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Transcript

Self acceptance 🙏 AGAIN 🙄 · An ASMR Practice

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Help. I'm still at the mocktail bar. I'm still sleeping
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: in my car. I'm... Oh my gosh. The full moon.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, the full moon happened. The hunter full moon. Um...
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I met a very friendly guy last night. I did
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Irish exit on him. I'm going to be completely honest.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I don't remember why. I think I just decided I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: was done. I paid my tab. My tab was like
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: exceedingly cheap. I don't know who. I don't know. The
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: guy was like, you had one. He's like, you only
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: had one beer. I was like, well, no, but. I'm
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: pretty sure maybe someone else was paying for the other ones.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: It was $ 4. It was $ 4. I was like, what?
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: How is it $ 4? And I was talking to this guy.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It's not, like, super relevant. The only
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: thing that I really recall from talking to this guy is, like,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I'm in the market for a freaking laptop right now, and, like,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: basically the kind of laptop I want. This is like
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: an IT guy who, you know, like repairs computers. He
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: was like, the one kind you want, don't get that one.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: He was like, get any other kind, girl. I was like, fuck. Like, okay.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, he was basically saying like, probably just charge
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: the one you have and try it again like it
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: might not be as bad as you remember is essentially
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: what he said and he was yeah he was walking
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: me through some computer stuff I was like yeah maybe
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I'm the problem maybe I'd be clicking things like too
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: fast and too much and like generally kind of tweaking
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: out especially because I haven't used this computer since college
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and I was like I was drinking probably like six
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: cups of coffee a day and I was just... I
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: was always having rage issues with my computer. Honestly, I
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: was like, this thing is not working fast enough. I'm mad.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And like, nowadays, I think I would probably just like...
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I want to believe that I would perhaps like... You know,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: if it's loading, maybe I would just, like, get a...
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I would, like, make a cup of water or, like...
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Entertain myself while it loads. Like, I
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: would just, like, be like, okay, this is a break.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: This is a mandatory break that I'm taking right now. Anyways. Anyways. I...
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm making peace. I don't even want to
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: say I'm making peace. I want to say that I've
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: been in a state of... I don't know that that's true.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I think there are various agents in my life that
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: have been perhaps threatened by my self-trust? Question mark? I
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: feel like there are various agents in my life who have, like,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: tried to make me not trust myself. Or have, like,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: essentially just shit on the things that I like. You know, like,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: because I woke up this morning, it was a full
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: moon last night, and I was like, I want to
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: check my CoStar app. And then there was, like, a
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: voice in my head that didn't sound like me. It
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: sounded like some hater-ass bitch. And they were like, CoStar
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: is stupid. you're a fucking stupid little girl, and I
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I literally like co-starred, all
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: my friends like co-starred, like, why am I even hearing
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: this voice, like, get out of here, stupid head, literally
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: get out of here, you're, oh, you're kicked out of
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: the freaking dome, bro, I do, okay, you want to
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: know another paranoia I was having, especially during my latest, like,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: big crash out, like, So, the movie Inside Out, right?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I became convinced that this was real. So, okay. Before
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: it was elves and before I took them out of
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: my head. Right? Like, before I think they were kind
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: of in my head. And I think it kind of
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: helped me to... Re... How do you say this? Rewrite?
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: That word feels weird in my mouth. I don't know
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: that I was writing it. I don't know what the
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: word is for this, guys. Help. I'm still at the
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: cocktail bar. I hope my friend is okay. I mean... Actually,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I know she is. I know she is. I was worried, but...
