Latest / Mommywood / Actor, Model, and all about starting a new career as Director - Aylya Marzolf

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Actor, Model, and all about starting a new career as Director - Aylya Marzolf · Mommywood

• 0:07
  Hey, I'm your host, Emily Bolt. I'm an actor, teacher, and a new
• 0:12
  mom. Once I became pregnant, I went
• 0:15
  on a hunt for answers to all my questions about being a working
• 0:19
  actor mom. And what did I find?
• 0:22
  Practically nothing. So here I am, asking all the
• 0:25
  questions to try to figure out how people do it.
• 0:28
  How are mothers balancing and not balancing parenthood in this
• 0:33
  crazy industry? Join me and my amazing guest as
• 0:37
  we take a real look into the lives of working moms in the
• 0:41
  entertainment industry on this episode of Mommywood.
• 0:46
  I'm talking with Aaliyah, Marzov and.
• 0:49
  First of all, let me tell you that this episode listening back
• 0:52
  definitely confirms that Mom Brain is very, very real.
• 0:57
  Because I said one thing but was completely in my brain talking
• 1:02
  about something else. So we thought we were talking
• 1:05
  about the same thing, but we weren't.
• 1:08
  Oh man, it. I mean, it's pretty funny, but I
• 1:13
  hate that Mom Brain is a real thing because, you know.
• 1:19
  But as moms, we have so much going on in our heads it's hard
• 1:24
  to keep everything straight. That's why I feel like, you
• 1:26
  know, lists and writing things down is very important.
• 1:33
  I Leah talks about how, you know it is important to schedule
• 1:39
  things and make sure this isn't and that and everything is.
• 1:44
  You know, on the right track. Anyway, I feel like I'm having
• 1:47
  Mom brain right now because I can't form a sentence.
• 1:51
  Anyway, this episode with Ailia is so great.
• 1:55
  She is an actor, she's a model. She is a director.
• 2:01
  She did her first directorial debut this year, which is very
• 2:06
  exciting, and I can't wait to see what she's been working on.
• 2:10
  It was interesting that she feels like she was talking about
• 2:13
  how she feels like she would. Hit a wall of fear about being a
• 2:17
  director. Like who do I think I am, which
• 2:20
  I feel like actors always have. It's that imposter syndrome.
• 2:25
  I think we've faced that both as artists and as moms, where you
• 2:32
  know. It's it's imposterous syndrome.
• 2:35
  You know what? Who do we think we are?
• 2:37
  Why are we making these decisions?
• 2:39
  And all of all of that stuff? She talks about how it made her
• 2:46
  feel really good that she was able to show her son that you
• 2:51
  can do anything you want to do. And I think that's one of the
• 2:55
  most important things to realize as.
• 2:59
  An artist, as an actor who has children, that we're showing our
• 3:06
  kids that perseverance, that dedication, that hard work can
• 3:17
  pay off. And hopefully it does and that
• 3:20
  we can do anything we've put our minds to.
• 3:24
  So I try and remember that myself.
• 3:28
  So it was nice to hear Alia talk about how to like was able to
• 3:36
  be, Oh my gosh. Was able to show her son that.
• 3:39
  I told you, Mom brain. Oh my gosh.
• 3:41
  I'm also on vacation right now with my family, so my brain is
• 3:46
  all over the place, but I am so excited to share this episode.
• 3:52
  It was so great to talk to Aaliyah and finally realize
• 3:56
  remember where we've met each other from?
• 3:58
  It was Michael Wilson Studios, which is where we both took
• 4:03
  class and I'm so glad. I met her and I'm so glad that I
• 4:09
  got to talk with her again and catch up.
• 4:12
  And I really hope you enjoy this episode with Alia.
• 4:17
  Marsal, your son is so beautiful.
• 4:23
  Thank you. His hair is beautiful.
• 4:27
  I mean, he's just looks like a sweet little Angel, but he's.
• 4:32
  Not a baby. How old is he and what's his
• 4:35
  name? Cassius Cassius will be 10 in
• 4:40
  November, so he is 9 years old and so like he comes up to like
• 4:45
  hear on me. Wow.
• 4:48
  He's like a grown man. It's.
• 4:53
  Look, they tell you that it goes fast.
• 4:55
  But let me tell you, that is like an understatement.
• 4:57
  There's just like, not a word for how fast kids grow up in
• 5:00
  front of your eyeballs. Like there's not a sufficient
• 5:04
  description. Yeah, it's.
• 5:06
  Like, I feel like he was just a little bit.
• 5:08
  I was even looking at pictures of like, when we moved.
• 5:10
  We've lived here for about almost five years and I'm like
• 5:15
  looking at pictures of when we moved in here he was just like
• 5:17
  this little nugget. And now he's like tall and
• 5:19
  grown. He made breakfast on Saturday,
• 5:21
  like. I was like pancakes.
• 5:24
  He's like, can I make them? I'm like, yeah, sure.
• 5:26
  I'll go do other stuff like he'll pack his own lunch
• 5:30
  sometimes like, yeah, he's he doesn't need me like he came
• 5:36
  home. What do you do for?
• 5:38
  Other things? Maybe he's.
• 5:40
  Right. To drive him places and pay for
• 5:42
  things. Like he came home one day and I
• 5:45
  was like, OK, so like, we're going to do this thing.
• 5:47
  And he was like, oh, mom, I can't.
• 5:51
  I was like, why can't you? He's like, oh, I have plans.
• 5:55
  I said you have plans. What plans are these?
• 6:00
  No, I was going to do this and that, and I was like.
• 6:04
  You may OK plans OK also. It's too busy for me, it's.
• 6:10
  Fine. It's also hard to imagine
• 6:14
  because besides, I know it goes so fast.
• 6:17
  And I even I mean. I'm still new in it, but but I
• 6:23
  think back to when may even just like in her jumper, where like I
• 6:29
  was like the idea that her feet will ever touch the bottom of
• 6:33
  this seems insane. She'll have to grow like it'll
• 6:37
  be 7 years before her legs are that long.
• 6:40
  And then it's like happens and you're like, wait, what?
• 6:44
  How did? Yeah.
• 6:46
  So it's funny, like looking ahead to things and thinking
• 6:49
  like, Oh my God, like, what is she?
• 6:52
  She's gonna talk at some point. That's gonna happen.
• 6:57
  And it's gonna, I know she's all there.
• 7:01
  Love you one day I. Know that's my job.
• 7:06
  You know, I took him to soccer camp last summer and 2nd day he
• 7:10
  was like mom. Can you please not, like, kiss
• 7:13
  me in front of everyone? And I was like, I'll kiss you in
• 7:17
  the car. I'll kiss you in the car before
• 7:18
  we get out, OK. And I was like, alright.
• 7:24
  And actually yesterday we made an agreement we were on a walk
• 7:26
  and I was like, we hold my hand we don't hold hands anymore.
• 7:29
  And he was like, I'm just I'm not a little kid anymore.
• 7:31
  And we held hands and his arm was still like bent to hold
• 7:34
  mine. And I was like, OK, let's make
• 7:36
  an agreement that once you're tall enough.
• 7:40
  That like your arm is straight and mine is bent.
• 7:42
  Then you don't have to hold my hand anymore.
• 7:45
  He was like. OK, fine mom.
• 7:52
  God, does he. I mean, Speaking of how
• 7:56
  beautiful he is, and since you model, does he do modeling?
• 8:01
  He does some he does not. He's someone who's like, very
• 8:05
  outgoing once he gets comfortable.
• 8:07
  But he's very shy for like the first 5-10 minutes, which does
• 8:11
  not work in an audition scenario.
• 8:13
  He's like opened up by the time we've like got back to the car.
• 8:17
  And I'm like rah, you missed that like 9 minutes ago.
• 8:22
  So we kind of stopped having him audition while at home audition.
• 8:26
  Sometimes we'll do because then I can like make sure that he's
• 8:29
  comfortable and stuff at the at home auditions, But he will and
• 8:32
  he doesn't want to work by himself.
• 8:34
  He's like not he doesn't like have that like acting or
• 8:36
  modeling bug. But if it's like an opportunity
• 8:39
  to spend a day on set with mom and so it's like a mother son
• 8:43
  thing, then he, like loves it because he he loves being on
• 8:46
  set. I fully believe he'll end up
• 8:47
  doing something probably like behind the camera because he
• 8:51
  loves being on a set. He loves Crafty.
• 8:54
  He like, I just got a short film and he was like wanted to skip
• 8:58
  soccer practice so he could be a PA like or no sorry, not soccer
• 9:01
  practice, soccer game. Which, like, it's a big deal,
• 9:05
  right? Like, like, he is all about his
• 9:07
  soccer. He was like, I wish I could just
• 9:09
  skip soccer so I could come and like, help you set up crafty and
• 9:12
  like be your PA like sweet. So, so the other nice thing
• 9:18
  though about like working with your kid when you're in this is
• 9:20
  like, especially as a mom, I feel like most of the pictures
• 9:23
  we get with our children are like selfies, right?
• 9:26
  Like there's plenty of really cute pictures of like them with
• 9:28
  their dads, like, because we're taking them.
• 9:32
  And so it's so nice to like. I mean, I'm not dressed like
• 9:36
  myself in most of these pictures, but like, and we
• 9:38
  randomly will have different dads in the photos.
• 9:40
  But but you know, there's like great pictures of me and him
• 9:44
  together and I'm like, oh, this is so nice like.
• 9:48
  Oh, that is. That you know.
• 9:51
  Yeah. Well, and obviously you're in LA
• 9:55
  now. Where are you from?
• 9:57
  Originally And how long have you been in LA?
• 10:00
  Originally from Hawaii, but I grew up in Indonesia and Hawaii,
• 10:04
  and then I finished high school in Missouri, so I moved.
• 10:07
  That's where Missouri came from. Yes, yes, that's right.
• 10:11
  So Missouri, I moved here into, I'm gonna age myself.
• 10:17
  I moved here in 2007 when I was like 12, obviously, you know,
• 10:24
  not a grown woman. Yeah.
• 10:28
  No, I so I moved here in 2007. How many years is that?
• 10:32
  Almost 16 years. I know I want to be like 10.
