Latest / Andy Stanley Sermons / Andy Stanley - Love Dates Heartbreaks Part 1The Right Person Myth

Transcript

Andy Stanley - Love Dates Heartbreaks Part 1The Right Person Myth · Andy Stanley Sermons

0:00
Hey, everybody, welcome to your Move, where we help you make better
0:02
decisions and live with fewer regrets. I'm Andy Stanley and I'll be your guide.
0:06
And today we're talking about love and romance and the right person myth,
0:11
the right person, myth, the right person? Myth is it that there's
0:14
not a right person the right person myth is? We'll stick around and we'll
0:17
talk about it right here on your Move. Hey, today we're kicking off
0:26
our brand new series that I'm super excited about love, dates and heartbreaks.
0:30
And as we jump into this real quick, I want to tell you who
0:32
this is for. This is for students who want to date and hope to
0:36
date. This is for graduates who want to date and hope to date.
0:39
This is for singles who are dating. This is for married people who are
0:42
trying to make their marriages better. This is for people who used to be
0:46
married and are jumping back into the scary, awful aquarium of dating where it
0:51
just seems so complicated and it's not like it was when you were eighteen,
0:54
and you're trying to figure that out. So this series is really for anybody
0:57
who's in a romantic relationship wants to be in a real manic relationship hopes to
1:00
be and is trying to figure it out. And one of the reasons that
1:03
I'm super excited about this series as well is this series gives me an opportunity
1:07
to talk about something that breaks my heart. And one of the things that
1:11
breaks my heart has to do with what we're going to talk about, because
1:15
watching people make relationship decisions that undermine their relationships that just breaks my heart.
1:21
I mean, watching people make decisions about their own relationships, whether it's marriage
1:25
or dating or whatever it might be that I know, and I'm not super
1:27
dialed in. I mean most people would watch them and think, oh,
1:30
no, you're gonna do what. Watching people make what's already complicated more complicated,
1:37
with making relationships that are already complicated more complicated, that just breaks my
1:40
heart. There is already enough, that's true, there's enough unavoidable pain in
1:45
the world. The last thing we need to do is to add to it
1:48
with our own decisions. And like you, it's not just me. I
1:51
sometimes I watch people and I think, have you have you have you thought
1:53
that through? I mean, have you really thought that through? Or have
1:57
you come on, have you really ever seen that workout anywhere else with anybody
2:00
else. I mean, it works out on Netflix, but I mean in
2:04
the real world, have you ever seen that actually work out in a real
2:07
relationship? Right? You've had these same thoughts? Or I think, has
2:10
no one warned you about this? I mean, did your mama not warn
2:15
you, or your grandmama or your dad, or a friend or a roommate.
2:16
I mean, am I the only one trying to get in your way
2:20
to say, hey, you need to think this through? And so it
2:23
breaks my heart to see people unnecessarily complicate their future relationships with current relationships,
2:29
or to complicate a current relationship with just a bad relationship decision. And I'll
2:34
tell you who else I'm excited about to be a part of the series are
2:36
those of you that are dating, and you're kind of serial daters. For
2:38
you, if a date doesn't end with sex, you don't even just chalk
2:42
it up to a loss. You're just in that place where you're like,
2:44
you know, one day, someday I'm going to settle down. But that's
2:46
one day some day, it's not this day. In fact, you don't
2:50
even really call it dates. That's something your parents did. It's kind of
2:53
a dark age, just thing. But you're in a season of life and
2:55
you're not ashamed of it or you're not a bashful about it. It's just
2:59
this is just where you are. It's kind of a use them and lose
3:00
them kind of rotate through. And that's your business because it's your life.
3:04
But I just got to tell you. And you may not care, but
3:06
that's heartbreaking to me too. And the reason that it's heartbreaking to me is
3:10
and you don't have to believe this is you're hurting you and you're hurting somebody
3:15
else. And here's what I know about you, even though we've never met.
