Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 64. 50 Thousand Dollars and a High Powered Sniper Rifle & Quasimodo vs. Leatherface (Feat. Reece Merritt, Comedian)

Transcript

Episode 64. 50 Thousand Dollars and a High Powered Sniper Rifle & Quasimodo vs. Leatherface (Feat. Reece Merritt, Comedian) · High n' Dry Podcast

0:15
SPEAKER_05: See, people say that, but they forget that the Terminator was defeated by a rather unresourceful child.
0:23
SPEAKER_05: You know, I mean the the thing with 80s villains is that their weakness is they just they're going to lose.
0:30
SPEAKER_08: I don't remember anyone being beaten by an unresourceful child.
0:34
SPEAKER_08: Terminator 2.
0:34
SPEAKER_08: I feel like Terminator 2 was beaten by Terminator 1 mostly.
0:38
SPEAKER_08: And the child was just kind of like around for the vast majority of it.
0:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
0:43
SPEAKER_08: Well, I don't know.
0:44
SPEAKER_08: It was just it was a boomer fantasy of like the new model never beats the old model.
0:57
SPEAKER_08: Oh.
0:58
SPEAKER_08: Well, he's an idiot.
0:59
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
0:59
SPEAKER_08: I don't know what to say.
1:01
SPEAKER_08: Don't let him hear this.
1:07
SPEAKER_05: All right.
1:08
SPEAKER_05: Well, uh, I'm ready if you guys are.
1:10
SPEAKER_05: Jump right in.
1:11
SPEAKER_05: All right.
1:12
SPEAKER_05: Uh hey everyone.
1:13
SPEAKER_05: Welcome to High and Dry Podcast.
1:15
SPEAKER_05: What's going on?
1:16
SPEAKER_05: How are you doing?
1:17
SPEAKER_05: You may have been listening to us talk about the Terminator and his various models.
1:20
SPEAKER_05: Don't worry.
1:21
SPEAKER_05: He's not in the fight.
1:22
SPEAKER_05: This week.
1:27
SPEAKER_05: This week, our fight is going to be Quasimodo versus Leatherface.
1:31
SPEAKER_05: Um, but before we get into that, we got some philosophy for you.
1:34
SPEAKER_05: You know how it goes, but uh and before we do that, we gotta get a little drunk and we gotta get a little high.
1:39
SPEAKER_05: Um, we introduce you later.
1:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we introduce you later.
1:44
SPEAKER_05: You know what's going on.
1:45
SPEAKER_08: Shut up and wait for us to do our thing.
1:48
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
1:48
SPEAKER_08: So, uh, James, man, what's going on today?
1:51
SPEAKER_08: How are you doing?
1:52
SPEAKER_08: Uh doing pretty well.
1:53
SPEAKER_08: It's uh it's uh it's a wonderful, windy, overcast day in Vegas.
1:58
SPEAKER_08: It's so nice.
1:59
SPEAKER_05: It's uh it's so nice to have something different happen.
2:02
SPEAKER_08: Other than except instead of the 360 days of sunshine we get in here.
2:08
SPEAKER_05: We're in one of the five of cloudy.
2:12
SPEAKER_05: Now you may have heard of us talking to this dude Reese in the beginning.
2:15
SPEAKER_05: Don't worry, he's not on the show.
2:21
SPEAKER_05: But joining us this week, uh comedian Reese.
2:25
SPEAKER_07: It's been kind of muggy out lately, uh switching between uh you know cloudy and rain a lot.
2:32
SPEAKER_07: Very British.
2:33
SPEAKER_07: That's you know, that's Chicago weather.
2:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
2:40
SPEAKER_07: It sucks.
2:45
SPEAKER_05: Um so uh coming out to Vegas, yeah.
2:49
SPEAKER_07: So everything's still moving on there.
2:50
SPEAKER_07: When's that happening?
2:51
SPEAKER_07: After after I work uh open for uh Kevin Farley in the market on the 13th, I'm going to be uh heading out on the 16th.
3:00
SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
3:01
SPEAKER_03: Very cool.
3:01
SPEAKER_07: Now uh how did that come to be taking that leap of faith?
3:04
SPEAKER_07: I just uh oh the Farley thing.
3:07
SPEAKER_07: No, I mean the Farley thing.
3:08
SPEAKER_07: What do you mean?
3:09
SPEAKER_07: Do you want me to go to the intricacies of comedy book?
3:13
SPEAKER_08: How does booking work?
3:17
SPEAKER_08: Can you go through the process of booking a comedy show?
3:20
SPEAKER_07: This is what aren't people coming here on the humble or Mike Knight 30 years ago.
3:27
SPEAKER_05: Did his car break down in Indiana and he's just been waiting?
3:32
SPEAKER_08: You've got him trapped in the basement, and you're like, I'll let you out if you're let me open it.
3:39
SPEAKER_07: Didn't work out.
3:41
SPEAKER_08: Oh, yeah.
3:42
SPEAKER_07: He did classic perfect man speed out.
3:45
SPEAKER_08: All right, well Taylor's oldest time.
3:48
SPEAKER_05: And that's the market lounge.
3:50
SPEAKER_05: Uh what was the day?
3:51
SPEAKER_05: All right, well, there you go, folks.
3:52
SPEAKER_05: Uh Market Lounge, May 13th.
3:54
SPEAKER_05: Go see uh Farley, go see Reese Merritt.
3:56
SPEAKER_05: We're about to talk to him.
3:57
SPEAKER_05: It's time to get drunk and it's time to get high.
3:59
SPEAKER_05: I'm sick of waiting.
4:00
SPEAKER_08: Uh James, what are you smoking this week?
4:02
SPEAKER_08: Uh this week I have a lovely flower that I'm gonna be smoking called Double Dream.
4:09
SPEAKER_08: Oh, yeah, I don't think you have you ever done that before?
4:11
SPEAKER_08: No, I've never smoked Double Dream on the uh on the old podcast.
4:15
SPEAKER_08: Uh I very rarely do flower because we're in a room together.
4:19
SPEAKER_08: Uh, but this is vaporized, and I've got the window open.
4:22
SPEAKER_08: I'll be blown it out the window.
4:24
SPEAKER_08: All right, all right.
4:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you gotta let us know how that tastes.
4:27
SPEAKER_07: Yes, I am.
4:28
SPEAKER_07: You smoking?
4:29
SPEAKER_07: I've got a uh a cart kind of made myself.
4:32
SPEAKER_07: I've I uh have some Maui Wowie distillate, and I've been combining the terpenes and all that stuff, and it's serving me well.
4:40
SPEAKER_07: So uh yeah.
4:43
SPEAKER_07: It's great.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: All right.
4:45
SPEAKER_07: Put some turf soup in there, all that stuff.
4:47
SPEAKER_07: It's uh I'm liking it.
4:49
SPEAKER_05: All right.
4:50
SPEAKER_05: Cool.
4:50
SPEAKER_05: Cool, yeah.
4:51
SPEAKER_05: No, and I will be joining you as the drunken one.
4:53
SPEAKER_05: Um, I am bringing four roses small batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey.
5:00
SPEAKER_05: Now, something a little special I added to this.
5:02
SPEAKER_05: This is my own personal blend.
5:05
SPEAKER_05: You see, I I I brought it here.
5:07
SPEAKER_05: Uh, not quite.
5:08
SPEAKER_05: This is even better.
5:10
SPEAKER_05: I brought I brought it here on a uh, I think that was Thursday.
5:16
SPEAKER_05: No, was it yes?
5:17
SPEAKER_05: You know, Wednesday.
5:19
SPEAKER_05: I brought it to James's place on a Wednesday, and when I left, I put it in my trunk.
5:23
SPEAKER_05: And so now it's had a cycle.
5:26
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's it's trunk whiskey now.
5:28
SPEAKER_08: It's it's it's been agitated, it's been heated.
5:32
SPEAKER_07: Trunk whiskey is the number one cause of in uh Chicagoland.
5:37
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so trunk whiskey.
5:40
SPEAKER_05: Get you some horoses.
5:43
SPEAKER_05: Get you some.
5:44
SPEAKER_05: I'll let you know how it goes.
5:46
SPEAKER_05: Um, so this first one goes this first one goes out to Carl Urban to share, and our guest this week, Reese Merritt.
5:53
SPEAKER_05: Reese, thank you.
5:55
SPEAKER_08: Thanks for hanging out, Reese.
5:58
SPEAKER_08: Oh, mine's still heating up.
