Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S4 Ep25: "Laughin' Through the Broke Days" 🤣

Transcript

S4 Ep25: "Laughin' Through the Broke Days" 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pumped to be here.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh just pumped to be doing comedy.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I used I used to work at the Home Depot.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys have been there before, but that's a pretty sad place.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: The slogan for Home Depot is you can do it, we can help.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's vague, but I'm pretty sure they're talking about suicide.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just saying, that's how I felt most of the time.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I spent spent a lot of time on the rope aisle, just hanging out.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I travel around a lot.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I stay at a lot of different hotels.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I don't always get the best hotels.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was in this hotel recently and nothing worked.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: The elevator didn't work.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I finally got up to my room and the Wi-Fi didn't work.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I went back downstairs.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, hey, the Wi-Fi doesn't work.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, yeah, it's a little shaky.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: But the network name is Ramata N1.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I realized why it was shaky.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because we weren't at a Ramata N.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I could see the Ramata N through the window.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: People in there on their laptops having a good time.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, but it works real good down here in the lobby.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Won't you just use it here in the lobby?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, well, obviously you don't know what I need Wi-Fi for.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: You heard me?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not working on a spreadsheet up there, buddy.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I got stress.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like to wave like this.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I do this a lot.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I like to wave like this at the end of a joke.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just let you know that joke's over.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times you'll know because you'll be laughing.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Other times I'll have to give you one of these.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I like to read bad hotel reviews.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I read one the other day.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: This guy was like, this hotel room is so disgusting.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: There was bugs in the bed, blood in the carpet.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was gonna catch a disease.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that continental breakfast was a joke.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, dude, you stuck around for breakfast?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta get out of there, man.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I don't want to set on none of this stuff, but let's see what they got to eat around here.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was in one hotel room and they had a sign inside the room that said, not responsible for stolen items.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I took some stuff.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm not responsible either.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even work here.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Tired of plugging my stuff into a wall at home.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Get a lamp I can plug some stuff into.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hard to find a lamp with USB boards on it, you know what I mean?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: One hotel room had a list of all the things you could steal and how much it cost, you know.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: That way, if you want to steal it, they'll just charge it to your account.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But they had an ironing board on there for like$20.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that seems like a pretty good deal.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't do a lot of ironing board shopping, so I don't know.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: But$20 seems cheap.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: But also, who's bold enough to steal an ironing board from a hotel?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're at checkout?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, nah, I had this when I came in.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it looks a lot like yours, but I always travel with an ironing board.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Good thing, because there's not one in that room.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't bring this, I'd be wrinkled up right now.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know how to iron, you know what I mean?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how it works.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you do, you know.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I know the process, you know.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: You plug it into the lamp, and then you let it heat up.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: You get a little water in there, and then you shoot it.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Supposed to I don't know what that does.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It just makes it wet, and then I try to dry that water.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can heat that water up, but it cools down pretty quick.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I got a new TV recently, and uh not from a hotel.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: From uh it was a gift.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: It'd been a long time since I upgraded, and I wanted to get rid of the old one, but I didn't want to throw it away, so I decided I would take it to Goodwill.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I showed a bit Goodwill with this old TV, and the Goodwill guy was like, nah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: He said, we don't take TVs like that anymore.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: But they did take it.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Later that night when they were closed.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just dropped that thing right off.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not getting rejected from Goodwill, is what I'm telling you.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Not today, not any day.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's a gift.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't turn down a gift.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: I had a guy come up to me after a show one time, real muscular guy.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, that happened to me too.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: He said, the Goodwill guy came out, so he said, we don't take those anymore.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, you won't take it right now.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: But you'll take it tonight.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wow, that's a different approach.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think if I worked to Google, I'll be like, you know what, I'll just take it right now.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not really sure what you mean by take it tonight.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just take it while the sun's out.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I dropped it off.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get my receipt though, so I won't be able to claim that on my taxes.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be a tough year.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: You ever do that?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: You drop off a bag of clothes at Goodwill, and they're like, you want a receipt for that?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, nah, I don't want proof I ever own these clothes.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you see what I'm wearing, imagine what I'm giving away for free.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine what I'm too good for.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I like to get picture frames at Goodwill.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you get a good deal in there.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can get pictures of other people's family.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how that happens.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: People are like, well, I'm done with this frame and this family.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they mean a lot to me, but not enough to bend a staple in the back.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So don't have that kind of time.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Can't be bending staples all day.
