Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 127. The veteran and burnout survivor who rebuilt her life on her own terms - Erika Latta

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127. The veteran and burnout survivor who rebuilt her life on her own terms - Erika Latta · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

• 0:05
  This is all figured out. I'm Andrea Barr.
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  I'm a career coach for parents, a mom of two, and I absolutely
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  believe that you can continue to grow personally and
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  professionally while protecting family time.
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  We're about to figure out this work life and parenting.
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  Stuff out together. Erica Latta Erica Latta Erica
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  Latta, welcome to the all figured out.
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  Podcast so happy to be here. I'm so happy to have you.
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  I'm going to be honest. Hmm.
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  I have felt nervous about this episode.
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  That makes two of us. I feel nervous because you have
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  such an incredible story and I want to do it justice.
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  As someone who loves to tell a story with integrity, I want to
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  do you right by telling, helping you tell this story.
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  And so first thing, I want to thank you for allowing me to be
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  part of your storytelling journey here today.
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  Yeah. You are a real inspiration of
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  what you have overcome in your life, where you are today as a
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  mum in one, what somebody might call an unconventional,
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  unconventional way. Yeah.
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  At the age of ish, you know, midlife.
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  Too. Me too, I love.
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  It it's beautiful. No, I love it.
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  I love, I love being 52. You've been a mum for over a
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  year. Just about a year now, yeah.
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  And your mum to an 11 year old at the age of 52.
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  Yeah, and you said your beautiful husband Pete, hmm.
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  His has a a preteen and menopausal lady.
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  Yeah, yeah, You got it from both, both sides.
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  She's she's going in and I'm going out.
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  I'm like, what? What soul contract did you make
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  that you're you invited yourself into that sort of hell, let's
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  just call it that. So you know, he's doing, he's
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  doing it well. He's doing it really well.
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  But spice of life, my friend. Yeah.
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  Spice of life, Yeah. You're keeping things
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  interesting, very interesting. When you guys are at your best,
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  you're probably at your bestest of the best.
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  Yeah, it's been really amazing having having Shakira come into
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  our life. I'm gonna grab a great year.
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  Let us tell the story about how you even got there.
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  Take us back to the United States of America.
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  Yes, back. Way back when Erica was a wee
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  child. Even before that, you were a
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  twinkle in your parents eyes. Yeah, you had 20 something year
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  old parents who got together, got married, had you, and your
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  father goes off to Vietnam. Yeah, my my biological father
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  was in Vietnam. For the war, let's clarify for
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  the war. Yeah, Yeah.
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  My mom and dad actually met at a rodeo and they were underage.
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  My grandparents had signed for them to get married.
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  And it was actually my dad that was underage.
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  My mom was 18 and he was orphaned, so he was himself.
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  I wouldn't say institutionalized, but in, you
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  know, in in care. And so my mom and him, they met
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  at a rodeo and. Yeah, as the story goes, my
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  grandparents had to sign for for them to get married.
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  And I'm the wedding picture, my mom is 48 and 85 lbs, four, 8
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  and 85 lbs. Tiny tiny little thing and
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  human. Yeah, little human.
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  Yeah. So she yeah.
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  And my dad served in Vietnam and I was created in Dana Beach,
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  California, which is really cool.
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  And then born, we're from Texas originally, the families all
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  from Texas. So yeah, that's how how that got
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  started. So you're so did your parents
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  have you and then your parent and then your dad had went off
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  to Vietnam? Yeah, I think there was like a
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  like, you know, going back and forth.
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  OK, Yeah, Yeah. But my, my father got into some
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  trouble while he was there, unfortunately.
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  And as a common story, actually, he came back from Vietnam as a
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  heroin addict, first time he had ever tried jugs, but it was
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  available. And so, yeah, it it took our our
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  life, our family life into a different direction.
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  So, yeah. And then he became incarcerated,
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  so he went able. I'm from from the military and
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  then. That is leaving without being
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  dismissed. Correct.
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  Absent without leave is a ball. Yeah.
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  Yeah, that's what that means, yeah.
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  Use that like with my children and I don't even know what it
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  means, right? I'm like God, he's gone AWOL
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  again. I think that definition, yeah,
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  that that technically that is, that is the definition.
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  You are absent. Without leave, yes, getting back
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  here OK. He Wow.
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  Yeah. And that's a big deal in the US.
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  Military, yeah. That's, that's a really big
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  deal. Yeah, yeah.
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  And so I'm not sure how long he was incarcerated for, but the
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  involvement with like addiction and drug use led to some really
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  poor choices, which landed him in prison for a majority of my
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  life, actually. And so my mom left him when I
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  was probably just two. And so, yeah, I grew up with a,
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  a single mom and my great grandfather, like, supported and
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  lived with us and like, supported us there.
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  And then my mom did remarry whenever I was 5 to my stepdad,
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  who is my my sister's biological father.
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  And he was dad until, until I was 16, until they divorced.
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  Yeah. And so, you know, having that,
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  being alone for a little while with my mom, you know, her and I
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  were super, super close. I wouldn't say I was the easiest
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  child to manage. Picture that.
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  Oh yeah, my mom has a story of one time I told my step dad.
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  I I came into the to the kitchen and I had this little like bag
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  and I'm like, I'm going to grandmas.
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  It's either him or me making. I was already making decisions
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  at at that young age. So no, she did.
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  Oh yeah, I did. Yeah.
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  Yeah, I was. I was a little Spitfire still
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  still am. But yeah, yeah.
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  So, yeah, there was a lot of, I don't know, and securities, you
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  know, safeties. I mean, my mom, you know, she
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  was 21 when she had me imagine living, you know, with a husband
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  with addiction, being that young and having, having a child, you
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  know, the resources were just kind of lacking there, you know.
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  And so she did really, she did the best that that she could
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  with us. Yeah.
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  And I'm really, really proud of of my mom.
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  Yeah, she's she's also. She's a survivor.
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  Yeah, she's a survivor. Yeah, she's also a veteran.
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  She joined the military when I was 11, so Shakira's age.
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  And I remember very vividly her having the conversation with me
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  telling me that she was had taken the Straub and then it was
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  going to move us all around the world.
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  And I was actually quite excited about it.
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  We lived in Amarillo, TX. We lived in a trailer very, you
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  know, low to mid, low to mid level income family.
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  And so I was excited about, you know, what's out there.
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  Yeah. And so her first assignment,
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  she'd gone off to to military training or to basic training.
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  And when she came back, we were assigned to Germany and it was
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  like so exciting. But before that happened, you
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  know, it was really tough for my mom and my step dad, my dad, my
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  mom was the breadwinner. And so my dad was following her,
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  you know, around the world. And really looking back, like
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  there was always issues with like, you know, with the
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  conversations or the arguments were about money.
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  So there's, you know, sensitivity around around that.
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  And I really feel like looking back as an adult woman, now
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  married, have my own child, you know, it really, I think my dad
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  felt really emasculated, you know, not being the provider,
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  the breadwinner, especially a white American male from the.
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  Deep South, the 80s. Or whatever.
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  Yeah, in the 80s. And my mom did really well.
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  She really excelled in the military.
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  She won all the awards that she could.
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  She was, you know, everybody's favorite.
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  And so, yeah, that, like, really catapulted.
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  It was a big change for all of us.
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  And I would say, like a very pivotal, pivotal moment.
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  My parents did get divorced not shortly shortly into into that
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  scenario. Um, it was a very pivotal moment
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  for me. And for her decision, I think
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  you had shared with me offline that that decision was spurred
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  by her saying, OK, something I would really like something to
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  change here for our family. And she was in her 30s I
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  understand. Yeah, that's right.
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  My mom was 34. She just had my sister.
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  Which is ancient back then. Yeah, Right.
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  Yeah. For a woman, yes, to pivot a
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  career in her 30s, I think that from my understanding, that's
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  pretty unheard. Of yeah, she was 34, my sister
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  was six months old and she left her basic training and at that
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  time basic training I believe was 8 weeks or 12 weeks.
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  So for three months, like she was without us, you know, going
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  to basic training, but really to like start a different life for
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  us. And so, yeah, it was, it was
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  very pivotal. And yeah, you wouldn't, I don't
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  think you would see that and not in today's time.
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  It's a different, it's a different thing that we would
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  see. But she really made a huge, bold
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  choice. And two, and you would say
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  enlist, right? She enlisted to enlist with two
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  young children. There's inherent risk in that
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  because you don't know. Politically.
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  I guess politically you don't know what's happening.
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  Would it mean that she would maybe be sent overseas?
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  Would she have to be right? Like she's like, yeah, Am I
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  speaking about this? Correctly, Yeah.
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  Yeah. No, there wasn't a war going on
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  at that time. Who knew?
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  But I do remember what kind of was the catalyst of this as my
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  aunt, my mom's sister, she had joined the military and she was
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  stationed in Germany. And my parents had won a trip on
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  TV. What?
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  Yeah. What a trip to go to Germany.
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  No, this is the universe during your magic.
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  And they won the trip. And they went to Germany to
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  visit my aunt. And that's when my parents came
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  back. And my mom was decided that she
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  was going to join the military because she saw that my aunt got
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  out of, you know, out of Texas, out of the situation that we
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  were in, that we were all in, right, That there was another
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  way to, like, live your life. And so my mom, yeah, she raised
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  her hand. I think my dad had tried to go
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  back in the military but wasn't, wasn't able to for physical
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  reasons or something. And so my mom was like, OK,
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  fine, I'll do it. And so it really was to like,
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  get us out of there. And then I remember at the time
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  they won the trip, it was when America was bombing Lebanon,
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  when Gaddafi was going on. And I remember them going to the
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  trip and me being terrified of terrorism at that age, you know,
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  at 11 or 12, this is already like starting to to penetrate,
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  you know, my thoughts and stuff. But yeah, I totally forgot about
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  that since you asked. Yeah.