5:59
SPEAKER_08: I may have to do a double on the next one.
6:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, interesting.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: All right, that might be detecting.
6:11
SPEAKER_08: Reese took like a giant only way I do it before I drive.
6:18
SPEAKER_05: How did that one go, Ruth?
6:20
SPEAKER_05: Like, how did it bring us there?
6:22
SPEAKER_05: What was it like?
6:23
SPEAKER_05: What did it taste?
6:24
SPEAKER_05: You did a lot of weird shit with that.
6:25
SPEAKER_05: Our guests want to know how to do it.
6:26
SPEAKER_07: Oh, and don't listen to the expecting.
6:28
SPEAKER_07: No, I I just I just get it in my body.
6:31
SPEAKER_08: The man's just shoving anything he can he can vaporize.
6:37
SPEAKER_08: Shove fire.
6:37
SPEAKER_07: Don't don't don't listen to me.
6:40
SPEAKER_07: Uh no, it very pineapple-y.
6:42
SPEAKER_07: Uh it's it's like uh it's like you shoved a pineapple inside of a skunk and then uh then tried inhaling it.
6:50
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
6:51
SPEAKER_08: Alright.
6:53
SPEAKER_08: Mine is uh mine's pretty mine's pretty chill.
6:56
SPEAKER_08: It's nice and uh it has a little bit of a has a little bit of a roasted taste because you know when you vaporize it's not burning.
7:04
SPEAKER_08: You know, it's it's not actually burning, so it tastes the taste is smoke taste you get from I've got a flower.
7:13
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I love dry herbs.
7:14
SPEAKER_08: Dry herb vapor best.
7:16
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, and so it has a little bit of a roasty but not burnt taste, and then you get and then you get all the like really cool grassy vapors.
7:24
SPEAKER_07: I got the dry herbs some uh some i ice cream cake last night, and it it oh it was like it was like inhaling a pine tree.
7:34
SPEAKER_08: You just shoved an actual ice cream cake into your dry herb cake.
7:39
SPEAKER_07: It's going well.
7:41
SPEAKER_07: Whatever it takes.
7:43
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, I'm uh vaporizing my dessert.
7:48
SPEAKER_07: Mainlining Rocky Ross.
7:50
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
7:52
SPEAKER_08: Your great grandkids will be vaporizing all their pioneer.
8:00
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah, no, and the trunk and the the trunk distilled, um, chunk agitated, chunk flavored.
8:06
SPEAKER_05: Um I think it uh it didn't really change it too much.
8:09
SPEAKER_05: I think we're all right, yeah.
8:11
SPEAKER_05: I think we're good.
8:11
SPEAKER_05: But it's so four roses itself, though, um it's it's pretty solid.
8:16
SPEAKER_05: It's it cost me about 40 bucks for a bottle of the small batch, four roses, and it I would say it's better than a lot of the other$40 brands that you're gonna find easily.
8:30
SPEAKER_05: Like if you if you want uh a whiskey to taste like it's 60 bucks, but you don't you but you want to spend 40?
8:36
SPEAKER_08: I'd go with four roses.
8:37
SPEAKER_08: Excellent.
8:38
SPEAKER_08: Now what if you happen to find whiskey yucky?
8:42
SPEAKER_03: Huh?
8:44
SPEAKER_03: Uh it's an acquired taste.
8:46
SPEAKER_03: Drink more whiskey until you like whiskey, yeah.
8:52
SPEAKER_05: I recommend drinking more whiskey.
8:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna up your dosage to three.
8:56
SPEAKER_05: Fill that out wherever.
8:58
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you can get the head venture local cornerstone.
9:02
SPEAKER_05: So our second hit, second toast, this one goes out to our newest listeners.
9:06
SPEAKER_05: These ones are coming in from Spain in Punta Umbria Ueva.
9:11
SPEAKER_05: They're eating better than less.
9:12
SPEAKER_08: All right.
9:13
SPEAKER_08: Thanks, Punta Umbria.
9:15
SPEAKER_08: Cheers.
9:19
SPEAKER_08: Punta Umbre Umbria would be shady point.
9:24
SPEAKER_08: Well, thank you guys shady point.
9:30
SPEAKER_08: I think that's what I think I think Punta's point.
9:33
SPEAKER_08: That's bitch.
9:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:35
SPEAKER_05: Oh, okay.
9:36
SPEAKER_05: I got you.
9:38
SPEAKER_05: Um all right, so now it's time for our third toast.
9:42
SPEAKER_05: This one is guest toast.
9:43
SPEAKER_05: Reese, what's it to do?
9:44
SPEAKER_07: New beginnings in Las Vegas.
9:46
SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
9:47
SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
9:47
SPEAKER_05: Cheers to that.
9:49
SPEAKER_08: I really enjoyed my new beginning in Las Vegas.
9:52
SPEAKER_08: It was transformative for me.
9:54
SPEAKER_08: I hope it's the same for you.
9:56
SPEAKER_08: It's a good city to uh to recoup and then move on later.
10:02
SPEAKER_07: I get it.
10:02
SPEAKER_07: I just I'm excited.
10:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
10:06
SPEAKER_05: You've been trying to get out here for a while.
10:08
SPEAKER_05: But yeah, this place is a stop off.
10:09
SPEAKER_05: This place is definitely a stop off.
10:13
SPEAKER_05: You'll run into people out here who are born-bred Vegas and plan on dying.
10:17
SPEAKER_05: That's that's fine.
10:18
SPEAKER_07: I'm fine with people just stopping off because people find me irritating after five minutes for some reason.
10:25
SPEAKER_07: So it's good if they just keep moving.
10:27
SPEAKER_07: That's true.
10:27
SPEAKER_07: And then you gotta balance.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: They're the problem, not me.
10:35
SPEAKER_05: You go to Vegas, you make your money, and you get the fuck out.
10:39
SPEAKER_05: And find somewhere better.
10:41
SPEAKER_05: But but uh yeah, so there's new beginnings of Vegas.
10:44
SPEAKER_05: So it's time to get into this show.
10:46
SPEAKER_04: So we have a little bit of philosophy for you.
10:48
SPEAKER_04: This week we're gonna be fucking with the time stream.
10:50
SPEAKER_04: It's uh I love fucking with the time stream in these questions.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:54
SPEAKER_04: Um, so that uh, you know, bathroom stall time machine that has made its appearance a few times in the show, um, makes its appearance again.
11:04
SPEAKER_05: You know, you were in Vegas, you were having a rough evening, and uh the honeycomb monster bursts out of a bathroom stall.
11:12
SPEAKER_05: Uh and oh yeah, it happens all the time in Vegas.
11:17
SPEAKER_05: And not at all, no.
11:21
SPEAKER_05: But he comes this time with$50,000 and a high caliber sniper rifle.
11:27
SPEAKER_05: Um, he offers you the bathroom time machine and says that you could use it once to utilize the things I am giving you here to change one event of history.
11:39
SPEAKER_05: And he and you like try and leave at first because you shouldn't be fucking with the time stream.
11:44
SPEAKER_03: But he puts his hand on your chips.
11:45
SPEAKER_03: I'm hugging him.
11:46
SPEAKER_03: All right.
11:50
SPEAKER_05: And he says, you get to change one event in history.
11:53
SPEAKER_05: You got$50,000 in a high caliber sniper rifle, um, one reload.
11:58
SPEAKER_05: All you must do is flush yourself down this toilet.
12:01
SPEAKER_05: Um, you plug in the coordinates and he'll do that, but you know, there's a lot of technical shit in that.
12:05
SPEAKER_05: We don't have time.
12:06
SPEAKER_05: So uh guests first, Reese,$50,000, high caliber sniper rifle and a time traveling toilet.
12:12
SPEAKER_05: What am I going back to?
12:16
SPEAKER_05: So this and it's fifty thousand dollars in the currency of wherever you plug in.
12:23
SPEAKER_05: He's like no, no.
12:29
SPEAKER_05: No, so right here, fifty thousand dollars.
12:33
SPEAKER_05: So wherever you go, it'll be the equivalent of fifty thousand dollars.
12:37
SPEAKER_08: Okay, so it'll be it'll have the same purchasing price of today's well inflation's very high.
12:42
SPEAKER_08: I just I$50,000.
12:45
SPEAKER_08: We'll see.
12:45
SPEAKER_08: We'll see.
12:45
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, what can you accomplish with$50,000?
12:48
SPEAKER_08: We'll we'll check it out.