3:19
You don't want to hurt yourself and you don't want to hurt other people.
3:23
In fact, if I were to confront you would say, no,
3:23
no, no, it's consensual. I'm not hurting anybody. But you know
3:27
there's such thing as consensual hurt. Like we're going to both agree to hurt
3:30
each other. I mean, it's consensual. But if it's consensual and it
3:32
still hurts a person, come on, it just still hurts a person.
3:37
And don't you don't want to do that. And here's the other thing that
3:39
concerns me about you. If that's the season of life you're in, I
3:43
don't want you to be And I made this up, so I don't know
3:45
if this is like a real thing. I don't want you to be a
3:47
liar for life. I don't want you to be a liar for life when
3:52
it comes time to tell your story, because what you're doing right now morally
3:55
and what you're doing right now relationally, these are chapters of your story,
4:00
and they are permanent parts of your story. And one day, believe it
4:03
or not, somebody's going to want to hear your story, and you're gonna
4:05
want to hear somebody else's story. And depending on what you do now,
4:09
you're gonna be tempted to lie about parts of your story, and you're gonna
4:13
be a liar for life because you're gonna have a secret, or you're gonna
4:15
have a series of secrets, or a season of life you don't want to
4:17
talk about. And when he gets to that season, you're gonna kind of,
4:19
you know, smooth over it a little bit. And I've talked to
4:23
too many women guys who married a guy and he told about half the story,
4:28
and a year later she found out the whole story. You're fifteen years
4:30
later she found out the rest of the story, and she's broken, and
4:32
she's heartbroken because she didn't get a chance to choose you with your whole story,
4:36
because you lied about your story. And the reason you lie about your
4:40
story, just to use an old fashioned word, is you were ashamed of
4:46
your story. You were embarrassed by your story. And here's the thing I'm
4:48
not getting on you. I don't want you to write an embarrassing story.
4:51
I don't want you to write a story you're embarrassed about. I want you
4:54
to write a good story. And you're writing the story of your life and
4:57
it's going with you. And I don't want you to be a lie for
5:00
life because of decisions you make now, because that breaks somebody's heart. And
5:06
I don't want you to be somebody else's regret. Right when they tell their
5:11
story when your name comes up, I want them to say good things about
5:14
you, don't you. And let's face it, when your name comes up,
5:17
they're gonna say something about you. You know they will, because you
5:20
say something about the people in your past, and you're deciding what they're gonna
5:24
say. And I don't want you to be somebody's regret. I want you
5:27
to be somebody's Oh yeah, I'm sorry it didn't work out. But he
5:30
was such a great guy. She was so great in her family and she
5:32
was Isn't that what you want said about you? And guys, I don't
5:40
want you to be a hypocrite. And here's what I mean by that.
5:47
If someone did unto your sister as you do unto the girls you date,
5:55
you may want to do something unto them. If someone did unto your niece
6:02
or your single mom as you do unto the girls you date, you may
6:08
want to do something unto them. I don't want you to be a hypocrite.
6:11
I mean, don't don't let there be duplicity, don't live a double
6:15
life, don't live with a double standard, because ultimately that hurts you,
6:16
and that hurts other people, and that just kind of breaks my heart because
6:19
it sets you up for trouble that you don't need in the future. And
6:25
ladies, and I don't like to really talk to ladies. I've never been
6:29
one, Okay, so I realize as soon as I is moving this direction,
6:32
I step out on very thin eye. So I'll just kind of put
6:34
out there and head backstage. But ladies, I don't want you to be
6:41
treated like a commodity. And you know what a commodity is. A commodity
6:45
is something that's bought and sold and traded and sometimes eventually just discarded. And
6:51
maybe, depending on your life and culture and the way you manage your relationships,
6:56
maybe you started to feel a little bit like a commodity. I don't
7:00
want you to feel that way. I want you to feel like someone who
7:04
has extraordinary value and extraordinary worth, not just based on what God says about
7:09
you, but based on the way that men treat you, and men.