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  So that's that was the controversy or the the the
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  political environment at the. Time and when you say to get out
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  and like there's a bigger world, are you talking from like an
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  mainly from a financial perspective like having the
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  stability of the military behind you that paycheck coming in is
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  that kind of the getting out that you're.
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  Speak of, Yeah, You know, I mean, our life was so different.
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  If we took a family vacation, it was maybe for the next state.
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  It would never be, you know, our family vacations weren't getting
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  on a plane and going, you know, to excuse me to Mexico or
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  anything. It was maybe to the next we'd go
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  visit cousins in a different town in Texas.
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  So our world was pretty, pretty small, you know, And that that
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  could be by economic means for sure, but we only read about
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  places that people would like travel to.
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  So it was also getting you out in the world, in the world
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  seeing having a more worldly perspective and that your mom
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  worldly. Perspective.
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  Valued that, especially having gone to visit Germany.
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  Yeah, how interesting. Yeah, that was really that was a
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  catalyst for for my mom or for my family to to do that.
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  Yeah. And she saw my cousins were my
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  age as well at the same time. And she saw the benefit that it
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  had there. Yeah.
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  But also the security at the military provided, right.
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  Housing, paycheck, your family could be together.
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  You know, there would be times of like separation, but it was
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  kind of like taking a risk, but with a big security net, safety
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  net. And also most of the family was
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  military. OK.
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  So it was my grandfather's, you know, my grandma or my my aunt
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  was military. So it was kind of a it was a
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  thing that that we did, but it wasn't necessary.
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  Women did that in my family, but my aunt started that.
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  Wow. Yeah, wow.
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  Why would talk about like we're going to be talking so much
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  today about like the edge of transition and how early that
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  started significant in your life, you know?
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  I would say then that was the that was the point because then
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  after going, you know, my mom going in the military, I went to
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  three different high. Schools.
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  Like, we were traveling. We were bouncing around quite a
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  bit with the divorce, unfortunately.
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  You know, I was living with my mom in Germany, and I was 16.
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  I was like, I wanted to get back to the States where all my
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  friends were and what the divorce.
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  It was a bit tumultuous. My mom had began dating, my dad
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  had begun dating, so it was just a real whirlwind of all that.
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  So I went back to the States and lived with my grandparents for a
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  little while, bringing the rebellious teen inside me with
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  me. And yeah, so then I stayed.
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  I lived with my grandparents for probably 2 years and then there
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  was a death in the family, my great grandfather.
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  And there were some stories that had come up that were really
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  traumatizing for my family that had come up to me, you know,
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  abuse, you know, sexual abuse and physical abuse.
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  And so it was really hard for my family to take that when it came
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  to came, came up, came the story came up.
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  So I left home when I was 17. The story was related to you,
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  related to me. Yeah.
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  And so there was a lot of guilt, I think, and shame around that.
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  That was hard for my mom and for my grandmother because we were
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  in his care right when my mom was between my biological father
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  and my stepdad. So I left home.
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  I went and stayed with a close friend and best friend in high
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  school, and then that's when I joined the military.
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  You know, I knew that I would be safe.
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  I knew that I would have shelter.
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  I knew that I would go see the world.
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  And so I just, it was a way that I knew how to support myself,
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  how to survive, you know? And so there's a real thread of
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  survival that got me here to this like seat today.
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  Yes. And really like teetering on
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  that edge of what could have been.
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  It just feels so apparent that there is you were walking this
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  tightrope where you could have very easily and nobody would
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  have blamed you, right? Had you gone another way?
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  Taken another path? Yeah, it was a very fine line
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  between slipping off on the edge or, or staying staying whole.
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  And I'm so sorry for what you went through.
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  You know, it's, it's a really thank you, but it's so it's such
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  a common, common story. Remember when I was 13, we had
• 15:59
  some girlfriends and I really had a slumber party and we got
• 16:02
  together and this was in Georgia and this topic came up about,
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  you know, sexual abuse. And out of, you know, ten of us,
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  let's say that were there seven of us had had been abused.
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  And so it's, it's a very common thing.
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  It's unfortunate. It's very unfortunate, Yeah,
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  it's not. It's it's sad.
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  It's it's an unfortunate thing that happens.
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  Can I ask you a question as a Mother?
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  Mother and a mother What? And this isn't anything to do
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  with your mother. This is now asking us like
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  mother to mother, how would you? Oh, I can't even like utter the
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  words but like protect like knowing that you can't bubble
• 16:47
  wrap your children. But like, what would what do you
• 16:51
  do to protect Shakira from this? Or how would you maybe go about
• 16:58
  supporting your daughter if? I have like a very like.
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  I can't even say the. Word.
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  I know, I know who I was Spidey sense and maybe it's, you know,
• 17:09
  hyper sensitive Spidey sense, but I pay attention.
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  I pay attention. Military trained.
• 17:15
  Yeah, I could hurt you with my pinky.
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  Just I'm, I'm hypersensitized to that.
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  And so I'm always kind of watching.
• 17:23
  And, you know, we also have a lot of really, really open
• 17:26
  dialogue. I need her to be able to come
• 17:29
  and talk to me and trust me. And so funny story, she was
• 17:33
  listening to her headphones were folding laundry together and
• 17:37
  she's just kind of like rocking and beat.
• 17:38
  And so she pulls her headphone back and I was like, oh, what
• 17:40
  are you listening to? You know, she's like, we call it
• 17:43
  Tattering her nickname. We've named her as Tater because
• 17:45
  she loves potatoes. But she was like, Tattering
• 17:47
  loves potatoes. Yeah, she loves the nickname.
• 17:50
  And so we call it Teetering. She just, like, got like, stuck.
• 17:53
  And I'm like, oh, well, it's OK. Like, what is it?
• 17:55
  You know? And she did not.
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  Little tears, like, started to come up in her eyes.
• 17:59
  And I was like, OK, Shakira, now I have to know what you're.
• 18:02
  Listening to. I need to know.
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  And so I put it on and it was like, I was like, who is this?
• 18:11
  Like who, who, who is this person?
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  It was all, it was not even cuss words.
• 18:15
  It was like all the, the, the other things, you know,
• 18:17
  describing body parts, all this kind of stuff.
• 18:19
  I'm just like, like songs. Music.
• 18:21
  Yeah, it was Kanye West. Like you're already.
• 18:26
  Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
• 18:28
  But we were all We all went there.
• 18:30
  We all went there. Right.
• 18:31
  And so it was really interesting.
• 18:33
  She thought she was in trouble. And I'm like, no, you're not in
• 18:35
  trouble where'd you get it? Spotify?
• 18:38
  OK, why can't banish her from Spotify?
• 18:40
  And I'm like, alright, we need to sit down and we need to talk
• 18:42
  about these words. Do you know what they mean?
• 18:44
  Just like kind of not really sure.
• 18:46
  So next thing you. Know child's worst nightmare?
• 18:49
  Exactly, exactly. But you know, I feel like going
• 18:53
  back to your question, it's like having being able to have those
• 18:56
  conversations with her like that and just being just open and
• 18:59
  honest and explaining. I really feel and trust that she
• 19:03
  will come to me and provide, you know, confide in me if
• 19:09
  something's going on. And yeah, I'm just, I'm super
• 19:12
  hypersensitive aware. I mean, we don't have any
• 19:14
  history of her up until she's coming to live with us.
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  She is very close with her father.
• 19:20
  They have a very beautiful relationship.
• 19:22
  But as far as, you know, knowing the ends and outs of her were
• 19:25
  still very much learning. So I any advice to mom, just
• 19:29
  just be really open and ask questions and just have that
• 19:32
  really comfortable open relationship where discussions,
• 19:35
  there's no discussion off the table.
• 19:38
  Yes, yes. I think that's the important
• 19:40
  piece. Yeah, that shame piece is, is
• 19:43
  such a fine talk about edge. That's such a fine line of and
• 19:47
  and it's not that any any parent ever wants to put shame on their
• 19:51
  kid. It's just that like that react,
• 19:53
  the embarrassment. I think embarrassment and shame
• 19:55
  are quite related. Like I remember being such such
• 19:57
  an embarrassed kid. Like I would just get
• 19:59
  embarrassed if someone looked at me.
• 20:01
  You wouldn't believe it now. But like I was shy.
• 20:04
  OK, She's super, super. Didn't like to be like, laughed
• 20:08
  at. It was just yeah.
• 20:10
  And and so, and if I ever did get that like, embarrassment
• 20:13
  triggered, I would feel shame. And so it is interesting just to
• 20:16
  like bring that barrier down to better whatever this, you know,
• 20:22
  in the small moments. And it's like moments.
• 20:24
  Not really eliciting that shame response.
• 20:28
  I wonder if it's that piece. Yeah, and just going back, you
• 20:31
  know, my mom, um, it wasn't that she didn't believe me, but it
• 20:34
  was very hard for her to. Accept because this was her
• 20:38
  grandfather was her grandfather. Yeah, and so there was some
• 20:42
  distance, you know, my mom and I had during that time, but
• 20:46
  looking back, like it was, you know, it was just very, um, she
• 20:49
  wasn't resourced. She was 23 years old at this
• 20:52
  point. She, you know, like, how would
• 20:55
  you, how would you know? And my great grandfather,
• 20:58
  believe it or not, was a St. I can even say that as one of
• 21:01
  his victims, Like he was just a Saint of a man.
• 21:03
  He was, he was my best friend. I know, but this?
• 21:07
  Is not the right word, but you know, it's like, yeah, weird.
• 21:11
  Yes, yeah, yeah. So yeah, it's a, it's part of,
• 21:17
  it's part of my story, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 21:20
  And I hate that it's part, part of so many people's stories.
• 21:24
  It is. And very quietly.
