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GATEKEEP YOUR ENERGY Not Everybody Deserves Access to You · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed how some people don't necessarily want a relationship with you?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: They just want access to you.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Access to your time, your attention, your resources, your connections, your energy, your emotional support, and sometimes even your peace of mind.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment you stop being available, the moment you stop being emotional support on demand, all of a sudden, now you've changed.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're better than everybody else.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: You acting funny.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because somewhere along the way, I realize that having a having a good heart family, it doesn't mean that you need to operate 24 hours a day, like some darn customer service department, ready for everybody else's problems.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And here's something else.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the people most offended by your boundaries are the very people who benefited the most.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the conversation that we need to have today.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're talking about who gets access to you and why that access matters.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And why protecting your energy, it isn't selfish.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's strategic.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the misfits, and the overlooked leaders come to turn pain into power so that you can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're glad you're here.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, welcome back, fam.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on with you?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for rocking with me and trusting me with your time.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, you're sensitive, you're soft, you're entitled, and you're waiting on somebody to come save you.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're allergic to accountability.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Get your ass up out of here.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: This ain't your safe space.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and tap out now.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: However, if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to lose and live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because by the end, you're walking away with something that you can execute immediately.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to work.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, y'all, today we're talking about you need to gatekeep your energy, and not everybody deserves access to you.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And before somebody gets offended, you already should have tapped out.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: For the nosy ones, let me clarify something.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're not talking about becoming arrogant and cutting everybody off or acting like the world is full of people trying to get you.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about access, we're talking about access control.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a difference between loving people and allowing people to consume your life.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't decide what deserves your attention, somebody else will be more than happy to decide for you.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing that I promise you, their priorities more than likely won't have a damn thing to do with yours.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So let's unpack it.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine you own a home, you got a beautiful home, you worked so hard for it.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you worked two jobs, you did everything that you needed to do.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now you got it.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: You furnished it, you've decorated it, you got your bills paid up, and you have a beautiful, peaceful environment.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine you decide to give everybody that you met a key to your crib.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: You got your cousins have a key, your old work, your old co-workers got a key, the friend who only calls when they need something got a key.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Your siblings got a key.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody got a key.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now everybody can also come and go whenever they please.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody's eating your food, changing the thermostat, running in out of the house, running up your light bill.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Then you got somebody else complaining about how to run your house, and they don't even contribute a dime towards nothing.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, you're standing in your own living room wondering why the heck you can't get no peace.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let me tell you why.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because who gave everybody the keys?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we that's when we confuse being a good person with being available all the time and giving everybody access.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We think because somebody is family, they've earned unlimited access.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because somebody has known us for 20 years, they can interrupt our lives whenever they please.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And because maybe sometimes they've helped us once before or done something really nice for us, we've somehow obligated to keep helping them forever.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the reality: access is not the same thing as love, family.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And history is not the same thing as trust.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Think about your phone.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't give every application permission to access your camera, microphone, and contacts and your location, right?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: At least I hope you don't.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Some applications only need limited access, others don't need access at all.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And every now and then you need to check those permissions and ask yourself, why in the hell does this app still have access to all of this?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: We wonder why ads pop up on our phones and all these different things, family.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've given these permissions and access to our life.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: We've given all them information.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, family, guess what?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we need to conduct that same audit with people because some folks are operating with permissions that you gave them five years ago, and they haven't even earned that level of access in a long time.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's where human behavior gets interesting.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: One reason people struggle with boundaries and access is because we naturally want connection and acceptance.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And for some of us, especially those who grew up being rewarded for being helpful, responsible, or agreeable, saying no can sometimes feel like you're doing something wrong.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And even as a black sheep, you know, a lot of times we're people pleasers.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Man, maybe you were the family problem solver, maybe you were always expected to be the mature one in your family, or maybe you learned that keeping everybody else happy was the easiest way to avoid conflict, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: But now that you're an adult, you're still operating like everybody else's comfort is your personal responsibility.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody calls with a problem, you immediately start talking about it and trying to solve it.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody asks for a favor and you say yes before checking your own schedule.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Before you know it, your own priorities is sitting in the corner somewhere collecting dust.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, helping people is a beautiful thing, fam.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm the last person to be talking about and coming down about people helping people because I truly love to help people.