Latest / Yes And Land / Cinderella and the Courage to Find Joy | Kamille Bauer on Grief and Happiness

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Cinderella and the Courage to Find Joy | Kamille Bauer on Grief and Happiness · Yes And Land

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  so i had the fairy tale i was married to prince
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  charming and we had three little babies and my
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  husband wasn't feeling super well and they said
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  you have six months to a year left and he lived
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  in another 18 months so it was like really a
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  crash course on how to not freak out how to not
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  be depressed how to deal with mental health but
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  then how to find joy when you know the impending
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  doom is coming and in here cinderella It is not
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  fair. It is not fair to have to go through that.
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  But how did she respond? And I loved it. She
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  was gracious. She was meek and she was kind.
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  And real life isn't going to be that easy. But
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  I do think it's a very good example that you
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  can actually still be kind, even when you've
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  had to experience something really hard in those
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  relationships around you. And kindness makes
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  a difference. i gave it up to god and i'm just
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  like i'm i'm never gonna be happy and i just
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  felt this distinct impression from my creator
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  he was just like if you're waiting for cancer
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  to be gone you're gonna waste the days that you
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  have i have all right to be bitter ornery and
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  miserable but i'm not gonna do that you get to
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  make a different choice welcome to yes and land
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  where we say yes to the reality of yesterday
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  and today, and we say and to the possibility,
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  growth, and imagination of tomorrow. All right,
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  welcome to another episode of Yes and Land. And
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  we are very excited today because we've got a
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  terrific guest on, Camille Bauer, who is an incredible
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  inspiration to many, many people. Camille has
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  had her fair share of grief and loss that she's
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  experienced and is now a happiness advocate,
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  which I just think is like the coolest, the coolest
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  title. And today going to share with us some
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  inspiration about how to deal with grief and
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  loss and how to find hope and joy and happiness,
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  but also how to become the hero in your own story.
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  And we're going to do that today. by also looking
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  at the movie Cinderella, which is a great example
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  for some of this stuff. So very excited to have
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  you on. Pretty much any Disney movie. Hope, tragedy,
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  loss. We were talking before, right? Yeah, that's
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  exactly right. Many, many Disney movies. It was
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  kind of like the tale that they always had for
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  a very, very long time. And even now, still sometimes
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  do it. But Cinderella fit the bill for sure.
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  It was right there along with many of the other
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  classic Disney movies. So it'll be a great one
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  for us to talk about today. So, Camille, where
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  I want to start, I always like to talk kind of
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  about background. And so for our audience, if
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  you wouldn't mind kind of giving a little bit
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  of the backstory to kind of how you became a
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  happiness advocate and what that experience was,
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  the grief and loss and tragedy that you suffered
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  and kind of what brought you to where you are
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  today. Yeah, so I had the fairy tale. I was married
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  to Prince Charming and we had three little babies
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  and my third baby was eight months old and my
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  husband wasn't feeling super well. He had been
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  an 11 -year cancer -free. So it had been, you
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  know, a good stint. After five years, usually
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  they're like, hey, they send you a card in the
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  mail. Congrats, you're cancer free. So this was
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  year 11. And we found out it had returned. And
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  so it was a really rare cancer called chondrosarcoma.
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  It was a bone cancer. And it was four years from
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  diagnosis to when he passed away. So it was.
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  12 years or 12 surgeries in those four years,
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  experimental chemos. I mean, they'd said you
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  have six months to a year left and he lived in
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  another 18 months, you know, so it was like really
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  a crash course on how to not freak out and how
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  to not be depressed, how to deal with mental
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  health, but then how to find joy when you know
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  the impending doom is coming, right? And and
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  so, yeah, after he passed, you know, being a
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  single mom, I had I've always I've always historically
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  and all my family were entrepreneurs. So I had
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  retail stores about a year after he passed. I
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  sold one. I sold my shop and just kind of marinated
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  with my babies until my little one went to junior
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  high. And then I got back and now I'm back into
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  entrepreneurship and run a wellness spa. I think
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  during all of that and the hard knock life you
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  would say that I've been through, you have to
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  look for the rays of sunshine in the dark clouds.
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  I remember specifically one instance when it's
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  just like, and for those listening, I'm. guarantee
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  everybody can relate that someone has had cancer
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  that they know is currently going through a cancer
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  diagnosis or has lost somebody that has dealt
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  with cancer. And it is very, very hard to find
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  the happiness in the moment when your life is
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  really crappy. You know, like I found, I was
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  like, okay, I have. Three months. We have three
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  months to get ready. And if you are dealing with
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  a cancer diagnosis and you're listening, my heart
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  goes out to you. You have the scansiety is a
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  real thing. After three months, we did the surgery,
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  and we were hoping everything's going to go away.
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  And then you get the news that you don't want.
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  Those listening. You know, I feel for you. If
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  you get good news, yay. But if you get the bad
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  news, then I found myself in a cycle of telling
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  myself I'll be happy when cancer is gone. I can
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  I can be happy when it's gone. And so for the
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  first, you know, three, another three months,
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  then it went six months and then it went nine
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  months, you know, and then it went a year. And
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  I remember just like, what? I'm never I'm never
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  going to be happy. If I'm putting conditions
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  on my happiness, right? Yeah. And let's just
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  say I was a mom and you pretend you're happy.
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  You do what you need to do for the people in
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  your life. You show up. But inside, I was very
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  depressed. I didn't have internal happiness.
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  I had a fake. I'm a mom, and I got to put on
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  my big girl pants and just pretend everything's
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  okay. But inside, I wasn't. And so that's what
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  I learned. After a good while, maybe at least
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  massively over a year, I remember I gave it up
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  to God, and I'm just like, I'm never going to
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  be happy. Cancer's not going away. And I just
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  felt this distinct impression from my creator,
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  and he was just like, if you're waiting for cancer
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  to be gone, You're going to waste the days that
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  you have. And it was almost like a light switch
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  moment, right? Like those cartoons when the light
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  bulb is just like, you know, it's like, okay,
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  that is so valid. I don't want to just sit there
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  and mope around and be sad. Why? I have the love
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  of my life sitting here with me, right? And yeah,
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  was it hard? And was there? You know, certain
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  things that you can't change, correct. That's
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  true. But when you focus on what you have in
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  the here and the now, instead of worrying, then
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  you can find happiness and joy. So I was able
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  to, you know, imperfectly, but I was able to
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  feel that internal happiness more when I realized
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  I can't put conditions on happiness. And I think,
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  you know, one of the things I've heard you say
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  before in some of the content you have out there
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  is I think sometimes in life we are always saying,
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  well, when that next thing happens, right? When
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  I get my garage, right? When I get that next
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  house, when I get that next promotion, I'll be
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  happy. And, you know, yours is a very extreme
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  example with your husband's cancer diagnosis.
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  But I think it universally applies to us that
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  too many times we get stuck in that. I'll be
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  happy when that next thing happens instead of
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  being happy now. It's good to have growth and
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  goals, but you can't put your happiness tied
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  to those, anchored to what you think your life
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  should look like before you deserve to be happy.
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  So, yeah, for sure, you hit it right. Mine was
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  a garage. Dang, if I only had a garage, my life
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  would be perfect. That was before cancer, you
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  know, a baby was eight months. I don't know.
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  You got that car seat. You're carrying two gallons
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  of milk. You're carrying your groceries. You
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  know, you go up flights of stairs. It's just
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  like I just dreamt of a garage. And when I was
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  thinking about the idea of, you know, wanting
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  the next thing, I mean. Again, we've all probably
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  had that, but I can remember thinking about like,
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  oh, and my last kid's finally out of diapers.
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  It'd be so nice when they're out of diapers.
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  But then you take a step back if you can and
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  realize like, okay, but what are the things that
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  I have in the moment and how can I live better
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  in this moment and appreciate the things that
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  I have now and the joy that I can feel now? And
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  it's not, like you said, it's not that you don't
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  want to continue to have growth. We all should
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  and still continue to push with goals. And it's
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  that balance, right? The balance of something
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  that we're shooting for in the future while still
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  experiencing and enjoying the growth and the
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  journey that we're on in that path. And that's
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  a mental game, man. That is sometimes minute
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  by minute where you, that's why you need a higher
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  power. Whatever you believe in, you know, mine's
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  Jesus Christ and a heavenly father that loves
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  me and knows my heart and will help give me strength
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  when I don't have my own. And you need it because
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  you've got to show up and appreciate the life
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  you have. And I think to your point, whatever
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  that deity is for somebody, having faith in something
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  beyond yourself is something that I think is
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  really important for people. Whether or not it's
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  a different religion they practice or they believe
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  in nature being that, but believing that there's
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  more. There's more out there. And it's an underlying
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  theme in every hero's journey, right? Whether
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  it's your family, your ancestry, your people
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  that you love that cheer for you, the higher
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  power, getting that faith and that buoying up
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  that you can do insurmountable, impossible things
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  is in everybody's hero's journey. So take me
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  back for a second. Your first finding out that
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  the cancer was back after, I think you said,
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  11 years cancer -free. That long, I mean, that's
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  just unusual for it to come back. And you're
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  living, like you said, the life that you had
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  dreamed of. You had your Prince Charming. What
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  were the kind of emotions that you experienced
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  then? I think a lot of, oh, we got this. We can
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  do this. natural optimist I'm a glass half full
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  we got this you know I'm annoyingly optimistic
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  my kids would say so for me it was like oh what's
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  the next step you know of course it was devastating
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  was super hard and because my spouse had gone
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  through this already he was he was extra sobered
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  like he was extra quiet in that waiting room
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  I mean in that doctor's office because it was
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  the same surgeon who had done his surgery 11
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  years prior was the same one that came in and
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  told him it was back and so I did have to ask
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  him you know like hey we got this what's going
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  on and he just was real quiet and he said I To
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  something to the extent of now I have to put
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  you guys through this. Now it's not just me going
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  through cancer. Now it's me and my kids that
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  have cancer. He was on the way to that. Yeah.
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  And so I did it in my naive state of mind. You
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  know, I didn't quite grasp the heaviness that
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  he felt. Obviously it was so sad and I shed buckets
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  of tears and, you know, it was hard. But, you
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  know, that vein of, hey, we can beat this. you
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  know, was there. So for me, it waned on heavier
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  throughout the years when it was like, you know,
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  experimental chemo. Oh, it's working. You know,
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  then the next three months. Oh, it's not. And,
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  you know, oh, let's have surgery again. And so
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  that's where, you know, it wore on me. And and
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  over time, when you kind of have that, you know,
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  light bulb moment and you realized, you know,
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  enjoy the time that you have now. What what did
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  that look like for the support you were then
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  able to provide for your kids? Because I imagine
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  that they were experiencing some hard things
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  during that time, too. Yeah, it's impossible
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  to wrap my mind around what my kids have had
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  to go through. You know, my dad's still alive.