• 10:36
  Let's just say 10. It's 16, but we'll just say 1010
• 10:39
  sounds better. Yeah.
• 10:44
  And did you come out here by by yourself wanting to act and
• 10:51
  model? Was that part something that
• 10:53
  like your family? Was supportive of or.
• 10:59
  I so I grew up in kind of my full life.
• 11:01
  I knew I wanted to be an entertainment, but when I was
• 11:04
  like younger and even like throughout high school and
• 11:06
  stuff, I wanted to sing and dance.
• 11:08
  And I was like, yeah, like acting sounds cool too.
• 11:10
  But like, you know, my my plan was I was going to come out to
• 11:16
  Lai, was going to dance. I was going to like end up going
• 11:18
  on tour and like music videos and making connections in the
• 11:21
  music industry and then like. Shifting to being a singer, like
• 11:25
  using all of those connections and then like you know get
• 11:28
  offers to do movies. That was my plan.
• 11:31
  Obviously fullbroom. But then I came here and started
• 11:35
  dancing like 8 hours a day, you know, at Millennium and and
• 11:39
  Debbie Reynolds and my body was like no.
• 11:43
  And I ended up having two discs in my back that were
• 11:45
  deteriorating faster on one side than the other.
• 11:48
  And also come to find out the music industry is cutthroat and
• 11:53
  difficult and you can't make any money in the music industry.
• 11:55
  You're either like completely broke or like super famous and
• 11:59
  rich. There's like no space in between
• 12:02
  to like just be a normal creative person and like make a
• 12:06
  living. So I had, I had done some
• 12:10
  modeling, worked in a lot of restaurants for a very long time
• 12:15
  and then started like auditioning commercially.
• 12:18
  And taking class to all these different places and then that
• 12:20
  kind of like finally I would start getting theatrical
• 12:22
  editions and that kind of thing. Yeah, Did you?
• 12:28
  Where where were you in your, like career when you found out
• 12:36
  you were pregnant? Obviously you're not with
• 12:40
  Cassius's dad anymore, which sounds like a good thing.
• 12:45
  Seems like you have a much better person in your life right
• 12:48
  now. Which also congratulations,
• 12:51
  you're newly engaged, yes? Yeah, we're getting married in
• 12:56
  like 2 weeks. Exciting.
• 13:01
  It's very exciting. Congratulations.
• 13:03
  Thank. You.
• 13:05
  Yeah. Where were you when you when you
• 13:08
  found out when you were pregnant?
• 13:09
  Was it something also that like? You planned or were you like,
• 13:15
  were you surprised and did you think you were ready?
• 13:18
  Did you? There's like so many questions
• 13:22
  there's. So much that goes into, I'll
• 13:24
  kind of give you like the rundown, like the story of kind
• 13:26
  of like how it happened. So I got, I got married in 2012
• 13:30
  and 1st we were like let's wait a while to have a baby.
• 13:33
  And at the time I've been booking a lot of commercials but
• 13:37
  theatrically like I wasn't even getting many auditions I would
• 13:40
  get like. 4 theatrical auditions a year.
• 13:42
  And looking back, I realized that like the manager that I was
• 13:46
  with, he was just to him, just making money was important.
• 13:49
  So if you were succeeding in one realm, that's where he put his
• 13:52
  effort. So because I was booking so many
• 13:54
  commercials, he didn't really like care about the theatrical
• 13:57
  side, which to me I'm like, no, that's that's what I want to do
• 14:01
  because I don't realize. So afterwards that it was like
• 14:03
  oh, that's because of him. That's not, that's not
• 14:06
  necessarily even a reflection of me like.
• 14:09
  But so at the time, you know, like I didn't really have a
• 14:13
  career, like commercials are not something that you like build
• 14:16
  momentum. It's like it's kind of like a
• 14:18
  one off. You get better at auditioning
• 14:20
  and like understanding what they want in the room and like that
• 14:23
  kind of thing. But it's not like, oh, you
• 14:24
  booked this commercial. So now you're going to book a
• 14:26
  better commercial. Like it's not like that.
• 14:29
  And so we got married in August and so the next year like
• 14:33
  January, we're talking about it. We're like, man.
• 14:36
  Things didn't change that much when we got married.
• 14:38
  And like, actually, like, I think I had three national
• 14:42
  commercials going at this at that time.
• 14:44
  And I was like, this would actually be a really great time
• 14:46
  because like, once my career gets really busy, it'll be hard
• 14:49
  to, like, break that momentum to get pregnant and then take time
• 14:52
  off to have the baby. And like, since I have these
• 14:55
  commercials running, if I'm not working in a restaurant, like,
• 14:57
  it's OK Like, I don't have to stress.
• 14:59
  And so we made a decision, like, let's have a baby.
• 15:03
  And I think also I had a friend. Galadriel Joy and her husband,
• 15:08
  Kevin Joy, They had a child and I had gone to.
• 15:11
  I'd met her in an acting class, at Michael Wilson's acting class
• 15:14
  and. Maybe that was it.
• 15:18
  Maybe. Anyway, continue.
• 15:22
  And they I had like become friends with her and like gone
• 15:26
  to her child's birthday parties and all that.
• 15:28
  And I was like and they were doing it like, you know, she was
• 15:31
  like booking TV shows, booking movies and like how this child.
• 15:36
  And I was like, wow, You like, so many people say that, like,
• 15:39
  once you have a baby, your career is done.
• 15:41
  You're like, you're just a mom. You have to give up your dreams.
• 15:44
  And I was like, you don't. She's doing it like, And.
• 15:49
  And both parents are actors. So I was like, it's not even
• 15:52
  like there's one with a steady job.
• 15:53
  And then, like, the other one is, like, still chasing our
• 15:56
  dream. And I'm like, no, they're both
• 15:57
  doing it. And, like, it's fine.
• 16:01
  So I was kind of like, OK, like, this logically works.
• 16:04
  We have money coming in. Like, you know, like we're
• 16:08
  married. We can do this, like, no
• 16:12
  problem. And so yeah, we decided to try.
• 16:15
  We got pregnant right away. And then like, yeah, I was
• 16:18
  pregnant and had him. And honestly, this, I say to
• 16:22
  some people is like the success in my career.
• 16:25
  Like, I worked in restaurants up until, you know, maybe six or
• 16:30
  seven, six years ago, seven years ago.
• 16:33
  And I mean, my son's 9. Was like I was still working in
• 16:35
  restaurants and like doing well commercially, but not making
• 16:39
  like a full living on being an actor until after my son was
• 16:42
  born. Yeah, You know, see, that's so
• 16:46
  nice to hear. And I feel like we just need
• 16:49
  more examples of that because like you said, where you're.
• 16:54
  There's two sides to that because you know, you can be
• 16:57
  like, well, I don't want to have kids until my career takes off.
• 17:00
  But then like you said, it's like, well, if my career starts
• 17:04
  rolling along, then I'm going to be busy and not be able to.
• 17:09
  So it's like there really is no perfect time, but it is so nice
• 17:15
  to see like you. Finally, we're able to see that
• 17:18
  like personal example of someone, yeah, doing it.
• 17:22
  Cuz it's like, I feel like we hear that all these and like we
• 17:26
  hear that obviously these celebrities have kids and you're
• 17:30
  like, well, like, yeah. And also just I've never had a
• 17:33
  nanny. My mom lives in Los Angeles and
• 17:37
  so. We have an interesting
• 17:39
  relationship, but she has like been helpful and so even now,
• 17:44
  like my fiance's A photographer and it doesn't happen often, but
• 17:47
  sometimes we both have a super early call time and so she will
• 17:50
  take him to school. But it's very like few and far
• 17:52
  between that we actually like have helped.
• 17:55
  But for years I did it as a single mom, like, you know,
• 18:00
  like. For for a long.
• 18:02
  Time. And I think that, like, the
• 18:05
  difference is once you have a kid.
• 18:08
  So much stuff you stressed about before no longer you don't worry
• 18:12
  about it, you're not thinking about it.
• 18:14
  Like. And I do think that like when
• 18:15
  you go to an audition there is something like I teach an on
• 18:19
  camera like self tape camera class like for like acting for
• 18:23
  self tape and zooms. And one of the things they say
• 18:26
  is like give yourself something to look forward to for
• 18:29
  afterwards so that when you're done like.
• 18:32
  You're not sitting there like, stressed about it, thinking
• 18:35
  about it like, oh, what did I do?
• 18:36
  And like, obviously some of that is natural, but if you have
• 18:39
  something exciting to go do afterwards, you're just like,
• 18:42
  here. I'm here, I do my thing,
• 18:43
  amazing. I have to go back to, like, the
• 18:45
  things that really, like, are filling me up right now.
• 18:48
  So thank you so much. I have to go.
• 18:50
  And there's something about that energy that I think is really,
• 18:53
  like, valuable and like, having a kid can almost automatically
• 18:58
  give that to you, you know? And or you're tired and you want
• 19:01
  to go home and lay down. It's like 1 or the other, but
• 19:03
  they both work. Yeah, that's true.
• 19:06
  Wow. How did that?
• 19:08
  How was that experience with you?
• 19:11
  As for you as a single mom working and auditioning and
• 19:19
  having your son, I I have such a hard time even juggling.
• 19:23
  I'm lucky my husband works at home and we're both able to, you
• 19:28
  know? I can take We haven't had to
• 19:30
  have a babysitter, because, you know, who can afford that
• 19:35
  anyway. But.
• 19:36
  But how did that? How did you juggle that?
• 19:41
  Well, this was also before a selftake, so everything was in
• 19:44
  person also. But I will say that like I was
• 19:51
  very lucky that so many audition like casting offices.
• 19:57
  They're actually really understanding.
• 19:59
  And if you have to bring your baby, like the person running
• 20:02
  the session or like, you know, doing the sign in, not like
• 20:04
  running the session behind the camera.
• 20:06
  Or like a lot of times you run into people, you know or just
• 20:08
  like nice people that like you're like, hey, can you just
• 20:11
  like make sure no one steals the stroller and like can you just
• 20:15
  like rock her back and forth? And so many people are like,
• 20:18
  yeah, of course or like, you know, when he was really little.