• 7:06
  unknown: Alright.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I heard this guy on the street the other day.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, this year I bought all my presents online.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, except for some of them.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, well, that's why we invented the word most.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good joke.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And uh.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Very good joke.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I like Goodwill.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I got this hat at Goodwill.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: This hat changes me.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't know that it changes me because you haven't seen me without it on, right?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: But if I take this hat off, you're like, oh man, I bet that guy likes rock music right there.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: If I put this hat on, you're like, nah, he's got a rock collection.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: If I take this hat off, you're like, man, that guy looks like the lead singer from the rock band corn.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: If I put this hat on, you're like, nah, he grows corn.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: As a corn farmer.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: If I take this hat off, you're like, man, I bet that guy smokes weed right there.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: If I put this hat on, you're like, nah, that guy definitely smokes weed.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: This hat can't change everything.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a magic hat.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: How many people thought my hair was attached to this hat?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people think that.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times people tell me I look like Forrest Gump after he ran for a long time.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good joke if it were 1995.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, it's still good.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: It holds up.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: It holds up.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I like to wear this hat when I want to go into a store and just browse, you know?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because a salesman sees me coming in and he's like, nope, I know you're just looking.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Bathroom's right over there.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just try to try to wash your hands in there.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: We're having a good time.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: You think this hat changes me?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: You should see me without this beard.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I shaved this beard one time.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: This girl came up to me and she was like, oh, I liked you better with the beard.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Which is the exact same thing as saying, I don't like the way your face looks.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in two months.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'll take that razor.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:44
  unknown: Okay.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: I went to I went to a flea market not too long ago.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I love a good flea market, and uh, thank you.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I was in there and this lady had this great deal on DVDs.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love DVDs.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: She had three DVDs for five dollars, and that's a good deal.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, I'm gonna go ahead and get six of these, that way I can get six for ten, you know, three for five two times.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty easy.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I went up to this lady and I was like, hey, I'd like to get these DVDs.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, How many you got there?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I said six.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: She said, you know it's three for five, right?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Six for ten.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, well, I guess.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, now this is your deal.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is just three for five, two times.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I figure it's settled, right?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I figure, hey, getting it for ten bucks.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: But then I hear her back there doing math.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: She's going, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then she closed her eyes.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, All right, that'll be fifteen dollars.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, listen, I'm not even trying to bargain with you right now.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is your deal.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's just three for five two times.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you want, I'll buy these three, and then I'll take off this hat.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll buy these other three.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And and that worked.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't know how that second guy got there, but uh she sold him some DVDs.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you hang out with a lot of broke people all the time, like I do, uh, everything's always fancy to them.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like the other day I was hanging out with my mom, and um we were out to dinner, and uh she was like, Oh, this is so fancy.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Mom, it's Olive Garden.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Of course it's fancy.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good joke.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And uh you don't think it's gonna be a good joke, and then you're like, oh, you know what, that is a good joke, and uh it's a good deal.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's your deal.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I used to weigh tables, I worked at a seafood restaurant in Charleston, South Carolina, seafood restaurant called Hyman's.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, which is located on the same block as a restaurant called Sticky Fingers.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just telling you where it's at, and not everyone knows what a hymen is, and that's okay.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what it was for a long time, but if you don't know, just go home tonight, look that up, enjoy that joke on your own time.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just saying, it's a tight joke, and uh okay, that is too far, and I'm sorry about that.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just don't forget, we're having a good time.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: There'll be there'll be times when you're like, I'm not sure if we're having a good time anymore, but I'll be here to let you know.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I used to work there, and it's owned by a family with the last name Hyman, and I was working in there one day, and this lady said to me, she goes, Oh, are you one of the Hymans?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yeah, because they named me Dusty Hyman.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the oldest one.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh no one will touch me.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people would come in there and they would close the menu and they'd go, What's good?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, well, open this back up.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's all inside here.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Call this the food menu, and uh we like to think it's all good.