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I thought... At the time, I was like... In the past, recently,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I was like... I was like... Her man is doing controlling,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: manipulative stuff. And then I... I said... fair enough, I guess,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: and she said, like, yeah, like, she was like, I guess, like,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: you know, that's the key word, I guess, something, I
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: don't know, and then I never heard from her again,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and now I'm seeing, like, honestly, he might have just
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: been right, like, her partner, unfortunately, I mean, let's just
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: say she had a dream, okay, of what she wanted
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: to do, And he was like you can't pursue this dream. Because.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Or I don't know that he said she can't. I
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: don't remember. And also did she narrate the story. Exactly
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: as he said it. I think is another great question.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: And like. Because. Okay. Essentially she was kind of like.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Kind of, not exactly, but she was kind of wanting
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: to be like a politician. You know, be elected for something.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And he was like, you can't do this. Or, I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: don't know, I didn't talk to him. I've never met him.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I've never met him. And, yeah, I honestly don't feel
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: comfortable speaking about this. Like, I think these people honestly possess, like,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: a lot of, like, power in ways that I don't.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: And I don't think I'm at liberty to say. I
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: don't think I'm comfortable to say. I probably could say.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, my understanding is I can say whatever I
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: want for the most part as long as I'm not, like,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: inciting violence or, you know, causing an emergency or something.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I just, I don't know. It just came to me.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: It just came to me. I miss her. I literally, well, okay.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: So the first time I said help, I'm still at
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: the mocktail bar. So I had a different memory in
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: mind when I went to the quote mocktail bar with
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: a different person. And then when I said cocktail bar,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I'm picturing the cocktail bar that I went to with
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: this person. This is like not something I like. typically
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: would do, like, normally I would go to, like, a
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: regular kind of bar, like, a cheaper kind of regular bar, um, but,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: you know, these are ladies who, you know, possess means, um, and,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, I don't know, so I
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: was like, well, the first lady, she was like, let
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: me take you to this really nice spot, and then
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: the second lady, I was like, I feel like we
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: should go to a nice spot so that we're not interrupted,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: kind of. I feel like a bougier spot is usually
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: a little quieter and like more intimate um which i
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: don't know that's necessarily true i mean intimacy what what
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: is intimacy i don't i don't want to get into
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: all that all i know is i woke up this
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: morning and i was like let me check costar real
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: quick and i did and The forecast is essentially saying, like...
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: If I'm just remembering straight from my head, it's like...
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Kind of like, you know exactly what you need to do.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: You know exactly what you need to do, girl, just
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: do it. Like, it was very supportive. That's not what
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: it said. That's not what it said. Hold on, let
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: me pull it up. You tend to be right. This
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: is my day at a glance. You tend to be right.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Stop apologizing for having opinions. Your instincts have been proven
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: correct more times than you want to admit. The people
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: who made you doubt yourself are threatened by your clarity.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: They're telling me to make spreadsheets, and that shit's about
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: to piss me off, but they might be right. I
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: don't know. Actually, I don't know. I think the spreadsheets,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I think they're literally trying to make me laugh. I
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: think they're like... They know that I don't want to
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: be making spreadsheets. And they're like... Girl... And they're just...
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: They're giving the dog a bone here. They're like... Haha.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: You want to laugh, right? We're going to tell you
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: to do some stuff you don't want to do. Haha.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: They're pranking me. That's what they freaking do. I like
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it though. I think... You know, my... Friend? Question mark?
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: My brother in Christ? I don't know. My... freaking my
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: freaking Josh was telling me and I haven't fact checked
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: it so I almost don't want to say yet but
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: it relates to the cat in the hat and it
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: relates to freaking H3 and freaking Hasan Piker and and
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: it's like I don't want to be spreading fake news
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: about this straight up because like I gotta look it up.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I gotta look it up. But it's like, this is
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: such a distraction. Josh, why are you distracting me? Stop.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to read CoStar, dude. Get out of here.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: And then what was the second thing? Oh, and then
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I got the notification for the word of the day
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: from the dictionary app. And this felt highly symbolic. Like...
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: This was freaking me out, I'm not even gonna lie.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: The word of the day communicates with me in a
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: big way. Listen to this. Truvay. Truvay. So, and I
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: looked at this word and I knew exactly... I knew
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: exactly what was going on here. It says truvay. Like,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: the prefix here is, like, to find. And the suffix, ay,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: or vay... Like, Travaille. Is to work. To find and
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: to work. They want me to find a job so bad. But,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: that's not actually what it says. Because, looky here. French. Noun. French.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: A lucky discoverer. A lucky discoverer. A lucky discovery or
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: a treasure. Or a found treasure. Treasure. And then the
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: example it gives, they're just freaking me out in a
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: big way. The researcher described her experience finding a long-lost
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Sappho poem as the true vie of a lifetime. A
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: lucky discovery or a found treasure? I don't know. I mean...
