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132: What If You Could Actually Change Your Brain Just by Practicing Gratitude? · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  What's up, Heart of Life Nation? Welcome back to the Heart of Life Podcast. I'm Kelly Siegel. And today we're talking about a practice that has completely transformed my life, gratitude. This isn't just about saying thank you. This is about rewiring your mind for success, happiness, and resilience. I'll be honest, gratitude didn't come naturally to me. For a long time, I thought it was just fluff.
• 0:48
  But once I embraced it, everything in my life started to shift from my mindset to my relationships to my business. By the end of this episode, you'll have practical tools to cultivate gratitude in your daily life, even when the world feels like it's against you.
• 1:02
  And I'll share some stories, some raw, real moments, about how gratitude helped me through the hardest times. Let's dive in. What gratitude actually is, is important. Gratitude isn't about pretending everything's perfect. It's about acknowledging the good in your life.
• 1:18
  Even when things are hard, it's a choice, a mindset, and a skill you can build. There's a science to gratitude. It rewires your brain by activating the release of dopamine and serotonin, the feel-good chemicals. Studies show that people who practice gratitude are 25% happier, less likely to experience depression, and even sleep better. Gratitude has been linked to better heart health and lower stress levels.
• 1:45
  Think about this. Gratitude literally changes your physiology. It's not just mental, it's physical. Okay.
• 1:52
  there's a massive impact on your success. It shifts your focus from scarcity to abundance. When you focus on what you have, you open yourself up to more opportunities. Negative people repel opportunities while those who practice gratitude naturally attract them. That's not luck, that's energy. Whenever I'm out of alignment, whether it be from being around negativity or simply a fleeting thought such as this morning in drop-off line at my daughter's school,
• 2:18
  People were being selfish and not letting anyone in and only looking out for themselves. It incensed me. I could tell that it was spilling over on my daughter who has finals this morning. That negative energy wasn't helping the situation, nor did it change things.
• 2:33
  So let out a big breath and said, so what? We'll get there when we get there safely and when we're supposed to. It was warm inside the car. We were safe because traffic wasn't moving. Why was I concerned about how others act? Now, it will be a separate podcast episode because I'm still unpacking that. Anyway, it's impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time. There are some common roadblocks to gratitude.
• 2:58
  The excuse factor. We've all said it. I'm too busy. I have too many problems. Or the big one. I'll be grateful when I get X, Y, or Z. If you're waiting for perfect conditions, you'll be waiting forever. Gratitude doesn't follow success. It creates it. Taking things for granted, like your health.
• 3:17
  family, and your basic needs. Boy, do we all do that. Sometimes we forget to appreciate the boring blessings, the stuff we think will always be there until it's not. I shared this on social media the other day. I've experienced a tremendous amount of anxiety over the last week.
• 3:33
  The only portion of my life that has changed is my podcast producer, who happens to be the producer of Ed Milet's top-ranked show, and you all know Ed is the GOAT. He's been doing the podcast thing for years, and myself, well, I just passed two years. Ed and I grew up with similar experiences, much of the same household dynamics from an alcoholic paternal figure. Grew up scared, often alone, and just felt invisible. It's hard for my producer not to compare to who he has worked with for years.
• 4:02
  I absorbed it all, thought of how all that went into developing this harder than life podcast and how we keep biting on Ed's backside and make it a game of catch me if you can. I've got to know Ed a bit and he would like nothing more to see me pass him and win as well as everybody else win. But another similarity is I try to remember to not compare my second year to someone else's 10th. It serves no one.
• 4:29
  However, it does provide me with a horizon to aim for and a blueprint for what success looks like. So hopefully you could see two sides of the coin. At first, I think it's gold-plated problems, but it's still stressed nonetheless how I get out of it.
• 4:46
  I'll tell you now. I start off every morning with a gratitude ritual. It's my secret weapon. Every morning, before my feet hit the floor, I name three things I'm grateful for. It sets the tone for the whole day. The mind wakes up and begins to solve problems or rather puzzles immediately. It's on repeat daily, interrupting that brain train with positivity and gratitude gives my brain a break.
• 5:09
  and influxes my brain with endorphins to win the day. I don't know why it works, but it does. I don't ask questions. There's no secret I'm in the middle of the grind as we speak. It coincides with launching of the Heart of the Life brand. No secret I've been working on myself extremely hard over the last two years, as well as my IT company,
• 5:27
  And harder than life. On the outside, it looks like we're killing it. What if I told you revenue is flat in the IT company and we aren't covering our costs yet and harder than life? Appearances aren't what they seem, eh? It's stressful. We are several hundreds of thousands of dollars into this. Here's how I manage it.