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  My mom's still alive. Like they're literally
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  10 minute drive from my house. So I'm sure they
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  saw. me being maybe too happy i know and to them
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  that's me trying to overcompensate it's like
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  hey everything's okay trying to shield them but
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  you can't shield them only so much but just trying
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  to age appropriately tell them what's going on
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  um but it was hard and it still is hard and for
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  those of you who've lost a parent who are listening
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  and if you were little you know like it doesn't
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  go away i'm 11 years out this year this september
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  will be 11 years since my spouse passed away
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  and my kids it's a nightmare like it is horrific
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  like the ripple effect of that in their life
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  is so sad like my daughter got married last year
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  so sad like a great happy occasion but when you're
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  missing a dad that's not going to walk you down
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  the aisle that's sad you know like it's just
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  this You know, I have a daughter who's oldest
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  and then I have two boys. And I remember my son
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  was going into high school and his grief really
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  kicked up. And he was just, you know, I could
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  read him like a book went down in his room. And
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  I'm like, hey, you know, kind of tell me what's
• 15:14
  going on for you. And he just was like, I should
• 15:17
  be over this by now. You know, like, I don't
• 15:19
  understand. And he just sat there and sobbed
• 15:21
  and sobbed. And it's just like, OK, first off,
• 15:24
  you turn it into a man. You got. Testosterone
• 15:27
  coursing through your veins. And you just want
• 15:30
  your dad around. That makes total sense. You
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  know, I think it's just you wish you would have
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  this hard thing that you got over and then you
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  can leave it in the past. You can't leave it
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  in the past on someone you loved eyes because
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  you carry it with you every day. And so, you
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  know, I had to tell my kids each tear is a drop
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  of love. And that's we loved him so much. So
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  it's. I remember being in the funeral line. We
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  did like a viewing. And so I'm standing in front
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  of the casket and someone comes up to me and
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  says, how long are you going to be sad for? And
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  I was just like. And this was, mind you, my late
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  spouse's uncle that thinks he's funny and says
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  stuff that you're just like, I roll, OK? And
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  I just, you know, those times in life where you're
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  like, you look back and you're like, dang, you
• 16:30
  have all the right words. But in the moment,
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  you're just like, I got nothing. Okay. Like,
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  I just was so shocked. And I'm usually like pretty
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  quick witted. I mean, but in that moment of like,
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  it's so inappropriate. Number one, whatever you
• 16:44
  just said to me was so inappropriate. Like, I
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  just was so taken aback. Like the home alone,
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  creepy uncle who says weird stuff that you're
• 16:51
  just viral. That's extreme. OK, that's what he
• 16:55
  was. And I just like I just couldn't even. And
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  now fast forward, you know, years I was I would
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  say to him, well, how long is he going to be
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  dead for? You know, that's the truth. You will
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  forever want them to be with you. And so it's
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  just that that grief is just learning to manage
• 17:16
  the pain. And when you get those milestones in
• 17:19
  the life. yourself and your you know your children
• 17:23
  like that's the part that just it hits yeah it's
• 17:27
  hard when when you were going through the the
• 17:32
  battle with cancer during those four years what
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  what did it look like when people were able to
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  give you support you know because I think a lot
• 17:41
  of times When you really care about somebody,
• 17:44
  you love somebody, and they're going through
• 17:45
  a hard time, you want to provide support to them.
• 17:47
  And so many times people just have no idea. What
• 17:50
  does support look like? How can they be supportive?
• 17:52
  What can they do? What did it look like for you
• 17:54
  when people actually were able to support you
• 17:56
  and it made a difference for you? I love that
• 17:58
  question. And it's actually one of the questions
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  I get asked a lot. And it's actually my number
• 18:04
  one YouTube video, what to say and what not to
• 18:06
  say, because I'm very passionate about this.
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  Number one, treat us like normal. Don't have
• 18:16
  hushed conversations or look at us like, oh,
• 18:21
  you're dying. I'm so sad. There's a look that
• 18:25
  people get on their face and you're just like,
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  gosh, please don't. Please just treat me like
• 18:30
  normal. So number one, just being who you are
• 18:35
  and still honoring the relationship that you
• 18:37
  have with. that person in its authenticity. You
• 18:41
  know, you don't need to not talk about your problems
• 18:44
  because they have problems. I mean, I remember
• 18:47
  sometimes people would be like, oh, well, that's
• 18:49
  nothing compared to what you're going through.
• 18:51
  And it's like, oh my, please, please bring it
• 18:53
  on. Bring me all your problems. I want to hear
• 18:56
  about them because I'm sick of hearing about
• 18:58
  mine. Like it's a vacation for me. Also, if you're
• 19:03
  thinking about them, text them. If you don't
• 19:05
  know what to say, say, I don't know what to say.
• 19:08
  It's way better than not saying anything like
• 19:11
  my daughter was in sixth grade and she went back
• 19:15
  after the Funeral and I mean we took I think
• 19:18
  it was like a week. They didn't go to school
• 19:20
  after that We call it diarrhea days at our house.
• 19:25
  You know, it's like you can't you can't go if
• 19:27
  you had diarrhea. Like we'd be like, do you need
• 19:30
  a diarrhea day today? So like the whole week
• 19:33
  after it was like diarrhea day all day, every
• 19:35
  day we just tried to do. We went on a hike and,
• 19:38
  you know, whatever they wanted to do. But she
• 19:40
  went back to school and not one person would
• 19:43
  talk to her. And she sat alone at lunch. That's
• 19:46
  even worse. It was so bad. So if you have little
• 19:49
  people. that their friends are going through
• 19:52
  stuff, you just need to stress, like, hey, still
• 19:55
  talk to them. Because I think they were so freaked
• 19:57
  out. Like, who, I mean, really, who has a dad
• 20:02
  that dies in sixth grade? Not a lot of people.
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  And my son was in, what grade was he in? He was
• 20:10
  eight. So whatever grade that is, I think third
• 20:13
  grade, maybe. Which his friends were more supportive
• 20:17
  than hers, but I just, it's. It's hard. You just
• 20:21
  have to say, open your mouth. Don't alienate
• 20:24
  people or not talk to people because it's uncomfortable
• 20:27
  for you. So definitely that. Texting people even,
• 20:33
  you know, like, hey, I'm thinking about you.
• 20:34
  Here's something funny I saw the other day, you
• 20:37
  know, made me laugh. Like, I remember one time
• 20:39
  we were super low and I was just like, I'm calling
• 20:42
  in all the funny memes. Any stand -up comedians
• 20:45
  that you love, like, send them our way because
• 20:49
  Clint is in a hard spot right now. And laughing
• 20:53
  is so powerful. Like, we, the line that we got
• 20:58
  to was like, at least our pet's heads aren't
• 21:00
  falling off. Like, what up, man? A little dub
• 21:02
  and dubber reference. Right? Good for you, yeah.
• 21:04
  It's totally like that. Like, we had to get to
• 21:08
  that point where it's like, hey, our pet sets
• 21:10
  aren't falling off. We're good. You know, like,
• 21:12
  how much can we actually handle? It's crazy.
• 21:16
  And also, if you want to give meals, I think
• 21:21
  that's great. Cleaning service is another great
• 21:25
  one that I would have loved if someone was like,
• 21:29
  hey, I'm going to donate. So whether you wanted
• 21:31
  it or not, you know, I would love to have a house
• 21:34
  cleaner come. Once a whatever, you know, that's
• 21:39
  appropriate if you feel that you're close enough
• 21:41
  to that person. People did freezer meals, which
• 21:44
  I loved somebody that had just because I owned
• 21:49
  a yarn shop. So I did knitting and crocheting
• 21:52
  classes. So I was pretty prevalent in the community
• 21:54
  with and our story was out there. People knew.
• 21:58
  And so, you know, I remember this lady that was
• 22:01
  an acquaintance and a customer at this at the
• 22:03
  yarn shop. And they would come every week and
• 22:08
  sit and knit sometimes. Or she would come to
• 22:10
  a class. But I remember her vividly having a
• 22:14
  frozen meal delivery brought to my house. And
• 22:17
  I thought that was so great for me as a mom.
• 22:20
  Because I didn't want to say, oh, bring me a
• 22:24
  meal. It was great to have it in the freezer.
• 22:26
  Because then I could actually pull it out and
• 22:29
  put it in the oven when it was ready for us.
• 22:30
  And I felt like... I did something, you know,
• 22:34
  like it was really great to be able to have that
• 22:37
  charity component. So yeah, just, I think feeding
• 22:42
  us, helping us, just letting us know that you
• 22:46
  still care about us, not avoiding us and talking
• 22:50
  to your children. If they have a friend to just
• 22:53
  say, don't, don't alienate them. Don't ignore
• 22:57
  them. Let's go out of our way. What can we do
• 23:00
  to. help them feel extra. Yeah, that's great
• 23:04
  advice. After he passed and you're kind of going
• 23:10
  through, you know, all the emotions that you
• 23:14
  do, did you ever have a time where maybe you
• 23:20
  were doing something fun and enjoying it and
• 23:23
  then felt guilty because you were supposed to
• 23:25
  be sad? Yeah. Did you ever have that? Oh, absolutely.
• 23:28
  People put conditions on your grief, like what
• 23:33
  it should look like. It's so bizarre. People
• 23:36
  do this. So that's another thing. Don't come
• 23:41
  to us and say, if I was going through this, this
• 23:44
  is what I would do. Like, don't do that. Don't
• 23:47
  give us advice unless you have personally gone
• 23:50
  through this and you have the ground to stand
• 23:52
  on. You have the street cred. Sure. You could
• 23:55
  come to me and say, my spouse or my dad had this
• 23:59
  same cancer. This is what I did. You know, then,
• 24:02
  yes, please share. But if you're like, oh, my
• 24:05
  gosh, my aunt's friend's cousin's neighbor's
• 24:08
  uncle had this and they used this essential oil
• 24:13
  and it went away, man. You know, you're just
• 24:16
  like, thank you. You're like, gee. Yeah. So you
• 24:21
  need to have the authenticity to be. If that's
• 24:24
  your story, share it, please. Your words matter.
• 24:27
  But if it doesn't, don't say it. I am very passionate
• 24:31
  about that. I mean, someone was like, hey, I
• 24:34
  mean, a very, very, very close family member
• 24:36
  of mine. Very close. OK, not my mom, not my dad,
• 24:42
  but closer than you. All right. I'm not going
• 24:45
  to shout out this person. but they said i don't
• 24:48
  know dang i would never remarry after my spouse
• 24:51
  passed away i love them too much yeah and that's
• 24:56
  like what it's just not fair at all to say no
• 25:00
  and i just sat there and looked at her and i
• 25:02
  just like do you understand what that means like
• 25:09
  do you understand what you just said in my mind
• 25:11
  i was saying this to myself like Oh, so you love
• 25:14
  your husband more than I loved my dead husband.
• 25:16
  That's what you're saying to me. Like, what are
• 25:19
  you doing? And we do this all the time. People
• 25:22
  do. They say the dumbest stuff. And you have
• 25:26
  to get thick skin when you go through a diagnosis
• 25:28
  like this or any diagnosis, let's say, that's
• 25:31
  visible. Not a, you know, one that you're dealing
• 25:34
  with behind closed doors people don't know about.
• 25:36
  But if it's like more of a prevalent tragedy
• 25:40
  that people know about, they say the dumbest
• 25:42
  stuff. And it is very hurtful at times. And I
• 25:45
  had to, I mean, we had to go over this so much
• 25:47
  with the kids too. It's like, hey, at least they
• 25:49
  said something. Like, let's try to give them
• 25:52
  grace. You know, giving people grace all the
• 25:54
  time. And sometimes you just want to punch them
• 25:56
  in the face straight up. But it's like, okay.
• 26:00
  And I just have got to this point where it's
• 26:01
  like, okay, at least she doesn't know what it
• 26:06
  feels like to lose her spouse. okay, I'm going
• 26:10
  to give her that card. But it's like, why would
• 26:12
  you say that? That's a very gracious approach
• 26:16
  for you to take. I think my perspective there
• 26:19
  is she's not going through that. There's no way
• 26:22
  she could understand that. And you've got to,
• 26:27
  on your timing and in your way, be able to start
• 26:30
  finding happiness again. And if that's starting
• 26:34
  to date, if that's finding a way to move on,
• 26:36
  then... The last thing someone should be doing
• 26:39
  is either shaming you for it or making you feel
• 26:42
  guilty for it. Oh, absolutely. And I think I
• 26:43
  was very surprised. I did not expect after he
• 26:47
  passed how judged I would be. It's hurtful. Yeah.