• 20:23
  Even before my divorce, when he was really little, when he was
• 20:25
  like a baby baby, I would just bring him in a stroller and like
• 20:27
  he could sleep in the room while I take the audition or you know,
• 20:30
  like sit outside in the waiting room and someone would just
• 20:32
  watch him. So that actually made it like
• 20:35
  much easier. Like once you get into routine
• 20:38
  and and having like I started almost just like always having
• 20:42
  the bag packed, having extra stuff in the car so in case they
• 20:45
  didn't have time to like repack the diaper bag like.
• 20:49
  You just try to like, make it as convenient and like smooth as
• 20:52
  possible. Your car might be a mess, or at
• 20:54
  least mine was, but like he's back there.
• 20:57
  I'm gonna have to dig through, but I'll find it you.
• 20:59
  Just need an extra like home in your car.
• 21:03
  Like agents are really understanding, you know, and
• 21:06
  like and so that was part of it. And then once he was preschool
• 21:10
  age, I had him in preschool and he like loved his preschool and
• 21:14
  so he went to preschool four days a week.
• 21:16
  From 8:00 AM so he could stay as late as 5:00 PM and he enjoyed
• 21:20
  that social interaction so much that like if I can pick him up
• 21:24
  early, he would be like annoyed with me.
• 21:27
  I'm playing. Yeah.
• 21:30
  And so it was nice to know that like, if I did have auditions at
• 21:33
  like 3 or 4:00 PM and like I couldn't get there till five,
• 21:37
  that it was fine. He was like happier almost if I.
• 21:41
  If that was the case, you know, so that was also really helpful
• 21:45
  because then I could like drop him off in the morning, get a
• 21:47
  little workout in, eat some breakfast, get ready, go to my
• 21:50
  auditions, finish the auditions and then go pick him up and like
• 21:53
  that was really, really helpful. And then shoot dates, like days
• 21:56
  where I had to shoot where I may not be there in time, having
• 21:59
  like friends in his preschool or a friend that lived close to me
• 22:04
  or something like that that you can have as like a backup plan
• 22:08
  because like. Very rarely are you going to be
• 22:11
  working so much to where whoever is helping you out is going to
• 22:14
  feel taken advantage of or like overly exhausted.
• 22:17
  But if you have a couple of friends who are like willing to
• 22:20
  help out here and there, you know, like it doesn't end up
• 22:23
  being too much. I think I did have a few friends
• 22:25
  that would like babysit, but it would be like, I think I had
• 22:28
  like 4 friends and it was like maybe I'd use them two or three
• 22:32
  times a month, but then that's not even like each one would
• 22:35
  take a shift during the month. You know what I mean?
• 22:37
  Like. It didn't have to be that much.
• 22:38
  So I think so much is like finding support, finding people
• 22:41
  who like also do what we do because they get it, you know,
• 22:44
  they like, they get it. Yeah, and they're friends with
• 22:47
  you. I'm sure they they love Cash is
• 22:50
  enough for it's like. You don't have to pay.
• 22:52
  Me. I want to spend time with them
• 22:53
  anyway. So like that, that definitely
• 22:56
  made it easy or easier and I just think you have to be really
• 23:00
  good at scheduling like. I have to say that I think that
• 23:03
  is the most difficult part. I've never missed an audition.
• 23:05
  I've never missed a job because of being a mom, like, at all.
• 23:11
  It's just you have to schedule and like almost be a little bit
• 23:14
  more efficient, which I think is what moms always are doing
• 23:17
  anyway. But it's like you have to be
• 23:19
  even more so because you have this other whole entity of,
• 23:24
  like, auditions in the industry that's like not going to be as
• 23:27
  flexible for you. Yeah.
• 23:29
  I feel like it's a good fit for very Type A people.
• 23:34
  Me too. I'm I'm like hotter people that
• 23:37
  are, you know, like kind of, I was going to say hot messes, but
• 23:43
  you don't have to be Type A to not be a hot mess, but like, if
• 23:47
  you don't. If you're not a scheduler like.
• 23:52
  Yeah, it's just something that you have adjust to and or have
• 23:54
  like a partner who is a scheduler, you know or or just
• 24:00
  like learn, learn like the capacity that you have for
• 24:03
  scheduling, right. If it's like maybe you schedule
• 24:06
  lots of free time that's unscheduled and then like you
• 24:09
  have just these parts of your days or scheduled or something
• 24:12
  like that. But that definitely like made
• 24:16
  everything just run smoother and made it less stressful and like
• 24:20
  trying to be kind of ready for. Anything, I don't actually feel
• 24:25
  it's interesting because like, while being a mom and especially
• 24:28
  being a single mom is like exhausting and like, there's a
• 24:32
  lot of like a mental and emotional, like work and
• 24:36
  bandwidth that has to be used. I don't know.
• 24:39
  I feel like looking back on it now, had you asked me in the
• 24:43
  middle of it, I might have felt differently, but looking back
• 24:46
  like it really wasn't. Not bad.
• 24:48
  I think about like the years in my early 20s when I, like,
• 24:51
  worked late nights at restaurants and like, stayed out
• 24:54
  all night with my friends and like was constantly social.
• 24:56
  I'm like, I mean, it kind of exerted the same amount of
• 24:59
  energy, just like to more useless things, right?
• 25:03
  You know, Like, very true. Yeah.
• 25:06
  Yeah, so I like, look at myself now and I'm like, man, it was
• 25:09
  all really like worth it and like, not that.
• 25:11
  Hard, yeah, when you. When you decided when you found
• 25:18
  out you were pregnant, was it because do you have?
• 25:23
  Did you also have theatrical, commercial and like a separate
• 25:27
  modeling agent? I just had commercial and
• 25:30
  theatrical and I actually didn't know that there was even like a
• 25:33
  market for pregnant models until I was like 8 months pregnant.
• 25:37
  Yeah, because I was going to ask you if you did.
• 25:41
  Like any maternity stuff. No, I like finally found out.
• 25:46
  So there's like an agency called expecting expecting mothers,
• 25:50
  expectant mothers expecting. I can't remember what it's
• 25:52
  called, but something like that. If you could left, it'll pop up.
• 25:56
  More specifically, pregnant models.
• 25:59
  And so I didn't know until like my 8th month pregnancy.
• 26:02
  And I remember I was like on hold for Old Navy, but like I
• 26:04
  would have had to get on a plane and I was like, ooh, I think I
• 26:07
  might be too pregnant to fly like.
• 26:09
  So I didn't end up doing it, but I was like, man, this would have
• 26:11
  been great to know while I was pregnant.
• 26:13
  And so I have friends who, like, recently had kids and like, they
• 26:17
  worked their whole pregnancies. I have one friend, she's like, I
• 26:19
  worked more pregnant. She's like, like, I wish I was
• 26:23
  still pregnant so much. More Yeah, I hear that a lot.
• 26:28
  That's funny because you're because now you're with natural
• 26:32
  models. Yeah, with natural models.
• 26:34
  Yeah, because I saw because. Another friend we Chanel.
• 26:41
  I don't know if you know her, but she.
• 26:45
  Name's good at faces. Well, she's the, like, maternity
• 26:50
  person for Old Navy now. And I mean, she's never been
• 26:55
  pregnant, but it's so funny because I'll see her and I've
• 26:57
  like, like I bought so many maternity things being like,
• 27:02
  damn, but she's not actually pregnant.
• 27:05
  So she looks. Different than I.
• 27:08
  Do true. True.
• 27:10
  Yeah, very true. Wait a second.
• 27:12
  Yeah. Because I was wondering if it
• 27:16
  would, if it would be different to tell to tell a modeling agent
• 27:22
  that you're pregnant versus. I feel like maybe back then it
• 27:28
  would have been different. I feel like in this day and age
• 27:31
  like there's a market for everything, right?
• 27:34
  And I think especially natural models like.
• 27:36
  They really do, like, represent everything from like plus size
• 27:40
  girls to curves, like people of different ethnicities, people
• 27:43
  with different interesting facial features, to people from
• 27:45
  different ethnicities and backgrounds, different ages,
• 27:48
  like they're women of gorgeous white hair and lots of wrinkles
• 27:50
  that work all the time. So I feel like in this day and
• 27:53
  age like a modeling agency, like will probably be like, amazing.
• 27:59
  I know exactly which clients to pitch you to.
• 28:01
  Fantastic. We've been needing some.
• 28:03
  Yeah. Baby is born.
• 28:05
  We can pitch you both together. How was your pregnancy?
• 28:12
  Were you able to work throughout your pregnancy?
• 28:16
  Was there a lot of like, sickness?
• 28:19
  Were you? I had a really bad morning
• 28:21
  sickness, the first trimester, like really bad morning sickness
• 28:25
  and debilitating headaches. So I didn't work much.
• 28:28
  I auditioned pretty much until I remember specifically there was
• 28:31
  one job. That I got put on hold for.
• 28:36
  But I shot 4 weeks like in the future and I remember talking to
• 28:42
  my agent and being like Jamie, I'm not going to look like this
• 28:46
  in four weeks. What are we going to do?
• 28:52
  And so obviously we like decline that job.
• 28:54
  And I was like I don't want to spend the time like getting
• 28:57
  ready and driving around LA to audition for jobs if like I
• 29:00
  can't actually take them. Like, I already just feel
• 29:03
  terrible and just want to lay in bed anyway.
• 29:05
  So when that happened, we were like, OK, I'm going to stop
• 29:07
  auditioning. And then I did a really stupid
• 29:09
  thing and chopped my hair off because long round hair has
• 29:13
  always been like my look and like my headshots and like all
• 29:15
  of that. So like I never wanted to change
• 29:17
  it drastically for like auditions and work.
• 29:19
  And I was like, oh, so if I'm not auditioning, I'll switch it
• 29:21
  up. I look terrible with short hair.
• 29:25
  Let me tell you all if you if you get pregnant.
• 29:28
  Do not take that as a time to do something that you don't know if
• 29:32
  you're going to look beautiful because you're going to gain
• 29:34
  weight and things are going to look different and you're not
• 29:38
  going to like it probably. Yeah, like there's a reason I
• 29:42
  hadn't chopped my hair, but. Like, Oh my God, it was.
