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Episode 57: Holiday Habit Hangover · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, jenna Zint, habit Coach, teacher and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Habit Lab.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I am Jenna Marizant and we're going to call this episode Holiday Hangover, because sometimes you guys know I love Jesus and sometimes I like to be a little cheeky.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So hopefully you're like say what, what's this episode going to be about?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: But the reality is, with habits, there is I don't know if you want to call it reboot or re-engage there's a period after your normal is suspended that it takes like, I would say, on average.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I did an episode this summer about like habits after your vacation, so it's going to be largely the same.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: But the interesting part about the holiday hangover with your habits and all the things is that, unlike vacation or the summer, the whole world is messaging.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: This expectation of like putting your best foot forward and like killing the year and how you started off is indicative of how this year is going to be and it's just like so high stakes when I almost like specifically man at this point I have worked with over 400 people through my habit mastery course and then I do a lot of like one-on-one coaching.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: A lot of people think I'm just a one-on-one habit coach but I would say a lot more of my regular clients are life coaches who walk out like life coaching clients, who walk away with little habits to apply to what they're healing or working on in relationships, if that makes sense.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: But my point is, after working with a ton of people, I could say this is so widespread.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: This is not me making an excuse for me or me trying to make my friend feel better about herself.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: So if you are listening, you're like, oh, she letting me off the hook.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: No, I have worked with so many people that there's this rhythm that happens, especially what I would say January 1st on, and I just want to, I want to call your attention to it.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So if you feel out of sync, if you don't feel like, if you kind of feel like you're stumbling forward, if you feel like you haven't quite caught up, you are normal.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: The rest of the world has not dialed it in, unless there's like some super independently wealthy entrepreneur person who doesn't have children.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe they might be the exception and they might actually be killing it all, but for the rest of us, I just want to debunk this idea that we all are.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: You know it's January, what is it?
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: It's like two weeks into January and we're all thriving and killing it.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: No, I actually just.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: My mom went home last week.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: My kids have officially been back to school for a week and I feel like I'm just getting my head out of the water.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: The reason this episode came was because I finally, after a couple weeks of suspended my time management habits, on Sunday afternoon I plan my schedule.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: It's the first Sunday that I've done it in like two to three weeks, like all of Christmas, and it's on purpose, like I actually don't feel shame about it.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of it.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: When you look in the old Testament how often there was this rhythm of feasts and fast, I actually just think it's such a beautiful balance that the Lord actually put into the Jewish history to like find the rhythm of balance in between.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: So during Christmas, as a habit coach, I actually purposely, intentionally, decide to like quote unquote feast, and a lot of times that's like not unexpected.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I think we do that with like literal food, but this idea of like oh, I actually am letting my normal rhythms be suspended, or my structure, so that I can be present and connected, because that's actually my purpose for the holiday season and I'm not a machine and I'm not interested in getting an A plus with my habits at the sake of not being present when my mom is with us for two weeks or my kids are off school and I get undivided attention with them.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Like, oh no, I actually care more about prioritizing what the priority should be for that season.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, it is super like.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: So I this Sunday sat down and planned my week for the first time and I was like, oh, I remember why this feels so good and I have to be aware, like to not let shame creep back in, because there could be in our society this little voice of like it's you know January 10th, we're behind, like any of that narrative.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: If you're behind like, I actually would like you to look at when your kids went back to school, or your spouse went back to school, or your house guests are gone house guests, vacations or trips, your kids being out of school, and then sickness whether it's your kids or, like you know, anyone's fighting an illness those so majorly have a ripple effect on your habits in a way that I think actually anticipating, like I have almost like a pivot plan, or I have different expectations when any of those things happen for myself than when I'm normal and then when they subside.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: So my mom left, my kids went back to school, my work schedule is normalling out, it is easy.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I actually almost think the voice of shame or condemnation of like we're behind her, how come we don't feel better yet Could be the strongest, maybe like two days after you know kids go back, my mom's gone, I'm working normal life, but the reality is there's actually this catch up from neglect is a negative word, so I'm not I don't want to use that but like the suspension of not maintaining your habits, which was a powerful choice and for purpose, so we don't feel shame about it.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: But the reality is you don't just hop back in and experience almost like thinking of my habits as a well-oiled machine.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I don't get the fruit of them on day two.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: It takes me about 10 days before my my groceries are happening and my cooking and my meal planning and my nighttime rhythms and my morning rhythms and the kids rhythm to school and their bedtime and showering them.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I think that's hilarious, but that always throws me off.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: When we're off vacation I'm like oh yeah, I have to get all these things.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: It's almost like all the puzzle pieces that work and make a peaceful flow in our house and make unity.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And I was at connection.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: That's where connection thrives.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: It takes a while for all the pieces to click back in place.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: It's not just okay, everyone's back.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Why am I not feeling like I used to feel and that's actually so, I'd say like day two or three is sometimes where I feel the temptation to partner with shame or hopelessness of like will I ever get back?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Have I lost it all?