• 21:26
  And hey, I, I mean, I, I, I can't, I would have no idea how
• 21:31
  I would react and if I'd ever want that to be a vocal part of
• 21:33
  my story. But like, thank you for sharing
• 21:36
  that. Because it's scary to think that
• 21:38
  there's listeners, that chances that there are listeners
• 21:40
  listening who have been sexually abused is like that's, that's
• 21:45
  crazy, right? That's horrifying that that's
• 21:48
  there. Are there are?
• 21:52
  Take me into the military when we were talking before, not to
• 21:56
  just pivot in a light hearted, but I really appreciate you
• 21:59
  sharing that. I said to you, I said, what do
• 22:03
  you always ask every guest when we're doing an intro call?
• 22:05
  It's like, what do you love to talk about?
• 22:07
  And we were talking and it's like nervous system regulation
• 22:10
  and breathwork. We like, do you know what people
• 22:12
  love hearing about? And you like rolled your eyes.
• 22:15
  You're like, people love the military.
• 22:17
  And I was like, yes, it was so big.
• 22:21
  You're like, God, there's something you're like, I don't
• 22:23
  think you verbatim. You're like, I don't think it's
• 22:25
  a big deal. But like people seem to like,
• 22:27
  yeah, like basic training. I don't even know.
• 22:30
  So especially being Canadian where it's a very different, you
• 22:34
  know, it, it is a different thing.
• 22:36
  It's a different way of doing it, different way, whatever.
• 22:39
  But we, we watch Hollywood movies.
• 22:42
  Yeah. So we.
• 22:42
  Hear I got fell in the trap and watched the Hollywood movie Top
• 22:46
  Gun and I told you the advertising of the F15 pilots,
• 22:50
  that's false. That's not what they look like.
• 22:52
  Want to tell the beautiful? Listeners 80th percent of whom
• 22:55
  are women who fantasize about it's not taking nobody's
• 23:00
  fantasizing about Tom Cruise but his Co conspirators they are
• 23:04
  yeah, yes, especially that latest.
• 23:06
  Oh yeah, that was good. Oh, that's a great.
• 23:07
  Movie. That was a great.
• 23:09
  Dogs name is Maverick by the way, so I am a huge Top Gun fan.
• 23:12
  The number of friends I have is, well, my girlfriend Kelly, if
• 23:14
  she's listening her, she has a Maverick because she has a pilot
• 23:17
  husband. So cool, so cool.
• 23:21
  Um. Basic training.
• 23:22
  You want to know what is basically.
• 23:23
  Like, I'm not kidding. I don't know, you know what that
• 23:26
  means. So you said eight.
• 23:27
  I've watched things like the FBI training in Quantico and CCA.
• 23:31
  But like, it's different, OK Military basic training.
• 23:33
  This episode is sponsored by Erica Latta.
• 23:36
  And before we get back into the rest of America's unbelievable
• 23:40
  story and her journey, I just want to take a quick second to
• 23:43
  talk about her work and the work she's doing over in her private
• 23:47
  one to one coaching at Inner Edge.
• 23:49
  Such a good name Inner Edge because that is exactly what she
• 23:52
  does. So I myself, as a career coach
• 23:55
  for parents, I talked to so many of you, lots of you listeners
• 23:59
  who feel exactly the way that Erica describes.
• 24:02
  You're thriving on the outside, you're hitting the KPI's, you're
• 24:05
  wearing the quote UN quote leader hat perfectly.
• 24:08
  But on the inside, you are white knuckling your way through the
• 24:11
  day. You might be exhausted.
• 24:13
  And honestly, the old productivity hacks that we might
• 24:16
  have learned in our 20s and we're just working just fine.
• 24:19
  They're probably not cutting it anymore.
• 24:22
  This is exactly why I really love Erica's approach and why it
• 24:26
  was such a heck yeah for her coming on the podcast because
• 24:29
  she's not just giving you more to do lists.
• 24:32
  And through the Inner Edge program, she really helps high
• 24:35
  performing leaders, especially those in high pressure or male
• 24:39
  dominated fields, really build leadership styles that are
• 24:42
  rooted not just in how to be better or tackle your job
• 24:47
  better, but more so rooted in nervous system regulation.
• 24:51
  I had the opportunity to attend one of her breathwork classes
• 24:54
  here in Vancouver and I can attest to the gift that she has
• 24:58
  for nervous system regulation. So she's so cool.
• 25:00
  She operates at that leadership, high level leader capacity as a
• 25:04
  coach and she weaves in the nervous system regulation, which
• 25:08
  is really incredible. So if you're somebody who knows
• 25:10
  that you could really use more of the nervous system support
• 25:14
  and you were in a really high pressure job, Erica is 100% the
• 25:19
  coach for you. So I would highly recommend you
• 25:22
  go and visit her at ericalatta.com, ERIKALA ta.com.
• 25:28
  You can find the link in the show notes as well and explore
• 25:32
  her inner edge program and get to know her.
• 25:34
  She is fabulous. I know as you're listening to
• 25:36
  this episode, you're realizing just how fabulous she is.
• 25:40
  So again, that's Erica. Lotta com and let's get back to
• 25:43
  her story. Basic training, military,
• 25:45
  basically what they do is they bring this group of people and
• 25:47
  you're separated by gender. The women, the men.
• 25:50
  Essentially what they do is they strip you down and then build
• 25:52
  you back up. Oh.
• 25:53
  God. You're all uniform, you're all
• 25:55
  wearing the same clothes, the hair has to be the same, like
• 25:57
  everything is the same. And you fall into line.
• 26:00
  You learn about the Uniform Code of Military Justice, which is
• 26:04
  the the book of of the military. And there are.
• 26:07
  Rules. So you mean like clothing?
• 26:08
  Like the clothing code Clothing. The Uniform Military Code of
• 26:14
  Justice. But there are rules about your
• 26:16
  clothes, like where the the pens need to be there there.
• 26:20
  This is the rule book of the military and this is what you
• 26:23
  must guide by. There's even rules about sex in
• 26:25
  there. That sounds very stressful.
• 26:27
  What are the rules about sex? Like you can't have sex with.
• 26:29
  Each other missionary only sodomy is a crime.
• 26:32
  I'm sorry, Terry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 26:34
  Erica. Come on, let's look it.
• 26:36
  Up, Erica. Yeah.
• 26:38
  What do you mean outside? Dictionary from what I believe.
• 26:42
  Let's Google. If if you're having sex while
• 26:47
  you're active in the military or on the campus.
• 26:50
  So the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
• 26:53
  Bring your mic closer to you, my love then.
• 26:55
  Talks about sex. For a lot of the audience I
• 26:58
  know. It's about your clothes.
• 26:59
  Like, no, I, I promise you there's something in there
• 27:02
  about. That is this one of those weird
• 27:03
  things that's just like, happens to still be in there kind of?
• 27:06
  Like old rules like. The carriage coming down on a
• 27:09
  Sunday. You can't be eating ice cream.
• 27:11
  And like these funny, like rules.
• 27:13
  I don't know. There's, like, funny.
• 27:14
  Yeah, yeah. This.
• 27:15
  Is definitely one of those, but like, let's double check.
• 27:17
  I know that your listeners are probably like, what?
• 27:19
  And they're Googling the hell out of me right now.
• 27:21
  So just to clarify, like in the comfort of your own home or like
• 27:24
  while you're on, while you're on a military base, you're only
• 27:27
  allowed to do missionary? As a military person, you are
• 27:30
  supposed to follow the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
• 27:33
  At all times. Uniform Code of Military
• 27:35
  Justice, Yes. See, that's interesting to me
• 27:37
  that you're following a code like a uniform code in your
• 27:41
  entire life. Whether you're on, I don't.
• 27:44
  Know there's so you've heard of like when people get honorably
• 27:48
  discharged, dishonorably discharged.
• 27:50
  These are like the the rules, but there's rules around.
• 27:54
  There's rules around your clothing, there's rules around
• 27:56
  where your ribbons are supposed to be, there's rules around how
• 27:58
  you're supposed to keep your boots.
• 27:59
  Like there's all these different rules that military people are
• 28:02
  supposed to conform. To make your bed.
• 28:05
  I've heard right. Yeah.
• 28:06
  Oh yeah. OK, let's see.
• 28:09
  Air Force CJ Sodomy. There's one about sodomy.
• 28:13
  Oh my gosh. Well, you know what?
• 28:14
  We're gonna put a link to it. Yeah, let's put a link.
• 28:16
  To it perfect. This is alright and if I'm wrong
• 28:18
  I'm sorry, but when I was in one 1992, yes I was shocked by that.
• 28:23
  So basic training is essentially six weeks of training, getting
• 28:29
  up very early, exercising drills, going to class, learning
• 28:33
  this uniform, this UCMJ, things like that.
• 28:36
  Yeah. And so you did that for six
• 28:38
  weeks. OK.
• 28:39
  And that is for everybody, regardless of what type of
• 28:42
  military you're. Choosing so each military branch
• 28:45
  army, Navy, Air Force, Marines my aunt endearingly calls the
• 28:50
  Air Force the chair force because kind of right she's just
• 28:56
  jealous and I hope she I know she's going to listen to this so
• 28:58
  I know you're jealous and I got this off you yes hello no so you
• 29:03
  can. Oh my, yeah, no, well, I was.
• 29:07
  So are you enlisting to one of the areas of the?
• 29:10
  Military, yeah. Each branch has its own, like
• 29:12
  basic training rules. And I think the Navy is 12
• 29:14
  weeks, the Air Force is only six weeks.
• 29:16
  The Army was 8. Weeks.
• 29:17
  So you enlisted to the air? Force enlisted to be in the air.
• 29:20
  OK. I thought it was like doing like
• 29:22
  a generic like psych degree for your first year and then you get
• 29:24
  to choose, so you choose. You choose which branch, then
• 29:27
  you go into the military, or you go to basic training for however
• 29:30
  many weeks, Air Force chair force, and then you get your job
• 29:33
  assignment. Crazy.