12:49
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:50
SPEAKER_05: Well, so uh well.
12:51
SPEAKER_05: All right, let me just No, it's fine.
12:53
SPEAKER_05: It's fine.
12:54
SPEAKER_07: All right, all right, all right.
12:55
SPEAKER_07: The basic bitch in Mace is kill Hitler, but I I don't I don't like that answer.
13:03
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
13:03
SPEAKER_08: I'm gonna give Hitler fifty thousand dollars instead of a 50-caliber sniper rifle.
13:12
SPEAKER_08: So you're gonna bankroll his art school.
13:14
SPEAKER_08: Make sure he's never make sure he's never homeless so he doesn't like become radicalized.
13:19
SPEAKER_07: Uh shit.
13:21
SPEAKER_08: That's a that's actually a great idea.
13:24
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
13:24
SPEAKER_08: To house Hitler so that he doesn't become radicalized.
13:32
SPEAKER_05: Let's go back.
13:34
SPEAKER_05: Me and Hitler took$50,000 for the night on the weekend and I fucked Hitler.
13:39
SPEAKER_05: But he's good now.
13:40
SPEAKER_08: But we shot Goring with a sniper rifle.
13:43
SPEAKER_08: So I think we evened it out.
13:46
SPEAKER_08: Just his office door pusts open.
13:53
SPEAKER_08: High-five a reform.
13:54
SPEAKER_07: Upstanding young man.
13:57
SPEAKER_07: Nice mustache.
13:59
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
14:01
SPEAKER_08: Um taught him how to not get pissed off because women won't fuck him.
14:08
SPEAKER_05: Dude, shave the mustache, man.
14:10
SPEAKER_05: It's a terrible mustache.
14:12
SPEAKER_05: Terrible mustache, man.
14:12
SPEAKER_05: You freaking want to come on.
14:15
SPEAKER_07: Hitler, chill.
14:16
SPEAKER_07: I would, I would, I would go back and try and save the Library of Alexandria.
14:21
SPEAKER_05: Now, so refreshment, how was it destroyed?
14:23
SPEAKER_05: I mean, wasn't it just the latest one?
14:26
SPEAKER_07: Um Alexander the Great let a cigarette live.
14:29
SPEAKER_07: The most recent one was Levin.
14:33
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
14:34
SPEAKER_08: The most recent one was Napoleon.
14:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:39
SPEAKER_02: Napoleon.
14:40
SPEAKER_02: The most recent one was Napoleon.
14:42
SPEAKER_07: Well, why is 100 hours playing Civilization?
14:44
SPEAKER_07: Sid Meyer's Civilization.
14:46
SPEAKER_07: So I think I would know.
14:49
SPEAKER_07: Oh, yes.
14:51
SPEAKER_05: Who the last person was to destroy that monument.
14:57
SPEAKER_07: I just feel like that's a good thing.
14:59
SPEAKER_07: There was a lot of things lost, a lot of secrets uh of the old, old ways that uh we clearly have forgotten, kind of thing.
15:09
SPEAKER_07: It just to end that mystery of what the hell is inside of it.
15:14
SPEAKER_07: You know, you know, tragedies come and go, but that was that was a huge gathering of knowledge that we we miss.
15:23
SPEAKER_05: See, I see a situation with that regarding.
15:25
SPEAKER_05: I mean, because like that old knowledge, I mean, people like value it because it's old, but I mean, really, it's like how many ghosts are you know, like what mushrooms not to eat.
15:37
SPEAKER_05: Part of me would also just try and steal a treasure map.
15:40
SPEAKER_05: Um but I yeah, well, I mean, I could see that.
15:43
SPEAKER_05: That'd be that'd be pretty cool stealing those.
15:45
SPEAKER_07: And I've got fifty thousand dollars to bankroll my expedition.
15:50
SPEAKER_07: And a high caliber sniper rifle if I run out of money.
15:55
SPEAKER_05: Well, I think you would just fuck up the history channel's late night.
15:58
SPEAKER_07: Oh, well, the aliens would be the ones telling the story on the history channel.
16:05
SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, I think they would just have to dedicate more time to Bigfoot.
16:08
SPEAKER_07: No, they found him.
16:09
SPEAKER_07: They found it.
16:10
SPEAKER_07: That's that's what was in the blueprints for a Bigfoot founder.
16:13
SPEAKER_07: That's that's what the library of Alexandria was.
16:18
SPEAKER_02: They had huge big feet burns.
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, at the time.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: The feet.
16:27
SPEAKER_02: Uh L Jack.
16:30
SPEAKER_02: The high caliber.
16:33
SPEAKER_08: I have no idea now.
16:35
SPEAKER_08: I I've um fifty thousand dollars purchasing power like today.
16:46
SPEAKER_08: Uh-huh.
16:46
SPEAKER_08: So I could buy like a Dodge RAM.
16:51
SPEAKER_08: Cash, man.
16:53
SPEAKER_08: Cash.
16:54
SPEAKER_05: This year's money.
16:55
SPEAKER_05: That was a mistake on my part.
16:57
SPEAKER_05: You have you have fifty thousand dollars then.
17:01
SPEAKER_05: So you take the fifty thousand dollars today, rewind inflation back to wherever it is you're dropping in.
17:07
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
17:08
SPEAKER_05: And then that's the purchasing power of your fifty thousand dollars.
17:11
SPEAKER_05: I don't know what that means.
17:12
SPEAKER_08: It doesn't matter anyway.
17:13
SPEAKER_08: Um I'm if I could go back and change one event with fifty thousand dollars at a gun, I would American way.
17:24
SPEAKER_08: I'd spread democracy.
17:28
SPEAKER_08: Get a kickstart on this.
17:30
SPEAKER_08: Um I don't know.
17:32
SPEAKER_08: Uh uh, you know, you kind of have to think you have to kill like one person.
17:36
SPEAKER_08: It kind of sets you up to you have to use.
17:39
SPEAKER_07: You don't have to.
17:40
SPEAKER_08: I don't know if I don't know if I'd utilize yeah, but I've also got to fire one into the air for mine.
17:47
SPEAKER_08: Um yeah.
17:49
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, there you go.
17:50
SPEAKER_08: That's true.
17:51
SPEAKER_07: Um I don't know.
17:55
SPEAKER_07: And those two guys are dead.
17:57
SPEAKER_08: That's too open-ended.
17:58
SPEAKER_08: I don't have a good answer.
17:59
SPEAKER_08: I'd kill Cecil Rhodes, maybe.
18:02
SPEAKER_08: Or Cecil Rhodes.
18:07
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
18:08
SPEAKER_08: Or Leopold the Second.
18:11
SPEAKER_08: One of those two.
18:12
SPEAKER_08: Um and then I just I'd give fifty thousand dollars to the continent of Africa.
18:21
SPEAKER_08: Be like, sorry.
18:24
SPEAKER_08: Things are real bad because of these guys.
18:26
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
18:27
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
18:28
SPEAKER_05: Solid.
18:29
SPEAKER_05: Solid.
18:29
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
18:30
SPEAKER_08: All right, all right.
18:30
SPEAKER_08: I'd fund the purchase of massive quantities of land when I can come by local people.
18:36
SPEAKER_07: Do I still have a bag of you know 50,000 septums?
18:40
SPEAKER_07: No, like I just exchange it.
18:43
SPEAKER_07: Like so that way I get the money back.
18:45
SPEAKER_07: Can I launder this money?
18:47
SPEAKER_08: You'll have to you'll have to find someone who will who will honor a 3,000-year-old line of credit somewhere.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: My family has a play next time.
19:01
SPEAKER_07: We've been waiting for you.
19:07
SPEAKER_05: Uh what was the movie that happened?
19:09
SPEAKER_05: I forget.
19:10
SPEAKER_08: But it was like that weird uh Futurama had it over a thousand years, his bank.
19:14
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, they had continued, yeah, like they would fucking do.
19:17
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, 90-something cents compound interest was four billion dollars.
19:21
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
19:21
SPEAKER_08: Or 40 billion dollars, something like that.
19:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
19:24
SPEAKER_04: Um well see.
19:25
SPEAKER_04: So for me, I'm gonna take that.
19:27
SPEAKER_04: Um, I am going to go.
19:30
SPEAKER_04: Let's see, I'm gonna go back in time.
19:34
SPEAKER_06: Let's see.
19:35
SPEAKER_08: Fuck my own grandpa.
