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From Law To Lipstick · Divas That Care Network

• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I just have to discuss the magazine or turn on a television to see that as women, we are bombarded daily with media images of female physical perfection setting up the most unrealistic of expectations as to how we should look.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: No wonder female body confidence is falling while incidence of eating disorders are on the rise.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: What's most alarming is the way this affects young girls.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: A reduced sense of self-worth can create anxiety, stress, even depression, causing relationship issues while potentially impairing academic and job performance.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: In direct contrast, confidence in Bloom is designed to reinforce the truth and reassure every woman who has ever felt inadequate, unworthy, or tossed aside because of how she looks, that no matter her age, shape, or background, you matter.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: You are enough now.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: Today, Anne is my guest.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Anne is a certified professional performance coach, a certified designing your life coach and speaker with a mission of inspiring women to wake up to what truly matters so that they can redesign their lives for meaningful success.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: After a 15-year legal career, she reinvented herself as an award-winning sales director with Mary Kay Cosmetics, where she trained and mentored hundreds of women to build successful businesses.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: A second reinvention in 2010 led her to become a certified coach, helping women develop the clarity, confidence, and resilience to create lives that reflect their deepest priorities and aspirations.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Anne lives in Half Moon Bay, California, where she and her husband enjoy exploring the California coast and visiting their son and his family in San Francisco.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome, Anne.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Tina.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's so great to be here.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for joining us.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so looking forward to hearing what you have to share with us.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: So let's start with how did you like how did that feel for you to transform your life from being a lawyer to selling lipstick for Mary Kay?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the um transition from law to lipstick.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, uh it happened when I kind of had a um a punch in the stomach one Halloween night.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I had come home to take my son trick-or-treating, and at the time I was working in a big Pittsburgh law firm 60 hours a week, was rarely home for dinner, um, worked most Saturdays.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: So tonight I was home early, 6 p.m., um, to take the little guy trick-or-treating.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so I ran in the door, and there he is in his policeman costume, and I said, Honey, are you ready to go trick-or-treating with me?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And he looked at me and he said, Well, I don't want to go with you.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I want to go with Mary Grace.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Now, Mary Grace was his live-in nanny, and she was really an awesome, awesome nanny.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, she was almost a mom to him.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I had kind of outsourced my parenting to her.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: She had bought the costume and the Halloween candy, and um I really felt in that moment that something had to change.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that began a period of self-assessment, figuring out what really matters, what's really important.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was 38 years old at the time.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, that's often the age when, you know, we women start, you know, looking at our lives.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, gosh, I mean, is is this whole career success thing with the second home and the luxury cars really making me happy?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: What yeah, what would make me happy?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I redefined success and got very clear about what was important.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And what was very clear about what was important was my faith, my family, my health, and career was maybe a distant, maybe third or fourth, as opposed to living the life I had previously lived where career was number one.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: So that started an exploration, which led me to look at part-time legal work, which didn't exist at the time, and then my consultant said something about Mary Kay being a great company for women.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: I looked into it and decided to take the leap.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was impressed with the company culture, which really lifts women, empowers women, the flexibility, and also the financial possibilities.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: So that's basically how I went from law to lipstick.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so obviously, that was a completely different type of job.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you're now working at home and you're I mean, you're really going out to look for your clients, right?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: So you had to learn a lot about yourself and what women really needed from you.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: So that's I I know I don't know a lot about Mary Kay, but I know that they are empowering four women.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: But it's all that MLM work, I think, is you have to know a lot about yourself, right?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: What your direction is and where it's going to take you.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: You are so right, because it's very easy, even you know, the most accomplished person to get kind of uh shocked at the first their first they're putting themselves out there.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um I never had to put myself out there to get a client at the law firm.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: They came to me.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, my time was worth a lot of money per hour.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And here now suddenly people would say, No, I'm not really interested in a makeover.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking, do you I wanted to say, Do you know how much my time is worth?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: But of course I didn't.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a humbling.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's a realization that you know what?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know everything.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot I need to learn about myself and and and about customer service and how to treat people.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I always like to say that.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Mary Kay was kind of a PhD in emotional intelligence for me because I have been so busy working on IQ, I really didn't work as much on the EQ skills.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: So um it was it was really a tremendous, tremendous growth experience.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: I believe it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so how long did you spend um in the Mary Kay field, or do you still sell Mary Kay?