Latest / Daily Influence / 709. It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: Reframing What’s Really Holding You Back

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709. It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: Reframing What’s Really Holding You Back · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Daily Influence, your daily dose of positive influence.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm Brian Smith founder of IA Business Advisors and co-author of the Iain team series.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each day we share stories and insights to help you find be and build your influence in a positive and responsible way.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm Greg Kleeneau, partner at IA Business Advisors, and co-host of Daily Influence.
• 0:32
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• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And make us part of your daily routine, whether it's during your commute, on a walk, or an quiet moment just for you, because you're influenced matters.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Daily Influence, I'm Greg Kleeneau.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Today's guest brings an important perspective to a topic that so many people are talking about right now.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Burnout.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what if many people call burnout is actually something deeper?
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Laura Cheeto is an author, TEDx speaker, leadership wellness coach, and a recognized expert in burnout and betrayal recovery.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: A former attorney, Laura now helps professionals and organizations move beyond simply managing symptoms of stress and instead uncover the deeper root causes that can affect trust, identity, and engagement in our work lives.
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: She is the creator of the fuel-up burnout recovery method.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Host of the podcast font, create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal, and the author of the book.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not burnout.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's betrayal.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Five tools to fuel up and thrive.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Today, we're going to explore the difference between burnout and betrayal trauma.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why so many people feel destabilized right now and how reclaiming our sense of purpose and personal responsibility can help us move forward with greater clarity and influence.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Laura, welcome to daily influence.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you so much for having me.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: To begin, can you share a bit about your background and what led you to the work you're doing today, helping people understand burnout and betrayal is trauma?
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'd love to.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was a former corporate attorney.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I practiced law for about 10 years before I burned out.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you know, this was in the early 2000s.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: So there was not as much talk, not as much conversation about what burnout might be and what are the remedies.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I hit this point where I simply could not work full time, take care of two kids, 22 months apart, under age three, manage my aging grandparents and deal with myself and my life.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: And the fact that my husband was working out of state half time.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I imploded.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: I absolutely imploded and I felt like a failure.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: I felt like I was doing it all wrong.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: I felt like the world had betrayed me and I walked away.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: But as soon as I walked away, I also had a lot of regrets that I had walked away.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Your story highlights how personal experiences can shape the way we influence others, and the work we choose to pursue.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Many people are talking about burnout today, but you offer a different perspective.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Can you explain the difference between traditional burnout and what you describe is betrayal trauma and why understanding the distinction really matters?
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, burnout is described by the World Health Organization as occupational stress that has not been successfully managed.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: So burnout is stress, stress that you haven't managed.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if you look at betrayal trauma, betrayal is described as the breaking of an expectation that you have relied on that ruptures you review of yourself or your view of the world.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And although the symptoms of burnout and betrayal are very similar, the remedies are different, and that's why it matters.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: That distinction really refrains how people might understand their own experiences.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: In our IN team book series, we talk a lot about responsible influence and personal responsibility and leadership and relationships.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: When someone experiences betrayal trauma, whether in a workplace and institution or relationship, how does that impact their sense of trust, identity and ability to influence others positively?
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, it's such a huge impact because like I was sharing earlier when this happened to me, I felt like I was stupid.
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I felt like I was wrong.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: I felt like I was not good enough.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: And when you feel like I am a failure, I can't do anything right.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why am I trying?
• 4:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Your ability to influence people is no because why would I influence people?
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: Obviously, I can't even figure it out for myself.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and yet even in those difficult moments influence can still be powerful, can you tell us about a moment of experience where you've thought you truly made a positive impact on someone's life, especially helping them move through from burnout or betrayal towards clarity and healing.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, one woman in particular kept hopping jobs.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: She kept thinking, I'll find the perfect fit.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'll find the perfect fit.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'll find the perfect fit.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it wasn't until she started having that reframe.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not burnout.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not work-life balance.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's my expectations.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's me.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: I have to shift myself.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: I have to create my own boundaries.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Once she made that shift, then she was able to stay in a career and become happy and healthy for the long haul.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And those moments of transformation can be incredibly powerful.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, if our listeners who might be questioning their own experience, how can someone begin to recognize whether they're experiencing burnout, be trail trauma, or perhaps a combination of both?
