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Courageously Expecting With Jenny Albers · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

0:01
Hi friend. Welcome back to, she speaks
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live. I am so glad you are listening
0:06
today. Hey if you have not received my
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free gift yet click on the link below in the show notes and I
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will give you my free download of God's ID my ID which is all
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about God's characteristics and how they apply to your life
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today. Plus you'll get the newest
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updates. Some new stuff coming that I'm
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super excited about and I want you to be a VIP member Today, I
0:31
have with me, Jenny Albers. She is the author of
0:34
courageously expecting and she shares her journey of pregnancy
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after loss. Never did, she imagine to
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miscarry two times in which she shares about the fears of
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getting pregnant again, and going through the loss and grief
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of another pregnancy. She now encourages women to walk
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courageously even than the midst of the unknown choose.
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Hope over doubt and If you are finding yourself pregnant or
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want to be pregnant, After experiencing a loss, this
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conversation will bring you so much courage to believe and
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trust God for restoration and that Joy will come in the
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morning. Here's my conversation with
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Jenny Albers. Hi Jenny, welcome to she speaks
1:23
life. I'm so excited.
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You're here. Hi, thank you so much for having
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me. Yeah, well, before we dive into
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your story. See, I always like to start us
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off with what is your favorite scripture verse?
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Yes, so one that I lean on often is Isaiah 41.
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Verse 13. And it says, for I am the Lord
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your God who takes hold of your right hand and says, to you do
1:47
not fear. I will help you.
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And I, I feel like I'm constantly the person, saying, I
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can't do this, I can't do this. And so that last part I will
1:57
help you is always just such a good reminder in Every situation
2:02
that God has our help and that he is here with us.
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Yeah, it's so good. I know it.
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There's a big one, right? And it's a battle to come
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against that and resist it and just speak truth over it.
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So love those verses when it talks about how God's with us
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when we're afraid, you wrote a book called courageously
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expecting 30 days of encouragement for pregnancy
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loss. So, To start us off.
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You had a normal pregnancy with your first child and you plan to
2:37
have more share your story with us.
2:41
Yeah. So when my daughter was about
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two and a half years old, we were pregnant with our second
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pregnancy. Our second child and we ended up
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losing that pregnancy very early on.
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So I was about six weeks pregnant, suddenly felt some
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really severe pain. Called my doctor went to the
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hospital and we Or that it was an ectopic pregnancy.
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So it wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy, pregnancy, the
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implantation did not occur where it was supposed to and so that
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pregnancy resulted in loss and then later that year we became
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pregnant. Again with our third pregnancy
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went through, it kind of the whole time I mean I was nervous
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but I was really hanging on to Hope after we kind of got the
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news. That the implantation had
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occurred where it was supposed to.
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There were no signs that anything was wrong but something
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inside me felt like something was off.
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And so I think that was probably mother's intuition but I kind of
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kept going through that pregnancy and then just prior to
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18 weeks pregnant, my water broke and so very early, right?
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Like way too early for labor to be starting and so my water
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broke and I was pregnant for about Three weeks.
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After that, I continue the pregnancy.
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I continue to go on for checks. The baby had a strong heartbeat
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was continuing to grow but my body.
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I I say and I refer to it as my body failed and my body didn't
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do what it was supposed to do, right?
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And what we expect it to do during pregnancy.
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And so just after 20 weeks without pregnancy, I gave birth
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to a stillborn baby. And then, you know, it took us a
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really long time to decide to try again.
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It was almost a year, I mean, so that entire year that happen in
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January of 2015 and so kind of it was a bad start to the year
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and kind of that whole year was just really dark with grief and
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confusion and we didn't understand why we didn't
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understand what to do next. We prayed a lot we you know, and
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it was also a faith battle so I'm not Trying to say that to
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make it sound. Like it was easy.
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Like we just prayed it away. That is not how that went.
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It was a very hard season. And so towards the end of that
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year, I became pregnant again for the fourth time and that
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pregnancy is what courageously expecting is largely based on
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its specific to pregnancy after a loss, which of course, ties
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into pregnancy loss and the two losses that I had experienced
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prior to that, fourth pregnancy. I just imagine a flood of
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emotions coming at you. How did that change you and how
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did you you know pick yourself up to try to get pregnant again?
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Yes. Well it wasn't an easy decision
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and my husband and I definitely wavered kind of back and forth.
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As far as what to do moving forward.
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Some of the ways that it changed me.
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Definitely made me more vulnerable.
