Latest / Side Note... / From Cowboy Roots to College Dreams: A First-Gen Journey
Transcript
- Melissa: To side note with Melissa, where personal stories spark deeper connections, conversations, and questions. I want to share something kind of personal with you, a little bit vulnerable and maybe a little bit shocking regarding debt. I have a hundred thousand dollars in college loan debt. It's a lot, right? And here I am a lavender farmer with my own business. Didn't necessarily need a college degree to get the space that I'm at right now. So was it worth it? Was college important? Well, let's talk about it. Welcome to Side Note. This is episode five. And I want to talk to you about being a first generation college student and my experience with that. But first I think it's important to tell you a little bit about my background. My childhood, but also my parents, because I think that's important when we look at the history of our families and where they come from. Both of my parents come from really big families. My dad comes from a family of eight, my mom from a family of ten. And they were both blue-collar families with stay-at-home moms. And both of the families had mental health and addiction throughout. So what that meant for both of my parents was. Separately as individuals, is that they wanted to leave their families early. So neither my mom or my dad graduated from high school. My mom left home and she became a waitress when she was just a teenager. And my dad, having always been a cowboy, I've seen pictures of him when he was little wearing his cute little cowboy hat and on horses. He was the only cowboy in the bunch. And ⁓ so he'd always been a cowboy. And so he also quit high school to pursue ranching and rodeo. I think they met when they were nineteen. ⁓ their main goal was to have a family. And you know, it's funny, I don't know if you remember the the poem that's called something, I think all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, I think is what it is. And I love the sentiment of that, but I really almost feel like I want to change that to ⁓ everything I need to know I learned from having a cowboy dad and a mom who's a waitress. ⁓ of course, there's so much more that you need to know in this precious life of ours, but my mom taught me young how to wait on people and treat people and how to count change back. Which nobody knows how to do these days. And my dad also taught me hard work how to drive a stick shift, which also nobody knows how to do these days. So yeah, so I was raised on ranches by a cowboy and a waitress. And this really gave me grit and a lot of solid foundation as far as work ethic. And also how I view things, whether it was a good experience or ⁓ a challenging experience, it it gave me perspective. So I think it's important to know a little bit about the town that I grew up in, because I think that has a lot to do with our futures and how we see things. I grew up in a small town called Del Norte, but I was about six years old when we moved there. But before we got there, we had been living on a ranch in Wyoming. And I vaguely remember it, but we lived in a one room cabin in a really small town in Wyoming. And I remember my mom would take us out to the outhouse every night to go to the restroom before bedtime. And then she would leave a Folgers can by the mattress on the floor. ⁓ just in case we needed to go to the bathroom during the night. When you're a kid, that really didn't matter, but I do remember it. And so when we moved to Colorado to the Flying W Ranch, the cattle operation, and my dad had gotten a job as the manager out there. And the owners of that ranch bought my family a trailer home. This trailer home brand new was so wonderful for me. I mean, I loved it. It smelled new. I had my own bedroom. And ⁓ my brother and I shared a bathroom that was just down the hall. It was right between his own room and my own room. And it was amazing. And I remember I looked out my window. of my bedroom and I could see a field of purple irises in the summer in Colorado. And side note, you know something really strange? Even to this day, when I have dreams about the ranch, it's me as a little kid looking out that window and seeing purple irises. I think it was very pivotal for me, a very memorable. The Flying W Ranch was about five miles outside of the small town of Del Norte. And Del Norte is in the San Luis Valley. It's in the Rio Grande County in Colorado. It's a very small town, one stoplight in town. Almost everybody there are farmers and ranchers. We went to school four days a week. So we would have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to work on the ranches and the farms, but also for sports. That's where I grew up, on the Flying W ranch outside of Del Norte, a small town in the San Luis Valley in Colorado. As far as school in Del Norte, we had a total of about 200 in the high school. And I was always a good student. I really always loved and enjoyed school. And my home life was good. I mean, I loved growing up on the rant. My parents were hard workers. My mom also did stay at home mom stuff, cooking and Being a rancher's wife, there were alcoholism and mental health issues in the home. And I just learned to cope with it in different ways through the years. And side note, I was always self-motivated. Even as a kiddo in elementary school, I think there were things that, you know, my parents did as far as raising me that was a part of who I was and I give them credit for that. But honestly, I think it was just a big part of how I was born and how I felt about myself. I just always remember thinking that there was something else and there was something more. That's not to say that what they were doing as a cowboy and a waitress wasn't good enough, because it certainly was. My dad loved being a cowboy. My mom was a really good waitress. This is how they made a living. I think I just observed some things about it as a young kid that stuck in my mind also. And I think a lot of it was the financial part. I saw struggle there. And a lot of kids observe this. I internalized it. I felt it. Just made me think about things in my future. And I learned from that. And I also saw, just like any kid would with their parents, things that stressed them out. For me, I thought naively about it. I observed this and witnessed this with them and their jobs. And I thought, what do I need to do that they didn't do to not have that kind of life as far as struggle or stress? And I naively thought it was going to college. Now, of course, going to college does create options for us, gives us opportunities and options that we wouldn't normally have. But anybody who's gone to college knows that it's not the answer to. a dream life or a dream job. But when I was younger, I certainly thought that's the missing piece. That's what I need to do in order to have a career that I love. A career versus a job, right? I was convinced that I wanted to be in professional white-collar jobs versus blue-collar jobs. And so in high school had a good experience, but definitely had challenges with my dad with mental health. So I remember things like him picking me up after school when I was in high school. He would be drunk and I would kind of be silly and playful and I'd say, ⁓ I want to learn how to drive. I want to learn how to drive. Let me drive. And so I