19:38
SPEAKER_08: There you go.
19:39
SPEAKER_08: Um teach him a lesson.
19:41
SPEAKER_08: Teach him a lesson.
19:42
SPEAKER_05: Um uh let's fuck, man.
19:45
SPEAKER_05: Uh I uh see, because the problem with it is that, you know, just human nature is so goddamn cyclical.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:54
SPEAKER_05: And, you know, the you're gonna remove one event, and then the same event's just gonna happen later when not under the watchful eye of a 50-caliber sniper rifle.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: That is true.
20:05
SPEAKER_08: Um I'd give a 50 caliber sniper rifle to John Brown.
20:12
SPEAKER_08: Just leave it, leave it for him.
20:14
SPEAKER_08: Let him see how see how that changes the tide of things.
20:18
SPEAKER_08: He gets two good, good shots.
20:21
SPEAKER_05: Uh all right.
20:23
SPEAKER_05: Well, see what happens.
20:25
SPEAKER_05: I just leave$50,000 and it's not a choice that you were given to somebody else.
20:33
SPEAKER_08: Yes.
20:33
SPEAKER_08: I know I already know what John Brown's gonna do.
20:35
SPEAKER_08: He's gonna fucking kill it.
20:37
SPEAKER_08: He's gonna he's gonna do a thing where he existed in his own time and he's gonna do it anyway.
20:42
SPEAKER_08: Just make it better.
20:43
SPEAKER_08: Just go all out, man.
20:45
SPEAKER_08: Leave leave it on his porch and say it's a and and leave a note that it's a gift from God.
20:51
SPEAKER_08: Be like, this is a sign.
20:52
SPEAKER_08: Let's go!
20:55
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, then honeycomb, time police, those monsters.
21:00
SPEAKER_05: Things start to shake.
21:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
21:04
SPEAKER_05: Um, let's see.
21:06
SPEAKER_05: I I would uh see fuck, man.
21:09
SPEAKER_05: I don't I don't give a shit about I would just uh keep the sniper rifle and the fifty thousand dollars and leave the bathroom.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: I kill the honeycomb.
21:23
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I kill the honeycomb monster.
21:27
SPEAKER_06: Do you accept?
21:28
SPEAKER_06: Do you?
21:29
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I just yeah, I would just uh I would put a 50 caliber bullet in the honeycomb monster.
21:38
SPEAKER_05: Um and then go make some history myself.
21:41
SPEAKER_05: But no, now I'm just like the same as anyone else.
21:43
SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, no, I I I'm gonna have to say any particular event.
21:48
SPEAKER_05: I I guess I'm gonna shit.
21:51
SPEAKER_04: I don't know, maybe stop.
21:54
SPEAKER_05: No, I'm just gonna go to uh Rome and become, you know, so like Marcus Aurelius was the last good emperor.
22:02
SPEAKER_05: No I'm going to now be the first emperor.
22:05
SPEAKER_07: You don't get to take the place of somebody and live out a lifetime.
22:10
SPEAKER_05: No, no, no.
22:11
SPEAKER_05: He's no, like I just I come in and shoot him with a high caliber sniper.
22:15
SPEAKER_08: It's not how you you know for a fact that's not how you become a king.
22:19
SPEAKER_08: You don't the person who kills the previous the previous emperor is gonna become the emperor.
22:25
SPEAKER_05: It is when you have a high caliber sniper rifle and these people, these savages, don't know how many shots I have left.
22:32
SPEAKER_08: I think that you're underestimating how Romans behave when they encounter their gods because uh they certainly they certainly don't act in a logical way.
22:43
SPEAKER_05: That's true.
22:43
SPEAKER_05: One person will die.
22:46
SPEAKER_05: Well, then anyone who's not terrified by the sniper rifle, I'll pay.
22:52
SPEAKER_05: Perfect.
22:56
SPEAKER_07: So you would just tempt, you would just do nonsense in town square.
23:01
SPEAKER_07: Alright.
23:03
SPEAKER_07: Just chaotic neutral the shit out of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
23:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
23:10
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
23:12
SPEAKER_05: Because there's nothing in particular, you know, because you're making any sort of choice is just gonna fuck everything up in unprecedented several raps.
23:21
SPEAKER_08: I don't know why you gave us this question.
23:23
SPEAKER_08: I agree.
23:25
SPEAKER_07: So I'm just gonna have some fun with it.
23:26
SPEAKER_07: Several bad ones to feel like a big man in front of men and tokens.
23:31
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
23:33
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
23:35
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, in front of men and tokens.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
23:38
SPEAKER_07: Exactly.
23:39
SPEAKER_07: Shoot some guys, he's getting away from Pompeii.
23:44
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, point back.
23:45
SPEAKER_05: He's getting away from Pompeii.
23:46
SPEAKER_05: I'm just gonna I'm gonna pay him$50,000.
23:51
SPEAKER_05: You won! You made it out.
23:53
SPEAKER_05: Congratulations.
23:54
SPEAKER_05: Congrats, man.
23:55
SPEAKER_05: And just in one hand, I got the sniper rifle.
23:58
SPEAKER_05: You know, like, and I'm just gonna fuck with this dude's world.
24:01
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna- that's what I'm gonna do.
24:02
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna change Christianity.
24:05
SPEAKER_05: Jesus is now a dude holding a sniper rifle who pays out to people who survive shit.
24:11
SPEAKER_07: They probably I would love to see the stained glass.
24:16
SPEAKER_07: Leather jacket, sniper rifle, trunk whiskey.
24:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
24:23
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, and everyone just takes a shot at trunk whiskey.
24:26
SPEAKER_05: It's hot in the sun.
24:27
SPEAKER_06: That's what I'm gonna do.
24:28
SPEAKER_06: There you go.
24:29
SPEAKER_06: There you have it.
24:30
SPEAKER_05: Well, uh if uh if you guys were I'm ready for a fight.
24:33
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
24:34
SPEAKER_05: I think it's time to get down onto a fight.
24:36
SPEAKER_05: So the fight we have for you this uh this week, we have Quasimodo of you know French literature.
24:43
SPEAKER_05: Why can't I think of the uh the author of now?
24:46
SPEAKER_05: I was about to say Dumas, but he he wrote um yeah, he wrote The Musketeers.
24:51
SPEAKER_05: Um who wrote the original Hunchback of Notre Dame?
24:54
SPEAKER_05: No it's not coming from the show.
24:56
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna guess Jacques the whole time.
25:00
SPEAKER_05: Jacques something.
25:01
SPEAKER_07: We're educated here on this podcast.
25:06
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
25:06
SPEAKER_05: No, yeah.
25:07
SPEAKER_05: Victor Hugo.
25:09
SPEAKER_05: There you go.
25:09
SPEAKER_05: Victor Hugo.
25:10
SPEAKER_05: I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
25:11
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
25:12
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
25:13
SPEAKER_05: No, no, Victor Hugo.
25:15
SPEAKER_05: He uh he was agent, he was Agent Smith.
25:18
SPEAKER_05: He was Agent Smith.
25:19
SPEAKER_08: God damn it.
25:20
SPEAKER_08: Y'all are the worst.
25:22
SPEAKER_07: It's like he's it's like Abbott with two Costellos.
25:26
SPEAKER_07: I like I love his frustration.
25:31
SPEAKER_08: He most famously wrote Les Miserables.
25:34
SPEAKER_08: Oh yeah?
25:35
SPEAKER_08: Yes.
25:36
SPEAKER_08: God.
25:37
SPEAKER_05: I wonder what he'd feel about the new one.
25:38
SPEAKER_05: But anyway.
25:39
SPEAKER_05: Alright, so it's time for a fight.
25:40
SPEAKER_07: I think if he looked at anything from the modern day, I think he'd probably go into a panic because the pictures are moving.
25:48
SPEAKER_05: Well, yeah, possibly.
25:50
SPEAKER_05: That's possible.
25:51
SPEAKER_05: But if we manage to calm him down, clockwork orange in the movie theater.
25:55
SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, and uh, no, I think he would just be super upset that his warning, you know, call to action material, they the the you know, you know, the rich people, they just got more sneaky, you know, more clever, more powerful.
26:15
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, he would there's still people who go to jail for stealing food.
26:19
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
26:20
SPEAKER_08: You know, it's it's his his book did not solve our problems.
26:25
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
26:27
SPEAKER_08: Give it to give it to Victor Hugo.
26:29
SPEAKER_08: Uh-huh.
26:30
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, there you go.