• 29:46
  And then on top of that, like my hair wasn't like, all nice and
• 29:50
  because I was pregnant and so my hair was thicker.
• 29:53
  Yeah. It's like, Oh my, I I felt.
• 29:59
  It was not cute. I was like Lord Farquack without
• 30:01
  the bangs because I gained weight in my face and like I
• 30:07
  looked young. So then I just look like this.
• 30:11
  Like I look like a like the way high school students used to
• 30:14
  look. Now they look like, I don't
• 30:17
  know, like they work in the fashion industry or something,
• 30:18
  but like. I look like a child, like a
• 30:21
  pregnant child with like a terrible haircut that my mom had
• 30:24
  done or something. And not because it was about a
• 30:26
  haircut, just because like, I don't know how to do it and I
• 30:28
  don't look good with short hair and that.
• 30:32
  Is so funny. Don't change your look when
• 30:36
  you're pregnant, not the. Fair warnings well the but I
• 30:43
  guess you were still you said you were still like serving
• 30:48
  though. So when when I got actually,
• 30:51
  this actually worked out kind of in my favor because I don't know
• 30:54
  that I would have been able to continue working in a restaurant
• 30:57
  because of just like I didn't feel good and I hated it.
• 30:59
  Also hated it, but I would actually.
• 31:02
  I was working at Dillon's which was like an Irish like pub on on
• 31:07
  Hollywood and Vine and so I was working there and just I
• 31:11
  remember I was like. Had just started showing to
• 31:15
  where, like, if you didn't know me, I could have just, that
• 31:17
  could just be what I look like. But if you knew me, you would
• 31:19
  like, yeah, like in a place where like, no one would
• 31:24
  probably say something because that would be rude.
• 31:27
  And I remember I showed up to Dylan's on a Saturday to start
• 31:30
  my shift and everything was locked and basically the
• 31:34
  restaurant had shut down and I was like, well.
• 31:39
  Having a cuss, you having a cuss already.
• 31:40
  I cuss a lot sometimes I was like, I'm like, who is going to
• 31:45
  hire me? I'm pregnant.
• 31:47
  Who is going to? Absolutely not.
• 31:49
  And I remember being like, man, I'm going to be pregnant.
• 31:52
  Working at this like Irish pub and in the schoolgirl outfit,
• 31:55
  people are going to tip me so well to be great and then post
• 32:00
  and I was like, no one else is going to hire me like.
• 32:04
  I'm like sick all the time. Like I like, want to vomit all
• 32:07
  day. I'm like starting to get fat and
• 32:09
  like, my belly is starting to show.
• 32:12
  And so I was just, at first, I was really like kind of scared
• 32:15
  and like, Oh my God, what are we going to do?
• 32:18
  What did? You kind of embraced like, well,
• 32:20
  I guess I'm just not going to work during this time.
• 32:23
  Yeah, it's great. Yeah.
• 32:26
  I assume you just had. Enough saved up.
• 32:30
  Yeah, I have been saved up and and I'm pretty good with money
• 32:32
  and budgeting and and all that, which if you're in this industry
• 32:35
  you have to be, you know. But I was like especially good
• 32:39
  at it and I cook at home a lot and like that kind of stuff.
• 32:41
  So I was just like mindful of it.
• 32:43
  And then also I have those commercials running.
• 32:45
  So like I remember taking like a little.
• 32:48
  Maybe Moon to Hawaii to visit family and like my sisters came
• 32:51
  out and it was like a wonderful trip.
• 32:52
  But I like spent a little more money than I had planned because
• 32:55
  I ate a lot more than I had planned.
• 32:58
  When you're used to, yeah, I remember.
• 33:01
  Coming back and being like, oh, like did I just screw us over
• 33:04
  like a little bit? And then like a bunch of
• 33:06
  residual checks came in and I was like, Oh yeah.
• 33:10
  We're good, we're good. But no things find a way.
• 33:15
  We really. Do they really do?
• 33:18
  So then, how was it? Did you?
• 33:20
  How much time did you take afterwards?
• 33:23
  Did you did you plan a certain amount of time to take off after
• 33:29
  Cassius was born? Or were you just like, let's see
• 33:34
  how I feel, see what happens. Yeah, it was kind of more that I
• 33:36
  was like, let's like see how it happens.
• 33:38
  I think theatrically also because I didn't get many
• 33:41
  auditions. I was kind of like, yeah, like
• 33:43
  I'll audition like semi auditions, you know, whatever.
• 33:48
  I actually remember after I had my son, that manager that I was
• 33:50
  telling you who I was still with my first audition back again.
• 33:55
  I was 26 years old and had a baby and my first audition back
• 34:00
  he sent me to audition for a role of a 16 year old on a
• 34:02
  Nickelodeon show. And I remember going into the
• 34:05
  waiting room and being there with a bunch of 16 year olds and
• 34:07
  their parents and being like I need representation.
• 34:13
  Yeah, like what's happening? Like, I look young, but I don't
• 34:16
  look 16 and not 16 on Nickelodeon either.
• 34:20
  Yeah, maybe 16 on CW, but like, not.
• 34:23
  Yeah, I was just. Like I have more in common with
• 34:25
  the parents than the actual people I'm auditioning against
• 34:28
  this is And so that like got me to I I dropped him as my as my
• 34:33
  manager and theatrical representation and then like
• 34:36
  found new ones and I actually got my first job back.
• 34:38
  I think 3 months postpartum I booked hit the floor.
• 34:43
  And which actually I forget where it shot, but it was like a
• 34:45
  drive. So I had like a hotel.
• 34:47
  And so my at the time, husband and son came with me and I
• 34:50
  pumped on set. And then like you know,
• 34:52
  breastfed before, breastfed after pumped while I was on set
• 34:56
  was still very selfconscious about my body.
• 34:59
  Like, you know, because it takes a while for it all to go back
• 35:04
  and I was like a hot club girl in it.
• 35:07
  So I was like like in a dress and like.
• 35:11
  Oh my gosh. I can't imagine.
• 35:12
  Yeah. Was it.
• 35:14
  I mean was it harder for you. I mean you're you're a thin a
• 35:23
  thin thin person. But was as someone who does not
• 35:29
  go out for any like pretty or like club any like, I don't
• 35:36
  think I don't have to worry about really my.
• 35:40
  Costuming when it comes to sizes, was it?
• 35:44
  But I still had have the stress of like, oh like feeling
• 35:50
  comfortable. No, 100%.
• 35:52
  How was that emotionally as well as physically for you to like?
• 35:59
  It was definitely difficult because also like, while I am
• 36:02
  like in general a slender person, I'm also not someone who
• 36:05
  is just like naturally lean. Like I've obviously I've never
• 36:10
  been like plus size. I've always had like a small
• 36:13
  size, but I've always been like kind of skinny fat.
• 36:16
  Like I most of my life I've not had abs like.
• 36:19
  And I've I've like dieted and exercised and many times
• 36:22
  unhealthfully. When I was younger, like because
• 36:26
  like I felt like I needed to fit in that.
• 36:28
  I'm also 55 and like as a model that's like extremely short.
• 36:31
  So I was like, oh, I have to be skinnier than them And so like
• 36:35
  for me like. I've not naturally liked that.
• 36:38
  Like, I got a little, you know, there's a little there, like,
• 36:41
  naturally. And so it was very interesting
• 36:46
  once I stopped auditioning while I was pregnant.
• 36:48
  I was like, ooh, I don't have to diet.
• 36:50
  Like, I don't have to pay attention.
• 36:51
  I don't have to work out. And so I gained far too much
• 36:54
  weight. Like, I had a doctor tell me I
• 36:56
  should cut out carbs and walk an hour a day as a pregnant lady
• 37:01
  because I did a. Second opinion on that Doctor
• 37:03
  but. They say, they say that like, a
• 37:05
  healthy weight gain during a pregnancy is like 25 to 35
• 37:08
  pounds. Right.
• 37:09
  And I had gained 36 pounds at 30 weeks.
• 37:12
  And they also say that, like, you know, your baby gains a lot
• 37:15
  of weight at the very end. And I was like, she was like,
• 37:17
  oh, so you OKOK? And.
• 37:24
  You know, I ended up gaining 52 pounds, which when I was young,
• 37:28
  before I got pregnant, I weighed £105.00 so I gained half of my
• 37:32
  body weight. So it's not even about like the
• 37:35
  number per se, but just like I added a third of myself, like.
• 37:41
  Wow. Yeah, I imagine you were not
• 37:44
  physically comfortable then. Which?
• 37:45
  It was so on top. I mean, my thighs went from a
• 37:49
  size 0 to a size 9. Yeah.
• 37:52
  And so, like, after having him was very difficult, like while I
• 37:57
  breastfed and like, a lot of the weight came off that way.
• 38:01
  I still like, it took a while for me to, like, feel back in my
• 38:04
  body, so it was definitely difficult.
• 38:07
  But I definitely like, I think heels helped.
• 38:13
  Like there's something that when you put on heels, we're like,
• 38:15
  OKI stand taller and like, I feel a little sexier, yeah, but
• 38:20
  yeah, like. How was that even if you were
• 38:22
  going to auditions? Because I guess then that was
• 38:26
  still mostly in person to go to auditions.
• 38:30
  After you had your baby cuz I've was doing auditions but they
• 38:37
  were all self taped so I would be like doesn't matter what I'm
• 38:41
  wearing down below, these pants don't fit so I'm good.
• 38:45
  I can't imagine have to cuz it's such a weird.
• 38:50
  It's such a weird annoying time. How?
• 38:54
  Close Like anything now, but not next week.
• 38:57
  Yeah, cuz you're like, well I can't.
• 38:59
  I'm not. I'm out of maternity clothes.
• 39:02
  Or it's like it's obvious. It's if if it's a maternity or
• 39:06
  whatever. I think maternity clothes are a
• 39:08
  lot better than they had been, not.
• 39:11
  Great when I was pregnant. But Even so it's like, well I
• 39:14
  don't want to wear maternity stuff.
• 39:16
  I can't fit in my pre maternity stuff, but I'm not going to get
• 39:22
  a whole new wardrobe besides getting those like belly band
• 39:26
  things that like. Go between your jeans where you
• 39:30
  can just like, keep them open. But man, even just that.