• 26:54
  And by people who do not have a clue and have
• 26:58
  not walked my shoes. And that part was just a
• 27:02
  very, I didn't plan on that. I mean, what we
• 27:06
  were going bowling and it's like me and the kids
• 27:08
  and it's like, oh, I remember somebody like a
• 27:11
  neighbor acquaintance, you know, not a super
• 27:14
  good friend being like, oh, you guys look like
• 27:15
  you're doing real good. I'm surprised you're
• 27:17
  out bowling. You know, it's just like. What are
• 27:22
  we supposed to be doing? Wearing black when putting
• 27:25
  a veil over our head and be sitting in our basement
• 27:27
  crying, eating chocolate for weeks or months
• 27:29
  like, no, we need to get back out there. And
• 27:31
  honestly, like I wanted to do that, but I'm a
• 27:33
  mom. When you're a parent, you've got to show
• 27:35
  up. My kids need to eat. They've got to go to
• 27:37
  school. They've got to have their clothes washed.
• 27:41
  I did want to crawl in a hole, but I couldn't.
• 27:46
  I had to show up. And it's like we've got to
• 27:50
  live and laugh. And for those people who do pass,
• 27:53
  that's what they want. They want us to have a
• 27:56
  life full of joy and happiness. Oh, for sure.
• 27:59
  They don't want us to be sad in a basement sitting
• 28:01
  there not doing anything. Because that shows
• 28:04
  we're martyrs and we really loved them. That's
• 28:07
  our badge. You know, like I love them more than
• 28:10
  you do because I didn't do anything. You know,
• 28:12
  it's like, wow, that's actually we live for him.
• 28:15
  We have joy and happiness because that's what
• 28:18
  they want. That's what he would want. Yes, absolutely.
• 28:21
  No question. So, okay. So I'm going to bring
• 28:25
  this to our Cinderella story. So I've got a couple
• 28:27
  of quotes here. So the first one that I got.
• 28:31
  is right at the very beginning where the narrator's
• 28:32
  talking and i think it kind of sets the stage
• 28:34
  well for the story of cinderella cinderella overall
• 28:37
  which most people probably know uh but if they
• 28:40
  don't well sets it up but i also think it directly
• 28:42
  applies to things we're talking about here so
• 28:44
  here's here's the the quote from and this is
• 28:46
  the narrator speaking it says it was upon the
• 28:48
  untimely death of this good man however the stepmother's
• 28:51
  true nature was revealed cold Okay, so that sets
• 29:20
  the stage for us for Cinderella. Let's bring
• 29:24
  into this kind of discussion like what is Cinderella
• 29:29
  kind of experiencing here and what are we kind
• 29:31
  of learning from what she's going through and
• 29:34
  then how she starts to respond and deal with
• 29:38
  the grief and the emotions of first off her mother
• 29:41
  having passed away first because that happened
• 29:42
  first, right? Yeah. And then her dad passing
• 29:45
  away and then her, I mean, becoming a servant
• 29:48
  because of this cruel and horrible stepmother.
• 29:50
  It's totally unfair. Yeah. It is not fair. And
• 29:54
  I think that is a huge vein of what little people
• 29:58
  you think life should be fair, right? It's like,
• 30:00
  oh, that's not fair. They took my, you know,
• 30:03
  that's not fair. You hear that a lot, right?
• 30:05
  All the time. From my six -year -old, all the
• 30:08
  time. She's always saying it's not fair. But
• 30:10
  in every Disney movie, it's not fair. And in
• 30:12
  here, Cinderella, it is not fair. What they did
• 30:16
  to her is not fair. It is not fair to have to
• 30:19
  go through that. And then extra. To the massive
• 30:23
  extremes that she had to go through and how she
• 30:25
  was treated, definitely not fair. But how did
• 30:30
  she respond? And I loved it. She was gracious.
• 30:33
  And she was meek. And she was kind. She was incredibly
• 30:40
  kind, right? Like, you've got this stepmother
• 30:43
  and stepson who's treating her horribly and cruelly
• 30:46
  and terribly. And yet, in all the relationships
• 30:49
  that she had, and again, in the movie, it's...
• 30:51
  It's the mice. It's the birds. It's all those
• 30:54
  things. And she's just kind. And you can tell.
• 30:57
  And that's not easy to do. And obviously, it's
• 31:00
  a Disney movie. So she's kind all the time. And
• 31:03
  real life isn't going to be that easy. But I
• 31:05
  do think it's a very good example that, like,
• 31:07
  you can actually still be kind. Even when you've
• 31:11
  had to experience something really hard in those
• 31:15
  relationships around you. And kindness makes
• 31:17
  a difference. Yeah, I think that's why I love
• 31:19
  the live, you know, the real people version of
• 31:22
  Cinderella too. Because she does show, the actress
• 31:25
  was incredible. And she shows such true, great
• 31:30
  emotion. Where you could see that depth so much
• 31:35
  more than the cartoon. And so you do see that.
• 31:39
  she's hurt and sad and you know there is that
• 31:42
  internal emotions but she uses her discipline
• 31:46
  and holds back that and chooses over and over
• 31:52
  again to be kind and I love especially I love
• 31:58
  how you reference the little mice like she even
• 32:01
  loved the little people and was kind to people
• 32:03
  that It didn't matter to the world, right? Like,
• 32:07
  totally insignificant, little pests that meant
• 32:11
  nothing. But to her, kindness was everything.
• 32:15
  And she shared that with all the little people.
• 32:18
  And I love, like, I find in my own personal life,
• 32:23
  like, I can have so much joy in just the little
• 32:27
  stuff around me after going through what I have
• 32:29
  been through. Like we have two dogs and I sing
• 32:32
  to them every single day. Like they know I adore
• 32:38
  them and I love them. Like it's so important
• 32:42
  to just be kind and put out because what you
• 32:45
  put out comes back. And I love that this story
• 32:50
  is a huge example of. Hey, you might be, where
• 32:56
  are you in life? If you're listening and you're
• 32:58
  in that pocket of those stepsisters being horrific
• 33:01
  to you, and let's be honest, there's actually
• 33:04
  some real sisters in your real lives that are
• 33:07
  horrific. So you never know what that will look
• 33:13
  like down the road. Before we jump back in, can
• 33:17
  I ask you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the
• 33:20
  journey so far, will you like, rate? and subscribe
• 33:24
  to our show it helps us reach more people like
• 33:27
  you we can design and create and build the most
• 33:30
  wonderful place in the world but it takes people
• 33:33
  to make the dream a reality yeah and and you
• 33:38
  know to your point with the live action one one
• 33:39
  of the things i particularly love about this
• 33:42
  this topic in the live action is the phrase that
• 33:45
  cinderella learns from her mother her mother
• 33:47
  originally teaches her the phrase and then she
• 33:50
  has to bring it back up so that she can act in
• 33:53
  that way, which is to have courage and be kind.
• 33:56
  And, and I think some of the things that you're
• 33:58
  talking about in those moments to be kind takes
• 34:01
  a great deal of courage. Oh my gosh. So much.
• 34:03
  Because it's so, it's so much easier at times
• 34:06
  if we just lash out, if we just lash out, we
• 34:08
  let the emotions just come out of us and we are
• 34:12
  cruel or we're reactionary or we're, we're abrasive
• 34:15
  and it, it, it takes a great deal more. to say
• 34:19
  in those moments, I'm going to put that goodness,
• 34:22
  I'm going to put that kindness out there. And
• 34:24
  I also think there's a really important difference
• 34:26
  between kindness and nice. Oh, absolutely. And
• 34:31
  so for you, I always like to ask people this,
• 34:33
  for you, what is the difference between being
• 34:35
  nice and being kind? I think being kind comes
• 34:38
  from your heart, what's your true intention.
• 34:43
  Nice is like, hey, oh my gosh. Your aunt just
• 34:46
  gave you something that you hated at Christmas
• 34:48
  time. Be nice and say thank you. You know, like,
• 34:50
  hey, thanks, Aunt Fanny. I love it. You know,
• 34:54
  but really inside you're like, oh, hell no. Ain't
• 34:58
  no way I'm going to wear this. But kind is, you
• 35:04
  know what? I want to do something nice for somebody
• 35:07
  because my heart is in the right place. Yeah,
• 35:11
  kindness is born from empathy. And it becomes
• 35:15
  something that's much deeper and much truer and
• 35:18
  connects people so much more effectively than
• 35:20
  the surface level. Sometimes even fake or phony
• 35:24
  nice because that's sometimes what nice is. Sometimes
• 35:26
  it's just fake. Sometimes it's not authentic
• 35:29
  at all. Agreed. But kindness has to be because
• 35:32
  if it's not, it's not kindness. Yeah. And, you
• 35:35
  know, the Cinderella does do a wonderful job
• 35:38
  of kind of displaying what kindness can look
• 35:40
  like in really difficult times. It's a really
• 35:43
  great example for us. You know, when you were
• 35:45
  talking about the mice and, you know, what she's
• 35:48
  doing for the little ones, right? It made me
• 35:51
  think of, you know, in the moments that we have
• 35:55
  in life where there's certain people around us
• 35:58
  that maybe are not physically the little people,
• 36:02
  but maybe the people who are not. unnoticed,
• 36:05
  that people don't pay attention to, or the person
• 36:07
  sitting by themselves, or the person that seems
• 36:10
  to be a little bit more the outcast. When we
• 36:13
  take the moments, even if we're going through
• 36:15
  something hard, to be kind to that person comes
• 36:20
  back to us, just like you said. Absolutely. And
• 36:23
  I think when you are tempered by life, when you
• 36:27
  go through hard experiences in life, there's
• 36:30
  no other way to be taught to be empowered. to
• 36:34
  have that empathy and that compassion and that
• 36:36
  kindness because my kids are incredible, incredible
• 36:40
  people because of what they've gone through.
• 36:43
  I mean, example, my son, who's 15, just tried
• 36:49
  out for the high school baseball team. It's a
• 36:53
  big deal. It is big, and it's even bigger for
• 36:56
  our family because my late spouse was a college
• 36:59
  baseball player and had a scholarship to play
• 37:02
  college baseball. And so it's just, it's a trigger
• 37:05
  already for grief because he wished his dad was
• 37:07
  here to help him, to coach him. And then his
• 37:09
  dad's dad, his grandpa, just died two years ago.
• 37:13
  And that was the one who would take him to the
• 37:16
  batting cages. And he taught, his grandpa taught
• 37:22
  his dad his little league team, you know, that
• 37:25
  took state. And, you know, there's just all this
• 37:27
  unsaid pressure, not that we applied it. But
• 37:32
  baseball is triggering in our family for grief
• 37:35
  because that was their dad's favorite game. Okay.
• 37:38
  So Wyatt makes it to the third round of callbacks.
• 37:43
  And that night he finds out he doesn't make the
• 37:46
  team. And so he's sitting on the couch and he
• 37:49
  is, you know, him and I are the only ones home.
• 37:52
  And I'm just sitting by him and he's just crying.
• 37:57
  And sometimes. You just got to let people cry.
• 38:02
  I think so many people want to grab a tissue
• 38:05
  and fix somebody like, oh, oh, stop. What can
• 38:09
  I do? Let's go do this or do that or, you know.
• 38:12
  But sometimes the gift is just sitting there
• 38:14
  in silence with somebody. So I did. I just sat
• 38:17
  there and just held his hand and he just cried.
• 38:20
  And then he maybe 10 minutes goes by and he said,
• 38:26
  hey, mom. And he, you know, snuffs his nose a
• 38:30
  little and wipes his eyes. And I get up to go
• 38:33
  to the bathroom and come back. And he's like,
• 38:34
  hey, I told Grayson we're bringing him dinner
• 38:39
  next week. And I'm like, huh? What? What are
• 38:44
  you talking about? And so there's this new kid
• 38:47
  that hasn't been a longtime friend. He just met
• 38:49
  him from baseball practice. And he just made
• 38:51
  the team that night. But his mom was just diagnosed
• 38:55
  with cancer and had. just had, was just going
• 38:59
  to go through surgery. Well, I didn't know the
• 39:01
  mom. I don't know this son. I didn't know his
• 39:04
  friend Grayson. There's no, you know, and so
• 39:07
  I'm just sitting there and I'm like, Oh, okay.