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know, usually there's elements of both.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: First of all, ask yourself, what did I expect out of my career?
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: what did I expect the world to do for me?
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: And if you have that sense of, this is not how I thought things would turn out.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is not what I signed up for.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's a clue that is probably a sense of betrayal.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: Whereas if you're like, I can't regulate myself.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't stay calm.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't get all this work done.
• 6:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's too much.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then that's probably more burnout.
• 6:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And once someone recognizes what's
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: that's the key.
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Here's what I want to say.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: There are many things out there to do about it.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's all their traditional remedies for burnout, mindfulness, meditation, movement, connecting with nature, getting support.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I think one of the most powerful things we can do is start questioning ourselves.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: What am I feeling and then what can I do to fix this?
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And once we start self-reflecting, that's when we can really start moving forward.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: You develop the fuel-up method as a way to help people move forward.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Can you walk us through the key principles behind that framework and how it empowers individuals to reclaim their energy, expectations, and sense of direction?
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I'd love to.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: The F and fuel-up stands for Find Your Why.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that's just what it is returning to.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why did you choose this career in the first place?
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: the you is for uncovering what's really going on.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is it burnout?
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is it betrayal?
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is it lack of skills?
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: What is it?
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: The E in fuel up is expectation management.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that's just what we were talking about before.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: What am I expecting from myself, from my career, from my boss, from my coworkers?
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: L stands for Learn to Laugh.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: Laughter is the number one way to call and re-regulate the nervous system.
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: And when we're dysregulated, there is no moving forward anyway.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: So stay calm and the up in fuel up stands for unbroken promises.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: How can you make and keep promises to yourself?
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you don't end up betraying yourself.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: that is actually, you know, your work really encourages people to reclaim agency in their own story.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and that's exactly what it's all about.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you could go back and offer advice here, younger self, what would you share and how might that guidance help others who are early on their journey today?
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, early on, I really expected a lot of validation, coming from school where you get the grades, where you win awards.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: I fully expected that in my professional and in my personal life, I would continue to be seen and recognize and validated.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think I would tell myself, you have to start learning to do that internally.
• 8:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: You have to value yourself because recognition and awards,
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, easier said than done for sure, and you advice on how to do that.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think to start small, start small.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: How can you create a moment of joy for yourself?
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: How can you create a moment of joy for somebody else?
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: What can you say that will show compassion or grace to yourself or others?
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: We are again so used to all these big, glorious things in these expectations,
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's great advice and Laura, before we close, what message or words have encouraged me?
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Would you like to share with our listeners who aspire to make a positive difference in the world, even when they're navigating uncertainty, burnout or broken expectations?
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I think my biggest thing that I'd like to share is our darkest nights of the soul often become our most glorious moments of teaching.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: I've navigated some pretty tough things and my those have become my strengths.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: So whatever it is you're dealing with, it's not like making lemonade in the moment.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: Don't bypass it, but realize there's there's some gold in here.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's a gift and later on you'll be able to share that.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is great advice, Laura.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for sharing your insights and your work with us today.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Your perspective reminds us that sometimes what looks like exhaustion on the surface may actually be something deeper and that understanding the root cause can open the door to real transformation.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, thank you for having me.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: If our listeners want to get in touch with you, what's the best way to do so?
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Workplace, hyphen burnout is my website and you can also just email me, Laura atlorachetel.com.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Great.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Laura, we'll put that information in the show notes.
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for joining us and sharing your stories and advice.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so grateful for you and the positive influence that you're having.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And to our listeners, thank you for tuning in to daily influence.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope today's conversation brought you insight and inspiration.
• 10:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: If it's spoke to you, share it with someone who could use a little positivity today.
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And always remember that influence begins with each of us through the way we take responsibility and for our own growth.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: We support others and show up with intention in our lives and work.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember small actions create big impact, keep showing up, leading and growing one day to time.
• 11:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Until next time, say inspired and keep having a positive or responsible influence.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Bye-bye.