would drive us home so that we were safe. It was just sort of how I coped when I did get a license and I had this old Ford escort. And I remember often driving home from school and on the dirt road and I would see a tractor out in the field and it was stopped and my dad was kind of slumped over the steering wheel and I would stop the car and stomp out there. I'd be really mad, but still loving him dearly and shake him and wake him up and say, you know what, you you gotta get up, you gotta get home. I coped with Just doing really well in school, staying active. I had safe places too. So the ranch was my safe place. I loved the ranch. And my best friend Kylie was always out at the ranch with me. There was just something magical about it. If you're a ranch kid, you know. There was always something to do, always something to discover and explore. And it was Colorado. I mean, it was just Beautiful. And the Rio Grande River also ran through the Flying W Rant. We lived near the river too. And so it was a wonderful childhood that was sprinkled with these aspects of alcoholism and mental health growing up. But my safe spaces were also at Kylie's house. I spent a lot of time with her and her family. And then also in high school, I got a boyfriend and he was a safe space for me. He was responsible in school. He was in sports, being around him made me also want to continue on that path. Now, was it because of him that I was a good student? I think it supported my wanting to do that. But I think I was always a good student. This was something I always wanted better for myself. But he did encourage that part because there were things about it that I didn't understand. And ⁓ he was definitely on the path to higher education. So that was a safe space too, just being with him, not necessarily being at his house because his parents did not make me feel comfortable. I'll just say that. I think for them it was sort of I was the girl on the other side of the tracks that was dating their son. Jake was a safe spot for me. That was my high school experience. It was very positive. I was a cheerleader. I was in sports. I was a good student. I was dating Jake. I had my best friend Kylie. I was living on the ranch. I loved being on the ranch. My family was struggling with alcoholism and mental health, but we were there. We were together. It was a good childhood overall. But I knew that I wanted to go to college. Now, side note, I just have to say that I always kind of in the back of my head and my heart wanted to go to college in California. Small town girl in Colorado wanted to go to California. How did I know about California? My parents had taken us on a family vacation to Disneyland in Anaheim, California, when I was about ten. And we brought my best friend Kylie and we drove out there. And I remember they saved for over a year for this vacation. Like this was a big deal for my family. And we had a great experience to have really positive memories of my mom and my dad and my brother and Kylie. But the thing that really stuck out for me was being in the back seat of the car and we were probably somewhere in LA or Anaheim and I just remember looking out the windows and seeing palm trees. And there was something magical about that. And I loved it. And I just think in the back of my head, I thought, I am going to come back here someday. But when I went into high school, got a boyfriend and got on that path, it was, I need to go where he's going. He was a year ahead of me and he had gone to Colorado State University, one of the major universities in Colorado, in Fort Collins. So when I went out for a college information session or tour, I drove to Fort Collins by myself. And I remember I was in this kind of presentation in the admissions office. I looked around and all these prospective students were with their parents. The parents were asking questions and I really didn't even know what to ask. But they were asking things like major versus minor. You would think that I would have known what that was, but I just didn't. I was confused by it. Bachelor's, master's, undergrad, graduate. So I just sat there and I just listened. I just paid attention. I knew that I just had to go to college. And so I graduated high school in 1994, and I had gotten admitted to Colorado State University. And I wasn't sure what I was gonna study or anything like that. That was the path that I was on. And I remember driving away to go to college, and I had this feeling on that dirt road, driving away to college, being the first in my family to graduate high school, being the first in my family to go to college. And Just looking back and the house was behind me and the ranch behind me and I felt really good, like excited that in my head I was like, I'm going to outrun whatever it is I'm leaving behind, addiction, mental health, struggle. I'm gonna outrun that. Also, I still felt sort of this cloud of sadness, like, well, what's gonna happen to them? You know, who's gonna take care of them? I felt that burden, even though I shouldn't and even though they were not expecting that from me. That's how I internalized things as a child of an alcoholic. But I had worked so hard in high school. And I just remember thinking, along with my self-motivation, I just remember always thinking, I knew that I had to keep moving forward and that there was something else for me. The other thing that was a big challenge for me was this whole idea of paying for college, which goes back to my point at the very beginning of this episode, and that is the debt that I'm in. And it's shocking and it's overwhelming when you first hear it. I've kind of just gotten used to it. It it being there and how I'm handling it. But at the time, I just thought, well, how does a student like me go to college. There's no college fund. There's no savings. There's nothing like that. And I remember in the information session, people were asking about it and they started talking about this thing called The FAFSA, free application for federal student aid, the FAFSA. And that gave me a lot of hope because they said, okay, you're gonna fill out this FAFSA and it's gonna determine your EFC. And your EFC is the expected family contribution. So I had to fill this out. And that was as a first generation college student, guys, even that was a challenge because a lot of times with families, it's your parents filling this out because it's their taxes. information, their assets, what they owe, what they own, what they make and their salary. I was having to fill that out and ask them questions and try to figure out certain things. And I mean, I filled out the application and my EFC expected family contribution based on the formula of the FAFSA was zero. And that basically meant that my parents could not contribute anything to my going to college. Which didn't surprise me. And again, it there's a lot of students like that. This is not a good or a bad thing. It it just is what it is. And college loans are just a part of that process. And they certainly were for me back in the nineties. And so during this information session, they had talked about pale grants and loans and work study. And again, at this point between the application requirements the financial aid information and then just even talking about orientation and registration. I just remember telling myself, don't get overwhelmed