Latest / Motherhood Uncut / The Real Reason Postpartum Anxiety Won't Go Away (And How to Fix It)

Transcript

The Real Reason Postpartum Anxiety Won't Go Away (And How to Fix It) · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Kate Kripke, and I want to talk to you about something that almost nobody explains clearly.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: So many moms start experiencing anxiety, racing thoughts, guilt, and that like bone-deep overwhelm after having a baby.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this even starts during pregnancy, and this can certainly last way beyond that first year postpartum.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what's confusing is this these are often capable, confident, high achieving women, women who have handled big careers, complex problems, and real pressure before motherhood.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then motherhood undoes them.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was one of those women.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And for the last 20 years, I've worked with thousands of moms just like you.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to tell you something that might surprise you.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you think your postpartum anxiety is just hormones or lack of sleep, you might be treating the wrong problem.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why nothing you've tried has created that lasting sustainable relief.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: In the next few minutes, I'm going to show you why therapy, more self-care, and even medication haven't fully solved it and what's actually happening underneath.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to give you one simple thing that you can do tonight that starts addressing the real root cause.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You have probably tried everything.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Therapy likely helped you feel heard and supported, but you still went home and spiraled when your therapist was not around.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Medication may have taken the edge off, but the guilt and self-criticism, it's still there.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've downloaded the meditation apps, you've done the breathing exercises, you've taken the courses, you've committed to going to the gym.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And still your mind won't shut off.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Your baby's cry sends your heart racing.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: A skipped nap probably feels catastrophic.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Daycare or nanny drop-offs bring waves of guilt and doubt.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: On the outside, you look composed, but on the inside, you are constantly scanning for what might go wrong.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You love your baby so much, and that's what makes this hurt.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: You miss who you were before motherhood, and then you probably feel guilty for even having that thought.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the scariest part, you worry you're somehow damaging your child.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Am I right?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a licensed clinical psychotherapist and also a maternal mental health specialist and coach.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And for over the past 20 years, I've helped thousands of high-achieving women move through postpartum and ongoing anxiety in motherhood without years of therapy and without staying stuck long term.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And here is what I see over and over.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: The moms who stay stuck, they think that their anxiety is a disorder to manage.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: The moms who break free understand what their nervous system is reacting to.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And they teach their body how to feel safe in this new season of life when they are responsible for a tiny little human.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So let me walk you through five reasons that your anxiety won't go away and what actually fixes it.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so first, you are treating the symptom, not the cause.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety isn't the problem.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's a signal, and it's a normal human response to uncertainty and unpredictability, of which there is just so much in motherhood.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system is reacting to something deeper, the belief that something is bad, that something dangerous is happening.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Usually for most high and overachievers, this danger is actually the emotional discomfort.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And here is what no one tells you.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Your anxiety, it's actually working perfectly.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's doing exactly what it's designed to do when your body believes that you're unsafe.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have worked with brilliant women, leaders, executives, creatives, physicians, who could handle enormous stress at work, but motherhood flattened them.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because at work you can problem solve your way back to control.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood is full of emotion and uncertainty that cannot be fixed.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Think of your nervous system like a smoke detector.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right now it's going off every time you feel sadness, frustration, uncertainty, guilt, fear.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: But emotions aren't fires.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're weather.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: They move through unless we treat them like danger.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to ask yourself, when I feel anxious, what am I telling myself it means?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: For most moms, it's something like something is wrong.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm failing.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: This shouldn't feel this hard.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's the story that keeps the alarm blaring.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where it gets even more complicated.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, your fix-it brain is fueling it.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: That very brain that made you successful before motherhood is now making you anxious.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: The planning, the optimizing, the controlling, the figuring it out that works beautifully in your career.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It does not work with a baby or young child.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Achievement brain is for work.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Connection brain is for mothering.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if you use the wrong one, you'll stay stuck in worry and anxiety.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Most high-achieving women enter motherhood with an unconscious belief that sounds something like: if I can just do the right thing, create the right schedule, or fine-tune the right strategy, I can control the outcome.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But motherhood, it doesn't offer guarantees.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's like trying to use a hammer to paint a portrait.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: The tool isn't broken.