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people like to pair up wines with food, you know, and that's cool, but sometimes they do it in weird situations.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had this guy go, what kind of wine do you recommend with the fried catfish?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I don't know.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Budweiser.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or people come in there and they'll be in a real big hurry.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, can we be in and out of here in 30 minutes?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, hell, you can leave right now.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let me hold you up.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: You got stuff to do, I hear you.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some people think they're tricking you, you know.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, uh, let me get a large glass of water, a lot of lemons, a lot of sugar.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know we sell lemonade, right?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm watching you.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I see what you're doing.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: You get a lot of tourists in there, and that's cool, but they ask a lot of weird questions, you know.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're always like, uh, what's something non-touristy week do?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Which I think is a weird question because you're on vacation.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: You should do touristy things.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: But they're like, what's something non-touristy week do?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't know.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can get in your car and go home.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's the most non-touristy thing you can do.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can buy a house, you know what I mean.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Just move on in.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, well, we want to do something the locals do.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: What's something the locals do?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, well, I'm local.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right now I'm at work.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Hell, you can take my shift.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Do something the tourists do.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of words you gotta be careful using, you know.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: The other day I was like obituary is one of those words.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: The other day I was on the street and I said that, and this lady was like, Would you call me?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, he ain't nothing but obituary.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: I heard this guy the other day, he was like, he's like, Man, I live so close to that bar it ain't even funny.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I thought, why would that be funny?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: He said, It's so cold outside right now, it ain't even funny.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, has there ever been an appropriate temperature where you go outside and it's just hilarious?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, Woo, I had to come back in, catch my breath.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's just too funny out there right now.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna go to the store, get us some snacks.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do it right now.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Heats up one of the two, but temperature it's at right now is just getting me right in here.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Too funny.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: In the summertime, we have what they call the heat index, you know?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the weatherman comes on TV and he says, Looks like it's gonna be 80 degrees tomorrow, but it's gonna feel like a hundred.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because of the heat index.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, man, that's pretty convenient.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Wish I could use that for things in my life.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I'm gonna take a girl out on a date and we get back to my car, and I'm like, listen, I know it looks like I drive a 1992 Ford Tempo.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Gonna feel like a Ferrari.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because of the heat index.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if we're out, we're having some drinks.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, listen, I know it looks like I'm trying to get you drunk.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna feel like we're getting to know each other.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because of the heat index.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if we get back to my place, I'm like, listen, I know it looks like I live in a trailer.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna feel like a double wide.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because of the heat index.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, we just got that one window unit, so it's gonna it's gonna be hot in there.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be warm.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Toasty.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where my credit score's at these days.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know a lot about credit scores, you know.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've been seeing a lot of commercials for checking your credit score.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: These commercials act like you can fix all your problems by just checking.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your credit score.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: They say things, they don't give you no other instructions, you know?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: They just want you to check it.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: They say things like, you don't want to live with your parents forever, do you?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you better check that credit score.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like if you check it and it's bad, it's still bad.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like checking don't help.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'd like to see this play out in a bank somewhere, right?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like some guy comes in to get a loan and the banker's there and he's like, Well, Jim, your credit score's terrible.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I see here that you've been checking it a lot.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: We appreciate that.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a house.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Every one of those credit score commercials, the people, the people on the TV, uh, they never heard a check in their credit score.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: They have no idea, right?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: They never heard of a credit score.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: They pull out their phone, check it, great credit.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wow, amazing.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: I want to see a real credit score commercial.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the guy pulls out his phone, he's like, what, 170?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is that good?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then someone comes in and takes his phone.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Put a little fear behind checking your credit score.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: She said, roll tide.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can't get that going in a comedy club, you know what I mean?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in Alabama, you know, where I come from, you're either an Alabama fan or you went to college, right?