• 39:10
  Um, okay. We, sure. I was sure we can bring him
• 39:16
  dinner. How about you tell them next Tuesday?
• 39:19
  Um, we'll, we'll take him by dinner. And he's
• 39:21
  like, okay. And you know, he shoots off a little
• 39:24
  text and I just sat there and I'm, Just was so
• 39:28
  proud of my son that here on, like, really probably
• 39:32
  one of the worst days of his life, he was thinking
• 39:36
  about other people. What 15 -year -old would
• 39:39
  ever do that? Not very many. Not many. And it's
• 39:44
  because of what he's gone through. He knows a
• 39:48
  cancer diagnosis, that is massive. That is life
• 39:51
  -changing. And people showed up for us, and people
• 39:54
  brought food. And he knows the drill like he
• 39:59
  knows. And that's just so intuitive in his heart,
• 40:02
  that level of depth and compassion. Like I just
• 40:05
  I was so proud of him. And then fast forward
• 40:08
  to that Tuesday, we go and get the meals and
• 40:12
  he goes up and gets a get well card out of my
• 40:14
  little like Rolodex of blank cards. And I had
• 40:18
  to snap a picture and read what he wrote like
• 40:21
  to this person he doesn't know. And it was something
• 40:24
  through the lines of. Like, hey, my dad passed
• 40:27
  from cancer. I know how you guys are feeling.
• 40:31
  I'm going to include you in my prayers and hope
• 40:34
  you recover. Just something like an old, let's
• 40:39
  just say, an old 45 -year -old would say or whatever.
• 40:43
  Like, who are you? And I just was so proud of
• 40:46
  him. But it was just like, wow. But that's because
• 40:51
  of what he went through. He can empathize in
• 40:54
  a way that others just couldn't. And, you know,
• 40:57
  I've seen that principle to be true, which is
• 41:00
  if we look outside ourselves and we serve others,
• 41:03
  it helps us work through things we have. Why
• 41:06
  do you think that is? Why do I think that is?
• 41:11
  When you can look for others when they're going
• 41:15
  through their hurt, it helps you somehow get
• 41:19
  over your own hurt. I mean, how many times can
• 41:22
  you just sit there in your own feelings and think
• 41:25
  of all the things you're depressed about, but
• 41:27
  then when you look out and help others, you just
• 41:30
  feel better? I'm sure Cinderella felt better
• 41:34
  helping the mice and protecting them from the
• 41:37
  cat. I'm sure she did. The payoff is so much
• 41:42
  greater, and I've seen this over and over again
• 41:44
  throughout the years. What you give comes back
• 41:47
  tenfold. And when you can reach outside of yourself
• 41:51
  and help others, you get help yourself. I think
• 41:58
  to some degree it really helps us to break free
• 42:01
  from the inclination we might have to wallow.
• 42:04
  Because there's also this interesting difference
• 42:08
  in line between needing to feel the emotions
• 42:13
  of a situation that we encounter because we need
• 42:15
  to feel them. But then there's a crossover. to
• 42:19
  where it then just becomes wallowing and we can't
• 42:22
  pull ourselves out of that wallowing or that
• 42:23
  depression. And so it's this balance of like,
• 42:27
  where is that crossover? Where, okay, we need
• 42:30
  to experience it and now we need to find a way
• 42:32
  to move on. And I think when somebody can find
• 42:35
  that right place, one of the ways to do it is
• 42:37
  by serving others. And again, I don't know exactly
• 42:40
  why that is, but I think like you've said it,
• 42:42
  you're thinking outside yourself, you're thinking
• 42:43
  about somebody else. And when you're serving
• 42:45
  somebody else, you get... you get certain feelings
• 42:48
  of joy and happiness because you are serving
• 42:52
  somebody else, which helps us to kind of move
• 42:55
  past that difficult thing we're feeling, those
• 42:58
  difficult emotions that we're feeling. Not that
• 43:01
  we're trying to stamp them out, but we've experienced
• 43:04
  them, we felt them, and now we can move to the
• 43:07
  next phase. How did you find that line between
• 43:10
  experiencing and accepting that you're going
• 43:14
  to have these emotions? And then finding the
• 43:16
  point where you can move on from those emotions
• 43:20
  in the moment or in the weeks of the month so
• 43:23
  that you can start to feel a bit more of that
• 43:24
  happiness without falling too much into wallowing.
• 43:27
  Yeah. Good question, because it's a fine line
• 43:31
  to know. Are you being depressed and it's impeding
• 43:36
  your progress in life or are you just being authentic
• 43:38
  and feeling your feelings? And I get asked that
• 43:42
  often, and I think, okay, is it impacting your
• 43:45
  day -to -day routine more than a day, more than
• 43:49
  a week? If it is, then you need to look at mental
• 43:53
  health support or other things that can help
• 43:56
  you. And I don't love move on. I like move forward
• 44:00
  because you're never going to move on from someone
• 44:03
  who you love that has gone on. But you can move
• 44:07
  forward. And am I moving forward? And that's
• 44:11
  what I find myself asking myself, you know, am
• 44:14
  I, am I moving forward with the love that they
• 44:19
  deserve? Am I honoring my life because they would
• 44:23
  do anything to have their own, their own life
• 44:27
  still here? You know, like I find like, are we
• 44:29
  taking for granted the days we have? And, yeah,
• 44:33
  that doesn't mean, yeah, I'm a happiness advocate.
• 44:36
  I got to be happy every day, all the time, 24
• 44:38
  -7. No. If you have a bad day, if something tragic
• 44:43
  happens, if you're just not feeling good, you
• 44:47
  know, it's okay to feel those feelings. You bottle
• 44:51
  them up and they're going to come out somewhere
• 44:53
  else, at someone else maybe. You know, you've
• 44:56
  got to work through those, but you also can't
• 44:59
  let it stop you from moving forward. in your
• 45:02
  journey in life. Yeah. So there's a quote I came
• 45:07
  across that I wanted to get your take on. It's
• 45:09
  from Jay Shetty. Oh, I love him. So good. He's
• 45:12
  awesome. And in his eight rules of love, he said
• 45:15
  this, everything we love goes. So to be able
• 45:19
  to grieve that loss, to let go, to have that
• 45:22
  grief be absolutely full is the only way to have
• 45:25
  our heart be full and open. If we're not open
• 45:28
  to losing, we're not open to loving. Yep. I think
• 45:32
  it's a really interesting way to look at it.
• 45:33
  So give me your take on that. Yeah, because if
• 45:35
  people won't take the risk and the chance because
• 45:39
  something bad might happen, you're never going
• 45:41
  to have anything in life that you want. You're
• 45:44
  going to be stuck. And you'll be like living
• 45:48
  in a rock in a dark hole. Like, okay, don't go
• 45:51
  outside. Don't drive your car. Don't chew food
• 45:54
  because you could choke and die. Like, I mean,
• 45:56
  you could don't. You could make a list of all
• 45:59
  the things. Don't take this risk because this
• 46:01
  bad thing can happen. But then you're also stopping
• 46:04
  yourself from all the good things that could
• 46:05
  happen. So, yeah, speaking to loving again, you
• 46:09
  know, getting married again after losing somebody,
• 46:13
  you know, that's it takes courage. It does. Was
• 46:17
  that was that hard? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
• 46:20
  there's a lot of great things. And but, you know,
• 46:24
  it's not easy. chances are most people listening
• 46:28
  are a blended family blended families are hard
• 46:30
  yeah some days it's like it'd be way easier to
• 46:33
  not have blended a family sure but you know what
• 46:35
  is the good outweigh the bad absolutely and um
• 46:40
  you have to you know take that risk because you
• 46:44
  deserve it i remember my late spouse was like
• 46:49
  when i passed to the other side i'm gonna send
• 46:52
  you a black doctor you know and i was just like
• 46:55
  oh really because i was raised on the west side
• 46:59
  of town like i have an inner black lady and i
• 47:02
  just I love like I'm all fabulous that way. I
• 47:06
  love hip hop. I love all the things. And so we
• 47:09
  live in Utah. We're talking here in Utah. So
• 47:12
  I'm just saying there's not a lot of diversity
• 47:14
  here. So I was like, baby, what are the odds
• 47:17
  of that going to be happening in Utah? You know,
• 47:20
  so he was thinking selflessly, like, I want you
• 47:26
  to move forward and have I mean, it was a he
• 47:29
  half joking. Yes. But, you know, it was just
• 47:31
  that. Look at him being selfless instead of being
• 47:34
  like, you're my woman and you better not date
• 47:36
  anybody or love anybody or kiss anybody else.
• 47:38
  You know, like those possessive emotions, you
• 47:41
  know, like he chose like that quote, right? You
• 47:45
  love somebody, you let them go. You want them
• 47:47
  to have the fullness of what their life could
• 47:50
  be. And yeah, it, you know, I think back on that,
• 47:55
  like he wanted my happiness at all times. And
• 47:58
  it's like, I deserve. To honor him, you know,
• 48:03
  he deserves that he deserves for me to have a
• 48:05
  beautiful happy life Because that's what he would
• 48:08
  want and the same for his kids for sure, you
• 48:11
  know and and When when I when I came across this
• 48:15
  quote it struck me in a couple of different ways
• 48:17
  One is is the obvious which is exactly we're
• 48:20
  talking about where somebody actually does pass
• 48:22
  away The other thing that I thought about in
• 48:24
  the context of and this is that means because
• 48:27
  it's my profession what I do is the loss that
• 48:30
  people experience through divorce. Because even
• 48:34
  though you're getting divorced so you're not
• 48:36
  having the great feelings of that person when
• 48:39
  the relationship ends, it's still a grieving
• 48:42
  process of that. And then sometimes people are
• 48:45
  afraid to take that step again because of the
• 48:49
  loss they experienced from that relationship,
• 48:51
  the death of the relationship. and and fearful
• 48:55
  that is a death it is absolutely a death and
• 48:58
  so for you know what advice you have for people
• 49:00
  who you know might not experience the death of
• 49:02
  a spouse maybe go through a divorce and are scared
• 49:05
  about you know what that next step looks like
• 49:09
  scared about inviting love back into their life
• 49:11
  again it's a case -by -case basis so let's just
• 49:18
  say you should never be forced to do something
• 49:20
  that you don't feel comfortable doing And the
• 49:23
  timeline is your own. Grief is not linear. It
• 49:27
  is up and it's down and it's in a circle and
• 49:30
  it's backwards and it's forward. And it's as
• 49:34
  unique as your fingerprint. divorce that death
• 49:40
  of a relationship you definitely have to weigh
• 49:43
  in what's best for you what do you feel is right
• 49:46
  for you and your appropriate timeline and if
• 49:48
  you find you're just scared or you're just apprehensive
• 49:51
  but you know you should and you feel that's good
• 49:54
  for you then um you need to realize you deserve
• 49:58
  to have a beautiful life and it's just a chapter
• 50:03
  and it's not the end of your story And for people
• 50:07
  who make that the end of their stories, that's
• 50:09
  sad. Like, whatever, what movie do you ever watch?
• 50:14
  And it's like, it just, oh, this bad thing happens,
• 50:17
  the end. It's like, come on, no. And I find myself
• 50:21
  saying to my friends, like, one in particular
• 50:23
  that's getting divorced after 20 -something years,
• 50:26
  you know, and it's just like, girl, you're the
• 50:29
  leading lady in your life. Heck no. Get out there.