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the wrong tool.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Notice when you're trying to fix an emotion for yourself or for your kiddo.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Are you Googling at 2 a.m., seeking reassurance over and over, micromanaging every variable?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Are you trying to problem solve every time your kiddo feels distress?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: That is your fix-it brain, trying to create certainty and it keeps your nervous system on high alert.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if problem solving isn't the answer, what is?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so if this is resonating for you, make sure you subscribe.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I share practical science-backed tools for anxious, overwhelmed, high-achieving moms every single week.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And these are tools that actually create change, not just temporary relief.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: So point number three, you haven't learned that feelings are safe.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the real diagnostic truth.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: If your nervous system can't tolerate emotional discomfort without going into threat mode, anxiety is going to keep on returning.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Every single mom feels discomfort, as does every child out there, by the way.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: The difference is whether your body believes that discomfort is dangerous or not.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: A child cries in the car seat.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: One mom's heart pounds, breath shortens, panic rises, and another mom feels the stress but stays steady.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Same baby, same situation, different nervous systems.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself, when I feel uncertainty, does my body flip into fight or flight?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe freeze?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do I avoid or overanalyze uncomfortable emotions?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Do my baby's big feelings trigger anxiety in me before I can respond calmly?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: If yes, then your nervous system hasn't learned that discomfort is safe yet.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why coping strategies haven't worked.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're not teaching your body what it actually needs to know.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, point number four, the 90-second truth.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, neuroscientist Dr.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Jill Boltitaylor explains that an emotional response in the body lasts about, can you guess?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 90 seconds, unless you feed it with your thoughts, which most of us do.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your body is built to process emotion quickly.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps it alive is the story you layer on top.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does this mean?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is this bad?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Am I ruining everything?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I had a client who would spiral for hours after her baby had a meltdown.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But once she learned to ride that 90-second wave without adding those catastrophic storylines, her recovery time shrank from hours to minutes.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the shift.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Stop trying to think your way out of feelings.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Start letting them move through.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: When that emotion rises, say, I notice that I am feeling fear.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then get curious about where it lives in your body.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, what does it feel like in your body?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let it crest and then let it fall.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: When you're first learning and practicing this, it's likely that your old narrative will pop right in with a yeah, but some sort of resistance.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Notice this.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's just old conditioning.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when you simply allow for the discomfort in your body without that resistance, it will pass every single time.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So now let's get to the part that you can actually try tonight.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is the practice that changes everything.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Tonight, you're going to teach your nervous system that discomfort is safe.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to set a timer for 90 seconds.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Take a slow breath in, and then let your exhale be slightly longer than your inhale.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: This longer exhale actually triggers your parasympathetic nervous system.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's rest and digest.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: The longer exhale says, I am safe.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a crisis.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now bring to mind a recent moment of discomfort.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Notice where you feel it.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Is it in your chest, in your throat, behind your eyes, your jaw, your stomach, your shoulders?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then say quietly, this is uncomfortable and I'm still safe.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: No analyzing, no fixing, just breathing and allowing.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: When the timer ends, notice that you're okay.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: This works because you're teaching your body through experience, not logic, that emotion is not danger.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that longer exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part that tells your body it's safe.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do this once a day for a week.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to start to notice something really powerful.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Your recovery time shortens and the intensity decreases.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your body stops treating discomfort like a threat.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system literally begins to rewire.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your postpartum and ongoing anxiety is not a character flaw.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with you.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system just hasn't learned yet that you can feel hard things and still be okay.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And once it learns that, everything shifts for both you and your kiddo.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you want more tools like this, go ahead and subscribe.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're ready to go deeper, there's a call link, an assessment call link below where we can look at what your nervous system specifically needs.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this and you do not have to do it alone.