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Nate Jackson_s Super Funny Comedy Jam Episode 4 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What up, world?
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: This is the Super Funny Comedy Jam. I'm your host,
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Nate Jackson, and it's going down live in Tacoma, Washington.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Let me introduce you to this episode's comedians right there.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, sir. It's Reggie Jr. representing Memphis, Tennessee, man.
• 0:17
  Speaker 4: What up, y'all?
• 0:17
  Speaker 5: This is Courtney Haynes representing Oklahoma.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: What up, though?
• 0:23
  Speaker 6: It's comedian CP from Detroit.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Let's do this shit.
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: Jackson super funny coming What up, y'all?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: What up, what up, what up.
• 0:47
  Speaker 5: What up?
• 0:48
  Speaker 6: Hell yeah.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is Super Funny Comedy Jam. We are live
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: in Tacoma, Washington, and it's going down.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: something historic here.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: We're bringing the comics of today, tomorrow, and the stars
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: that are going to take over the world one episode
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: at a time.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: So here we are. We back at it again.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: And we got to talk to some people. That wouldn't
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: be me if I didn't talk to some people. So
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: let's start here with the older white gentleman. Sir, I
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: don't know if we handed a flyer out at the airport.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Who told you about this show?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Well, that's racist.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: That's what's up. He's like, I didn't get a name.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck. She's the Korean lady.
• 1:31
  Speaker 6: Surah.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: She's hilarious. Yeah, she's fantastic. And who is this, your son?
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: You just met him? Well, he looks like your dad,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: so get to know him. Yeah, this is a new
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: version of 2-5-3 and Me, where you might be next
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: to your daddy.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: That's a fact. And these are friends. You guys look
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: adorable right here. You guys are like little librarians.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: You collect butterflies and stick them with little needles in
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: a book.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: That's your mom? Damn, your mama kind of fine, though.
• 2:01
  Speaker 6: Like, if you look at her, look at.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: I see you, mama. Got your eyebrows done and shit.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Go ahead.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: It's time for you to go to bed. Me and
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: your mama about to head out. Y'all ready to start
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: the show? Start making some noise right now.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Right now.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: More noise than that, more noise than that, more noise
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: than that, more noise than that. All the way from Memphis, Tennessee.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Y'all give it up for Reggie Jr. What's up with y'all, Tacoma?
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Shit, man, I'm a 80s baby. Where all the 80s
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: babies at? Yeah. I can already scan the room and
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: tell y'all the motherfuckers, they look sleepy as hell right now.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Didn't nobody tell the 80s babies we was gonna be
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: the tired motherfuckers one day. Y'all heard of the term YNs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look,
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: shout out to one black person clapping.
• 2:56
  Speaker 6: YN.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: The white people want to clap, but they're going to
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: give themselves away. And I'm telling you right now, I'm
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: not a YN no more. I'm 45 years old. I'm
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: an O-N. I'm an O-N-Y-N. That means I'm an O-N.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: I'm an old nigga that's holding on to a young
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: nigga that ain't there no more. Look at this outfit.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: This outfit will let you know right now. I'm supposed
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: to be wearing some Dockers and a button-down in this bitch. Instead,
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: I got on my son's shoes. These are my son's
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: shoes in this hoe. I'm making it happen the way
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: I'm making it happen because that's what you gotta do
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: when you an 80s baby. You gotta figure it out.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: But the thing about being an 80s baby is sometimes
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: you get real nostalgic. I don't know if it's the algorithm.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Are y'all familiar with the algorithm? The algorithm, they start
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: giving you all the, do you remember the 80s? Do
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: you remember the 90s? And I do, I remember that shit, man.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: I remember it vividly. As a matter of fact, I
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: remember the first time I graduated from young to old.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I remember when I graduated. It was when I found
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: out that vagina juice burned your eyes. Ain't no going
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: back to being a young nigga no more, sir. You
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: are officially a O-N-Y-N. But I really remember, like I said,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: that nostalgia kicks in, right? And I start thinking about
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: my first love. Everybody remember they first love? Like the
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: first time y'all, you know what I'm saying? That first one,
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: you can make some noise for your first one. Some
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: of y'all want to forget. I can tell you, my
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: nigga right here want to forget. You got your one
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: right here. But I remember my first one. She was bad, y'all.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Because I was saving myself. I wanted to be a
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: good guy. So I waited and waited. And I found
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: the perfect one. And she was bad. I mean, fine.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: Like Halle Berry fine in this motherfucker. And I always
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: look around the crowd and see who did it with
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: you this time. You right here. Hopefully we get a
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: shot of you with the titties out. You right here.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: I see you right there. She looked at me. She said,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: how the fuck you pull a bitch that look like
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Halle Berry? First of all, fuck you, it's my joke.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: And she looked like Halle Berry. Halle Berry from the
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: movie Losing Isaiah. I don't know if anybody's ever seen
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: the movie. See, the black folks, see all the black
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: people at home, all the black people at home that's watching,
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: they tripping right now. Because they know Halle Berry was
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: a crackhead in the movie Losing Isaiah. But guess what?