• 29:35
  From there they just are like, this is what you're suited to.
• 29:37
  This is you got a choice. So you take a test called an as
• 29:40
  FAB and it's kind of like where do you you specialize in where,
• 29:44
  where, where is your capacity at?
• 29:46
  Yeah, there's everything. The military is like
• 29:49
  self-sufficient. So there's all sorts of things,
• 29:51
  mechanics, I mean, name it there.
• 29:54
  There's the job there I was suited for.
• 29:58
  I could have been a weather person, a fireman, A logistics
• 30:03
  supply chain and logistics. I forgot the other and I tried
• 30:07
  to go. For the same.
• 30:08
  Weather. Weather person.
• 30:09
  Yeah. Incredible.
• 30:11
  Yeah. It's basically it's own little
• 30:14
  economy, you know, its own hospital, its own commissary,
• 30:18
  its own. Every sanitation, probably kind
• 30:20
  of like Disney. World.
• 30:21
  Yeah, yeah. Like it's it's whole thing.
• 30:23
  So yeah, was like only the first like 3 months of the military
• 30:28
  that I just described. And then so you choose, you're
• 30:32
  in logistics. Right.
• 30:33
  I was in supply chain logistics. Yeah.
• 30:35
  And I was fortunate enough to always be assigned to fighter,
• 30:39
  fighter squadrons. So the first unit I was with F
• 30:42
  Sixteens and then that was in Georgia and I had graduated high
• 30:46
  school in Georgia. So I was like, I don't didn't
• 30:48
  join the military to come back and live in Georgia.
• 30:51
  Yeah. So I took an assignment at the
• 30:53
  time it was either Iceland or Korea.
• 30:55
  So I chose Iceland and I lived in Iceland for 15 months, Super
• 31:01
  cool. And then after that, I wanted to
• 31:04
  thaw out a little bit and I got assigned to Florida and that was
• 31:08
  at Eglin Air Force Base in the Panhandle.
• 31:11
  And that was the 15 unit. And this particular unit had
• 31:14
  actually had some Migs in. The I'm gonna stop you right
• 31:19
  there OK OK, I have seen yes, I have seen Top Gun, but I fell
• 31:26
  asleep one thing so anyways, yeah makes.
• 31:28
  What does the enemy aircraft? Yeah, you should be on your
• 31:32
  practice called MIG wire. Yeah, I'm.
• 31:33
  Not sure that I don't know. You'll have to Google link that
• 31:36
  in Google that I'm not really sure.
• 31:37
  OK, wait, so you had What do you mean?
• 31:39
  What do you mean? The, the, the unit that I was in
• 31:43
  was in the, the war in Iraq and they had shot down the pilots
• 31:49
  and they had shot down the Megs. And I think they got the first
• 31:52
  leg of that, of that war, which is a really big deal whenever
• 31:56
  you're in a 15 unit. That's like kind of a rite of
• 31:58
  passage. Getting the first gold medal in
• 32:00
  an Olympic. Yeah, it was an esteemed unit is
• 32:02
  basically what I'm trying to OK to say so.
• 32:06
  Yeah, you guys, if you're watching on YouTube, my eyes are
• 32:08
  just like, what the holy hell this is like?
• 32:11
  Yeah, it was a really big deal. So.
• 32:13
  Yeah, we would take turns going to Saudi Arabia with other other
• 32:17
  units. And the mission there in Saudi
• 32:19
  Arabia, was to protect the no fly zone from Saddam Hussein.
• 32:23
  Protect the no fly So there was a no fly zone above Saudi.
• 32:27
  Above Saudi, Yeah. And that there was no planes
• 32:29
  that were allowed to fly in that because they were watching the
• 32:32
  movement of Saddam Hussein. Yes, yes, you're part of a
• 32:36
  bigger one thing that I learned about the military is like, OK,
• 32:40
  you have your rank, you have your role.
• 32:42
  You don't know that there's this like bigger piece of pie, but
• 32:45
  you have a very important piece. And so, you know, just being a
• 32:49
  supply person, ordering parts for aircraft in the middle of
• 32:52
  Saudi Arabia. You know, those planes have to
• 32:54
  fly and they had they had a mission to do.
• 32:57
  And so an F15 is protects the U2, which is a large aircraft
• 33:02
  that's taking pictures of this no fly zone.
• 33:06
  Am I going off here a little? Bit.
• 33:09
  So the F15 is protecting this YouTube plane.
• 33:11
  They're like these little zippers who are just like grey
• 33:13
  rear and they're like protecting like the big.
• 33:15
  Mothership, they're protecting the big mothership air to air.
• 33:19
  So let's say a Mig flu in the area, the F15 would take the mic
• 33:23
  down Jesus and then the F sixteens would protect the U2
• 33:27
  from the ground. So if there's any like, fire
• 33:30
  from the ground. So, yeah.
• 33:33
  So my little role, my tiny little role is a part of this
• 33:35
  big, big mission. It was, it was so much fun being
• 33:41
  in this community with people you just knew so many different
• 33:45
  people, people you would never, let's say, be friends with.
• 33:48
  And in real life, you know, you get thrown into these like very
• 33:52
  isolated places. There's no alcohol or clubs.
• 33:56
  I mean, you're 8, you know, 20 years old, right?
• 34:00
  And so you just build these like really deep relationships with
• 34:03
  these people. Though you would probably never
• 34:05
  had relationships with otherwise all over America, is what you're
• 34:09
  saying. Like America.
• 34:10
  Yeah, different races, creeds, religions.
• 34:12
  Like it was really like a whole kind of rainbow of flavor there,
• 34:16
  you know, because you're kind of pulled down into this uniform,
• 34:20
  this uniformity as like you're you're not doesn't matter where
• 34:23
  you came from. This is you are part of the
• 34:25
  team, but there's ranks and everything.
• 34:27
  Yeah, Yeah, yeah. That's.
• 34:29
  Generally speaking, Generally speaking, yeah.
• 34:31
  And how long were you in in Saudi for?
• 34:34
  I did 3 tours, three months each.
• 34:38
  Yeah. And then my last tour, they had
• 34:42
  left country, left Saudi Arabia about four, let's say, not more
• 34:45
  than 48 hours before there's a terrorist bombing that killed 12
• 34:50
  people that I worked with in our barracks and so.
• 34:53
  In your barracks, which is where you.
• 34:55
  Sleep where we where we slept. Yeah, there was a a tanker truck
• 35:00
  full of dynamite that had tried to make it on base but was
• 35:04
  parked around to the back and exploded.
• 35:08
  Killed 19 people total, 12 people that that I know.
• 35:12
  One of the young guys I had actually dated, and so we were
• 35:16
  not partners at the time that that happened.
• 35:18
  And we were friends though. And yeah, after that, I was
• 35:22
  like, you know what? I'm not all about dying for my
• 35:25
  country. But I'm sorry that.
• 35:27
  Happened. Yeah.
• 35:27
  And so I realized how serious they were.
• 35:30
  You know, when you're raising your hand and you're 17, you're
• 35:32
  like, yeah, yeah, OK, whatever. But you probably thought you're.
• 35:35
  Invincible. Yeah, as we all did, you know,
• 35:38
  as we all did. And so yeah, I, I searched my
• 35:41
  time and then after got out and then took the money for school
• 35:46
  and went got my education. I was asking you this.
• 35:48
  So we have we became friends because we have mutual coach
• 35:52
  Kristen Constable and we're in a peer group together or
• 35:55
  mastermind. And I remember we were walking
• 35:58
  to dinner and our retreat and I was asking you questions about
• 36:01
  this. I was like, this is so
• 36:02
  fascinating. So because I'm somebody who As
• 36:05
  for a living talked to people about their careers, the notion
• 36:09
  this so unique in the military that the notion that you have to
• 36:12
  ask to leave a job, that's very unique.
• 36:17
  So in my world, you know what I preach?
• 36:19
  I'm like, leave the damn job if it's not serving you and you're
• 36:23
  like, no. No, no, you're bad.
• 36:24
  Called a wall which stands for. Anywhere but here?
• 36:29
  No, I don't. I don't remember now absent
• 36:33
  without leave that's. Perfect.
• 36:35
  Yeah, you gotta leave, right? OK.
• 36:37
  So how did you was like a contract up or how do you leave?
• 36:43
  How do you leave, You know? Yeah.
• 36:46
  So they saying you have it in four year increments.
• 36:48
  So you have a contract for four years?
• 36:49
  Like a lease? Yeah, like you're leasing.
• 36:51
  You're leasing you. Yeah.
• 36:53
  You've committed for four years after the bombing.
• 36:56
  I only had I, I, I can't remember off the top of my head,
• 36:59
  maybe six months left and that contract.
• 37:01
  And they offered, they were like, do you want an early,
• 37:04
  early release because of the situation?
• 37:06
  And I took that early release. But yeah, no, you signed up for
• 37:09
  four years. And if not, if you leave before
• 37:12
  you go, well, we're considered AWOL.
• 37:14
  But you can ask for permission if something comes up or like.
• 37:17
  No way. No, but I mean people have
• 37:19
  tricks, you know, there, there's different ways.
• 37:22
  Like they shoot their foot. Maybe a mental health there's
• 37:26
  just different things that that people.
• 37:27
  There are reasons you can leave. It was really gross of me to say
• 37:30
  that no, again, I've been watching.
• 37:32
  Too many movies? Yeah, Yeah.
• 37:33
  But maybe. Maybe.
• 37:34
  Yeah. OK, so you took your leave, you
• 37:36
  took money and OK, because the money can only go to education,
• 37:41
  they're kind of smart about that.
• 37:43
  It's not like you're just like handing a bunch of cash to and
• 37:45
  20 something year old, right? They're like, if you would like
• 37:48
  now you've earned this fund to use towards.