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: And I don't know exactly how, I mean, I definitely
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: am the kind of person where I stumble upon little
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: treasures and I get very excited about them. You know,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: and yesterday I was saying how like my physical science
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: teacher was like saying that the social scientists are easily excitable.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I did not identify as a social scientist, to be honest.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I don't really identify as a scientist, if I'm also honest.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You know, and I have a memory. I was hanging
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: out with this older couple at this bar. It was
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: like a Mexican bar in Florida at New Smyrna Beach.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And this ended up being the bar that I would
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: frequent because they didn't ID me and I was too
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: young to be drinking. And the bartender was Cuban. He
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: had a crush on me. I'm just going to put
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: it out there. And I liked this. I was like, okay,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: we got a handsome bartender who's not IDing me and
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Who likes. He likes me. And you know. So. I
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: don't know. I was there with an older couple. They
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: were like buying me dinner. And probably paying for my drinks.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And they were just like yucking it up. And giggling
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: with me and stuff. And like. At one point the lady.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Like kind of summons me in. She like pulls me close.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: She's like. She's like, this guy's looking at you. She's like,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: he wants you. Like, not the bartender. It took a
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: couple of sessions for me to, like, form something with
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: the bartender. Because, you know, the people at the bar
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: were always, like, chatting me up and stuff. This was, like, probably, like,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: just the most beautiful... I mean, beautiful is a crazy word.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I think I was very pretty at this time. I
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: think I was a hot freaking mess. Um... And I
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: was pretty, like, just.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Indiscriminate in who I trusted. And, like... I was a
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: hot freaking mess. For sure. Um.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Okay something just came back to me from the conversation
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: from last night. I think this guy I was talking to.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I was telling him about my friend. And I think
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: he was trying to tell me. That she might be
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: a sleeper cell or something. Or like she might work
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: for the CIA. And I was like. This is what
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: he said. So maybe I just need to disregard it altogether.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Because what does this guy know? And here's the thing though.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: If she does like. think they might be on my side,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I think, I think the whole posse might be on
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: my side, maybe not, maybe they're, maybe they're freaking, what
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: do they call this, uh, maybe they're moving in slowly,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: oh boy, oh boy, um, okay, back, okay, back, help,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: I'm still at the Florida Mexican bar, um, I gotta
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: get it off my chest, I really gotta get it
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: off my chest, You wouldn't believe what's on my chest
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, so the girl in the couple... The
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: girl in the older couple that I'm hanging with, they're like...
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: She's like, this guy's looking at you. And she's all smiley.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: She's like, you should... You know, whatever. And I look
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: at him and I was like... My intuition was immediately like,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know about this guy. He was not ugly.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, he wasn't ugly. He was tall. He was fit.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I don't think he was my type, honestly. And he
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: was there with a guy who was also not my type,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: but he was more my type. And by type, I
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: just mean, like, preferential. Like, I mean type. I didn't
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: know these guys. I'm just looking at them from across
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: the bar. Like... But yeah, so... I mean, I told
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: this story somewhere. I have no idea where. I don't
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: know if I wrote it or if I told it
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: or if I freaking... I probably drew it as well.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I just... I just help.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm still at this freaking memory and I don't know
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: how to get over it. And everyone's like... Fuck it.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about anybody but me right now. Yeah.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: And the reason I bring it up is because I
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: was just saying that I don't identify as a scientist.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: And so the book that I had at the bar.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I'd be able to find it.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: It's like an extremely generic title. Maybe. Let me look
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: it up. I don't think it matters, but essentially it
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: was just like... On science and philosophy. And it's talking
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: about the relationship between science and philosophy... Did I finish
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: this book? No, I did not. It was extremely boring
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: and I lost interest. I enjoyed reading the beginning. I
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: don't know. And I definitely got rid of this book.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure. Oh boy. Yeah. See, this is an
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: extremely generic title. I don't know. I know where I
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: got the book from. I mean, I'm pretty sure I
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: gave it away, but like, Philosophy of science. No, I
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: think it was just like science and philosophy. This is
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: the book I was reading. I don't know if I
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: was like doing performative intellectualism or what. I think I
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: was trying to figure out what philosophy was. And like,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: you know, I think I had done performative science in
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: a pretty big way for a long time. Because I
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: was like, ooh, girls can do science too. See, I