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: I actually am no longer I I mean I'm a I'm a consultant for personal use.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I um le stepped down from my directorship position, oh my gosh, a number of years ago, um, after I had started my coaching business before actually, it was probably 2012 when I really um started my daring reinventors business.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: So no, I'm not really involved in anymore.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: I still have many friends.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I um you know what?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's I always feel Mary Kay is a wonderful for some women it's a co it's a lifetime career.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: For others, it's what I call a threshold career.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: It will, you know, get her out there.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: She will learn, as you said, a lot about herself.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: She'll develop her confidence even more, and then she's ready to explore more new things.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: And when my son went off to college, I kind of was ready then to, and that was 2001, to start going in.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to go into um uh either executive coaching or training and development, because they were the aspects of Mary Kay that I really enjoyed.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, I was so darn comfortable, Tina.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was making, you know, close to six figures.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: I have the Pink Cadillac, I had a great unit.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I loved I loved people.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I but I did feel that little tug to be doing something more.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: And a couple of years later, it was the relocation to California that where I really thought, wow, you know what, this is the great time for for a reinvention.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I got my coaching certification um uh as a certified performance coach and um then you know started the started the business.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that was back in 2010, I would say.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's yeah, so you're you've gone through many changes, right?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, from after you know, like looking after yourself to motherhood to, you know, being a a big time lawyer, right?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then to a saleswoman.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Now you're coaching.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: And you're coaching, are you coaching women of all ages?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm assuming it's women.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: I guess it may not be women.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I've always loved working with women.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's been a recurring theme through my life, from being a Girl Scout leader in a in college to, you know, to what I do now.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yes, and it's women typically in the um 45 through 60 age bracket.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Usually that's a midlife time when a lot of women start looking at their lives, their careers, and wondering, um, have I outgrown this?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Is there something more for me?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what's next?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Am I really you um using all my potential?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then for me, the latest thing, and this is really what my life is all about, how can I create meaningful success for myself?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, so you c sort of you sort of learn along with your clients, right?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: In order for you to get a meaningful success experience, you sort of coach your clients through that as well.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot, you know, the world has a definition of success that a lot of us buy into.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I bought into the you can have it all thing, you know, years ago.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, here in Silicon Valley, a lot of women are still um are still doing that.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I'm I'm a I'm a big believer in, you know, obviously women doing whatever they want they they want to do, but also listening to their heart and and getting getting very clear about what their purpose is, what their life purpose is, um, what their mission is, um, and what's going to really um make a positive difference in the world, what's going to enable them to leave the world a better place.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: And when I did that uh evaluation of myself way back in the 90s when I was considering leaving the law, it it became clear that the law wasn't really to be my path.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um it just I was good at it, I I had been very successful, but it it wasn't it wasn't the path for me anymore.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so that takes a lot of courage because it's scary to walk away from something that you're educated for and that you know and that you're good at and that you identify as, right?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean to I mean to be honest, I didn't for two years really call myself a Mary Kay consultant.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I would say, well, I'm a I'm a former lawyer who has who um who who who now has moved into a home-based business.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I would do it that way because I was a little embarrassed about selling lipstick.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, as I worked on on myself, I realized, you know what, I'm very proud of this company.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: This company is one amazing company, what it does for women.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm really proud to to be part of it.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, it's it's and and again, what is success?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: What is success to me?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: It it's the change the a lot of people, Tina, are still carrying around with them the definition of success they formulated when they were 25 years old.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: And now they're 45, and they're thinking, hmm, is this really am I am I chasing an outdated notion of success?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people are.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so what my my mission really is is to help women wake up to what really matters to them, evaluate their lives, and redefine what success, a successful life truly is for them.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then redesign their lives to reflect that.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because I mean I know myself, right?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: When I was about, I think I would have been about 45 or 46, I went through that.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what do I do with my life, right?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like what what am I gonna do now?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, who am I?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: Who do I want to be?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I had no idea where to start.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: So so how do you do that?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: How do you find uh or help women find their passions and their strengths?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, basically, I the way I work is I don't do as many assessments as a lot of people do.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I work from a um reflective, uh creative viewpoint.