Latest / Damaged Goods with Andrea Abbate / 1. Molested AF with Alex Duffant

Transcript

1. Molested AF with Alex Duffant · Damaged Goods with Andrea Abbate

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have herpes?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have herpes?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Have you been molested?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh hit by a loved one.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Are you do you have a restraining order out on someone?
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is the podcast for you.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Molested AF with Andrea Abbott.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, episode one.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: We couldn't even find parking.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Can't even find parking show at 15 minutes ago.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was driving around looking for a parking space.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, my name's Andrea Abbott.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is Molested AF.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And uh it's a referring to myself.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just referring to myself.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I've been molested AF, but you know what?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can take a lickin and keep on ticking.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's why that's what I got going for me.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And this is my great friend and producer and partner in crime.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this is Alex Dufont right here.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Alex Dufont, yes.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, first of all, I gotta be very clear is I I forced her to do this podcast, by the way.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: Don't blame her, blame me, because you help so many people.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I think it could be and you're so funny, your dark sense of humor that we had to somehow get like a consistent thing going to highlight you.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you know.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I am forced here, even though I'm wearing full-on makeup and have no chains.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, but you know what I noticed when I was driving around looking for parking is that we're right by the Roxy.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're stone's throw from the Roxy, as they say.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the first job I got when I went, came to LA for college.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I graduated early uh just to get out of the house and came and then pretended I was 21 when I was 17 and worked at the Roxy for four almost four years on and off till I was fired two days after I turned 21 for serving a minor, if that isn't karma.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: The guy who ran it, Mario, he used to be called the Suns, the Godfather of Sunset Boulevard.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because he was very mafioso and scary, but he would always call us, get you, get your come on, douchebags, get your ass out there, lovingly.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I when he said, I gotta let you go, you served a minor, and I said, That is so fitting because I just turned 21 like two weeks ago.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Get out of here, you fucking douchebag.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that was how he said goodbye to me.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you came to LA at like 18, right?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, I came to LA when I was 16 and a half.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: Whoa.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, wow.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was super smart.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't smart, I was conniving, and I wanted to get out of my house.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought I can either run away, that's always an option, and could be fun, you know, could be fun.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I never really did that, or I could apply myself and go to school through all the summers and speed it up so I could actually graduate and be uh and go off to college with a new car.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: So you graduated early, yes, and moved to LA in order to try to get yourself out of your house?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I achieved my goal when I drove off.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Most people go to college.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was just like going.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: College was the college was like the strategy.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I, you know, I liked UCLA, it was fun, but I didn't have a purpose except for to get away and and it worked.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And here I am.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Did you graduate from UCLA?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you have to bring that up?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh sorry.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, but I almost okay almost.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I say I did.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, I did.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I should stick with Joy.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I got a graduation present.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean I graduated?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I guess so.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's like the reason why, because you've helped me a lot too.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: You've helped other comics a lot.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason I thought it would be cool to get you to try to get your own podcast going, helping people, is this mindset.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like already at 16 and a half, you know, in a tough household, you learn to no, I instead of running away, I'm gonna study hard graduate.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then I'm gonna leave on my own.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: And that pause that hard working positive mindset is what got you here now and could help so many people.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what one of the reasons why we're here today is like, let's try to get Andrea going and try to see like what I see, what our friends see.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, Lauren, Logan, or a couple friends who say great things about you, help them.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know um there's a lot of other comics you've helped normal people, not even comics you've helped.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm excited to get this thing going.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, of course.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Alex, thank you.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have a soft spot in my heart.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of drug addicts in my family.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like the black sheep of my family in that I'm I have no warrants for my arrest.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I don't have uh a drug problem right now and uh or anything.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so they're just like, who is this person?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: But so I like to take in people uh who need help, and uh that's my favorite thing to do besides mocking people.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Help slash mock.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Besides making fun of them, yeah.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like yeah, help slash mock.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Mocking is uh a way, I'm sure all comics relate to it, but don't you mock as a way to process something, you know, whether you are bullied or whatever, or you don't understand your parents, or you're not talking to somebody in your family, or someone is rude to you, mocking is a great way to just uh kind of go from effect to cause.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm cause over this.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a fucking joke.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm meant to get dumped by that guy on the side of the road.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's the best joke I have.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: Ha ha.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know what's crazy too is because when I see you on stage, it's like like you don't you go into these dark subjects and you're so jokey.