in the details. Just take it step by step. First fill out your college application, then fill out the FAFSA, and then just go from there each little step. And that is what got me through it. I was accepted to Colorado State University. So I was on the path to go where my High school boyfriend had gone and we would be there together and would be fully funded through the FAFSA. I had gotten pale grants because of the low income status. And that was good because grants I didn't have to pay back. I got full loans, which I knew I would have to pay back after I graduated college. And of course, At the time when you're just going into college in your late teens or early twenties, you're thinking, ⁓ yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll I'll pay those back. I'll graduate college and I'll get a job, a really good job, because I've got a college degree, of course, and I'll be making lots of money and I'll pay back those loans. Sure, no problem. I think most of us know it doesn't exactly go like that, but life. And I got a work study job. A work study job was basically working on campus, getting paid, and that was really pivotal for me in the things that I would decide to pursue. I had already kind of discovered this passion of helping other first generation college students. I had felt that early on because of my experience in Being in that information session and being there by myself and hearing these questions and I'm getting confused. Like I don't know what a major or minor is. I mean, these are things you would think I would know as a senior, but in high school, but I just never had those conversations at home. So that desire to want to help other first gens started early. And it was divine intervention that I got a work study position in the Office of Admissions at Colorado State University. I mean, how amazing is that? And so much divine intervention that I remember that I when I applied for the job as a college counselor, but I went in for the interview with ⁓ the director at the time was her name was Brett. And I remember the interview was awful. I did a terrible job and I thought, wow, I'm definitely not getting that job and it Truly was. It was a bad interview. I think I was nervous or something. I'm not quite sure. Now at that point in my life, I was so used to doing everything so well and I was just like, ⁓ my gosh, I'm bombed. But Brett called me and when I saw her calling, I answered. And when I heard her voice, this is Brett from the Office of Admissions. I thought I was waiting for her to be like, we're so sorry. Thank you for applying, but we decide to go with somebody else. But she did the opposite. She said we'd really like to offer you a job in the office of admissions as college counselor. I couldn't believe it. In that moment I knew God had a hand in that because I I had a terrible interview. But it didn't matter because I was meant to work in the office of admissions for so many reasons. So I did that. I was going to school full time as an undergrad. I was working about 20 hours as an admissions counselor. And the other people that I met the full-time career counselors, ⁓ Vado Maldonado, Mary Otiveros then became the director. Timmelyn O'Neill. I mean, like these are the names that I remember. Patrick Berner, he was also a work study student. These are the people that I remember learning so much from about higher ed. Now, side note, one of the other reasons that I think I was meant to work in the Office of Admissions, there was another young lady who got a work study job in the Office of Admissions, ⁓ ex in out of state student. Named Daniela. And I remember when I met Daniela and I saw her and I said, ⁓ my gosh, my brother would love you. And of course, y'all know that Daniela is my sister-in-law now, and they own Hill Country Ice Cream. And if you've listened to the other episodes, you know that's one of the reasons that I moved to Texas. Not the only reason, but one of the reasons. So fast forward, I invited her to my wedding. And that's where she met my brother. So that's that side note. But there I was working in the office of admissions. I was also an ambassador. So we gave tours of the campus. And I was actually getting to sit down with prospective students, many of them who were low-income and first generation college students, just like myself, and talk to them about college. And I loved working with the first gens because I explained it to them in a way that I only wished everybody had explained it to me. I was very gentle with the process of VAFSA and explaining it step by step because I'd wished that somebody had done that with me. I loved doing that. The other thing that happened at the Office of Admissions was I'd done a training manual on training other new counselors coming in how to counsel students. So I was very much learning kind of ⁓ curriculum development and writing and training and that. Teacher aspect. But also at that time, they were only doing information sessions maybe once a month. And it was just more one-on-one counseling. But I think higher ed was there was an increase in admissions, and the all of different higher ed admissions offices at other universities as well all started doing presentations on admissions, not just once a month or a couple of times a month, but twice a day. They were doing these information sessions for their prospective students and their parents who were coming to visit, asking questions about admissions, financial aid, programs of study. I remember I was really nervous about this. I was not a public speaker. I was an introvert, still am an introvert. And this idea of getting up in front of a group of 15 to 25 people twice a day, giving an information session on all of these requirements. really kind of freaked me out. It also freaked out the full time admission counselors. Those that worked in my office, it was their full time job. They didn't like this either. A lot of people don't like public speaking, but it was such a good lesson for me because I had to do it and I was thrown into it. And they said, you gotta do this. And so I figured out a little secret for myself. So if you ever have to public speak and you're nervous, here's a little tip. And I used to tell my students about this too. when I would teach and they were we were they were doing presentations, I would share these public speaking tips with them. But this is what I learned as a nineteen year old working as an admissions counselor who then had to do public speaking sessions. I held a brochure. I held a brochure in my hands that Talked about Colorado State University and I handed out all the brochures to all the visitors. So they had their own brochure. And it's almost like when you're reading a book to a group of little kids and you're showing them the pictures and you're holding the book up. So I was doing that. And what that did was that shifted the stairs onto me over to the pamphlet. And then I would talk about the admission requirements and then I would refer them to page three. where we had index that showed test scores and GPAs. Well, then of course everybody's looking down at their brochure, not at me. And so then that just took away all the pressure. And I loved that. Then the full-time counselor said, ⁓ my gosh, you you've gotten so good at this. Will you help me? So I told them my secret. I said this is