• 39:35
  Like, I'm impressed that you were able to like.
• 39:37
  Well, part of it was. One outfit to wear to go to.
• 39:41
  I mean, OK, so I'm going to be honest that I kind of do that
• 39:43
  now. Like I generally have, like I so
• 39:46
  I'm a very like casual person and I wear mostly men's clothes.
• 39:49
  Like I wear mostly my fiance's clothes like because they're or
• 39:53
  like sweatpants, like I am such a casual.
• 39:56
  So like when I have auditions that are like.
• 39:58
  She's sophisticated and like drives a Lexus or like whatever.
• 40:01
  I'm like that is not me. So I have one outfit perfect.
• 40:08
  So I have one like business outfit and then I have like one
• 40:11
  other shirt that could go with it if it's not supposed to be
• 40:14
  business, like if it's supposed to just be like sophisticated.
• 40:17
  So I have like 1 outfit for those and then I have like 1
• 40:22
  outfit that's just like if it says casual.
• 40:25
  I'm like this, I'm just going to wear this like and then I have
• 40:29
  so like that's basically what I did was like because I go, you
• 40:32
  know there's a lot of like the same kind of categories.
• 40:35
  So it was like great, I'll just have things to go with all like
• 40:39
  one outfit for kind of each of these categories, one pair of
• 40:42
  jeans that like you know fits all the things and or if you
• 40:46
  have friends that happen to be the size that you are, borrow
• 40:49
  something from them. I'm like, can I borrow this for
• 40:52
  three weeks? You can have like in three weeks
• 40:53
  and I'll put me again and I'll give it back.
• 40:57
  And or like, I used to also wear a lot of overalls, which
• 41:00
  overalls are very like, you know, flexible and like what?
• 41:04
  Size you are. Yeah.
• 41:05
  That's true man. I just there's yeah it's it's
• 41:12
  such a weird time after having a baby where you're like wait.
• 41:18
  What's going on? And just emotionally so you said
• 41:23
  you were like serving until like six years ago.
• 41:30
  So what was that shift? Left.
• 41:33
  So I was like booking a lot of commercials and making money and
• 41:36
  like when I was married I was the breadwinner.
• 41:38
  So like commercial money and then like also restaurants was
• 41:42
  paying like together is paying our bills and then we're trying
• 41:44
  to save up for a house. And then when I got divorced, I
• 41:49
  was still working. I was, I was managing a
• 41:51
  restaurant and I was managing a restaurant and then occasionally
• 41:55
  working at a nightclub like a couple days a week for extra
• 41:59
  money. And then once we split, I was
• 42:04
  still like doing the restaurant thing, managing the restaurant
• 42:07
  and still booking commercials, booking the little shoots here
• 42:13
  and there. And then I booked the show
• 42:15
  siren. And the first year I was just in
• 42:17
  two episodes. So like, not life changing, like
• 42:19
  amazing opportunity, amazing show, but like not life changing
• 42:23
  tiny, tiny little part on episode 8.
• 42:26
  And then like episode nine was like my episode and that was
• 42:29
  amazing and felt great. And I kind of like left the
• 42:33
  restaurant. And so at this point I was just
• 42:37
  kind of helping out, picking up shifts at different places that
• 42:39
  like I knew or friends that knew me because.
• 42:42
  Man, I'm a really good server. As good at anything else in life
• 42:49
  as I am a server. Like, like, I feel like everyone
• 42:53
  has that one thing that they just, like, excel at.
• 42:56
  Yeah. I wish mine wasn't being a
• 42:59
  server. Right.
• 43:01
  I mean. Like, I'm a really good, really
• 43:05
  good nanny. But I don't want to.
• 43:08
  I don't. I.
• 43:10
  I mean it, it provided for me and my family and like it helped
• 43:13
  support me building my career 100%.
• 43:16
  I am appreciative for it but like like anything else if I
• 43:21
  could be like good great you know, but so but so friends you
• 43:30
  know I could just come in and pick up here and there and and
• 43:33
  then I also like invested it in like a little pop up restaurant
• 43:36
  called Barbara Jean for a little while.
• 43:38
  And so I would like run front of house, but it's very flexible.
• 43:40
  So I could still like leave and do this stuff.
• 43:42
  And then and then you know I still had commercials running
• 43:48
  and my divorce was finalized and and then I went back to shoot
• 43:53
  Season 2 of Siren and that was a little more difficult because it
• 43:56
  all issues in Vancouver and cash just was here.
• 43:59
  But I was very lucky at the time.
• 44:01
  I had somehow had the intuition that my mom should move in with
• 44:05
  us. And so I moved from a guest
• 44:07
  house in the Valley. She lived in Marina del Rey.
• 44:10
  So we moved into where I live now, and she took the guest room
• 44:13
  and I had the master. And like, so that way when I had
• 44:17
  to go to Vancouver to shoot while I was gone, he could still
• 44:19
  sleep in his bed. She could take him to school and
• 44:21
  like, he could continue with the same routine while I was gone
• 44:24
  until I could come back. So that that definitely helped.
• 44:27
  I don't know how my intuition was like, you should live with
• 44:31
  your mom, which everyone in my family was like, that's a
• 44:33
  terrible idea. You guys are going to like rip
• 44:35
  each other apart. And I was like, you're probably
• 44:37
  right. But for something is telling me
• 44:39
  to do it and for a while it was really good and really nice.
• 44:43
  For cash is to like have that support and like made things
• 44:47
  much more simple. And part of me thought that was
• 44:50
  like, I knew that it was going to end and I was like, she's
• 44:52
  going to need to move out at some point because everything
• 44:55
  everyone said is correct and ever.
• 44:59
  But I was for a while like toying with the idea of like,
• 45:01
  well, maybe if I could find a friend like.
• 45:03
  You know, maybe someone that's like similar to, that's like
• 45:05
  good with children but like, not married and doesn't have their
• 45:08
  own kid, you know, But like, if they wanted to live on the West
• 45:10
  Side, I could give them a discount on rent to like, take
• 45:13
  the guest room and then just like, be available if I needed
• 45:16
  someone to like, take cash to school in the morning or pick
• 45:18
  him up because I was stuck on set or something like that.
• 45:20
  Because I loved him being able to, like, stay in his routine.
• 45:24
  Yeah. For sure.
• 45:26
  Like was really nice. Yeah.
• 45:30
  And you're still you're in that place.
• 45:33
  So luckily when my mom moved out my fiance and I have been dating
• 45:38
  about a year and so he ended up just moving in.
• 45:40
  So now we have what was the guest room is our office self
• 45:43
  tape area room which is really nice.
• 45:48
  Yeah, yeah. I feel like having space too is
• 45:53
  a big. So are you Is a 2 bedroom or
• 45:56
  three bedroom? It's technically so we it
• 46:00
  operates as a three bedroom for us.
• 46:02
  But it's technically like a two-bedroom with a bonus room, I
• 46:06
  guess because so this is my master bedroom, which is huge.
• 46:10
  There's like all sorts of space for activities.
• 46:12
  Yeah, I was gonna say it looks like a living room.
• 46:14
  It's huge. I'm not gonna show you my bed
• 46:16
  because that's not made. But like, my bed is that way.
• 46:19
  Yeah, that's a lot. Of space.
• 46:21
  Yeah. A.
• 46:22
  Lot of space like lots of space for activities.
• 46:25
  That's awesome. So many activities.
• 46:30
  Yeah, you could just do your just do some laps around there.
• 46:36
  So much space for activities, but my son's room is so there is
• 46:41
  a bathroom and across the hall is my son's bedroom.
• 46:45
  So like, it's not technically a three bedroom because and then
• 46:49
  our office guest bedroom is downstairs.
• 46:52
  And there's a bathroom downstairs as well.
• 46:54
  Well, that's nice that you have like that space and yeah.
• 46:58
  It is. It is.
• 46:59
  I think soon he's getting to an age where we probably won't
• 47:03
  share a door, so maybe he'll move downstairs and then like
• 47:08
  we'll turn that into our office. But it is really nice to have
• 47:11
  the space and like we have a little outdoor space, which is
• 47:13
  really, really nice and really convenient and very lucky that I
• 47:17
  found this place. It it's an old building, so it
• 47:19
  has its quirks and. It feels like a house, but it's
• 47:23
  not a house. But overall like it is a great
• 47:26
  space and like very helpful to have.
• 47:29
  Yeah, we have, Do you? Well, I know obviously he has
• 47:37
  changed so much like in the in the past like few years, but how
• 47:46
  do you feel? Because I was going to ask what
• 47:50
  the how you feel the differences between like going in person for
• 47:56
  audition basically pre pandemic versus yeah post post.
• 48:02
  But I'm sure those are also hugely different given his ages
• 48:07
  have yeah pretty much during the past few years like.
• 48:12
  I guess he's been in school. Yeah, so that's the other thing
• 48:16
  is like also because he's in school like and I know that he
• 48:19
  doesn't necessarily do well in an audition situation and he's
• 48:21
  not like passionate about it. We don't he doesn't audition
• 48:26
  that much. But the nice thing is like if he
• 48:28
  does or if someone just needs digitals, but just do it when he
• 48:30
  gets home, which is, which is nice, I think.
• 48:33
  I think that aspect, it does make it easier for him and I to
• 48:36
  like audition or like submit like together because like.
• 48:42
  Again, knowing that he doesn't do greatly with auditions and
• 48:45
  it's not his passion, I don't want to pull him out of school.
• 48:48
  And he goes to school in the Palisades.
• 48:50
  So, like to pick to drive from my house, to go to the
• 48:53
  Palisades, to pick him up to then like, I don't know, drive
• 48:55
  to Glendale for an audition or or like, you know, La Brea or
• 48:59
  like, whatever, like. And then for him to just like
• 49:01
  choke up and miss school like so I do.
• 49:05
  I do like that we can just like, hey, you got home real quick.
• 49:08
  Clean the dirt off your face and put a clean shirt on.
• 49:10
  Let's go take some pictures. That is far.