• 37:51
  Education, GI Bill, which anybody listening, if any young
• 37:54
  people out there go in the military and you do not do your
• 37:56
  GI Bill, it's $100 a month for the 1st 12 months and then you
• 38:00
  get all this like money back. And each year the military like
• 38:04
  think whenever I did it was like, I don't know, 18,000.
• 38:07
  Last I heard it's like up to 40,000 that you get.
• 38:10
  So you only make the 12 month payments of $100 and that's you
• 38:13
  with this money back towards your education.
• 38:16
  You, you know, send them your records, you're going to school,
• 38:18
  you're enrolled, and they send you a paycheck every month.
• 38:21
  And it is like so great. They send you, so they're paying
• 38:23
  you to go to school as. Well, yeah, I mean, they pay.
• 38:26
  For they pay for this. Yeah.
• 38:27
  Wow. OK, so how did you till you got
• 38:32
  a taste for being away and out? You got out of Texas.
• 38:35
  Let's just say yeah, proverbial like you got out.
• 38:37
  Yeah. And you're like, hey, I'm going
• 38:39
  to go to school. Like what did you think was
• 38:41
  possible for yourself? Oh, that did not become even.
• 38:44
  That was not even a thought in my mind that I could go to
• 38:47
  school OK until when I was in the military.
• 38:50
  This is a really cool story. Met Colonel Dick.
• 38:55
  Colonel Deck was like basically the person who showed me that I
• 39:00
  was possible and how did this happen?
• 39:02
  I was stationed in Iceland and then one day a big snowstorm
• 39:06
  happened and my boss assigned us all duties of what we needed to
• 39:10
  do and it was my job to remove the snow from the vehicles.
• 39:14
  Being from Texas, even though I did grow up in snow, I took a
• 39:18
  shovel to the hoods of the trucks.
• 39:22
  And so later on, we had an inspection where Colonel Dick,
• 39:25
  the Colonel like the top brass, the top person of the military
• 39:29
  base come for inspection. And so he's walking around and
• 39:32
  everything and he sees the scratches on the truck and he
• 39:35
  bends down and he's like, what happened here?
• 39:37
  And my boss was very happily willing to say she did it.
• 39:42
  Yeah. And so Colonel Dick took a very
• 39:44
  big interest in me. And so I had to, quote UN quote,
• 39:47
  ride to lunch with him that day because he was like following
• 39:50
  us. Yeah.
• 39:50
  But he took an interest. Who are you, where you're from,
• 39:54
  what you know, what kind of aspirations.
• 39:55
  And at that time, I wanted to be a flight nurse was something
• 39:58
  that I wanted. My grandmother was a was an RN
• 40:00
  and I wanted to be a flight nurse.
• 40:02
  And he's like, well, have you, Are you going to go to college?
• 40:04
  And I'm like. Basically, kids like me don't go
• 40:06
  to college, you know, like I can't afford that.
• 40:09
  Like, how does that even like work?
• 40:11
  And he actually set me up with another officer on base and they
• 40:15
  were talking about getting me an appointment into or trying to
• 40:18
  get me an appointment into the not the Air Force Academy, but
• 40:21
  into into school. So it was basically a
• 40:24
  performance review by this other gentleman.
• 40:27
  And then he wrote a letter stating for me to to be accepted
• 40:31
  into a program. And so it was the first time
• 40:33
  where somebody actually took interest in me outside of my
• 40:37
  family or, you know, anything like that and showed me that
• 40:40
  like, no, no, it is, it is absolutely possible.
• 40:42
  So I remember that being the first time that I was ever like,
• 40:46
  oh, this, this could be an opportunity for me because Oh my
• 40:49
  God, the people in my family didn't go to school.
• 40:51
  You know, if you can't, I think as a young person, if you don't
• 40:53
  see it, if it's there's not an example there for you, it's
• 40:57
  really hard to like, imagine you being there.
• 40:59
  Isn't that interesting? It's just like a, a message for
• 41:02
  life too, where it's like, well, I never saw it or felt it or
• 41:07
  heard it, so it was never registered on my radar.
• 41:10
  Like as our responsibility as parents, we're so obsessed with
• 41:16
  what we teach our children when we consciously instill in them.
• 41:21
  And I think we forget, like, I personally, we've been a parent
• 41:24
  for five years, but like, I forget that it's like the words
• 41:29
  we're using in our house and the way we talk to one another and
• 41:33
  how we share the stories of our own experiences and like, yeah,
• 41:38
  like having our kids see, oh, I saw that or I heard that or I
• 41:42
  was told I'd be anything or yeah.
• 41:45
  Like my family values adventure and love.
• 41:47
  You know these like these things.
• 41:49
  That the imprints that we're leaving and how deep they can
• 41:51
  actually, yes, be. Yeah.
• 41:54
  And then you hear the stories that the kids who are like,
• 41:56
  yeah, I came from nothing. And it almost went the opposite
• 42:00
  way where my parents were hell bent on me becoming something
• 42:03
  and then put that pressure or are like, you know, you can do
• 42:07
  any. Like, you know, we might not
• 42:08
  have gone to school, but like, you can do anything.
• 42:11
  And not that your parents wouldn't have said that to you
• 42:13
  and your family wouldn't have been sold, but maybe at that
• 42:16
  point there just wasn't that blueprint like you said, for
• 42:18
  you. Yeah, there wasn't.
• 42:19
  But actually when I moved to Canada, I had met a guy.
• 42:22
  This was 20 years ago. I had met a guy online on
• 42:26
  hotornot com this was pretender. And you didn't filter out
• 42:29
  Canada? Crazy this guy online and we
• 42:33
  talked for awhile and we started dating.
• 42:35
  He lives in Montreal. And when I finally decided a
• 42:38
  year into the relationship, I, you know, I've lived all over.
• 42:40
  So for me to make the move was no brainer.
• 42:43
  Yeah. So I moved to Montreal and my
• 42:44
  mom was really like, why are you doing that?
• 42:48
  Why are you going to Canada? Just go back in the military.
• 42:51
  Oh, and I'm like, Mom, there's a war going on right now.
• 42:54
  Chances of me going to war are absolutely real.
• 42:57
  But in her mind, she never see, you know what I mean?
• 43:00
  Even though we had lived in different countries, we were in
• 43:03
  the military. You were safe.
• 43:04
  We were safe. So going to a foreign country,
• 43:07
  even though it's Canada and we did not know much about Canada
• 43:10
  because we grew up in the southern part of the US as we do
• 43:15
  so it was really scary for her. So her mindset was or her thing
• 43:18
  was like, no, no, like that's Canada's way too risky.
• 43:21
  You need to go back into the military.
• 43:22
  So she was like, it is way safer for you to go to a military
• 43:26
  where there's an act of war than to go to.
• 43:29
  Because I know it. Yeah, I know you'll be safe.
• 43:31
  Right. That was the bias.
• 43:33
  We all have biases. That was her bias.
• 43:34
  That was her bias. With parents, like, what are the
• 43:37
  biases that we're putting, Yes, putting on our children, yeah.
• 43:40
  Holy smokes, how fascinating is that?
• 43:44
  So you get, you get an education, education.
• 43:47
  You get married. Yeah, Pete, my wonderful
• 43:51
  husband. And well, no, you got married
• 43:52
  first too. No, no.
• 43:54
  You didn't My first. Yeah.
• 43:56
  He is my first. First marriage.
• 43:57
  The Montreal might only. Yes.
• 44:00
  The Montreal man dated for four years, gave him back to his
• 44:02
  Mama. I was like, OK, we're good.
• 44:04
  OK. But I fell in love with Canada.
• 44:05
  Like I decided to stay and life was just a bit easier on this
• 44:09
  side of the border. You know, I grew up in the South
• 44:12
  and I just did not have any desire to like go back to, to
• 44:15
  that area. I didn't relate, I didn't align.
• 44:18
  And so Fast forward, I ended up getting my masters degree, which
• 44:23
  is again, this little girl from Texas raised in a trailer.
• 44:29
  It was not something that was ever on my radar.
• 44:31
  And that's what I love about life so much.
• 44:32
  It's like you turn these corners and there's like this other
• 44:36
  opportunities. And that's what I want to
• 44:37
  instill in my in my clients too, is that if life doesn't just
• 44:41
  stop in this role, life doesn't just stop here.
• 44:43
  This isn't like forever. There's always opportunity just
• 44:47
  around the corner, you know, And so got my masters.
• 44:51
  I remember manifesting saying I'm going to meet my husband and
• 44:54
  my masters program and I did 10 years younger than me.
• 44:58
  I didn't know that. Yes, yes.
• 45:01
  You got your Mrs. and in addition to your MBA, I.
• 45:05
  Did I got my Yeah and I started dating after the program.
• 45:10
  Wow, yeah, and then? Very good of you.
• 45:13
  Yeah, very. Professionally had a girlfriend,
• 45:15
  so I had a massive crush on him. I just avoided him like the
• 45:18
  plague. Yes, yeah.
• 45:19
  But we started talking dating after the program and uh, yeah.
• 45:24
  I mean, as I mentioned, I'm 10 years older than Pete.
• 45:27
  And so when we first started dating, I mean, that was that
• 45:30
  was a very serious topic is like, look, you know, natural
• 45:33
  children is probably not in our future.
• 45:36
  Are you open? And Pete was a has always been
• 45:38
  open to non traditional ways, you know, and so we didn't know
• 45:43
  what our family was going to look like, but we knew that we
• 45:46
  wanted to expand. And so we we went down the
• 45:50
  rabbit holes. We looked at surrogacy, we
• 45:53
  looked at adoption, we looked at, you know, all sorts of
• 45:57
  things. And yeah, the universe again,
• 46:00
  just doing her special, special things.