• 5:48
  I remember whenever I have accomplished anything great in my life, I've had to overcome adversity or I solved a puzzle. It required time, patience, and a new me. You all heard me say different devils require different levels of me.
• 6:05
  I've grown as a father, a leader, a man, a podcaster, and a person through all this. And I realized this is what I'm meant to do. And a peaceful, grateful feeling comes over me. So much so, and get ready for this one, so much so that I often shed a tear. And I used to not be very emotional, but I cry for gratitude, just a tear of where I'm at. Then I tap my heart.
• 6:34
  And I thank God I'm being challenged because it reminds me we're doing something great. I have a gratitude journal.
• 6:43
  At night, I write down, or sometimes I just say something I learned or loved about the day. It's that simple, but it's powerful. I often take this and share it with my daughter. And I ask her, tell me something that made you smile today. Another thankful moment, gratitude moment. When I do this, it allows me to sleep better. I feel less anxious. I wake up more optimistic. Have you followed me at all on social media? I take gratitude walks daily. I take them with my dog, Sammy.
• 7:12
  So take a 10-minute walk and reflect on the good in your life. It's like therapy without the pill. Notice the greenery, the cold, the warmth, the sun. Just look around. Don't take your phone with you. I sometimes do, so I can record it for y'all. Don't take your phone with me and just take 10 minutes to yourself. It works. You'll thank me later.
• 7:38
  I take these mindful gratitude breaks. Pause during your day to notice something positive, your coffee, a conversation, even your breath. It doesn't have to be big to be meaningful. Gratitude letters. Write and send a letter or email to someone who impacted your life. Even if you don't send it, the act of writing it will fill you with gratitude.
• 8:01
  I send a lot of gratitude texts, just ask my podcast producer, and everybody's who's close to me. I want people to know that I notice and that I love them. I have been starved of love in the past, which causes some anxiety,
• 8:17
  And I keep reminding myself that every time I feel that anxiety, which is new to me, guys, by the way, I've never been anxious in my entire life, ever. The only time I would ever feel any sort of anxiety is when I was back in the days when I was drinking. And on Mondays, I call it hang-xiety. I was hungover and had anxiety for ripping it up over the weekend. So the anxiety to me is just, it's the portal of,
• 8:47
  to my happiness. I know that I'm being tested. So I'm getting my calling is higher. And I'm gonna dig into that deeper, but I just gotta say that every time it feels impossible, gratitude becomes more and more critical.
• 9:05
  It's not denial. It's resilience. So why expressing gratitude matters? Gratitude isn't just for you. It's for others too. When you express it, it deepens your connections and strengthens relationships. Here's some practical guides to show even more gratitude. Send thank you notes or the texts or even these voice notes. That's a new popular thing. It makes people know they can hear the inflection and not just see the text.
• 9:33
  I shout out my team members of NTM all the time, the mentors, which you hear me talking about Ed, talking about John Gordon, all the people that you guys would know, and well as my family and those of you that are close to me daily. It makes me feel good, it makes them feel good. We all create more together. You have to create a culture of gratitude at work. It starts with meetings with someone you're thankful for.
• 9:59
  And it has a ripple effect. It's contagious. When you show it, you inspire others to do the same. Since we're on the podcast stuff, and I'm doing my very best to be better at these solo episodes, I will talk about how grateful I am for my producer, Steven. He took a flyer on me, and I can't disappoint. Notice I said, I can't disappoint. I won't disappoint. I'm grateful every day, and I share that with him as much as possible.
• 10:27
  You see, my stepfather said I was worthless and I would never amount to nothing. Stephen believes in me. And it's one of the hardest things to live up to, belief. And we all need belief and it feels great. We're headed to number one. So thank you, Stephen. We have to dig deeper into this gratitude practices. There's forgiveness and gratitude.
• 10:51
  Gratitude and forgiveness go hand in hand. You can't truly feel grateful if you're holding on to resentment. This I'm going to go into, and this is, I'm going to do everything I can to not get so emotional. I literally have been dealing with this when I've been packing into this anxiety, which is with my stepfather. My stepfather wrote it in my next book, who is the hardest person in the world to get along. He was the alcoholic who used to beat me.