what I do for for public speaking. And I loved then Giving the presentations on admissions and financial aid. And I described it so well, so slowly, so carefully, so that the first gen students in that audience would understand what I was saying. Now, as far as what I decided to study as an undergrad, choosing a major, if you will, I mean, let's talk about this for a second. Side note, who really knows what they want to do? Who really knows what they want to study? Of course, there are people who know the path they're going on. They pick a major, they stay in that major. That is their career path. Great. But I mentioned this in another episode. That's just not the majority of people. And studies have shown that students change their major three to five times as an undergrad. And it's not a shameful thing. It's Totally understandable. How would we know as the 18, 19, 20 year old what exactly we want to do? We haven't even lived enough life to know what we want to do or what our strengths are. And we know as fully grown adults that we could be midlife and change or still be trying to figure it out. So I think it's a just a really crazy thought that we are asking those seniors in high school, where are you going? What are you going to study? Because maybe they know, but Chances are they don't and they're trying to figure that out. I think that that is a big reason also that college is important. Now, is it worth a hundred thousand dollars in debt? But the college experience, even without the classes, is educational. And important. And that is what leads us to understanding what our passions are, what we're good at, what we like, and what we should major in. But like most students, I went through different stages and different majors trying to figure it out. And the first one was I went in as an occupational therapy major, if you can imagine that. And maybe you can, because in theory, it was a good fit. It was a helping profession. And I think the other thing was I was still kind of following in the footsteps or the shadow of my boyfriend. And he was studying physical therapy, sports medicine with the goal of physical therapy in graduate school. So I think in my head I just thought, ⁓ well, he's gonna be a P T. Well, I'll be an OT. And how cute is that? We'll be PTs and O Ts together. But I tell ya, I did an internship for a month and I said, no way, I am not doing this. This is not for me. This is not my forte. There are lots of people whose strengths and passions fall within this career, and it's not for me. So then the next step was, well, business. Business would be good. And I can use that in lots of different things. And I got my first D every. D is in dog in accounting. And I was devastated. I'd never gotten bad grades. I'd never even gotten a C before. And this accounting just I didn't get it, which explains a lot at this point, but I don't like accounting. and so I then thought, well, I like my sociology class, I love my anthropology class, I loved the communication classes, and I loved the psychology classes. So I switched to liberal arts with an emphasis in psychology. And man, I loved it. I loved it. And I just have to give a shout out to the late professors William Harvey and Ann Gill, those two professors from CSU. Just I still remember them to this day. I took a speech communication class with Ann Gill. She was a former lawyer who was a big advocate for free speech. And she took that experience and brought it into the class. And she was just an amazing professor. And William Harvey was an amazing African American professor in liberal arts, smoke like a train, was just amazing in his teaching skills and presentations and his the his energy and the way he was with students. Students loved him. So I had some really good professors in liberal arts that also made a difference. And again, that stuck with me because I thought not only do I love these classes, but the other thing that makes a big difference in loving your classes is a damn good teacher. You could be in a class, a subject matter that you love, but if the teacher sucks, you're not gonna like the subject. And so that stayed with me. Now side note, speaking of good teachers and good advisors. As I was in these liberal arts classes, I kind of started thinking, well, this is fun, but I want to go towards something, you know, more challenging. And so this idea of pre-law came into my mind. Not a bad idea. I will tell you that I had an experience that I'll never forget. And so I had gone to an advisor who was also teaching. They were teaching classes in liberal arts and so they were pre-law advisors and also teaching. And I expressed to this man that I was considering pre-law. And I probably met with him for maybe 10, 15 minutes and I explained to him that I loved my liberal arts classes and how I was doing and why I was interested in law. He said to me, I highly discourage you going into pre-law. It's very competitive. It's very discouraging. You're Probably not gonna do well. And then he said, and you've got a pretty face. So just pick something else and it'll be a lot easier for you. Man. If somebody would said say something like that to me now, of course, my response would be ⁓ much different. But can you imagine as a twenty something and hearing that, I knew that it was not right. But I didn't have the words. in that moment, like I would, of course, today, in that moment to respond to him. In fact, it stayed with me all of those years. And it wasn't until my late 30s after some mediation and advocacy training that I'd gone through, which was intense. I'll tell you about that another episode. But that led me to send several emails. To several individuals that I had interacted with throughout my life, him being one of them. And I'd looked at my old transcripts and old paperwork from CSU because I couldn't remember his name. And this was in my mid to late 30s. I found his name, but I emailed the department and I said, just wanna share with you my experience as an undergraduate student in 1997. This is where I was in college. This was the meeting that I had with an advisor who also taught in the department. And this is what he told me. And that was it. And I sent the email. I got a response back and it was a legitimate acknowledgement and apology for that. ⁓ but yeah, that happened. So yes, I had changed my major from OT to business and then landed in liberal arts. And based on what I had done in high school for jobs and my interest and what I wanted for myself, this made a lot of sense. Because again, remember, I was self-motivated, self-determined, and was always looking for better opportunities. So even with the jobs that I had in high school and junior high, okay, sure, I cleaned hotel rooms. I was a waitress with my mom. She started me at that when I was 12. Also in a small town, there's not a lot of opportunities. I had to create these cool jobs that I wanted. And I think I was 14 or 15, when I was really excited to work in an old-fashioned ice cream shop in South Fork, a nearby town. And the owner said, ⁓ you're gonna be an old, old-fashioned soda jerk. And I loved the idea of me being a soda jerk. There were other people in high in high school that were working at the gas stations or mowing lawns. And of course, that was all fine, but I wanted something different. The other thing that I did was went