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Andy Stanley - How Not To Be Your Own Worst Enemy Part 3 Listen · Andy Stanley Sermons

0:01
Speaker 1: You may be familiar or maybe not, but may be
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familiar with this phrase genetic fallacy, genetic fallacy. It's also
0:08
known as the fallacy of origins, or some people.
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Speaker 2: Refer to it as the fallacy of virtue.
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Speaker 1: I've never really heard of that one before, but genetic
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fallacy is usually how you hear about it.
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Speaker 2: And if you remember back from school, what a fallacy is.
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A fallacy is an.
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Speaker 1: Error in reasoning something that doesn't make any sense. It's
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an error and reasoning. For example, here's a famous one.
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Dogs have four legs. My cat has four legs. My cat,
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my cat is a dog. No, okay, so how about
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this one? Bill lives in an enormous Bill lives in
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an enormous apartment complex. Bill must have an enormous apartment. Yeah, okay,
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those are fallacies, right, You see that? Yeah, there's something
0:44
about that doesn't make sense.
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Speaker 2: Well, the genetic.
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Speaker 1: Fallacy is a fallacy, but it's a different kind of fallacy.
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This is a fallacy that discounts the rely when somebody
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discounts the reliability of information based on the source rather
0:57
than the merits.
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Speaker 2: Of the information. We say that again.
0:59
Speaker 1: The genetic values we can see is when you discount
1:03
the reliability of information. Somebody gives you advice, or somebody
1:06
gives you information, and you discount it based on the
1:09
source rather than the merits of the information. So, for example,
1:11
if I came in here today and said, hey, this morning,
1:14
I saw a report on CNN that about half of
1:18
you would be like CNN, uh huh. But if I
1:21
got up here and said, hey, this morning, I saw
1:23
a report on Fox News that the other.
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Speaker 2: Half of you would be like Fox News, uh huh.
1:27
Speaker 1: That before I even got through the information, you're already
1:30
suspect of the information because of the source.
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Speaker 2: Or maybe you're more in this camp.
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Speaker 1: If somebody walked up to you this week and said,
1:35
my preacher said, you'd be like, what could your preacher
1:39
possibly know that could help me? Right, So, it's easy
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to discount information based on the source of the information
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rather than the merits of the information. But you know
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this advice, advice in particular, should be judged on its merits,
1:52
not on its source. Oftentimes, right, advice, especially any information,
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but especially advice, should be judged on the merits of
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the advice, not if not if not if you fall
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for the genetic fallacy, which so many people do. You
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might become your own worst enemy, your own worst enemy.
2:08
Now this is as you may know, this is part
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three of this series. We're wrapping the series up to
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day How Not to Be your Own Worst Enemy. And
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we've all been our own worst enemy. And we can
2:17
all laugh about some events in our lives where we
2:19
were our own worst enemy. I told you about my
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college experience. Maybe your college experience was similar, and those
2:25
are things we can laugh about. But we've also seen
2:27
people kind of do it up big, right. You've seen
2:30
someone undermine a marriage and became their own worst enemy,
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that became their own worst enemy financially, became their own
2:35
worst enemy academically, became their own worst enemy professionally, and
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you saw this playing out and you just thought to yourself, stop,
2:43
just stop, you are doing this to yourself. You could
2:47
see the results before the end got there, right, And
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when you see somebody do it up big, like really
2:52
blow up their whole life, and maybe you are that person,
2:54
and you can't believe I'm talking about this today, or
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maybe you're in the middle of it, but maybe you're
2:59
on the front end of it. And if you're on
3:00
the front end of it, I can't tell you how
3:02
grateful I am that you're here today and that you're
3:04
listening or that you're watching. But when you see somebody
3:06
do it at big, you think exactly what I think.
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Speaker 2: You think. I would never do that. I just would
3:12
never do that, And maybe you won't, and hopefully you won't.
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Speaker 1: But here's what we've said every week. You have the
3:18
potential to do it up big. You have the potential
3:21
to become your own worst enemy. And the reason we
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know that's true is because you have participated in all
3:27
of your bad decisions.
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Speaker 2: You were there for all of them.
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Speaker 1: As we said in the first week, you are the
3:32
mastermind behind some of your worst decisions. And the reason
3:36
that's a big deal is a single bad decision, right,
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a single bad decision is always the first step.
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Speaker 2: Toward becoming your own worst enemy.
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Speaker 1: Every habit, every bad habit, has a first time, Every
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pattern has a first line, Every journey has a first step.
3:53
So in this series, we're talking about three preemptive habits
3:57
that if you'll develop these habits, you will set yourself
4:00
up not to ever be your own worst enemy, in
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a small way, laughable ways, or.
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Speaker 2: In a big way. Now, a question that you might ask.
4:09
Speaker 1: Maybe you haven't asked, but I've sort of wondered if
4:11
people would ask during this series.
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Speaker 2: Why are we talking about this in church?
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Speaker 1: Right?
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Speaker 2: I mean, this sounds like a ted talk. This sounds
4:16
like something.