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're having a good time, but uh, but I didn't go to college, so roll tide, you know what I mean?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that joke's for everyone.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that jokes for everyone, and we're having a good time.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in a trailer park, uh, which wasn't that fun, so not sure why they call it a park.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: There wasn't no rides in there, no water slides.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: We had like an occasional slip and slide, or like an old tar put some Dawn dist detergent on it.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: We put our slipping slide over a tree root one time.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because we was going jumping.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how that works at all.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I hit that tree root, I just got up and got a job.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I am done playing out here.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done playing, period.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: I got medical bills now.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: We never went camping growing up because, like I say, I grew up in a trailer, and uh we felt like we had a pretty good idea what camping was all about.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're not we already kind of live in a camper.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: We don't really need to take it down to a tent.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we know what it's like to be poor.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're not trying to find out what it means to be homeless.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're not trying to practice homelessness.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: I used to hear this expression a lot growing up.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: People say that kind of money.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: You ever hear that?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of money?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: You might hear it in conversation, they go, whoop, you hear about Bob?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I heard he got a new boat.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Man, I wish I had that kind of money.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's a different kind.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing to do with the amount.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's got the kind of money since his kids of college.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: I only got the kind to get mine out of jail.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of money.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: There is a lot, a lot of different kinds of money out there.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I was a kid, uh, you know, like there's like uh like old money, new money, blood money, drug money.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have any of that.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: What we had was good money.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Good money.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's where your parents.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Buy you something you don't like, they go, We paid good money for that.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Good money buys the worst stuff, too.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Never anything good.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Good money buys like airbrush t-shirts with your name on it.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: From Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Dollywood.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of t-shirts with wolves on it growing up.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: My mom thought I'd look good in a wolf t-shirt.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, the more wolves, the better.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Put them all over that thing.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe put a little moon on there.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Give that wolf something to howl at.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: I had a hat growing up, just had my name airbrushed across the top.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just said dusty.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's just so it won't get kidnapped.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: Kidnapper sees that hat, he's like, nah, his family ain't got no money.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just give him the candy, yeah?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just let him have.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: He probably ain't had candy in a long time.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm out there trying to get in the van.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, no.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: We are kidnappers.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I know, I'm a kid.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to get napped up in here.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: At this trailer park for a while.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thing that was the most fun for me about living in a trailer park was tornadoes, right?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because I got to leave.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I had to go to a real house for a little while.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love going to a real house.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be like, man, look at all these bricks in here.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Only time I ever seen a brick's when it came through my window.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: With a note on it.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Said, cut your grass.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's how they do it in the Mobile Homeowners Association.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Mobile Homeowners Association.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'll say that twice because it's a good joke.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is fun.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mobile Homeowners Association.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're having a good time.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: One December we had a tornado warning, and uh I was listening to the radio, and they were telling us what to do during this tornado warning based on what kind of house you live in, right?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, if you live in a house with a basement, go into the basement.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you live in a house without a basement, go into a bathroom or a small room.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: And they were like, if you live in a trailer park, we want you to go to a neighbor's house or go outside and lay down in the ditch.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's the real news.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, listen, we don't know what to tell you.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you made some bad decisions along the way.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now you gotta deal with this.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, we can't help you.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you should check that credit score a couple of times.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: You might not be in this mess.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, yeah, I know it's raining out there.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: That ditch is gonna be full of water.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just get down in it.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's December.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be cold.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably gonna get sick.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Just get down in there.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: I like that they think that there's a ditch located next to every trailer park.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like it just comes with it, you know?