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You know, I've never been someone to talk About the hard
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things, right? I've never been someone to cry
6:04
in front of people and I've completely done like a 180
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there. So you know I started talking
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about these things and I really during that time in my life I
6:14
didn't necessarily feel like I had the understanding and
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support that I needed to get through the grief and that
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season of loss. I didn't really know anyone
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personally who had experienced that or at least.
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At least who had talked with me about it and was willing to talk
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about it. And so I really realized that
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there was a need to talk about it.
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And I also, you know, there was many points throughout that time
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period, where I couldn't control the emotions, and the
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vulnerability, just kind of Spilled Out because I didn't
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have control over it, you know, just crying and in the dentist's
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office and things like that or, you know, the trigger questions,
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right. How many kids do you have or you
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go to the doctor? There any chance you could be
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pregnant, you know all these little things that we don't
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really think about in regular life really are kind of
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Amplified when you're grieving. So I'd say vulnerability, it
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taught me how to be. Also I think a better friend you
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know since then I can't count how many people I know who have
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lost a baby, some family member, some friends people at church,
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you know there's just it's it's constantly happening
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unfortunately and so it's really taught me how to I serve those
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people as well as people in general who are hurting not
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necessarily related to pregnancy loss, but I think we kind of
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gain gain skill in that. After we go through our own
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hurts, we learn how to help other people during their
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seasons of hurt. Sure, you gain that empathy,
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right? Because what better if you're
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walking through some kind of health issue, what better are
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you to encourage that person? Because you walk, That same
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thing and let's talk about walking through getting pregnant
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again and facing the unknowns like the fear, the doubts, like
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all the feelings because I miscarried in I was just one
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month pregnant and I miscarried. So I went through those emotions
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when I just decided to try again and I was so scared that I was
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going to lose this baby. So share with us.
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How did you walk through that unknown, time of fear and the
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doubts? Yeah, I mean, one of the things
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that I constantly remember, it was that we had already been
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through the worst and we had already been through the worst
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two times and that we were still going and that we were still
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walking and that God had carried us through those two horrible
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things and so really trusting that he would carry us through
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that again. Now that's not to say that it
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was easy or that every day was really pretty and joyful it.
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Wasn't. But that was something that I
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had to constantly come back to you.
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Now, I will say to that during that almost year time period
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before we did decide to try again.
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You know we did put some things in place we had the appointments
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with Specialists and consultations with doctors and
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different health checks for me. We never had answers as to why
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Michael was stillborn or to why that pregnancy ended or to why
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my water broke so early. There were different theories
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but nothing you know, nothing set in stone that we could point
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to and say, okay this is what happened, this is what went
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wrong and this is what we're going to do differently this
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time to ensure that that doesn't happen.
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And so we were kind of just guessing right and kind of
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talking about the different things that we could put in
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place. So I will say that the medical
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aspect of that was helpful. And I'm grateful to have had
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that care and to have the opportunity to walk with
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doctors, you know, kind of threw that To talk about it and to
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have that support. However, not having the answers
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made, it made it difficult as well, not knowing, you know
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what, we should specifically be trying to avoid.
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So I would say and and people always ask how do you know that
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you're ready to try again? And I don't really think you do.
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There's not an easy, you know, recipe for that or an answer
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that we can just wrap up with the bones.
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I now is the time, you know, I think it's it's so personal.
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So I mean for us we had to get through, you know, those first
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several months of really deep grief, I knew that I wanted a
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baby, my husband and I both knew that however, we didn't
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necessarily feel brave enough to try again, you know, until it
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was almost one year later. And so I don't have like a
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really pretty answer for, how do you know, I think you just have
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to you? To the point where you decide we
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are, never going to feel safe in a pregnancy.
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And so this time isn't necessarily better than another
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time, it's that realization and also just that surrendering to
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God and to God's Will. And and I say that not
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necessarily because I you know, had heard from God that yes you
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should have another baby but knowing that God's will will
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happen and we'll take place kind of no matter what the decision
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that we make is. And that that again, can be very
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personal for other people, that was my experience and so just
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trusting that God is going to be faithful in carrying us through
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it and it being being with us and also in being our help kind
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of referring back to the verse that we talked about earlier.
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Yeah I go back to my how I was after.
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Yeah that miscarriage and I remember I'm not going to feel
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better until I try again. There was Just they told me,
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wait a whole menstrual cycle or two, and then start again, and I
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just went against what they said.
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In fact, I felt like, I'm not going to feel better unless I,
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you know, get pregnant our try again.
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And so that was right or wrong. That was my coping mechanism
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time, right? So personal so you had a
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recommendation, but you like, you personally were like, nope.
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I think something is better for me, you know?
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And so I should say that too. So after we lost Micah my doctor
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recommended six months because it was a later loss.