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Speaker 1: You would just kind of hear in a classroom or
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a business seminar or just you know, counseling. Right. But
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the reason we're talking about this in church is that
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this whole idea of not becoming your own worst enemy,
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it's really not even about you because you know this,
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maybe you know this from the family you grew up in.
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When you become your own worst enemy, you're not the
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only person that's hurt. Right. If you blow up your finances,
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if you blow up your life, you're not the only
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person impacted. The shrapnel of you blowing up your life
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impacts the people closest to you. It impacts the people
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in your future, It impacts the people that depend on you,
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It impacts the people that love you. So this is
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a really, really big deal, not just because you're a
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really big deal, and you know you're a really big deal,
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at least you think so, right. I Mean, I think
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I'm a pretty big deal, right, But this isn't even
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about us. This is primarily about what it means simply
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is we'll see at the end to.
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Speaker 2: Follow Jesus, because if you are a Jesus.
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Speaker 1: Follower, you are responsible for how your behavior impacts other people.
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So this isn't just about you getting your life right.
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This is about you keeping your influence intact. This is
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about you keeping your reputation intact. This is about you
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living life in such a way that people would be
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drawn to your life so that you can point them
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to the source of life in you. In fact, if
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you're here for the first time, or maybe you're not
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a church person or not a religious person, chances are
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you're or you're watching or you're listening because of the
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influence of another Christian, of another Jesus follower. And imagine
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how much less influence they would have over you if
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they had just blown up their life or become their
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own worst enemy in some capacity.
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Speaker 2: So this is really a big deal. This isn't just
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ted talk.
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Speaker 1: This really is central to what it means to follow Jesus,
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because at the end of the day, how we live
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our life is not just about us. We'll talk a
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little bit more about that in the end. So anyway,
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I gave you these to preemptive habits. We're gonna look
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at the third one today, but just quick review. Preemptive
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habit number one to keep you from becoming your first
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home worst and to me is pay attention to the tension.
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Speaker 2: Pay attention to the tension. One more time.
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Speaker 1: I would love for all of us to read this
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out loud, even if you're watching and you're sitting by
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yourself or driving ready, pay attention to the attention. When
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you are considering an option, an invitation, any decision and
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there's something on the inside of you that's like, I
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don't know about that, pay attention to that tension. If
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something about the decision dings your conscience, it doesn't seem
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wrong to anybody else, but it bothers you.
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Speaker 2: Let it bother you.
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Speaker 1: And don't start, as we said the first week, don't
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start selling yourself on it. Don't start trying to convince yourself.
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We rarely have to sell ourselves on a really good idea.
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And then last time we were together, we talked about
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preemptive habit number two, and that was pay attention to
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your narratives, pay attention to what you say to yourself,
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pay attention to how you frame things, how you frame decisions,
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how you frame relationships, how you frame experiences in life.
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Because our internal narratives can be helpful, but they can
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be harmful. Our internal narratives actually have the potential to
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set us up to repeat the past, repeat our failures,
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and become our own worst enemies. Now, if you did
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not hear last week's message when we talked about this,
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I don't do this all the time, but what we
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talked about last week is so important because it's so
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subtle and it's not something to hear a lot about.
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I would highly recommend you get to your local church app.
7:35
If you're here with me at Buckhead, just get the
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Buckheat Church app and last week's messages on there for free,
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or you can go to my YouTube channel. But what
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we talked about last week is so foundational to living
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life in a positive way, and it is so foundational
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for those of us who consider ourselves Jesus followers. So today,
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preemptive habit number two, how not to become your own
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worst enemy, And it's simply this, pay attention to the
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voices of wisdom around you.
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Speaker 2: Pay attention to the voices of wisdom around you.
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Speaker 1: Here's what you know about your experience, and here's what
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you know about the experience of people you've watched blow
8:09
up their life.
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Speaker 2: Most people, in fact, I would argue all but let's
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just be conservative.
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Speaker 1: Most people who become their own worst enemy were warned.
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Speaker 2: Weren't they?
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Speaker 1: You were somebody in your life said, I don't know
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about her. I don't know about him. I don't know
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about that. I don't know about that job, I don't
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know about that investment. I don't know about Somebody tried
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to warn you that. Most people who become their own
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worst enemy, somebody tried to warn them, but they wouldn't
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listen because this is so important. Our worst decisions. They
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don't miss this our worst decisions. And by worse decisions,
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I mean those decisions that are tipping points, those decisions
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that are like points of no return, those decisions that
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if we could go back to that one moment and undecide, redecide,
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decide differently, you know, those those big moments, If only
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I could go back to that moment. Our worst decisions
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are always, always, always preceded by a series of unwise
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decisions that you made, a series of unwise decisions that
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led you to the.
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Speaker 2: Point where you made the big one.
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Speaker 1: This is almost always the case when it comes to
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people who blew up their lives or people who become
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their own worst enemy. So the idea, or rather the
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habit of listening to the wise voices around us is
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so extraordinarily important because if you're in the middle of
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making a decision right now, here's what I can guarantee you.