26:33
SPEAKER_08: He was a politician.
26:34
SPEAKER_08: It's not like he's gonna go.
26:36
SPEAKER_05: That's why it was such an issue.
26:37
SPEAKER_05: I mean, after you know, after the revolution, it turned it devolved.
26:42
SPEAKER_07: After writing a bunch back in Notre Dame, he suddenly became rich and went postal on the clock tower.
26:51
SPEAKER_06: Uh and he founded Blockbuster Video.
26:55
SPEAKER_02: Um actually changed.
27:04
SPEAKER_02: But uh Blockbuster's still around.
27:07
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, blockbuster video is still around.
27:10
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and the yeah, Netflix is shot.
27:12
SPEAKER_05: Um so uh alright, so Quasimoto versus Leatherface of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series.
27:20
SPEAKER_05: Um on High and Dry, we do this in a three-round method, guaranteed to get you results.
27:24
SPEAKER_05: Round one, we go down into a legally distinct fight club bar beneath an Applebee's, the last Applebee's, and these two characters fight pound for pound, punch for punch.
27:34
SPEAKER_05: It's just reach and punching.
27:36
SPEAKER_05: Uh round two, we zoom out into a city view where these characters have 24 hours to kill each other.
27:41
SPEAKER_05: Um, they could use whatever makes them then.
27:43
SPEAKER_05: He can go buy a chainsaw, quasi could go by a chainsaw if he wanted.
27:47
SPEAKER_05: Um, and then finally, round three, same thing as round two, except this time they get to bring a friend.
27:53
SPEAKER_05: So transitioning into round one, the characters.
27:55
SPEAKER_08: What was that?
27:56
SPEAKER_08: I do want to point out that quasimoto could not go by a chainsaw.
28:00
SPEAKER_08: I give him$50,000.
28:02
SPEAKER_08: No.
28:03
SPEAKER_08: He's the he he I think he refuses money.
28:07
SPEAKER_08: I think so too.
28:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
28:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, there is there was a lot of themes involved with Quasi.
28:12
SPEAKER_05: Um, but uh, so yeah, uh, so we've just transitioned downstairs at uh Applebee's bar.
28:17
SPEAKER_05: Uh we've gone downstairs, the fight is getting ready to go.
28:20
SPEAKER_05: Carl Urban and Cher have been escorted to the box seats.
28:23
SPEAKER_05: It's time to get it on.
28:24
SPEAKER_05: But first we gotta get a little more drunk, we gotta get a little more high.
28:27
SPEAKER_05: So pour them up, guys.
28:31
SPEAKER_05: Here is to Quasimodo.
28:33
SPEAKER_05: Here's to Leatherface.
28:35
SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
28:36
SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
28:41
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I hear like a little bit of uh whooshing, do you?
28:46
SPEAKER_07: Might be my neighbors.
28:48
SPEAKER_08: Are your neighbors making a wishing sound?
28:51
SPEAKER_05: Or do you have wind coming into your house?
28:54
SPEAKER_05: Do you hear it also?
28:55
SPEAKER_07: Let's ask the audience.
28:57
SPEAKER_07: That might be my that's my fridge.
29:00
SPEAKER_08: It sounds like it sounds like for us it sounds like he's gonna Okay, okay, there we go.
29:10
SPEAKER_05: Okay, that'll be fine.
29:12
SPEAKER_05: Alright, so we transition into round one.
29:15
SPEAKER_05: These fighters are removed their shirts.
29:18
SPEAKER_07: Horrible horrible.
29:21
SPEAKER_05: I mean horrible things.
29:24
SPEAKER_05: Um especially from Leatherface over there.
29:27
SPEAKER_05: Um seen that movie.
29:30
SPEAKER_05: So um, punch for punch, what happens?
29:33
SPEAKER_05: Uh guess first, recently goes down.
29:36
SPEAKER_07: I think Leatherface would have it at first.
29:38
SPEAKER_07: He'd come in, he'd come in with the the inbred strength uh that that Leatherface is known to possess.
29:45
SPEAKER_07: But uh once Quasimoto kind of sees that, oh, he's this is for serious, he's more acrobatic, more agile, he's gonna beat his ass.
29:55
SPEAKER_05: More active, too.
29:57
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, I mean he is that's true.
30:00
SPEAKER_05: Um he uh so they gave him the job of ringing that bell, and at least as far as Disney's concerned, he decided to do it in the most adrenaline.
30:10
SPEAKER_07: Like a skydiver on heroin.
30:14
SPEAKER_06: He takes his life into his own.
30:15
SPEAKER_06: Well, if I'm gonna get if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it right.
30:21
unknown: Woo!
30:26
SPEAKER_06: Holy shit.
30:27
unknown: Yeah.
30:29
SPEAKER_06: Just he can't wake.
30:30
SPEAKER_06: That's his cup of coffee, is uh leaping off the cathedral of Notre Dame.
30:35
SPEAKER_07: Staring death in the face.
30:37
SPEAKER_07: It's not morning until I shake the Grim Reaper's hand.
30:41
SPEAKER_07: I give it to it to that guy instead of the basement dwelling in bread.
30:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
30:47
SPEAKER_05: Okay, yeah, you make it sound like uh we're gonna have like a uh I Rocky Balboa versus Ivan Drago kind of thing going on.
30:56
SPEAKER_07: But it was it's mainly quasi doesn't want to hurt anybody until he's pushed too far, and that's what Leatherface is all about.
31:03
SPEAKER_05: Pushing too far.
31:05
SPEAKER_05: No, yeah, I feel that uh a lot of guys hanging from hooks are like, all right, he's the line is here.
31:10
SPEAKER_07: You're about here, sir.
31:12
SPEAKER_07: Really close.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't think 20 more minutes.
31:18
SPEAKER_08: Leatherface doesn't have the benefit.
31:22
SPEAKER_08: He doesn't have the benefit of all his hooks and and being scary and shit.
31:26
SPEAKER_08: He just has to fight Quasimoto.
31:27
SPEAKER_08: But I also think that you know, manual labor of like having to butcher and hang meat all the time, specifically, is like it requires you to be to build a lot of varied muscle groups.
31:42
SPEAKER_07: So many teenagers are honestly coming off.
31:45
SPEAKER_05: So he so he's got so he he's got a lot of he's got a lot of shoulder work going, you know, he's chopping.
31:52
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, and his back carrying a lot of carrying his back going.
31:56
SPEAKER_07: Quasi's doing um he's doing pull downs day and night every hour.
32:02
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, quasi's triceps are insane.
32:05
SPEAKER_08: That man hates he does have a def he has a physical deformity that would make it very difficult to fight.
32:13
SPEAKER_05: His back is hunched, but we get him at his best, and Disney decreed that he is capable of some serious acrobatics.
32:21
SPEAKER_08: He is very capable in his Disney in his Disney version, is incredibly capable.
32:25
SPEAKER_08: Like he uses his toes to catch on to some of those fucking ropes.
32:34
SPEAKER_08: He doesn't have any ropes or anything, though.
32:36
SPEAKER_07: He just has to like slow moving hover that he's going against.
32:55
SPEAKER_08: Both the Disney and and the book.
32:57
SPEAKER_08: Um I don't know.
32:59
SPEAKER_08: I just think him in a in a forced fight against one guy uh who's who is larger than him and and strong.
33:08
SPEAKER_08: Um I don't think I don't think he wins that one.
33:11
SPEAKER_08: But you know, it's uh it's up for debate.
33:13
SPEAKER_08: I I feel like most times Leatherface would win that one.
33:16
SPEAKER_08: It really sucks that Quasimoto is as part of his character, you know, he has a physical disability.
33:24
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
33:25
SPEAKER_08: Um that that does come back to hurt him, you know.
33:30
SPEAKER_08: Not just the because of the way he looks, but because, you know, it can it can hurt to have your body twisted, you know.
33:36
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
33:37
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
33:38
SPEAKER_05: Um, listening to both sides, I I I think I'm coming in on Leatherface's side here.
33:47
SPEAKER_05: Um, and I think that's just afforded to the pure brutality of you know this initial fight, of this throwing them into a circle and just you know I g that's why I'm giving it to him at first.
34:03
SPEAKER_05: And you know Well, Cher's having the time of her life, and um She deserves it.
34:10
SPEAKER_05: But I I think uh I mean we're talking so like this guy, the distances he's required to clear to keep up with these young women, um very young athletic women, as soon as the camera goes away, this dude's a fucking Olympian sprinter.