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: You have a joke every seven seconds.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so when you go into these type of jokes, like people think you're kidding.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: People think your story is a punchline.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: So another reason for this podcast, you know, is the reason why I push you to do this, is like you gotta find people gotta learn about you as a person.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: And when they learn about you, they'll understand these jokes are hilarious, but they're also real.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a lot more powerful.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I actually have a tip for one, and I I've told uh some female friends of mine uh about if you're ever this is oh, this only works for date rate.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Only works for date rate, but this got me out of a uh situation once.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, should not have been drinking and in the jacuzzi with the person wearing underwear.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I had a bra, pretty sure I had a bra, and his shirt.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, that's all once you're wet, that's and there's nobody else, and I'm at your house.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so these were all poor decisions, but and they're a cop and they have a gun, and they're 6'4, and you're 115 pounds uh sopping wet, of which you are.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't I never get my hair wet though, okay?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just for vanity purposes, anyway.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that was all fun.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh ha ha, we're having a beer.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think beers work stronger in the hot jacuzzi.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm not a scientist, but I am a slut, so I have to say, but anyway, so we go from there to he just pick me up and takes me into his bedroom because that's the size difference.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're on the bed, and now I now is the the I don't want I uh this it's like a shock.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, what's happening?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: What's happening?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's heavy.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so but here's what I did, and this is the tip.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: The reason I'm bringing this up is to help people learn from my mind how great this was.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: So he has me flip, so I'm sitting on the bed, he takes my legs and flips me face down, just you're down, you're a piece of meat, and you're going down.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm like, oh no, I don't want to do this.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm no, I don't want to do this.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I don't care.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then and he's like, something I forget what he said, but it was kind of cool if you were writing a movie about a cool rapist anyway.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever he said was kind of like did you say the line for later?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, I know I forgot what it was because all I was like, oh, this isn't working.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what part of I don't give a shit, don't you understand?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: So now I realize the struggling's out, saying no is out.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what you do.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Listen up, ladies and non-binary people, and your assistant, and they themselves and anyone who relates to this, anybody who doesn't want to be raped.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: I comes to me in a flash.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: What would you do before I tell you what I did?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: That worked, that worked.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: What would you do?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: What would I do to keep a cop from raping me?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't fight back.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: He's way, way bigger.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's he must be like uh yeah, that'd be kind of hard.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: He would have to be like seven feet.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's seven feet.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: He's seven feet tall trying to rape me.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: He's a he's a police officer.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: You were in a jacuzzi with him.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: I was in a jacuzzi with him, wearing his shirt.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of a hard pass.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of a hard thing.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: I know I'm wearing your shirt.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: I know I was in your jacuzzi.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now here we are, but I don't want to be in the bed right now.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be in the bedroom.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Not like this.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what I would do.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: I have no idea.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: What would you what did you what happened?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: What did I do?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you what I did do.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I asked earlier in the evening.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: He had said something about his mom.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: That his mom, I forget what, had emphyseme or something.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I brought up his mom nonstop.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Here I am on all fours.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: He's behind me trying to pull my soggy wet underwear off.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, you know what?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your mom sounds so nice.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder what she's doing right now.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Does your mom, does she have to walk around with oxygen?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your mom, do you look like your mom?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I bet your mom loves you.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is she proud that you're a policeman?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I talked about his mom till his dick went soft.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, ta-da! My work is done here.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So please, if you're ever in that situation, mom your way out.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't believe it.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I oh, he had told me that his mom liked to listen to Lawrence Welk, which was a show, I guess a long time ago.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: That so I was like, I wonder if Lawrence Welk is still alive.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: If your mom watches reruns of Lawrence Welk, I just was on that until he like pushed his way away from me.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: You kind of raped him with your thoughts.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: I did.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And he was not drinking, he doesn't drink.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I my little little ass got out of there uh that night.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: That night.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: That cop guy uh used to always when we went to dinner before then, we had some dinner dates, he would always say, You see this spoon?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: You could scoop a guy's eyeball out with this.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: If he would always turn everything into a weapon.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, your cop boyfriend.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: You see this fork?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: You put that in someone's eye, and I'm like, I'm not doing that because I'm not doing that.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: You can do that.