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Turning Heartbreak Into Hope: A Mother’s Mission After Loss · Work It Like A Mum

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm Elizabeth Willis, and I'm obsessed with helping as many women as possible achieve their boldest dreams after kids and helping you to navigate this messy and magical season of life.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm a working mom with over 17 years of print experience, and I'm the founder of the Investing in Women Job and Community.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: In this show, I'm honoured to be chatting with remarkable women, redefining our working world across all areas of business.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: Let's share the secrets on how they achieve extraordinary success of children.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: We cover a tumbling place as coffee with your money mixed with an explanation.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Sprinkled with a career advice you wish you really had at school.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: So have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: Make sure you come and safe and get ready to get inspired and chase your oldest dreams on just survive Mondays.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: This is the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: This episode is brought to you by Investing in Women.
1:17
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1:28
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1:34
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1:40
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1:42
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1:51
SPEAKER_01: Now, back to the show.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Work It Like a Month podcast.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Today I am chatting with Beth Baldwin, who is an empowerment coach.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: She is an award-winning leadership trainer.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: She's the founder of the fabulous facilitator, which is a training and coaching consultancy dedicated to empowering women to drive for their goal.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: She's coached women for over 20 years of secretary, and she has a first-hand experience of complexity of women faith in day-to-day life.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: Because she lost her 13-year-old done in 2015 who died suddenly from type 1 diabetes.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: So we're going to be talking a little bit in this episode about child bereavement because I know that it's something that, you know, affect can affect affect a lot of people and something that I know we shouldn't talk about more.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: But also because I know this is a better life type 1 diabetes because it happened so that later hurt on beta obviously can happen to anyone.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: And I know she wants to raise awareness of you, you I know that, and you can obviously look out for loved ones.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: She's no, you know, she's worked so hard to um raise awareness of type 1 diabetes.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: She saved countless lives.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: Um and hopefully listening to this episode, we might save one more.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much, Beth, for joining us today.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Elizabeth.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: It's lovely to be here with you and your guests.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: Yes, thank you.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: So obviously, we want to talk about type 1 diabetes and your son Peter.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: So talk us through what happened um before he died, and maybe what were some of the symptoms he was um presenting.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sure.
3:51
SPEAKER_00: I had what you call a perfect family life.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: I had two children, husband, nice house, dog.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, life was pretty perfect.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: And it was the Christmas of 2014.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, Peter, my son, had just turned 13 and was off to Germany on a school trip.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: And he came back just before Christmas with the usual cough and cold.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: And he was a bit unwell over Christmas.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: So by the time we got to New Year's, New Year's Eve, I took him to the GP and she diagnosed him with a chest infection.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Now he was very flu-like, he was very unwell, very lethargic.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: Uh within 24 hours, I was calling 909.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: You know, anybody's worst nightmare was me on the phone.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: Uh, emergency services number was engaged.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that that could happen.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: Right.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: And when I finally got through, um, I had a sort of a gatekeeper call handler who was asking, you know, is he really that bad?
4:50
SPEAKER_00: It's news eve, it's very, very busy, like, you know, services are stretched.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: And I almost, almost said, Oh no, I'm sure I'm sure he'll be fine.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: But thank goodness I didn't.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: I stuck to my guns because when the first responder arrived, literally within five minutes, yeah, the first thing he did was prick Peter's finger and tell me he's a type 1 diabetic.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: He's in DKA, which is diabetic ketoacidosis, and he's in serious, serious trouble.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: And we had to get an ambulance blue-lighted straight to the University Hospital of Wales, which fortunately is 10 minutes away from my house.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then I had a nightmare of the next six days.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: We we were unaware of what type one diabetes was, how it could come on, the onset.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, he had this chest infection, he was just flu-like and unwell.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: And how all of a sudden is my son in critical condition in hospital?
5:47
SPEAKER_00: I it it it was too much to take in.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: They did loads of tests on him, and they told us he was type one, and they would regulate his insulin, and you know, many cases, over 25% of cases, are diagnosed in this way, but he would be okay, he's in the best place in hospital.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: That was not the case for us.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: 24 hours after we were in hospital, he had a cardiac arrest, and that was the beginning of the end.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: On the 6th of January 2015, we lost him.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it the DKA had taken over his body, and he just couldn't cope.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: And very sadly, we were the one in ten cases where you get a fatality, and I lost my fit and healthy 13-year-old son in six days.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: It's um you just can't and don't ever prepare yourself for that.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: And I think I'm an intelligent woman and a bit worldly wise.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: And why didn't I know?