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Crackhead Halle Berry is still... That's what I'm talking about.
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: And we dated, but everybody can't be perfect. Everybody got flaws.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: And Hallie, you know what I'm saying, she had some flaws.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: She smoked cigarettes, you know what I'm saying? I'm not
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: here to judge nobody. I guess she was a daddy's girl.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: So she, and I don't mean like she was smoking
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: the designer cigarettes, like Cruella de Vil and shit, and 101.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: She was smoking like, I think my friends call them
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: cowboy killers. I ain't even going to say the name
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: right now. Look at her. White girl saying, whoo! I
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: ain't gonna say it, I want the video to not
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: get fucked with, but y'all know what they are. So
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: all this shit, face card was on point, but this
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: shit right here? What's this, her larynx? Her larynx? Esophagus?
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: I don't fucking know. All this shit was fucked up.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: So in person it was fine, but on the phone?
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: Totally different story. I hit her up, because I'm young,
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: full of cum, I'm ready to go get this on. Ring, ring, ring.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: She don't answer because she trying to be sexy. She
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: breathing in the phone. I said, baby, I called you.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: I know it's you. Why don't you, you know what
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, maybe we can get together, do a little something,
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: get something going. I'm going to come by there. This
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: is all I hear on the other end. Well, I
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: just got out of the shower and I was thinking
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: about you too, yeah.
• 6:45
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I got on those Victoria's Secret panties that you like, yeah.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: And I was hoping that possibly you'd come by here
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: and beat this pussy up.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Some of y'all had already got it. She looked like Hallie,
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: but she sounded like Randy. Macho man, Randy Savage, wrestling legend.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: Fuck me up. But if you think that stopped me
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: from going to get some pussy, you are wrong. I
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: went by there, and I'm telling you right now, it
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: was good, I'm tearing it up. Pop, pop, I'm tearing
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: it up. Pop, pop, the only thing that was throwing
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: it off, every time I was popping in that pussy,
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: all I kept hearing was this. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: That's it. I didn't know you were a popper. Hey,
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: my name Reggie Jr., y'all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I ripped them. Oh, yeah.
• 7:50
  Speaker 6: Hey, one more time for Reggie Jr.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: y'all.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Hey, she was your age, but she sounded old. I
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: like when they are old and sound old. Old women
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: smash different. Young women, they be like, just do whatever
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: you think feels good to me. Old women be like,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: put my goddamn legs down. I don't know who told
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: you I want my leg that way. You need to
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: put my leg down. I can't get there if I'm uncomfortable.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Grab me by both my knees and push them straight
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: back into my chest until you hear them click.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: You be like, click?
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: What you mean click? It's gonna click, then I want
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: you to turn up. You be doing your best work.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: She's like, you got it, young man. You on fire,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: young man. There you go, stand up in it. Stand
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: up in it? What do you mean stand up in it?
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I mean march all through it.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: How old are you?
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I touched Dr. King with that same pussy. Enjoy yourself.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Y'all ready for the next comedian? Start making some noise
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: right now. Next comedian coming to the stage is representing
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Oklahoma City.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: Funny than a motherfucker. Y'all give it up for Kourtney Hayes.
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: Hey, single people, we got a social responsibility, okay? We
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: can't be letting ourselves go when we get into relationships, okay?
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: The next one, we gotta keep that shit tight.
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: She said, period, T, yo.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Snatch, snatch.
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: I made the mistake of trying to eat my way
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: into happiness in my last relationship. There wasn't enough rum
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: cakes in the goddamn world to make a.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Bitch be happy, okay?
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: I'm an emotional eater, man, I love sweets. But your homegirls,
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: think about your homegirls, they will hype you up about anything, right?
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: I gained 30 pounds.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: And they was like, okay, bitch, I see you with
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: the happy weight, yeah! I said, no, bitch, I'm depressed.
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: It is not normal to do a U-turn across four
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: lanes of traffic to go to Krispy Kreme just because.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: The red light is on.