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Part of the trailer park amenities.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every trailer park gets their own tornado ditch.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: I like that the other option they give you is to go to a neighbor's house, right?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't know what kind of trailer parks they know about, but trailer park that I grew up in, my neighbor also lived in a trailer.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's like they just want us to meet up in one.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe wait it down.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: The tornado can't carry it off.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if we did have house neighbors, you know, they're not just so welcoming to the trailer park people.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: They're not like, no, come on in.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Come on in, check out our stuff we have in here.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: I hate that.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Show up at somebody's house, they're like, hey, come on in.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: You mind taking off your shoes?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, nah, just go home.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wish you told me that on the phone.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't even come over here.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not me lounging around in my socks like we're about to do yoga in here.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, nah, must stay.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, nah, I'm gonna leave.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like when people ask me to take my shoes off before I come inside, it's like they're saying, hey, our house is cleaner than you.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Try not to mess it up in here.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Matter of fact, take off the rest of your clothes.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Jump in the shower.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Give me some time to put a sheet down on the couch.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: They're right though.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Most houses are too clean for me, you know.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how I was raised.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was raised in a dirty house.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: We have the type of house where people show up and they try to take their shoes off.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, nah, nah, nah.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now you better keep those on in here.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you get hurt walking around in here barefooted.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Broken glass.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: Fish hooks.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now we want real pork growing up.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: We used to have everything, you know.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like I never got ice cream growing up.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: My mom used to just pour milk into a bowl.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then she'd call me into the room and go, Well, you're too late.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I guess you'll come next time I call you.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: Out there laying down in the ditch.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Messing up that new wolf shirt I got you out there.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Need good money for that here.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: One guy clapped for that, and I appreciate that.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, now we gotta pick up another.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: And uh mounted.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now we never went to the ditch of my family.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: We always went to my grandmother's house.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: We went to her house for tornadoes and sometimes just for visits.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I never liked going because my grandma was real mean and she didn't have an air conditioner, you know, so we'd just be real hot and scared all the time.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: My grandma would just sit there and crochet Afghans all day.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys know what an Afghan is, but it's like a blanket with holes in it.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Serves no real purpose.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: In case you want to stay hot and cool all at the same time.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: In case you want to cover up and still catch a breeze.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: No need to trap in all that heat.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sort of like covering up with a net.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like a real itchy net.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: One day I was down there, this is Alabama, one day I was down there and I was sweating, and uh I fell asleep or passed out.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: And uh when I woke up, I could see into my grandmother's bedroom.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: She was changing.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: I saw my grandma's boobs, guys.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: I freaked out.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't look away.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is Alabama.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Couldn't look away, but freaked out, right?
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I did the only thing I could do, grabbed a blanket, threw it over my head.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out it wasn't a blanket.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was an Afghan.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I could see right through.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's worse, now it looks like I'm trying to catch a pig.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, let me see them boobs, grandma.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can't see me, I'm a ghost.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: First boobs ever saw.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of changes things for you.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of makes you more of an ass man.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, if they all look like that, I'm just not that into it.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest with you, I heard about them, but uh that wasn't what I was thinking at all.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: The worst thing for me about growing up in a trailer, the worst thing, because I had a good time in there, we had a good time.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: The worst thing was having to write my address down on anything in elementary school, right?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because I didn't become the poor kid until I had to write lot eight, Moore's trailer bar, down on my school paperwork.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: All the other kids are like, Dusty, you live in a trailer?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't know why you're so surprised.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, my first name is Dusty.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And every day I come to school with a NASCAR t-shirt, and my backpack's from the Marlboro catalog.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, my parents finally smoked enough for me to start carrying some books.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's how we did our Christmas shopping, you know.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: My mom handed me a Marlboro catalog.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: I circled what I wanted, she started smoking.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I'll get it.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get it.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get it.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: My parents didn't do a lot of smoking, though.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: They type people that smoke with the windows rolled up in the car.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't even think about it, you know what I mean?