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Why didn't I see the signs?
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Why didn't I recognise that it could have been something else?
7:01
SPEAKER_00: Yes, he had the chest infection, but it was masking the signs of um the onset of type 1 diabetes, which we now know.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: The signs are known as the four T's.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Toilet, thirsty, tired, and thinner.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: If your child is weing more, um, losing weight, really quite lethargic, um, and drinking, like really thirst-quenching drinking, go to the GP instantly and get an immediate blood glucose finger quick test.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: And they can do that in the GP surgery.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: It takes seconds, and the results are instant.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: And in the majority of cases, no, no, the blood sugars are fine, but in cases like Peter's, we'd have had a 24-hour head start, and that would have saved his life.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm so sorry.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Those 24 hours are critical.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: So, my life's mission now is for people to learn the signs of type 1 diabetes, toilet, thirsty, tired, and thinner, and always, always check.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: It takes seconds at the GP to check.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: The results are instant and you know straight away.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Now, yes, they will have type 1 diabetes, you can't prevent getting it, but the earlier you are diagnosed and the earlier you get the right medication, the insulin, the better your longer-term outcomes will be, and the easier it is to manage the condition.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: So it's just really important that vigilance that people know.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: We were very, very unlucky, very unlucky.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: What happens in the days, weeks, months after losing a child?
8:37
SPEAKER_01: How do you get back up?
9:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if I can answer that.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: You just you just do.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: Life sadly doesn't stop for anybody at any time.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: And I had an eight-year-old daughter who was turning nine two weeks later.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: I threw her a party.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it seems crazy.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, I got the community centre and we had the DJ, and it it it seems crazy, and I don't know how I manage that now, but you have got to cope for for her.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: Um she was my reason for living, and I had to to show her that life goes on, and very sadly you have to keep going.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: And I choose to channel my grief for good and to ensure this doesn't happen to anybody else.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: And it's 10 years this year, and we've saved 20 lives that we're aware of to date by the um prompt diagnosis of these children.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: So we know that the campaigning works.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: We campaign through the government, we campaign through our local Welsh Assembly.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: Uh, we won a Pride of Britain Award for our um our services to Diabetes UK and Diabetes UK Cymru.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: And we just want the message shared as far and wide as possible.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: You can't stop getting type 1 diabetes, but you can be vigilant to the signs, and you can absolutely make sure that there's as best outcomes for the diagnosis as possible.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: And can it happen at any can it happen to adults as well that they suddenly get it?
11:00
SPEAKER_00: It can.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: Our ex-prime minister Theresa May was diagnosed at 55 with type 1 diabetes.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: So it's adults and children.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: The um the vigilance around children is because obviously many young children can't tell you how they feel properly.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: And look out for sort of more wetter nappies or wet in the bed, as we, you know, discussed earlier.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: That rapid sort of weight loss.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, adults obviously can tell you how they feel, but it's learning those signs and having everybody aware of those signs that's the most important factor here.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: But yes, anybody at any age can get type 1 diabetes.
11:37
SPEAKER_01: So it's toilets are going, I'm just looking at your things again.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: So toilet going to the toilet more for a week.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we in, we in more weighing than you would normally, or wetting the bed.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: I remember um before we hit record that my mum's friend son, when we were children, got um diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and it was because he suddenly started wetting the bed.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: And he'd not been a bed wetter before.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: So I guess if you've got a child that's suddenly bed wetting, then that could be a warning sign.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, thirsty, drinking more.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, really thirst quenching, no, all the time, like getting up in the middle of the night to drink and lots during the day.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: Uh, kids are different with their drinking habits anyway, but this is real, sort of a noticeable difference.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: Tired, let's tiredness, that what's the matter?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, you think, oh, maybe they're low in iron, or maybe there's a lot going on.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: And as parents, we often excuse things like, oh, they've just gone back to school, so it's very busy, they've had a busy weekend, and and all of these things can of course, I don't want to scare anybody, these things are normal, but if the signs, if you've got a few of them showing together, it's absolutely worth going to check.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: And just because you go to check with your GP and you have a blood glucose finger prick test this week, and then in three months' time, the similar sort of thing, just test again.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: This is not a one-time test.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's fine, they were never gonna have it.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: It's a you don't have it right now.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: So whenever your child is ill, if there are these additional, you know, uh we and more tiredness and weight loss, rapid weight loss, always get checked.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: How do you parent this sounds because I know you've got two children, two um, so you know obviously you had three and you've got two um two remaining children.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: How do you parent the um like I don't know, do you become more overprotective because you know the worst can happen or you don't want it to happen to your other children?