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and now as a um designing your life coach, I have additional tools.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, first it's getting clear about what their purpose is in their life, doing some purpose hunting exercises, what they value in their life right now.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I there's two types of values.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's the core values, which represents who they are, the ethical principles by which they live their life, and then there are the life values.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: What's non-negotiable for them to live their life?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: What is important and what was important at age 25 isn't as important at age 45 because we grow, we change, our circumstances change.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: We have a family, maybe the family is out of the house, we're ready to focus on, focus on us.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: So we do that, we look at the times um when they when women have worked, um, the sort of um the sort of work scenarios that brought them a real sense of engagement and fulfillment.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: We look at their view of life and of work, and then we do some brainstorming and throw out a lot of different possibilities out there, and then narrow down and select um two to three to really explore.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that is that's basically how it works.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's a um it's a yeah, it's a fun creative process.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because you know, lawy lawyers don't naturally, you know, uh uh embrace a design mindset.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so uh, you know, I really had to shift into really, you know, uh really embracing and enjoying creativity.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: And realizing there's, you know, I may not be the an artist or anything, but I I am a creative person and kind of digging down deep and um and getting that.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's how I that's how I work with people.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I want to comment on the creative um part that you added there.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: So our minds, we all have some kind of creative in our personalities, right?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I think as a lawyer, you know, it's how you speak, it's how you get your points across, right?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's not necessarily, you know, drawing a picture or you know, it's more about communication words.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: And and so I think that's probably where you um are successful when you're doing your reflection and your your you know, your um, I don't know what you would call it, like gaining the your information with your clients, right?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: Is this the way you word it is how we can picture ourselves, right?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: I would love to go through one of your sessions with you just to hear, you know, how you would bring that out in me, because I'm not a word person either.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's what you would do.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like it would just be interesting to see how that would would you know transform in my head.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: I I love that idea.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: Now, when you're talking with these women and you're bringing out, you know, you're uh you're bringing them into their own reflections and allowing them to sort of create a story that they want to make, um fears and doubts have to show up.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, I know myself, I'd be like, oh my god, I couldn't do that, right?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: How do you address that?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: How do you address these fears and and that that statement?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: I could never do that.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, actually, that is, you know, one one of the foundations of my you know reinvention or even life design programs is um developing a first a growth mindset.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: A mindset where um you adopt a belief that you have skills and abilities that you can still develop.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we never get too old.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: Our skills and abilities, even our IQ, are not fixed in stone.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: We can continue to grow them throughout our lives.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, an embrace of challenge and an embrace of learning something new, not being afraid to learn something new.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other thing is I do extensive work with the inner doubter, because you're absolutely right.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, this is often a big step for somebody, even just trying something.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: We call it prototyping in the design your life world.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: Prototyping means going out, doing information interviews, maybe um doing a side project to see if you like a certain uh type of work.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: But even that can cause somebody to freeze.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I I couldn't do that.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't do that.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: So what I encourage people to do is get in touch with your inner doubter, whom I fondly call ethel.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I call the exercise You're gonna love this.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Have coffee with ethyl in my best New York accent.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna be.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, I love it.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Having coffee with ethyl, and this is actually based on you know pretty sound psychological principles, but I'd like to make it fun.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: So what it involves is sitting down and getting letting ethel speak and getting all that stuff, the doubts, the fears, the what-ifs, out onto paper.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, that that reduces anxiety.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then basically going through and identifying what are the true obstacles, like um uh I I don't know how to do this, right?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Or I I don't know anything about this, right?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: You can create a strategy for, you can learn how to do something or research it, versus the beliefs that are embedded in Ethel's story.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm too old, I'm not cute enough.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: I th they they won't hire me.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: They won't look at me, right?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: All these beliefs that we're dragging around.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then once we've, you know, pulled them out, then working on um changing those limiting beliefs.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a powerful exercise.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that that results in tears and things, and you know, I mean, I I share my own, you know, my own stories and my own insecurities.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: So people say, Oh gosh, yeah, you had that.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: I said, of course I did.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a human being.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: We're all evolving.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, but getting but but working with ethyl and getting the see what happens, Tina, is if people keep suppressing a lot of those those negative um uh stories and just ignoring them, ignoring them, ignoring them, our inner doubter can go underground and sabotage us subconsciously.