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Somebody is feeling the tension that you're ignoring. Somebody is
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feeling the tension you're ignoring. There's somebody around you is
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who is not distracted by your internal narratives, those things
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that you constantly tell yourself. They're not distracted by those
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things because they're not aware of those things. There's somebody
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around you that's connecting some dots that maybe you're not connecting,
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and possibly they're trying to say something to you, but
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because of your internal narrative, because you've already made up
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your mind, it's almost impossib for you to listen. So
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paying attention to the voices of wisdom around us is
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an extraordinarily extraordinary important habit. And the thing is, you
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already know that that's not something you haven't heard before.
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But for whatever reason it's difficult for us. So what
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I thought I would do today, because this again, this isn't.
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Speaker 2: New news or new information.
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Speaker 1: I want to read to you a story that comes
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out of the Hebrew Scripture, or Christians call it the
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Old Testament that I'm hoping will soften your resistance to
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maybe something you've already heard, that will soften your resistance
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to something you've already heard that are having a hard
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time hearing. And this particular story is not. One of
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the more familiar stories from the Old Testament is found
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in First King's Chapter twelve, and this particular narrative revolves
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around Israel's fourth king. Ancient Israel had a series of kings.
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For context, here's Israel's kings. You'll remember it can maybe
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from Sunday school or if you grew up in church,
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King Saul. Perhaps all of you've heard of King David.
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And then following King David was David's son, Solomon, considered
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the wisest man who ever lived, and the assumption was
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that after Solomon died, his son Ria Boam would then
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take the throne of Israel. Now to fully understand this story,
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there's one other character I have to introduce.
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Speaker 2: You to.
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Speaker 1: His name is Jeroboam, and who is Jereboam? I'm so
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glad you ask. And here's where the story begins. Now Jereboam,
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not Riaboam.
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Speaker 2: Jereboam.
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Speaker 1: Now Jeroboam was a man of standing. That is, people
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thought this guy had it going on. He was an
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extraordinary leader. He was well known in the community. And
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when Solomon, when King Solomon saw how well the young
11:33
man did his work, he put him in charge of
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the whole labor force, which was a big, big deal.
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This is like becoming part of the cabinet in our
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way of thinking. He got elevated too extraordinary influence in
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the Kingdom of Israel because he was put in charge
11:50
of forced labor. Solomon, by this season in his life,
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was building so many buildings and so many monuments to
11:57
himself that he had get this. Over one hundred and
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fifty thousand, one hundred and fifty thousand stone cutters and
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stone transporters that just about the entire male available population
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in that area of the world worked for King Solomon.
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And it wasn't paid labor as much as it felt
12:15
like forced labor because he was doing these massive building projects.
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So Jeroboam is in charge of this extraordinarily important and
12:23
big project. And one day he's leaving the city of Jerusalem,
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and something very odd happens. About that time, Jereboam was
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going out of Jerusalem and Ayeijah, the profit of Shiloh,
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met him. So he's leaving Jerusalem and this prophet walks up.
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And whenever a prophet walks up, you know something strange
12:41
is about to happen.
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Speaker 2: Well, this was really strange.
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Speaker 1: The prophet walks up to Jeroboam and takes off his coat.
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The prophet takes off his own coat and then he
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rips it apart, begins ripping up his coat, and he
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rips his coat into twelve pieces, and then he hands
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ten pieces of his own coat to Jeroboam, and then
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he says this, this is what the Lord God says
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to you. I am going I am going to tear
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the kingdom out of Solomon's hands, and I'm going to
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give you ten of the tribes. As you may remember
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that the Israel was made up of twelve tribes, and
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this prophet says that Solomon the king is going to
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lose ten of them, and Jereboam, you are going to
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be king of ten tribes of Israel. And why well,
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and this may be hard for you to take if
13:27
it depending on how you grew.
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Speaker 2: Up in church.
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Speaker 1: But by this time in history, King Solomon had become
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a pagan king. I say he was a pagan king
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because he worshiped multiple gods, and that's the definition of
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a pagan, somebody who worships multiple gods. He'd become a
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pagan king. He worshiped all the gods of all his wives,
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and he had a boat load, he had a trainload.
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Speaker 2: He had so many wives they were numbered.
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Speaker 1: He couldn't even remember their names, because he married everybody
13:51
famous his daughter from all the surrounding kingdoms to create
13:54
peace treaties. But consequently he began to worship their gods
13:57
as well, and he was building them temples in place,
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he says, of worship all over Judea, which was absolutely
14:03
against what God had told Israel to do. So by
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this time he has abandoned basically his faith. And consequently
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King Solomon is treating his subjects like all the pagan
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kings treated their subjects.
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Speaker 2: He treated them like slaves.
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Speaker 1: So this prophet says, God's fed up with that. And
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when King Solomon dies, the kingdom's going to be divided
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in Jeroboam, you're gonna get ten of the tribes, but
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I will God says, I will not take the whole
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kingdom out of Solomon's hands. And then he goes on
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to say this. God says, I made a covenant with David,
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and I'm going to keep my end of the deal.
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But David's lineage is not going to have the whole kingdom,
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just two out of.
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Speaker 2: The twelve tribes.
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Speaker 1: Well, apparently this was so weird to Jeroboam that he
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didn't keep his mouth shut, and he began to talk
14:49
to people, saying, I met this crazy prophety.