13:33
SPEAKER_01: How do you navigate parenting ex you know, children after a loss of another child?
13:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's it's it's very difficult.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: I will always have three children.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Peter always will now for be forever 13, living in heaven.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: My my son, who's three and a half now, we talk about his brother in heaven all the time, and he knows him, you know.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: There is definitely, I don't know if you're spiritual or not, or what what anybody believes, but there's a definite connection between between the two of them.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, I I talk about Peter with my daughter all the time.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: She's 19 now, my baby's three and a half.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Peter would have been 24 this year.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, so you know that there is a bit of a gap there as you'll see, but I just do the best I can with what I've got.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm very, very lucky that I've got an amazing support network and family and friends.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: And I really don't know what I do without them, but they really do keep me going, you know, use the wind beneath my wings, as they say, and they really do help me facilitate the life that I want to lead, to show my daughter, especially given that she's just gone off to university, that you have to keep going.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Life is for living, and uh, we need to channel, channel the grief and channel the sadness and the energy into good and into helping and supporting others where we can.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, what a role model you are to her, to you know, your son, to you know, anyone listening to this.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know that you are is it a trustee of child bereavement charity?
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Believe here in uh South Wales, yeah.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, and a supporter of our local To Wish, which is a childhood bereavement charity, they provide vital support, immediate support for parents and families.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: When we lost Peter, there was nobody.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: There was a really basic beige leaflet that was called When Your Child Died, and a bunch of phone numbers and helplines that were out of date.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: The one that I did find that worked, you could only ring on a Tuesday between 9:30 and 11:30.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: And if the phone line was engaged, that means that somebody else was having support.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: And if they needed two hours, then tough luck, it were done.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: There was nothing.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: So to find to wish back then, the charity had only been going three years itself, uh, was a real lifeline uh for us.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: You just know you're not alone, and there's other families out there who know how you feel, and yeah, for that sort of comfort, if you like.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Nothing's gonna bring Peter back, but just knowing you're not alone is is something.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: Because I guess it's that as well, isn't it?
16:18
SPEAKER_01: That ice, that feeling you're the only one if you, you know, if you don't feel that you're going through it and obviously you're not at all.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: Um so what kind of support do um sorry, what how sorry, how do you say anymore?
16:32
SPEAKER_01: Two two-ish, is that right?
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Two-ish, yeah.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: To wish.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: What kind of support would you know do two-ish offer bereaved parents?
16:45
SPEAKER_01: How do they get in touch and then what are the steps to help, I mean, to help them navigate, like we just taught those early weeks, months, potentially years that they're trying to navigate this unimaginable grief.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Bereaved parents just need someone to listen.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: They just need to know they're not alone.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: They just need a safe space to as an outlet to their feelings.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: So immediate support.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to register for counselling that you're not going to get for another six months.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, somebody phones you straight away.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: You can access counseling, they do holistic healing, support groups, they run sibling days, you know, they're they're an amazing charity that's mainly funded by other bereaved parents raising money for them, um, who offer this immediate assistance and you know, uh events for like my my three-year-olds, support groups for my 19-year-old, coffee mornings for me, di different events and things.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a huge array of offerings, if you like, because they realise that not everybody needs the same support.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: And you know, they've got a men's a special men's group as well for dads, and even dads who don't talk about their their grief and their mental health so much.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: So they really do offer a very wide-ranging support.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I guess that sense of community as well.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: Massively, massively.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: You just know you're not alone, and when you go to see Father Christmas and you see a room full of children, you know that they've all lost a sibling, and just to be in the room and the the power of those sort of relationships and those friendships that form, um, it is is very hard to describe.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: So, what prompted you to become a trustee of organ donation?
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Was that something you did with Peter or no, no, no, no.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: A very good uh friend of mine who I know through to wish lost her husband and son very suddenly in a in a road traffic collision.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, and she set up, believe, organ donation support very shortly after they died because uh Wales was the first opt-out country.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, however, however, it's organ donation week this week, for example.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: And we're still no further forward, so there's there's very little um awareness about what organ donation means and how you can support people going through organ donation, whether they're the donor or the donor family or the recipient of the donor.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: My dad died when I was four, and his organs saved a few people, and there was one guy in particular that had an extra chance of life.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Now, my dad was a hero, he was a firefighter, and to be able to give his organs upon a very early death, age 31, of a of a brain hemorrhage out of nowhere.
19:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, we as a family have always been very supportive of this.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Now, when we lost Peter, he was in DKA, which then poisons the blood.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: So he was on dialysis at the same time.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: There was far too many things going on with his body for us to be able to donate his organs.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure he would have um at 16 signed the register and been on the top of that list, but it's very difficult with type 1 diabetes because of the complications in the body.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: So we didn't donate Peter's organs, but I'm on the list.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: My family and friends are on the list, and it's something that I feel very strongly about.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: If you're able to give that gift of life, and that's what my very dear friend did when her son and her husband died very suddenly, is she enabled others to live.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: And there's a little boy with her son's heart.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's such a beautiful story.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, I just think more people need to be aware of what happens with organ donation and the support that's available afterwards.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: We're actually opening on the 1st of December an organ donation memorial garden in the North of Cardiff for any local listeners who want more information.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: So you said you offered support, I suppose, to the organ donator and the person receiving the organ.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: I mean, what like in this crude is I suppose I guess we all have an idea of what organ donation is.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: Do you would you donate all your organs or do you decide which ones to donate?
22:08
SPEAKER_01: I don't know how how does it work, I guess, in principle.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: The NHS decide.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: It depends on how your body is responding at that time, that very sad time of death, that sad time of passing over.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: It depends what organs are available to be donated, and the sort of, I suppose, quality of those organs at the time and the recipients waiting.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: So there has to be somebody in the you know the so many miles vicinity waiting for that particular organ.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: It's very much a puzzle piece in um activity that the NHS do very well, but more people need to be aware of.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: Because if you say that you opt in and uh I'm happy for you to take my organs at the moment, if then my daughter said, Oh god, no, I don't want you to take them, that that's overridden by my daughter.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: When my wishes were I want you to be able to do that.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: So it can be overridden then by an ext of kin.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: Lack of education at the moment.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: So this is where the support and the education comes in, and we need people to see how these recipients of of of organ donors have such a you know an extended quality of life because of that, and what we can do in the same way as giving blood, I suppose.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's such a big decision, I guess.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: I guess, in a way, a bigger decision to I don't know.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: I I think I am on the organ donator list, but obviously, God forbid you think if something happened to your child.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: You've got to tell your family that that you are happy for your organs and that you can so that your family don't then go, oh no, no, it's okay.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: No, oh no, we don't want to go into that.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: It's um I guess it's that feeling, isn't it?
23:48
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh something's I don't I don't know, the person doesn't obviously won't feel it, but it's that whole feeling of like, I think it's like that reconciling what happens to you after death getting caught up and then guessing you're sewn back up afterwards.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: But of course, of course.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's the thing that a lot of people I don't know, that's maybe my blocker.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: It feels quite barbaric, and I know it's not another, I guess it's that focusing on the gift then you're giving to other people afterwards.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: What if one of your children was ill and very seriously ill and they needed an organ, you would be absolutely desperately crying out for somebody to donate that, wouldn't you?
24:27
SPEAKER_01: You would.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: I think it's also it's the thing you receive that organ, you know somebody else is going through unimaginable heartbreak.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: And it's how you also, I guess, in your mind, reconcile that as well.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: The cycle of life, isn't it?
24:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: As as one, as somebody leaves this earth, another baby is being born, and there is the natural cycle of life.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, we lost my grandmother in COVID and she was 87, and she was ready to go, and she'd had a lovely life, and that was her time.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: But losing Peter at 13, losing my dad when I was four, my husband at 30 with two two young girls under four, you know, it's that's not the normal cycle of life.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: And I I suppose I see it from a different perspective, having gone through so much grief in my life that yeah, I'm here to give and to make life count and to give back in as as many different ways as I can, whether that's through my business and my community or through the charity work.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you are definitely a giver.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: I you know, I can see that you're so generous coming on here, telling us your story and talk us about the fabulous facilitator and why you set that up.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: Well, for the last 25 years, I've worked in the empowering women space in training, development, and support.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: And I work for a Welsh women's gender equality charity called Quarotech.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: That means fair play in Welsh.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Speak Welsh.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: And I had a brilliant job there.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, the charity closed very suddenly, very unexpectedly, and we were all made redundant.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: So this was my time to finally um put my big girl pants on and say, I'm gonna go it alone, I'm gonna go freelance, I'm finally gonna run my own business.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: So, through many of the women I've supported across the years, one of them once upon a time called me a fabulous facilitator.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: She even wrote me a poem, bless her, very lovely poem.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: So I thought, why not, why not use that?
26:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, the work I do in coaching, training, um, supporting is facilitating transformational change for people.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: So it seemed like the right sort of name, and it's enabled me to continue the work that Quariteg was doing across Wales.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm certainly not the size of a massive organization like they were, but it's enabled me to continue supporting women in my own locality and further.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: So I set up the business after being made redundant, and I've spent the last sort of 18 months building a client base and a community sort of network of women in my area of Cardiff and beyond.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: What do you think is the biggest blocker that prevents women from achieving their ambitions, desires, potential?
27:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's what you advocate for.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: It's the childcare, it's the flexibility, it's the societal expectations of all the things it is to be a woman and all the plates you need to spin, all of the balls you need to juggle at any one time.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: I love my partner to pieces, but he gets up, he showers, and he goes to work.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: I get up, I feed the dog, I walk the dog, I sort the lunches, I sort the kids, I renew the car insurance, I think about what's for dinner, I sort out the birthday party for Saturday, I haven't even showered myself by this time.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: I've got a million tabs open in my head, a million open on the computer.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: I finally managed to get out the door probably an hour and a half after him, because I'm able to work more flexibly than he is, and off I go start my working day, which finishes early to fetch the children to do all of that again.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying he doesn't think about things or he's not supportive because he very much is and he does lots of things, but it's very compartmentalized for him, whereas for women it's all go all the time.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: That light resonates with me so much.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
28:14
SPEAKER_01: It's my this I sometimes think maybe I like my husband not to talk too much.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: He is good now because you said yours is good and mine is good.
28:20
SPEAKER_01: So I do not I feel like I shouldn't knock him, but like my daughter, for example, was reading a book last night and we've got a thing at this call track my read, and then she's like, Can you track it for making what?
28:30
SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, it's quarter to nine.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: I was like, Oh god, I haven't done it.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: But I don't think he even knows the logins.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: And it's things like little jobs like that, but just there are a million of them throughout the day.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: We have we have an adult childcare offer, so it's 30 free childcare hours for three to four year olds.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Sounds amazing, and it is very helpful, don't ever.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: However, the hoops you need to jump through to achieve this, by the time you've figured out how to do it, that age three to four has gone.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: Because the way that they work the system, and as being self-employed, I have to prove my earnings every 12 weeks to remain off the system, which is downloading bank statements and finding contracts from people that I've had to sort of prove that I'm I'm earning and I'm working these sort of hours.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: It's an it's an administrative nightmare to be able to have that flexibility of picking up the kids.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: So there are these sort of initiatives out there, but none of them are as simple a process as you would like to believe they are.
29:36
SPEAKER_00: And I did have him take on some of that, but he couldn't work out, and he's very good at maths, he's probably better at maths than me, but he couldn't work out how they worked out the hours.
29:44
SPEAKER_00: So again, the job came back to me.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: Leave it with me.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: Constant, constant juggle.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: What do you think the solution is?
29:56
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I'm thinking do we just not do it?
29:59
SPEAKER_01: We like go on strike, not do it.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: And what do you think is the solution?
30:04
SPEAKER_01: But then I'm my concern is well, then it just won't get done.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: She wouldn't have like, for example, her read wouldn't get tracked, and then she'd be upset.
30:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: We are thinking about everybody as natural nurturers, and I'm not saying men aren't nurturers, you know, I'm not men bashing at all here, but as natural nurturers, we take on those responsibilities.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: And when we decided years ago that equality meant that we needed to work as well, um, the sort of responsibility of the home, some guys do very well and take over certain things, but it's still predominantly with us.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: And I think Yeah, I think even us as the CEO, even if we can get them to do things or you know, out whatever, it's still that final, like the book always feels like it stops with me.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it does.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: No, absolutely.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: And you're the one fixing and juggling and finding problem solving.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: So you're the one that comes up with these genius ideas of how we can make it all work.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, some somebody said to me the other day, a very good friend of mine was like, you just need to book in a girl's day or a girl's weekend every single month.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, good idea.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, how many have I had?