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really important to confront that and to deal with it and get clear about the limiting beliefs.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, usually we've been dragging them around with us for for years, right?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Most of our lives, and for most of us women, the big one is I'm not enough.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not good enough, I'm not young enough, I'm not old enough, I'm not cute enough, I'm not enough.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: The other big set of limiting beliefs is the trust one.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't trust myself, the government, whatever, the process.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third is scarcity.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: There's not enough.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, there's not there's not enough jobs.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: There there were there there were so many coaches out there.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: There's not enough clients for all of us.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Those three cat those the big three I call them usually um our limiting beliefs will fall within one of those those three.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: That is so true.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: It is so true.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: So once, okay, so let's say you're you're working with a group of women, because you do one-on-one coaching or is it mainly group coaching?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: I do one-on-one as well as group.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I right and I have two property Oh, okay.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: So when you when you have like you're working with a woman or a group of women and they come up with, okay, so I'm gonna like let go of these limiting beliefs, and I'm going to, you know, start living in a new world, a new life, and they come up with like do you help them find opportunities or new paths that align with their goals, values, and what they've come up with?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I I guide them to help explore that, right?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't um I don't necessarily I mean sometimes I connect people to an opportunity, but more often than not, I encoura I'm kind of there alongside them as they explore, as they reach out and do information interviews, as they do their research, as they um maybe take on a side project to to try something.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like the woman who I worked with who had a dream of opening her own tea room.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, which is lovely.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: We all love to have tea.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so um the suggestion was um as we brainstormed ways that she could um try it out.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: I call it test drive or prototype it.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, one idea was working in a tea room just to find out what it's really like, because we'll have a romantic notion, but it's really important to talk to the people who are doing it and to actually experience it.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: So she got a part-time job working in a tea room just to find out what it um what it what it was like, and to talk to the owners and see the real day-to-day behind the the romance of, you know, the lace and the lavender and the scones.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: And and so did how did she find that?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like did you ever hear back from her?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like did she well she did find the business?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: She did start working in a tea room and she actually um then our program ended.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was a career reinvention program, and I have not heard back from her.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: I do know she's still at her at her prior job at the job.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: She actually did change jobs, um, which was good because she wasn't happy where she was.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: So she did change roles, but she is not working full-time in a tea room.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: Whether she's continuing to do that, or another thing that we had prototyped was taking weekends and where she also she wanted to work with her cousin, where and work working with her cousin, maybe um work with venues like local bed and breakfasts to offer, you know, an English tea maybe Saturday or Sunday afternoon at one of these venues.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that way they could experience it without having to lease a space, hire people, get a commercial kitchen, that sort of thing.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know if she actually did that, but that would have might have might have been the next um the next way to test drive the idea.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot of creative ways people can do that.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: The thing is, one has to be willing to, you know, take the spanks off their brain and get creative.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I love what my designing your life uh uh coaches said, the gentleman who wrote the book Designing Your Life.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: They said, you're never stuck because you're you can all as long as you can generate a lot of good ideas.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, that initially sounded sort of simple-minded, but then I thought about it, and they are right as I started applying that whole uh uh uh mindset to different things in my life.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: I thought, you know what, they're right about that.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you can generate an idea, then you have hope for moving forward.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Duckness is when it's kind of a black hole with no light in it, right?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: And an idea is a little pinpoint of light that you can follow.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's you have to take it into your own hands to move forward with it.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: That is so true.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: That is so true, yeah.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna ask you, what did what do you think the mindset, um like the role of of our mindset, how does that play in the process of your reinvention?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: And like how do you like help?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like how it's crucial, I would think.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then how do you cultivate a positive mindset with your clients?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like how do because I would think that most of your clients come to you kind of feeling like there's no hope for me.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's the first when I'm doing a group or when I'm coaching someone one-on-one, we do a whole that's the first session on cultivating that mind, that mindset, not just the growth mindset, but also learning to think like an optimist and um seeing the glass half full instead of half empty.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, there's a lot of research that shows optimists tend to live longer, enjoy better health.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something that some people have to more consciously um develop more than others.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: Some people just naturally tend to be a little pessimistic.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, frankly, that's kind of what I am.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I went into law, right?