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: Get mad at me when I'd ask to crack a window.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be down in the floorboard trying to catch a breath.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, get up before we wreck.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Get back in your car seat.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just kidding.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Never had a car seat.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Marlboro didn't make one of those.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just lay down back there.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: You get pulled over, put this blanket on over you.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's Afghan, you can see.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would like to see a Marboro brand car seat, though.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think that'd be fun.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, instead of a little cup holder, it's got a little ashtray.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: Comes with a little pacifier, you can just put a cigarette right in, you know what I mean.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: For the baby.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Baby's got a lot going on.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: They got a lot of stress.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: A lot going on.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: I got teeth coming out, teeth coming in.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot to deal with.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: Teething.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: We never had the tooth fairy growing up.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: We had the opposite of the tooth fairy.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: We just had a guy that would come in, steal your money, and leave teeth.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good joke.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we always recycled stuff like that.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think we invented recycling.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: Trailer park people, I think we invented recycling.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're the first people to take a old truck bed turned into a trailer.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's people to take a old bed sheet turned into a door.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's people to take a whole coffee can turn into a bank account.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: You bury it in the backyard, savings account.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Find out where your neighbor buried his, free checking.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: Save it up to get drugs, joint checking.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's a fun joke.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: I wore a lot of, I wore a lot of NASCAR t-shirts growing up.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with wearing a NASCAR t-shirt, but I wore way more than the average person, you know.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, anytime I had to dress nice, my mom would just put me in my newest NASCAR t-shirt.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be like, this ain't that nice.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I know.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: Tuck it in.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: That changes everything.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Go from working on the car to church just by tucking it in.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: My dad still does that.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: He tucks his shirts in tight too, real tight.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: He makes a v-neck out of a turtleneck.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Got t-shirt coming out the bottom of his jeans.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing chest hair through the shirt.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's tight.
• 35:36
  unknown: That's tight.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: My dad's a big University of Alabama fan, right?
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he tucks his shirts in so tight, all you see is university.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like he just for college.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: He's not for college, though.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: He's not into it.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: I never went to college.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: I said that earlier, but I never went.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't go because I had to pay for it.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I always figured that at 18 years old, if I had enough money to pay for college, I was probably doing alright already.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: I also don't feel like we need college for everything, you know.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you're gonna be a doctor, lawyer, probably a good idea if you go to college, you know what I mean?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't want to be those things.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I figure we don't need it for everything.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, building roads, building houses, we'll figure it out.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: Abraham Lincoln built a house.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Did he go to college?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Not even sure he built a house, I'll be honest with you.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what people tell me.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: And they named the logs after him, so that's gotta mean something.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I didn't like school.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like handwriting, you know what I mean?
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: You print for a while and then they try to make you write incursive.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: I always hated that.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like about the time I'm perfecting print, they want to slip in cursive on me, you know?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like it's the evolution of print, you know?
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what it is.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Cursive's like print's weird cousin that likes touching way too much.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're having a good time.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: And um I never like reading.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I don't like to read, though.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a little kid, little kid, there was this TV show called Reading Rainbow.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: You guys remember that show?
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had a host on there, I had a host, a guy named LeVar Burton, trying to get everybody to read books all the time.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: Then he showed up on Star Trek blind.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's what reading does.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I don't get into it.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm getting a little older, you know.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was sitting in my backyard the other day and I saw this bird, and I was like, ooh, I wonder what kind of bird that is.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: Wish I could see it up close.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder what he's eating right now.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: Then I realized I'm not getting old, I'm just real high right now.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're having a good time.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: No time forget we're having a good time.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm not even sure that's a bird.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: Aw, damn, I'm not even outside.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like weed's done some good things though, right?
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like for me, weed really changed my perspective on skunks.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I was a little kid, I'd be riding down the road with my mom and I'd smell that smell.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be like, what's that smell?
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, oh, that's a skunk.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd be like, ooh, that's gross.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now when I'm riding down the road and I smell that smell, I'm like, where'd that skunk get that weed at?
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: It smells so much like weed, it makes me think that my mom was just smoking weed in the gun.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: I jump up out of the backseat, I'm like, what's that smell?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, oh, that's a skunk.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even know you was in here right now.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't supposed to be on this vacation.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: On my way to get you a new wolf shirt in here.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just lay down back there.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Put that Afghan on over here.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: I used to get high a lot when I was younger.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not like a little kid, but I'm between the age of being a little kid and how old I am right now.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I got real high one time and I went to this gas station and I pulled up to the pump and I got out, realized I pulled up to the wrong side of my car, you know.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not a big deal.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: Got back in, laughed for a while.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: Then I drove all the way around to the other side, still on the wrong side.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: I just left, you know what I mean?
