that.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: I talked to my parents about that.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: I we took Christmas pictures with Santa um and I posted a picture on social media, and everyone was like very impressed and surprised and congratulating me on the weight loss.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I was looking at the picture and I would look at the way my shirt fit, and I was just picking myself out like a surgeon.
• 31:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: So the what I would say is that goal had to, I had to pivot.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to say change.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had to pivot that goal because um I was going down a negative path with that.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure anyone could assume based off of what I've said with the negative results of it.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the way that I did that was by learning how to honestly learning how to eat the right way.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: And once I figured out how to eat the right way, okay, like I can eat this burger right now, and I'm not going to die for it from a heart attack.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can eat this pizza, I can go out and have a couple beers and I'll be okay.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Having to, you know, it's still a habit.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I had to habitually train myself to become more of a socially and human, I would just say become more of a social human.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And once I had learned that, then things became a lot better.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: I started being happier with how I looked.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: I worked out all the time still.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: I loved to weight train.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't really into running as much at that point yet.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: I used I normally used it as a as a means to an end.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, at the end of a workout, if I had 20 minutes to kill, I'd go on a run.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but what really got me into endurance running was um my second year in university.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I had a really tough breakup.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way that I was able to clear my head was to go outside and run without headphones on.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was always without headphones too.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: If I wore headphones, I don't know why, it just didn't work.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um and the the reason why was because I could go out and I could be alone and I could think through every potential situation um with that person at the time and just try and come to peace with it or think through negative things that had happened and try and introspectively look uh into how I may have acted in the wrong way and how I could have acted better.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: And doing that, I would end up like, oh man, I ended up running, I'd run like three miles a day, go up to five miles a day.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then one day in the middle of January, my friend texted me and he goes, Hey man, like you want to do a half Iron Man in May or in June?
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I was like, fuck it, let's do it.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it was it was my friend Austin.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is my friend Austin Purvis, uh, he's from Raleigh.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's, you know, to be honest with you, Flint, that was the driver to getting me into um endurance, endurance athletics, I would say.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: While while my weight loss journey, um my my eating, uh, my eating habits and uh a failed relationship were very strong foundational aspects leading up to that.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they gave me my why and they gave me a place of humility um in training for these events.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: The my first real ultra endurance event uh of that half Iron Man, that was the that was my uh that was my motivator then.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: That was my next goal.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I have to have a conquest to to chase after I have no purpose.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I started, oh man, I was I was I was 19 years old, man.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was a sophomore in college.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was supposed to be going out three to four nights a week um and you know, partying in college at a big SEC school.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: But dude, I was going to bed at nine o'clock, waking up at five, going to the gym before class, going to class, going to the gym after class, learning how to swim.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I had to learn how to swim again because I hadn't swimmed since I was like nine years old because I hated swim team so much because I was overweight.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that was another challenge.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but training for that Ironman, getting back into that habitualistic, ritualistic, goal-oriented mindset was the biggest sense of positive satisfaction that I've ever felt and ever will feel.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's why I constantly strive after those events.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_04: That actually brings me to something that I've been hearing a lot over the past couple points you've made.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_04: Right, is this uh a couple minutes ago you mentioned you summed it up pretty well, which was dealing with the kind of weight loss.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_04: I wouldn't necessarily call them insecurities, not really the way you put it, but the the issues of weight loss and then the issues of this breakup.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_04: And then uh running or cardio in it, it sounds like became a form of creating uh semblance of self-act self-acceptance.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Self-acceptance and therapy for sure.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's it was a method for you of going kind of to war with yourself, right, and thinking about these places where you're critiquing yourself or thinking about these issues that you've had in your in in life, or reasons why your your relationship might have not not lasted, or reasons why uh everyone else can congratulate you for losing weight, but you are still nitpicking yourself, right?