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a difference between generosity and self-abandonment.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: See, generosity is something that you choose to give, but self-abandonment happens when you keep giving away what you need to sustain yourself.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the tricky part when people have become accustomed to your availability, a healthy boundary can feel like rejection to them.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't automatically make them malicious.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people need time to adjust, but their disappointment doesn't mean your boundary was wrong.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: See, you can care about somebody and about how they feel without surrendering your decision, right?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you set up your boundary and someone else doesn't like it, it doesn't mean that you can't listen to what they have to say.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's emotional maturity, but that don't mean you gotta change your mind when you set that boundary, fam.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now check this out, y'all.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into some of this ancient intel, okay?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, because the issue of being overlooked and undervalued by people that you continue to show up for, um it's nothing new, family.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now listen, there's a story um in the Bible, okay.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus returns to his hometown where people knew his family and they knew his background, and when he began teaching, right, rather than rather than simply considering what he was saying, some people question him like who you supposed to be, right?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And see, family, a lot of times when you start elevating and ascending in your walk and doing the things you're doing, and you bossed up, you got a different lifestyle now, you on a different level.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: People will continue to see you where you at, and they think they can just run in out of your life and treat you any old kind of way, and they don't understand that the person you are today, it has not become because of who you were yesterday.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: You a completely different person, you have revented your reinvented yourself because where you're at now and where you're going next, it requires a different person.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what, y'all?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: They keep trying to play you like you little pooky from the block, or you you know what I'm saying?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: You the same dude, the same girl from back in the day when you didn't have no boundaries, but you're not that person no more.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And check this out.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: So they were trying to play Jesus like this, and in Mark 6 and 4, Jesus speaks about a prophet lacking honor in his own hometown, among relatives and within his household.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this passage is about Jesus and the response.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right, this is what he said.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's practical leadership that we can extract from it, right?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't have to be religious or spiritual to get this, right?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the people who you know first are the last ones that's willing to recognize who you become.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you can develop your skills and prove your circumstances and accomplish extraordinary things, but somebody from your past may still insist on treating you like the person that they remember.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where we have to be careful: not everybody who remembers your past is trying to hold you back, right?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: But you can't spend your entire life trying to force people to recognize your growth and give you the boundaries and the space that you need.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So check this out, y'all.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: In another powerful passage, which is Matthew 10 and 14, Jesus instructs his disciples, check this out, y'all, that when a house, this is fire for a black sheep, y'all.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to this.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: He says, When a household or town refuses to welcome you, he this is what he was telling his boys, the disciples, when they refuse to welcome you or listen to your message, you should leave and shake the dust from your feet.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, y'all, do y'all understand that?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in the original context, he this is him giving instructions to his folks, to his squad, to his crew, to his staff, to the homies, right?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this wisdom that you can apply to your life.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: They weren't instructed to stand outside somebody's house for the next 15 years begging them.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, they were instructed, if somebody not feeling what you're saying, your message, if they don't understand the needs that you have right now, your boundaries, you can't be bothered with a whole lot of bull crop anymore.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: You you can't be around negativity anymore.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: If they don't understand your message, your connotation, what's required of you, if they can't under your boundaries, you gotta cut it off.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: They can't be around you.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not gonna spend your whole life trying to force them to get it.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: If they don't get it, that's fine.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: It ain't for them to get your calling who you're becoming.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a conference call, it was between you, it's me versus me, or you and the creator, if you a believer.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because a lot of us sometimes, family, as black sheep, we've been standing outside people closed doors for years, steady trying to get them to see us, knocking harder, trying to prove, hey, we haven't changed and all of these things, and I'm still the same.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I just need these boundaries or different things, and they've just been treating us any old kind of way, just doing whatever they want to do.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all, it's time out for that.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care where in the world you are today, man.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, life is changing, stuff is changing fast.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna tell you something they can talk all the crap they want to talk on TV about whatever politics, who don't like who, and all that bull crap, right?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: But as a black sheep, one thing about a family, your focus is your currency.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is that you plan on doing, you better go ahead and get started doing it.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you start a new career in aerospace, I don't care if you want to be an astronaut, if you got some invention, look around you, all the stuff that's going on.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not just the negative friff raff, that's always gonna go on.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: But look at all the cool stuff that people inventing, ideas coming to life, all kinds of stuff, right?