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I would feel like they would take my arm and then I would get stabbed with the fork.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I had my so that got me to think of what is my plan?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And my plan was this.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: If a guy, and and back in the day when we used to go to the improv and we all parked in alleys to uh, you know, park for free because we're getting paid nothing.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, drink tickets.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can't pay for parking with drink tickets.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: So we'd park in these alleys and then walk out at 12 o'clock at night and try to find our cars, maybe a little tipsy.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of girls did uh get raped.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: I knew three girls and they were not lookers.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so, um, anyway, so I had a plan about what happens if I'm raped when I'm just walking around.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what it is.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: If someone came into my house and wanted, if someone got me off the street, all I would hope for is that they would try to take me to a second location.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I know they say don't go to a second location, but listen to this.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're not getting to the second location, guys.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is what I've seen from all the crime shows I watch.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's about control.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: They want to be in control.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: So as soon as they come to rate me, I'm on them.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my God, I've been waiting for this.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Take your clothes off.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is so cool.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see your dick.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, you're so good.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: But can we just can we can we get in my car and get some alcohol?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I will be the most fun time of your life.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just get some alcohol.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I would take all my clothes off while he's driving to show how into it I am.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And now, pull into the 7-Eleven.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my here's my credit card.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm naked, so what do you think I'm gonna be doing?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be running for my life as soon as you walk in there.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now I run out and I'm saved by a stranger.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, wow.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have not tested that out, but I think it's I think it would work.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just being so forward, my girlfriend who's cute, has such a uh pick me personality that guys run after a five-minute conversation.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: So based on her, I'm just gonna go full on.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love your hair, I love your eyes, oh my god, you're the cutest guy.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: We could be boyfriend and girlfriend.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get married.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, let's go.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I want to get pregnant, I want to have your kids until they go.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's not rape.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's called run for your life.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: You victed crazy person.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: So, what what got you into like helping people?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: And like what got you into like because you've told me stories and stuff.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like what got you into that kind of stuff, trying to be of service and stuff like that?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, um, I was helped.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was a little drug addict long ago, back when you had to buy your drugs on the street.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Back when you had to, back when there was just uh phones, uh pay phones, and you called someone and they said I'll be there, and then you waited there.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: And are they coming?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Did you remember the time right?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're praying to the God of drugs that he comes.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I believe in the God of drugs, yeah.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: He OD'd for our sin.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: So um, but anyway, so back in those days I was a drug addict, and uh I got help.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I got help and I got off drugs and I haven't taken any since.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I I have been helped a lot, and I was very um not really suicidal, but just I don't care if I get run over, kind of girl.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care, girl.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was I don't care.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: I thought going to college would save me, like just get away from the madness, but I didn't realize all the mental tin cans I was gonna drag with me.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I didn't, you know, like the just married, how they did on cars back in the day.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good way to describe trauma.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good way to describe trauma, I guess, right?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, mental tin cans that are following you.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like a bunch of noise, everyone sees it.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and you're like always, I was having so many internal conversations in my own head.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I probably didn't seem like I was paying attention that much.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely wasn't that funny and or clever because all of my atten stress and attention was going on.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you asked me, How are you?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, how are you?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why is he asking me that?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Does he have an ulterior motive?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Does he see that I do I look bad?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do I look like as bad as I feel?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Is he trying to take advantage of me?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, did you say anything?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Did you answer him?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to say something.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm okay.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: How about you?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh God, now are we gonna date?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is he gonna ask me out?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And now what am I gonna say?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that was how noisy my head was.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I I can't even do my head justice because there was way more thoughts, but I was stressed out being myself, living, just living and interacting with people was very stressful because I had so uh much going on.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I got a lot of help, and uh so then once I was helped and feeling better um and not having anorexia anymore for any of you little eating disorder people out there.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I shout out to ED.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't it funny that it's erectile dysfunction and eating disorder and special ed and education?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: It stands for education too.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we need some new initials.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Erectile dysfunction seems like it went out of the way.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: It should just be like M D, malfunctioning dick.