34:28
SPEAKER_08: Or he can teleport.
34:31
SPEAKER_05: Um, like he's hauling ass.
34:35
SPEAKER_05: And I think uh, you know, because look, he sees Cher.
34:39
SPEAKER_05: He's terrified, and he knows that if he doesn't, you know, fight and he doesn't fight to win, that's the end of Featherface.
34:46
SPEAKER_05: You know, the the series is over.
34:48
SPEAKER_05: And I I think uh he's gonna just come in, he doesn't have his mask on, all the bullshit's been thrown on the floor, and he's gonna come in with his Usain Bolt speed that he's capable of, hypothetically, and just floor this fucking guy.
35:08
SPEAKER_05: Um, you know, and I I think that's how it's gonna go down.
35:11
SPEAKER_05: Um, and because I don't even think that Leatherface, you know, the the workings of his mind, he's not gonna start easy.
35:19
SPEAKER_05: He's not gonna be holding anything back.
35:21
SPEAKER_05: And yeah, you know, while quasi, and I think quasi not wanting to hurt anyone, he's gonna take that one-two punch that was meant to kill somebody and he's going down.
35:31
SPEAKER_08: He like willy, like Quasimoto willingly accepted being flogged, you know, instead of like escaping or fighting back or anything like that.
35:39
SPEAKER_08: He willingly accepted that punishment, knowing that he had a disability and it could possibly be deadly for him.
35:45
SPEAKER_08: You know, he accepted that punishment.
35:47
SPEAKER_08: The only time he got in any kind of physical alternative.
35:50
SPEAKER_07: But this isn't this isn't a punishment to him.
35:53
SPEAKER_07: It's hey, you're fighting this person.
35:56
SPEAKER_07: It's happening.
35:57
SPEAKER_07: It's not a punishment.
35:59
SPEAKER_05: He doesn't he I just don't think he's never he so that's he doesn't want to harm anyone.
36:04
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, exactly.
36:05
SPEAKER_05: But I and I think that that's where the key mental difference is gonna be here.
36:09
SPEAKER_05: You tell Quasimodo that, hey, this is a fight to the death, he's still gonna come in testing the room, trying to figure shit out.
36:18
SPEAKER_05: Leatherface has never had a fight to the death.
36:20
SPEAKER_05: Leatherface, however, is just gonna step in and try and kill.
36:23
SPEAKER_05: Just immediately.
36:24
SPEAKER_05: No, he does not.
36:25
SPEAKER_07: I am I am here to kill this, doesn't go in for the kill ever.
36:29
SPEAKER_07: He's a torturer.
36:31
SPEAKER_07: Um he couldn't take Jessica Beale.
36:37
SPEAKER_08: Quasimoto is the tortured, though.
36:40
SPEAKER_08: He's used to it.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, nothing necromancing.
36:47
SPEAKER_08: So is this a stalemate where Leatherface somehow does not kill him and Quasimoto just accepts an endless torture and endless torturing?
36:56
SPEAKER_05: Well, eventually he's gonna end up in the bathtub of just floating skin.
37:00
SPEAKER_05: But um, well, I I think it's time for a vote.
37:02
SPEAKER_05: We had a lot of statements.
37:04
SPEAKER_05: Uh Reese, what's your vote?
37:06
SPEAKER_05: James?
37:08
SPEAKER_05: Leatherface.
37:09
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, myself, I'm I'm gonna have to go Leatherface.
37:12
SPEAKER_05: I think it's just gonna be too fast, too soon.
37:15
SPEAKER_05: And the killing spirit.
37:17
SPEAKER_05: That killing spirit, yeah.
37:18
SPEAKER_05: I don't think it's just gonna be too much right off the gate.
37:21
SPEAKER_05: So round one goes to Leatherface.
37:23
SPEAKER_05: Congratulations, Mr.
37:25
SPEAKER_05: Face.
37:25
SPEAKER_05: Um, moving on to round two, it's now 24 hours.
37:29
SPEAKER_05: They've both received a manila envelope beneath their overpriced apartment doors.
37:35
SPEAKER_08: Um The hunchback gets his at the no at the tower of the Notre Dame.
37:41
SPEAKER_08: A raven flies through the window and traps all uh a parchment.
37:47
SPEAKER_05: Uh man, there's been some dudes running around with 50 caliber sniper rifles and 50,000.
37:51
SPEAKER_05: And they brought leather face.
37:55
SPEAKER_08: Um how do these two where do these two characters meet?
38:00
SPEAKER_08: Like a Texas, a rural Texas shack, and and the most the largest church in France.
38:09
SPEAKER_05: I I I think that quasi decides that this is just an unhealthy environment, and he decides to take a road trip for Soul.
38:19
SPEAKER_08: You don't think the you don't think the Texas Chainsaw family goes on like a fire up in Beverly Hillbury terrifications?
38:29
SPEAKER_08: And it's somehow aquatic.
38:32
SPEAKER_08: They fly to France.
38:35
SPEAKER_08: They all get off the plane and checked in a chainsaw.
38:40
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, we we don't go to like Cancun and stuff like that.
38:44
SPEAKER_07: The boy he he terrifies people.
38:48
SPEAKER_05: I would say that like Paris is Dallas.
38:52
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
38:53
SPEAKER_05: And and you know the b the quasimoto's in the uh repository.
38:59
SPEAKER_08: He find finds a sniper rifle there.
39:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
39:06
SPEAKER_05: Um, well, I mean, so in uh in a couple of the Texas chainsaws, they they they eventually leave and it turns into this like weird thing between Leatherface's.
39:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's just yeah.
39:21
SPEAKER_05: All right, yeah.
39:22
SPEAKER_05: Um the town itself never really becomes Leatherface's strength.
39:28
SPEAKER_05: It's always just uh we're safe here underneath the glow of this diner.
39:33
SPEAKER_05: Okay, yeah.
39:34
SPEAKER_05: Um so I I think in this regard it'll be fine.
39:38
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, or either way, I think Quasi can find some rope to do some acrobats on you know around the trucks.
39:45
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he uses a gas pump.
39:50
SPEAKER_07: But uh alright, so uh guest first, Reese, what goes down?
39:53
SPEAKER_07: He doesn't really use weapons, Quasimodo, so it's an acrobatic guy against the guy who just kicked his ass but with a chainsaw.
40:03
SPEAKER_07: So uh just kind of like that.
40:06
SPEAKER_06: Unless unless uh the guy who just kicked his ass.
40:17
SPEAKER_07: Unless unless he's gonna hug, I don't know.
40:21
SPEAKER_07: Expired moon pies off the roof at him.
40:23
SPEAKER_07: I don't know what the hell.
40:29
SPEAKER_00: You gave him the weapon?
40:33
SPEAKER_08: He has a weapon, I don't know what to say.
40:35
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
40:36
SPEAKER_08: Quasimodo's very resourceful, though.
40:38
SPEAKER_05: Yes, yes, and I and Quasimoto has in his personality the thing that overcomes horror villains, especially slasher villains.
40:48
SPEAKER_05: He has perseverance and purity.
40:51
SPEAKER_07: And if Jessica Beale can outrun him and outflank him, I there's no way in shit quasimoto can't.
40:58
SPEAKER_07: Because he's slow as hell with that chainsaw.
41:01
SPEAKER_08: That's true.
41:04
SPEAKER_05: You we have slowed him down now with the chainsaw.
41:07
SPEAKER_08: So Quasimoto's really good at using his environment, and uh and Leatherface is good is sometimes good at destroying his environment with the chainsaw.
41:18
SPEAKER_08: A lot of times that's how Leatherface gets it's people get the better better of Leatherface, is because he does some shit with his chainsaw and gets stuck or he loses it.
41:28
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, and that's because he has these barriers in front of him that are the environment.
41:34
SPEAKER_08: And the first one he didn't have an environment.
41:35
SPEAKER_08: There's nothing to obstruct him.
41:38
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
41:40
SPEAKER_08: He needs some therapy, Leatherface.
41:43
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
41:45
SPEAKER_07: We'll solve this.
41:47
SPEAKER_07: I think I think with the power of determination and Disney magic, and him and not being in a fighting pit, quasi would have the advantage, but he'd lose something.
42:01
SPEAKER_07: He's not walking away 100% quasi-moto.
42:06
SPEAKER_05: No.
42:07
SPEAKER_05: No, no.