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And I always say, I mean, I think that that obviously was to
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give me time for my body to recover, but I also say, I think
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that was a time to give my heart enough time to recover as well
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at least, you know, from that really raw early.
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Yeah, and so yeah. So we did I mean so that was
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part of it, too. We wait.
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Six months for sure, and then waited almost another five
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months. Yeah.
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Because I mean, let's face it is way different losing a
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month-long versus, you know, 20 weeks.
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I mean, my friends, like, I have nothing to relate it to, but you
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know, that one incident that happened to me but totally
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totally different. And so, were you able to have
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joy and grief at the same time? Like you're filled with joy,
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probably that you're pregnant. Didn't.
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But at the same time, are you still grieving or is it getting
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better when you got pregnant? Well, I think, I mean I think it
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was getting better. I def by the time I got
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pregnant. Again, I definitely wasn't in a
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better place emotionally than I had been in the previous months,
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you know. And I did have those feelings of
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Hope and okay, like that felt like it was the end of
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everything when we lost my gun at felt that way for a long
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time. But I Kind of come out of that.
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By the time that we became pregnant again, I was terrified.
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Yeah I mean to put it bluntly I was absolutely terrified and I
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was terrified throughout my whole pregnancy.
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You know, people talk about and even my doctor talked about and
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you had just kind of mentioned to sometimes when we get past,
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the point of our loss, we do start to feel more comfortable.
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Like, okay this this feels more tangible.
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Now, this feels more like Likely, I never really got to
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that point and I know so many people don't I hear from so
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much, so many women who talk about, I never really got there.
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I was, I was scared the whole time and I was, you know, so I
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think for sure Joy. Absolutely.
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But I think you have to kind of be very intentional about
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thinking about that. And considering it, it doesn't
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come as easily as me. It would in a pregnancy that
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kind of didn't have the loss hanging over at the loss, aspect
15:07
hanging over it. And so, you know, I think it is
15:10
so important to focus on one day at a time.
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And that's, I mean, that's really all I could do.
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I couldn't ever get too far ahead because it was just too
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much to think about and it was too emotional, but I, you know,
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it's like, what do I know? Now, I know that I'm still
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pregnant. I know that I just had an
15:26
appointment and I heard the baby's heartbeat and so, really
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focusing on what, you know, No, and finding joy in that hurt be
15:32
and finding joy in knowing that I'm still pregnant and finding
15:35
joy in knowing that this life has purpose.
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Even if I don't get to keep it, you know, even if it doesn't
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last for as long as I would like it too.
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I fully believe that every life that we carry has a purpose and
15:50
it was ordained by God. And so really choosing to
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believe that and to find joy in a new life, even if it doesn't
15:59
go the way, We planned or would like it to go, right?
16:03
So take us through relationship with the Lord through this time,
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like in hindsight. Can you see?
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Just this tremendous growth in walking through something like
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this? Yeah, I think so.
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And it definitely when I was pregnant again with my fourth
16:22
pregnancy, I really did rely. So heavily on prayer and on
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listing to worship music and to be Being just with God in the
16:31
quiet because I just, it was just so emotional and just
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everyday was so hard and so filled with anxiety.
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And that was really the only comfort that that I had.
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Because I didn't have certainties that I didn't have
16:48
guarantees, you know, and, and the Comfort, right freely?
16:52
Right. And so I think, yeah, for sure.
16:54
I mean, it's in those seasons of life, that, that we can be
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brought back to God, when we I feel so empty and that, oh,
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there is nothing else, right? That can fix this.
17:06
And we have no control over it. So I would say, for sure that
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now, you know, after having two losses, I think that also drew
17:14
me close to God or closer to God, but I just had, I mean, it
17:18
was a lot of wrestling and probably most people can relate
17:22
to that and wondering why you me and what did I do and is this a
17:26
punishment? And, you know, all these
17:28
questions that don't always have.
17:30
The answers but also knowing that we can bring that all to
17:34
God to I mean, that was the deepest truest grief that I've
17:39
ever brought to God and trusting that, that that's okay.
17:42
And that he hears us and that he's holding it.
17:45
Yeah. Yeah I mean we have to in order
17:48
to heal we have to just pour it all out in order for us to heal
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and he wants to hear it all. I mean, he knows it.
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All right, it's it's healing when we can speak it out.
18:01
Okay, so in your book, there's a chapter about choosing God over
18:04
Google, I absolutely love this because I'm such a Google free
18:10
everything. So I could totally relate to.
18:14
Oh I'll look, you know, Google this and it's it can be harmful
18:19
of course because it's like oh well I should be going to
18:23
prayer, I should be going to God, not Google.