• 46:03
  Pete and I had landed on fostering and we put in our
• 46:07
  foster application. And a couple days later, Pete
• 46:09
  was talking to his boss who owned some property just in West
• 46:13
  Van. And I was talking about a
• 46:15
  situation that he knew of a young girl, 11, who was in a
• 46:20
  situation with her father. They were just in financial
• 46:22
  financial bind. She's a bit older and has
• 46:26
  advanced an advanced illness. And so we met her and I just
• 46:31
  couldn't. She grabbed me like I just
• 46:32
  couldn't, couldn't get her out of my mind.
• 46:35
  And you know, I had had fertility issues, had
• 46:38
  miscarriage. We did actually sign with the
• 46:41
  surrogacy agency before, but then we, I realized I don't want
• 46:45
  to have an infant at 50, you know?
• 46:48
  So we, we, it was a, it was a very tumultuous struggle, very
• 46:55
  hard. Part of a chapter in my life is
• 46:57
  about becoming a mom. It wasn't, it wasn't easy.
• 47:01
  Um, but I reconciled that God, the universe would bring the
• 47:07
  child to me that I'm supposed to have, and he has.
• 47:14
  Unbelievable. I can't.
• 47:16
  I can't even like he has. It's just so unbelievable that
• 47:23
  you would put yourself in the world and sign a document and
• 47:29
  say, let's do this. Let us be quote, UN quote foster
• 47:34
  parents and you end up in a custodial situation where you
• 47:39
  have a daughter who's not in foster care.
• 47:42
  She has landed in a beautiful family with a father and just a
• 47:47
  beautiful relationship with him like you said, and you found
• 47:51
  each other. Yeah, we found each other.
• 47:54
  People always say, you know, they're like, oh, she's so
• 47:56
  lucky. And I'm like, oh man, do you
• 47:57
  know how lucky we are? And I always feel, I don't know
• 48:02
  if it's guilt, but when people say, oh, how you and Peter just
• 48:06
  like have done the most amazing thing.
• 48:08
  And it's like, it feels So what she's done for us is like
• 48:15
  indescribable. You know, the healing that I'm
• 48:19
  having, the reparenting of myself, the conversations that
• 48:23
  we have, the innocence, the determination.
• 48:26
  I can't slow down now. I can't.
• 48:28
  You know, I have I have these set of eyes on me and I want to
• 48:32
  be that strong person for her. I want to be that voice for her.
• 48:35
  I want her to advocate for herself like all these amazing
• 48:39
  things that I guess I always looked for in a role like a a
• 48:45
  career role, like a career. Role interesting.
• 48:47
  Yeah, yeah. You know, um, and yeah, it's
• 48:53
  been, it's been challenging, sure.
• 48:56
  It's been, it's been tough. And it will, she's a teenage
• 48:58
  girl, preteen. She's gonna be thirteen this
• 49:00
  year, actually. But yeah, it's been, it's
• 49:03
  turned, it's, it's brought up things in ways that I would have
• 49:07
  never, ever expected. I just we've talked about this a
• 49:11
  few times and knowing you and the one thing that's just
• 49:14
  striking me only just now is the fact that how lucky you both are
• 49:21
  to have found each other in this stage of life where you have the
• 49:25
  openness and the your humble. And you were saying like, oh, I
• 49:29
  want to show her how to be strong and show her like almost
• 49:32
  these like perfect traits of yours.
• 49:35
  I think how cool it is that like you also are in this like
• 49:37
  confident stage of life where you're like, I'm going to show
• 49:41
  you the messy. Yeah, I'm going to show you the
• 49:43
  menopause. Like, yeah, let's laugh about
• 49:46
  it, right? Like we do.
• 49:47
  Versus that, like I'm going to be this like the perfectionism
• 49:50
  that comes with having an infant.
• 49:53
  In. Your young 30s or 20s or
• 49:56
  whatever, when you're like in this, I'm still kind of in it in
• 49:58
  this phase of life where you're, I'm like Googling everything to
• 50:02
  do perfectly versus I wonder if there's this phase that you're
• 50:06
  in now. Especially given we haven't
• 50:07
  talked about your career, but this insane career in the
• 50:11
  corporate world that you've had in hitting burnout and coming
• 50:15
  out of it and finding breathwork and finding your voice and being
• 50:20
  like, cool, I can now parent you as a fully, fully grown adult.
• 50:26
  Not these little baby adults the rest of us are.
• 50:28
  When we've got these kids, those are always like, why?
• 50:32
  Why did they give us this child to bring?
• 50:34
  Home from Alaska yeah yeah I don't feel a comparison I mean I
• 50:38
  feel comparison in a different way you know of like not being a
• 50:41
  real mom There's there's there's a little bit that's come but I.
• 50:45
  But you're a real human. Yes.
• 50:47
  Yeah. Which is different, which is
• 50:49
  interesting. And you were talking about your
• 50:51
  mom just being so young, and that's it.
• 50:54
  That's also a different. Like, yeah, she was 30 years
• 50:58
  younger than you. She became apparent 30 years
• 51:00
  earlier than you. Right, me at 21 I had a parent
• 51:03
  that would just been a disaster. And look what she's done.
• 51:07
  Look who she created this incredible woman who lives to
• 51:10
  tell this like insane tale of these Migs and like these like
• 51:13
  Awols and. Yeah, there's a lot of love and
• 51:16
  forgiveness in my heart with my mom.
• 51:18
  Yeah, we've come a long way together.
• 51:20
  She's definitely a one of my superheroes for sure.
• 51:23
  And she's a sweet little Southern lady.
• 51:25
  She went skydiving at 72. Come on.
• 51:29
  And did she ever grow or is she still?
• 51:30
  4848, 47 by now I'm not sure, but yeah.
• 51:36
  And having Shakira in in our house is definitely changed the
• 51:41
  dynamic of who we are like just changed just brought such a
• 51:45
  deeper richer like layer, layer to us.
• 51:47
  Yeah. And going over into the, the
• 51:50
  career that you had, not going into like every detail for time
• 51:53
  sake, but knowing that you had a point.
• 51:56
  You did the, the old corporate, not to diminish your experience,
• 51:59
  but you did that old corporate dance where you hustled, you
• 52:02
  grinded it out. You had a you had injury in
• 52:04
  their concussion, leave of absence, and you're coming out
• 52:07
  of this and your final hurrah only recently was being laid
• 52:13
  off. Yeah.
• 52:14
  Yeah. Months after becoming a mother.
• 52:17
  Can you just take us to that snapshot moment of what that
• 52:22
  period of life was like for? You yeah, we, we Shakira started
• 52:26
  living with us December 3rd. And I remember almost instantly
• 52:30
  this other level of layer of hustle that came over me is
• 52:34
  like, I don't want to be seen as one of those moms that can't
• 52:38
  handle her job, can't handle her role, always is like, oh, the
• 52:42
  kids sick and I have to leave. Like I didn't, even though my
• 52:45
  husband would have been completely supportive.
• 52:47
  And that is no shame to any moms out there.
• 52:50
  I just did not realize. Nobody told me that that was
• 52:52
  going to be a part of the package.
• 52:54
  But it was so real. And none of us wanted to be her.
• 52:57
  I mean, I'm going to call it None of us wanted.
• 52:59
  To be. Thank you for saying that.
• 53:00
  No. Feel bad saying no, Yeah.
• 53:02
  We all did. I've talked to so many women who
• 53:05
  are high achievers, high performers in the corporate
• 53:07
  world who were sitting next to the mother, judging her.
• 53:11
  We all did it. We judged her for being a
• 53:14
  mother, for having huge responsibilities and real
• 53:19
  illness. Yeah, going around the family
• 53:21
  and being like, oht must be nice to leave early, right?
• 53:24
  That's the thing. It's And we all did it and you
• 53:27
  can't. I was.
• 53:30
  I was doing it to myself. And then you did it to yourself
• 53:32
  because you're like, I, I'm so aware of how I felt about her.
• 53:36
  Yes, that I don't want to be her.
• 53:38
  Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't want to show up as
• 53:40
  that. And then, you know, I worked in
• 53:41
  a male dominated space. I've always been.
• 53:44
  Reminding. I was in the chemical world,
• 53:46
  chemical that serves the mining and public paper industry here
• 53:50
  in North America. And yeah, like you just didn't
• 53:54
  want to be seen as one of those women.
• 53:56
  And then I, I was doing, I didn't want to be seen to myself
• 53:59
  as one of those women. And so I was putting this extra
• 54:01
  layer of like hustle on. And, you know, I remember
• 54:05
  telling Pete in January before I got laid off, I'm like, I want
• 54:08
  to do this coaching business. Like it is so important to me.
• 54:11
  I had, you know, surrounded myself or cofounded women's
• 54:15
  groups in these male dominated spaces.
• 54:17
  And I loved the impact and what it was doing as supporting for
• 54:21
  these women in these spaces. And I mean, this is really my
• 54:24
  passion, really what I want to do.
• 54:25
  And so I remember in January, I told Pete, I'm like, that's it.
• 54:28
  I'm giving myself a year. Well, again, the universe doing
• 54:31
  her thing, which I'll just say. Four months.
• 54:34
  Boom, boom. What?
• 54:35
  You're not going to do it, Erica.
• 54:36
  So we're gonna, you're gonna get a little kick in the butt out
• 54:38
  the door. So, you know, I got laid off,
• 54:40
  which turned out to be the biggest blessing ever.
• 54:44
  And so it's allowed me this runway and this space to create
• 54:47
  what I now call the inner edge. And it's all this lived
• 54:51
  experience that I have through all these many transitions, good
• 54:55
  and bad, that I want to bring to, you know, to the corporate
• 54:58
  world. And you know, part of my journey
• 55:01
  and my healing with this is I found breathwork after 2
• 55:05
  concussions, 1 very major, had two significant like burnouts,
• 55:09
  both medical leave. And so breath work was
• 55:12
  something, a tool that I was able to use that really helped
• 55:15
  me and grounded me. And it was like, how can I get
• 55:18
  this into the corporate space? You know, the hustle has got to
• 55:23
  stop. It's not sustainable.