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Speaker 2: Towards coda, he.
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Speaker 1: Gave me ten I mean, this is just weird, and
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word got back to Solomon. Word he got back to
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Solomon that Jeroboam it had been prophet over him that
15:00
he was going to be a king in Israel. So
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Solomon did what ancient kings do when they realized that
15:07
their dynasty is threatened. Solomon tried to kill Jeroboam, but
15:12
Jereboam found out about it and he fled to Egypt
15:14
and he stayed there until Solomon finally died. Now this
15:18
is where the story gets really practical and really interesting.
15:21
But first of all, any questions, so far are you
15:23
following this?
15:23
Speaker 2: All the oams? Everybody's got an oem. Okay, here we go.
15:26
Speaker 1: So Solomon dies. The assumption is that Ria Boham is
15:30
going to be coronated to the king. He's going to
15:32
take his father's place without any challengers.
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Speaker 2: So this is where the story picks up.
15:37
Speaker 1: So Ria Boam, the Solomon's son, went to Shechem, a
15:41
city north of Jerusalem where the actually the original capital
15:45
of ancient Israel for all that Israel had gone there
15:48
to make him king. This is the best day of
15:51
his life. When Jeroboam, who Solomon raised, up and then
15:55
headed off for Egypt. When Jeroboam heard this, when he
15:58
heard that Solomon was dead, thought oh, it's safe for
16:00
me to come back home because the king is dead.
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When Jereboam heard this, he was still in Egypt where
16:05
he had fled from King Solomon. He returned from Egypt,
16:09
and so they they being the assembly that represents the people,
16:13
so they sent for Jeroboam. So the representatives of the
16:15
people sent for Jeroboam because he was still an outstanding
16:18
leader and had so much that had the respect to
16:20
the people, and he and the whole assembly that represented
16:23
the nation of Israel went to Ria Boham and said
16:25
to him, so the king's about that, the Reaboam's about.
16:28
Speaker 2: To become the king.
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Speaker 1: And so the assembly that represents the people says, you know,
16:33
future king, or maybe they'd already coordinated.
16:35
Speaker 2: Him by this time he was king.
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Speaker 1: They said, hey, we have a request, and he said,
16:39
what is your request? And they're representing all the people,
16:42
and here was the request. Your father Solomon put a heavy,
16:46
heavy yoke on us. Your father was like all the
16:49
other kings. He treated us like slaves. But now we
16:53
want you to do something different. But now we want
16:55
you to lighten the harsh labor and the heavy yoke
16:58
that he put on us. And if you do, Ria Boham,
17:01
we will serve you willingly. We will serve you. But
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you got to stop with all the NonStop construction. You
17:07
got to stop with all the taxes. You got to
17:09
stop from taking all the men out of our cities
17:12
and sending them off to these foreign places to cut
17:14
stone and drag them to build these monuments.
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Speaker 2: To your father. We will serve you willingly.
17:20
Speaker 1: Well. At this point, Rio Boham makes two really really
17:23
good decisions. The first one is this, So Ria Boham said, answered,
17:27
go away for three days and then come back. And
17:30
so the people went away. So this was a good decision.
17:32
He said, let me think about this good idea. And
17:35
then King Ria Boham made another good decision. Then King
17:38
Ria Boham consulted the elders, the old guys, the elders
17:42
who had served his father Solomon during his lifetime.
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Speaker 2: Another really good decision.
17:46
Speaker 1: These guys are older, they're wiser, they have perspective, and
17:51
they knew some things that Solomon didn't know, and they
17:53
knew some things that Ria Boham would never know. Now,
17:56
for those of you who lead an organization or lead
17:58
a department, or maybe you're not cherepreneur, you have several companies,
18:01
or you know, you run a franchise, you know this.
18:04
I know this as a leader, there are things you
18:07
never know.
18:07
Speaker 2: As the leader.
18:08
Speaker 1: There's all you know, there's always yikitiak, and people have
18:10
conversations and opinions and you almost you almost never get
18:13
that information. And it's always important to have people who
18:15
will be honest with you because information doesn't usually flow
18:19
up unfiltered in an organization, and it certainly didn't in
18:22
a kingdom. So this was a good idea because these
18:25
men who had advised Solomon, they knew the real deal.
18:28
They knew what Solomon didn't know, and they knew what
18:30
Rio Boham would never know as king. So these these
18:33
were good men to go to for advice. And he
18:36
and he asked them, he said, how would you advise
18:38
me to answer these people? He asked, And here's what
18:41
the old guy said. They said, if today you will
18:45
be a servant to these people, and if you will
18:48
serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will
18:52
always be your servants. Do you want to be a
18:55
king of a united kingdom, then here's how you put
18:59
therein ahead of your own. You put their interest ahead
19:03
of your own. Very wise counsel, very good leadership instruction.