to another nearby town called Mona Vista. We'd call it Monty. And went to their chamber of commerce and looked at all their brochures. And I thought, well, these are kind of boring. And so I asked them if they would hire me to rewrite. This is me as a 15 year old, rewrite their city visitor informational brochures. And I did, and I loved it. I got to write about their events and the summer activities and the rodeos and all of that. And then also in high school, the coolest job that I had was I was a DJ at the local radio station. KSL V. I remember it was really fun because I would record ⁓ I would do live radio shows on the sports month. So I did that. I would record weather reports. And it was really funny because my mom would pick me up at the end of my shift at the radio station and we would listen to my recorded weather reports on the way home. That was a proud moment for me. So knowing that I liked all of these things, that I'd had my FCC license in high school, that I liked writing, that I liked presenting, that led me to, I think, liberal arts, because it was a very good, broad general major that I could explore those different things. Now, let's just talk about advocacy offices here for a second. The advocacy offices, if you know what they are at college campuses, these are offices that Help underrepresented students. And when I heard that, I thought, ⁓ my gosh, these are my people. I'll be able to find a group that I resonate with because I am low income. I'm first generation college student. I come from a community of Mexican American and white farmers and ranchers. And I'm kind of feeling a little out of sorts here. I remember I had gone to my first lecture class as a freshman for. hundred students in a class in a lecture when my entire graduating class had 45 students. My entire high school had 200 students. So it was a culture shock. So when somebody told me about these advocacy offices, I thought, yes. But I remember learning about them at the time it was Hispanic student services, African American student services, Asian American student services. I was like, well, wait a second. Do you have any help for a low income first gen white girl coming from an alcoholic family in a small town? I mean, I just felt it to ⁓ I didn't completely understand the feelings that were going on at the time, but I was like, what? And so I felt even a little more lost at a big university given where I came from. Now I did have my boyfriend at the time and he was big support system. And that was good, but that was also You could see how that was also not good for a young woman who was looking for other ways to gather encouragement and support. Having said that, I did get married to my high school boyfriend, my second year of college. And we knew that we would be getting married ever since high school. Like this was the narrative that we told ourselves that everybody around us knew that we were. High school sweethearts and we were gonna get married. And so my undergrad college experience was I got married. I was working in the admissions office as an admissions counselor, giving tours of the campus. I'd also to save more money for our wedding, I got a second job in the mall at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. And I just gotta tell you this little side note story because it's kind of funny. When I got hired. They said one of the quote requirements was they wanted us to be able to try everything in the store because they wanted us to be able to tell customers what it tasted like, what it was. And so, mind you, my shift every day started at five o'clock. I got hungry for dinner right around six o'clock. And my dinner was chocolate. I remember I had gotten my wedding dress. It had already been fitted, and then it got too tight because I was working at the Rocky Mount Chocolate Factory. But then, and this wasn't even planned, like losing weight wasn't planned, but it did happen that way, I think luckily, because obviously I'd been eating too much chocolate. But a month before the wedding, I quit that job because I was getting ready for the wedding and I needed to do all these different things. And that was the plan was just to have the job long enough to save money. But because I was no longer working there a month before the wedding and no longer eating chocolate every day. I lost the weight and my dress not only fit me, it was too big. Even though I changed my major ⁓ from OT to business to liberal arts, I still graduated on time, which was important to me because the longer you're in college, the more debt you're racking up. And so I graduated in 1998. My Then husband, as I'd mentioned before, wanted to go to graduate school. His dream, his goal was to be a physical therapist. He got admitted to a graduate program in Denver. So we moved to Denver and he was going to school full-time and wouldn't work. Notice I said wouldn't, not couldn't, but he wouldn't work because he was in school full-time. So I worked full-time and then I had a weekend job. Now at first, I had that shock of graduating college. Remember that thought of like, ⁓ I'm gonna go to college. And as soon as I graduate, somebody's gonna knock on my door and say, ⁓ I heard you have a college degree. Here's your new career, and we're gonna offer you fifty thousand dollars a year with health insurance and retirement. And then life is gonna be great. But as we know, that does not happen. and so I was like, ⁓ my gosh, I have to get a job. So there was this big department store in Colorado called Dillard's. And I remember I got hired there and I was so disappointed because, you know, with my background of being a DJ and being an admissions counselor and working really hard and finishing college and now I'm working in a department store and I hated it. The thing that I will always remember is the lady that was my manager and she said, Well, we're gonna put you in this department. And so it was either, you know, shoe department or women's clothing or home and then the department where you can sell Purses. Well, she had heard me talk to a customer and I was showing the customer, I think it was a coach purse, you know, in the locked cabinets, very fancy. And she took me aside and she said, Now you need to know we do not say purses. We say handbags. I thought, ⁓ my God, get me out of here. I'll never forget that. I didn't stay there. I got a position. At Mesa State College. A full-time real job, salary benefits, everything. Like this was the plan the whole time. Mesa State College now is called Mesa State University, but their main campus is in Grand Junction, Colorado. They had a satellite office in Denver. And so I was a recruiter there. So two major things happened when I worked at Mesa State College. Now, I have to tell you just a funny little random side note story about Mesa State College, the satellite office. It was in Arvada. Arvada is a suburb of Denver. The other thing that was in Arvada was the Jolly Rancher Factory. So they actually closed down in 2002. This was at the end of 1998, 1999, and every day driving to work, I could smell the Jolly Rancher factory and I could always tell which flavor They were making that day or that week. It's so random, but it was just like I'll never forget it. I'm like, ⁓ they're making Apple Jolly Ranchers today. Crazy. But regarding Mesa State, aside from it being