Latest / Privycast / Ep. 213 RANKed: What's the Best Ball Deodorant?

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Ep. 213 RANKed: What's the Best Ball Deodorant? · Privycast

0:01
At the time, men not having body odor was perceived as feminine.
0:05
If you don't reek, you might be a girl.
0:07
You know what?
0:09
I'm gonna say that's stupid.
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I don't wanna sniff your stink, brother.
0:20
Welcome back to Privy.
0:22
Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
0:29
I'm your host, Hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
0:33
Welcome back, everyone.
0:34
Thank you guys for being here.
0:36
And we are almost at the end of Privy Summer.
0:40
There's been plenty of fun that's been had.
0:42
I am getting ready to
0:45
To venture back into my role at the the high school.
0:48
And then we're just kind of closing up.
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It's in those lazy end last days of summer where yeah, kids are almost back to school.
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All the things are closing.
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And if you hear this and you're like, holy cow, it's August 25th.
1:00
How how could I like just now?
1:02
It's because here in the in the state of Oregon, I'm I'm here in the Willamette Valley in Oregon, we go back to school incredibly late.
1:09
Like the kids are fully not even in school until
1:13
like a whole week into September.
1:15
And so it's absolutely crazy.
1:17
But it's summer.
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It's, it's we're in what I like to call the like the miserable summer heat of summer where you've kind of put up with the heat of the summer all summer long.
1:29
And it was the the trick was kind of cool.
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there was a minute where the summer heat and the summer sun was pretty cool because it's like, man, it's been raining a minute.
1:37
And it's kind of nice that it's sunny out and I can mow my lawn, all of the things.
1:43
But now it's just like hot and it's forest fire season and it's smoky and it's just kind of like it it the the the novelty of the heat has truly worn off.
1:57
And I know there's people who live in hotter parts of our of our country, hotter parts of our world that might be listening to this and go, what's he complaining about?
2:05
Well, I'm I'm of a larger stature.
2:08
The the summer sun, like I tell the people that I know
2:12
Once it be once it passes 80, I just don't function well.
2:16
Like anything after eighty degrees for me is hot.
2:20
It's too hot.
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We're sitting at a at a hot ninety-one today.
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It's just it's just not it.
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my kids went out to play.
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I went out to go do work in the garage and I went, you know what, I think it's inside work day for me.
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I'm gonna wait until those those early rain fall days here in Oregon where it's starting to get cool in the evening.
2:40
We'll do my outside work in my garage then.
2:44
One of the things that happens in the summer sun, especially when you're spending any amount of time outdoors doing any sort of activities and moving and all in the what?
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I'll be honest, this most recently I I started to feel it.
2:57
It's been a minute since I felt this phenomenon, this sensation.
3:01
let me tell you about my sensations.
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But it's been a minute since I've I've felt this phenomenon, but I I felt it yesterday.
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I was I was outdoors quite a bit walking around in the in the sultry Oregon sun.
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And there there's this thing that happens is called the chafe.
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Hmm.
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And and when you're just you're walking and you're it's just sometimes you get a little chafe fired up downstairs.
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Do you know what I'm saying?
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And I want to share a story briefly.
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This isn't a full hunter's anecdotes.
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I you know, but about the the full like summer chafe.
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And when I was like like I said, when I was growing up, when I I was I was a thicker lad and one of the things that happens when you are big and and have that much denim and also
3:50
like haven't grown as a person to the point where you know like the best choice of underwear for you is you go to the Montana State Fair and you walk around in the asphalt,
4:00
whose fault?
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In the asphalt in the hundred degree sun eating your deep fried food and drinking your straight up sugar.
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And as you do that, by midday, mid to end of day, you get Mondo chafe going on downstairs.
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Like it's just rubbing hoard.
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And I I no joke, like I drew blood.
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I I one point in the day went to the bathroom.
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And the worst thing you can do is go to the bathroom.
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And here's why.
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When you've got chafe, what you don't want to do is like reset any clothing or like
4:35
Cause there to be like a change in what is going on until you're ready to change your clothes and get out of the sweat situation that you're in.
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You really just kind of want to leave things for the most part as as alone as you can.
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But when you go to the bathroom, you can't do that.
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You have to pull it down, you gotta do your thing.
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And when you pull it back up, it resets the chaf.
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Like your whole situation kind of starts over and that sucks.
5:01
That's bad.
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And you're just double fisting corndogs.
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Hams rubbing together in the sweat of the summer sun.
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It's just awful.
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And it's tough out here for the thick friends.
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Pray for them.
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It's hot.
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yeah, you you you get a big you get a big chafe cooked up in the summer.
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And and summer has really reminded me of this.
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As we've we've recently had some water-related events at with the group at the church and
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I chafed my feet.
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A new pair of sandals.
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Haven't haven't busted them bad boys in yet.
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And the power of chafe was so evident to me as I I truly drew blood with the sandal on on the ankle back.
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Um Chaf is real bad to is what you the takeaway that you should have at the beginning of this show.
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And when chafe is paired with the sweat of the summer sun or the summer swamp, Shrek's magical palace, um, it can get particularly uncomfortable, especially in those
5:59
Uh special cracks and crevices that we all know and love.
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I always liked how Bear Gryllis said the word crevices.
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He calls them crevasses.
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And I think that really paints a picture as to the nature of chafe in crevices.
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Crevasses, if you will.
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It's so choice and it just captures the concern related to our topic today, which is beginning with what else other than big cracks?
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Everyone has a crack.
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Men, today we're tackling the summer concern that is as close to home as the the s the swamp crack as we can get.
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Now I will note.
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Today's episode is going to be a very male centered forward episode.
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Sorry, everybody.
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But that is because the product that we're going to be taking a look at I is designed for men.
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Ladies, I suppose you could use it.
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I'm not sure
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Uh yeah, I'm not sure the logistics of that.
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I would say shout at me, but please don't.
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Summer chafe really squares up in places that you don't want it.
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Here's what you know.
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Think of where you would least like to chafe and have rubbing.
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And that's where the summer sun in the swamp will will light that fire.
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Swamp crack, pit stank, thigh thrush.
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But for men, one zone is dreaded for the chafe to fire up.
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And when it does, it's bad news.
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You do not want it.
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When the crotchal gets wild, things are tough.
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When the berries start to get warped and wrapped up into the chafe, things are unfortunate.
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You do not want bruised berries on the matter.
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And as long as men have had junk and the sun has made you sweat, men have been doing stuff to try to deal with the sweat and the chafe that happens in their
8:05
Unique downstairs.
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It should be noted, as you look through like the analys history, there is very little detailed throughout that history on how to deal with this very specific particular type of
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chafe and this unique problem for men.
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Because talking about that stuff for a long time, and maybe even still today, was taboo.
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Or at least it has been for a long time.
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Speaking of taboo, I want to take a moment to break in here to remind you.
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I meant to do this at the top of the show.
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At the point of this episode's record, heck, I'm recording so close to episode release.
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I'm gonna go out on limb and say at the point of this episode's release, the Centus Corp has yet to announce the the finalists for America's Best Restroom 2025, 2026.
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And you can still nominate a bathroom.
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I think that's fake.
9:00
There's no way they're taking nominations still.
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However, shame on Sintus.
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This begin, I we're we've got the Sintus tracker.
9:08
I checked it this morning.