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: Like, that's a cry for help.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: It's a hell of a bitch.
• 10:15
  Speaker 5: I'm normally fit, I love sweets, but I lost the
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: weight and the dude, yay.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Lost the weight, and I love sweets.
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: I'm an emotional eater. Like I said, I'm very passionate
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: about food, yeah. But diabetes runs in my family on
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: both sides. That's right, double-beaties. And I would be okay
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: with the disease, too, because I don't mind needles, but
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: I got to have all my toes. Like, I need
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: all my toes, because if a bitch need to sell
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: feet pics, okay, like, even though I know a couple
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: freaking niggas that will still take a pinky toe, dead
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: or alive... I gotta say 10 toes down.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: You know what the fuck I'm talking about?
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: Gotta say 10 toes down. So I gotta be selective
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: about my sweets that I eat. I gotta be real selective.
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: So I'm a woman of principle. So I only fuck
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: with desserts that have true identity, right? They know who
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: they are, right? Sweet potato pie. That's big mama fat
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: arm in the kitchen, period.
• 11:09
  Speaker 6: Whippin' it up.
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: That is our ancestors.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Good eatin', right?
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: Churros.
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: That's somebody's teal, you know?
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Long shaft.
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: With the caramel dripping down it, the brown goodness in
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: my mouth paws. Tender goodness right there. And croissants, any
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: type of French pastry, I just, ooh, I love it.
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: I call them Rudy Wimby's. There's one dessert I don't
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: fuck with off principle, and that's red velvet cake. Yeah,
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: fuck red velvet cake. I said it, because red velvet
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: cake don't know who it is.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: It has no idea who it is. Let me ask
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: y'all a question.
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: What does red velvet cake taste like?
• 11:52
  Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: And what color is it? Exactly. So it want to
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: taste like a nigga.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: But it don't want to be one at the end
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: of the day.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: You feel me?
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: Like, red velvet cake is really Drake when you think
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: about it. Red velvet cake is the Drake of desserts, okay?
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: Just tasty, yet conflicted, you know? I cussed out literally
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: a whole row of red velvet cake at a bakery
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: by myself the other day.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I was like, you old bitch ass, fake ass.
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: Blaming on the rain, Milli Vanilli ass cake.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Then that's when I lost it.
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: Security had to carry me out.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, Take Care was a great album.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: I'm banned from like 15 nothing but cakes. A bitch
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: ain't nothing but banned, okay? Have to get my point across.
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: Because the flavor, the flavor's all in the chocolate. You
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: want to act like it's not in there.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: The flavor's all in the chocolate, for real.
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And I would hope that chocolate cake would stake
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: its claim like it's supposed to one day, okay? I
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: need chocolate cake to come at Red Velvet with the
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: energy of Kendrick. I wanted to look at Red Velvet
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: cake and say, say cake.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I heard you like them young. You ain't a cake,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: you a colonizer.
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: But you know chocolate can't really do that, cause you
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: know red velvet with Sue. So, pros and cons. I
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: don't even like German chocolate cake like that. Like I
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: barely like German chocolate cake. Cause how the fuck you
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: just gonna add coconut to chocolate cake.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: And call it German?
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: That don't, that's the most cultural appropriating ass shit. That's
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: the most colonizing cake I've ever seen. And I love
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: Boris Kojo, but damn, you feel me? I know a
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: lot of people, I've offended some people that love red
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: velvet cake.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, whoa.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: They're like, well, no, the cake's not all racist.
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: It's not all appropriation, because there's vanilla icing on it,
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: and that's why, when's the last.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Time you looked at a vanilla bean?
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: That shit is browner than Burna Boy, okay?
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: That shit is Burna.
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: Boy brown, because 70% of the world's vanilla comes from Madagascar.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: That's right, vanilla is African.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: Yes!
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: And if Vanilla Icing could talk, if Vanilla Icing could talk,
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: it would say, I have.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: No idea how I got here.
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: I am just inside of this white woman.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: And now I am asking for the manager. Okay.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: My homegirls be wiling on me like, Courtney, you're just
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: overthinking everything. I said, no, bitch, you not thinking enough.
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: Stop trying to represent. I need you to help me circumvent.
• 14:41
  Speaker 8: Yes.
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: These colonizing ass cakes. Because I like to stand 10
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: toes motherfucking down. All right you guys, that's my time.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: My name is Courtney Haynes.
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Courtney Haynes. She's so goddamn fine. I was looking at
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: her tearing up. I was like, I'm about to be
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: an emotional eater. Look at all the men. Women are like,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: what does he mean? Is he emotional?