an amazing full-time job in higher education, I also became a member of CESDA, which was a professional organization in the state of Colorado. The aim was to promote and help support underrepresented students. And I always resonated with that. Low-income first generation that always meant a lot to me for obvious reasons. And CESDA was a big part of that. And a part of that underrepresented category was also, of course, minority students. But my focus was always low-income and first generation college students. So I was working at Mesa State, I was working with students, I loved it. But two major negative traumatic things happened while I was working at Mesa State. The first one was that I had a female supervisor manager who was, and I don't say this lightly, who was extremely, and I say extremely verbally abusive. It was awful. She was a few years older than me, very, you know, career-oriented in higher education. There had been other complaints against her from other female. people that she was supervising, not usually men, it was all women. The challenge for me was that we were in a satellite office. So oftentimes it was just she and I. Now at the time I suspected and now a as I got older and reflecting on it, I definitely knew that it wasn't just somebody who was mean. There was definitely a clinical diagnosis there. I mean, it was extreme. I had to report it to HR because I couldn't deal with it and it was it was bad. And I knew I had to have that job because I was supporting myself and my husband at the time while he was in graduate school. This was a big problem. And we had we meaning me and other women that said that they had experienced it too, but had filed some complaints through HR. HR had done certain things to try to find a solution and that maybe helped temporarily, but it was still Because it was clinical also. There was a clinical issue that was unmedicated, it seemed. And so it's not gonna go away, of course. So I was almost afraid to go to work. But then the other traumatic event happened. Now I'll take you back in time for a second. Think about this. Nineteen ninety nine, Colorado, Denver, Littleton, the Columbine shooting happened. The two shooters, Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, fifteen people died. They went into the school, they killed, they shot twelve students, one teacher, and then they committed suicide. Columbine was one of the high schools that we visited often and recruited from because of course we were a Colorado college recruiting at the high schools in the Denver area. This shook everybody, obviously, but for those of us working in higher ed, going to this high school, recruiting students, I mean, everybody has a different perspective. Between that terrible thing happening and my supervisor, I was like, I have got to find something else. And so through CESDA, a friend had shared with me that they heard that the University of Colorado at Boulder was hiring. And I thought, ⁓ boy, that would be hard to get a job there. And they say, it is. Everybody wants to work at Seaboulder. It is like the top university in Colorado. when they have an admissions position open, hundreds of people are applying and they had four positions available. But I felt good about it. I mean, I had prepared for this. I was a first gen. I was low income. I was in CESDA. I had worked as an undergrad admission counselor. Like this was My career. This is what I decided I wanted to do for my life career. Working at the University of Colorado Boulder was the next step. And so I killed the interview, right? In such a good way. I I got hired with four other admission counselors. My experience at CU Boulder was incredible. There were challenges about it for sure, but and it was funny because they loved to tease me because I was from CSU, which is of course the main rivalry when it comes to sport. You know, you've got the CSU Rams versus the CU buffs. It was a great job to have if you wanted to be working in higher education. And so my job was the same as Mesa State, and that was to go to local high schools and recruit students, but also I had territories throughout the United States. So I got to travel and go to places I'd never been and recruit students. And then we also made decisions on student applications. So we would look at GPA, test scores, letters of recommendation. And the college essay was really important. And of course for me as a writer, I loved reading through the essays, but I gotta tell you, There were it was a few years, you know, after the Columbine incident that we were reading essays from students from Columbine who were talking about their experience in their essays. And it was really sad and heartbreaking to read these these essays. And so that's what I did at the University of Colorado Boulder. I was also on their ⁓ committee for diversity recruiting, which included underrepresented students. ⁓ being first gen and low income. And my boss, even at the time, Kevin McClinnan, I'll never forget him. He was a good boss, but he would always tease me because he'd say, We always can depend on Melissa talking about the first generation college students. She's always gonna be there advocating for them and and I did. That's all I ever talked about was what about the first gens? What about the first gens? And I'd also got an award through CESDA for my work with that. It was a great experience at the University of Colorado Boulder. After working there for about two years, another life event happened for me. And I remember when I was married, I was working really hard. My then husband was almost graduating from physical therapy school. You know, ever since we were in high school, the conversation was, and I think it was literal, but I think it was also a lot in my head, was we're gonna Go to college together, we're gonna get married, he's gonna go to PT school, and then we're both gonna have careers. And maybe I'll go to graduate school, but undergrad should probably be good enough for this first gen student. I mean, don't wanna ask for too much, right? That was gonna be our life, most likely in Denver or one of the areas where He would get a physical therapy job and I would get a job in higher ed. And at the time, of course, I was working at Sea Boulder and that was an amazing job. There were maybe one or two times I had said, Do you think we could ever move to California? Dare I ask? And it's just funny to even think about because at the time that was my dream. That was a dream that I'd Kind of forgotten about in the back of my head. And I already knew the answer, his answer. It's like, are you crazy? California's crazy. People are weird there. Blah, blah, blah. But it was just like, absolutely not. That is never going to happen. And I was okay with that because as much as that was sort of a dream of mine since I was a kid, simply because I'd gone to Disneyland and seen palm trees and wore my little pink t-shirt that said UCLA. Other than that, I was married, a ⁓ Had graduated college. I loved working in higher education. Like this was good. But we were having problems in our marriage. And then there was a shift when he graduated and got a job back where we grew up. That's where I put my foot down. I said, I'm not going back there. I'm not living my life there. I was also confused because I'd worked so hard and it seemed so obvious to me