• 11:18
  He is on his deathbed in a hospice or retirement home. He's lost his leg. And I'm believing that this anxiety is some unsolved, unresolved trauma that I need to go and talk to him about. So I'm currently wrestling with, do I got to talk to him and thank him for being so hard on me? Because it's those hard moments.
• 11:48
  that created harder than life, that made me tougher than nails, that made me resilient, gritty. And being able to be here in front of you and share these stories is hard. He was tough, but he did the best he could.
• 12:06
  Now, there is something holding me back, and I'm just concerned that he's going to go there, and I'm not going to get what I'm looking for, but I'm more than likely going to do it. I will share an update later on, but this is something I'm wrestling with. Do I go? Because I am grateful. The moment that I forgave him and my mother
• 12:26
  for the lack of love and all the hardship, it released all those endorphins to allow me to go to the next level. I still believe I'm stuck on something and I will share more with you in those updates. But don't forget to say thank you to yourself. It's the hardest thing for me in the world. Celebrate your wins, acknowledge your growth, and appreciate the work you've put in. Right now, think of one thing you're proud of for yourself. Say it out loud.
• 12:57
  I'm most proud that I am digging straight in during these times of anxiety. And remember, I don't have alcohol. I don't use cannabis. I don't use anything but everything I'm sharing with you here. Meditations, journals, gratitude walks, and my almighty gym. So go back and listen to this over and over and over, especially if you're using some of these crutches that we just talked about.
• 13:26
  So some common pitfalls and how to overcome them. Inconsistency. Ooh, you all know me. Consistency is what I'm all about. That's my middle name. Tie gratitude to an existing habit, like brushing your teeth or making your bed. I myself have shared it with you. I tie it to right when my eyes open. This way, I cannot forget to do it.
• 13:51
  And then I also do it before I go to bed. I say the one thing that came to fruition from the morning. And I keep repeating it. Also, there's a whole thing, take it till you make it. So I call it forced positivity. Gratitude isn't about ignoring your problems. It's about finding the good even when things are tough. That's why we call this harder than life. Don't take things for granted. Appreciate the thing, the things you think will always be there. Because one day they might not be.
• 14:21
  This is big on health. I am grateful for my health. I say that a lot. I am grateful for my health, my ability to go on a workout, my ability to come in here and lead you. And it is a game changer. If you don't love yourself, it's hard to feel genuine gratitude. Start small, acknowledge your progress, no matter how small it feels. So let's recap. I have a morning gratitude ritual.
• 14:51
  Evening gratitude journal, gratitude walks and mindful moments, expressing gratitude to others with texts, notes, and voice memos. Find gratitude and adversity. This is literally my middle name. Gratitude and adversity. I also know this as surrender.
• 15:13
  If you can focus on the great and what you're grateful for when things feel like the whole world is crashing down. I'll be even this is this is a bonus story. I wasn't planning on sharing with you. This is the second or third time I've tried to record this episode. The last time I tried to record it. So we had a customer call in and had a full cyber breach. You want to talk about stress.
• 15:37
  So I run an IT company, National Technology Management, and right in the middle of the studio, the recording, my phone's blowing up. I take the call and immediately find out that there's a full breach of one of our customers. Stress shoots through my thing. I get briefed. I make a quick phone call to brief the client. I stop. I sat down. I mean this full honesty.
• 16:06
  I sat down and I started thinking of what I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for the alarms that caught the breach. I was grateful that I was able to listen to this, that I was able to handle it. And then I said a little prayer, which is very similar to gratitude. And I asked God, I said, help us have the resilience to overcome this. And I know you will. And about an hour later, we found out that our software thwarted the attack entirely
• 16:35
  and the gratitude and the prayer worked. People, this stuff works. Remember, not only is the glass half full, but it is and must be refilled daily. That is why I'm recording this podcast. Why do we shower every day?
• 16:53
  Because they work. So does this. So please do it. And you'll thank me later. Remember, guys, I really want you to do this. Please DM or email me one thing you're grateful for this week. Even if it's just this podcast episode, I'm struggling through this thing. We're going to get it out to you because it makes the world a better place. And I'm grateful that I've gone through all these things that I'm going to get stronger and stronger to share with you.
• 17:18
  So let's create a gratitude movement together. Living harder than life isn't about avoiding challenges. It's about finding the good in every single one. Thank you for tuning in, and I hope this helps you. Please share it with anybody who you feel needs more gratitude in their life, which is all of us. Thanks again. Be harder than life.
• 17:41
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.