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can't mess up twice and still try to get gas.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: I just took the Papa John son off the top of my car and put it in the back.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: See, not trying to get fired, too, you know.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: Worst part was I prepaid.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just giving money away.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like I went inside, I was like, here's a 20.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: Just put that in your pocket.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna circle the parking lot a couple of times and I'm gonna take off.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: You just get some lunch.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can't go back in there, right?
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go back in and be like, hey man, I just can't figure out these pumps out here.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: Hell, I tried a couple, but yours are all on that same side.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: I can't get in there.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: You ever go to a place like that and you pay with cash and they pull out that counterfeit pen, start marking all your money right in front of you?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they give you change, they give you back cash.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always like, let me hold on to that pen for a second.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't trust me, I don't trust you.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know it's a one, you know.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to roll around out here with counterfeit ones, you know.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go to two rodeos, then when I go to the second one, I want to go, this ain't my first rodeo.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: I never had any family in the military, but my sister did one tour with the Dollar General.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I drank gas one time, and I did drink gas, not on purpose.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um wasn't making a drink.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to get it out of a lawnmower, put it into a four-wheeler, so I'd go riding, you know.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I was stealing, and I had never done it before.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was using a garden hose, or as I like to call it, a hose pipe, and uh a lot of people don't know what a hose pipe is.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I made up that word sometimes.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I was all I knew is that you put one end into the garden hose, uh, one end into the lawnmower, and then you suck on the other end, right?
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: And don't drink the gas.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even think about drinking the gas.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, it's gonna be fine.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a I gave it a big and nothing came, right?
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, well, I gotta do better than that.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I start working my breath.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: But before I do that, I go ahead and cup it.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to lose my progress, you know.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: Start working it.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, really working it, expanding the lungs.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was a smoker, so it was wasn't a lot going on in there, but uh you know, but I put it back and then I ready, had a huge exhale.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think gas had worked its way most of the way up the hose, yeah.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was just waiting on me.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't ready.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: I gave it a big and immediately drank a lot of gas.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was too quick.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't ready.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: Filled my stomach, my lungs, I was crying gas.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: I freaked out.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've done this before, but uh.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instincts kicked in.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: I ran inside, started drinking a bunch of water, and I ended up just throwing up all this gas.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was fun.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I burped up gas for like two weeks.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I had to quit smoking.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: That worked.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: That wor that's better than chanting.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: I quit drinking altogether, not just not just gas, alcohol too.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: I had to quit drinking because I used to black out all the time, you know.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: And nothing good ever happens when you black out, you know.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: No one's ever like, man, you blacked out last night, but I appreciate you helping with those taxes.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of money back.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: I used to send a lot of drunk text.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was always ruining friendships, relationships, just trying to be funny.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I always wanted them to invent a cell phone breathalyzer, you know?
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: That way when you're leaving that bar at 2 a.m., looking at Texat ex-girlfriend you vowed to never text again, you just blow in there, you go.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Goes, uh-uh.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not tonight.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're way too drunk for that.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: You just get in your car and drive home.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: I used to drink and drive a lot.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm not bragging about it, but uh one time when I was 19, I was leaving this party with a buddy of mine, and uh, we were driving to meet these girls that lived in this trailer park, and uh we had two unopened beers with us.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: All we had to do was not open those beers, right?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: But we thought, hey, we're gonna be cool.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna crack open these beers.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: That way when we show up at the trailer park, we can get out, and these girls will be like, dang, those guys don't mess around.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: They drink and drive.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because nothing turns on a girl from a trailer park like knowing she's gonna have to drive you to a couple of court days.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: She loves knowing that for the next six months she'll have somebody to ride shotgun in her car.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: She can give rides to, right?