19:07
These guys knew. But here's what Ria Boham thought. Ria
19:11
Bohm thought, what maybe we would be tempted to think,
19:14
what do a bunch of old men know? What to
19:18
a bunch of old men, they've already lived their lives,
19:20
They've already had their time, They've already had their time
19:23
in the sun, they've already had their influence they don't
19:26
understand I'm a young man with my whole life ahead
19:29
of me, with a legacy to build. What could they
19:32
possibly know? And he discounted their good advice because of
19:39
where that advice came from. But Ria Bohaen rejected, rejected
19:45
the advice the elders gave him. It was what he
19:48
needed to hear, but it was not what he wanted
19:53
to do. But it was the only way. And this
19:57
is where we so needed this is where we need
20:00
to dial in as individually.
20:02
Speaker 2: It was the only way to get to where he
20:04
wanted to be.
20:05
Speaker 1: Did you know there are people perhaps in and around
20:10
you that have the advice you need to get you
20:12
where you want to be, and you're discounting their advice
20:15
because of who they are. They haven't walked in your footsteps.
20:17
They've never run a business, they've never been a parent.
20:20
You know, they're only eighteen years old. They've never been
20:22
where you are. They've never gone through a divorce, they've
20:24
never been in a second marriage, they've never tried to
20:26
blend a family, they've never moved out of town to
20:28
the big city. And you have a thousand reasons to
20:31
discount their advice. There perhaps is somebody around you who
20:35
has advice that will help you get to where you
20:39
want to be. In this case, for Rio Boham, it
20:42
was a United kingdom, but he didn't want to listen.
20:45
Speaker 2: So you know what he did. He did what we do.
20:47
Speaker 1: He found some folks who would tell him what he
20:49
wanted to hear. He found some folks who would tell
20:52
him what he wanted to hear. Let me tell you
20:54
how to become your own worst enemy.
20:56
Speaker 2: Surrounds yourself with people who will tell you what you
20:58
want to hear.
20:59
Speaker 1: If you want to become your own worst enemy, if
21:01
you want to blow up your family, if you want
21:03
to blow up your finances, if you want to blow
21:05
up your future, it's very simple. You just surround yourself
21:08
with people. In fact, at a layer we'll get to
21:10
in just a minute. Surround yourself with people who need
21:13
you and work for you, and we'll only tell you
21:15
what you want to hear. You'll lose influence, you'll lose opportunity,
21:19
you'll lose respect, you'll lose resources.
21:21
Speaker 2: This is how you end up where you don't want
21:25
to be.
21:26
Speaker 1: So let me just ask you this question real quick,
21:29
kind of live a question in and we'll keep going
21:30
with the story. And this isn't for all of us,
21:33
but this may be the point in the message where
21:36
you think somebody emailed Andy and told him my story.
21:39
Speaker 2: Okay, they didn't.
21:42
Speaker 1: Whose advice are you currently ignoring? You know it may
21:47
be bad advice, you may need to ignore it, but
21:50
just for a moment, whose advice are you currently ignoring?
21:54
And then here's the real kicker. Here's what makes this
21:56
question powerful. What is that internal if you were here
22:00
last time, what is that internal narrative you're using to
22:04
reinforce your resistance to their advice? Because when you pay
22:08
attention to that narrative, it is going to be an
22:10
indicator as to whether or not you are resisting good
22:13
advice or bad advice. And if there's something in you
22:17
that says, what could they possibly know about? Then you
22:21
need to hit pause because you are about to become
22:24
a victim of a fallacy. When my boys were growing
22:30
up that very very young, they expressed interest in baseball,
22:32
and I wanted to be involved in their lives. So
22:34
I became a baseball coach, and I coached them from
22:36
when they were you know, from when I was pitching okay,
22:39
to where they were pitching so hard I was afraid
22:41
to catch it. I went with them all the way
22:43
up through high school and through the years. Parents would
22:46
come to me because I coached every year year around baseball.
22:49
Parents would say to me all the time, Andy, where
22:51
did you play baseball? And I would say in the backyard.
22:55
Speaker 2: Or they would say, you know, what, did you play
22:57
high school baseball?
22:57
Speaker 1: No?
22:58
Speaker 2: Did you play it? No?
22:59
Speaker 1: No, no, So I never I never played on a
23:02
baseball team. I was a really, really good coach, not
23:05
because I had any credentials or any experience or anything
23:09
to show for it. I was just good at teaching
23:11
kids to do things that I wouldn't even try. Honestly,
23:14
I was good at teaching kids. It's kind of what
23:15
I do as a pastor. I try to get you
23:17
to do things like I'm too scared to do that,
23:19
but you knock yourself out. You can do it. You
23:22
can do it. I'm not doing it, but you can
23:23
do it, right. I just this is just something that
23:26
I'm good at, helping people figure stuff out, even stuff
23:29
I've never done. I had zero credentials, but I was
23:31
a pretty good baseball coach. And you know, I never
23:33
had any parents say, well, you know what, my kid
23:35
isn't going to be on your team if you've never
23:37
played baseball, right, that would have been foolish, I think.