that. while he may have found a physical therapy job at the local hospital there, what about me? So I remember asking him that question, being hopeful in an answer that I was hoping to hear. And I said, Well, what about me? Because I also thought not only am I gonna keep working at in higher ed at CU Boulder, but I also was like, Well maybe I should go to graduate school and get a degree in higher education, administration or something like that. Since this is my life career here. His answer honestly broke my heart. And so I said, Well, okay, you got a job in physical therapy. What am what about me? What am I gonna do? And he said, Well, you know what? I've thought about that and I I asked my parents about it. My dad said that you could be his assistant. And it broke my heart. It did because I just thought, Wow, that's what you think about me. That after all these years, it was so crushing. And of course now as an older person, I I Get where he was coming from. He was also young. He also had hopes and dreams, like all of that stuff. But at the time, here was this man, the only man I'd ever been with that I thought knew me and I thought we were on this path of life together, supporting each other's goals and dreams. And that didn't seem to be the case. And don't get me wrong, his dad wasn't an a dean of a college and I was gonna be his assistant. His dad was a realtor and I would have been his secretary, most likely. I said no. And so one thing led to another, another story, but one thing led to another. We got a divorce. I was at CU Boulder. I was super sad going through this depression because this was a hard time for me, right? I think I was 23-ish. Kylie was there for me through it. Just a struggle. And two of my good friends at CU Boulder, and it's so boulder, I have to say, because they said, Come over, come over to our house. You need to relax. We wanna help you and help support you. And just come over. Let's just chill out and hang out. That was the first time I smoked marijuana, got totally stoned, laughed a lot, didn't make a habit of it or anything. I remember that. Very, very much bolder. Then I heard that voice. And I don't think it was the marijuana. I heard the voice. And I think it was my higher self saying, Hey, you. Here we are now. Now, remember those California dreams you had? In alluding to my next move after the divorce, it looks like I'll be heading west, and I'll tell you all about that starting in next week's episode, episode six. But I'm curious how this episode resonated with you in thinking back on your own timeline and the choices that you made regarding college or no college or vocational training or just your career choices and changes. I'm curious about the observation of the cues and the connections, one thing leading to another. I mean, you've heard in my previous episodes about how I became an aesthetician. It's not all linear. You know, then I went back and did other things I never expected to with that experience. So it's like in talking to younger people, it's really wanting to encourage them just to be observant, to pay attention to these cues and these connections. Sure, grades are important. Planning is important. But we know that there are other things in this world that are involved in what happens next. And, you know, even my experience with choosing a major, you know, I did an internship, didn't like it. failed in a class, that told me something. So it led me to liberal arts. And, you know, most people when they're younger, they have this idea of the careers of teaching or being a doctor or a lawyer or something specific. You know, nobody says I want to be a higher education professional. Nobody says I want to be a spa health writer. I mean, these are things that come up in experiential learning and Being proactive and creating things yourself. You know, there are so many careers and jobs out there that we don't automatically think about when we're younger, but that do exist, that do resonate with us. So I'm just curious about your reflection on your cues and connections and how that led to where you are now or where you're going. I got some great questions this week from listeners and There's a list of them, and I'm sure I'm gonna have side notes and tangents. So let's get right to it. ⁓ the first question that I got actually from a few people is can I still get facials or do I still offer facial treatments? And the answer is no. the reason for that is I could say that I don't have time, but I could make time. But side note in this kind of era of my life, I am all about creating a life of slow living. So one of the things that has been really powerful to me is knowing that even though I can do something, meaning giving facial treatments, doesn't mean I should do it. ⁓ just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I should do it. Just because I actually really enjoy it. doesn't mean I should do it. At this point in my life, I'm really trying to prioritize my number one passions, at the same time creating slow living and being present in my life. And that means working on my screenplay, which of course I'll talk about in another episode, working on these podcasts, which I'm finding really fun, and of course running a business. So as much as I love it, as good as I am with giving facials, I do not offer facial treatments at this point ⁓ in my life. However, some of you also asked, can I recommend estheticians, ⁓ both in Santa Barbara and in Texas Hill Country? And the answer is of course, yes, ⁓ because of all of my aesthetician graduates. that are many of them are in Santa Barbara, some are in LA. and I've met other aestheticians here in Texas Hill Country. And ⁓ so I still get to talk about aesthetics and ⁓ still kind of be in that world without having to do facial treatment. So just ⁓ DM me if you're curious about aestheticians in Santa Barbara or in Texas Hill Country and I'd be happy to share those names with you and the names of their spas. That also leads to this other question that I got, and that is, am I licensed in Texas as an aesthetician? So in my other episodes, I talk about how I'm a licensed aesthetician and my training and state boards were, of course, in California. I am still licensed in California. I keep that license updated. ⁓ the reason for that, you've heard me talk about this in my other episodes, is that options are security. So even if I really probably won't use it, you just never know. And so I want to be able to have that license just in case I need to use it. And so when I moved to Texas, I got my license here in Texas. And that was fairly easy because there's reciprocity ⁓ between California and Texas, meaning I just had to apply and transfer my license here. I didn't have to take additional classes or hours or anything like that. In some states you might have to do that. ⁓ but from California to Texas, I did not have to do that. And so technically, legally, I am a licensed aesthetician in both California and Texas. And I like this because, you know, I still I'm sort of in that world when I'm making my products, I'll go to skincare trainings. still like to go to spas and be on the know about those things. So I I'm glad that I still have those those licenses. somebody also asked about I think there was a link that I put in the notes ⁓ for Broughton Hotels when I was speaking about being a spa