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you just think about how people that's defying logic, you got people that even defy uh laws of nature, and they walking around proud.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, what you waiting on for your idea?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait for nobody, and I'm starting to say this your focus, your focus is your currency.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: If a person don't respect your boundaries in this hour, I don't give a damn if you said you're going back to get your GED.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: If they don't respect your mind and what you build it right now, cut the access, family, and don't be trying to prove to them about why they should still f with you or come around and you don't mean no harm and all that.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, you ain't gotta argue with nobody, and you don't have to embarrass nobody either.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need none of that.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing about it, sometimes you simply need to recognize that an environment isn't receptive to you anymore, right?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you just don't need to be around, and that's not defeat, that's discernment.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's you positioning yourself to make your next move your best move.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another thing, family.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Stop confusing everybody else's urgency with your responsibility, right?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another way that we lose energy.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: They confuse somebody else's urgency with their own responsibility.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you're preparing for an important interview, studying for a certification and all these different things, and your phone rings and somebody needs a favor.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before you even find out what they need, you already rearranging your schedule.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me, okay, I'm on my way.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Give me about 10 minutes.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Whether they needed money or ride or they need you to listen to something that they got going on.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the last latest argument with the same person they've been having for the last three years.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And because you're dependable, old, faithful, you feel obligated to help.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: But let me ask you something, fam.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Who decided?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me who decided that their situation was more important or more serious than your commitment.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Who?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Who decided that?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, emergencies happen.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: People genuinely need help, and meaningful relationships require us to show up for one another.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: But every inconvenience is not an emergency, and every request is not an obligation.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the most responsible thing you can say is, I can't do that today.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm not available right now.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't need to submit a 12-page explanation without supporting documentation because your time is a resource.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't give it an assignment, somebody else will.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when you start protecting that time, some people might complain, you've changed.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have time for everybody, you don't have time for nobody no more.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're better than us.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, y'all, check this out.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Some complaints, it might deserve reflection.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You may need to think about it sometime.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I give me 24 hours.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think on that.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you really have been neglecting something important, right?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes when we get tunnel vision, we shut it all down.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Especially this black sheep, because shit, when you realize you've been spending so much time trying to fix everybody else and putting your stuff in a corner whilst collecting dudes, you like, I'm done.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done, done.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you say you're done, done, that means you don't want to be bothered no more.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: You mean it and you're gonna be a savage about it.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And quite frankly, family, I feel you because sometimes that's what it takes.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: But just be careful that you don't neglect the real authentic relationships that you have.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um they really, they really are rocking with you.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Don't don't neglect those.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it don't even have to be as much time and access as it used to be.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: I would say communicate with them and let them know, listen, I'm going in my optimist time mode.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going into my optimus prime mode.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm locking in and I'm loading up.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm about to give it all gas, no breaks.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: I love you, baby.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: I like hanging out with you, homes, but I got a TTYL right now.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can't, I just can't do that no more, right?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just got I want you guys to understand sometimes you might need to reflect on them things, but just communicate that to them, okay?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, it's game over for being available on demand.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can still love somebody without making it yourself available every time they call and all of that crap, right?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the bottom line: a boundary isn't established just because you announced it, it's established because you stand on it.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna stand on it, okay?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the last piece that I want to speak on this, okay?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is directly to my black sheet family, especially to those of you who have spent many years being mental underestimated or rejected like myself.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when you've been hurt enough, you start protecting yourself by every by keeping everybody at a distance.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: You'll cut everybody off.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even give a flip no more.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, you know what, you're done.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about it.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna just keep it real, easy, and simple.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something too.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know you've gotten cold-blooded when you just like, I ain't even gotta say nothing to you.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't about to make no big old broadcast, no billboard, no show about it.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just cutting you.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just cutting you off.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't even want to talk about it no more.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And family, what I want you to know is I know sometimes it don't come as a in from a place of um being bitter or mean.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that when you realize your time here on earth is so precious and valuable, you look back at your life as a black sheep, you know we've been giving this stuff away.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: We've been giving our energy away to people that don't even deserve it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: It'll almost piss you off.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's so easy for you to cut people off, right?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to understand, fam, there's a difference between solitude and isolation.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and I and I like listen, I understand where you're coming from, man.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You do, you do.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you gotta lock in.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I want you to keep a balance.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Be a savage about the time that you say is dedicated and committed to the things to your next.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you allocate and say, like let's just say, for instance, if you say from 5 a.m.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: to 7 p.m., that's dedicated to my next, my next chapter, my best chapter.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Stand on it and be a savage about it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: If it ain't somebody that needs to be able to contact you at any time, listen, I'm telling you, fam, because that's the only way, as a black sheep, in my opinion, that we can get some of our time back outside of divine intervention, because God will give you your time back.