31:14
SPEAKER_00: Like I've had random, random out, but the meal out is like, right, put the kids to bed, okay, so have a meal, maybe a glass or two of wine, but oh, must get back by 10 because of course I need my I need my beauty sleep.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm in my 40s, and everything is rushed and nothing is relaxed.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: I use it as an example in my coaching that um the the difference with men and women.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: I know many um we live in Wales, rugby is a big thing.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: Many of the men go off and watch the rugby, and many of the men play the rugby.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: Now that's at least eight hours a week, at least.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: At least, and that's before golf.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: That's a lot.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: So you see where I'm going with this.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: And you know, a couple of beers after work sort of thing, because it's a lot easier for men to do.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: Most of my clients, women, struggle to do a 30-minute online yoga session.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: An online one.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: And the partners are out doing this at least eight hours rugby, golf, tennis, uh, business networking, drinks, whatever it happens to be.
32:13
SPEAKER_00: And my women can't find half an hour for themselves online at home.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's tell me, tell me.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: That is crazy.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: It's right.
32:25
SPEAKER_01: If you're listening to it, if anyone's listening to this and that resonates, just do your 30-minute work.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: The very, very minimum.
32:32
SPEAKER_00: You deserve that.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: You do, you do.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: And you deserve a glass of wine with your friends.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: Whatever it happens to do.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: You put yourself last all the time.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: And it's really important that women prioritize self-care in whatever way that looks like for them.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: Not everybody will want to do yoga.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: For somebody else, it might be a facial, it might be reading a book or something, but yeah.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Over a walk, whatever it happens to be.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: That's the other thing I do, and I advise my clients to do these days.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: Is can you have a walk-in meeting?
33:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: Instead of does it have to be online?
33:02
SPEAKER_00: Can you I love a walk?
33:04
SPEAKER_01: I have a walk every day and I love it.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: And I'm I've got a dog, so that's I always like, I'm walking around doing a favour for the hat, you know, for us, but actually it's for me.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: I used to run with the dog, thinking I two birds with one stone, but actually the dog didn't really want to run at my ridiculous pace.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: And he was a bit of a hindrance when I was trying to get to, you know, a 30-minute 5k, for example.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: Again, you think, oh, yes, I'll walk the dog and I'll run at the same time.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Yet you're still not really giving him the time that he needs, or you need the time that he needs to be able to do it.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: We're always trying to juggle and make things work, make things so what do you do for you then that feels like you know, nice and for you, and you'd love to see your clients doing more for them.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's just taking that time, taking that pause time, whether that's reading a book, whether it's listening to your favourite podcast, whether it's meeting your friends after work for a Palates class or a glass of wine, whatever that happens to be.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: It's prioritizing you in the same way as you prioritize everybody else in your life.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: It's not putting you last.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, for example, I will put, I don't know, uh a half an hour gym session in the diary three times a week.
34:20
SPEAKER_00: How often does somebody say, Oh, I can only do you know 11 o'clock on Wednesday?
34:24
SPEAKER_00: And I look at my diary and it's like, oh, I put the gym in.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, no, no worries.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: Does that gym go elsewhere?
34:29
SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: So it's protecting the boundaries and making sure you've got time for you within that week.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: Because before we know it, it's now what end of September and another year, yeah.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: It's nearly gone.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: And all the goals that you had, all right, we're not gonna call them New Year's resolutions, but all of those goals that you had to, you know, do a bit more self-care, a little bit more exercise, read.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: How many books have you read?
34:54
SPEAKER_00: How many exercise classes have you actually been to?
34:58
SPEAKER_00: We have to take responsibility for our own self-care, for our own um social relaxing, switch-off time, whatever that happens to be.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: And it's hard, it's very hard to get somebody who can help you be accountable.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, friends, community, groups, networks, coach, whatever that happens to be.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: Find someone to keep you accountable.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: I I had a brilliant day on Saturday.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: So I went to um this manifestation workshop.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: I love like things like that with um my friends, and it was all day in London, and we went out for drinks afterwards, and I came back absolutely buzzing.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: I've was so full of energy.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: So, and that's the second time I've done that actually on a Saturday this month.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: I've left my husband twice this month, and you come back and you just feel brilliant, and I would highly, highly, you know, whatever it looks like for you, a day out, particularly on a weekend.