health writer. There were some little boutique hotels that I'd gone to and the I guess the organization or corporation that owns it is called Broughton Hotels. And I understand the confusion there because my last name is Broughton. So all of a sudden it's like, ⁓ my gosh, do you own a bunch of boutique hotels around California or maybe they're outside of California too. But anyway, the answer is no. I don't. it is kind of a longer side note story that I think it's too long for QA. But There was this crazy meeting of a gentleman named Larry Broughton, ⁓ really nice man, and we have the same last name. And the longer story with this that I'll share eventually is about, I think, manifestation. And specifically with the name Broughton. But Larry came up in that manifestation and we just became friends. And he is Broughton Hotels. He ⁓ manages and leads the organization for those little boutique hotels that I have visited as a small health writer and a reviewer. So I know I'm sort of being vague as far as like how that came to be because it is a cool story, but it's too long for QA. But no. To answer your question, I unfortunately am not the owner of Broughton Hotels. ⁓ but there is a fun coincidence and we have the same last name. ⁓ next question in regards to being a spa health writer, ⁓ some of you had mentioned that you were Googling me to find old articles. If you Google Melissa Mullat, which was my married name, that I didn't change and I was still going by that for years. Or Melissa Broughton, and then you ⁓ Google that with Spa Health Writer or Santa Barbara. You might come up with those articles. ⁓ I have them all printed out as I shared on my social media, and I have a book of sort of, you know, just ⁓ hard copies of all of those. But that's been gosh, 15 to 20 years ago. So that would be a lot of digging on Googling. So that's why it may not be coming up. ⁓ when you're looking for it. ⁓ The next question that I got, which is a very good one, is when I lived in Italy, how did I afford that if I lost my job and then, you know, just living there? How did I afford that? Well, I alluded to this in the episode. So the first answer to that question is that I took out a retirement ⁓ that I had had from the previous job wasn't the most responsible thing to do, technically from a financial point of view. Most people would roll it over into their next job retirement fund. But it wasn't a lot, but it was a f a few thousand dollars. but at that stage in my life, I felt like that was more important than more important meaning my experience in going to Italy was more important than rolling over retirement, whether or not that's true or not depends on the person you're talking to. But ⁓ for me it was important and I would never change that decision. so that was reason number one. But more than that, reason number two, it was less expensive for me to live in Italy for three and a half, four months than it would have been for me to live in Santa Barbara. Crazy as that sounds, it's true and I knew that when I made the decision and And that was another reason I thought, well, might as well. It's gonna be cheaper than living in Santa Barbara. ⁓ now keep in mind, I was not living the high life in Tuscany. I went through a school to live with the host family. And then after that, I got a cheap little studio that was very affordable compared to what I would be paying in Santa Barbara. ⁓ for a short time I was living with my Italian teacher that I was in a relationship with. ⁓ another fun episode to talk about later on. But ⁓ yeah, food was cheaper. ⁓ it just I didn't have normal monthly bills. So yeah, I lived in Tuscany for three and a half months for less than I would have in Santa Barbara. I some people were also curious to something I alluded to ⁓ when I was talking about being an aesthetician student. And they were curious about Dr. Aguilar. ⁓ in one of my episodes, I ⁓ talked about when I was an aesthetician teacher and how I also was working for a skincare company called DNA Skin. And the owner and founder of that company is a guy named Dr. Noel Aguilar. And again, not to be vague, but it is a longer story, too long for QA. And I will share it one of these episodes. ⁓ kind of the story what happened, and but yes, I dated Dr. Aguilar for a short time. And ⁓ it was while I was an esthetician student or excuse me, an esthetician teacher and also working for his skincare company. And it just you know, probably wasn't a the best decision dating somebody that I'm working for, generally speaking. ⁓ and somebody else also asked, ⁓ this wasn't a a conversation, somebody asked. Am I ever worried about, you know, bringing up these specific names, whether or just in general, talking about, you know, Dr. Aguilar or the Italian teacher or what have you. And no, not at all. ⁓ first of all, I'm a storyteller and that's what I do. Second of all, it's been years, 15 to 20 years. Enough time has passed. Where I can share these stories and not have an attachment to the emotions with them and just look at the learning that happened from them. There's no blaming per se, but it is it's very matter of fact. And so I'm honest about that. And ⁓ so regarding Mauro, my Italian teacher in Italy, or Dr. Aguilar, ⁓ at DNA skincare. ⁓ sure I'll tell the full stories eventually. ⁓ because they're interesting and I learned a lot from the experiences. So but am I worried about sharing those stories? No. ⁓ and the last question that I got for this week ⁓ is am I still in touch with my students, my esthetician students? And absolutely a hundred percent. Of course, social media makes that easier, especially now that I live in Texas. But there is a network of them and I feel so connected to them, even though I haven't maybe haven't seen them for years, but I'll see them on Facebook or Instagram. And I love seeing how their lives are unfolding, whether they're still practicing as an aesthetician or they're doing something else amazing in their life or they've gotten married, they've had children. Keep in mind the majority of these students were in their early twenties when they were students of mine. ⁓ and at the time I was in my 30s. And now they have grown up, so to speak, and ⁓ you know, got married and had kids and new careers and everything. And I absolutely love that. So yes, I do have a lot of aesthetician students on my Facebook and Instagram that I do still kind of connect with. Love your questions. ⁓ please feel free to continue to send those to me, whether it's in the comments on the podcasts, or just DM me on Facebook or Instagram or email me. I love answering your questions. Thank you so much for listening to Side Note with Melissa. If these stories resonated with you, please share this episode with a friend. Don't forget to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube, and feel free to leave a comment. You can also follow and connect on my Instagrams, Side Note with Melissa, or June Bloom Lavender. And I hope my crazy convoluted stories made you laugh, smile, and even reflect on your own chapters. This podcast is brought to you by June Bloom Lavender, a lavender speakeasy in the Texas Hill Country. June Bloom specializes in handcrafted lavender gifts and a premium skincare line made with lavender harvested each summer from By owner Melissa Broughton, that's me, in Santa Barbara County, California.