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's just on the believer end of it.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: He will give you your time back when you align your life purpose.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: I believe truly towards something that he wants you to do, which is always going to be to move humanity forward in a positive manner.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: You get time back.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: You ever hear how they talk about how people it almost looked like reverse the time on their skin and how they're looking?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's an inner job.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've all been through hell, but it's certain things about when you get aligned, you know what I'm saying, to what you were born to do.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you hear me always talking about purpose.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: But overall, family, let's say for any of you like, I don't believe in nothing, I'm an atheist, I just believe in myself.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's you, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing about it, as a black sheet, if you can resonate to what I'm saying as far as always trying to people please and giving everybody access to you, one of the ways that you can really optimize and get some of your time back, at least attempt to, is standing on the time that you say is about you and what you focus on and being a complete savage about it.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can be a damn pirate.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, fuck that.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm serious, y'all.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because the goal is to recognize who belong in your life, how much access is appropriate, and when adjustments are necessary.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because gatekeeping your energy isn't about keeping everybody out, but it's about making sure that the right things have the room to get in.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what brings us to this action mode, y'all.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, all right.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I got three of them for you, as usual.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, audit your access.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: This week, take a look at who receives the most access to your time, attention, and personal information.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Who?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Take a look and ask yourself whether that access reflects the relationship you actually have today, not the relationship you had 10 years ago, the one you wish you had, the relationship that exists right now.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Identify one area right now of where that relationship is as far as the access.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're gonna identify one area where you need to make an adjustment.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Where you need to make an adjustment at.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, practice the respectfully no.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: The next time somebody makes a request that conflicts conflicts with an important commitment, don't just automatically say yes, pause, check your priorities, and respond.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, you can simply say, I appreciate you asking, but I have to take a no on that.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but I can't take that on.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or I just have to give you a no on that guy.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just something, simply say, I appreciate you asking me, but I can't take that.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can't take that on, or whatever.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even about being rude.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: One thing family about saying no, it's gonna always feel weird.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna always feel weird because we're not used to saying no.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, black sheep move number three, redirect your energy.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is the most important one.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Don't take that in, don't take that energy away from something.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Decide where their energy is going next.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: See, when you cut the folks off or you have your time frame that's all about you and what you're working on, if you're spending less time entertaining that necessary drama, what are you gonna do with that time?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, start to think about what you're gonna do with the time that you have now that you're gonna have cut this access, fam.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're too smart to leave up out of here and move and we went into 2027.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: You too smart to be moving and giving all your energy to everybody.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't get nothing else from this darn episode or this darn podcast in general, as a black sheep, underdog misfit, know your worth.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're the type of person that always wants to make everybody else happy and smiling, and you know how to swallow your crap, even though you know somebody done sucker punched you or how life will slap you in the face right before it's time to clock in at work, and you can still go in there and smile.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Man, you a gift.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you one of them people that know you got some bull crap going on at home, maybe the lights off, and you still go to the job and act like ain't nothing ever went on, you a gift.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's game over for giving our time to people that don't freaking deserve it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: But we're not just sitting there like not doing nothing.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's time to put all that time into yourself and start to figure out what you want to do with it.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you already know what you want to do with it, go ahead and advance it, y'all.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, we're gonna be bringing some more things coming in, y'all, where we can talk about goals and dreams.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because one thing about here, y'all, I want you to feel comfortable and free to dream big.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: No dream.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, dream big, y'all.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you only live one time, what am I dreamitty bitty for?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you say, oh, I'm being delusional, I can't be an astronaut at 55.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, who said you can't?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: What rule book?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: They got a rule book?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because if Jeff Bezos is creating a rocket ship where uh people can go and visit, well, seriously.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna count yourself out?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're literally creating a tour system for outer space.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna count yourself out?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: So here's today's final verdict.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become cold family, just become selective.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become arrogant to develop standards.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: You just don't have to cut everybody off, but you're still protecting your peace because your time matters, your energy matters, and your commitments that you've made to your future, they matter.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some people they will respect your boundaries, others may need to adjust.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And some may never agree with them.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not for them to agree.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: You just tell them it is what it is, and that's required.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: See, everybody can know you, but everybody does not need access to you.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's not arrogance, that's discernment.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: So don't just hear today's lesson, family.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Run the play.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Run this play, family.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next one.