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: have no idea who wrote it. And it just breaks
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: my little heart. Because, okay, so this is the memory.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: The memory is that, okay, so there's this blonde guy.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: There's this blonde guy. And he's looking at me. And
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: the girl that I'm with is like, this guy wants you.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: You should do it. And the guy's like, he's kind
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: of handsome, right? And I'm like... But his friend is there.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: His friend is there. And I'm looking at his friend like,
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: this guy looks like he has his life together way more.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: If I'm honest. And, you know, he's being respectful. He's
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: being respectful. And so, ultimately, and I think this is
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: what I told the couple. I don't know. I might
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: have just kept it to myself. I think I told them.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I was like, I don't approach guys. This is not
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: what I do. Like this is, I was like, he,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, he's looking at me. He's going to
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: come over here. Don't worry about it. And he did
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: kind of, oh my gosh. The way he approached me
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: actually was that I went to the bathroom and he
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: low-key kind of followed me to the bathroom. See, this
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: is what I mean. This guy was kind of a
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: red flag. And so I'm like entering the bathroom and
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: he's like, you want to do shots? You want to
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: do shots? and I was like, I gotta pee first,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: but sure, I would do a shot, if you're paying, whatever, guy,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe I was a little more excited
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: at the time, he definitely had a lot of energy
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: at that point, but I also think he was extremely, like, drunk, like,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: it was quite obvious that he was pretty extremely drunk,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: and it's like, and then, so I go back to the,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I go back to my seat, and, like, His friend
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: is there reading my book. His friend is there reading
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: my book. And he's there with shots. And I'm like.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I want to hang out with this other guy. To
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: be honest. And don't get me wrong. I hung out
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: with both of them for a while. But like. Yeah.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: He was just extremely drunk. And like. Don't get me wrong.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: He was like very excited. And like. puppy puppy like
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know but he was like pretty extremely drunk
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: and not even like a I don't know like like
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I got a little drunk last night I was having
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: a good time but it's like I got drunk and
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I was like having a conversation about what laptop to
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: buy with like an IT guy an IT guy his
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: name was Mario deadass His name was Deadass Mario. Well,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: that's what he said. I mean, I guess maybe I
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be believing people. I don't know. Is this the message? God, help. Help. God.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Somebody help. Am I supposed to be believing people or not?
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Because I thought I was supposed to believe people and
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: now I'm just not so sure. Well, you know, I
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: will say, like, freaking Josh was, like, saying. Freaking Josh.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: I don't mean to make it sound like I have
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: any ill will towards this guy, because I definitely don't, but, like,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: just as, anyways, um, he said something that kind of
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: restored something in me a little yesterday, about just, like,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: he just said, I'm sorry nobody believed you, um i
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: really appreciated that and i don't know i don't know
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: why that just came out to be honest but anyways
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: um Yeah, so that's kind of my story with the
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: freaking Mexican bar in Florida. I have more stories, actually,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: from there. So the two guys and their entire, like...
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Because they were with all their, like, work buddies. Like,
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: they had, like, a whole table of, like, work guys
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: over there, and... They were in the hotel across the street.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: So it's like they were also coming to this bar.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Like frequently. So I saw them a couple more times.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I did. Let's say. Get intimate with this guy. A
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: little bit. Ultimately it was like extremely weird. He had
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: a tattoo. He had a massive tattoo. Of like. A baby.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: A baby. Like a... Like a infant baby. And like...
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: On his chest. Like a portrait. Deadass. And... I was like...
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: I asked him about it. I was like, what... What's
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: this about? Because it was like huge. And it was
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: kind of jarring. And... Ultimately he.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: He really like shut down. As a result of this.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Of me asking about his tattoo. Which like usually this
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: is like. People you know. Haters will say that. You
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: get tattoos because you want attention. And that might be true.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not really sure. I mean I don't. I don't know.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I think there's different reasons people get tattoos. I mean.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: my freaking my freaking ex my first tattoo i ever
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: got he was like do not get do not he
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: was like do not get a tattoo on the back
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: of your body he's like girls only get tattoos on
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: the back of their body so that guys have something
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: to look at during sex this is what he fucking
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: said to me i said what you think do you
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: think every do you think girls would make any decision
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: considering like what the guy is looking at during doggy
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: are you kidding Like I feel like dude was just
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: watching porn of girls with tattoos on their back. I don't. What?