• 50:35
  And to Wanda, you know, little fried green tomatoes
• 50:38
  quote there, you know, like, so she texts me
• 50:41
  the other day, like, hey, I went and did this
• 50:43
  to Wanda. And I'm like, go, girl. Like, it does
• 50:46
  take courage, but you deserve it. And I'm like,
• 50:49
  this is just a chapter. And you're going to look
• 50:51
  forward to other beautiful chapters and look
• 50:53
  back and be like, wow, I'm glad. And look what
• 50:56
  I learned. And that is so powerful because it's
• 51:00
  so hard to see that when you're in the hard.
• 51:02
  It's so hard. It is like, no way. My life is
• 51:06
  horrible. Like all these things are going wrong.
• 51:08
  How is this going to benefit me at all? But you,
• 51:12
  everything has to come to an end, you know, like
• 51:16
  nothing lasts forever. Like keep moving forward
• 51:19
  and you'll look back and be glad. And if you're
• 51:24
  not glad you're different and you might have
• 51:27
  more grace for somebody. Cause I totally remember.
• 51:33
  Like, you just don't understand. When you haven't
• 51:36
  been through it, you have no clue. And now when
• 51:38
  I hear someone, like, bring up a cancer diagnosis
• 51:41
  or a death, and it's like, oh, my gosh. Like,
• 51:45
  I just instantly, like, have the feels. So you've
• 51:50
  got to move forward. You've got to, if you feel
• 51:53
  it's right for you, you just got to take that
• 51:55
  courage and do it. Yeah. It fits. Where you're
• 52:01
  going with that fits perfectly in line with another
• 52:03
  quote that I found from Brene Brown, who I also
• 52:07
  adore. Owning our story and loving ourselves
• 52:10
  through that process is the bravest thing that
• 52:13
  we'll ever do. What is your take on that? Especially,
• 52:21
  I think, linking to that one that she always
• 52:24
  quotes about the man in the arena that so many
• 52:27
  people love to judge. berate and talk about because
• 52:32
  oh look they're doing it so imperfectly um you
• 52:37
  just you deserve you deserve to move forward
• 52:41
  and have a beautiful life you deserve to um love
• 52:46
  the imperfections that you have you know do i'm
• 52:51
  looking back now you know it's been over a decade
• 52:53
  and i look back and i'm like dang you know like
• 52:56
  i could live in regret even after he passed,
• 52:59
  you know, like, dang, there's some things I wish
• 53:01
  I could go back and change or do differently.
• 53:04
  And I just, I can't get stuck in that mindset.
• 53:09
  So you have to learn and then not get stuck and
• 53:12
  then give yourself grace and move forward because
• 53:16
  you're who you are today because of the choices
• 53:19
  and the experiences you've been through. And
• 53:23
  totally loving, that's hard, especially if you
• 53:26
  live with regret. It's really hard. And how do
• 53:30
  you move forward if you live with regret? People
• 53:34
  get stuck. They do. And I think this is where
• 53:37
  it comes back to for me, the willingness we have
• 53:40
  to serve others and look outside ourselves. Because
• 53:43
  if we experience things that are really hard
• 53:46
  and we just don't understand why we had to experience
• 53:48
  them, I think sometimes that answer is so that
• 53:51
  we can help somebody else too. Sometimes that
• 53:54
  helps us to empathize with somebody else that
• 53:56
  needs someone to listen, a caring hand that can,
• 54:01
  to some degree, understand. Because, like I said,
• 54:04
  life isn't fair. It's just not. It's never going
• 54:08
  to be. And if we can accept that it's not and
• 54:13
  accept that we're going to have really hard things
• 54:15
  that we experience, but we can also help others
• 54:19
  to experience hard things, then it brings us
• 54:21
  some degree of... I think happiness when we get
• 54:24
  to help somebody else. Absolutely. There just
• 54:28
  is something to be said about giving the gift
• 54:33
  of kindness to somebody. We all get on autopilot.
• 54:41
  We've got these busy lives, and we just think
• 54:43
  of our little bubble, and to just pop outside
• 54:46
  of it is uncomfortable and abnormal. Unless you
• 54:52
  are looking for those opportunities, they're
• 54:54
  going to pass you by. So if you're listening
• 54:57
  and you're like, dang, maybe I need to be kinder,
• 54:59
  you know, it's like, okay, put on your kindness
• 55:01
  radar. Beep, beep. You know, like what can you
• 55:04
  do? And when somebody's having a hard time, think,
• 55:07
  oh, maybe I could go out of my way. And like
• 55:11
  one of my favorites is take and bake pizzas.
• 55:14
  Because I don't have to. Oh, Papa Murphy's taking
• 55:16
  back. Yeah, I know. I should get some stock or
• 55:19
  some royalties because there's so many times
• 55:21
  I recommend Papa Murphy's. Like, that's my jam,
• 55:24
  okay? And an employee at my wellness center,
• 55:30
  my spa, she was going through a hard time, like
• 55:33
  extra hard. And her daughter and her, you know,
• 55:36
  ER, hospital visit, like just all the things.
• 55:38
  And so we're covering, doing all the things to
• 55:41
  cover for her. And I just reached out and was
• 55:46
  like, hey, I'm bringing you. And that's another
• 55:49
  thing. You don't ask people, how can I help you?
• 55:51
  They're never going to say, oh, let me tell you
• 55:55
  what you can do. Let me know if you need anything.
• 55:58
  Yeah, they're never going to. Nobody is ever
• 56:00
  going to let you know. And then you're putting
• 56:01
  the burden back on them, too. Like, oh, you have
• 56:04
  to let me know when you need something. And then
• 56:05
  you're putting the burden back on the person
• 56:06
  who needs the help. No, you just have to think.
• 56:07
  And so I said, hey, I'm going to bring you by
• 56:10
  dinner Friday. What's your favorite kind of pizza?
• 56:14
  I didn't say, can I bring you dinner? Maybe I,
• 56:17
  you know, you could say, I'm going to bring it
• 56:19
  by what night is better. Like that's a way to
• 56:21
  propose it to somebody. But it's like, hey, what's
• 56:25
  your favorite kind of pizza? What's your husband's
• 56:27
  favorite kind of pizza? It's not going to take
• 56:30
  any extra effort. I'm just going to go to a take
• 56:32
  and bake so you can cook it whenever you want.
• 56:33
  You know, like there's little ways, even if you're
• 56:36
  so, so, so busy, there's little ways that you
• 56:38
  can listen for the. those that kindness radar
• 56:42
  to go off and how can you just take that 10 15
• 56:45
  20 extra minutes and for me it didn't it wasn't
• 56:49
  that much you know maybe it meant a lot maybe
• 56:51
  it didn't you know she said it was good and it
• 56:54
  was amazing they got a new detroit style crust
• 56:56
  yeah it was bussing so bussing yes is that a
• 57:01
  term i'm supposed to know for the kids these
• 57:02
  days it's bussing all right at our house we have
• 57:04
  a rating is it bussing or discussing Oh, my.
• 57:08
  And if it's buzzing, we make it again. I'm going
• 57:10
  to have to ask my teenagers about this. They're
• 57:12
  like, hold on. They're like, dad, no. That's
• 57:14
  what they always tell me when I come up with
• 57:16
  some phrase. Dad, no. You'll probably get a dad
• 57:19
  no on that one. But we have fun with it. I like
• 57:22
  it. I want to embrace this. My goal in life is
• 57:25
  to just embarrass my children, right? Oh, 100%.
• 57:28
  I said, why be normal when you can be awesome?
• 57:31
  Okay, I like that. That is like our tagline.
• 57:33
  That's a good tagline. I sing the awesome part.
• 57:36
  Be normal. You can be awesome. See, that's the
• 57:39
  way to do it. That's the way to do it. I have
• 57:40
  a terrible singing voice, and yet I do things
• 57:42
  like that all the time because I'm just having
• 57:44
  fun, you know? You gotta have fun, especially
• 57:46
  with my kids. That was one of the gifts I did
• 57:47
  not get was song. Same. Girl, same. I'm a terrible
• 57:52
  singer. It's the worst. I wish I could sing.
• 57:54
  Except when I'm in the car and I turn the radio
• 57:55
  up real loud. I am so good. Oh, yeah. It's amazing.
• 57:59
  Shania Twain. Oh, is that your jam? There we
• 58:01
  go, man. See, if I crank a little like, I want
• 58:04
  it that way, Backstreet Boys. and it's really
• 58:06
  loud, I could be the sixth Backstreet Boy. Just
• 58:10
  right there with them. It's amazing. So there's
• 58:14
  another one that I have in the quote that I have
• 58:15
  that I think fits really well with this. And
• 58:18
  this is from Tony Robbins. And he says, it is
• 58:22
  not what we get, but who we become, what we contribute
• 58:26
  that gives meaning to our lives. And a lot of
• 58:30
  that's what I was hearing with some of the things
• 58:33
  that you've done. with the grief that you had
• 58:35
  which is you're identifying and seeing things
• 58:38
  that other people need you're choosing to find
• 58:42
  growth in yourself for things that you can grow
• 58:45
  and learn from and if you have setbacks then
• 58:48
  you know take an approach again and try to learn
• 58:50
  from it and and to me that it's what he says
• 58:53
  it's that that's what gives meaning when we can
• 58:55
  grow and we can contribute when we can do something
• 58:57
  for others then we have meaning in our lives
• 58:59
  um and so for you what what do you see as What
• 59:04
  is the contribution that you want to make to
• 59:07
  others? And what have you learned about yourself
• 59:09
  through experiencing this unfair tragedy? What
• 59:15
  have I learned about myself? I think that I am
• 59:19
  courageous and I am kind. And I am able to handle
• 59:27
  a lot of unfair, hard things. With grace. Was
• 59:36
  it like this in the beginning? No. It took a
• 59:39
  lot of times that life has dealt me a plate that
• 59:44
  I didn't want to eat to get to this point. But
• 59:49
  I am really grateful and I admire that in myself
• 59:53
  that I know I'm a kind, good person. And I feel
• 59:56
  like I'm thoughtful because of what I've gone
• 1:00:00
  through. And I'm able to have that level of compassion
• 1:00:05
  and empathy. And I often say, you know, I have
• 1:00:09
  a lot of thank yous to cancer. Thank you for
• 1:00:12
  making me who I am. And thank you for what you've
• 1:00:17
  taught me. Because I would never have the perspective
• 1:00:21
  that I have now without cancer. And I am so grateful
• 1:00:27
  for the life that I have. and the health that
• 1:00:31
  i have and i mean the perspective that that tragedy
• 1:00:35
  has subsequently you know it just ripples into
• 1:00:38
  every almost every aspect of my whole life in
• 1:00:42
  a good way and that's i mean that's the thing
• 1:00:49
  that's really hard for people to do at times
• 1:00:50
  is look at look at and change the narrative of
• 1:00:54
  what that story is but when we do And we can
• 1:00:58
  do some really great things for others and also
• 1:01:00
  for ourselves. Not easy. Not easy. Super hard
• 1:01:03
  thing to do. Okay, so here's the last quote I
• 1:01:06
  have, which is from Cinderella. It's a lovely
• 1:01:08
  one. No matter how your heart is grieving, if
• 1:01:12
  you keep on believing, the dream that you wish
• 1:01:15
  will come true. Quintessential. Right? It's just
• 1:01:19
  like so perfectly that. So what's the dream that
• 1:01:24
  you keep believing that you will? That you want
• 1:01:28
  to one day come true. What's the dream that you're
• 1:01:30
  striving after that you're chasing? I think showing
• 1:01:36
  up every day and giving my all and giving gratitude
• 1:01:41
  and helping others. Yeah, I love it. It's impact,
• 1:01:47
  right? You're having impact on others, helping
• 1:01:51
  them through their difficult seasons, helping
• 1:01:54
  them through what they're experiencing um they
• 1:01:58
  know they're not alone absolutely and if you
• 1:02:00
  can get to that point where you could see the
• 1:02:03
  lesson in in the trauma then you're able to help
• 1:02:09
  teach others in their trauma and their hard spots
• 1:02:12
  like hey you know i remember like that friend
• 1:02:15
  i just talked about that was going through divorce
• 1:02:16
  you know it's like you don't know fast forward
• 1:02:21
  five ten years you don't know who you're gonna
• 1:02:23
  help because you've done this hard thing And,
• 1:02:27
  you know, I'm so proud of you. You should be
• 1:02:29
  proud of yourself. And, you know, you don't know
• 1:02:33
  what, you know, whether fast forward 10, 15 years,
• 1:02:36
  you're going to have a kid deal with the same
• 1:02:37
  thing. Or you might have, you know, a neighbor,
• 1:02:40
  an acquaintance. You know, it's like, do we ever
• 1:02:42
  want to choose any of these tragedies? No, no
• 1:02:45
  way. But if it's dealt to us, we have to be able
• 1:02:50
  to figure out what to do with it. And are we
• 1:02:53
  going to be bitter and angry and upset and let
• 1:02:58
  it ruin our life because we're living in the
• 1:03:01
  past and thinking about how unfair it is? Or
• 1:03:04
  are we going to use that and help it propel us
• 1:03:06
  to have a great life? And my dream is that my
• 1:03:12
  children will see their happiness too throughout
• 1:03:15
  their life and my posterity and just that ripple
• 1:03:20
  effect of those. people that i'm around and i've
• 1:03:24
  been told you know well i know i can do it because
• 1:03:27
  you can and to me like you know that brings tears
• 1:03:31
  to my eyes because it makes it not that it's
• 1:03:36
  worth it but it it validates the the trauma you
• 1:03:41
  know validates the hard and it's like hey if
• 1:03:44
  i could go through that and it helps somebody
• 1:03:48
  And I remember one time because when Clint was
• 1:03:51
  going through treatment, I like went to social
• 1:03:54
  media because, you know, so many people were
• 1:03:56
  like, oh, hey, how's he doing? How is he doing?