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: Does he choose a delicacy?
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: He says, say cake. I heard you like them young.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Goddamn genius sitting over there. Y'all start clapping right now, man.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: We're going to the last comment. Y'all start making some
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: noise right now. Listen, representing Detroit, Michigan, y'all start making
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: more noise than that, more noise than that, more noise
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: than that, more noise than that.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: More noise than that. Y'all give it up for CP!
• 15:41
  Speaker 6: Hey man, give it up for Nate one time, man.
• 15:51
  Speaker 7: I'ma tell you, man, y'all don't know what it's like
• 15:52
  Speaker 7: to have your dreams come true. We are inside his dream.
• 15:55
  Speaker 6: You know how crazy that is?
• 15:57
  Speaker 7: Right?
• 15:57
  Speaker 6: All right, chill out. But you know what I'm saying?
• 15:59
  Speaker 7: Like, we're inside his dream. I made my dream come true.
• 16:02
  Speaker 7: I come from Detroit, right? I used to call ramen
• 16:05
  Speaker 7: noodles Raymond noodles. To the point where I'd meet a
• 16:09
  Speaker 7: nigga named Raymond and be like, oh.
• 16:10
  Speaker 6: Okay, like the noodle? Like the noodle. Raymond like the noodle.
• 16:15
  Speaker 7: The day somebody told me it was ramen, I felt
• 16:17
  Speaker 7: so bad, like, oh my God, how many.
• 16:19
  Speaker 6: Years was I saying Raymond? By the time I started
• 16:22
  Speaker 6: calling them Raymond, they had some new shit out.
• 16:25
  Speaker 7: It's this new Asian soup called P-H-O.
• 16:31
  Speaker 6: Pho.
• 16:33
  Speaker 7: Because that's how letters work. Listen, dog, listen.
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: You don't come to our country and use our letters
• 16:37
  Speaker 6: to make a word.
• 16:38
  Speaker 7: And tell us what the fuck it say.
• 16:40
  Speaker 6: P-H-O is pho.
• 16:41
  Speaker 7: You want to make your own word, use them goddamn
• 16:43
  Speaker 7: tattoo letters y'all be using. That damn dragon scribble, you
• 16:47
  Speaker 7: know what I'm saying? Apparently it's pho. Well, damn it,
• 16:53
  Speaker 7: they need a commercial, because I didn't know that. I'm
• 16:56
  Speaker 7: mad at my business. Walking through the mall one day,
• 16:58
  Speaker 7: I go through the food court. Sexy-ass little Asian chick
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: with the samples.
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: Come up to me, talk about something. You want pho?
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: What?
• 17:15
  Speaker 6: You want pho?
• 17:18
  Speaker 7: I said, shit, a little bit. She said, you like pho?
• 17:26
  Speaker 7: I said, bitch, I love the pho. She said, oh, well,
• 17:30
  Speaker 7: you'll like it. It's hot and fresh and juicy. I said,
• 17:33
  Speaker 7: wait a minute, bitch, don't give me three adjectives in
• 17:35
  Speaker 7: a row.
• 17:37
  Speaker 6: I ain't gonna hold you up.
• 17:38
  Speaker 7: I hear hot and juicy all the time, but fresh?
• 17:43
  Speaker 7: That's a strong selling point. A freshness guarantee on that ass?
• 17:46
  Speaker 7: I ain't had no fresh wild card pussy in a minute.
• 17:55
  Speaker 7: You got me intrigued, but you came up to me.
• 17:58
  Speaker 7: I didn't come up to you, you came up to me.
• 18:02
  Speaker 6: So how much? She gonna look at me and say,
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: oh no, free, sample fuck. I said, um.
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: Um.
• 18:12
  Speaker 7: I fuck with that, a little sample fuck. If I
• 18:15
  Speaker 7: fuck with it, I fuck with it. If I don't,
• 18:17
  Speaker 7: no strings attached. I like your marketing strategy, bitch. I
• 18:24
  Speaker 7: like how much you believe in your product. Sold.
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: I will have one sample fuck.
• 18:32
  Speaker 7: So when you try to go to the bathroom, you
• 18:34
  Speaker 7: want to go to the whip, she gonna say, I
• 18:36
  Speaker 7: get for you right here. I said, you dirty bitch.
• 18:43
  Speaker 7: How did you know? I've been waiting on some porno
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: shit to happen to me my whole life. She turn
• 18:51
  Speaker 7: around to get the suit. She turn back around, I'm
• 18:53
  Speaker 7: butt ass naked. This bitch start screaming, yeah!