• 49:14
  That is far more convenient now that you have school age for
• 49:18
  sure. Do you prefer now doing self
• 49:22
  tapes? I mean even if he's in school, I
• 49:25
  would assume it's easier to do self tapes for most parents than
• 49:31
  going in person. Besides the like getting that in
• 49:34
  person time. But do you have a preference or?
• 49:42
  I think for me, like, you know, there were so many auditions
• 49:45
  that we were going into and they just asked a personality
• 49:47
  question, right? Like they just want to be like,
• 49:49
  so tell me about your weekend, which again, is not about what
• 49:52
  you say. They just want to, like, see
• 49:54
  your personality. They want to see your face move.
• 49:56
  They want to see you smile, laugh, like, whatever.
• 49:58
  For those, I'm like, great. I will do that at home.
• 50:01
  But I feel like so much of like. The auditions where they like
• 50:04
  want you to to act things out and like all of that and like
• 50:08
  sometimes like in the scene there would be a partner.
• 50:11
  I kind of hate doing those at home.
• 50:13
  So I'm like if we were in person you could like really show me
• 50:17
  what you want and like there would be other people.
• 50:19
  Like it always just feels like such an ordeal.
• 50:22
  And I'm like I don't know if this is exactly what you were
• 50:24
  saying and like and so that I don't love and I also like the
• 50:29
  thing I liked about in person versus.
• 50:33
  Self tape is like when you have an personal audition.
• 50:36
  It's probably between the hours of 10:00 AM, maybe 9:00 and 5:00
• 50:40
  PM. For the most part, all your
• 50:42
  auditions are going to be between that.
• 50:44
  So then by the time, like, my son comes home and we have
• 50:46
  dinner, I'm done with work, right?
• 50:48
  And if if maybe I need to like look over a script or something
• 50:50
  for another audition, I can do that after he goes to bed and
• 50:53
  just look at it. But I can be in bed.
• 50:56
  That's the one thing I don't like about self tape auditions.
• 50:58
  Is that like. They'll send you an audition and
• 51:01
  be like, hey, we need this by like 10:00 AM tomorrow.
• 51:03
  And I'm like, well, I'm on set right now.
• 51:06
  So like, what am I supposed to do this?
• 51:07
  Or like, you know, I don't like that.
• 51:10
  It seems like like they feel like they're like, we're always
• 51:13
  accessible. And while there's like pros to
• 51:15
  that, right, where like if you're out of town, you could
• 51:17
  turn an audition or, you know, if you are on set, you can go
• 51:21
  home and like after work or the middle of the night you could
• 51:24
  take an audition. Like, there's obviously pros to
• 51:26
  that, but I do kind of miss some of that was like.
• 51:29
  Here are the business hours. Yeah, like, occupy the business
• 51:33
  hours. Live your life.
• 51:35
  And if you're on vacation, you're actually on vacation.
• 51:38
  Yeah. You're like, oh, can you just
• 51:40
  get this audition in real quick? I'm like, I want vacation.
• 51:44
  Really. Like, I'll just bring my ring
• 51:46
  light with me everywhere. Yes.
• 51:48
  And so like that's like a very real thing.
• 51:50
  So it's almost like book out Well, again pros because then
• 51:53
  like if you are someone who wants to be like auditioning and
• 51:56
  you do need to like book that work, you have that opportunity.
• 51:59
  But then also the con is like, there's not really boundaries
• 52:02
  anymore. Like even the trip I'm taking
• 52:06
  next week to go get married, when I booked out, I made it
• 52:09
  very clear I will not be available.
• 52:11
  I am not bringing a ring light. I do not have a reader, which I
• 52:14
  actually do because, like, but I'm not.
• 52:17
  We're not. I'm not doing it.
• 52:18
  I'm not. Well, no.
• 52:20
  And it's good to have those boundaries because especially
• 52:24
  having kids, it's like you have to set.
• 52:28
  I mean everyone should have, yes boundaries and stick to them and
• 52:32
  have them set. But I think especially with
• 52:35
  kids, it's important to have them and be able to say no to
• 52:41
  things 100%. Yeah, so is your you said now
• 52:48
  you you have have a class that you teach, is that more of like
• 52:53
  your steady income now? So, no.
• 52:57
  So like honestly, like the things have been very
• 53:00
  interesting with like SAG and commercials and like film and
• 53:03
  television. I mean right now with the
• 53:04
  writers strike. But for like the past year or so
• 53:07
  it's been like a little weird. Like I I've been seeing the
• 53:10
  industry change and like the con it feels like before things that
• 53:15
  so much of what was film and television, like it's now just
• 53:17
  like a lot of content, not as much.
• 53:21
  And like, so it's been like. Very weird and interesting, and
• 53:23
  I've been even having a hard time getting excited about most
• 53:26
  auditions. Even like some of the pilots I
• 53:28
  auditioned for, I was like they only picked up 13 and like this.
• 53:33
  This one. That's huh, Okay?
• 53:38
  And so the class I've taught like one cycle, and it's through
• 53:41
  a friend of mine, Jorge. His he's got like a little
• 53:45
  studio that he started this this year and he teaches a couple
• 53:50
  classes. So I've been teaching this one
• 53:51
  and we took a little bit of break and I think this summer
• 53:52
  we're going to start a new thing and it's been really enjoyable
• 53:55
  and really fun. It's kind of like about taking
• 53:58
  the art of acting and how to make that read through like
• 54:02
  selftaping zoom, like that kind of stuff because it is
• 54:05
  different, you know, like there are little like things like
• 54:08
  before when you were in the room, if you wanted to stand up
• 54:10
  or like walk across, you know, you could do that and.
• 54:14
  Most of us don't have a camera operator with us when we're
• 54:17
  taping an audition. You know, a lot of us are even
• 54:19
  like taping with a reader on Zoom, like there's not even a
• 54:22
  person in the room. So just trying to like, help
• 54:25
  people understand, like, how to put your best foot forward in
• 54:28
  that way while still, like bringing in, like, integrity,
• 54:31
  acting, finding ways to physically be grounded.
• 54:34
  And so for me, it actually brought a lot more excitement
• 54:37
  back into acting because I think for a while I was just kind of
• 54:39
  like, this is like. This is not great.
• 54:43
  I'm not loving this. So that and then kind of this
• 54:47
  year my main project has been I started directing and so tell.
• 54:54
  Me about your your film. Yes.
• 54:56
  First I just want to say for anyone who is like ooh, I don't
• 54:59
  know if I could like be an actor and have a mom and be a mom and
• 55:02
  like all this I'm like I am a mother to a nine year old I.
• 55:08
  I don't have a side job and while sometimes it's very scary,
• 55:11
  like I'm able to stand myself in this and I am starting a new
• 55:14
  career, like you can do it. Granted I do have like wonderful
• 55:19
  support for my fiance and like, you know, my son is school age,
• 55:21
  so like all of that stuff. But it's possible, like it's
• 55:25
  totally possible. So I wanted to direct for a
• 55:28
  while, but I like, I would like hit a wall of fear.
• 55:34
  Well, I like wanted to write and I would like hit this wall of
• 55:36
  fear that again is that like. Like, who do I think I am?
• 55:39
  Like you're not. I got a.
• 55:43
  Writer It's like, well, yeah, you are if you say you are.
• 55:45
  If you do, yeah. Yes.
• 55:47
  And so something that I suggest for anyone that has like that
• 55:50
  hits a wall of fear. I a couple of years ago like had
• 55:54
  a script ID and I was like, oh, I had a script ID for like 6
• 55:57
  years. And I was like, why can I not
• 55:58
  write it? Why can I not just do it?
• 56:00
  I can't just make myself do it. So I signed up for a writing
• 56:04
  class through UCLA extension, a screen writing class.
• 56:07
  I ended up not writing my the script that was in my head for
• 56:10
  that project, but it was like, but it was a good like exercise
• 56:14
  for me to. Then it forced me to write and
• 56:18
  it forced me to like be creative and like hit these deadlines And
• 56:21
  it also taught me like how to write a script and like all the
• 56:25
  elements. And I think that was for me part
• 56:26
  of like, I don't know what I'm doing.
• 56:28
  I can't sit down and write a script.
• 56:29
  I don't know what I'm doing like.
• 56:32
  I don't know, like someone hand you car keys.
• 56:35
  And I was like, I've never driven a car.
• 56:36
  Like how do you do this? Like, that's terrifying.
• 56:39
  And so it made me do that. And then after that it was so
• 56:41
  much easier. And so I've written a couple of
• 56:43
  short films and like, so then the same thing happened with
• 56:47
  like directing. I was like, I really want to
• 56:49
  direct. But again, I was like, I don't
• 56:50
  know how to do that. I don't even know where to start
• 56:53
  like. Who's gonna Who's gonna be like,
• 56:55
  here's my TV show, Go ahead and direct it.
• 56:58
  What do I do? And so I was just kind of like,
• 57:00
  well, the class I took before helped me push through that wall
• 57:03
  of fear. And so I signed up for a
• 57:05
  direction class through UCLA extension.
• 57:08
  And while I don't feel like I actually learned that much
• 57:11
  through the classes, honestly, I felt like directing one was
• 57:15
  like, interesting and definitely like helped clear up some of my
• 57:19
  already like, intuition stuff. A lot of it was teaching you
• 57:21
  about like what happens on a set and how a set operates.
• 57:24
  So if you're already in this industry, I don't feel like it
• 57:26
  was like a ton of new information.
• 57:30
  But the value in it was that it made me make things and like, we
• 57:33
  started really simply and everything I shot was on my
• 57:35
  iPhone. It was like one minute, no
• 57:37
  sound, like 1 camera move. Like did that.
• 57:41
  But it made me make these things.
• 57:43
  And so then I signed up for directing 2.
• 57:45
  And everything in everything in directing one was like, it was
• 57:47
  nothing like substantial. It was always just like.
• 57:50
  An exercise to use like what we had talked about the previous
• 57:52
  week. And then?
• 57:55
  I was like okay. I'm going to take direction too.
• 57:58
  This seems this should be better, right?
• 57:59
  Like okay. I'll learn all these new things
• 58:03
  and I learned absolutely nothing from my teacher.
• 58:08
  Absolutely nothing. I'll be back.
• 58:10
  He even gave. I was like this is.
• 58:13
  Oh God. Like it was not, but I imagine.