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_04: It's this way of going to war with yourself and and while running, it sounds like, or maybe while swimming, while biking, any of these endurance sports, trying to come to terms with the negative self-talk you had.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a constant, it's a constant grind.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not it, and to be honest with you, like I don't think it'll ever stop.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean, even the other day I looked in the mirror and started nitpicking myself and had to had to remind myself, all right, Phil, like you're you're doing just fine.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're you're hustling, you're getting after it.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um just just keep your nose to the grindstone and keep getting after it.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the most it's it's the only way that I can tell it to myself is to just stay within the process.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then you'll look back and think, you know what, I did have I had something going there.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I did I did have external help as well.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've I've seen I've seen therapists.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm very open about that too.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a great method to to help yourself either better understand and articulate how situations occurred and how to think through them.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and also a way to just feel more comfortable as a human being because you know, paying somebody to listen to you is great because you know they're not gonna tell anyone because who are they gonna tell?
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know what you know.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's fantastic.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the the other thing that I did was I really I started out, you know, with the the typical self-help gurus.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: I read my mom gave me a Les Brown book out of the blue one day.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: Started reading that while I was training for that uh Iron Man.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and that book set a fire up under me, dude.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: It it just worked, you know, and it's I know it's I'd probably read it again now and be like, damn man, like come on, Phil.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you gotta be more original.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: But Les Brown was he was killing it.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then I that's when I got into to David Goggins, you know, the the name that everyone knows but will never challenge.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I started, I started getting into uh the the man also known as Jordan Peterson.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: These these typical people that really focused on bettering themselves as an individual and doing that through difficult tasks.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I really I felt this connection to that, not only as a man, because they these are all men, um, but also because of the the trials and tribulations and baptism by fire that they've all gone through within their own lives.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: And and to to get into the more endurance stuff, when I was training for that half iron man, the most I had run during this training, the training block I was in, I had about two months left, was eight miles.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I started, I was reading this Napoleon Hill book just to give you another another typical one that people read.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I'm really helping myself here.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he started he started talking about uh this this other side of you that you wish you could be, the chasing the ideal, you know, the Platonic ideal um that classical philosophers would discuss, um the theory of the forms of things of that nature.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I started thinking to myself, like, what can I actually do?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is when my brain started changing from that nitpicking, I need to change this so I stop feeling like this, to more of an open-minded, what can I do with the tools I'm given and how far can I actually take this?
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: And what ended up happening is I I was reading and listening to some of David Goggins' story.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was reading Napoleon Hill's book, and I decided on a Wednesday that I was gonna run a marathon with no training uh that upcoming Saturday.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the farthest side run was eight miles, but I said, you know, if if David Goggins can do it, if he can run 100 miles with no training, I can go out and run a quarter of that.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a uh, I can talk about this now because I graduated.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I had a pledge who is uh now a very good friend of mine, uh, ride a bike next to me uh the whole time.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was able to crank out a marathon in under four hours minimal training.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was it was one of the most uh transformational experiences of my entire life because ever since then I have never had a shed of doubt with something, with a challenge or with a whether it be related to my work or or my school, there's never a shed of doubt in my mind that I can't do something.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you can call it ignorance and bullheadedness, but that's just that's just what it's turned into.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_04: There's so there's two things there that really stand out to me.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_04: First off, is I think they kind of work in a pretty beautiful way together.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_04: The first of which is you mentioned several times that with the nitpicking, right, or that kind of side of your mind, you understand there's an awareness that it'll never fully be gone, right?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_04: And I it seems like that is true for a lot of aspects of life, is that positive or negative, there are these parts of our character or habits that we've instilled that will truly never go away.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_04: And so the awareness of that is while incredibly intimidating, also pretty inspiring because it gives you the upper hand of knowing that in the future this will come back, and in the future I can be prepared, right?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_04: And that ties into then this second aspect of that commentary, which is this ownership.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_04: Ownership isn't a good word for it, it's the the lack of having any doubt, the confidence that you will be able to overcome uh obstacles that are put in your path.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_04: I love that marathon example.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_04: I think it's it's obvious that could be so transformative because it's so tangible, right?