23:40
But in so many arenas of our life, this is
23:42
how we think. And you know what, there's a time
23:45
to be cautious about that. All I'm saying today because
23:47
of this story is be careful that you don't discount
23:51
good information, or more particular, in particular, you don't discount powerful,
23:56
personal important advice because of the source the advice. Back
24:02
to this story, but Ria Bohen rejected the advice to
24:05
the elders gave him, and he consulted the young men
24:09
who had grown up with him and were serving him,
24:14
young men who had no more life experience than he did,
24:18
young men who had no more insight than he did,
24:21
young men who worked for him. And again, as I
24:25
said earlier, when the only people who have access to
24:30
you are people who need you, or are people who
24:34
want something from you. When the only people who have
24:37
access to you are people who need you or want
24:40
something from you, you are in a dangerous, dangerous place.
24:44
And that's why we all have to be so proactive
24:47
to bring people into our sphere of influence and give
24:50
them opportunity to influence us from the outside.
24:53
Speaker 2: Because as life goes on and as you're more.
24:55
Speaker 1: Successful, more and more, you will naturally be surrounded by
24:58
people who need you or want something from you.
25:01
Speaker 2: And in this case, Ria Boham chose.
25:04
Speaker 1: The men who needed him and wanted something from him,
25:09
and so he asked them, what's your advice? How should
25:13
we answer these people who say to me, lighten the
25:15
yoke your father put on us? Because come on, we
25:18
can always find somebody who's gonna tell us what we
25:20
want to hear. Right, We're gonna always be able to
25:22
find people who tell us what we want to hear,
25:24
so we can do what we want to do.
25:26
Speaker 2: And here's the challenge.
25:27
Speaker 1: And if I could just grab some of you by
25:30
the shoulders, you know, look in your eyes, I would say,
25:32
look the problem. The problem with always doing what you
25:36
want to do is you eventually arrive at precisely where
25:39
you don't want to be.
25:41
Speaker 2: If you only do what you.
25:43
Speaker 1: Want to do, you will eventually arrive precisely at the
25:46
place in your marriage, with your financial through profession academically, spiritually,
25:50
relationally influenced, you will arrive exactly precisely where you don't
25:54
want to be. You become your own worst enemy, which
25:57
is exactly as we're going to see what happened through
26:00
a bonem. In fact, the interesting thing is this, If
26:03
you'd never heard this story before and you had to
26:06
guess how this turns out, nobody listening would say, I
26:09
bet this turns out great for real boehm, I mean,
26:12
I can see where this is going.
26:13
Speaker 2: This is gonna be amazing.
26:15
Speaker 1: He rejected the advice of the people older than him,
26:17
wiser than him, that had been there and done that,
26:19
and he surrounded himself with people on the payroll. I
26:22
bet this turns out great. So you already know better.
26:27
In fact, when you look at some of your friends
26:28
and family members, you know how that story's going. The
26:32
challenge for you today and for me is to look
26:35
in the mirror and ask ourselves a question.
26:38
Speaker 2: Have we fallen into this rut?
26:40
Speaker 1: A rut that's not really taking its toll now the
26:43
way it will later. So the young men who had
26:46
grown up with him replied, these people have said to you,
26:49
your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make
26:51
our yoke lighter. Now here's what we think you should
26:54
go back and tell them now you tell them, my
26:57
little finger is thicker than my father's.
26:59
Speaker 2: Way.
27:00
Speaker 1: So Solomon was a big guy, but in that culture,
27:03
being big was a sign of health and wealth because
27:07
most people lived on the verge of starvation. So if
27:09
you met a really overweight person, it's like that person
27:12
is clearly healthy and they're wealthy. And so apparently Solomon
27:17
was really healthy, and we know he was really wealthy.
27:19
And they said, hey, you think my father's waste was big,
27:23
my little finger is bigger than my father's waste. In
27:26
other words, you ain't seen nothing yet. And they said,
27:29
here's what you need to tell those folks. My father
27:32
laid on you a heavy yoke. I will make it
27:34
even heavier. My father scourged you with whips, I will
27:38
scourge you with scorpions. A scorpion was a type of whip,
27:41
but it was the type of whip you used to
27:43
punish a criminal, not whip a slave. In other words,
27:48
the message was going to be this, my father treated
27:51
you like slaves, I'm gonna treat you like criminals. Well,
27:56
young guy goes to his head. They're all together, all
27:58
this adrenaline. It's like, yeah, we're gonna tell him, so
28:01
sure enough, he goes back. Three days later, Jeroboam and
28:04
all the people returned to Ria Bohem, and Jeroboam's there
28:07
kind of there, he's already sort of risen up as
28:10
the spokesperson. The leader, and the king answered the people harshly,
28:14
rejecting the advice given him by the elders, and the
28:18
moment he rejected their advice, and the moment he announced
28:22
when I'm about to read that, he announced his.
28:24
Speaker 2: Fate was sealed, and so was the fate of the nation.
28:29
Speaker 1: Because a series of unwise decisions would lead to a
28:34
catastrophic decision that would impact tens of thousands of people.
28:39
Speaker 2: Here's what he said. He repeated what the young men
28:42
told him. You've come to me. You want to know
28:44
what my answer is. Here's my answer.
28:46
Speaker 1: My father made your yoke heavy. I'm gonna make it heavier.