• 58:17
  Those classes aren't cheap either.
• 58:19
  I mean, they weren't like insanely.
• 58:21
  I mean they were like $800.00 for like a session, which is
• 58:25
  like not cheap, but it's also not chunk change.
• 58:27
  You know what I mean? Yeah, it's still a good.
• 58:30
  Chunk of. Money.
• 58:31
  If I was learning a ton I would be like ohh for sure.
• 58:35
  Yeah but to like learn nothing. I definitely remember feeling
• 58:38
  like why am I here? What is this class?
• 58:42
  But maybe that it's like it's our stuff you kind of already
• 58:45
  like you said intuitively assume like.
• 58:49
  It was a lot of that, but it also even was just like, the
• 58:52
  feedback he gave was like not helpful.
• 58:54
  Like I would turn in a project and like, well, I actually do
• 58:57
  think that a lot of them were good.
• 58:59
  There's no way it couldn't be better.
• 59:01
  Like, there's no way there's not like something.
• 59:05
  Yeah. I could have done better, like
• 59:08
  shot it on my iPhone in an afternoon, like there's no way.
• 59:11
  And so it was like, but then I would get no feedback, so that
• 59:13
  was a bit frustrating. I don't necessarily recommend
• 59:15
  those classes unless you just need someone to kick your butt
• 59:17
  to make you. Make something which is where I
• 59:20
  got out of it. So for directing to I started
• 59:22
  with these like smaller like a two-minute short and then I did
• 59:25
  like a 4 minute like little comedy thing.
• 59:27
  And then and then for my last project I wrote the script.
• 59:31
  And I have a friend who was also an actor with me on Sirens
• 59:34
  Savangele and she wanted to learn to produce.
• 59:36
  So I was like I read the script. I or I wrote the script.
• 59:40
  I had a few people read it just to kind of get.
• 59:42
  That's the feedback, you know, whatever.
• 59:44
  It's a class project. Like, no pressure.
• 59:47
  Although I put a lot of pressure on myself for every single
• 59:49
  project. Like I treated every single
• 59:50
  project like it was a paid job and it was my duty to make it
• 59:54
  good even though it should. Be personality coming in, Yeah.
• 59:57
  Well, to me I was like, I'm really gonna learn something if
• 59:59
  I give it my all right. And I did.
• 1:00:01
  I learned something making each thing not from my teacher but
• 1:00:05
  every experience. I was like, OK, so that does not
• 1:00:08
  work or. We're going to.
• 1:00:11
  This sound works but not that way.
• 1:00:13
  OK, good to know or oh, I can't edit this to that got got you
• 1:00:17
  got a plan next time. But so for the last one, a few
• 1:00:21
  people, I read the script and they were like, Oh my gosh, this
• 1:00:23
  is so good. Like the script is so good.
• 1:00:26
  And I was like really? And so SIM and I were talking
• 1:00:28
  and like she had helped like produce the projects that we had
• 1:00:32
  just shot on my iPhone, which, you know, there's not that much
• 1:00:34
  to it. It's like we're going to pick up
• 1:00:37
  some popcorn and fruit for Crafty and like.
• 1:00:39
  You know, send a call sheet and see you.
• 1:00:44
  Know. Yeah, and like, you know, we
• 1:00:46
  make like a shot list and all that stuff, but it wasn't that
• 1:00:49
  all intense, you know, because there just wasn't that much to
• 1:00:51
  do with the $0.00 budget. I feel like it's probably at the
• 1:00:57
  end of the day, it's really just.
• 1:01:01
  How much money you have that makes the the difference, like
• 1:01:05
  with because you're going to for big movies, it's like, well,
• 1:01:08
  they're still doing the same thing, there's just more on
• 1:01:10
  there. There's there's more stuff,
• 1:01:12
  there's more things you can hire more to coordinate and like
• 1:01:15
  definitely, like how many days do you have and like how many
• 1:01:19
  actors? Like definitely the bigger the
• 1:01:20
  production gets, the more complicated it gets.
• 1:01:22
  For sure, like 100%. And again, that has to do with
• 1:01:25
  money, because you can the more money you have, the bigger you
• 1:01:28
  can go. And so but so for for SIM, we
• 1:01:33
  her and I talked and I was like, I'm getting really good feedback
• 1:01:35
  on this like just do this. Like that's why I'm in this
• 1:01:39
  class. Like I'm not in this class like
• 1:01:41
  a degree. I'm in this class like to make
• 1:01:44
  stuff. So like let's do it.
• 1:01:47
  And we were completely insane because I wrote this like the
• 1:01:52
  last week of February and it was due by March 20th and we were
• 1:01:59
  like. Yeah, we can do this real
• 1:02:02
  problem. I highly recommend having more
• 1:02:06
  preproduction time, especially if you've never done this
• 1:02:09
  before. Because let me tell you, my
• 1:02:11
  wonderful fiance, God bless him, that he still wants to marry me
• 1:02:16
  because I I was like a zombie. I was like in this world, but
• 1:02:21
  not of this world I like. Didn't talk.
• 1:02:24
  I couldn't clean. I I I only ate because he put
• 1:02:27
  food in front of me. Like I was always on my
• 1:02:30
  computer, always on my phone up, lay up or like I was a crazy
• 1:02:33
  person. He did.
• 1:02:36
  Yeah. But so it was wonderful, like we
• 1:02:38
  ended up finding a wonderful DP who like was absolutely great.
• 1:02:43
  A makeup artist referred me to him and I thought for sure, like
• 1:02:46
  he's professional DP. And I was like, Oh no, I I
• 1:02:48
  figured probably like someone straight out of film school, you
• 1:02:50
  know, like. And she and and she was like
• 1:02:53
  well you never know. And so I was like well here's my
• 1:02:55
  pitch deck and the script. If he's interested he can reach
• 1:02:57
  out. If not like I get it.
• 1:03:01
  And he reached out and like was super excited about it and like
• 1:03:04
  why he's like I just want to make this good.
• 1:03:06
  I'm like amazing and and yeah and I think being type A and
• 1:03:11
  like terrified of messing up was actually like.
• 1:03:16
  Very bad for my adrenals, but like, very good for the project.
• 1:03:20
  I like, storyboarded everything. We had all of our shot lists
• 1:03:24
  like, and it was amazing because the whole crew that we got
• 1:03:28
  together, so many of them volunteered their time.
• 1:03:30
  It was a one day shoot. They volunteered their time, but
• 1:03:35
  they're professionals and they worked as professionals, you
• 1:03:37
  know? So like, I was so terrified.
• 1:03:39
  We had a really ambitious shoot schedule and everyone I talked
• 1:03:41
  to was like, you're gonna shoot that one day And I'm like, huh?
• 1:03:46
  Yeah, and for our first location, camera went up 45
• 1:03:53
  minutes late. We only had three hours of shoot
• 1:03:57
  time schedules. It's like an hour to like set up
• 1:03:59
  an hour to breakdown and three hours in between to shoot at the
• 1:04:02
  first location. So camera up 45 minutes late.
• 1:04:04
  I was like, what are we going to have to cut, opt out of location
• 1:04:11
  20 minutes early? And second location, same thing.
• 1:04:15
  We wrapped early. Like we had a bunch of extras
• 1:04:18
  who were very kind and like worked for free.
• 1:04:21
  And I remember we like shot like an extra shot that like my DP
• 1:04:26
  was like, well, let me just get a shot of this thing.
• 1:04:28
  And I was like, OK, I'm looking up the shot list.
• 1:04:31
  I'm like, I remember like everyone was behind us.
• 1:04:36
  And so it's like we're huddled and we're like.
• 1:04:39
  Well, I feel like also as an actor.
• 1:04:42
  I'm sure that that informs your directing as well, and maybe
• 1:04:47
  that's why you're like you. 100% and I feel like.
• 1:04:52
  I feel like my goal as a director is to be a mindful
• 1:04:55
  director. Like while I want my work to
• 1:04:57
  obviously be good and I want my work to be recognizable, I also
• 1:05:00
  want people to know me as a director who like, I want to
• 1:05:03
  understand everyone's struggle and hold space for it.
• 1:05:06
  Well, I'm not always able to solve that problem.
• 1:05:09
  I want there to at least be acknowledgements that, like, I'm
• 1:05:11
  aware, you know? And so it was actually really
• 1:05:14
  cool because afterwards I talked to everyone, actors included.
• 1:05:17
  And I was like, like, give me some feedback, like, what can I
• 1:05:22
  work on? What did I?
• 1:05:23
  And everyone was like, it was great, you're great.
• 1:05:28
  Like, we even the extras were like, let us know when the next
• 1:05:30
  one will come. And I was like.
• 1:05:32
  What? Yeah.
• 1:05:33
  Because, you know, to me, I feel like everyone in this industry,
• 1:05:36
  while we all want to like, be a part of something.
• 1:05:39
  We all also want to make it a career, you know, which means we
• 1:05:42
  need to make get something out of it, whether it's like money,
• 1:05:45
  something for our real like a credit, like we all need to get
• 1:05:49
  something out of it. And so, like, I hated asking
• 1:05:51
  people to work for free or for a little money, but everyone
• 1:05:55
  seemed so happy and grateful. Some of the people that I had
• 1:05:57
  originally planned on paying said that they don't want my
• 1:05:59
  money. Like it was just like such a
• 1:06:02
  wonderful experience and really also helped build my confidence
• 1:06:05
  that like. I can really do this, yeah.
• 1:06:09
  Not just like a dream, Like a faraway dream.
• 1:06:14
  Do you feel like being a mom kind of helped you push past
• 1:06:20
  that fear to try to try it? No, I think, I think being a mom
• 1:06:27
  almost like, made me more fearful because I was like, how
• 1:06:30
  am I going to add more to my plate, right?
• 1:06:32
  Like, I think that made me a little bit afraid.
• 1:06:34
  But I do think that some of the skills of being a mom like the
• 1:06:37
  scheduling the the, the like remembering out of nowhere that
• 1:06:40
  you need to schedule this play date or remembering that like,
• 1:06:43
  oh, I need to bring banana bread on Tuesday to the school.
• 1:06:46
  Like I do think that that helped me direct.