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There is no contestants nominations listed finalists for 2026.
9:16
It just says, you could nominate a bathroom.
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Figure it out.
9:19
Like, the rate this is going, you're going to be impeding on spoop key season, which is gonna piss me off.
9:27
Like, if we're fully into October.
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When when you are announcing this crap, I'm it's gonna be annoying.
9:35
You got a month.
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I I can do nothing, but you have a month.
9:43
But there's some things that are taboo, specifically the the chafing of a man's, you know, sitch.
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And if there's something that I've learned making this show over the last six, seven years, is people will kick heaven.
9:57
That's for the little kids out there.
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They they loved it.
10:00
They went hog wild for it.
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Um, is that people will naturally let you know what they find taboo.
10:08
People generally do that by getting really quiet or awkward when you start discussing the nature of your diarrhea.
10:15
It's weird.
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You know, people offer up that so and so has diarrhea and you're like, yo, I ate some beef sticks and they f fired up the back the backside rail slide.
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And they're like, and it's like, I I thought we were just talking about poop.
10:30
That's my bad.
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That's my bad.
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But I think crotch sweat in general really falls into that we probably shouldn't be talking about this as much as we're talking about this category.
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And one of the things that happens from time to time here on Privy is we take that feedback that that this is a topic that maybe we ought not talk as much about, and we say,
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No day.
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But we're gonna do it anyway.
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And you can test this thing very easily.
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Next time you're making small talk with your friend, how's the weather?
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How are the kids?
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What'd y'all do for summer?
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Did you do anything fun this weekend?
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You got plans for the holidays?
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What have you?
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Just drop a comment about the nature of how summer sun has impacted your testicular zone.
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See what they do with it.
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See how they handle it.
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A real a real one will take that and they will just shine.
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They'll they'll just love that conversation.
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If they can't handle you in the midst of swamp nuts, they may not be the one.
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Just saying.
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It's wisdom, kids.
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If she can't handle you in the midst of anyway, of summer chafe, it's tough out here.
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But I think there's not a lot of record about how to deal with this in the course of history because of this taboo.
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But looking at the lifestyle and choices of people who live in particularly hot and sweat-inducing parts of our world, they can probably key us in on key paths forward.
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This part of the world is known as the chafe sector, or the equator, if you will.
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It's well established that these parts of the world are
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There are two key things that can improve your life.
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Cleanliness and flowiness.
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Cleanliness is simple.
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And as often as you can remove the sweat from the equation, it'll cut down on chafe.
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I would add, you have to put proper drying techniques into your cleanliness routine.
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Otherwise, you're just introducing wet and heat, which is bad.
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If don't dry off well, things go poorly for you when it comes to chafe.
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That was my trouble again at the at the water event.
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When you get wet and then you sit in the wet, things get randy really fast.
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It's not good.
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it's it's it's very bad.
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Flowiness refers to some of the the the dress and and garment choices of folks in this part of the world.
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They dress like some strange prince with flowy pants or like a hipster whose mom is prepping for pool day.
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They just got these like it's like impossibly baggy white linen pants.
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And it's like this is a white mom phenomenon.
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It has to be.
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Flowy pants and baggy clothes help you stay cool and reduces the opportunity for chafe because those clothes are not getting up on you and rubbing on you.
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I want to push back on one notion of flowiness when it comes to chafing.
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One of the tactics that I have that I have leaned into, and this is what I mean by as you get older, you discover things as an adult that are like, I slept on this for my youth.
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And now
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I'm discovering it and I I could have saved myself so much trouble.
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But one tactic is using clothes to actually create an anti chafe barrier between you and the other thick parts of you.
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If you're a big person, you got you got cracks and crevices that might not be standard issue, let's say.
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One of the things you can do is help like mitigate that through some undergarments that are tighter fitting.
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It's okay.
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It's not that they're too tight, but they're they're not as baggy as maybe some of the outside clothes are.
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That's okay.
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It helps cut down.
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Tight drawers that go down a little longer than you thought you wanted are actually a great path forward for fighting chafe.
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So I push back on the flowiness argument, but all of this, this conversation about chafe and the history of um,
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Things that we are not the main thing we're concerned with here.
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We're looking we're gonna look at old methods for decreasing chafe, not just cleaning and and wearing specific type of clothes, but specifically products and things that people
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have used throughout the centuries to cut down on chaf.
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And then having looked at those historical products, we're going to do a little bit of ranked experiment ourselves.
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So first we want to look specifically at products that people have employed to better the nut sack swamp.
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To discuss this, it may be better to take kind of a cultural stroll through the options before we explore the present landscape that we have available today.
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The ancient Greeks and Romans understood that clothes caused a lot of problems in the chafing area.
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First, I think it's funny thinking of ancient Greeks sitting around talking about how their thighs are chafed.
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there's something about the Greek people that in my brain, they
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They're just a thoughtful people.
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And just having them sit around and discuss philosophically like the nature of their like butt crack chafing is is just it's funny to me.
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But the Greeks would famously train and exercise for their Greek games in the nude to reduce friction and resulting chafing that causes from said friction.
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It would do a lot.
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But it wouldn't do everything.
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You can't get rid of all of the crevices and friction just by being in the buff.
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Sweat collects, first of all, primarily in our crevasses.
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Thank you, mister Grills.
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And so they would employ balms and other methods to reduce this concern.
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There's a universal truth that proves true every time.
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That's why it's universal.
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And that's if you grease up a hog, it's hard to catch.
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That swine is tough to snag.
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And so if the oil slippies up the hog, maybe it can slippy up my crevasses.
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Greek and Roman athletes would lube up their bodies with olive oil to help with the chafe problem.
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And if you think for a moment, if you're like, well, yeah, but like armpits and cracks of the legs, maybe, if you think for a second they didn't get that olive oil on their
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nethers, you know they had to get up in there with.
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Things can be applied to the human body, it turns out, to decrease friction and in turn, decrease chafing.
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One trend is clear.
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While there's no shortage of ways written to deal with sweat, none of them really sought to address specifically the crotch and ball sog and chaff.
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While the Greeks turned to olive oil, as it was readily available to the area, other cultures turned to fat and animal tallow to lube up in the heat.
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I have to imagine that all this oil and fat did the opposite of preventing sunburn too, which then I just can't I all I can think of is is Aristotle getting a sunburn on his
18:28
little Aristotle.
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It's it's a tough look.
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It's a tough look for Aristotle.
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Some treatments that are akin to the oil and fat method in modern day find their rest in petroleum jelly.
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Which consequently, when I was working hot, sweaty outside summer days in the heat of the Montana sun, petroleum jelly was my best friend.
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I would jelly up my cracks and legs just because I knew it's gonna be hot, there's gonna be dust and hay and junk, and I'm gonna be out moving.
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And loading stuff and move and you gotta jelly up before you get out there.
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You just have to.
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In my thick days again, like the the petroleum jelly simultaneously soothes past chafe and lubricates against future chafe.
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While we're here, there are a few salves and rinses and astringents astringence, that's a fun word, that were used that were focused less on lubricating and more just like soothing
19:38
and causing relief of the thing.
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Witch hazel.
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Which witch hazel.
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I'll be honest, I didn't know about witch hazel until I was fully an adult.
19:51
My wife, my wife
19:53
Asked me to go buy witch hazel.