• 1:03:59
  You know, and I just got sick of saying the same
• 1:04:01
  thing over and over. Right. So I just thought,
• 1:04:04
  you know what, I'm going to post it, you know,
• 1:04:05
  post with updates. And to that, it was for our
• 1:04:09
  immediate friends and family and, you know, whoever
• 1:04:11
  else in the little community. Well, before long,
• 1:04:14
  it got larger than just the community. People
• 1:04:16
  were sharing it. And I remember someone through
• 1:04:21
  when Clint was still alive, but someone reached
• 1:04:23
  out and sent a private message and said that
• 1:04:27
  they wrote Clint's name on a pack of cigarettes.
• 1:04:30
  And every time, and Clint was my late spouse.
• 1:04:34
  That was his name. And every time they went to
• 1:04:37
  smoke, they looked at his name. And they quit
• 1:04:40
  smoking. And, you know, she's like, I don't know
• 1:04:44
  you. I've never met you guys. I don't know how.
• 1:04:48
  You know, I just saw something somebody shared
• 1:04:51
  one day. And I've been following along for, you
• 1:04:53
  know, years. And I just want you to know what
• 1:04:56
  a difference you made in my life. Even though
• 1:04:59
  I don't know you, you've changed my life. And
• 1:05:02
  that is the power. of sharing and being vulnerable
• 1:05:08
  when you're going through hard instead of just,
• 1:05:11
  oh, you know, just suck it up. Don't just pretend
• 1:05:14
  everything's okay. You know, like that there's
• 1:05:17
  a disservice to others in that because when you
• 1:05:20
  can be vulnerable and you can share what you're
• 1:05:21
  going through, it helps others. And that's what
• 1:05:25
  all life is about is helping others. You know,
• 1:05:29
  true to the vein of everything we've talked about
• 1:05:32
  today, you know, like the thread. If you pull
• 1:05:35
  the thread, it's how can you help others because
• 1:05:37
  that is where true joy lies. I think to your
• 1:05:40
  point, you know, life is not meant to be lived
• 1:05:43
  alone. You know, we're here and we're social
• 1:05:48
  creatures. You know, we're meant to live life
• 1:05:51
  with other people and living life with other
• 1:05:53
  people. Our lives are enhanced by the relationships
• 1:05:56
  and the friendships and the people that we're
• 1:05:59
  around. And so when we can have a positive influence
• 1:06:01
  on the other people that we're around. it makes
• 1:06:04
  our life better it makes their life better and
• 1:06:06
  that's really to me part of the joys of life
• 1:06:09
  is how we can as social creatures help and support
• 1:06:13
  each other through difficult times to find more
• 1:06:16
  joy that's so true and when it shares the power
• 1:06:19
  of perspective when you share what you're going
• 1:06:22
  through and you're vulnerable that perspective
• 1:06:24
  you don't know the ripple effect that that'll
• 1:06:27
  have on people and perspective brings happiness
• 1:06:30
  too because how you know look at it you could
• 1:06:33
  write a list of all your problems and then you
• 1:06:35
  could write a list of all the blessings that
• 1:06:37
  you have. And there's people that are just praying
• 1:06:41
  that their lives could be your problems. Sure.
• 1:06:49
  You know? Yeah. I mean, it's true when you think
• 1:06:51
  about this, people, people would do anything
• 1:06:53
  for your problems for sure. And that's, that's
• 1:06:57
  a one to chew on. No doubt. People are praying
• 1:07:02
  for your biggest things. I'm grateful now. I
• 1:07:09
  am so grateful for what I have. We bought a house
• 1:07:14
  that wasn't supposed to be a fixer -upper and
• 1:07:16
  it ended up being a fixer -upper. And I find
• 1:07:20
  myself having to dig in and use my power of positivity
• 1:07:24
  quite often the last year. Sure. Let's just say
• 1:07:27
  some sketchy people and there's nothing we could
• 1:07:32
  do because they were about about a month away
• 1:07:35
  from foreclosing on their house. And so, you
• 1:07:39
  know, standing water and black mold in the basement
• 1:07:41
  after we get the key like it's been nasty. And
• 1:07:45
  so like we have had so many things happen. And
• 1:07:48
  if you're listening to this, I'm sitting here
• 1:07:51
  smiling because I just we just. have to laugh
• 1:07:55
  to not cry. Like, my mom the other day is like,
• 1:07:59
  everything breaks at your house. And I mean,
• 1:08:01
  it literally was only built in 2015. Like, it's
• 1:08:04
  not that old of a house. It's not like I bought
• 1:08:06
  an 1894 house. Like, it is crazy. And it's just,
• 1:08:12
  you know, whatever. Like, at least our pet's
• 1:08:15
  heads aren't falling off. Like, look at our cute
• 1:08:18
  dogs and have a house and have, you know, at
• 1:08:22
  least we have a house and we have... like i just
• 1:08:25
  look at all the things that i do have because
• 1:08:28
  if you focus on the bad oh man i could be depressed
• 1:08:32
  i could have if you stood in front of a judge
• 1:08:35
  today with me and i laid out all the reasons
• 1:08:38
  why i am going to not be happy the rest of my
• 1:08:40
  life the judge would be like agreed okay sounds
• 1:08:44
  good i can i rule in her favor she can be depressed
• 1:08:47
  the rest of her life you know like it is so valid
• 1:08:50
  like i i could i have all right to be Bitter,
• 1:08:54
  honorable, bitter, ornery, and miserable. But
• 1:09:00
  I'm not going to do that. You get to make a different
• 1:09:02
  choice. Why? Why would I do that? No, it doesn't
• 1:09:04
  feel good. It doesn't feel good to sit and live
• 1:09:07
  that kind of life. And I know we all know people
• 1:09:10
  like that. Do you want to be around those people?
• 1:09:13
  No. No, it's hard. No. Do you want to be the
• 1:09:17
  stepmoms and the evil stepsisters? No. No, that's
• 1:09:22
  not at all what you want to be. No. But sometimes
• 1:09:24
  we have those tendencies, right? But we can't.
• 1:09:27
  It doesn't serve us. It doesn't serve the greater
• 1:09:30
  purpose at all. And true joy is being able to
• 1:09:34
  look at what you do have and be happy with it.
• 1:09:37
  If you can't be happy with what you have, you're
• 1:09:39
  never going to be happy with more. Exactly right.
• 1:09:43
  Well, okay. So now I want to take it to a little
• 1:09:44
  fun segment. Okay, good. Okay, you good for that?
• 1:09:46
  You ready for that? Yeah, I got my tissue. We
• 1:09:49
  got the tissue. We're ready. So this segment
• 1:09:51
  is this or that segment. So, you know, just whichever
• 1:09:54
  one you choose to go with and be prepared to
• 1:09:57
  defend a controversial pick if that so happens
• 1:10:00
  to be the case. No, it won't be like that. Okay,
• 1:10:03
  so here's the first one. Glass slipper or enchanted
• 1:10:07
  pumpkin carriage? I would say glass slipper.
• 1:10:12
  Okay. Fairy godmother or Prince Charming? Prince
• 1:10:17
  Charming. Okay. Grand ballroom or cozy cottage
• 1:10:21
  kitchen? Cozy cottage kitchen. Oh, okay. You
• 1:10:25
  like the cozy. Okay. Midnight magic or sunrise
• 1:10:30
  fresh start? Oh, midnight. Midnight all the way.
• 1:10:33
  I'm such a night person. No, I'm not a morning
• 1:10:35
  person at all. Dancing in a ball gown or running
• 1:10:39
  barefoot through the garden? Ooh. Dang, that's
• 1:10:43
  hard. I'm going to go with both on that one.
• 1:10:46
  Oh, I have to do one? You got to do one or the
• 1:10:47
  other. Okay, I'd say the ballroom, because as
• 1:10:49
  a mom, we don't get dressed up fancy very often.
• 1:10:52
  Oh, say everyone wants to buy you a little fancy.
• 1:10:53
  I'm with you. Yeah, I'm with you. Okay, of the
• 1:10:57
  two mice, and see, now I'm going to get this
• 1:10:59
  name wrong, because I wrote it down, but I don't
• 1:11:01
  know how to pronounce it, because now I'm not
• 1:11:02
  remembering how to say it. But I want to say
• 1:11:04
  it's Jacques or Gus. Gus, Gus, and Jacques. Yeah,
• 1:11:07
  so Gus, Gus, or Jacques. Oh, Gus Gus. All the
• 1:11:10
  way, man. His cheese. Walking with all those
• 1:11:13
  cheese wedges. I was always a big Gus Gus fan.
• 1:11:16
  Oh, it's so cute. From the time I was little
• 1:11:17
  and first saw it, Gus Gus was my favorite in
• 1:11:19
  the whole show. Mine too. Love Gus Gus. Car road
• 1:11:23
  trip. Yes. With my aunt. My sister's in the front.
• 1:11:26
  I'm in the back. And I'm the baby of the family.
• 1:11:28
  And I kept saying. A happy birthday. Yes. And
• 1:11:33
  my sisters, after about 50 times, my sisters,
• 1:11:36
  because I love Cinderella. I have since I was
• 1:11:38
  little. You know, they're like, come out. Shut
• 1:11:40
  up. And I'm just like, a happy birthday. And
• 1:11:45
  I had my Barbies. Oh, yeah. Gus Gus is for sure.
• 1:11:49
  100%. He's amazing. He's absolutely fantastic.
• 1:11:52
  All right. Movie night on the couch or night
• 1:11:55
  out on the town? Night out on the town. Okay.