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So it may not be the best thing. If you know your Heart postures,
18:31
not right when you're using it. So how can a mom be able to
18:35
balance like, you know, educating herself and and
18:38
trusting God if she's walking through this journey?
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Yeah, well, for me, I mean, kind of like you had just mentioned
18:47
my doctor would tell me things and I would say uh, you know,
18:51
but like knowing full well that I wasn't going to really listen
18:54
or like take that advice you know any one of one of the
18:57
things that she told me and some advice she gave me was I do Not
19:00
want you googling any of this, stay off of Google and of
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course, I didn't, you know? So so there is, I mean, like,
19:08
talk to your doctor for sure. Like, God has given you this
19:11
expert in your life. Who knows, pregnancy.
19:14
And who knows you and who is hopefully, you know, a good fit
19:17
and someone who can be supportive to you.
19:20
So go to your doctor with some of those questions, and I think
19:23
it's great to Google. I mean, there's so many things
19:26
in pregnancy and especially pregnancy after a loss, you
19:29
know? No, that we that we want to
19:31
know, but also we're looking for community and things like that,
19:34
too. But I would have bitch actually
19:37
just Google the same exact things like always looking for a
19:40
different answer or a better answer and I would always just
19:44
get the same answer and so I think there comes a point like
19:47
Google at once. Get the information you want and
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then let it go set it down. Go pray.
19:53
You know go do something else. Take those like anxiety is to
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God giving your anxiety to Google.
20:00
Lynn creates more anxiety because Google cannot give you
20:04
the answer or the certainty that you want.
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And so you need to take that uncertainty to God.
20:10
Yeah, that's good. Because we're also Millie trying
20:13
to find our security in Google or, you know, and something that
20:19
is written on the website and not having our security and God
20:25
and it requires faith and relying on his promises on his
20:29
secure. Rarity that he says in his word.
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And so, I think that's why it's so important to grab your bible.
20:36
Grab his word, it's truth. It's unfailing, and it's alive
20:41
and active, and really just feed your mind and your heart, and
20:47
your body, your soul, everything with his truth.
20:51
And that's the Everlasting security right there.
20:55
So, I think this, this next question, I, it's so hard.
21:00
But it's so freeing is that finding courage to surrender,
21:06
you know, God's plan, no matter the result.
21:08
And I know you touched on this a little bit.
21:11
How did you get to the point where you were able to Just
21:16
Surrender that your child Abraham with Isaac?
21:19
Yeah, well I think it's not like a one and done I you know yeah I
21:24
think you have to come back to that over and over again and
21:28
remember, God's promise? Isis.
21:30
And I think it's important, you know, for me it's important and
21:33
really for all of us to remember that God is forming our lives
21:37
into something, that's good. No matter how hard they are.
21:41
No matter the trials that we go through, no matter how defeated
21:45
we feel. So knowing that my life kind of
21:49
intertwined with the life of my child, God is turning both of
21:53
those things into something good even in the devastation.
21:58
And so often we can't see that, right?
22:00
Or we don't even get to see it in this life but trusting that
22:04
God is doing something good with our lives and our experiences
22:08
and our stories. And then also remembering that
22:12
he knows us better than we know ourselves.
22:15
And you know, we think and I thought after we lost Michael
22:20
like this is it. Nothing is ever going to get
22:23
better? I'm done for my life is over.
22:26
I mean some of those early thoughts that we haven't.
22:30
Feelings during grief, you know, but God slowly brought me out of
22:35
that. And so trusting, you know, that
22:37
he knows what he's going to do with us.
22:40
And that what he's going to do with us in our stories is going
22:43
to ultimately result in something good.
22:46
Even if it takes time and does not happen on our timeline.
22:50
Yeah, yeah, so what would you say to others who have a loved
22:57
one that's going through a similar Journey.
23:00
Any of the unknown? Yeah, well a couple things one,
23:04
I would say one of the most important things initially is to
23:08
choose your words carefully to not minimize their loss.
23:13
You know, from this other side from those of us who have lost a
23:17
baby, it is an invisible loss. A much of the time.
23:21
People don't even know where pregnant, much of the time.
23:24
We haven't announced it, sometimes we are further along.
23:27
Sometimes it's 40 weeks, you know, and So then it's a little
23:30
more tangible to people on the outside, but often it's
23:34
invisible. And so, to choose your words and
23:36
not minimize that. Well, at least it was early.
23:39
At least you're young. At least you can try again.
23:44
God, must have a plan for this which is true, but there's a
23:47
time and a place for that comment that you know, kind of
23:52
in those early days that can be very minimizing to someone who
23:55
has lost a baby. So choose your words, carefully
23:58
and stay. Away from any at least phrase.