19:55
And I thought, surely this is a prank to see if I would fall for the Hoodoo Mama Juju and ask for some worker, like, hey, huh.
20:03
Do you know where the witch hazel's at?
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And they just stare at me like I'm some strange witch doctor from the middle of nowhere.
20:10
Pranked, if you will.
20:12
But it's a thing.
20:13
And it was used by indigenous cultures to soothe burn skin and reduce sweating.
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Apple cider vinegar.
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Which nowadays I think has made a resurgence.
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Thanks, white women.
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Just saying.
20:26
I'm just saying.
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Was rubbed in antiquity underneath arms and feet, or for our purposes, in the cracks and crevices, to kill odor causing bacteria and provide a type of drying sensation.
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Other peoples would infuse wax and lard with chamomile and calendula or black tea and aloe.
20:49
A variety of things would be mixed to and poured into the bath, including salts, coffee, stay tuned, tea, maybe stay tuned, and oils.
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This was done with the thought that it would close or shrink up the pores, resulting in less sweating, resulting in less wet, resulting in less fick friction, resulting in the
21:13
end, in less chafe.
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Sometimes you have to play the long game to get things done in the chafe in the chafe section of your life.
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And while this is all about keeping clean and lubing up, there's one more tried and tested method of drying.
21:33
The ancient Egyptians and Romans are recorded as using alum powder, naturally occurring potassium alum, to both constrict sweat glands to keep you from sweating and to kill odor.
21:47
For a long time, this was the very technology that pretty much every antiperspirant on the market employed.
21:55
Really rubbing rocks on the cracks to help things along.
21:58
What's what's Tony doing?
22:00
He's rubbing that Alum rock on his on his zone to keep the sweat at bay.
22:09
Lycopodium powder, which is what we call it that's what we call it.
22:15
I don't know.
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Keep saying smooth and dry.
22:17
Lycopodium powder is made from the dried spores of a club moss plant.
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People from times past would rub these dried s moss spores on themselves to help prevent moisture.
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Turns out lycopodium power powder is also very flammable.
22:37
So keep that.
22:38
Note before you powder up, it's flammable, insofar as is it a fine powder, and is actually used by fire breathers for what they call a dragon's breath effect.
22:50
Natural remedies of the past for sweat and chafe include cornstarch.
22:55
No.
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And arrowroot.
22:58
I will say from my survey into the scene, Arrowroot, though something I did not know about until doing research and buying some of these products, stay tuned.
23:08
Um appears often in the products I sampled.
23:12
I think cornstarch is a really bad move though.
23:15
I think it's a really bad move.
23:17
If you get a if you get a pizza, if you go get a pie from little ske little s sneezers, the bottom of that thing is just dusted with cornstarch.
23:26
And if grease gets involved and water gets introduced, it's chaos out there.
23:32
To introduce
23:34
To introduce sweat to the cornstarch mixture seems bad.
23:38
Like
23:41
Seems bad.
23:44
The thought that I accidentally make a gluten-free pizza crust with my butt crack when it's hot out is not exactly what I'm going for.
23:52
Just saying.
23:53
There are records of Romans using coal or and combining it with oils and fats to help sweat and friction problems.
24:04
I think coal is also an amazing choice.
24:08
That had to have interacted well when you started to sweat, and all of a sudden your armpits are stained black.
24:14
For goodness sakes.
24:16
Similarly, chalk can be used to help keep things dry.
24:20
What's weird is this is a pretty modern thing, being employed at the turn of the 20th century by weightlifters and gymnasts.
24:29
In ancient times, chalk was eaten more often than used topically as they believed it had benefits to digestion.
24:38
What did have a greater use for absorption of moisture purposes was tau.
24:43
In fact, of all the options that we've talked about, this is one of the most written about and discussed methods for odor elimination and moisture absorption.
24:55
Prior to the 1900s, talcum powder was the primary means of fighting chafe with odor elimination and sweat absorption.
25:04
It was made from mineral talc and was often very finely crushed into a powder.
25:10
It was more widely embraced and discussed because it had its this sophistication of dusting talc on.
25:19
While anyone could use it, talcum powder was marketed primarily to women.
25:24
Again, not many ads calling for men to talc up their zone.
25:29
At the time, men not having body odor was perceived as feminine.
25:34
If you don't reek, you might be a girl.
25:36
You know what?
25:38
I'm gonna say that's stupid.
25:40
I don't want to sniff your stink, brother.
25:43
Deodorize, take a flippin' shower.
25:46
Nobody wants to smell that.
25:48
It's gross.
25:50
What's curious is this talcum powder could be toxic.
25:54
Turns out talc and asbestos are mined often from similar or nearby sources.
25:59
Cross contamination or mixing the minerals could cause there to be a cancer causing agent within the talcum powder.
26:09
Also, because talcum powder is dusted on and it has those particles get up in the air, it can easily be breathed in by one looking to fight chafe, hazardous to one's health, but
26:21
good for fighting the the the crotch sweats.
26:26
This is why there's such a push towards cornstarch based powders.
26:29
It's wild.
26:31
And so that is kind of like a brief survey of the options and some of the things that folks have done in.
26:38
in history to fight chafe.
26:41
But now we need to look at what we have available to us as men or ladies that want to use the product, I guess.
26:48
Um and we're gonna dive into another ranked anti-ball chafing edition.
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As always
26:57
These ranked anti-ball chafing editions, the ABC, if you will, will I go through all the contestants, like what what we've been in?
27:04
I have been, I have used all of these in the last two months, is why this episode's coming out a little bit, you know, this is being recorded pretty close.
27:11
I've used them all, I've sampled them all.
27:12
I will I will do my best to resample.
27:15
I ain't gonna I ain't gonna expose nothing.
27:17
That that ain't happening.
27:18
But I'm gonna do my best to like reevaluate some smell things.
27:23
I will share my experience from each.
27:25
I have some notes.
27:27
Um and then we have some unique tests as always when we do a ranked on privy.
27:32
So these will be the hand-on test.
27:36
I'll tell you about that.
27:37
The Dr.
27:38
Tingle test, the I don't know what to do with my hands, the friction test, the skid mark test, the Pizza Planet Cornmeal Monkey Test, and the slip and slide test.
27:51
Again, some of these will be patched in later, but for the most part,
27:56
I'll be here recording the bulk of these tests.
28:00
And so let's dive in to ranked ABC Anti Ball Chafe Edition.
28:08
Or first, I'm getting this out of the way because I think it's probably the most well-known brand in the mix, is Old Spice, Total Body, Absorb Sweat, Aluminum Free,
28:19
Mandarin and Sandalwood.
28:21
It says gentle from pits to toes.
28:26
So while this is not designed specifically for
28:32
The junk, it worked there.
28:33
Mando whole body deodorant.
28:35
It says for pits, packages, and feet, bourbon leather scented.
28:39
That's a little mini one.
28:41
It's the smallest one I had.
28:43
This is my like manscaped crop preserver.
28:50
Everyman jacks below the belt deodorant lotion.
28:55
Featuring oat powder.
28:56
More on that in a little bit.
28:57
We have Balzies Ballgard liquid powder.
29:03
Reduce sweat, irritation, odor.
29:04
That's what we're going for.
29:08
Blue balls, ball deodorant, original scent, anti-chafing, sweat protection, and o aluminum paraben free.