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: MD.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, that's like doctor.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have MD.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, are you a doctor?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, my dick doesn't work.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh but something we could come up.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Eating disorder, that's what it is, but erectile dysfunction.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I always thought it was ED, erectile dysfunction.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Or special ed, right?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea about the eating disorder.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know that was a moniker there.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really know either still.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I started posting to Instagram and found out that eating disorder is ED.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I still would like to keep eating disorder because you can't just put/b, you know, for bulimia.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's you need two initials.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: T U stands for thank you, I guess.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what, but you can't that can't stand for throwing up.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you need you need eating disorder is a whole category of are you bulimic, are you anorexic?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, are you all of that?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was all that.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I now just eat normally and drink Perrier.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is organic.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about this, but it was made in France.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's practically organic.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: These two things you will love.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: If you're bulimic.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, just if you're regular, if you want no cow.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: No cal.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, forget local.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm no cow.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Stands for Northern California and no calories.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know a lot of uh people who struggle with that.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And in a future time I'm gonna wear a more tight fitting, but I hope you can see that I have meat on me.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you look pretty heavy, to be honest.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: You should probably slim down a little bit.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Slim down a little bit.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Little slim shady action over here.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um anyway.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Fatso?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Fucking fat ugly.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: You have E D.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: I do have E all of it.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: Special ed and artile dysfunction and eating disorder.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: Eating disorder.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: All three.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: It took a short bus here.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Alex Dufont.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: A D E D.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: So close.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: You could name your you should be Alex DuFont.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, let me cross my legs.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: When I was anorexic and had an eating disorder, I would never cross my legs.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I would never because why?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you cross your legs, I should wear a dress so you can really see this.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: One leg will be laying on top of the other leg, and the top leg might look heavier because it's laying down on the other leg.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, you thought about that.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: All I thought about, I would always have my feet like this, and I would see how I'm standing on my toes.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I would keep my knees up so my legs would not hit the chair because that might make them look heavier.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was 79 pounds and uh worried that my I thought my knees were so fat because it they went like that and then my thighs went in and I was like, I've got so much fat on my knees.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, that's how I got into helping people is uh I needed a lot of help.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I needed a lot of help from myself.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of uh I'm surprised.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I didn't have the confidence to be a stripper, but I'm surprised I wasn't ever a stripper.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like strippers, shout out to strippers.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: I really love you guys.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're so athletic.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: I could never do that whole poll thing.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, beautiful, athletic, doing all that with a fake butt and fake boobs, and holding yourself out there, and supporting a family.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or a habit.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, or a habit, supporting something, or your dreams, making your dreams, whatever.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're athletic.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: It people think, oh, that's just a poor life decision.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's athleticism.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: I be wouldn't be surprised if in the few years that's gonna be in the uh Olympics.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I want to stripping Olympics.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: The stripping that is a category that could pull people in, that's all I'm saying.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I wonder what country would win.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: I think we would.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: America would win?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Stripping?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: I yes.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: England wouldn't.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, England would definitely would not.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe some like southeastern country or something, like maybe Southeastern?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, some like Thailand or something like that.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: Some third world Asian country would win.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Third world?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're calling them third world.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Is that second world?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is uh not racist, but I think that's countryist.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that that could be.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think the only people that would give us run for my money, our money, our money is Russia and the Ukraine.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's where Russian strippers.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: They are.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: But what we have in America is a cross section.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna get the most beautiful black girls you ever saw, the most beautiful Spanish girls you ever saw, the most beautiful I don't know, if you involve what?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Baldwin.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was gonna say Thai, Asian.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: We've got it all here.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think we win strip orama.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think we bring home the gold.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um do you guys have a f favorite strip club or strip country?