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_04: It's you look back and you go, no, actually, I did I did that, right?
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_04: There wasn't there's no questions about it.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_04: I ran those miles in this time frame.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_04: I probably have it written down somewhere.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_04: It happened.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'm capable of that then.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_04: I'm probably I'm probably still capable of it.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_04: But it's this understanding, this awareness that these issues aren't gonna get better.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_04: They're gonna sorry, they're gonna get better, but they're never they're never gonna be gone.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_04: But with the tools you have, you are going to be able to overcome them.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I agree.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I think it's important to to know you can do things and to know that it is it is possible, whatever you want to do, whether it be to start a business, which is something I'd love to do in the future, whether it be to fall in love with somebody, whether it be to buy a house or to raise a family or whatever whatever your aspirations are, it's it's very important to have a overly positive, optimistic, and a little aggressive.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think that's a little abrasive of a word, but it's important.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um you want to be on top of it, whatever it is that you want.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: But taking allowance to steal um uh a quote, take allowance for the doubting too.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: Always having that in the back of your mind, not a fear of failure or thinking that you can't do it, but understanding that there is a probability.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's a whether you think it's a probability or a chance, or it could it could go wrong.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's been a big driver for me as well to remember.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, when I was out, I I started cramping up at mile 24.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: And my legs locked up.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a part of me like, holy shit, I probably can't, I don't know if I can do this.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: During during the half Iron Man, um, I didn't take in the right amount of salt.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: Shocker, who would have thought?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um my legs locked up again, and I couldn't get out of a of a certain, I had to squat down and I couldn't get out of that position until somebody was nice enough to help me.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I still had 13 miles left in the run because the run had just started.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that being aware of potential demise is a very important way to motivate yourself to go as hard as you can.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I mean, you know, Flynn, if there was no if there was no bad result, I don't really think people would be able to push themselves as hard as they could.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: But that's just my own personal philosophy on it.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_04: Facing the possibility of failure is a huge driver.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh understanding and being aware that there's the chance that something might not work out.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: But whether or not you think now there's there's the chance, but then it's believing that that chance will come true.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's where things can get hairy.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something I never do.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: I I never believe that if I ever believe that I'll fail at something, I'm gonna fail at it regardless of how hard I try.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's the positive affirmations and being aware of the negative result that could potentially happen if you don't give it all you have.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_04: I remember the first marathon I ran.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um I think similar.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was uh I've only actually run one, so put that in perspective.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_04: Was it official?
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was the Catalina Marathon, which is, you know, anyone listening, if you have an opportunity, that's one of the coolest races you could possibly do.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_04: Uh you literally run down the spine of one of the Catalina or of the Catalina Island off the coast of Los Angeles.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_04: Incredible.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_04: It's like a trail, it's you know, pretty vertical.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_04: But about mile 24, uh I was just in brutal pain.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um something to do with my ankle pain or something.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_04: And in that moment, I channeled, I think, exactly what you're speaking of, which is this possibility of failure.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_04: And the decision in that place to not fail or to put everything I had into it in order to try and not fail.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_04: I ran the fastest two miles.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_04: I ran six minute miles at the end.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: Jeez, dude.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and it wasn't, it's it's one of those things where you look back at it and you think that energy was in your body the entire time.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_04: At mile 24, I was in so much pain, right?
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_04: Kind of like you talking about this at mile 13, is like there's this place where you're like, this sucks.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_04: I really couldn't go it.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_04: I can't go any further.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_04: And then all of a sudden you tap into something, you know, next level.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what that's what I love about the the challenge of an ultra-endurance event.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I love about it, is that it it requires, it's not a it's it doesn't even force you because it it can't force you or else you won't finish.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: With something like a marathon, it it requires you to to tap deeper than your biological body can go.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: Or to think that it can go.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, uh, absolutely.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_04: So, yeah, tell me about that perspective then with longer running, because you've done a hundred miles, right?