29:18
It's pretty good.
29:19
I don't want any parabens on my on my stuff.
29:21
Happy nuts comfort cream.
29:23
Yeah.
29:24
It's a lotion to powder, sweat protection, odor neutralization.
29:27
You get the idea.
29:28
This is the only one that I think was marketed specifically to women, but yeah.
29:36
It's Hume.
29:37
All body deodorant.
29:38
It says deodorant balm for pits, feet, down there and everywhere.
29:43
So, you know, the junk is everywhere.
29:48
Super Fresh Man Deodorant Comfort Cream for Man parts.
29:53
Dr.
29:53
Squatch's anti-chafing precision deo used to be used to be marketed differently.
29:59
I will say this.
30:00
Dr.
30:00
Squatch changed their marketing on their on their.
30:03
They used to call it just ball deodorant.
30:05
Just putting it up there.
30:06
And Dr.
30:07
Squatch backed down on that.
30:09
That's a mark.
30:10
It's a mark against him in my book.
30:14
We have.
30:14
Fresh body, fresh ball, anti-chafing deodorant lotion.
30:19
Our our only tub screw top tub is Happy Sack Cooling Cream.
30:28
Stay tuned.
30:29
And then we had two powders.
30:30
We had the Chassis Men Care and the AMB Anti-Monkey Butt Company Anti-Friction Body Powder.
30:38
So those are our contestants.
30:41
And I want to share my thoughts.
30:42
I'm just gonna
30:43
run through these really quickly.
30:45
Just like some hands-on things as we go.
30:48
So Manscaped Crop Preserver, I like it.
30:51
It's actually like one of the ones that I have in my normal rotation.
30:56
I I would give this easily a four out of five.
30:58
Um yeah.
31:01
No complaints.
31:02
Uh now Mando, it first of all, this size was the only size that I could get off the internet.
31:10
I can find it in stores.
31:11
And also
31:12
All of these stores, they don't sell this stuff.
31:14
It's really annoying.
31:15
You go in to buy nether deodorant and they're Yeah, we don't have none of that.
31:19
We've never even heard of it.
31:21
And it's like, stop.
31:23
The internet has it.
31:24
My Amazon.com purchases were wild there for a week or so.
31:28
But this was fine.
31:31
Seventy two hour odor control is what it boasts.
31:35
I I didn't find that to be true.
31:37
Um it's a three.
31:40
It's a it's a three out of five for me.
31:42
Three out five on the Mando.
31:43
Old Spice.
31:45
The Old Spice is fine.
31:47
It it kind of has the same concern that the Mando has.
31:51
And that is like again, it says 24 7 protection.
31:57
Whatever.
31:57
Like I didn't notice that I didn't sweat.
32:00
It says sweat absorbing.
32:01
I didn't notice much uh that the actual experience of it, I would give it a three.
32:08
Like that's just, it wasn't like this this is awful.
32:11
Um
32:12
But I I wasn't going over here like, this is the best thing ever.
32:17
Uh blue balls, I actually liked this one.
32:20
One of the things that that goes into this factoring is this is what I noticed.
32:26
Yep, see, is when you open them, they get this little this little dried like lotion booger.
32:32
I hate that.
32:34
I hate the lotion booger.
32:36
and most of these suffered from lotion boogering.
32:41
Blue balls was 3.5 for me.
32:43
It's fine.
32:44
Like, nothing.
32:45
I don't know.
32:47
It didn't seem revolutionary.
32:48
Super fresh man.
32:50
Again, we're just kind of in the middle.
32:52
I will say, because of the depressed, like it does get a little bump up.
32:57
I would probably give it a three, but I'm gonna bump it up to a three point five because it didn't suffer from boogerage, which was kind of cool.
33:05
I liked that it didn't suffer from boogerage.
33:10
The Fresh Balls anti-chafing cream.
33:13
Um, yeah, see, big city booger up there.
33:17
That's a big booger.
33:18
you don't want a bunch of boogers in your ball cream, that's for sure.
33:22
It was fine.
33:23
You know, I it it's it's again, it's a middle of the pack.
33:28
I would say a three on it.
33:31
Dr.
33:32
Squampsh.
33:32
Now, Dr.
33:33
Squamps is interesting because it is a go on dang booger fell out of it.
33:39
It is a go on wet, dries to a powder.
33:42
it's it's kinda weird.
33:44
It's a three point five for me, and I'll and I'll explain why here in just a moment.
33:49
So the the squatch is a three point five.
33:53
Now, this could be because this was marketed to women, but Hume was actually one of my favorite of these to mess with.
34:00
It has this like screw.
34:02
You're not getting a booger.
34:04
It came out a lot, but it was also just like, I don't know.
34:09
It it was just the the packaging was simple.
34:12
It it just made sense.
34:14
Again, it's I think it's marketed to women, but Hume Supernatural, I'm giving it a four.
34:18
It was great.
34:20
Happy nuts.
34:20
Now.
34:21
I want to I want to notice the anti boogering of Happy Nuts.
34:24
It's very good.
34:26
I'm a big fan of Happy Nuts.
34:28
This is why Dr.
34:29
Squatch gets a 3.5.
34:31
Because as far as these like liquid to powder, lotion to powder, Happy Nuts is my go to for the lotion to powder.
34:39
At least it was.
34:40
I'm gonna give it a four.
34:41
It's very good.
34:42
And I like that there's not not a lot of boogering that happens.
34:46
but similarly, is the Ball guard liquid powder.
34:50
Now,
34:52
The problem is we got Big City Booger.
34:54
However, this is going to get a 3.5 along with the Squatch because if this didn't have the booger, it would have probably bumped out the Happy Nets.
35:05
Just saying.
35:05
But ball guard, ball powder, liquid ball powder, a very good, big fan.
35:11
3.5 on that.
35:13
Everyman Jack, deodorant lotion.
35:16
Listen.
35:18
From what I can tell, Everyman Jack is like the
35:22
retail store version of like, we gotta do this and like it make it kind of cheaper, every man, whatever.
35:30
It's fine.
35:30
It's a three.
35:31
It it's not none of these were like, man, this is this is really bad.
35:37
I got flipping ball deodorant booger all over my computer.
35:40
Ugh.
35:43
Gross.
35:45
Um, the anti-monkey butt powder was actually like had chamomile for soothing effect.
35:52
It wasn't bad.
35:54
Now, I don't know how I feel about powders.
35:56
I'm gonna give it a three only because I I don't know where I'm at on this powder game.
36:01
And that also brings us to our other powder, chassis.
36:05
I I I'm going a th no, I'm gonna do 3.5 on the monkey butt, and I'm gonna do a three on the chassis because I did like the monkey butt more, but
36:13
I would never pick it over over a good like wet app wet applied.
36:20
And then last but surely not least in this mix is the happy sack.
36:28
Cooling cream.
36:32
I actually liked this product.
36:34
It was good.
36:35
As far as use, it it worked well, but I it was like you don't get a lot for how much you're using.
36:44
And so I I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go with 3.5.
36:47
So just like the overall win the the standouts are Hume Supernatural, Manscaped, Crop Preserver, and and Happy Nets.
36:56
an honorable mention goes to Dude Wipes' Dude Powder.
37:01
they've discontinued it.
37:02
I wish they hadn't.
37:02
I would have loved to have tested it and had it on here.