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't do even know.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think in Thailand and places like that they just go to porn.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like Bangkok.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that they have you know what we need, we should do uh research.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna leave that to you.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Episode two, we're in Thailand.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: The uh any um so this being the first podcast and stuff like that, like what are you trying to achieve here doing this thing?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um I would like to just see how our vibe is.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: See how our vibe is, and also I would love to help someone.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I sent out a survey to a lot of people.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: I sent out if anybody wanted to be on the phone and talk to us.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, or me in particular.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we got yeah, we got someone soon.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we did.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: Our first call coming soon, yeah.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, that's really exciting.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of kind of nervous about that.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I would love this to be a combination of um humor and uh uh laughter, like hard jokes and but help.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: Hard, okay, yeah, absolutely.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hard jokes, but help.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it has to be you came in right away.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: I I came in episode zero, one, you're being like, well, let's just talk about the show, and you're like boom, boom, boom, joke, joke, joke.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: You want it.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm a money player.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: I told you that.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you don't want to waste people's times.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: You want to come in being like, these are a bunch of jokes.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: Here's some help.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: Here's my story a little bit.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: Here's a value, like no BS.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, exactly.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've been on the street before for a long time doing many things, you know, not only serving drinks at 17 and getting kicked out.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I met some famous ass people on the same street.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and I I don't necessarily need to mention them all, but I I I got uh drugs on this street.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: I got in a car accident.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've hitchhiked up and down this street back in the day.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: That was so fun.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um you probably never hitchhiked.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: Call me a pussy?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, but I don't know if anybody would pick you up.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I'm saying.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't think you have I am think you'd be too scary, right?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Dude, it's crazy.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'll see photos of us on stage or you know, us.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you and I hanging out.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's just totally different.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's totally weird combo.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like this giant man in this little studio trying to hold on.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: I feel so constricted, and you're just like, yeah, let's go.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, let's go.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just like, uh definitely a weird combo, but but appreciate it.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I did you ever try to hitchhike and weren't picked up?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I had an axe.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: I had an axe and I had an eye patch and I had like my gun there.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, never, never hitched.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: Hitchhiking was like by the time I was like teenage years or hitchhiking as a kid, yeah.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's been that was long gone.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like that was probably your generation where people hitchhiked more.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh by my generation, like people were like, they never never do that kind of shit.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, no.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: I even hitchhiked when I was a mom with kids, so I hitchhiked when you guys I did.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, you didn't.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: What how?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was taking my kids to the beach.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was divorced from my second husband, I think.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, it's gotta be second.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was in between second and third, and uh we're and so I do you think I've a I'm a type A or type B right now?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: Personalities.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're like a type A right now, right now?
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I mean in life.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like right now, then I've known you the last couple of years, definitely like type A, like go, go, go.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: Things on time, but what you're describing is not type A at all.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was not type A.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was type B.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: You had kids, second marriage, like you were like in it.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was just uh yeah.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: But so the reason what I I say about the type B is I'm taking the kids to the beach.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: We live in the valley because I got two kids and I'm divorced, and uh I never wanted anybody to uh uh one time I I did a TV show and this casting director who is a woman said to me about another actress, Oh, what do you think about that show?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: This was at CBS, and I said, Oh, yeah, it's it's nice.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, What do you think about this particular actress?
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Well, her energy is not the same as the guy.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, Well, you know why she got that role.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, No, why?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, Because her husband's a producer.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I right then thought, Oh, only date losers.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: Never date someone who could help my career in any way.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I make it, I don't want that guy to get the credit, like, well, you know why she's here because her husband is blah, blah, blah.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, date guys with guitar picks in their pockets, nothing going on.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: No one question you.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that way, yeah.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Live in that studio apartment with no money, but no one's gonna question you with two kids and uh all in the same, yeah, it was hard.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, back to type B hitchhiking.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I'm taking them to the beach, Alex, and uh, of course, I did not look at if I had gas in my car.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's not something you check for.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: So now we're on the freeway, we're on the 405 almost to the 10 to get to the 10 west, and we sputter off.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I only had a car because I wanted in a game show.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: So uh because I did marry losers, nobody to give me a car or anything.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, go on car trucks and get that car.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, as my son said, you had the bottom of the line Toyota, Tercell, bottom of the line.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but yeah, we did, and I love that little car.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, it ran out of gas.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: So now I've got my two-year-old and my nine-year-old on the 405 freeway.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: I pulled over, and uh, they're like, what are we?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, mom, mom.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, stay in the car, don't worry about it.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I walk a few feet ahead of the car and put my thumb out.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Boom, this beautiful old El Dorado Cadillac with this very nice black guy pulls over.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, could you give us a ride to blah, blah, blah, to gas station?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a little plastic thing, you know, in my car for gas, one gallon thing.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: So now I go back to my kids.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you guys come out of here.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't want them to get run over.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: That was so motherly of me.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: I so I'm like ushering them into his back seat.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like You're on the 405.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're on the 405.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Six lanes either way.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: This is the big largest freeway in the country on the side of the 405.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's one o'clock, great suntanning time.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we're missing it because we've run out of gas.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm getting them in the backseat of this guy's car.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Well, what's his name?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know him?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, No, he's helping us.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is what you call a good Samaritan.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: So your kids are questioning you.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they were totally questioning me.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: We hop in, he drove us to get some gas.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is the one thing I do want to say.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: In times of crisis in my life, and I can pick three, just came to me three different times of crisis.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Who comes to help me?