7:12
I want you, I want you. This is kind of an old fashioned
7:15
word too. I want you to step up. I want you to be
7:17
gentlemen. See gentle men, gentle men is powerful, self control is powerful.
7:29
Deferring to the wishes of another person is powerful, Kindness is powerful,
7:34
Grace and mercy is powerful. And ladies, don't you wish there were more
7:40
gentlemen and ladies? I wish you would do whatever you have to do that
7:46
whatever is in your control to decide. I am no longer going to allow
7:49
myself to be mistreated. Now. There are two myths that kind of drive
7:56
all this confusion relationally, especially when it comes to how we manage our sexuality
8:01
and how we do dating and relationships and even within the context of marriage.
8:03
And like most myths, once you surface a myth and look at it,
8:07
you realize, well, that's just ridiculous. But these two myths actually kind
8:11
of sit in the undercurrent of our thinking and our assumptions about relationships. In
8:16
fact, they are really unexplored assumptions. And in any area of life,
8:20
financially, business, whatever it might you might do, whenever there's an unexplored
8:24
assumption, it's a very dangerous thing because an unexplored assumption will inform your decisions,
8:28
but you don't know it's informing your decisions, and you make bad decisions.
8:33
And these two relational myths inform so many of the decisions and our culture
8:37
and honestly, everything in our culture fuels these myths. These two myths,
8:41
for many of us, actually drive our relationship decisions. The first one is
8:46
this. You may have heard me talk about it before. I just call
8:48
it the right person myth. The right person myth is not that there's not
8:52
a right person for you. The right person myth is this that once you
8:56
that once you meet the right person, every thing will be all right.
9:01
And all the married people grumb will go, Yeah, that ain't true.
9:05
That ain't true because I met him. It's not true. It's not every
9:09
you're right right. The myth is that once you meet the right person,
9:13
everything's just gonna be all right, regardless of what you do between now and
9:16
then. The myth is this, I can play I can play around,
9:20
I can do whatever I want. I can treat guys away I want,
9:22
girls away I want. I can just do whatever I want. But when
9:24
I meet the right person, everything's gonna change. The past disappears. So
9:31
you think your problem is you just haven't met them yet, or you met
9:35
them and moved in with them, or you met them and you married them.
9:39
But now things aren't all right anymore, and you are slowly coming to
9:43
the conclusion that you must have chosen the wrong right person, and now you
9:52
are looking out for you, or looking for who. You're looking for the
9:56
next right person. And when I say it that way, it sounds rede
10:00
but let's be honest. This way of thinking fuels our relationship decisions, and
10:05
oftentimes it informs the direction that we take when it comes to relationships. That
10:09
I'm unhappy because I'm with the wrong person. You're unhappy because you're with the
10:11
right the wrong person, So you just need to find the right person.
10:15
Then everything's gonna be all right. That is a myth that once you find
10:18
them, once you find them, everything is going to be just fine.
10:24
Right. In fact, not only is everything gonna be fine, here's the
10:28
deeper part of the myth. The assumption is that once you find the right
10:31
person, everything's gonna be fine, including you. That you think somehow you're
10:35
gonna put all those bad habits, You're not gonna be interested in porn anymore
10:39
once you meet the right person. Right, guys, that your insecurity is
10:41
just gonna go away, your financial you know, bad habits, they're just
10:45
gonna go away because you're gonna find somebody with little coin and he's gonna kind
10:46
of help you manage all that. And it's just gonna get better if I
10:50
could just meet the right person. Not only is everything gonna be all right,
10:54
I'm gonna be all right. I'm gonna be a better person. I
10:56
love the line in Casey Musgrave's song thinking we will be fixed by someone else.
11:01
And it is a myth because as you know, there is more right.