37:06
so that's just like how it treated me.
37:07
They all treated me well.
37:08
I didn't have any like weird reactions.
37:10
There was no itching, there was there wasn't any chafing.
37:13
They all worked.
37:14
There's just a lot of middle of the pack in this.
37:17
And so the next was the Dr.
37:20
Tingle test.
37:21
Now, the Dr.
37:22
Tingle test is tough because sometimes you you don't generally want the tingle.
37:29
Um
37:31
But sometimes you want that, the like there's something going on.
37:35
And here's what I'm gonna tell you.
37:36
Every single one of these, all of them, had a zero on the tingle chart.
37:43
That is, with the exception of the Happy Sack Derm Dude cooling cream, it gets a three.
37:52
There was there was some cooling feeling to what was going on.
37:56
And the other one that I was pleasantly surprised.
38:01
had this going on was the chassis sorry I had to check my notes was the chassis man care for down there powder.
38:11
Um now this is the ice max flavor not sure if that has anything to do with it but it got a three on the tingle ah the I don't know what to do with my hands test is the ease of
38:23
application.
38:23
I'm gonna tell you right now.
38:26
If you there there is a there is a sliding scale.
38:29
So I'm gonna I'm gonna go through these.
38:31
The the low scorers on the on the one-handed test immediately.
38:37
The powders, they score low on a one-handed test.
38:41
Reason being is because there's no way to have your underwear like hold them open and powder your stuff with one hand.
38:49
So both our powders get a one on the I don't know what to do with my hands.
38:55
Also, getting a one is the happy sack cream.
38:59
Now, you can do a one-handed gosh top removal, but as you saw, I threw the lid at the at you.
39:07
It's not good.
39:08
So when you got one hand and you're trying to do stuff with the junk, this ain't it.
39:13
This also gets a one.
39:14
Happy sack's on a one.
39:17
From there, any of them that have a removable cap.
39:21
That's like you have to kind of like I just did, then you kind of have to do this number.
39:25
They can't score higher than a two.
39:28
So Hume, every man is is scoring on the two.
39:34
Now, our are threes moving into fours are the folks who've got the flip top.
39:40
Now, the flip top is key because you got one hand and you can really get in there, but it's it's tough because you gotta be able to on yourself.
39:48
So these the flip tops.
39:50
They're all going to be a three, but I will share.
39:52
There is two that stand out in this point.
39:57
So the two that stand out are the manscaped crop preserver because theirs is the only one with the pushdown opening.
40:08
And it that is super nice to use.
40:12
it was super nice to have that.
40:14
Manscaped got a four for their bottling.
40:18
and the other one that gets it is is Happy Nuts because theirs is so easy to open and their bottle is small enough to where you can actually maneuver it.
40:30
It's super easy cap.
40:32
And so though I don't know what to do with my hands, Happy Nuts also gets a four.
40:37
Now that's a lot of the the like hmm like what what do we got going on?
40:44
One of the things is is the smell.
40:47
And we're gonna sniff all these today, but but we're gonna go through these one at a time to to just give them a good sniffing to make sure that our due diligence has been
40:59
performed.
41:00
So, first up on the list is manscaped crop preserver.
41:05
And I'm gonna I'm gonna do my my best diligence by actually getting into the
41:11
See it just it smells clean.
41:13
I'll be honest.
41:14
Part of the reason it's nice is because it's very subtle.
41:17
It just kind of smells like clean people.
41:19
But I'm I'm gonna give it a 2.5.
41:21
I'll give it a three.
41:22
It's not bad, but you know, it's nothing crazy.
41:25
We're not we're not trying to overpower anything.
41:28
It gets a three.
41:28
Ballsy.
41:32
Ball guard.
41:32
There's no way to access this other than just almost no smell.
41:39
Almost no smell is what I'd say.
41:40
That that gets a two for me.
41:44
Almost no smell.
41:45
Dr.
41:46
Squatch.
41:48
This is the Rainforest Rapids flavor.
41:52
that's good.
41:54
that's nice.
41:55
Yeah, yeah.
41:55
The Rainforest Rapids is good.
41:56
We're gonna we're gonna go a 3.5 on that.
42:00
Yeah.
42:01
An easy, an easy 3.5.
42:04
An easy 3.5 for the Dr.
42:06
Squatch Ball Bear.
42:07
Hume Supernatural.
42:08
Now, I'm gonna tell you something.
42:12
yes, it's very coconutty.
42:14
Now, if you don't like to smell coconut on your zone, if you don't like to smell coconut on your coconuts, this is gonna be a problem, but this is a standout.
42:22
This is the one when I used it, I was like, that was good smelling.
42:25
4.5 out of five.
42:27
Very good.
42:28
Super fresh.
42:30
Down there.
42:31
Man, down there cream.
42:35
Again, it smells clean.
42:36
It's nothing crazy.
42:37
We'll we'll give it a three.
42:38
We're not we're not revolutionizing anything.
42:42
Happy nuts, again, a a show favorite here.
42:48
See, happy nuts is it's got that clean smell, but it just it's just got a little bit extra.
42:53
We're we're we're yeah, yeah, it's it to me that's right behind Hume.
43:00
It's gonna stay at a four.
43:02
Fresh balls.
43:04
I'm losing her.
43:05
I'm losing her.
43:08
Fresh balls has no distinguishable smell.
43:10
That's gonna be a two for me, my dude.
43:15
Monkey butt nut powder.
43:17
This is gonna be tough because I'm definitely gonna get this everywhere.
43:22
That actively smells bad to me.
43:23
I'm gonna huff the powder, but I can't smell anything.
43:29
I'm gonna go with a one.
43:31
I'm gonna go with a one.
43:32
Sorry, monkey butt.
43:33
It's it's just the sniff of it is not doing it.
43:36
Chassis men care.
43:40
Yeah, see, this this smells like this smells like somebody just cleaned their car.
43:44
Like that's what it gives out.
43:45
I'm I'm going 2.5.
43:47
It does have a smell, so I have to rank it higher than the ones that didn't.
43:51
Um is total body.
43:52
Now, this is another one that when you come to smell, yeah, see, it stands out to me.
43:58
That's a that's a 4.5 on the old spice total body.
44:03
This one specifically, mang mandarin sandalwood flavor.
44:07
So if you're if you're into that.
44:09
That's where it's at Mondo Body Dio.
44:15
yeah, this is the little guy.
44:17
The little guy back here.
44:18
Let's see.
44:20
Ooh, I remember this.
44:21
Yes.
44:22
Um now here's my trouble with the Mondo Baldio.
44:27
It could be so good, but the execution, it smells sour.
44:32
It actually smells bad.
44:33
It's got a strong smell, but it is sour.
44:35
I'm giving it a two.
44:37
Everyman Jack.
44:39
This is everyman's.
44:40
Remember, this is the standard of every man.
44:43
No distinguishable smell.
44:45
None at all.
44:49
geez, I got some on my finger.
44:51
Then record in the bathroom.
44:53
It's a two.
44:54
No distinguishable smell.
44:56
Happy sack.
44:57
Ball of cream.
44:59
See yeah, this i it could be so much, but it's just it it just smells like nothing.
45:06
It smells like unscented lotion, which is crazy.
45:09
And last but not least, blue balls.
45:12
We'll open her up here.
45:15
A good clean smell.
45:17
A good clean smell.