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: Minimize risk.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's something that I work to actively cultivate.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: Fortunately, I'm married to an optimist, and he always sees the glass as half full.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: So living with someone like that is just amazing.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, one way that I love to cultivate optimism is uh doing a gratitude journal.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of every day, during your prayer or meditation time as you unwind, just writing down everything you're grateful for.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that focuses our mind on everything we have, um as opposed to everything, the lack, everything we have.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: So that's one beautiful way to cultivate optimism.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: The other way is through our self-talk, because Tina, our self-talk shapes our lives.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not just pop psychology, that is real psychology.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there's a great book written by uh Dr.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Ethan Cross, um, and he actually it's called Chatter.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: And he talks about the impact, came out just a few years ago.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: He talks about the impact that the way we talk to ourselves has on our success, our happiness.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Happiness, our social life, and our health.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: And he I love him because he cites all kinds of wonderful university studies that have only been done, f that have been done quite recently that talk about this.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it it makes sense what our brain believes whatever we tell it, whether it's true or false.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why it's important to ensure that we're feeding our brain with positive self-talk.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that goes with regard to a failure or a mistake, or um when the inner critic gets going on us, or our perfectionism kicks in.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's so, so important.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: I I love this.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like I you you you know, the whole so I call mine the 80 bitty shitty committee.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: You call yours FR.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: So my like my committee is all the voices, right?
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I mean, obviously it's self-talk, right?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah um so I have I mean I have that one that the voice is very quiet, right?
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: Where it's you know, you can do this and you know you are enough for this, right?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I have like Dan the Doubter.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: What why it's a man's name, I I haven't figured it out, but that's the name that you know he's he's come to me with.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I I hear those voices so often.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm now learning how to, you know, okay, I don't want to hear this right now.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_02: You'll have to talk to me, you know, later.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need to be interrupted right now, right?
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_02: This is something that I'm learning to do.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: And it's so funny when you said, you know, like our the way our brain believes what we tell it, right?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: I always think that that is my brain telling me that, right?
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like my brain is telling me that I'm stupid and that I'm, you know, I did that wrong again.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're saying it's not.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're saying that well, we're saying that to the brain, so now the brain, you know, is is believing it.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: So where are those voices coming from?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's well, I I believe it's our ego, and I I'm not a psychologist, but there's different parts of ourselves that, you know, there's the negative parts, the shadow.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh there's a there's a lot of um stuff in about shadow work in in psychology, and I have only had a small uh exposure to it.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: But there are these parts of ourselves that are going to bring those things up.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: And one um uh really wise coach I worked with actually suggested that they're actually bring like doubter Dan is bringing that up because he wants to protect you.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: He wants you to stay in your comfort zone.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't want you to, you know, take that step to um increase your business or launch that product or do that presentation.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: You're as I say, your inner doubter likes you to stay on a couch watching Netflix reruns and eating chocolate and comfort zone.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: And not and anytime we start to eat we put a foot outside that comfort zone, that's when that inner chatter jabbers.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: And the way I deal with it is I will, and again, I've of course I've already done the stuff with where I get it all out, and I've created some affirmations to counter what, you know, Ethel or Dan are saying, right?
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: So let's say, for example, um Dan the Douber is saying, You can't you really can't give a TED talk.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I mean, who do you think you are?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: You you haven't given that big a talk before, right?
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, Dan the Doubter.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's the negative that's the limiting belief, right?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: What would be so what would be the the positive belief?
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: I have very successfully delivered a number of presentations, and I'm really excited and looking forward to delivering a TED talk, and I know a lot of people are going to be uplifted by it.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so that uh counters what Dan or Ethel are saying, and if you don't quite believe, and this is what I learned about limiting beliefs, the problem with the affirmations that we create to counter them is a lot of people will, you know, say, I am powerful, I am a great speaker, I am this, and they don't you don't quite believe it, right?