11:09
You're adults there is more. There's more to a satisfying relationship than finding
11:13
or even being found. We just don't hear much about this. This does
11:16
not make great film. This does not make great television series. This doesn't
11:22
make great reality TV. What makes great reality TV and what makes great film
11:26
is people falling in love. That's what the whole movie's about. They finally
11:30
find each other. You know they're supposed to be together. It takes an
11:31
hour and forty five minutes for them to figure it out. And then they
11:35
figure it out and they're together, and then what happens the movie's over.
11:39
We love being entertained by people falling in love. But here's what we know
11:43
about falling in love because we're adults. Falling in love requires a pulse.
11:50
Falling in love requires a pulse. If you have a pulse, you can
11:54
fall in love. Staying in love requires so much more. And this series
12:00
is about the so much more. But of course you were not entertained by
12:03
the so much more as nobody's fault. It's just kind of the way it
12:05
is. The second myth I call the promise myth. There's the right person
12:09
myth and the promise myth. This myth maintains that basically, when it comes
12:16
to satisfying, you know, long term relationships, that all we need to
12:20
do is make a promise. That when it comes to relationships, a promise
12:24
actually replaces the need for preparation. That you can commit, promise, or
12:30
vow your way into a healthy, satisfying, mutually satisfying relationship. That you
12:35
can vow or promise or commit your way into a successful future, which is
12:39
ridiculous, and that everything that came before can be overcome with two things,
12:46
a promise and a party. A promise and a party. You're going to
12:50
stand at an altar and make a promise. Then you're going to have a
12:52
big party. The past disappears. You're going to be a brand new person,
12:56
a completely different kind of person, and you can promise or commit or
12:58
value your way into the future. And your spouse, your new fiance,
13:03
can promise or commit or vow his or her way into the future as well.
13:07
But promises, you know this, right again, you surface these myths.
13:09
It's like here that can't be true. Promises are never a substitute for
13:15
preparation, right. We know this in every other arena of life except relationships.
13:20
We know this in academics. You can't promise yourself to a degree.
13:24
You have to study in sports, business, medicine, discovery, business,
13:28
preparation for presentation. I mean, in every single arena of life, we
13:33
know that in order to win you have to prepare. Every coach knows you
13:37
don't promise to win games. What do you do? You have to prepare
13:41
to win? And this is true in your relationships. But who teaches us
13:45
to prepare? Who prepares us for relationships? Nobody? Every single day we're
13:50
told, if you just fall in love with the right person, everything's going
13:52
to be all right. And it's a myth. In fact, rationally you
13:56
know it's not true. And the whole idea that you don't have to prepare
13:58
for something to win in something you know that's not true, Which means,
14:03
and this is kind of tough to say that when it comes to relationships,
14:07
commitment, commitment is way overrated. Put it this way, I do doesn't
14:16
mean you can. Saying I do does not make you capable. Saying I
14:22
do makes you accountable. Saying I do doesn't make you capable, It makes
14:28
you accountable. And here's the bad news. When you're accountable but not capable,
14:33
you're miserable when you're accountable. Oh I'm stuck in this, but uh
14:39
oh, I don't know what to do with this, and I don't know
14:41
how to fix it, and I don't know how to make it better.
14:43
You're just miserable. So here's a brilliant statement. I mean, it's amazing
14:48
my intellect. If you aren't preparing, you won't be prepared. I probably
14:58
need you explain that. I mean, it's pretty deep. Let me go
15:01
slow, right, I mean again, it's it's just kind of common sense.
15:05
But I'm telling you you know this. When it comes to relationships,
15:09
common sense is not common We just ignore all the rules that we employ in
15:13
every other arena of life. I want you to be prepared. And for
15:16
those of you that are in a relationship or you're married, I want you
15:20
to start preparing because you're in and yes you love her, and yes you
15:24
love him, and you have kids together, and you're wondering and wondering.