45:18
I have gotten it everywhere.
45:20
I don't know where the lid went.
45:21
That is gonna be a problem.
45:28
We are going to set you over there and hope that you don't goos out the end until we need it to.
45:35
But it's a three, it's it's a good clean, you know, good, good, clean smelling one.
45:40
The next test that we want to take a look at is the skid mark test.
45:45
The residue that this leaves.
45:48
Because what happens is when you put this stuff on, you you get your unders all you it's gonna get on your undos.
45:55
And if you got black undos, you it's gonna look like you got something going on.
46:00
And so the residue test, we have this.
46:04
I'm gonna use this t-shirt.
46:05
I'm gonna try to move some things around here on the show.
46:08
And what we're gonna do is we're going to one at a time just put a little bit on here and then we're gonna give it a moment and we're gonna continue on to the show and we're gonna
46:17
let it dry and we're gonna see.
46:21
So this is going to be working from oh I should probably do these in order so that way we we keep this organized.
46:28
There's no organization.
46:29
There's just cream.
46:30
It's bad.
46:32
Um yeah, we we better do these in order lest they we we get out of order and then not know which one's which.
46:39
So
46:42
That said.
46:44
First up is going to be the Manscaped Proc Crop Preserver.
46:48
And we are going to work this from the front bottom left of the shirt to the front bottom right of the shirt.
46:56
So we're just going to get a little bit on the finger.
47:00
Yep, just like that.
47:02
And then we're just gonna apply that just as if this was our underpants.
47:10
Okay, Manscaped Crop Preserver, applied ballsy, liquid ball guard.
47:16
There is booger going everywhere now.
47:21
Going on next.
47:24
Ballsy liquid ball guard, Dr.
47:25
Squatch, Ball Barrier.
47:29
I need to wipe my finger.
47:31
Let's let's keep the let's just keep the tissue on hand.
47:35
You know what I'm saying?
47:37
Hume.
47:38
Supernatural.
47:40
this is a thick job.
47:41
Look how thick that is.
47:44
Thick job.
47:45
That is gonna be tough to not.
47:52
Cause some cause some trouble.
47:55
Be tough to not cause some trouble with that bad boy.
47:57
Just give you a picture, give you an idea of what we're looking at there.
48:01
There you go.
48:02
We're four deep.
48:03
Hume supernatural's on.
48:05
Super fresh man.
48:06
Four down there.
48:08
Cream.
48:09
Happy nuts.
48:11
Big fan of the happinets.
48:13
The other problem with the Hume is I'm tempted to tr to eat it.
48:18
And I don't I don't want this show to be the place where like every time Hunter does a rank, he eats a bathroom product.
48:23
That's not what we're here for.
48:25
Um but I'd be lying if I said that the coconut did not tempt me in that way.
48:30
Okay, happy nuts.
48:34
Happy nuts applied.
48:37
Fresh balls.
48:40
That's blue balls.
48:41
We don't want that.
48:44
Fresh balls.
48:45
Where's fresh balls?
48:48
There he is.
48:52
That was wet.
48:54
Fresh balls.
48:55
Monkey butt powder.
48:57
Now this is gonna get, I think, maybe out of hand a little bit as I So try to just Lord have mercy.
49:04
The monkey butt powder is striking in this mix.
49:07
Um yeah.
49:09
Yeah.
49:10
Chassis.
49:12
Yep, yeah.
49:13
Monkey butt powder and chassis powder are not gonna not gonna bode well in this.
49:19
Old spice.
49:21
Mando body deodorant.
49:23
Phew.
49:24
Little guy here.
49:25
Little guy still has a flip Oh jeez, there's a lot.
49:29
Make sure we get the same amount as everybody else.
49:33
It's just everywhere.
49:35
That one smells so bad.
49:37
I hate it.
49:38
I hate the way it smells.
49:42
I hate it.
49:44
Everyman.
49:46
Happy sack.
49:48
Also thicker.
49:49
Also thicker.
49:51
And last but not least, and without a lid, is blue balls.
49:56
You don't like you know, blue balls is generally not a good thing, but let's see how they fare in this.
50:01
Okay.
50:03
So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do my best to put this
50:11
Away.
50:14
Until we need to come back and take a look.
50:18
There it is.
50:18
You can see our our striping.
50:20
We'll see how these fare in just a moment.
50:25
So next up is what I think is gonna be a very unique test.
50:28
I have here a sack of balls, a a a ball sack, if you will.
50:33
And what we're gonna do is I'm gonna test and see what amount of friction is decreased.
50:43
when when the the goo is applied to the thing.
50:47
And so like baseline friction, you know, you get that little you get that little heat rub from the tennis ball.
50:53
It's not good.
50:54
But we're gonna find out here what is
50:58
The amount that the thing does to reduce friction, because that's where we're here to reduce chafe.
51:08
How much chafe is reduced by each of these when rubbed on me?
51:14
So baseline, you know, I'm gonna give it a good back and forth.
51:19
I'm not, I'm not, this isn't in the zone like it usually is.
51:23
There.
51:25
To get a feel for it.
51:27
I will be wiping off my arm in between each one.
51:30
I'm gonna have to figure out a game plan for that.
51:32
Let's see.
51:34
So let's get started.
51:36
We're gonna start from the bottom with the with the blue balls.
51:39
So how this is gonna work, I'm gonna apply it to a different part of the tennis ball.
51:45
There she blows.
51:47
And then we're just gonna get back into it and see what the decrease is.
51:53
Now I will note it does feel like it decreased it.
51:57
Um it did make my arm smell better, which is kinda cool.
52:03
I I definitely did something.
52:04
You know, we'll give that we'll give we'll give that a three.
52:07
It wasn't nothing.
52:08
It wasn't nothing.
52:09
The supply drop.
52:10
We don't own wipes anymore because our baby our kids aren't in need of wipes.
52:15
Do you want me to get you like a a washcloth?
52:18
Yeah, washcloth is fine.
52:21
It's just something so I can wipe my arm off after I s after I test the friction of the lotion.
52:28
Just because you're discovering the streak test in real time doesn't mean that there needs to be comments.
52:34
Why is there a lid over here?
52:36
I dropped that earlier.
52:38
I have blue balls just open with no cap.
52:41
Great.
52:42
Now I have a cap.
52:43
Thank you.
52:43
I'm on I'm almost through the testing for f well, happy sack.
52:48
Let's find out if it is and you get a happy sack.
52:51
Make sure you get the cream on your balls.
52:52
That's important for this.
52:53
So I've already used that section of the test ball, so I'm gonna move to this section.
52:57
A little bit more because I want it to be a fair amount, just like I did on the last one.
53:02
Visible dollop.
53:03
And we rub.
53:06
Yeah.
53:08
I think it's better.
53:09
I do think it's better.
53:10
Derm Dude, happy sack.
53:12
I'm gonna give it a I'm gonna give it a 3.5.
53:17
I did think it was better.
53:18
Everyman Dio, moving to the everyman.
53:22
Gotta find the dry spot.
53:24
We gotta wet.
53:25
We had a wet spot.
53:26
We got a wet spot.
53:26
There's the dry spot right there.
53:29
Get some lotion on your on your ball.
53:31
And then you go for it.
53:35
Immediately not as good.
53:37
That's a two at 2.5 at best.