• 55:25
  And that's what I've realized is all the things that I've
• 55:28
  survived got me here in this seat.
• 55:31
  But I don't have to live that way anymore.
• 55:33
  I don't think any of us have to live that way anymore.
• 55:36
  There's this huge collective shift where, you know, the
• 55:39
  hustle isn't cool and being busy is not a badge of honor, you
• 55:42
  know, anymore. And so how can I support women
• 55:45
  who are at the edge and want to transition into, you know, who
• 55:49
  they really are? That we had to like build
• 55:52
  ourselves up in these male dominated spaces to fit in, You
• 55:56
  know, we had to work harder, work harder and play to
• 55:59
  participate. And, you know, all these things
• 56:01
  and leadership has been taught one way or we've, we've, we feel
• 56:06
  that it's like it has to look one way, but it absolutely
• 56:08
  doesn't. And I'm seeing this work
• 56:10
  beautifully unfold with my clients now where they're coming
• 56:13
  in and leading, but they're real true values.
• 56:16
  They're real authentic selves, doing a lot of identity work,
• 56:19
  getting in alignment with themselves and just killing it
• 56:23
  and being the leaders that they want to be.
• 56:25
  And so that's, that's, that's my work.
• 56:27
  That's, that's the passion and my passion that I have.
• 56:30
  Shakira feels that my husband feels that, you know, the
• 56:33
  experience and all that. So.
• 56:35
  I could just see even though you are now speaking to the perfect
• 56:40
  clientele for you, I can just imagine, like imagine little
• 56:44
  Erica, like a little miniature Erica on your shoulder in all
• 56:48
  those transitions of your life whispering to like keep going,
• 56:52
  keep going. And there must there must have
• 56:54
  been a little Erica on your shoulder was telling you because
• 56:56
  you did keep going. You pushed through and created
• 57:00
  something out of it. And as you were talking about
• 57:03
  that too, the former marketer in me is like, see, This is why
• 57:06
  you're not buying the person in this snapshot of time.
• 57:09
  You're buying the person. You're hiring a coach like
• 57:12
  yourself who has like so much experience that is like like I'm
• 57:18
  not even talking about the personal experience, like the
• 57:20
  fact that you have a military background and like that
• 57:23
  discipline and you've been in so many male dominated industries
• 57:28
  and even the work you were doing, you were in sales,
• 57:30
  correct? Correct.
• 57:31
  Yeah. Sales within a male, the sales
• 57:33
  is a male dominated, whatever that.
• 57:36
  Yeah, yeah. In a male dominated industry and
• 57:41
  a leader, a leader in the corporate world now a leader in
• 57:46
  a household. It's like there's so many sides
• 57:49
  of it that just seem so obvious. And how did you come to put it
• 57:54
  all together? How did you know that?
• 57:57
  Like, oh duh. Well, I went to, you know, I
• 58:00
  hired someone to help me through the transition.
• 58:03
  You can't do this shit alone. Are you allowed to love it even
• 58:08
  more? Yes.
• 58:08
  You you can't do Texas. Like, yeah, you can't like.
• 58:12
  It's just this is the hustle mentality.
• 58:14
  Yeah, yes. Right.
• 58:15
  Think harder to come to clarity. That's not how it.
• 58:18
  Works. You know, why not take someone
• 58:22
  like our, you know, like Kristen and like she has the formula she
• 58:26
  hasn't figured out? I mean, I could beat myself up
• 58:28
  and try to go figure it out myself, but why would I when
• 58:31
  there's somebody that I know who I could trust?
• 58:34
  I believe in her. I know she's done the thing
• 58:37
  herself. Get somebody that can like guide
• 58:40
  you. It doesn't have to be even
• 58:41
  leading, but like walking step by step through this, you don't
• 58:44
  have to do these things alone. Even if there are a couple steps
• 58:47
  ahead of you, it's like, I don't know, it's like parenting.
• 58:49
  Like you, you ask the person who's six months ahead to you
• 58:51
  what's going on? Yeah.
• 58:53
  The person who's want you don't have to ask like Doctor Becky,
• 58:56
  who is this like world renowned? And you are world renowned.
• 58:59
  I would liken you to Doctor Becky, but but the person who's
• 59:02
  walked in your steps and is maybe a few steps ahead of you
• 59:06
  and. And it doesn't have to be paid.
• 59:07
  I think you should hire Erica. But it's also like.
• 59:11
  I think that's also there's like some shame or like, if I ask for
• 59:14
  help, then it means that I don't I don't know what I'm doing or
• 59:17
  Yeah. Are they going to judge me?
• 59:19
  Yes. You know, this, this thing that
• 59:21
  we do as women. Yeah.
• 59:22
  You know, especially high performers.
• 59:24
  Yeah. You know, we feel like we have
• 59:26
  to, we got to be the smartest, strongest person in the room.
• 59:29
  And that's just not that's just not how it's done anymore.
• 59:32
  You're going to burn. It's not sustainable.
• 59:34
  Is OK. So given I'm really obsessed
• 59:37
  with the notion of I don't even know how to ask this, giving
• 59:43
  given context, given landscapes of like the fact that there are
• 59:48
  male dominated industries, there's a lot of stuff that we
• 59:51
  can't, we can change, but we can't change it right away.
• 59:53
  OK, so somebody's listening and they're like, OK, I'm, I'm, I'm
• 59:56
  thinking of my girlfriend Amanda, who listens.
• 59:58
  She's in a male, has always been in a male dominated industry and
• 1:00:02
  she is a sales leader. She's freaking amazing at what
• 1:00:05
  she does. She crushes it.
• 1:00:07
  Given that we can't change the landscape today, we can all
• 1:00:11
  advocate to advocate to make things better down the line.
• 1:00:15
  What could we tell Amanda and anyone else listening who's in
• 1:00:19
  this? Who's a mother?
• 1:00:20
  She's a mother of three. How can she continue to perform
• 1:00:24
  at a high level without burning out while maintaining A
• 1:00:28
  regulated nervous system? Like, is there actually a way?
• 1:00:32
  Yeah, I mean, well, Amanda and I need to talk.
• 1:00:36
  You know, I think what gets us in trouble in those situations
• 1:00:39
  is we think of what their expectations are.
• 1:00:44
  And I'm not talking KPI's, but just like going back.
• 1:00:46
  Like Amanda's expectations? No, Amanda is thinking.
• 1:00:49
  I know what they want from me and I have to meet that
• 1:00:52
  criteria. OK, right.
• 1:00:54
  And it's a number though, right? Instead, OK, but it's a number,
• 1:00:57
  but it's freaking number. How you pitch, OK, what?
• 1:01:00
  How you're selling, the angle you're going at.
• 1:01:02
  I don't know how many times I went into room and they were
• 1:01:05
  mansplaining to me how to sell it, but they can't sell the way
• 1:01:09
  that I can sell because I am a woman, because I have a
• 1:01:12
  different I have a different skill set and you and
• 1:01:15
  experiences. You come from a different,
• 1:01:16
  different space. Sell it the way that you can
• 1:01:19
  sell it and only you can sell it.
• 1:01:21
  So where we found where I found like the burnout was I was
• 1:01:23
  always trying to match what they wanted me to do.
• 1:01:26
  What the expectation is that they want him and I'm let's not
• 1:01:28
  pick on the men here, OK, Like it's you know, it's it's just
• 1:01:32
  meeting that expectation or thinking of what their
• 1:01:34
  expectation is. Do it your way, because that's
• 1:01:39
  what's going to get you the cell in.
• 1:01:40
  Their inner edge, that's. The and you have to do it your
• 1:01:43
  way when you start working in other frameworks, that's where
• 1:01:47
  we lead to burnout and this whole leadership or what was how
• 1:01:51
  we're supposed to be in these male dominated that framework
• 1:01:54
  was not built for. Us well also the industrial
• 1:01:58
  revolution the way we work 9:00 to 5:00 none of that we all know
• 1:02:01
  it doesn't actually work. But yeah, hey this is the
• 1:02:03
  context we're in. This is the hand we are all have
• 1:02:06
  all been dealt and it can be I think it can be beautiful.
• 1:02:09
  Yeah OK so as we we layer in the the regulated nervous system.
• 1:02:12
  What do you we talked about this in the podcast quite a bit but
• 1:02:15
  what do you mean by that for especially love that you're
• 1:02:18
  coming at it as someone who is a freaking high performer.
• 1:02:21
  How without layering on more shoulds more like this is the
• 1:02:26
  exact blueprint. Like, you know, things like
• 1:02:28
  breathwork or taking pauses. Like how could say the man that
• 1:02:31
  we're picking on you? How can Amanda be regulating her
• 1:02:34
  nervous system amidst big full life?
• 1:02:37
  Yeah, watching or watching her energy management, not the time
• 1:02:41
  management, it's the energy management.
• 1:02:42
  You have to like we kind of look at work life balance.
• 1:02:45
  That's like a, you know, very buzzy term, but we we label it
• 1:02:49
  as like competing priorities. Why are we competing our work
• 1:02:53
  life with our personal lives? It's it's one big piece of it's
• 1:02:58
  one big pie. And we tend to like cut it off
• 1:03:01
  that like only that piece of pie like gets and then later if
• 1:03:04
  there's anything left, well, I will have the rest of that pie.
• 1:03:07
  But it's really like we're, we're, we're making those two
• 1:03:09
  functions or those two compete against each other, or that's
• 1:03:13
  how we're treating it. That's not how it's supposed to
• 1:03:15
  be. So I watch energy management
• 1:03:17
  over time management is a big thing.