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like Dan is saying, eh, not really.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: So the way to counter that is I am growing into a really powerful, inspiring speaker.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: I am becoming a great presenter who can lift people.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: You create it as what's called a process affirmation, putting yourself in the place of becoming.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the other critical thing, and I'm sure you know this, is to counter the doubters in our heads, is we have to take action because the longer we procrastinate, the louder the doubter will get.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: Have you ever noticed absolutely?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: So the longer we just sit and listen to the voices, the louder and stronger they're gonna become.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_02: That is one great piece of advice.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_02: So if you've got that tiny, tiny voice inside you saying, Go try this, you need to try it.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like you need otherwise that voice will be overtaken.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: And let me just give you, and this is from that book Chatter, um, they actually have found that a very powerful way to activate your inner coach is to use what's called distanced self-talk, where you say, instead of saying, I I'm I'm going to try it, you say, pretend you're talking to a good friend, or pretend that's your inner coach talking Tina, you can do this.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: Tina, you have a record of success here.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: You can do this.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: Go for it, girl.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: That way of framing that self-talk is makes your inner coach's voice stronger, and it also stops the jabbering that Doubter Dan will or Effo will be doing about you can't, you won't, you will blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: That power that so it makes that voice louder in our heads, in other words.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: I've really that it's just amazing.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's funny that you know, we listen to those voices.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: I used to listen to them like all the time.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, I used to believe up until I was about maybe 25, probably, that it was God.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: This like I really believed that this was my message from God and that you know He was telling me, right, He was telling me that you you can't do that, right?
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_02: You can't you can't do that, you can't do this, and you shouldn't, you should you shouldn't think like that.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: And and I don't know, I don't even remember what made me think that you know it was God.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: I really don't, right?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I would have arguments with myself, right?
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because my my mouth was saying something different than what my brain was telling me, but I was also feeling like, but if God's telling me this is what I have to do, I'm arguing for no reason because God knows what I have to do, right?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_02: And then of course, obviously I had that awakening moment and I thought, oh my god, really stupid.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, you know, I mean, there's and you you know this, I mean, we we carry beliefs from our past.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe something happened in early childhood that may have led you to um, you know, create that belief, but you know, it's certainly uh, you know, you know, unfortunately our our you know parts of ourselves, those doubters, can lie to us.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: And again, they want to drag us back into the comfort zone and of mediocrity where we'll never share our gifts, no one will ever know what we have to offer the world.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, and I don't think that's what God wants, right?
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: We we know what God wants for us.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I've learned now that, you know, God's gonna teach me in other ways, not you know, through my own brain like that.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've learned that, that that's actually me talking to myself, right?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yeah.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's just funny.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's just fun, I just find it really funny when I think about that, you know, because now I know better.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: But at the time, you know, when I think back to when I was younger, I think, my God, so what was I doing?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like what was I not doing to move myself forward, right?
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I I mean I've learned now that I really held myself back.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I could have been, you know, I don't know, I could have been anything, right?
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there were many things that I will, you know, thought I wanted to be, right?
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so I held myself back.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, had I not realized like had I realized that that wasn't God at the time, I mean, who knows what I could have been capable of, right?
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: But unfortunately, we can't go back in time, so I have to embrace the moment now and move forward.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and you are.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right, absolutely, absolutely.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I want I would like to know um if you have anything like what's the first thing that a woman when a woman realizes that she might need your help, like to be reinvented or to, you know, change, make a big change in her life, what's the first thing she needs to recognize in herself?
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, I think she should pat herself on the back for recognizing that she needs to make a change because sometimes people prefer to stay in the victim uh role forever and um blame their circumstances on everybody else instead of realizing that the path forward is for them to take the first step to make the change.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_01: So that would be the first thing.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then the second thing, if they were particularly interested in work curious about me, um they could go to my website, uh www.daringreinventures.com, and they could download my free uh ebook, which is um f five way you know, five ways to start your reinvention.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that really takes people through a lot of nice little exercises.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: They can it's not just an ebook, they can download it and print it out if they want.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's about 15 pages, and it goes through all these wonderful little exercises about um shifting their thinking, about getting curious, about reconnecting with what matters to them.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um and um it's full of stories and you know, wonderful ways to to um to start the process.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's what that sounds awesome.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's that alone will lead them back to you, right?