• 1:06:49
  And then I think that like once it started to like kind of come
• 1:06:52
  together and and I think that in class while seeing the the small
• 1:06:55
  projects that I did like turn out really well and like my son
• 1:06:58
  helped with the ones that were like appropriate for him to help
• 1:07:01
  with. He liked him and he helped like
• 1:07:02
  he held a boom like he like. He did like that kind of stuff.
• 1:07:05
  Like it made me feel really good to be able to show my son that
• 1:07:09
  like, you can do anything you want to do.
• 1:07:14
  Like I'm in my mid 30s, I am a mom.
• 1:07:17
  Like according to half of society I should just I'm washed
• 1:07:21
  up and done. I'm like doing this thing and
• 1:07:26
  like doing it well and like to the point that other people who
• 1:07:29
  do this as a profession and don't need to build their
• 1:07:32
  wheels. Are showing up to do it for free
• 1:07:36
  like. Yeah, I think we also forget
• 1:07:40
  that people got into this creative industry because
• 1:07:46
  they're creatives like they do want to.
• 1:07:49
  Actually, it's not always about like, oh, I want to act to make
• 1:07:54
  this money. Oh, I want to do that like be an
• 1:07:57
  extra to. Make part of something good.
• 1:08:00
  Yeah, everyone said they were like, I love this message.
• 1:08:02
  It's all it's basically a short film about domestic violence and
• 1:08:08
  partially from my own experiences, which I'm divorced.
• 1:08:12
  But it's also it's it's just inspired by my story.
• 1:08:15
  It's not my actual story, but it kind of touches on the
• 1:08:19
  complicated emotions that happens once that abuse is gone.
• 1:08:22
  So whether it's that you're abused, you know, you finally
• 1:08:25
  were removed from the situation or your abuser is locked up or
• 1:08:27
  like, whatever it is in this scenario, it's that her abusive
• 1:08:30
  husband has passed away. And kind of like looking at it's
• 1:08:36
  not so cut and dry. It's not like, oh, great, now
• 1:08:39
  I'm free, you know, because, like, I think when it comes to
• 1:08:42
  domestic abuse, a lot of people are like, well, why did you
• 1:08:44
  stay? Like, if it was so bad, why
• 1:08:46
  didn't you leave? And it kind of like shows like
• 1:08:50
  there is so much love involved, not necessarily like from the
• 1:08:54
  abuser, but like people who stay.
• 1:08:56
  It's because they truly love that person.
• 1:08:58
  And like, there is so much of that.
• 1:09:01
  And it's a very complicated, like, I feel relieved, but I
• 1:09:04
  also feel sad, like, and then I feel guilty because I'm I
• 1:09:08
  shouldn't be sad or I am sad. Should I not feel relieved?
• 1:09:10
  Like it's a very complicated thing.
• 1:09:13
  And so that's kind of what the short film is about, like
• 1:09:16
  watching her kind of struggle with.
• 1:09:18
  How does she feel? How should she feel and what
• 1:09:21
  does she feel? And kind of going from feeling
• 1:09:26
  like she should have done better and like his temper was her
• 1:09:28
  fault and like all of that stuff to kind of realizing that it
• 1:09:32
  wasn't and that her mistakes were not.
• 1:09:36
  That her mistake was staying and and taking the abuse and so that
• 1:09:38
  now she's free. It's kind of, it's kind of the
• 1:09:41
  content. Well, that says a lot about your
• 1:09:45
  work. As a writer and a director then
• 1:09:47
  that people felt that way. So that's very, very exciting
• 1:09:53
  and very excited. For yeah, so that what I'm
• 1:09:56
  saying. Like we really can do anything.
• 1:10:00
  And my son came to set like he was not there for the first half
• 1:10:02
  of the day. That was when like kind of the
• 1:10:04
  more heavy stuff was the the second-half of the day we shot
• 1:10:08
  in a church. It was at the funeral, but it
• 1:10:10
  was mostly voiceover. So like.
• 1:10:12
  Nothing was happening. It was just people walking in
• 1:10:13
  and out of a church, basically. And so he came and he was an
• 1:10:16
  extra and like, helped set up Crafty and like, refilled
• 1:10:20
  Crafty. And like, there's amazing
• 1:10:22
  pictures of me, like I'm holding like a portable monitor and he's
• 1:10:26
  like standing next to me and we're just like, it just made me
• 1:10:29
  so happy and like. He told me how proud he was of
• 1:10:32
  me. It was like, he was like, I
• 1:10:35
  can't see it, but like, I was proud of you, Mommy.
• 1:10:38
  I was like, maybe when you're older.
• 1:10:40
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I really do think that
• 1:10:44
  while while having a child didn't help me push through that
• 1:10:48
  fear of like, beginning something new, it definitely,
• 1:10:51
  like, continued to fuel me and and made me even happier and
• 1:10:54
  prouder that I did make it through that.
• 1:10:56
  Wall of fear? Yeah, that's.
• 1:11:00
  That's awesome. I'm so excited for you.
• 1:11:03
  I'm going to ask the the one of my favorite questions to ask or
• 1:11:07
  it's just my last question. I always ask everybody what has
• 1:11:11
  been your lifesaver at the moment?
• 1:11:15
  Like, it can be. It doesn't.
• 1:11:19
  It can be for motherhood. It can be for as an actor,
• 1:11:25
  director, creative, or just like a mantra, a product.
• 1:11:30
  Anything. My lifesaver right now is like,
• 1:11:35
  honestly, it's a combination of things.
• 1:11:38
  One is like having I from shooting that short film.
• 1:11:44
  Like I realized, like, I have this new found belief that like
• 1:11:48
  things are going to work out and like everything's going to be OK
• 1:11:52
  And like I I have been trying to tell myself, like, I don't have
• 1:11:55
  to get everything done right now.
• 1:11:57
  Because I think that that is like such a thing a in our
• 1:11:59
  society and then doubled down as like a mom is like there's so
• 1:12:02
  much to do and who is going to do it?
• 1:12:04
  And like I have to get it all done now or like the world's
• 1:12:06
  going to burn, which is not true.
• 1:12:07
  So I think that. But then also like, I'll be
• 1:12:13
  honest, my fiance has been like, I did not believe that humans
• 1:12:20
  like him existed. And while I do think that, like
• 1:12:23
  I have done a lot of hard work, like on myself and healing
• 1:12:26
  myself and learning to communicate and like learning
• 1:12:29
  how to be efficient and like pushing through the fear and
• 1:12:31
  like doing all of that stuff, I think it would have been 20
• 1:12:34
  times harder without his support.
• 1:12:37
  And so I do think that like that's also made it so that not
• 1:12:42
  only am I saying I don't have to get everything done right now,
• 1:12:44
  but I also don't have to see everybody.
• 1:12:47
  Realizing like him, not only his support has helped, but
• 1:12:50
  realizing that like, the people around you really do make a
• 1:12:54
  difference. Not just necessarily in like
• 1:12:56
  what you get done or moving forward in your career, which
• 1:12:59
  those things are true too, but also in just like how you feel
• 1:13:03
  and like your mental health and like your energy and like all of
• 1:13:07
  that. So it's like been a combination
• 1:13:09
  of I don't have to get everything done and I don't have
• 1:13:11
  to see everybody and I don't have to like, I just can do
• 1:13:15
  less. Yeah, I say as I start a new
• 1:13:19
  career, you know, But it's like, it's like you could do less but
• 1:13:24
  maybe do different things. Yeah, like instead of doing
• 1:13:28
  these five things, I'll do two of them, and then I'll do the
• 1:13:30
  three new, the two more new things, and then I'm doing 4
• 1:13:32
  things instead of five, you know?
• 1:13:34
  But yeah, it's like choosing the things that matter to you more
• 1:13:40
  quality. Over quantity 100% Yeah.
• 1:13:44
  Like saying no and choosing yourself.
• 1:13:46
  Is OK, Yeah, and preferable. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:53
  Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you so much for
• 1:13:55
  chatting with me. And it was so good to talk and
• 1:13:59
  to see you. So it must have been Michael
• 1:14:03
  Wilson then. That's why, yeah, it must have
• 1:14:05
  been. I feel like.
• 1:14:08
  Do you know if the studio is open?
• 1:14:09
  I feel like. I don't know.
• 1:14:13
  I think so. I feel like that's the class I
• 1:14:16
  always end up going back to. I just.
• 1:14:18
  I really like the way. I would.
• 1:14:21
  I would love to go back. It's just far for me now, Yeah.
• 1:14:26
  I live closer now. Well, I actually was for a while
• 1:14:32
  subbing because there's a preschool right next to it now.
• 1:14:36
  I subbed at that preschool. Oh my small.
• 1:14:39
  It's a small world. I went to sub for the first time
• 1:14:42
  and I was like. Yeah.
• 1:14:46
  Oh, yeah. Well, have a great rest of your
• 1:14:49
  day. And I can't wait to hear about
• 1:14:52
  all the other things you do. You're.
• 1:14:56
  Yeah, you're doing, you're doing great.
• 1:14:58
  Thank you. So are you.
• 1:15:00
  So it's like, honestly, if you're a mom, whatever you get
• 1:15:05
  done every day is enough and is like amazing if that is putting
• 1:15:09
  on a pair of pants. Sometimes I don't even put on
• 1:15:13
  pants. Not real pants.
• 1:15:15
  Not real pants. Just sweat pants.
• 1:15:17
  Honestly. Mostly, yeah.
• 1:15:20
  Same. All right.
• 1:15:23
  We'll take care. We'll talk to you soon.
• 1:15:26
  Bye. And that's our episode.
• 1:15:29
  Thank you so much to my guest. And a special thank you to my
• 1:15:34
  producer, Cecilia Tripp with Laurel Canyon Creative.
• 1:15:38
  And thank you to Edith Mudge for our theme music and I hope you
• 1:15:43
  enjoyed having a look into Mommywood.
• 1:15:48
  Don't forget to follow Mommywood podcast on Instagram and TikTok.
• 1:15:55
  And please give us a nice review and a few stars while you're at
• 1:16:01
  it. We would appreciate it so, so
• 1:16:03
  much and. Take care.
• 1:16:06
  I need to wait my bye.