28:48
My father scurgs you with whips. I will scourge you
28:51
with scorpions. And when all Israel saw that the king
28:54
refused to listen to them, they answered, the king, now
28:58
here's something kind of cool. Jered Boham apparently said to
29:02
the folks, Look, he's not going to take your advice.
29:04
He's not going to take your Viye, He's not going
29:06
to lighten the load. So they actually showed up with
29:08
a prepared statement. And this statement, we know, was a
29:11
quote from a document that a rebel back in David's
29:15
time had prepared when heeled against David. And this was
29:18
a document that had floated around said this was a
29:20
well known script. So they read this older script to
29:23
remind the king, Hey, this is a big deal. This
29:26
isn't just a handful of us. We speak for the nation.
29:29
And here's what they said. They said, what shared do
29:32
we have in David? What part in Jesse's son? Jesse
29:35
was David's father. To your tents, Israel, look after your
29:39
own house, David talking to David's relative Ria Boham, to
29:44
your own to your tents, Israel, look after your own house.
29:48
Speaker 2: In other words, this was their way of saying, I
29:49
don't want to be too rude.
29:50
Speaker 1: They were saying, look, go build your own blanky blank
29:53
cities and palaces.
29:55
Speaker 2: Hey, we don't recognize your right to rule, Go rule yourself.
29:59
That was the strength of this message.
30:02
Speaker 1: So the Israelites threw up their hands and said, you're
30:04
not going to be our king. The text says they
30:06
went home, but it's for the Israelites who were living
30:07
in the towns of Judah. The two tribes Ria Boham
30:10
still ruled over them. And then Ria Boham doesn't believe
30:13
this has even happened. He doesn't even believe.
30:15
Speaker 2: This is Reel.
30:15
Speaker 1: He goes home, things settle out. He tells his advisers, Look,
30:18
just give him a few days, give him a few weeks.
30:20
Speaker 2: It's all going to work out.
30:21
Speaker 1: This kingdom isn't going to split up. So then Riaboom
30:25
made another terrible decision. He sent out at an Airam,
30:29
who was in charge of forced labor, but all of
30:32
Israel just stoned him to death. We're not working for you.
30:37
You didn't listen to us. You had an opportunity to
30:40
rule a united kingdom for as long as you lived,
30:44
but it had to be all about you, and you
30:46
wouldn't listen to the wise council Coles.
30:47
Speaker 2: What do a bunch of old men know?
30:50
Speaker 1: So, the author says, So Israel has been in rebellion
30:53
against the House of David to this day. Ten tribes
30:56
of Israel in rebellion to the House of David, and
30:59
the kingdom ever came back together. It was divided and
31:04
then when it was divided, it was weakened. And when
31:08
it was weakened, it became vulnerable. And when it became vulnerable,
31:12
it became invadable, just like me, just like you, when
31:18
we refuse to pay attention to the voices of wisdom
31:22
around us.
31:23
Speaker 2: So here's I mean this.
31:25
Speaker 1: You've heard this before, you know this, You've given this advice,
31:28
but I'm just throwing it back at you. Find someone,
31:32
find someone who has nothing to gain and nothing to
31:36
lose by telling you the truth. Find someone who has
31:40
nothing to gain and nothing to lose by telling you
31:43
the truth. And you simply asked them, what would you
31:45
do if you were in my shoes? I know you've
31:48
never walked in my shoes. I know you never run
31:49
a company. I know you haven't even been married before.
31:51
I know, I know, I know. But what you see
31:53
you seem like a wise person. What would you do
31:55
if you were in my shoes? It's so simple. You
31:57
don't have to sell yourself on this idea. You know
32:00
this is the right approach. The question is this is
32:03
what I ask myself, is.
32:04
Speaker 2: Why don't we and why won't we?
32:08
Speaker 1: And there's several reasons for one In many instances, we
32:11
already know what they're going to say, don't we. I mean,
32:13
if you already know what somebody's going to say when
32:15
you ask them, you know what to do, don't you.
32:17
If you already know what a wise person is going
32:19
to say when you ask them, then you already know
32:22
what to do.
32:23
Speaker 2: So just do it.
32:25
Speaker 1: And if you're not willing to do it, ask The
32:27
other reason, and I think this is all of us
32:30
is sometimes we just don't think it's anybody's business, right,
32:32
It's nobody else's business. And please don't miss this. It
32:35
may not be any of their business. You are inviting
32:39
them into your business. And here's why you need to
32:41
do that, because private decisions have public consequences. Private decisions
32:48
have public consequences. Private decisions don't stay private, do they.
32:57
Private decisions don't stay private. Many years ago, when I
33:01
was just out of college and I kind of bumped
33:03
into an issue in my life and I needed to
33:06
invite some people in, and I remember being so embarrassed
33:09
about talking about what it was I needed to talk about.
33:12
Speaker 2: And one day it dawned on me, Andy.