53:41
Every man wore down quick on that one.
53:45
Just a thinner, just a thinner application process.
53:49
uh So we're going to give, we're going to give.
53:53
Every man, we're gonna give it a 2.5.
53:56
Mando body deal.
53:57
Now this one I don't really know if I want my arms smelling like that.
54:01
Find okay, draw wet, wet, wet, wet, right there.
54:11
Little clump.
54:11
It's about as much as you need for one ball, I think, is about all you need.
54:16
And we're in.
54:18
Immediately bad.
54:20
Immediately bad.
54:21
This is a 2.5 as well.
54:22
About the same.
54:23
About the same as the everyman.
54:26
The smell is awful.
54:27
I don't like the smell.
54:28
Um it's not doing a lot on friction, on the friction front.
54:34
Old spice total body.
54:36
I'm not thinking this is gonna do a lot for okay now.
54:39
Once you've once you've got too much action on your tennis ball, on your ball, you're gonna have to get another one.
54:46
You gotta get your second ball in the in the mix.
54:47
So your second one.
54:49
And you get your your dollop old spice on there.
54:54
And we're in.
54:56
Yeah.
54:56
Nope.
54:58
Just as I suspected.
55:00
Does not do much for chafe and friction.
55:03
Yeah, that's gonna be that's gonna be an easy.
55:06
It's an easy two.
55:08
Just
55:09
Just broke down very, very quickly.
55:11
Now, this one's gonna be a mess, I believe.
55:13
This is chassis.
55:15
Can't go there.
55:16
We're gonna we're gonna get a good amount of this.
55:21
What I believe is a fair amount of the powder.
55:24
To really get a test, you can kind of see it there.
55:27
It looks like a little little bump of something on the top of my tennis, on the top of my ball.
55:35
And we're we're just gonna do our best.
55:36
We might have to invert the friction test a bit just to be fair on it, but
55:44
Okay.
55:45
So it's actually somehow that's baffling.
55:50
It wasn't the worst thing.
55:51
That's that's easily a three.
55:53
I'm I'm shocked.
55:54
I thought that was gonna be a one.
55:56
and now I'm excited for the monkey butt because it's an anti butt chafing powder.
56:00
this one doesn't have as focused of a pour though, so this could be kind of a nightmare to get a get a pile of it out, but we'll do our best.
56:13
Best we can
56:16
That's the best we can do.
56:17
So you can see we had our pile of anti-monkey butt and we're going for it.
56:24
Man, I will be dipped.
56:28
The powders are are doing phenomenally.
56:31
That one was better.
56:32
3.5 on the friction.
56:34
Wow.
56:35
Powder.
56:36
Who'd have thought?
56:39
Lots of people, I suppose, but you know.
56:42
Okay.
56:43
I had to sniff my ball to see which part is it.
56:45
Fresh balls lotion.
56:47
Where are you?
56:48
You are.
56:50
Back to some wet offerings here.
56:53
Little dollop of daisy.
56:55
And I do think I'm gonna switch to the other arm now just for posterity's sake.
56:59
So Yeah, that's not holding up well.
57:03
Yeah, that's a two.
57:04
That's a two point five.
57:05
Two point five
57:08
Okay, happy nuts.
57:09
Now, I I think the friction factor of happy nuts is going to be its worst performing section.
57:16
We're gonna get fresh ball because we've used four all four c quadrants.
57:20
Happy nuts, a little bit thicker, which it could bode well for us here, but let's give her a shot.
57:27
Okay, so it's better, it's better than fresh balls.
57:31
Not much.
57:32
I'm gonna put 2.5 to be fair, because it wasn't much better.
57:39
Super fresh man for down there cream.
57:43
You know, I never thought I'd be sitting on the internet putting ball cream onto tennis balls, but here we are.
57:50
that's actually giving me a freaking rug burn.
57:52
No, super fresh for down there.
57:54
That's gonna be that's gonna be a two.
57:55
Almost did did nothing.
57:57
Um, not a great experience.
57:59
Hume Supernatural.
58:00
This is the one that I think is marketed to women.
58:02
We'll see if it reduces friction.
58:05
More so.
58:08
See if women have friction problems bigger than men.
58:11
There this is thicker, I will note.
58:13
Thick it is.
58:14
It's like its own it's like its own shape.
58:17
It's almost like putty.
58:19
It's kind of crazy.
58:19
Okay.
58:21
Hume supernatural.
58:24
Oh, that's definitely better.
58:27
I am feeling it.
58:28
I'm gonna give that a three.
58:29
But that was as good as the chassis.
58:31
As good as the chassis.
58:32
I would say that.
58:33
I would say that.
58:34
Doctor Squatch, we got one more quadrant.
58:37
Doctor Squatch.
58:39
Ball barrier.
58:39
I need to wipe.
58:42
The arm off.
58:43
Dr.
58:44
Squatch.
58:46
The idea is is that this is, you know, your ball and this is your leg and that it's interacting.
58:52
So let's get into it.
58:55
Yeah.
58:56
Not much to say there.
58:57
It I'll give it a two point five.
58:59
It's no worse than happiness for sure.
59:04
Last two gotta get a fresh ball.
59:08
Gotta get a fresh ball.
59:09
In my ball sack here and grab
59:12
Balsey Ballgard liquid powder.
59:17
Get your dollar?
59:18
Go back to this arm design.
59:21
Hmm.
59:22
it started out strong and then faded.
59:25
Hmm.
59:26
We're gonna go we're gonna go with 2.5 on that.
59:29
Nothing nothing to write home about.
59:31
And manscaped crop preserver.
59:35
Naw, dang, that's not a good showing for crop preserver.
59:38
I was really hoping that it would do better on that.
59:40
No.
59:41
I felt that for sure too.
59:44
Ooh.
59:45
Yeah, I'm feeling that big time.
59:48
Okay, so with the friction test in the books, it's looking like happy sack ball love cream and monkey butt nut powder coming out on top.
59:57
Pretty great.
59:58
Let's check back in on the streak test.
1:00:02
I don't know if we're dried yet or if I just painted a t-shirt, but uh it's looking wet.
1:00:07
Next is the Pizza Planet Cornmeal Monkey Test.
1:00:11
What this is, is how does it interact or not interact in the presence of water or in the case of a person?
1:00:18
I gotta back up.
1:00:19
I don't I don't I don't soak anything out here.
1:00:22
You know what I'm saying?
1:00:23
but when you sweat, the product's gonna interact with that sweat.
1:00:28
What is its interaction when it does so?
1:00:31
So let's.
1:00:32
Get our test laid out here.
1:00:35
So, what I'm going to do is I'm going to put a bit of it on my finger, and then I'm going to dip it in.
1:00:40
Let me get my finger wet and put on my finger.
1:00:42
And I'm going to see what it does.
1:00:45
So, we're going to start, we're going to start at the bottom of the order again with blue balls.
1:00:49
You got to start with blue balls.
1:00:50
A lot of times, a lot of people start with blue balls.
1:00:52
So, I think I need to get my finger wet first.
1:00:54
So, there.
1:00:56
A wet finger, blue balls on.
1:01:00
And the cornmeal monkey test is seeing if it will turn into like a weird whatever over time.
1:01:07
Now, I will say this is mostly just running.
1:01:10
It's not a cornmeal monkey.
1:01:12
It's not like doing a lot of drying that I noticed.