• 19:01
  Speaker 6: I'm like, what the fuck? Here comes security. I'm like,
• 19:04
  Speaker 6: thank God, security.
• 19:05
  Speaker 7: Somebody with some goddamn sense. This bitch over here begging
• 19:08
  Speaker 7: for the dick. He would have fucked. I got a
• 19:11
  Speaker 7: fresh sample fuck for you.
• 19:13
  Speaker 6: I'm like, what the fuck?
• 19:14
  Speaker 7: I'm like, fine, fine, fine. Why you writing my name down?
• 19:24
  Speaker 7: So now I'm banned from the mall. For one dick
• 19:29
  Speaker 7: out misunderstanding.
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: I'm like, y'all ain't got.
• 19:32
  Speaker 7: No programs for a nigga on this first offense I'm banned?
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: God damn.
• 19:41
  Speaker 7: I'ma tell you, making your dreams come true also mean
• 19:44
  Speaker 7: living around different people, right? I live around white folks now, okay?
• 19:47
  Speaker 7: I'm not bragging, but, you know, my shit cold. Look,
• 19:49
  Speaker 7: I ain't gonna lie to you.
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: But I'm learning about white people. Little shit I learned.
• 19:52
  Speaker 7: First of all, I know that white dudes like to
• 19:54
  Speaker 7: go in their garage and talk shit about their wife.
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: He be like, CP, come out here and close that door.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Fuck!
• 20:01
  Speaker 7: You see that shit, man? She's fucking out of control.
• 20:04
  Speaker 7: You heard that. I be like, Connor, don't you kill
• 20:07
  Speaker 7: that bitch tonight. I know how y'all niggas get down.
• 20:10
  Speaker 7: You better not kill that bitch tonight. I ain't no
• 20:14
  Speaker 7: character witness. Something else I learned about white folks, fuck
• 20:19
  Speaker 7: me up and woke me up out of my sleep.
• 20:21
  Speaker 7: White people, I see y'all in here, you just take it,
• 20:23
  Speaker 7: God damn it.
• 20:24
  Speaker 6: Listen to this. Ready for this?
• 20:26
  Speaker 7: Did y'all know that white folks think that animals is
• 20:28
  Speaker 7: white too? You ever see an older white woman see
• 20:33
  Speaker 7: an animal and start asking it questions?
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: Oh my God, are you scared?
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: Are you hungry?
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: Where's your mom? Where's your mom? It'd be like, I'm
• 20:44
  Speaker 6: a raccoon, bitch. I don't know where my mama at. Oh,
• 20:48
  Speaker 6: I see my mama in a minute, bitch.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Oh my God.
• 20:52
  Speaker 6: She look just like me. If you see my mama.
• 20:56
  Speaker 7: You ever see a white dude see a snake in
• 20:57
  Speaker 7: the wild and automatically they got their own little Nat
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: Geo show?
• 21:02
  Speaker 6: Whoa, come here. Now these guys.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 21:08
  Speaker 6: He is snapping at me, whoa. Now, these guys are venomous.
• 21:13
  Speaker 7: One bite could kill 46 grown men. Come on guys,
• 21:16
  Speaker 7: gather around, gather around. Whoa, now, whoo, he shouldn't be
• 21:21
  Speaker 7: over here. I don't know if it's the climate. or
• 21:25
  Speaker 7: the sea level, but what I want to do is
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: help him out. I want to get him, get his tail,
• 21:31
  Speaker 7: get his neck, got him. Ooh, he's mad at me.
• 21:36
  Speaker 7: What I want to do is put him over here
• 21:37
  Speaker 7: in these trees.
• 21:39
  Speaker 6: It's his habitat. He's more comfortable over here and he's
• 21:41
  Speaker 6: more safe. Bah, there he goes.
• 21:45
  Speaker 7: Woo.
• 21:46
  Speaker 6: He's already taken off. Woo, my hands are still shaking.
• 21:52
  Speaker 6: And that's life, you know? Now, hold on.
• 21:59
  Speaker 7: Now, if they don't think that goddamn snake is white,
• 22:02
  Speaker 7: then how come they don't treat niggas like that when
• 22:04
  Speaker 7: niggas be lost in their neighborhood?
• 22:07
  Speaker 6: It should be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 22:11
  Speaker 7: Now this guy, he's from Detroit. He could kill 46
• 22:14
  Speaker 7: grown men.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: He is swinging on me. You're all right, pal. You're
• 22:22
  Speaker 6: all right, pal.