• 1:12:00
  You've been an extrovert or just sometimes it's
• 1:12:02
  nice to go out? I definitely am extrovert for
• 1:12:06
  sure. But I do love to fat dog. That's what we
• 1:12:09
  call it. We fat dogging it, laying on your couch
• 1:12:11
  like a fat dog. Oh, I mean, for sure. Fat dog
• 1:12:13
  nights are really appropriate, but they're more
• 1:12:15
  often than not. So I would say it'd be fun. If
• 1:12:18
  I had to pick, I'd say, hey, let's get up. Yeah,
• 1:12:21
  I like a good mix of the two. Yeah. Because there's
• 1:12:22
  definitely times where like. I just want to chill
• 1:12:25
  on the couch. I just want to watch a show. Just
• 1:12:27
  put something on. Watch a good Disney movie.
• 1:12:29
  Bat -dogging. Bat -dogging it. All right. The
• 1:12:32
  last this or that. This is an important one.
• 1:12:35
  We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. Disneyland or
• 1:12:38
  Disney World? Land. Land. Are you kidding me?
• 1:12:41
  There's not even in the same ballpark. Not even
• 1:12:43
  in the same arena. I think for people who grew
• 1:12:46
  up going to Disneyland, that's going to almost
• 1:12:49
  always be the answer because there's the nostalgia
• 1:12:51
  for Disneyland, especially for us more out west.
• 1:12:53
  I think for people who maybe grew up east and
• 1:12:56
  went to Disney World, that became their nostalgic
• 1:12:58
  place. But I grew up going to Disneyland. So
• 1:13:00
  for me, of course, it's Disneyland. Disneyland.
• 1:13:02
  All the way, people. Okay. I'll take that to
• 1:13:05
  the grave. Let me throw a curveball at you then.
• 1:13:07
  Disneyland or Disney California Adventure? Land.
• 1:13:11
  Still Disneyland? Land. Absolutely. If you had
• 1:13:14
  a three -day hopper. No, not a three -day hopper.
• 1:13:17
  Always get the three -day hopper. If you had
• 1:13:18
  a three -day that was not a hopper. Oh, dang.
• 1:13:20
  So two days had to be in one and one in the other.
• 1:13:22
  Which one's the two? Two Disneyland, absolutely.
• 1:13:24
  I think we've become, because my kids are at
• 1:13:27
  the age, I think we've become two days at California
• 1:13:29
  Adventure. I know. What? It's because so many
• 1:13:32
  of the new rides they've done are so good. Like,
• 1:13:34
  we love the Guardians ride there. We love the
• 1:13:37
  Spider -Man. Did you hear that? Don't tell me
• 1:13:39
  that. They're changing Guardians back to the
• 1:13:41
  Tower of Terror. I thought that was an April
• 1:13:42
  Fool's joke when I read it. Really? That's what
• 1:13:45
  I thought. Now, we're going to have to research
• 1:13:48
  this and find out. I sure hope it doesn't. Because
• 1:13:51
  I love the change. Behind the scenes, please
• 1:13:52
  check on that, please. I love the change. I thought
• 1:13:54
  that Guardians was so fun. I do love Guardians.
• 1:13:56
  But, yeah, we've just started really loving that.
• 1:13:59
  My youngest, who's now six, she just barely turned
• 1:14:02
  six, Monsters, the Monsters ride, is like her
• 1:14:05
  favorite. Web Slingers, come on. Web Slingers
• 1:14:08
  is good. That is so fun. It is a blast. And even
• 1:14:11
  she can do it. Like she'll get up there and she's
• 1:14:13
  just like rock and roll. My 10 -year -old daughter,
• 1:14:15
  she loves web singers. And she's actually really
• 1:14:18
  good. Even grandmas can do that too. Totally.
• 1:14:20
  That's what I love. Totally. So there's some
• 1:14:22
  rides that are really fun. I'd prefer a four
• 1:14:24
  -day pass, so there's two at each. That's what
• 1:14:26
  I prefer, right, if I really got to choose. Okay,
• 1:14:29
  here's our rapid fire. So this is just the first
• 1:14:31
  one that comes to your mind. Okay. Probably a
• 1:14:33
  lot of Disney -related stuff, but we're going
• 1:14:35
  to see where it goes, okay? Favorite Disney movie.
• 1:14:40
  Oh, gosh. How can you choose? It's like choosing
• 1:14:42
  your kids. Which one's your favorite? Right now,
• 1:14:44
  I do have a favorite kid, though. So, let's see.
• 1:14:50
  Dang it. Does it have to be cartoon or regular?
• 1:14:54
  I'm going to say, I'm going to go super old school.
• 1:14:56
  I'm going to go Snow White. Okay, you're going
• 1:14:59
  the original. OG. Straight up OG. We're not even
• 1:15:03
  going to talk about the other one. OG Snow White.
• 1:15:07
  That new one wasn't my favorite. Favorite Disney
• 1:15:09
  song? Whistle Why You Work. If it's in my wheelhouse,
• 1:15:15
  right? We'll see if this next one falls in line.
• 1:15:19
  Favorite Disney princess? I would say either
• 1:15:25
  Tangled. Do I have to pick just one? That's so
• 1:15:28
  hard. It's very hard. Rapunzel's a great one.
• 1:15:32
  She's awesome. I would go Rapunzel. That frying
• 1:15:36
  pan, she rocks it. She does. My daughter just
• 1:15:41
  turned six. She turned six while I was actually
• 1:15:43
  out of town on a work trip. So we're doing her
• 1:15:46
  birthday party next week. And we're definitely
• 1:15:49
  bringing Rapunzel. We're definitely hiring Rapunzel
• 1:15:52
  to come in. She better have a frying pan. She
• 1:15:55
  better have a frying pan and she better sing.
• 1:15:57
  Because I like it when they sing. They don't
• 1:15:58
  sing. I'm like, come on, I want the songs, right?
• 1:16:00
  I like the songs. Okay, favorite Disney villain?
• 1:16:04
  Ooh, I would say Maleficent. Such a good one.
• 1:16:08
  That's a really popular one, too, for villains.
• 1:16:11
  She's a very popular villain. She's epic. She
• 1:16:13
  is. I mean, come on. She turns into a huge dragon.
• 1:16:16
  Yeah, pretty cool. Okay, favorite food at Disneyland?
• 1:16:21
  Oh, this is going to be a hard hill to die on.
• 1:16:23
  Let's see. Gosh dang. I can't pick just one.
• 1:16:27
  The popcorn is magical. There's just something
• 1:16:30
  about Disneyland popcorn. It just tastes magical.
• 1:16:34
  Okay, corndogs. Garlic cheese pretzel bun. Corndogs
• 1:16:38
  are what my wife loves. She loves their corndogs.
• 1:16:40
  They're so good. Although we had one during the
• 1:16:43
  Oogie Boogie Bash one time and they put black
• 1:16:47
  food coloring in it and they must have done something
• 1:16:49
  different with it too. It was disgusting. Which
• 1:16:52
  was super disappointing because normally it's
• 1:16:53
  like the best corndog ever. If I had to pick
• 1:16:55
  one meal in Disneyland. Okay, let's hear it.
• 1:16:57
  Monte Cristo, hands down. Really? Where at? Where
• 1:17:00
  do you get that at? Cafe Orleans or the Blue
• 1:17:03
  Bayou. Oh, they have it at the Blue Bayou. I
• 1:17:06
  guess they would have it at the Blue Bayou. Cafe
• 1:17:07
  Orleans or the Blue Bayou. And if you have gone
• 1:17:10
  recently, within the last year, there is a walk
• 1:17:14
  -up. of Monte Cristo sandwich. You can order
• 1:17:16
  right where you get the bread bowls and soups.
• 1:17:20
  It comes in a little cardboard square thing and
• 1:17:23
  it's like two wedges. Or maybe one. I don't know.
• 1:17:27
  But it's a smaller portion of a Monte Cristo.
• 1:17:30
  Hot dog. And that's like my fave. Have you ever
• 1:17:35
  had the beignets? Yeah, but I'm not a fan. So
• 1:17:39
  do you not like beignets in general? No. I've
• 1:17:42
  had beignets at Café du Monde in New Orleans.
• 1:17:45
  Those are good beignets. Have you had the beignets
• 1:17:47
  in downtown Disney? Yes, they're better than
• 1:17:51
  the ones in Disney. The ones in New Orleans Square
• 1:17:54
  that are shaped like a Mickey. They're not good.
• 1:17:55
  Mediocre. They're totally mid. But the mint juleps
• 1:17:58
  there. The mint juleps are luscious. That's true.
• 1:18:00
  Luscious. Yes, they are good. I've realized.
• 1:18:04
  drinks that have a little bit of mint in them
• 1:18:06
  i've become a big fan of because i i don't drink
• 1:18:08
  alcohol yeah and so one time when we were in
• 1:18:11
  mexico at an all -inclusive resort i started
• 1:18:13
  getting um virgin mojitos oh my goodness like
• 1:18:17
  i love them now i'm like yes give me a virgin
• 1:18:20
  mojito anywhere i go this little mint in there
• 1:18:22
  which is like deliciousness so mint julep's right
• 1:18:25
  in that vein i love me a mint julep there it's
• 1:18:27
  fantastic um Okay, besides Cinderella, because
• 1:18:32
  maybe Cinderella would have been an answer, or
• 1:18:34
  maybe not, what Disney character do you relate
• 1:18:36
  to most? What Disney character do I relate to
• 1:18:42
  most? Dang. I know, it's hard. I'm coming at
• 1:18:47
  you with hard questions here. Come on, man. We
• 1:18:49
  don't go easy questions in our rapid fire. I
• 1:18:56
  don't know, Ryan. Oh, wow. You didn't prepare
• 1:19:02
  me with this one. I already picked Cinderella.
• 1:19:04
  Well, you could go with Cinderella. Okay, I thought
• 1:19:06
  long and hard about this movie theme. So I would
• 1:19:10
  have to stick with, like, I mean, each one deals
• 1:19:12
  with super unfair hard things. For sure. But
• 1:19:15
  let's just say when I go to cancer camps or help
• 1:19:17
  in a nonprofit, my nickname is Snow White. i
• 1:19:20
  have dark hair light skin oh okay so that is
• 1:19:23
  like some people's and some of them you don't
• 1:19:25
  even know your first names you just know your
• 1:19:27
  nicknames so sometimes people are like snow white
• 1:19:29
  and i'll be like yeah you got it um i have dressed
• 1:19:32
  up as her on halloween on multiple occasions
• 1:19:34
  i do have snow white dress like i do love snow
• 1:19:37
  white yeah so so either snow white or cinderella
• 1:19:41
  those are good answers those are good answers
• 1:19:43
  um well what uh what we always like to do at
• 1:19:46
  the end of every episode is we like to end with
• 1:19:48
  three actionable takeaways. So three very specific
• 1:19:52
  things that somebody could put into effect and
• 1:19:55
  take action on in their life today or this week,
• 1:19:59
  specifically relating to whatever topic it is
• 1:20:02
  that we talked about. So for you, what are three
• 1:20:05
  very specific things that somebody could do this
• 1:20:07
  week in their lives to... Overcome grief or find
• 1:20:14
  more hope amidst those things or help somebody
• 1:20:18
  else going through a hard season in life. Yeah.