1:01:16
So the the blue balls is gonna get middle of the road 2.5.
1:01:21
It it didn't dry.
1:01:22
Next up, happy sack.
1:01:26
Couple fingers.
1:01:28
Now again, I don't notice much drying happening.
1:01:31
This one definitely didn't immediately turn to water like the other.
1:01:35
And this one stuck around.
1:01:36
It had a little bit longer life.
1:01:38
We'll give it a three.
1:01:39
Nothing crazy.
1:01:40
Nothing to nothing to go hog wild about, but definitely did better than the than the blue balls.
1:01:47
We'll we'll do a three on that one.
1:01:50
Everyman Jack Yeah, this is this is doing the same thing as as blue balls.
1:01:55
Nothing nothing to see.
1:01:58
Same thing.
1:02:00
Mando body dia.
1:02:04
This is the one that I hate the smell of.
1:02:06
I think the smell is atrocious.
1:02:08
I think it's bad.
1:02:09
I think it just gooshed everywhere.
1:02:11
Son of a gun.
1:02:13
Dang it.
1:02:14
It's everywhere.
1:02:15
Shoot.
1:02:17
Yeah, it's it's nothing.
1:02:18
It just it just immediately everything's wet.
1:02:21
Synopsis of this episode is everything's wet.
1:02:26
Two.
1:02:26
I'm giving it a two.
1:02:27
I hated it that much.
1:02:28
Okay.
1:02:30
Old spice.
1:02:32
Little dip, a little doll.
1:02:35
Same thing as all the others.
1:02:36
2.5.
1:02:37
Nothing crazy.
1:02:39
2.5.
1:02:41
Chassis.
1:02:42
Now, this one could be something different.
1:02:44
This could.
1:02:47
Hmm.
1:02:49
Yeah, I I really wanted it to pizza up better, but the chassis powder was actually worse than the happy sag.
1:02:55
It's kind of crazy.
1:02:57
Raven 2.5, nothing to see.
1:02:59
Nothing care about.
1:03:00
Monkey butt.
1:03:01
This is our best bet.
1:03:03
Man, it just kind of turns to liquid chalk.
1:03:05
No good.
1:03:07
No good.
1:03:08
We're not doing it.
1:03:09
2.5.
1:03:10
Really disappointing.
1:03:11
Now, I'm gonna be honest with you.
1:03:14
This was this was sad.
1:03:15
The ones that I thought would do really great on that did not perform.
1:03:18
Um, and I'm pretty sure that as we get through all of these that are equally thin powders, they're all gonna just be twos and two point fives.
1:03:26
So for the sake of for the Pizza Planet Cornmeal Monkey test, um
1:03:32
Happy Sack Ball Love seemed to do the most to absorb anything, which was crazy because it wasn't one of the powders.
1:03:37
The powders just kind of kept moving.
1:03:39
He kind of grew.
1:03:41
Hated it.
1:03:42
Kind of smell okay.
1:03:43
And that brings us to the end of our testing.
1:03:47
So I'm going to tabulate the results and then I will be back to tell you who the winner is.
1:03:54
Wait, we have to check back in with our skid marks before we tabulate these results.
1:04:00
Absolutely baffling.
1:04:01
Okay, this is some telling stuff actually.
1:04:05
This is actually very good.
1:04:06
So remember, the higher the score, man, I got powder everywhere.
1:04:10
The higher the score on the skid mark, the less it shows up.
1:04:16
Now, beginning over here, over here is manscaped, manscaped crop preserver.
1:04:28
And as you can see.
1:04:30
It's a little residue, but not much.
1:04:32
It's gonna get a four.
1:04:35
Next up, right there, that's a that's a very visible bit.
1:04:41
Ballsy ball guard.
1:04:42
Yeah, that's gonna be a two.
1:04:44
Very visible.
1:04:46
Followed by the Dr.
1:04:47
Squatch Ball Barrier at a one.
1:04:49
That's so, so and it's dry.
1:04:52
Like.
1:04:55
It pretty much dried that that much.
1:04:57
I'm gonna let this like finish its process, but like truly, it's crazy out here.
1:05:06
Dr.
1:05:06
Squatch gets a one.
1:05:09
Hume supernatural.
1:05:11
Hume supernatural.
1:05:12
It's about same.
1:05:13
We'll give it a two though.
1:05:15
Super fresh down there.
1:05:17
Same.
1:05:18
We're going a two.
1:05:20
Happy nuts.
1:05:21
Now happy nuts is on the edge it's darker, but in the center it's a lot lighter.
1:05:26
I'm gonna give it a two point five.
1:05:28
I was really hoping for a better showing from that one.
1:05:32
But two point five for happy nuts.
1:05:36
Fresh balls, about the same, maybe a little lighter, two.
1:05:41
Next one's a one though.
1:05:43
Like we're struggling.
1:05:47
Next, this is the monkey butt powder.
1:05:50
Now it actually stayed exactly the way it was.
1:05:53
It's gotta get a two.
1:05:55
Followed by our next powder, which is here, about the same at a two.
1:06:02
Old Spice Total Body was actually.
1:06:05
Pretty light.
1:06:06
We're gonna give Old Spice Total Body a three.
1:06:12
Mando Body Dio is a two for sure.
1:06:15
And it smells bad.
1:06:17
Everyman Jack.
1:06:21
Right here.
1:06:22
Man, that's not bad.
1:06:23
It's about the same as the old spice.
1:06:25
Give that a three as well.
1:06:26
Happy Sack Ball Love Cream over here.
1:06:30
That is prominent.
1:06:31
Yeah, that cream did not fare well.
1:06:34
It's gonna get a two.
1:06:35
And the best one actually just tying over here is blue balls.
1:06:41
Getting a four.
1:06:44
Leave that down there.
1:06:44
I'll let that dry for some social media pictures.
1:06:47
Alright, now we will tabulate our results for a ranked ABC.
1:06:52
And so with the results tabulated, we actually have a three-way tie between manscaped crop preserver, happy nut.
1:07:06
And coming out of nowhere at the end, blue balls ball deodorant.
1:07:13
So that's our ranked.
1:07:15
Those are our privy preferred anti-chafe downstairs ball anti-chafing deodorants.
1:07:23
Let us know what you think.
1:07:24
I'll try to keep it in the comments.
1:07:27
You can send us an email, privycast at gmail.com.
1:07:29
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1:07:32
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1:07:33
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1:07:35
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1:07:40
As a reminder to keep pooping in the free world, this free world was not always free.
1:07:43
And in pursuit of cleaner water for all, not everybody has it, but everybody should.
1:07:47
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1:07:50
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1:07:51
Thank you to those who have bought merch and are rep in the show.
1:07:54
Please do that.
1:07:55
It helps people discover the show.
1:07:56
Just this week I was wearing my hat and a guy said, whoa.
1:07:59
Show about bathrooms.
1:08:00
Do you listen to that?
1:08:01
And I said, no, I make it.
1:08:02
so you too can say you listen to a show about bathrooms.
1:08:06
Once again, we want to thank Kevin and Poddington for the use of their music.
1:08:09
You can find all the links to the sources and our music used down in the ding-dong below.
1:08:13
This has been another episode of Preview Keep Pooper in the Free World, Blue Bup the Downstairs.
1:08:18
And now, as always, don't forget to flush.