42:09
SPEAKER_05: Um I I think what we're gonna have here, I mean, like so let's say they fight at that rural gas truck stop, you know.
42:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:15
SPEAKER_05: If they even if they run there and you know, and quasi is, you know, barreling over the tops of you know 18-wheelers and rolling over the roof and using the ropes and then just using his, you know, his very strange Disney agile ability.
42:32
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
42:32
SPEAKER_05: Um, I I think like even in like the situation where Leatherface like gets him down over the register, you know, I I think because quasi's coming from that Pierce place, and because he is, he would be the one who survives a slasher movie.
42:49
SPEAKER_05: You know, I think that's when he like reaches over and grabs like the flower that's two for one right now.
42:55
SPEAKER_05: There's just something in the environment.
42:59
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, something in the environment that he could reach out for, I think, is gonna be the saving grace here.
43:04
SPEAKER_05: And then Leatherface, he's going to run into um the universe giving the victims that second try, you know, where where his chainsaw gets stuck, or or where he, you know, just isn't looking left when he should be looking right.
43:20
SPEAKER_05: And I I see that being the situation here.
43:22
SPEAKER_05: Did quasi's coming out bloody, but I think that's what's gonna go down.
43:25
SPEAKER_07: Um, I think the Disney magic and uh and and and and uh his agility would be the thing that really saves him in the end, but he's he's not ringing the bells as quick.
43:39
SPEAKER_07: There's one hand missing.
43:42
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
43:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
43:45
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
43:46
SPEAKER_02: Alright, James.
43:48
SPEAKER_08: You know, I was thinking about the theme of these characters, and it's really interesting because Quasimodo in this round does not have people.
43:58
SPEAKER_08: He has no relationships to to drive him.
44:01
SPEAKER_08: Uh it's very interesting because Quasimodo is is essentially controlled by other people through the course of his story.
44:11
SPEAKER_08: You know, you've got this deacon uh at the Notre Dame.
44:15
SPEAKER_08: Who who essentially he's forced to be loyal to.
44:19
SPEAKER_08: You know, this guy raised him, he doesn't know anything else, and he's kept apart from society and he's manipulated by this guy.
44:25
SPEAKER_08: And then you've also got Esmeralda, who is an outside force, who he, you know, from his tower, you know, falls she she helps him and he falls in love with her.
44:36
SPEAKER_08: And um and you know, a lot of his actions from there on are driven by that, from that other external force.
44:44
SPEAKER_08: So and and essentially those those relationships are his downfall.
44:51
SPEAKER_08: Um, which is an interesting story that we don't often cover.
44:54
SPEAKER_08: Usually friends make you strong.
44:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:56
SPEAKER_08: But I think in this case, the people around Quasimoto have a a negative effect on him in the end.
45:02
SPEAKER_05: Jesus, man, you went like you I thought you were going one way and you were like running down a street over here.
45:08
SPEAKER_08: Um yeah, I think in this case, Quasimoto is stronger by himself because he doesn't have anyone to end his story painfully.
45:17
SPEAKER_08: Um uh and I think except Leatherface.
45:20
SPEAKER_08: Except Leatherface, but Leatherface, there's no conver there's no conversing with this man, it's not manipulation.
45:25
SPEAKER_08: He escapes no one has tried death uh when it's no one's trying talking.
45:33
SPEAKER_08: You're on what happens if uh so let's say quasi moy hey, is everything okay, man?
45:39
SPEAKER_08: Like many of the victims, yeah.
45:41
SPEAKER_08: It hurts, but you seem to be hurting too.
45:43
SPEAKER_08: Let's talk.
45:46
SPEAKER_08: I don't think it'll I don't think we're gonna make any what have you got to lose.
45:50
SPEAKER_08: I think in this case, Quasimo True, true, Quasimodo will probably try to talk to him, but I don't think Leatherface is gonna be receptive.
45:58
SPEAKER_08: No.
45:59
SPEAKER_08: Um I think Quasimoto, though, does win because he doesn't have anyone to drag him down.
46:04
SPEAKER_08: Interesting.
46:05
SPEAKER_05: Wow, that that's great.
46:06
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, and I was gonna say Quasimoto, in my opinion, wins just because I mean he's not gonna be the final girl, um, which is working against him in you know, if he's dragged into Leatherface's themes, but his purity and uh and then I think we've also created a very strong theme here about being you know, they're they're both characters are disfigured, but one of them tries to be better while the other one does not be.
46:41
SPEAKER_08: Not even tries, not even tries to be better.
46:47
SPEAKER_08: He's already a good person.
46:49
SPEAKER_08: He listens to Paul.
46:51
SPEAKER_08: Not always, yeah.
46:53
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, no, but just his heart is is pure regardless of the cards he's been dealt.
47:00
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
47:01
SPEAKER_05: And um that's not the case for Leatherface, right?
47:07
SPEAKER_05: Um and yeah, so uh yeah, quasimoto all the way.
47:11
SPEAKER_05: Um I think we're across the board then.
47:14
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
47:14
SPEAKER_05: Alright, so moving into round three, same thing as round two, except this time they get to bring bring a friend.
47:19
SPEAKER_05: Reese, who do they bring?
47:20
SPEAKER_07: What happens take us there?
47:22
SPEAKER_07: That's I have no fun I like let they're both loners.
47:25
SPEAKER_07: Like that's that's the thing.
47:28
SPEAKER_05: People just people impose themselves on the quiz.
47:31
SPEAKER_07: They don't really give a crap about them, and so like you know, none of them would stand stand up to bat for him, I don't think.
47:41
SPEAKER_05: Not against Leatherface, hell no.
47:42
SPEAKER_05: Well, I see Leatherface is gonna bring like Maw and Pa.
47:46
SPEAKER_05: Um, but uh what could be a good thing?
47:49
SPEAKER_07: Actually, actually, if any I think he would bring the deacon.
47:55
SPEAKER_07: The deacon?
47:56
SPEAKER_07: His dad.
47:57
SPEAKER_07: Hey, hey, this dude's trying to kill me.
47:59
SPEAKER_07: Look at him and look what made him.
48:04
SPEAKER_08: He does follow or the deacon's orders, uh, usually.
48:09
SPEAKER_08: But the deacon knows how to kill shit, too.
48:11
SPEAKER_07: And the deacon doesn't fight his own battles.
48:14
SPEAKER_07: He is a member of the Catholic Church.
48:15
SPEAKER_07: So if he brings the deacon, he brings the army.
48:17
SPEAKER_08: It's true.
48:18
SPEAKER_08: Uh well, no, okay.
48:20
SPEAKER_08: The deacon doesn't have access to the army.
48:22
SPEAKER_08: He's the Catholic Church.
48:23
SPEAKER_05: But but I definitely I see a situation here where if the deacon does come, he's you know, quasi's forced to fight this guy, and it's very sad and everything.
48:33
SPEAKER_05: The deacon will die by way of chainsaw.
48:36
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
48:37
SPEAKER_05: Um, and uh um, and I think just the the change in characters there from the themes killing each other, the that theme killing the deacon, um, and freeing quasi at that point.
48:51
SPEAKER_05: I I think that would bring it back into a round two phase and we'd see quasi take it after that.
48:55
SPEAKER_07: No, it's actually it's kind of where I was thinking, too.
48:58
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
48:59
SPEAKER_05: Um what does Leatherface bring?
49:01
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but Leatherface uh he either brings his geriatric, you know, crippled family or he brings um fucking Jason or you know, one of his people.
49:16
SPEAKER_05: You know, he coming out of that same 1980s slasher genre.
49:21
SPEAKER_05: Um, you know, I think we'd see Jason um because he's not gonna bring Michael Myers, they're too out of each sync for each other.
49:27
SPEAKER_05: He's not gonna bring Freddie, they're too supernatural.
49:30
SPEAKER_07: Uh so I'm not sure.
49:31
SPEAKER_05: I don't think anyone's gonna want to work with leatherface.
49:33
SPEAKER_07: Uh um and if you bring like Jason, then you have a super a big supernatural entity hucked in the midst, and he just wins and is let loose on Paris.
49:51
SPEAKER_05: Um well so he would bring he would bring his most able-bodied family member, the dog.
49:58
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yes.
49:59
SPEAKER_05: Okay, and but and no, and and that's pretty much um, and and that's the thing.
50:04
SPEAKER_05: No matter who they're up against in those 80s slasher villains will eventually succumb at the end.
50:14
SPEAKER_05: And they're gonna lose to whoever is pure and had sex this episode, and you know, things like that.