• 22:23
  Speaker 7: Now, I'm gonna go in for a little dap. The
• 22:28
  Speaker 7: dap calms him down.
• 22:32
  Speaker 8: Whoo!
• 22:32
  Speaker 6: Now, he shouldn't be over here. I don't know if
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: it's the.
• 22:36
  Speaker 7: White bitches in the neighborhood. But what I wanna do
• 22:43
  Speaker 7: is I wanna help him out.
• 22:44
  Speaker 6: You're okay, pal.
• 22:45
  Speaker 7: Just wanna get him up and put him right over
• 22:48
  Speaker 7: here in this Popeye's parking lot.
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: He's already ordering. My hands are still shaking. And that's life,
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: you know? Thank y'all.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Thank y'all.
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: I'm going to tell you this.
• 23:11
  Speaker 7: It's a goddamn shame fast food ain't even fucking fooding
• 23:14
  Speaker 7: like it used to be when we was kids.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: Remember a Happy Meal came with a fucking toy that
• 23:19
  Speaker 6: you wanted?
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: I got my daughter a Happy Meal the other day,
• 23:22
  Speaker 7: that bitch came.
• 23:22
  Speaker 6: With a box of paperclips.
• 23:23
  Speaker 7: What the fuck you gonna do with a box of paperclips?
• 23:27
  Speaker 7: Trying to get fast food from a single mother was
• 23:29
  Speaker 7: a science.
• 23:31
  Speaker 6: See, check it out. My mom always had a new job.
• 23:33
  Speaker 7: She always got fired from her job because she was
• 23:35
  Speaker 7: always the serious one at work. My mom would get
• 23:37
  Speaker 7: a job and work that job as hard as she
• 23:40
  Speaker 7: could and then make all her coworkers mad because she
• 23:42
  Speaker 7: overworking everybody, right?
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: And so I knew that. So she come get me
• 23:45
  Speaker 6: from school. I ain't finna ask for no fast food.
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: I know her, right? I get in the car. Hey, mom,
• 23:52
  Speaker 6: what's going on? You look troubled. Are you okay? Talk
• 23:57
  Speaker 6: to me. Make this left.
• 24:00
  Speaker 7: Uh-huh.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: What?
• 24:01
  Speaker 6: They said that to you?
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 24:03
  Speaker 6: Do you think they jealous? Turn right here.
• 24:05
  Speaker 7: That's crazy. That is insane. Now, I'ma ask you a question.
• 24:10
  Speaker 7: Turn to this McDonald's real quick. I'ma ask you a question.
• 24:14
  Speaker 7: Do you think it's jealousy?
• 24:16
  Speaker 6: Okay? Hold on to that thought.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: How you doing?
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: Can I get a 10-piece McNugget meal?
• 24:21
  Speaker 7: Large fry?
• 24:21
  Speaker 6: Large orange lava burst?
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: You want some?
• 24:23
  Speaker 6: It's on you. You good?
• 24:24
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: Hey, y'all, that's my time, man.
• 24:27
  Speaker 7: I'm CP.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: CP is in.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: This bitch, y'all make some noise for CP!
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Clap it up for my comedians, y'all.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: We gonna do something different on this episode as we
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: close out. We gonna bring some fans onto the stage
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: that had a good time.
• 24:53
  Speaker 9: Did you have a good time? Did you have a
• 24:55
  Speaker 9: good time? Did you have a good time? Oh, you
• 24:57
  Speaker 9: got it, come here, come here, Asian girl. Come here,
• 25:00
  Speaker 9: you too, sir, come here. Yeah, y'all keep clapping for them,
• 25:03
  Speaker 9: they had fun. She don't understand none of this. That's
• 25:08
  Speaker 9: the girl from the mall that offered him the pho. Hey,
• 25:13
  Speaker 9: did you enjoy yourself?
• 25:15
  Speaker 8: Huh?
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Did you have fun?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: You did?
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: Did you have fun? Lovely. Here, take this microphone.
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: People always ask.
• 25:53
  Speaker 8: If I could see a future with us, be a
• 25:56
  Speaker 8: long distance. And I told them immediately, jetpacks. So here
• 26:03
  Speaker 8: I am now, still no jetpacks, but I can't see
• 26:08
  Speaker 8: a future without you.
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: So Miranda, weeping to sigh.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: Will you be mine? Yeah! Everybody's kissing! We'll see y'all
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: next week.
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: Peace!