• 1:03:19
  What fills your cup, not to be cliche, but you have to have
• 1:03:22
  these breaks. And time is your asset.
• 1:03:25
  It's your biggest asset. Protect it like it is the last
• 1:03:29
  thing on earth, right? You know, and that is having the
• 1:03:32
  focus time that you have for work, having the focus time that
• 1:03:35
  you have for your family. And without a doubt, the most
• 1:03:39
  important is having the focus time for yourself.
• 1:03:41
  You know, it's, it's critical, Yes.
• 1:03:43
  And I find that when I was in my hustle and my burnout, I was
• 1:03:46
  only focused on the work. Hmm.
• 1:03:48
  How do you have that powerful? We know a lot of this comes down
• 1:03:51
  to communication. How do you have a powerful
• 1:03:54
  conversation in that high performance culture where you
• 1:04:00
  can say I need to protect my time boundaries here, but how do
• 1:04:04
  you do it in a way that like maybe that hustler who's on the
• 1:04:07
  end other the receiving end of this conversation?
• 1:04:10
  So say a manager who's like work harder, work harder, work
• 1:04:12
  harder. How do you have that
• 1:04:13
  conversation so they can hear it and like, you know, like that
• 1:04:17
  boundary conversation? Have you probably been in this?
• 1:04:20
  You've been in those conversations.
• 1:04:21
  Yeah, it's, it's a boundary conversation and boundaries like
• 1:04:24
  feel really uncomfortable when you start it.
• 1:04:26
  And how can you, how can you soften it?
• 1:04:28
  Like I think it's very annoying when people are like, so I'm
• 1:04:31
  having a boundary conversation with you and no, no, no.
• 1:04:33
  And it's always like, really, I don't know, to be honest.
• 1:04:38
  Yes, I feel like. OK.
• 1:04:40
  Once I've like just encountered a situation where the person was
• 1:04:43
  like clearly like heard Brené Brown talking or something.
• 1:04:46
  And then it was like very scripted and it felt very
• 1:04:50
  inauthentic to them. And then they were like, oh, and
• 1:04:52
  you know, like, and these are the personal reasons why I want
• 1:04:55
  this raise, for instance. And it's like, that's not the
• 1:04:58
  way to negotiate anything. So how do you, you know, like
• 1:05:01
  people just never talk about the how?
• 1:05:03
  How do you? Talk about boundaries.
• 1:05:05
  So I have, yeah, a very specific example of this.
• 1:05:08
  Twice in my career I got and it happened more than twice, but
• 1:05:11
  specifically twice where I snapped back.
• 1:05:13
  I got cut off and, and like describing or explaining my my
• 1:05:17
  position and I immediately got cut off.
• 1:05:20
  And it's happened numerous times.
• 1:05:21
  It's a, it's a common thing. But twice in my career, I
• 1:05:25
  snapped back. Texas came out.
• 1:05:27
  Texas came out and it was right at the time that Kamala had had
• 1:05:33
  her debate with Mike Pence. Remember the famous line?
• 1:05:36
  He said I'm not done talking? Well, that was just sitting back
• 1:05:39
  in my pocket ready to be played. And I got cut off and I used
• 1:05:42
  that line. I'm not done talking.
• 1:05:45
  It felt so great in the moment, but instantly, like I had like,
• 1:05:49
  such like remorse, like I just like, oh, because what happened
• 1:05:52
  was I walked into that meeting already triggered.
• 1:05:55
  I already knew what was going to happen.
• 1:05:57
  I was already dysregulated. So that was just waiting to come
• 1:06:01
  out. That line followed me to my
• 1:06:03
  performance review the next January, like nine months later.
• 1:06:07
  So they're still talking about it.
• 1:06:08
  So it's like. I really wasn't done talking.
• 1:06:12
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a fact.
• 1:06:14
  But it came from a very dysregulated place.
• 1:06:16
  Well, it maybe didn't sound like your voice.
• 1:06:18
  I was, I was sounding really bitchy, like I.
• 1:06:21
  What is that so that? Happened that time and then a
• 1:06:24
  second time I got cut off much later in my career and I just
• 1:06:29
  went off on the guy, like went off.
• 1:06:32
  And again I felt really good. But then I see in the Zoom room
• 1:06:34
  people, it made people feel very uncomfortable.
• 1:06:37
  And then I started to spiral like after it.
• 1:06:40
  Why I'm saying all this is like, you know, these moments are
• 1:06:43
  going to happen. You know the boundary
• 1:06:44
  conversation is going to come up.
• 1:06:46
  Practice it in your mind before it ever happens because it's not
• 1:06:49
  an if, it's a win. I know that doesn't sound like
• 1:06:53
  any magic you know pill or magic potion, but honestly practice
• 1:06:57
  the the conversation in your mind before you have.
• 1:06:59
  It wait, but I like I like this, though I know you're saying it
• 1:07:02
  doesn't sound profound. It does sound profound to me
• 1:07:04
  because I think my issue with this like overhype on
• 1:07:09
  boundaries, maintaining boundaries is just when people
• 1:07:13
  are again doing it in a way like it sounds like the issue wasn't
• 1:07:16
  that you were protecting your boundary of like, don't fucking
• 1:07:19
  cut me off. That's important.
• 1:07:22
  But it sounds like you were like, oh, you know what?
• 1:07:24
  I think that Erica would actually say that in a more
• 1:07:27
  powerful, a more confident way. Yeah, we could voice.
• 1:07:29
  Hold on, I'm can I just finish my thought?
• 1:07:32
  I just would like to finish my thought.
• 1:07:33
  You know, not the. And and.
• 1:07:35
  And it could be stern. Yeah.
• 1:07:37
  I'm gonna finish my thought. Yeah.
• 1:07:38
  Perfect. And hey.
• 1:07:39
  Gorgeous little cute smile there with that no.
• 1:07:41
  It look that's but that's. Erica, but it looks professional
• 1:07:43
  too. Yeah.
• 1:07:44
  Whereas coming across like, I'm not done talking or this is my
• 1:07:47
  boundary. Yeah, You know, we have to also
• 1:07:50
  take it. And this is a big thing about
• 1:07:52
  the work we do is like, we can't change them.
• 1:07:55
  No, we can only. Change I know and you know you
• 1:08:00
  can get into. DI And it's like, yeah, really
• 1:08:03
  taking a huge, like, pivot, you know, pendulum swung to the
• 1:08:06
  other side in the US and I talked to a lot of women down
• 1:08:09
  there. You're not going to change #1 to
• 1:08:12
  a 10, but if you can change the number one to a three.
• 1:08:17
  So that you can stomach their presence.
• 1:08:20
  And if not, yeah. Yeah.
• 1:08:21
  We're not gonna, no. It's going to take time.
• 1:08:24
  Yes. It's going to take time yes,
• 1:08:27
  micro things, micro moments are bigger and like going back to
• 1:08:30
  the boundary conversation, you know, practicing it not this is
• 1:08:33
  my boundary stop, you know like what?
• 1:08:35
  But having a real way of protecting yourself.
• 1:08:38
  It sounds professional and sounds grounded and doesn't come
• 1:08:40
  from a very triggered red Texas State.
• 1:08:45
  Will you make a good point that like?
• 1:08:47
  You knew going into that meeting that you were going.
• 1:08:49
  Most of these situations in life we actually, no, you are going
• 1:08:53
  to come up, are going to come up at some point.
• 1:08:55
  Very seldom do you really have that situation where, like, you
• 1:08:58
  know, some creep is taking a photo of your kid at the
• 1:09:00
  playground and you're like, oh, Mama bear on them.
• 1:09:01
  Sure, whatever. Go Mama bear.
• 1:09:03
  Yeah. But when you're walking into
• 1:09:04
  that meeting, that is like the annoying status meaning that you
• 1:09:06
  get really triggered by like, that's a good point.
• 1:09:10
  Like a lot of these things you can actually prepare for in your
• 1:09:13
  mind. What I should've done is I
• 1:09:14
  should have had the conversation with my boss prior to that
• 1:09:17
  meeting just so that I could get, like a deeper
• 1:09:20
  understanding. Really, what happened is I
• 1:09:22
  wanted to just be heard. I just wanted to be heard.
• 1:09:25
  Yeah, I didn't want to be right. I just wanted to be heard.
• 1:09:29
  And so if that Amanda, any of the Amanda is out there
• 1:09:32
  listening, if that's what it is, you know, with the boundaries
• 1:09:35
  and stuff, you need to be heard. And there's ways of having that
• 1:09:38
  conversation. Maybe it's not fully in the room
• 1:09:40
  with everyone at the table, but there are ways of doing.
• 1:09:43
  How would you want to be approached with somebody's
• 1:09:46
  boundary? Yeah.
• 1:09:46
  Good point, Really good point, Erica.
• 1:09:49
  Everyone's going to just need a taste of yeah, they're going to
• 1:09:52
  need you in their life, especially these high performers
• 1:09:55
  we have listening. If people want to get in touch
• 1:09:57
  with you, how may they do that? Erica Latta LATA dot.
• 1:10:02
  Com Erica with a K. Erica with a K that's right.
• 1:10:05
  RI kadata.com. And you are a life leadership
• 1:10:10
  coach for high performing women, specifically in male dominated
• 1:10:13
  industries, but I'm sure everything in between.
• 1:10:15
  Yeah, and also a few brave men out there too.
• 1:10:18
  I've had some men like Reach Out who are interested in the work
• 1:10:21
  as well. Beautiful.
• 1:10:22
  Yeah. Who?
• 1:10:22
  Just people we want to lead in a different way.
• 1:10:24
  Yeah, thank you so much for your openness, your vulnerability,
• 1:10:28
  for being here. I, uh, you're amazing.
• 1:10:32
  I'm so happy to know you you. Are a Rockstar.
• 1:10:34
  Thank you so much.