35:51
SPEAKER_01: I just like loved it.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: Put your own oxygen mask on first.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: Like so many phrases and sayings, whichever one resonates with you.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: Invite me next time.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: I would love a manifestation.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, it was so good afterwards.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: That is totally up my streets.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: I run a women's network here in Cardiff called the Women's Academy Wales, and this Friday we have a retreat fully sold out.
36:15
SPEAKER_00: It's at a lodge um just outside of Cardiff, and it's a full day of filling yourself back up again.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: A full day of reset, refocus, re-evaluate, reflex, ready for you know the busy season that is to come.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I do love the sound of you know, I see a lot of people now doing these retreats, and if people do them abroad, I think that's my next one.
36:36
SPEAKER_01: I've only ever done I've only ever done a UK one so far, but I think next time it has to be abroad.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: Hello, Cher.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: I'll happily jump on a plate and come with you.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: You need to commit, you need to commit to giving yourself time.
36:48
SPEAKER_01: I think if you book the ticket, you're very committed then.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: So that's quite you know, if you book the ticket, you're committed.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: But it's needed, it's vital for your self-care.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: Because the body keeps the score as we keep being told, and um you can't heal what you don't feel.
37:04
SPEAKER_00: That's Renee Brown, not not not a quote from me.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: But you need to make sure that you are looking after yourself because you can't look after those that you love around you if you are overwhelmed, uh overcapacited and um stressed out, burnt out.
37:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
37:21
SPEAKER_01: So if you're listening to this and you think I haven't got any time, but I honestly think you everybody has 30 minutes a day.
37:29
SPEAKER_01: I honestly do, and I think I think it's that pressure that you suddenly you might need loads of time to do.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, if you want to get fit, it's like oh neither to the gym and that's gonna take a couple of hours.
37:39
SPEAKER_01: Actually, no, you could just do, like you said, Beth, a 30-minute YouTube.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I'd love to tell you go and join the 5am club, but which I can't.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I could because the baby is awake, but you know, that's a different type of 5am club.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, but the earlier you do it in the day as well, the more you boost the serotonin levels in your body and the more able you feel to tackle everything else.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: So instead of leaving your self-care till the very end of the day, an eight o'clock online yoga class at night, when by the time you're probably exhausted, try and do it as early in the day as you can.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
38:13
SPEAKER_01: I do know I do um YouTube every day, you know, like 30 minutes.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: To be honest, sometimes it's not 30, sometimes it's 20, depends how much time I've got.
38:20
SPEAKER_01: But I feel no guilt that I do that in the morning before school while the kids watching TV or playing on an iPad.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you were protecting the time for you.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: And you know that they can only have that 20 minute screen time because then we have to get out the door and we have to do it.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: So I get up a little bit earlier, so I've got time to do it.
38:38
SPEAKER_01: Like I said, then I feel good, I know I've done it, and then yeah.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: It's all about balance.
38:42
SPEAKER_00: Life is about balance, and I think that you know, with my clients especially, I get them to look at what does your balance look like.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:49
SPEAKER_00: Most of the time, it is way piped, um, not in favour of them.
38:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, this has been such a good conversation, Beth.
38:58
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for coming on um so generously, telling your story, raising awareness of type one diabetes.
39:05
SPEAKER_01: We've obviously touched on some really heavy topics here.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, obviously, talked as well about augment donation, about the fabulous facilitator, which I know is your company, and a little bit um more about self-care.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: So if this um episode resonated with you, if you want to know more about Beth and her work, how can people get in touch with you?
39:25
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I'm on Instagram, Fabulous Facilitator.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm on LinkedIn, Beth Aldwin.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: Uh, we have a Facebook page, Fabulous Facilitator.
39:33
SPEAKER_00: So if you look at any of those, or Women's Academy Wales on Instagram as well.
39:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh, look us up, follow us, get in touch, love to connect with people wherever you are, all over the world.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: Happy to share what we do and help support the charities that we do just to raise awareness.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: You do a lot.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: So thank you so, so much, Beth, for joining me today.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Liz.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: Lovely to see you.
39:56
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to another episode of the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
40:01
SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to share the link with a friend.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: If you're on LinkedIn, please send me a connection request at Elizabeth Willet and let me know your thoughts on this week's episode.
40:14
SPEAKER_01: You can also follow my recruitment site, Investing in Women, on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
40:20
SPEAKER_01: Until next time, keep on chasing your biggest dream.