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: What the actual heck? So I don't know. I don't
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: know why people get tattoos. I mean. Why do I
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: get tattoos? I mean. I don't really anymore. I was
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: telling my friend. And I think this is true. I
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: just woke up this morning. I was like. I need
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: to sell everything. I need to sell everything I own
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: and just leave. I might too. Honestly, the selling, the
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: selling the shit is like the worst part, but it's like,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: if I'm going to, I think I should try. I
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: should try at least to see if I could like
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: make some money. But oh my gosh, I just so
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: don't even want to. Like, the whole... No, I could
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: do it. I could definitely do it. I've done it before.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I'm receiving messages that this is what I should do.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I need to minimize what I have here. And, like,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I'm extremely good at, like, taking things to the donation center.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: You know? But I think... I think I have some
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: pretty valuable stuff that I should probably, like, try to...
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Make something on. Um... But yeah, I asked this guy
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: about his extremely huge tattoo all across his chest. And
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: he like became extremely cold with me. And so my
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: understanding is that this is like his child that died.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: I think that's what he said. But then he's like
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: mad at me. And then he sort of was like,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: you should go. He was like, I think you should leave.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay. I'll do that. Don't worry about it.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Don't even worry about it. I was like, okay. And
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: then I'm just left. I'm just left like. Because the
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: thing is. I did. I tried. I tried to hit
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: on his friend. I don't even like approaching dudes. I mean,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: he was sitting at my seat reading my freaking book. And.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I think about this encounter a lot.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: It feels like. Okay, yeah, let me go ahead and
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: get the paranoia off my chest. I don't know if
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: it's paranoia, I don't know what it is, but something
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: about this, like, in my memory, it just feels like
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: these people, this is how I would describe it, it
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: feels like these characters were possessed by something. Something. they
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: were like this is what I would say if I'm
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: just guessing is that they were possessed by by characters
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: that I met later like they were almost like traffic
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: cones or something I mean not traffic cones but like
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: they were warning me of future dynamics to come um
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: And I think you would probably just have to ask
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: me and like care a whole lot if you wanted
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: me to like elaborate on that a lot, but... I just...
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can't stop reliving this memory. And then I,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: you know, it's like the next time I ran into
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: these guys at the bar, I was on the phone
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: with my aunt. My aunt. My aunt. On my dad's side.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: And we were laughing it up. We were freaking, we
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: were kicking it up. A very close friend of mine
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: was just telling me... Because in my mind, Kiki is
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: just a slang term. Seriously. I didn't even... I don't
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: really know anybody named Kiki, but I just learned my
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: closest friend... One of my close friends was saying that
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Kiki is a very relevant name in their universe. They
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: were sharing a poem with me about a certain Kiki.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: they're just like making me cry. They're like reading me
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: poems and making me cry. I'm like, wow. Not, not
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: crying a bad way. It was just, it was, I
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: was like, wow, thank you. It's funny. I was supposed to,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: it was on my calendar. I was going to like
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: a poetry open mic night and then I got there.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: And ultimately I was hungry. First and foremost. And I
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: had looked at the website. And. It's like they have burgers.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: And it's like I don't know about burgers guys. I
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: really don't know about burgers. I'm kind of sick of burgers.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm looking at my options here. I got the
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: Mexican restaurant. I got some kind of. Um. eastern restaurant
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: and i got this this bar that i went to
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: once with my friend from high school and we went
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: there and there was a guy from there was several
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: guys from our.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Meow.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: Meow. Thank you.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Oh. Oh. Oh. Hello. Hello.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Hello. Hello. Woo! Woo! Woo! Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: Meow.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Meow.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: Meow.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: Meow.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: Meow. Meow. Meow.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Hello. Woo. Woo. Woo.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: Woo! Woo!
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Bye.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: Woo!
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Woo!
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: Woo!
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: Woo!
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: Woo!
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: Woo!
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: Woo!