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've uh I've I recently ran uh a 30-mile race a month ago and then or two months ago rather, and I ran my first uh 100 miler back in June, and I've also run a uh the only official races I've done have been a 50 miler and a 30 miler.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my 100 miler was unofficial.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but uh the the 100-mile race was I like to use the word interesting when I describe it because I never it was never about me.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, up until this point of the conversation, all I've been talking about a little selfishly is is myself and you know the the struggles that I've had and how it's bettered me as a person, and I hope people can take can take information from that and hopefully use it for themselves in some other aspect of their life.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: But in all actuality, the the biggest driver for anything possible with myself is other people.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's it's having the ability to impact somebody else.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, in this case, it was um my friend's family.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll I'll get into the the why in a moment.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um having the ability to impact them and to show to them that yes, he he meant something to me and to everyone.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm willing, I will go through this, I will do this so I can show you how important he is always.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I had circle back to 2019.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had just finished my first um 50-mile ultra marathon, the the Iron Mountain Trail Run, and it was great.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't train for it at all.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: I barely trained for it, super idiotic.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: I actually signed up for it like three weeks before, and my mom was yelling at me on the phone on the way there, telling me I was an idiot, and I uh had come back after finishing within the deadline, and I'd qualified for the old Dominion 100.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I got a I got a call from my younger brother um the next day.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he he called me and he said uh my friend Noah, Noah Domkowski, he said, Noah passed away the other day from a from a seizure, uh completely unexpected, and there was really no other words, and I just said, Thank you for telling me and then hung up the phone.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was it was hard.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had no idea what to do.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: I had I had never experienced uh someone that I had known personally um passing away.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: And Noah and I were close uh in our in our middle and high school lives.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um we weren't we weren't best friends, and I'll I'm always honest about that.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: We we were very close, but but we we didn't hang out every single day of the week.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um Noah was Noah was diagnosed with uh Asperger's syndrome.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when back in middle school, when I had gone into this new school and I got cut from the soccer team, uh I was the new kid and didn't have any friends, and Noah was my first friend.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Noah was the first person who was openly loving and caring uh to accept my humanity in a sense and acknowledge the fact that I was a human being.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I always hold and always held while he was still alive with us uh a special place in my heart for him.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I told myself, you know, I understand that that Noah's is different, um, but I'm never ever going to let that get in the way of the the love and and respect that he needs as another human being.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: And him and I, we would hang out in middle and high school.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh again, it wasn't all the time, but when we would hang out, we would always talk.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: And high school came around.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we went to I went to a Catholic high school.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we went to the same senior year retreat together and really got to know each other a lot better.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I still have a letter that he wrote me hanging on my wall in my room.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um and we would hang out in college.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um when we would come back on breaks, we'd go out and grab a beer and just talk about life and just catch up and just keep each other in the loop.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: We would text each other sporadically, just asking how we were doing.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I always loved seeing his family, they're great people.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so after he had passed, it was very difficult for me.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um not only because he was the first real friend that I'd ever lost, but also I've I felt for his family because it wasn't something that you could control.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it wasn't it wasn't self-inflicted, uh, it wasn't it wasn't a it wasn't because of somebody else, it was just out of the blue.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: And going to his funeral service and being the first person to to say his name um on the on the pew at the in front of the church during the first reading uh was very difficult for me.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's in a it's it's more of a spiritual experience than emotional experience.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm not sure where my faith is at right now, but those moments are what drove me to come up with this idea to give his family something.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know if I I don't want to call it uh a charitable act, because I think that's downplaying it.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I wanted to I wanted to give them power with choice.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to give them just something.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to show them like, hey, like I care about him.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, some people did it.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_00: Some people who bullied him in high school came to his funeral and cried.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought I thought some pretty dark things at that moment.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, um that's heavy.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_00: Having the opportunity to do something crazy uh for somebody who was very animated and high-spirited and always happy, uh, at least with me.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_00: So um it's one of the greatest things I could ever do.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_04: What what was it your first idea then to run for him?