33:14
Speaker 1: This little itty bitty baby dragon, it could grow up
33:16
to be a big, old mama or daddy dragon and
33:19
devour your whole life. And if it becomes a big
33:21
dragon that devours your whole life, everybody's gonna know about
33:24
it anyway, the people who like you and the people
33:26
who don't like you, the people you love and the
33:28
people you don't love. So why not take a risk
33:31
and invite some people who care about you and now
33:33
to deal with it while it's small, so it doesn't
33:35
become big. And of course it's embarrassing, but private decisions
33:41
and private issues and private habits don't stay private. So no,
33:46
it's nobody else's business. Why is people make it somebody
33:51
else's business for the sake of their future, but more importantly,
33:55
for the sake of the future of the people you love,
33:56
the people around you. And then, guys, if I could
33:59
just say something to you, I think one of the
34:00
reasons we don't do this, I mean, you already know
34:02
the answer what I'm gonna say.
34:03
Speaker 2: It's just our ego.
34:05
Speaker 1: It's because success is intoxicating. And look, just burst your bubble.
34:10
Success doesn't mean you're smart, and success doesn't make us smarter.
34:17
In fact, success often makes us more careless.
34:20
Speaker 2: It makes us clueless.
34:22
Speaker 1: I mean I've heard men say, not exactly these words,
34:25
but through the years. Well, any you know, you try
34:27
to get a guy to go to a parenting seminar,
34:29
you try to get a man to read a book
34:31
about being a father.
34:32
Speaker 2: No, I'm not gonna do that.
34:32
Speaker 1: Why, Well, I was, I was a kid once. I
34:34
know how to raise one. Hey, I had a surgery once.
34:42
Would you let me do surgery on you? I don't
34:44
think so, and I wouldn't have let you do. I
34:46
mean it just it doesn't make any sense. Somebody can
34:50
see what you can't see. Somebody is connecting dots you're
34:54
not connecting. There's somebody, perhaps close to you, that is
34:57
not distracted by your internal narration to because they have
35:00
a different narrative. They can see what you can't see,
35:04
and you lose if you don't.
35:05
Speaker 2: Know what they already know.
35:09
Speaker 1: So here here's I want to challenge you to make
35:12
a commitment, even if it's just for a month, or
35:14
maybe even just for a week. But this is this
35:16
is a habit that will serve you well. In each
35:18
of these messages, I've asked you to make a specific
35:20
commitment related to the message, and the commitment related to
35:23
this one is simply this, Would you commit I will
35:26
not automatically discount advice based on the source of the advice.
35:30
I'm telling you this will serve you well for the
35:32
rest of your life. I will not automatically discount advice
35:36
based on the source of the advice. Now, obviously there's
35:40
advice we should all discount, but that you know, that reaction,
35:43
that quick reaction, when how could they know?
35:45
Speaker 2: What do they know? They're too old, they're too young.
35:48
It's a guy.
35:48
Speaker 1: How could a guy possibly it's a woman, How could
35:50
a woman possibly? You know, it's somebody that doesn't understand.
35:53
They've never lived in the South, they've never run a
35:55
company like this, they've never worked we immediately discount advice.
35:59
Speaker 2: Would you just decid? You know what? For me, I'm
36:01
not doing that.
36:02
Speaker 1: I will not automatically discount advice based on the source
36:06
of the advice. And when you make this commitment, you
36:11
begin to further the habit of paying attention to the
36:14
voices of wisdom around you because, and you know this already,
36:20
wise voices. Wise voices set you up for wise choices.
36:25
Speaker 2: And why is this a big deal?
36:27
Speaker 1: Because every single person that's blown up their life, every
36:30
single person that's become their own worst enemy. That final
36:34
decision that one moment in time they wish they could
36:36
go back and undo, was preceded by a series of unwise, unwise, unwise,
36:42
unwise decisions. And when we surround ourselves by with and
36:46
when we listen to and when we open ourselves up
36:48
to the voices of wisdom, we make better decisions, We
36:53
live with fewer regrets. We avoid becoming our own worst enemy.
36:59
So when we're time, whose advice are you currently ignoring?
37:05
And what's the narrative that fuels.
37:08
Speaker 2: Your ability to reject that advice?
37:13
Speaker 1: So wrapping up, these are the three preemptive habits I
37:16
hope that you'll take seriously. Number one, pay attention to
37:19
the tension. Number two, pay attention to your narratives. We've
37:23
talked to more about that today. And number three, pay
37:25
attention to the voices of wisdom around you. And again,
37:29
not just for your sake, This is not about you.
37:34
Speaker 2: This is as much.
37:34
Speaker 1: About the people around you. When Jesus, the night that
37:38
Jesus was arrested, he gave us our new covenant marching orders.
37:43
He reduced all the teaching of his people down to
37:47
one simple imperative he said, you are as my follower,
37:51
to love as I have loved you, To love as
37:54
I have loved you, We as Jesus followers. If you're
37:57
a Jesus followers, you cannot love as God through Christ
38:01
has loved you if you blow up your life over
38:04
selfish unwise decisions. Because you're not the only one that suffers.
38:08
The people around you suffer, which means if you're a
38:11
Jesus follower this idea these three things have less to
38:15
do with you than they do the people around you.
38:19
So pay attention, pay attention to that attention, Pay attention
38:23
to your conscience, pay attention to those narratives, the good
38:26
ones and the crazy ones and the odd ones, the
38:28
ones that don't make any sense. And pay attention to
38:30
the voices of wisdom around you.