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: So now I have this expectation that that is going to happen and I'm going to silence it and be like nope, I'm just doing the next thing, because I would say that in my past when that would happen.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: You know, like you know, house guest is gone, vacation's done, we're back to work, the kids are back in school, no one's sick.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: You know, like I said day two, I'm like why?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Why am I?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Have I not caught back up my temptation?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: It's almost like choose your path.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: What I used to do is either overproduce and try to, you know, in a 24 hour period like pedal to the metal, get everything back up and running.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: But then realistically, what that would do is that would then burn out because I am a limited like.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I'm a human with limited capacity.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: So I'd either do that or I partner with hopelessness.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: It was so all or nothing, like okay, I'm going to get all my habits back up and running instantly when I feel the most pain from I should have, would have, could have.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: You know, the guests are done the vacation's over.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Why am I not back there?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Or I could like bounce to the other end of the spectrum of nothing and feel hopeless because I'm so behind.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like I knew it was too good to be like this is where it ends.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: That's kind of the fatalistic thinking.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Be like I knew it was too good to be true.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I couldn't keep doing that forever.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Or yeah, I had to come to an end.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: You know like all that kind of, or I'll never catch back up.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to come to an end.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: You know like all that kind of, or I'll never catch back up.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: And so when I feel the temptation to do either of those, I remind myself like hey, actually you're doing a good job.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're going to have to do a few more than normal than what maintenance habits are to catch back up, but let's not do all of them.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: There's actually no rush.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: You're not proving anything to anyone.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: You're not a better wife.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're not a better mom.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I said all because I felt emotional when I said that to myself.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like oh, sometimes when I look around the house and the Christmas toys haven't quite found their new place, or we currently have a broken washing machine and a few friends have helped us out and it's been so sweet, but we have a pile of bedding that I don't know quite what to do with, because it would take $10 to $12 to do it at a laundromat and isn't a priority, but I don't know where else to place it.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: So when I look around the house, I can have this temptation to take an identity statement out of what I see not quite in maintenance.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: You know, or the behind, or I'm failing, or I can remind myself instead of like almost.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: At this point I feel like I don't.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like nope, we're not going to waste time with those thoughts.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: What's the next thing you can do?
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Like kindness is to not do the all or nothing.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, you finished the normal, what's two more five to 10 minute things you could do to just eat an elephant, like to chunk it out in a sense, that are bite size, that I get a little bit closer to my normal.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: You guys have heard me say it probably a million times, but the goal is just a little bit better.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: And the shocking part, when I don't give into the pressure or the overwhelm of feeling like I have to do it all because I have to not lose it or I'm going to do nothing because what's the point when I just chunk it out and do it like honestly, I probably go for like three to four extras a day, but again five to 10 minutes.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: So like I'm just going to.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I just cleaned off the piano today.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I was like well, there's some extra greenery from Christmas that didn't get quite clean up and oh my gosh, that's like a whole spider's web and why are these Nerf darts in my plant there?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: But I'm like what's just one five to 10 minute more task?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I apologize, I do like I said, I do three of them, but I just like what's the next thing?