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: That alone will be like, okay, I found this out about myself.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know more, right?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: I love that for sure.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna be downloading that.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be downloading that myself.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so when you look back on your life, what what's one thing that you I don't I I mean, I don't want to use the word regret.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: If you could change one thing now, knowing what you know about yourself and being where you are, what's one thing you would change?
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this is this is kind of painful.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: I would have had another child or two.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: I was so focused on my career in my 30s that I let that opportunity pass me by.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I um I regret that.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think that um even though our son is wonderful, where he's a blessing, I think it would have been great if he had had a sibling or two.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I'm so passionate about my mission.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm very honest with women who are in their 20s and 30s, that you know, you can have your career in, you know, into your 40s, your fifties, your sixties, but there's there's only a window of time for you to start that family.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's their family, it's those children that, yeah, they they they're challenges, but they also can bring us our greatest joy.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I um that I would say is my biggest regret.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I'll say that very frankly to anybody.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I guess the small the small regret is that I didn't, when my son went off to college, I didn't start my coaching career sooner.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: But that's really neither here nor there.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's the big one, and that's the message I really want to get out to people that there are you we we can we we can live a nonlinear life and do most the different things at different times in our lives, but there's really a golden time to really start our family in our 30s, maybe max early 40s, and um that's um I think that's something for um women to keep in mind and not to be so focused on the career.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean I didn't have the big career, but I have to agree with you.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I was older already when I had Yeah, yes, I do.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: But I was 30, right?
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was 30 when I started, and so you know, I mean that's I couldn't imagine having kids in my 40s.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like now?
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like at my age now having young kids.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't I I I don't think so.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have the energy for myself, never mind for you know, young kids.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: But we also do what we have to do, right?
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and some women didn't have a choice.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's when they were able to get married, right?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: So they they will do that and you know, bless their hearts.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I agree.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's better than that.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh yeah, and I think we all I'm sure we all say that.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I wish I was younger when I did this.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_02: But um is there anything else, Anne, that you'd like to um give to our listeners?
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um not necessarily advice, but maybe like pointers or you know, like something.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_01: The hip, this is something besides really watching yourself talk, the second thing is internalize your achievements.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_01: We women will tend to let a compliment just we won't even internalize it by saying thank you.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it was nothing, oh the team did it, oh I was just lucky.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, when you're complimented um about something, thank the person for it.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: I worked hard to do it, and I appreciate your um your I appreciate your saying thank you.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um you're complimenting me.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing is um making a list.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_01: I always tell my clients when you're feeling your confidence is a little shaky, make a list of everything you've achieved over the past 10 years in both your personal life as well as your um business or professional life.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, courses, um professional accomplishments, new skills, even overcoming a um challenging personal situation, health um achievements, all those things.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: Most of us gloss over what we're achieving in the busyness of our lives, and we don't take time to cement them in our brain.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_01: So making that list of achievements, I call it an achievement inventory, is a really important way to remind ourselves of gosh, what I have achieved when we're feeling a little bit down, and then we can always go back to it when we start doubting ourselves.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that is so true.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_02: That is so true.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you said that.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me today, Ann.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was my pleasure.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: It really was.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: It was it's always a chat of a pleasure chatting with you, hun.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thank you.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_02: Confidence in Bloom is a celebration of self-love, a confirmation that even though you may not look like a screen star or a supermodel, they don't even look like that.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: You are an amazing, desirable, brilliant, gorgeous, talented woman.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_02: We offer unconditional love to our partners, our children, our extended family, even our pets.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's high time we got out of our own way and learned to unconditionally love ourselves.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: In Full Bloom Styling and Coaching offers an online course combined with one-on-one coaching in confidence building, personal branding, and creating your signature fashion looks.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_02: Chic definitely does come in every shape, so if you want something to believe in, start with yourself.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: If you'd like to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom, contact me through Instagram at InfoBlue Styling or by email at Tina at InfoBlueStyle.com or through the DSX website.