15:26
Can we fix this? Of course you can, but you don't fix it
15:30
by just trying to, you know, do what you did in the beginning
15:31
and try to keep falling back in love with each other. There's a way
15:35
forward and that's why we're doing this series. Now. This is where the
15:41
message of Jesus just comes alive. This is, honestly, this is where
15:48
following Jesus makes all the difference right now in this world and this life,
15:52
in your current relationship. You've heard me say so many times. Following Jesus
15:56
will make your life better. Following Jesus will make make you better at life.
16:00
Well, Following Jesus will make your life better. And following Jesus will
16:04
make you better at relationships. It'll make you a better boyfriend, a better
16:07
girlfriend, a better husband, a better wife, a better parent, a
16:11
better fiance, a better future husband, a better future wife. That following
16:15
Jesus will make you better at life. In fact, following Jesus will make
16:18
you better at life. Before you come to the conclusion as to whether or
16:22
not you believe Jesus is the son of God, because Jesus left us with
16:26
one relational principle that is so extraordinarily powerful, so defining. It's kind of
16:30
the driving force behind everything else that we're going to say throughout this series.
16:36
Because whereas the teachings of Jesus won't help you find the right person, primarily
16:40
because people had arranged marriages back when Jesus came along, and by the time
16:44
they were thirteen, it was all said and done. It was all buttoned
16:47
up. I mean, didn't have much choice. But following Jesus, this
16:49
is the game changer. Following Jesus will help you become the person. It's
16:57
why every once in a while, maybe you've had this experience. You meet
17:00
someone from your past, you run back into them and they're different, and
17:03
they're good different. I mean they're kind of cleaned up and buttoned up,
17:07
and their eyes are clear, and there's this happiness on their face. They
17:11
seem to have their life together, and you start asking questions and you discovered
17:14
they became a Jesus follower, and they're different. They didn't meet somebody knew,
17:21
they became somebody knew. It's why when sometimes when you meet people from
17:27
the past, it's like you became a different person. Following Jesus will help
17:33
you become the kind of person that the person you're looking for is looking for.
17:40
Following Jesus will help you become the kind of person that the person who
17:45
was hoping for was hoping for, which brings us to this question. For
17:49
all of us married singles, students, graduates, whatever's that season of life
17:53
you're in. Are you the person? Are you the person? The person
17:57
you're looking for? Looking for? Are you just looking? Or are you
18:02
becoming? And Jesus has following me, you'll become if you're married. Here's
18:06
your version. Are you still the person? Are you still the person they
18:10
were looking for? Are you still the person they were hoping for? Or
18:14
have you allowed life and kids and money and stuff and busyness and business to
18:21
get in the way of what you were becoming of the person he or she
18:25
believed she was entering a relationship with. So Jesus steps into the pages of
18:33
history. We don't have time, but I mean the world that they stepped
18:37
into is unimaginable. And in spite of that, Jesus introduces a brand new
18:41
relational paradigm, A brand new relational paradigm that was a game changer beginning in
18:45
the first century and eventually got the attention of the Roman world and became central
18:51
in the life of Rome, and since that has circled the globe. A
18:55
relational paradigm that is simple, it's compelling, it's demanding, of course it
19:00
is, and it's also rewarding. So toward the end of his ministry,
19:03
Jesus has gathered with his guys and he's going to kind of give him this
19:07
sort of this is part of that last minute, you know, if you
19:08
forget everything else, remember this pep talk. And he begins with an illustration
19:12
that they were totally dialed into that were immediately like huh. Here's what he
19:17
said. He said, I am the true vine. I'm like a vine,
19:22
and my father God is the gardener. And whenever Jesus told a parable,
19:26
there's a God part, there's a Jesus part, and there's an US
19:27
part. He says, Okay, guys, here's how I want you to
19:29
think about your relationship with me. I'm like a vine. Now they understood
19:33
grape vines. They totally got it. I'm the vine, and my heavenly
19:37
Father is the gardener, the one that's tending the vine. He God cuts
19:41
off every branch that's plugged into me, the vine that doesn't bear any fruit.