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we did.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: We cracked him open.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: A couple of bud lights, we're sipping on them, put it in the center console, and then we got pulled over by a policeman.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I knew that this policeman could see because he was driving a car.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew he was gonna see those two beers in the center console, so I did the only thing I could do, and I tucked him underneath the seat, you know, hoping maybe he didn't have a sense of smell.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out he did have a sense of smell.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: He asked me to step outside of the car and he was like, Have you been drinking tonight?
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was, and I had, but I lied.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, No, no, sir, not leaving a little bit.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Okay, blow on my face.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: And at this point I was just happy that he said face.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I blew on his face, and uh he goes, Alright, well, I smell alcohol, so be honest with me.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: Have you been drinking tonight?
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh I was like, okay.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had a couple of sips, I was thirsty, you know.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that line.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_00: The I was so thirsty, and the only thing around was beer.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I went to jail.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, but I got out, you know, I got out.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: I called my brother-in-law to come pick me up from jail, and he showed up to pick me up from jail in a dump truck.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out my five my nightmare was a five-year-old's dream.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: Get to ride in a dump truck and a police car all in one day.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good joke.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: And uh you can't make that up, you know what I mean?
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: You ever hear people say that?
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: They tell you some story and they go, You can't make that up.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know what?
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can't.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, but you can.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's called telling a lie.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: People do that all the time.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: People tell lies all the time.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: I still mess up with texting and stuff like that.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: Alcohol didn't change nothing.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: But uh autocorrect gets me in trouble all the time now.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was texting with this girl the other day, and she sent me this picture of her, and I was like, ooh, I really like that.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, I got a million of them.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, well, keep them coming.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I spelled it like keep and then E M, like keep them coming, right?
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my phone autocorrected E M to M E.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_00: Which is way different.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_00: Really changes the whole tone.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I was saying at all.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had another girl, she came over to watch a movie one night, and when she left, we had a great time.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: And when she left, I went to text great seeing you tonight.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I typed one too many E's in seeing, and it autocorrected to seeding, right?
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: So my text said great seeding you tonight, which is a weird text.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_00: But weirder because we didn't even do anything, right?
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now she's just wondering how long she fell asleep during that movie.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_00: Which is not the kind of text I'm trying to send.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had another girl, we went out several times, and she texted, I love you, and I meant to text, I love you too, but my phone auto-corrected to I feel smothered.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can't make that up.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we're having a good time.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're having a good time.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: My parents got divorced when I was two.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, then there was a custody battle, and my mom lost, uh, so I had to go live with her.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like parents are different today than they were when I was a kid, you know, especially when it comes to pets, right?
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like today you might hear some parents say something like, We gotta take our cat to the vet, right?
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: But when I was growing up, my dad would be like, We don't have a cat anymore.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then that cat was gone.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't even get mad about it.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'd just be like, Well, I hope we get another one.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Well, we'll see what wanders up.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because we didn't have real pets, we just had prisoners of nature.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like a dog could wander up, we'd chain him to a tree.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now he's ours.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: We had the meanest cat you ever seen for about two weeks.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: Found out it was a possum.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I told you we weren't readers, you know what I mean?
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: There wasn't no internet back then.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: We just thought it was a weird breed.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: You ever seen a possum?
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're not supposed to see them, I don't think.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely designed for the night.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: Scary animal.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up, I thought all dogs were boys.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: I thought all dogs were boys.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: Blew my mind when my dog Rodney had puppies.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: Dang, Rodney.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on, dude?
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: Where'd you get all these kids from?
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: You ever go to somebody's house and they got a dog that's barking at you, growling at you, and they go, ah, he won't bite.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, why do you think that?
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because he's never done it before?
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe today is the day.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because he looks like he wants to bite.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're always like, well, he might lick you to death.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, death?
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Who said anything about dying?
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hell, I'm just worried about being bitten.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know why you brought up death.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it's a weird idea, right?
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because the dog looks like it wants to bite you.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you show up at somebody's house and there's some guy in there with a knife.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: He's just doing like this.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: Huh?
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, ah, he won't stab you.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he might lick it in.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he'll settle down in a minute.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: He does not use to being around people.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let him sit in.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, thank you for the much of a pretty job.