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had always wanted to do a hundred-mile race, and that was influenced by you know those motivators that I talked about, especially, you know, especially Goggins.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_00: I hate saying his name every time, but um guys like that, for sure.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I always wanted to run a hundred-mile race, but you know, I was a little scared to pull the trigger on it.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: And while I was just out running sometimes, I would just start talking to myself about Noah, and I would just start dedicating each small run to him, just to myself.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: I never, you know, I never posted about it, obviously.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually it just turned into one day impulsefully going into my car because I didn't want my roommates to hear me, because I didn't want them to think I was you know going crazy.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, going into my car, calling his brothers, uh, and just tossing the idea, pitching it to him.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a complete success.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they were all on board.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: I started talking with their dad uh about how we can get things going with building a foundation.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when I talked about giving them power, uh that's what I mean by that is they ended up developing their own private foundation for for Noah so they could have the complete control that they wanted over where these where the where the funds went.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the best part of it all, man.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't like 100 miles, whatever, dude.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's just 24 hours.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like the fact that I had the opportunity to impact them and do it again, because I'm planning on doing it again this next summer, but I want to make it more of a community aspect.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, using that, using my previous experiences and turning it into a positive driver for more people than just one is the best thing I could ever possibly think of when it comes to spending my time on this planet.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's wonderful, man.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_04: And good for you.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_04: Congratulations on doing something so turn well, turning something that is inherently such a heavy negative experience in finding a way to thread some sort of positivity into it.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_04: Not only thread positivity into it, but succeed in doing that and bringing the people who were most negatively impacted by the situation, obviously is his family.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_04: And like you said, you know, Noah was taken from them from a circumstance that was completely out of their control.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_04: And through this foundation and this fund, you actually gave them some semblance of control over uh his his legacy, I guess.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's the thing about the the fund, here's the awesome thing is they were able to be so specific with where the money goes.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_00: So they the fund is was developed to help individuals with Asperger's uh attend the same college that he attended, which was Eastern Carolina University, to study the um major that he was studying, which was engineering.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it was it was such yeah, it's such a such a um such a great way to to really impact somebody else who will probably be a lot like how Noah was.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, I love that.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's a pretty cool place to to wrap this conversation up because I think it touches on a lot of different aspects of what we've been talking about.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_04: Of the the word acceptance keeps coming back to me because, you know, with Noah, you say he was your first friend that really accepted you in this stage of life.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and it was a relationship that was kind of overcome by the idea of acceptance, you know, regardless of where either of you were at in life or or um whatever things were ailing you, uh, there was a an established acceptance and kind of love through that, but also the acceptance that's created through all of the work that you've put in into these uh not just running but into yourself of losing weight, of overcoming kind of struggles that a lot of people can empathize with, right?
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_04: Weight loss is just kind of symbolic of health problems in general, which touches probably on 99% of the population of the world.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_04: Uh United States, yeah, I would agree with that.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_04: But also, you know, uh overcoming a first breakup or overcoming a uh issue with a relationship.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_04: One of the big things with that is likewise at the end of something like that, you are losing a person who you felt liked a lot of things about you.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_04: And so by losing that person, you lose a confidence sometimes in if those things are still worth loving, right?
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_04: If they're still worth you accepting, right?
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_04: And so there's a a big possibility for people after relationships is the idea of losing an acceptance of themselves because they're not sure if they're worthy of that acceptance, right?
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_04: And and then kind of concluding with this idea of understanding that those doubts will always be there, understanding that the possibility you might not accept yourself in the future might be there, the possibility that you're gonna nitpick your weight or your image or your friendships or the way you're perceived or your relationships with significant others, understanding that there will always be doubts in the future regarding all of those subjects, but that you can have the confidence to give it your best shot and try to exert whatever control you have over the situation.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_04: And I think exerting your control isn't necessarily a good way of putting it, but doing everything in your power to try to have the best solution come forward, uh, regardless of the opportunity of failure.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_04: I think it it really all touches on this idea of creating a world where it seems almost pretty to say it, but it's where you accept yourself.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and on that subject, I think since we've talked on so many incredible things that have this kind of thread, I wonder if you look back over this conversation and wonder if there's any one message that that you would take out of it that you would want a listener to to really uh see from this.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_04: A message.