19:45
Why Because the goal of Jesus, and the goal of this whole conversation
19:48
is to explain how people get connected to Jesus, and Jesus bears fruit through
19:55
them. While he says while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes
20:00
it. Why so there will be more fruit. So the goal clearly is
20:03
some kind of fruit bearing, to which we say, what's the fruit?
20:06
And he's gonna tell us in just a minute. By the way, your
20:10
life is bearing fruit too. Everybody's life bears fruit. It's your reputation,
20:15
it's the outcome of your decisions. It's that story that you like to tell,
20:19
in the story that you don't like to tell. So he says,
20:22
here's what you gotta do, and this is all relationship language. Remain in
20:26
me, and I also remain in you. A No branch can bear fruit
20:30
by itself. It's got to be remain in the vine. Again, he's
20:33
talking about something so familiar. If you take the branch off the vine,
20:36
the branch dies, it doesn't bear any fruit. He says. If you're
20:37
going to bear the fruit I want you to bear, you've got to stay
20:41
plugged into me. And now the application neither can you bear fruit unless you
20:48
remain connected or plugged in to me. That we can't bear fruit the way
20:52
that Jesus wants us to bear fruit unless we lean into him, or,
20:56
to use another word, Jesus used continue to follow him, and then he
21:00
says to them what they've already figured out. I am divine. You've already
21:03
said that. And you, guys are these branches I'm talking about. And
21:07
if you remain plugged into me and I and you, this is so cool.
21:11
I want to make you a promise. He says, You're going to
21:15
bear much fruit. You're not gonna bear much fruit because you're gonna learn how
21:18
to be a fruit bearer. You're gonna bear much fruit because you're plugged into
21:22
and following me. And then he defines what he means by fruit. And
21:26
this is so powerful. He says, just as the Father. This is
21:30
amazing that he makes his comparison. Just as the Father has loved me,
21:36
so I have loved you. So wait wait wait wait wait, okay,
21:40
you changed the subject. Okay, we're talking about gardens and fruit and vines.
21:44
Well we're now talking about love. He's like, just just hang with
21:45
me this I'm getting there. Just as the Father has loved me, just
21:49
as the Father has demonstrated his love through me, I have demonstrated the Father's
21:53
love through you. And here's what I want you to do. I want
21:56
you to remain in my love the same word he used to talk about the
22:02
branch staying connected to the vine. So it's like, wait, so God's
22:04
the gardener, you're the vine. I'm the branch. I'm just stay connected
22:07
to you. And when I think about staying connected to you, I'm supposed
22:11
to stay connected to your love exactly and this, and then here's the surprise.
22:17
If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, to
22:22
which we say, I knew it was a bait and switch. This is
22:23
just all about commands and rules. I knew it. It was still relational.
22:27
It was so warm and fuzzy, and something's gonna happen in me,
22:30
and one day my wife's gonna go, you're the man of my dreams.
22:33
After all, I'm just gonna become. And then you do what every church
22:37
person does. Now we're gonna talk about the Ten Commandments or some new commands,
22:41
and I'm sure the guys sitting there with Jesus are like, great.
22:44
I thought we were headed down a new direction. But you're saying, if
22:45
you keep my commandments, you will stay You'll remain in my love, to
22:51
which they're thinking, okay, you're Jesus, We're with you. So what
22:53
are the commands? Somebody write these down. I bet there's a bunch of
22:56
them. And here's the shocker. Here's why you should follow Jesus. Here's
23:03
why you should considering follow Jesus, even if you're not sure who Jesus is.
23:07
Jesus smiles. I think, and he says, okay, I'll tell
23:11
you, John, write this down. My command is this? Okay?
23:15
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Vine and Branch, we're plugging in.