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: And I keep it really small and, if I can trust the process, like almost don't let my anxiousness or overwhelm tell me how to show up and I just do a few more things, like clockwork.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: You know, 10 days after I get back, everything's normal.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, see, and I really, when I get back to like, oh yeah, everything's again I'm going to say it so honestly time and time again my house is not perfect.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I things Again I'm going to say it so honestly time and time again my house is not perfect.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not type A.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: My goal for my house is about 70% clean, because I don't want to maintain like, have my level of excellence with my house hurt my connection with my kids, my creativity or what I'm giving my energy to.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And you know, if you have, if you've ever lived with a small child, you would literally could follow behind them the whole day and spend, you know, all your waking hours tidying and I'm like, oh, that's actually not what I want to be known Like, that's not the legacy I want to live.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: So I shoot for 70% anyways.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: But when I like I'm saying 10, 10 days to 14 days after everything's back up, I look around, I'm like, oh yeah, see, it does work, and I actually kind of take stock of it, which sounds silly, but if we don't notice, a lot of times we're more aware of the overwhelm and then it's almost like we highlight that in our brain.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: So when it works, when little bits of better and offensively small habits action, you know work I actually try really to sit and notice so that I feel like I'm highlighted, I'm in my brain, I'm highlighting the win and that this works enough that the next time I feel the temptation after a kiddo gets sick or we're on Christmas, I'm sorry, spring break, or we're out for the summer or we host another family member when they leave be like okay.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: At day three or two, when I'm like, how come we're not back?
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Is this every you know?
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Like it's never going to happen, I can self-soothe and be like, hey, remember how we thought this after Christmas.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: What if you just chunk it out and a few more things?
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: What's the next thing you could do?
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: What if you don't let it be an identity statement or let hopelessness creep in?
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Remember how you always get back there.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: So whoever needs to hear it, I just want to remind you that the idea that we all started over and had our rhythms after Christmas on January 1st, or sometimes we're kind, you know.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I think, like the ideas I saw so many, so much messaging on social media now like new year, new you like, canceling that concept, which I'm all for.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: But I think there's still this idea of like, oh, we'll give ourselves grace until like January 6th or something.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So I want to be the one who's, two weeks into January, saying I am just starting to get my head above the water, but I'm not going to let it become an identity statement or shame or hopelessness.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Tell me, you know, waste any energy there.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: And I would say, though, one of my starting places that I always start with is my time management habits, which would be my week Sunday afternoon, weekly planning, and then also my daily plan in the morning that I do with my little morning routine.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: That actually my time.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: People ask me for my time management habits, and that's actually in my mini, my little mini course.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: It's called the habit reboot.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I'll put the link in the show notes.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: It's like $27.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: It's pretty like small.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: It's like one intro video and then three other videos, but it really just walks you through planning your season, your month, your week and your day, because a lot of us just actually need containers for what we have on our plate, rather than totally reinventing the wheel with our habits.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Like you probably have some decent habits or have had at some point and just taking a bit of intentionality, a few hours to do the course and to like make the pieces fit again.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, that's what I would say that whenever I'm trying to re-engage my habits after a vacation, a holiday, hosting someone or sickness, I start with my time management habits, because then it like gives me a plan with how I'm going to work my way back to maintenance with my habits.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I hope that's helpful with you navigating the holiday hangover.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I hope that debunks this idea that everyone else has it figured out.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Or you know, we did by January 6.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: We do not, you guys.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And finally, this week I did my Sunday planning, I did my meal prep and we did our laundry and I was like I'm starting to feel human again and it's cool because I actually would say that, not out of a judgment spot that maybe I would have in years past, but out of a oh, I miss the fruit and the peace of these habits, like I actually miss the benefit of these habits.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not motivated by should have, would have or I'm a better mom.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I just miss how my life flows and I actually get to be present for the slow Saturday morning, or there's no chaos or extra chaos how about that?
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: And the rush to get out the door to school for the kids because we did what we're supposed to the night before and I just get to like dance with them instead of be sharp about where their math homework ended up, you know.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: So I miss the fruit of my habits and I'm excited to slowly continue to roll them back up until we're back to normal.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I hope you guys have a great week and oh, if you're still looking to do the Bible habit, I'd love to have you.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: It's been so fun and beautiful and so much life.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I think the difference is it's community.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: With the Bible reading plan, I wasn't quite sure how to say it, but I think it's the community piece.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: My mom, my mother-in-law, is doing it.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Lots of my true friends, in addition to you guys who listen, have jumped on and it feels like, yeah, it feels like being a piece of some, being a part of something, rather than solo learning or reading on my own every morning.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: So, okay, I hope you have a great day.