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_00: When I I've started doing this more recently.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um but whenever, whether it be a good day or a bad day, verbally saying out loud in a mirror or by yourself, just saying, I am going to make it ten times, for some reason, makes things a hundred times better.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's super, again, super cliche, super cheesy, but I make Zach do this too.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I bug him about it the past couple days, he'll tell you.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_00: But having the whether or not the circumstance appears to be working in your favor, having that almost inseparable, indestructible attitude of knowing, not not thinking, but knowing and believing that you are going to make it, regardless of the circumstance, of the implications, of the external factors, whether it be your own life or someone that you know, having that awareness and trust with yourself and accept that there's going to be failures along the way, but consistently having that foundational phrase of I am going to make it.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_00: I really hope that's something that one person can take.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, would I would I be able to say one more thing before I hop off?
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_04: Please, we'd love to.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 1:03:07
  SPEAKER_00: So uh one of the aside from the great and optimal and completely gargantuan success of uh Run for Noah, um, of raising you know$18,000 for charity um for the Domkowski Foundation and being able to impact people uh for now in the years to come through community events that we have planned.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to meet uh other people who are actually within you and you and my age group.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh they're they're in their mid-20s and they also have had similar stories, um, whether it be former former alcoholics, um, drug addicts, etc.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they've turned to ultra endurance training as well as a means to better themselves and to find more meaning and acceptance in their life.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_00: And those guys, uh their names are Pato, Mark, Hunter, Andrew, Zach's one of them.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then this kid we call Pebbles is one of them too.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they're great guys, and I just wanted to give them a quick shout because um they're one of the reasons that I keep doing what I'm doing because it gives me that feeling of acceptance again, knowing that I'm not alone out there.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that, man.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_04: At the end of the day, it's really all about the connections you make.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_04: Sweet, dude.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you, Philip.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_04: I want to thank Philip for that all-time conversation.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_04: If you enjoyed it, I would love if you shared it with someone you think might also appreciate it.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_04: Likewise, you might check out episode 33 with Zach Smith, who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail and was mentioned several times in this chat.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_04: If it wasn't clear, I love the overlying theme of acceptance that was woven into this conversation.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_03: Philip has faced and is overcoming strong physical and mental barriers that so many of us have, whether it's body image or the worth you associate in yourself from the views of others.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's daunting to realize that those doubts will exist for as long as you live.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_03: But knowing that, understanding that doubt will always be there in some form or fashion, waiting to creep in and overcome you, you have the awareness to be ready for the next time it does.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_04: You know your own negative habits.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_04: Whether you use food, TV, or maybe other people for comfort.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_04: You know the times that you doubt yourself.
• 1:05:34
  SPEAKER_04: And by knowing that, you can prepare for it.
• 1:05:37
  SPEAKER_04: It makes me think about the self-limiting habits that I have in my own life and the ways I might prevent them from overwhelming me in the future.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe it makes you think about the same thing too.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for listening.
• 1:05:52
  SPEAKER_03: If you liked this episode of seeking authenticity, that's freaking awesome.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_03: All I want to ask of you, the listener, in return for the time and effort I put into making it, is that you take a deep breath.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_03: I mean really breathe.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_03: Breathe so that it stretches out your shoulders and your back and your chest and pushes out your stomach.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_03: No more of these shallow, bullshit breaths.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_03: They're barely keeping you alive, my friend.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_03: And after you exhale, go out and soak up today.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_03: Because in the end, your actions and the way they interact with the world and the people around you right now are all you have in this life.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_03: So be authentic with them.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_03: Peace.