50:19
SPEAKER_08: So if if purity if purity is the important part, can't have the deacon there because the deacon's gonna die.
50:25
SPEAKER_08: Quasimoto's purity.
50:28
SPEAKER_07: He'll kill the parent.
50:30
SPEAKER_07: But then while that's happening, Leatherface you know crushes his head and then quasi kills that.
50:36
SPEAKER_07: That's how I think it would go down.
50:38
SPEAKER_08: I just think with with Quasimoto, uh, you know, when the deacon dies, um, he's not gonna have anyone to comfort him.
50:46
SPEAKER_08: That's what Esmerelda, you know, he had this relationship with Esmeralda that was like a counterbalance to the deacon's relationship.
50:53
SPEAKER_08: But it's really she's she's she can't participate.
50:57
SPEAKER_08: Well, if she chooses to, she can't.
50:59
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, we can't stop her.
51:01
SPEAKER_07: She's just chants and thieves, man.
51:02
SPEAKER_07: That's like one look.
51:08
SPEAKER_05: But it's like if we just released a tornado into round three.
51:11
SPEAKER_05: That that's what doing with Cherry is.
51:13
SPEAKER_05: They might, they're both equally likely to die.
51:15
SPEAKER_08: So everyone's gonna die.
51:18
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
51:19
SPEAKER_08: Um, well, uh I I think Esmeralda.
51:23
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
51:23
SPEAKER_08: Because then he has someone to protect.
51:26
SPEAKER_08: Solid.
51:27
SPEAKER_08: She died.
51:27
SPEAKER_08: Um, you know, she died when uh it took an entire town to get her.
51:31
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and Leatherface wouldn't, I don't think Leatherface would be able to get her.
51:35
SPEAKER_07: She would keep getting away.
51:37
SPEAKER_07: She's acrobatic shit too.
51:40
SPEAKER_08: He's really good at Yeah, and he's really good at I mean, um Yeah, he's really good at protecting her.
51:48
SPEAKER_08: Uh the reason she died was because of the fucking deacon, you know.
51:51
SPEAKER_08: He had this other force that was manipulating him and and working against him and was like upset that uh, you know.
52:00
SPEAKER_08: And uh Esmeralda like loved Quasimodo in in her own way, you know, and she protected him back.
52:06
SPEAKER_08: Um and and I maybe that relationship without the strain of of other manipulative forces uh would make him stronger.
52:17
SPEAKER_08: I don't know though.
52:18
SPEAKER_08: I have no idea.
52:19
SPEAKER_08: I'm kinda in the middle.
52:20
SPEAKER_05: Well, let's uh let's bring it then to a vote.
52:22
SPEAKER_05: Let's let's get it done.
52:24
SPEAKER_05: Reese?
52:25
SPEAKER_07: Uh I winds it.
52:27
SPEAKER_07: I give it to uh I give it to Quasi.
52:30
SPEAKER_07: I I think uh I I I I voted him all three rounds.
52:33
SPEAKER_07: I I prefer I think Disney Magic would save him across the board.
52:39
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
52:40
SPEAKER_08: Alright, uh, Jim.
52:42
SPEAKER_08: You know, I've been thinking less the Disney version and more the book version.
52:46
SPEAKER_08: In the book, he dies because he crawls in he crawls into a grave, into like uh a public grave, like just uh an unmarked mass grave with Esmeralda's head dead body, and then he dies there.
53:01
SPEAKER_08: And like they the the book ends with them digging up this mass grave and discovering it later and seeing that his bones are in are he his bones are like hugging hers, and they go to pull him away and he crumbles to dust.
53:13
SPEAKER_08: And it's like it's uh Jesus Christ.
53:16
SPEAKER_05: It's a it's a set Jesus Christ Hugo Weaving.
53:19
SPEAKER_05: Why did you write that?
53:20
SPEAKER_07: In the Disney version, George Castanza.
53:22
SPEAKER_07: Victor Hugo.
53:25
SPEAKER_08: He certainly does.
53:27
SPEAKER_08: Maybe he brings the gargoyle.
53:31
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, fair action.
53:33
SPEAKER_05: He gets Jason Alexander as a gargoyle.
53:36
SPEAKER_05: I'm I'm going to say that he gets Jason Alexander as George Castanza.
53:42
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
53:44
SPEAKER_08: Leatherface dies of embarrassment.
53:48
SPEAKER_08: Like, oh no, I can't watch this guy.
53:51
SPEAKER_08: He makes me feel incredibly weird.
53:53
SPEAKER_08: I I don't know what to do with this.
53:55
SPEAKER_08: I gotta get out of here.
53:56
SPEAKER_06: He trips break his neck and a line.
54:02
SPEAKER_05: See, uh fuck man, and that's that's the the toughest thing.
54:07
SPEAKER_05: And our argument is we get him at our strongest.
54:09
SPEAKER_05: And well, so James, your your vote is tie.
54:14
SPEAKER_08: I say tie, yeah.
54:15
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
54:16
SPEAKER_08: Um uh I'm gonna it really sucks.
54:21
SPEAKER_08: It really sucks that Quasimoto, the world it's not Quasimodo's fault that his relationships fail him.
54:27
SPEAKER_05: No.
54:28
SPEAKER_05: He should have tried harder.
54:29
SPEAKER_05: I I have to say here No, I'm I'm gonna have to say that uh Leatherface wins, and I'm gonna say that that's just because of stepping outside of Disney for a minute and just how tragically that character was written.
54:47
SPEAKER_05: I I think that uh Quasimoto loses this fight, and but it's not Leatherface that does it, it's just it's society, it's his it's parents, it's uh you know 90s lyrics.
55:01
SPEAKER_05: I think that the third round will happen.
55:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think the third round will be.
55:05
SPEAKER_05: Jason Alexander.
55:06
SPEAKER_05: Jason Alexander and Jason Alexander like takes the screen and he just fucking rips society and parents and toxic this and that.
55:15
SPEAKER_05: He he just rips at a new one, and then Cher rips his head off and drinks the blood.
55:21
SPEAKER_05: And and but Quasimoto died like 20 years ago.
55:25
SPEAKER_02: And we have and we have to accept that.
55:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
55:29
SPEAKER_05: Um, and uh I think that's where it's headed, uh, which means uh it's a tie.
55:34
SPEAKER_05: It's a tie.
55:35
SPEAKER_05: So Leatherface and Quasimoto in their match against each other.
55:38
SPEAKER_05: It is a tie.
55:40
SPEAKER_05: There you have it, folks.
55:41
SPEAKER_05: Sometimes Quasimoto will accidentally win before his tragedy strikes.
55:46
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
55:47
SPEAKER_05: Uh every one, and someone's gonna make a Disney video about it.
55:50
SPEAKER_05: So there you have it, folks.
55:51
SPEAKER_05: Fucking enjoy that.
55:53
SPEAKER_05: Uh happy Monday, dicks.
55:56
SPEAKER_05: Um Reese, uh, thank you so much for joining us.
56:00
SPEAKER_05: Uh, where can we find you?
56:01
SPEAKER_05: I know you got some shows coming up.
56:02
SPEAKER_05: What's going on?
56:03
SPEAKER_07: Be after it posted, but I'm gonna be at the doghouse in Maryville tonight.
56:06
SPEAKER_07: Tomorrow I'm gonna be at Mighty Mix in Winfield on the 23rd.
56:10
SPEAKER_08: Uh the That's Maryville, Indiana.
56:14
SPEAKER_08: I don't like saying the name.
56:15
SPEAKER_07: Right.
56:15
SPEAKER_07: Uh then um on the 30th, we've got Free Monkeys Pub with Alan Ford.
56:21
SPEAKER_07: Um on uh on the 30th, Crown Point, Indiana.
56:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm working I'm high as balls.
56:32
SPEAKER_08: People need to be able to get to the place you are, which is why they need to go to your site.
56:39
SPEAKER_07: We're not friends, so don't add me on Facebook.
56:42
SPEAKER_07: Um yeah, very warm and cuddly.
56:46
SPEAKER_05: Huh.
56:46
SPEAKER_05: All right.
56:47
SPEAKER_05: Well, hey, thanks for joining us.
56:48
SPEAKER_05: It was a good time.
56:49
SPEAKER_05: Um, thank you everyone for listening.
56:51
SPEAKER_05: This is High and Dry Podcast.
56:53
SPEAKER_05: Bye.
56:54
SPEAKER_05: Bye.