23:19
You know, it's all about back and forth and somehow it's all about
23:22
the Father's love. And now we're talking about commands. And now you're saying,
23:25
there's just one command, right, just one command? All right?
23:30
What's your command? Love each other? We don't even need to write that
23:37
one down. We've heard that so many times. You know that. You
23:41
know that's not new to what Jesus would say. Hang on, I'm not
23:45
through because this isn't just about love the one you're with. This isn't just
23:48
about love. This isn't about oh, if we just all get along and
23:52
love each other. No, Jesus, remember this is Vine and Branch.
23:53
This is a different kind of love. This is a very specific kind of
23:56
love. I don't want you to just be more loving. I want you
24:00
to love specifically. I want you to have a focused love. Here's the
24:03
kind of love I want you to have. I want you to love each
24:06
other as I because this is about a relationship with me. I want the
24:11
love that you have seen demonstrated towards you. I want that same brand.
24:15
I want that same type. I want that same combination, that same formula
24:19
of love to flow through you. I want you to love as I have
24:23
loved you. Now I'm telling you. Sitting in the room that night,
24:29
they had some idea of what he was talking about. But a few days
24:33
later, Jesus would put on a demonstration of love take their breath away,
24:41
because it would take his breath away. And on the other side of the
24:45
resurrection, it's like, oh, this isn't some kind of permissive, figuring
24:51
it out on your own kind of love. This is the kind of love
24:53
where you put the other person first. This is the kind of love where
24:57
you lay down your life for a friend. This is the kind of love
25:00
that takes everything I have going for me and makes it available for you.
25:06
This is the kind of love where I do unto you as my father through
25:08
Christ has done un to me. Oh, this is what Jesus means by
25:17
abiding in him. It's not complicated, it's not super intangible, super spiritual.
25:22
It is about learning how and allowing the love that God has for you
25:26
to flow to others, specifically to those with whom you have a relationship.
25:30
Saint Augustine, by the way, Saint Augustine is in Florida. Saint Augustine
25:34
is in heaven. Just want to clear that up, Okay. St Augustine
25:37
makes this comment based on this unique, focused, christ like kind of love.
25:44
He says this, that he wrote this, He said love and then
25:47
basically, do whatever you want love and do as thou wilt. Once you
25:52
understand that the frame work for all of your relationships, the frame work and
25:56
the guiding force and the guiding principle, the north star of your behavior toward
26:00
the people around you, the people that you're raising, the people that you
26:03
live with, the people that you're married to. As long as you know
26:06
the north star is my behavior will be monitored through then looked at through the
26:11
fulfilter and the grid of God's love for me as demonstrated in Christ. He
26:15
says, once you have that down, you'll figure everything out that this is
26:19
how you become. This is how you become a person worth looking forward.
26:25
This is how you shift gears from just finding finding finding, And if your
26:29
marriage, if you're married, controlling, controlling, controlling and conforming and conforming
26:33
and conforming and pressuring and pressuring and pressuring. And if I can just ever
26:37
get her to act the way I want her to act, I'll be happy.
26:40
And if I could ever get him to stop and to start and to
26:42
begin and to start, if I could just get him shaped into the image
26:47
of what I want, then I would be happy. And Jesus says that's
26:48
never gonna work. I have an idea. Just follow me and learn from
26:56
me. In another place, that says, because I'm j and I'm humble
27:00
in heart, and you will find rest for your souls and you will find
27:04
peace in your relationships because I want to teach you how to love as I've
27:11
loved. And I'm telling you, when two people get on board with this,
27:15
when two people embrace this approach to relationship, it's amazing what happens.
27:19
This is how you become a person worth finding. But this is how you
27:22
become a person we're staying for. This is as we're going to see.
27:26
This is how you prepare to commit. This is how you prepare to stay
27:34
committed. This is how you make whatever relationship you're in better because both people
27:40
are becoming, and they're becoming in the same direction. Eve