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: A black person.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: A black person comes in to help me, and I that it it is almost like angels on earth.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: I one time had this attack dog when I was kind of promiscuous, and one of the guys I was seeing thought I needed an attack dog because another guy had locked me in his space.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that was not good.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: So he got me a and I love dogs, he got me this really pretty uh Dome Roman pincher named Connie.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: She was beautiful.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: But then she wasn't very attackish, she was very sweet, but then he said I'm get getting her trained.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now he took her to this place to get trained for six weeks or four weeks or whatever it was.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: She came back insane.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: She was insane.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime the doorbell rang or someone knocked on the door, she would just run around in circles, slipping practically on the hardwood floor, barking and peeing.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: She was out to get people.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she, I'm like about maybe 89 pounds at this time, and she's like 80.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no way I'm holding her when she goes.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm trying to get her in my car to take her to the park to go walk her around because she needs exercise.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a little boy across the street from us, uh, from me and Connie, and he's got a surf, a little uh skateboard in his arm, and Connie sees that and pulls away from me at high speed to go attack that little boy.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I went to her graduation at a tax school.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: They clamp on and don't let go till you're out.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: So he was about to be killed.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: And who comes along?
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Another amazing black guy in uh uh Lincoln Continental, just going down the street, smacks that dog, takes it out, and he's so sad.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: He'd be just like, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, You've saved a life.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, no, are you kidding me?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: That that kid is alive because of you.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: He drove me to take the dog to the vets, but the dog died before we got there, so he dropped me off, and he was still apologizing.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, there's nothing to apologize for, sir.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're an angel.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: So uh anyway, and I'll tell another time when a black person saved my life next episode.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm texting with uh Wayne right now.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna give him a call for first calling guest.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, Wayne.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: I've never dated a Wayne.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: If you want to put your headphones in, I'll give them I'll give them my phone.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to put my headphones on because they make my hair look bad, but I'll put them like this.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: What do you do for the people?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: For myself.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too vain to wear headphones.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: Hello?
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Wayne.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, are you Wayne?
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, how are you?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for um being part of our very first episode.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, that's so cool.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, the name of the show is Molested AF, and um that's is that's about me, not uh not about others, but that's about me.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just trying to try my hand at helping um someone kind of off the cuff because Alex thinks that I can do that.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: And can is there something you would like to talk to me about today that maybe I could assist you with?
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh okay.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yay, okay.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: What what's happening or what happened?
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh so um when I when I met you, I I saw you and uh you you uh had a line, you said um it's their secret, not mine, and that was just really powerful to me.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_01: But uh I was curious you you use your uh your pain for um like you you write you write with it and uh use it for your strength.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just curious if you could talk just about like how you go about that because I also um the entertainment business and I just I uh my my situation is I I find it so difficult to talk about.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I appreciate that, and um you know, Wayne, it's kind of like anything, the more you do something, the easier it gets from playing the piano to smoking cigarettes or smoking crack.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, you know, it's a matter I say that it's their secret, not mine, because I talk about my dad, uh, you know, and all the uh things that happened when I was a kid at home.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I say this if that line stuck with you, it's the fact that in any situation where something really bad is happening, you are um you are feeling at effect, right?
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're feeling like, oh my god, there what can I?