• 1:20:21
  I would write down what you have that you love
• 1:20:26
  or that your blessings are or that you're grateful
• 1:20:29
  for. And number one, write that down. What do
• 1:20:34
  you have that is going for you? And repeat when
• 1:20:39
  you get depressed. Go back to number one and
• 1:20:42
  look at that. Two would be to find that happiness
• 1:20:47
  radar that we talked about. You know, turn that
• 1:20:49
  on and tune in a little bit more this week. You
• 1:20:54
  know, what's one thing that you can go out of
• 1:20:57
  your bubble and do for somebody else? And three
• 1:21:02
  is give yourself grace. Absolutely. You know,
• 1:21:06
  don't beat yourself up this week. Don't think
• 1:21:07
  about. That you're too fat or that you're not
• 1:21:10
  fast or that you don't have this or that you
• 1:21:12
  don't have that. Like, love who you are and be
• 1:21:16
  grateful for you. Those are terrific. Yeah. Those
• 1:21:19
  are absolutely terrific. Number four, book a
• 1:21:20
  trip to Disneyland and eat a Monte Cristo. And
• 1:21:23
  then get a Harbor Galley chocolate chip cookie.
• 1:21:25
  Oh, my goodness. Well, that's going to be number
• 1:21:27
  one on my list. I have ate my feelings so many
• 1:21:29
  times. So let's just say. I've been dying to
• 1:21:32
  get back to Disneyland. I love Disneyland food
• 1:21:34
  so much. There's so much good there. I revolve
• 1:21:36
  my schedule around what I want to eat, and we
• 1:21:39
  eat our way through the parks. Now, I will say
• 1:21:42
  I was disappointed I didn't hear churro anywhere
• 1:21:44
  in that mix. Okay, there is a churro. It's magical.
• 1:21:46
  They're amazing. It's just a given. You have
• 1:21:49
  to eat at least three churros a day. You do,
• 1:21:51
  right? You do. I can't eat a churro anywhere
• 1:21:54
  else. Why is it not good anywhere but Disneyland?
• 1:21:57
  Either it's like gooey on the inside still somewhere
• 1:22:00
  else or that I'm always just like, I wish I was
• 1:22:02
  at Disneyland. Yeah, exactly. Someone the other
• 1:22:04
  day was like, Costco's churros are so good. And
• 1:22:06
  I was like, okay, maybe I need to try it again.
• 1:22:09
  And then I was like, ew. Of course my 15 -year
• 1:22:13
  -old ate it, but I was like, no. So yeah, there
• 1:22:15
  you go. See, my whole family loves them, too,
• 1:22:17
  so whenever we get them, we have to get one for
• 1:22:19
  everybody because no one will share any more
• 1:22:21
  either. They have to all have their own, which
• 1:22:24
  I can appreciate. Okay, the raspberry macaron
• 1:22:26
  as well is so good. I love macarons. Have you
• 1:22:30
  had the raspberry macaron? I don't know that
• 1:22:33
  I had the raspberry one. It's right in Disneyland
• 1:22:36
  when you walk in. On Main Street? Yes. Is it
• 1:22:40
  on the left -hand side? Well, you can do the
• 1:22:43
  mobile order. You can walk up and get it. I don't
• 1:22:46
  remember the name of it, but you can get the
• 1:22:48
  Berea grilled cheese there, and you can also
• 1:22:51
  order the raspberry macaron. That's one that
• 1:22:54
  I believe, unless I'm mistaken, I believe that
• 1:22:56
  my niece, Danica's daughter, Boston, that's like
• 1:23:02
  her favorite. The raspberry macaron? Yeah. She's
• 1:23:04
  on a mission right now in Chile, but that's like
• 1:23:06
  her thing. Yeah, it's so good. I had one that
• 1:23:08
  was the little pop -up temporary ones they do
• 1:23:11
  at California Adventure. It was like a Snickers
• 1:23:14
  macaron that was shaped like Mickey. It was divine.
• 1:23:18
  Yum. Yeah, delicious. I'm a foodie. I could just
• 1:23:20
  eat, like, all day long there. And when they
• 1:23:22
  pop up, like, the food tents down the downtown,
• 1:23:26
  no, in the California Adventure, when they put
• 1:23:30
  all the, like, little trucks out, it's like the
• 1:23:32
  food tasting. It's like, oh. Yeah, it's a good
• 1:23:34
  time. You guys go on rides. I'm just going to
• 1:23:37
  eat my way down the street. You are definitely
• 1:23:39
  a Disneyland person, but I got to ask you, have
• 1:23:41
  you been to Epcot? I have. I do love that. Because
• 1:23:43
  they've got great food there. And let's just
• 1:23:45
  rewind on your question, Disneyland versus Disney
• 1:23:48
  World. Yes. If you have seven or more days, go
• 1:23:53
  to Disney World. If you have less than that,
• 1:23:56
  go to Disneyland. It's hard to do otherwise.
• 1:23:57
  Because it's just so overwhelming having born
• 1:24:00
  and raised, growing up to Disneyland, going to
• 1:24:03
  Disney World and only having, you know, four
• 1:24:05
  days or whatever. It's like... what i it's such
• 1:24:09
  a disservice to myself like i felt like well
• 1:24:11
  i'm missing so much because it's so huge and
• 1:24:13
  it's so hard to get all that square footage yeah
• 1:24:15
  and you can't do two parts in one day no it's
• 1:24:17
  impossible we tried doing that once we tried
• 1:24:19
  doing um animal kingdom and disney hollywood
• 1:24:22
  studios in the same day it didn't work because
• 1:24:24
  you just it's too far away there's too much distance
• 1:24:26
  and it just didn't become a good experience i
• 1:24:28
  remember people on a tram one day they were riding
• 1:24:30
  with saying they were going two weeks and they
• 1:24:33
  were at disney disney world and they had a two
• 1:24:34
  -week pass and i was like holy moly my first
• 1:24:39
  off what what do you do for a living you go two
• 1:24:42
  weeks at disney world but second was like okay
• 1:24:45
  genius i could love that because then you could
• 1:24:47
  take a chill day here or there but then you know
• 1:24:49
  you could see everything and not miss anything
• 1:24:51
  if i was doing that i'd probably have to build
• 1:24:53
  in like two or three days to go to universal
• 1:24:56
  as well Yeah. Because I've never been there.
• 1:24:58
  I've never been to Universal. I haven't been
• 1:25:00
  in Atlanta. Because I go and I'm like, why would
• 1:25:02
  I go to Universal if I could go to Disneyland?
• 1:25:04
  And I think the reason why I would is the dual
• 1:25:06
  Harry Potter land. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Because
• 1:25:08
  I've been to the one in L .A. and it's really
• 1:25:12
  good, but it's just not enough. Yeah. So if I
• 1:25:15
  had the two Harry Potter lands, okay, now it's
• 1:25:18
  probably worth it for me to take a little break
• 1:25:19
  from Disney World, even though. I love Disney
• 1:25:22
  World and Epcot. Epcot's my favorite of all the
• 1:25:24
  Disney World stuff. Yeah, it's really fun. I'm
• 1:25:25
  surprised you didn't ask what my favorite ride
• 1:25:27
  was. What's your favorite ride? Let's hear it.
• 1:25:29
  What's your favorite ride? What's your favorite
• 1:25:30
  ride? At which land? Disneyland. At Disneyland.
• 1:25:33
  In Disneyland, it's probably Rise of the Resistance,
• 1:25:37
  though I really love Mickey's Runaway Railway.
• 1:25:40
  it is so underrated and it's so cute to do with
• 1:25:43
  my daughters like i just there's so much fun
• 1:25:46
  to it yes my friend was going and i was like
• 1:25:49
  go on this ride and she got back and she was
• 1:25:51
  like that was our favorite ride i am so like
• 1:25:53
  my she has a daughter that's nine and then two
• 1:25:56
  older boys 15 18 and she they were kind of like
• 1:25:59
  eye roll you know they went over to toontown
• 1:26:01
  she's like hey camille said let's go on this
• 1:26:03
  ride and They were like, you know, but she's
• 1:26:06
  like, I am so glad you did. Of course, I told
• 1:26:08
  her to get the little donuts or something that
• 1:26:10
  you get right off the ride. It was like one of
• 1:26:11
  my food stops. But I was like, hey, when you
• 1:26:13
  go get that, go on this ride. And she was like,
• 1:26:17
  it was our favorite. It was so good. You walk
• 1:26:20
  out of just feeling fun and singing a little
• 1:26:22
  song that they do in it, right? It is so good.
• 1:26:24
  Okay, mine used to be Splash Mountain. Yes, I
• 1:26:27
  used to. And I just. I don't have good feelings
• 1:26:31
  right now. I don't like Tiana's Bay Adventure.
• 1:26:33
  I don't have that. Hot take, hot take. I think
• 1:26:35
  they did a terrible job. It is horrible. There
• 1:26:36
  is no climax. There's no problem. And it's not
• 1:26:39
  because Princess and the Frog. Because if they
• 1:26:43
  had just followed the story from the movie, it
• 1:26:45
  would fit into it perfectly. The dark magic,
• 1:26:48
  whatever. There's none of that. So I'm sorry.
• 1:26:51
  I'm sorry, Disney Imagineers. I don't mean to
• 1:26:53
  knock on your work. I know you guys do a great
• 1:26:55
  job. I know you do great work. But that is not
• 1:26:58
  my favorite. Oh, I love Splash Mountain so much.
• 1:27:01
  When that came out when I was a kid. It's my
• 1:27:03
  favorite. Oh, I loved it. That's the first one
• 1:27:05
  I wanted to go on. I would go on it as many times
• 1:27:07
  as I could. So Splash Mountain at Disneyland,
• 1:27:09
  but not anymore. What is it now? I would say
• 1:27:12
  Rise. Rise of Resistance. It's not even a ride.
• 1:27:14
  I don't think you can say that's a ride. Yes,
• 1:27:17
  it is a total experience. That's what I told
• 1:27:19
  Bob Weiss. I was visiting with him last week.
• 1:27:21
  He's the former president of Disney Imagineering.
• 1:27:23
  And he had a hand in that. I was like, Bob, that
• 1:27:26
  ride was incredible. It's transformative. It
• 1:27:28
  changed the game. Like, what is a ride? What
• 1:27:34
  they were able to figure out you could do. To
• 1:27:36
  immerse yourself. Yeah, it's a total experience.
• 1:27:37
  Go on that. It's amazing. What's your favorite
• 1:27:39
  at California Adventure? I would have to do Guardians
• 1:27:45
  of the Galaxy. Yeah, that's why I'm really hoping
• 1:27:47
  they don't change it. Now, I love Tower of Terror.
• 1:27:49
  That was my favorite ride before. And so I was
• 1:27:52
  nervous about that, kind of like I was nervous
• 1:27:54
  with Splash Mountain. And then they changed to
• 1:27:56
  Guardians, and I was like, okay, they nailed
• 1:27:57
  it. Like, it's incredible. They made it so fun,
• 1:27:59
  such a great experience. It would be cool if
• 1:28:02
  they could do that tandem, kind of like they
• 1:28:04
  do with the Haunted Mansion, you know, where
• 1:28:06
  they change it out. But I'm sure that's probably
• 1:28:08
  too much. But it would be fun if they could.
• 1:28:11
  Like, certain times of year. But why I feel like
• 1:28:13
  they should just leave it, because they've got
• 1:28:14
  Tower of Terror still at Disney World. And Hollywood
• 1:28:18
  Studios still has it, Tower of Terror. Oh, that's
• 1:28:20
  true. And so I feel like why change? Who goes
• 1:28:22
  to Disney World when you can go to Disneyland?
• 1:28:24
  We already went over this. Touché. Touché. That's
• 1:28:27
  awesome. Well, thank you so much for being on,
• 1:28:30
  sharing your story, being vulnerable with us,
• 1:28:33
  but also having some fun because, you know, life
• 1:28:36
  can still have fun. Yeah, absolutely. As you
• 1:28:40
  lead this conversation, remember that, yes, the
• 1:28:43
  past can hurt. And you can either run from it.
• 1:28:46
  or you can learn from it. So here's to learning
• 1:28:49
  and finding joy in the journey. See you real
• 1:28:52
  soon.