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: You feel hopeless, you feel out of fact, you feel like I'm the victim of this.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, you are.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: But what I've found is if you just remind yourself, I'm going to be cause over this.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying, I'm attempting to be cause over this by writing, by using what happened to me as a catalyst for a joke or for a script or for a parallel, a parable, anything like that.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: You are now using that situation as something to entertain or inform others with.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: And just by trying to do it, it makes you positive over it.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Mark Twain, who's I think my age, Mark Twain once said uh something like this.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't have it exactly, but he said, you know, there's no um nothing bad happens to a writer, it's all fodder for the mill, which means it's all shit you can use.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what fodder means.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Grist for the mill, I think he said.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, whatever he said, he meant that even your worst uh thing can be used, is now yours.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it is not, and we're guilted into keeping the secret.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever abuse happened to you, you're guilted into keeping their secret.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, people say like if you act afraid, you can become afraid.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever heard of that?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you yeah, like uh go on, I'm sorry, I cut you off.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: No, I was just I was just yeah, yeah, continue.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you act afraid, you can become afraid.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm walking around outside at night and checking over my shoulder and going, oh, what's that shadow?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: Blah blah, I can make myself more afraid than I normally would be.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um by doing by writing this by by keeping someone secret, when someone makes you complicit in their secret, they're making you feel guilty.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't talk about things because you're embarrassed and you feel guilty and you feel like people will judge you.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why people don't talk about things, right?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't I talk about things that I feel comfortable with, I talk about things that I'm proud of.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just by talking about it, just by sitting down trying to write with it, you change it over into the category of I feel less guilty about this.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like uh when someone can make themselves afraid.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can make yourself feel guilty by keeping a secret.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Secrets need to be aired out in AA, which I'm not part of, but I'm a big fan of, for all the people who are in AA, they say they have some cute sayings, and one of their sayings that I think is super cute and super, super truthful is you're as sick as your secrets.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if I was shooting up heroin, that would be my secret, and that'd be something I'm doing to myself.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: But if I am keeping a secret because I was forced to do something that I didn't want to do and then kind of hushed up about it, don't fucking tell anybody, that is not that is a secret that I'm being forced to tell.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: And by just can contemplating airing it out, just contemplating making it known and not and and separating it out of the secret category is a step towards wellness, is a step towards empowerment for you.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: All the worst things that have ever happened to me have turned out to be things that are my like my uh superpower because I can talk about incest, and no not very many other comics can, and or nor would they want to.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can talk about a lot of bad things, but I'm taking them and I'm shining them up and I'm repurposing them for my jokes, for my act, and to reach out and help other people that have been also forced to keep secrets that were not theirs and therefore feel guilty when they were not and should not be.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think about that?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: What tell me what you think about what I just said.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, um Wayne, pal, what is your name?
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: Herb?
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Wayne, Wayne, sorry.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with um uh yeah.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think about that?
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean I think it's I think it's remarkable.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I I was following you the whole time.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean I love Mark Twain.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I just think that you're remarkable.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for this.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Wayne, you're such a sweetheart.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want to give you a hug.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to say what would you like to do with your secret?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: What would your goal be to do what with it?
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I mean, I never really intended on trying to be a person that, you know, was uh person that like helps people with my problems, etc.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: But like it kind of seems like that is been uh what I've been led to do with some of my some of the things that have happened to me.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that um I'm also you know like writing with it for uh scripts for um like web series or television as well as you know things of comedy, etc.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, I would just I would just like able to I I I guess try to I try to start helping people with similar issues as mine.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just uh I don't know.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: I have I guess I had to be okay with voicing it.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know what, Wayne, you are voicing it just now, maybe not as directly as you will be, but but it's not in the you know where like at night when you were a little kid and you look at the closet and you see like a a snake hanging there, and then you're like, oh my god, what is that?
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then you go turn the lights on, or you get your parents, and then you look at it and go, Oh, that's not a snake, that's my sweater.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like that.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: The more light you throw on it, the more you will uh be positive over it, and it'll just be an experience that you have had that you can use and it separates you from other people.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, they do say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it definitely makes you funnier, that's for sure.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it does make you it does allow you to be in the category of people that help if you choose to be in that category.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I can kind of tell from your vibe that you do choose to be in that category, and thank you so much for calling.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe um next time we run into each other, you will introduce yourself and I can get to know you.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, thank you so much for everything.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're you're you're true.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm so thankful to have you in my life.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Wayne.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for calling, and I hope we see each other and get to shake hands in real real life.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, have a great rest of your day.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're welcome.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love him.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: I get him take care.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: What a sweetheart.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's um it's cool.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: Again, like he's just an example of why I thought to push you to try to do a podcast like this because there's so many people who appreciate you, you've already helped.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like there's a lot of comics with fake advice podcasts that they don't care, they just need content or whatever.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: But you generally help people.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: On Molested AF, you can get advice about a relationship, you can get advice about how to ditch your husband or your boyfriend, you can get advice about how to draw boundaries with your mom or dad or even your kids.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you really gotta do that.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you could get advice about your career.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: I have had a long-ass career.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: I just called it molested AF so people would know that I have a dark sense of humor, and that you can make light of almost everything.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: You could you could have a point of view that you're grateful for your life, and that with the energy and uh yeah, with the energy you have left, you can kind of maybe shine a light on those things for other people.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, listen, I think that's a great, great first episode.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: Is it done?