24:02
So that's, you know, there's there's a hundred things not to
24:05
say but let's just start with that.
24:07
Stay away from saying at least and acknowledge the loss.
24:11
You know, acknowledge if the baby had a name, used the baby's
24:14
name, I think we overthink how to respond to grief and loss and
24:19
we think we have to come up with some you know, long beautiful
24:23
thing to say when really we as lost bombs just want to hear.
24:28
I'm so sorry for your loss. This is Heartbreaking.
24:32
That's all it takes to acknowledge that this is really
24:35
hard and devastating and then also you know in response to
24:40
it's time to get over it. We need to remember that grief
24:43
has no time limit and everyone's loss and everyone circumstances
24:48
are different. And so grief is going to look
24:51
different for all of us just kind of based on our own
24:54
personalities and the the lives that we lie and the
24:57
circumstances we have. So grief has no Limit and it
25:00
changes us. We will often not always, but we
25:04
often want to talk about our babies.
25:05
We often want to, you know, use this experience to help others.
25:10
And so sometimes we want to talk about our babies because those
25:13
babies were loved and because this experience had a really
25:17
profound impact on us. But also sometimes we're talking
25:20
about it because there are so many women who go through
25:24
pregnancy loss alone and we want to be a community with them.
25:30
And we want to support them and we want to let them know.
25:33
I've been there too, and you aren't alone.
25:36
And so, you know, when people are talking about this, right?
25:39
Sometimes family members or friends are like, oh, here we go
25:42
again. But there's so much more purpose
25:45
in a sharing our stories, you know, it's not meant to be a
25:49
drag to anyone, for sure. It's meant to honor that life
25:52
and it's meant to honor so many people who are also experiencing
25:56
pregnancy loss and their experiences.
25:59
So good. Okay.
26:01
So who can you recommend a community for pregnancy loss?
26:06
I know I have unknown Ministries.
26:08
They're amazing. But who do you go to?
26:11
And let's talk about your book a little bit.
26:14
Wasn't entail. Sure.
26:16
Yeah, so you mentioned unknown Ministries.
26:18
There's also Gathering. Hope you can find them online at
26:22
Gathering hope. They're a great organization and
26:25
then I also run a community online at Still love to babies
26:31
and that's where women are given the opportunity to share their
26:35
stories and to really put it down on paper and come together
26:38
as a community. I say paper computer and come
26:42
together as a community you know where where women can support
26:45
other women in their experiences.
26:47
And so those would be my two recommendations.
26:51
And yeah, my book is courageously expecting 30 days
26:54
of encouragement for pregnancy after a loss.
26:57
And so it really focuses Has on becoming pregnant again.
27:01
After you have had one loss or two losses or more, and it's,
27:06
it's meant to be. I call it a devotional, a memoir
27:09
meets devotional, so it's a devotional, but it's very much.
27:12
My story written in devotional format.
27:16
And so, I go through my story, you know, all the emotions, all
27:21
the ups and downs of pregnancy after a loss, the struggles, the
27:24
grief, the anxiety, ultimately bringing it back to a faith
27:28
perspective. Active and offering prayers and
27:32
also some prompts to think through and to write down if you
27:35
want, as you go through a pregnancy after a loss.
27:38
So good. What can you share as a takeaway
27:41
for somebody who's listening here to ponder on or you know,
27:45
take action. And yeah.
27:48
So I think it's tempting and I know that I fell into this trap
27:52
as well. It's tempting to think that, you
27:55
know, our losses are all for nothing.
27:59
Or, you know that if my baby does not make it into my arms,
28:03
like why, what is even the point?
28:06
And, you know, of course those things are okay to ask, why my
28:10
God why is this happening? Why did you give me this child?
28:13
I know I so I excuse me I asked those questions and I assume
28:19
almost every other person who's lost the baby also asks, us
28:22
questions but I have to remember that these lives were ordained
28:27
by God, That these babies lived even though they were short
28:33
lives and that their short lives have purpose and that God does
28:36
not create life without a purpose and so he can use our
28:42
baby's life, no matter if. It's a baby that you've already
28:45
lost no matter if it's a baby that you're carrying right now
28:48
that he can use those lives for something good.
28:52
And that those lives were created with purpose even though
28:54
we don't always understand. And also that God Odd Treasures.
29:00
Those lives just like we do and so you know so often it can feel
29:07
like this is all for nothing. And I went through this for
29:09
nothing, but God has a purpose for the life of your child just
29:13
as he has a purpose for your life.
29:15
And so that's something that I had to learn through my own
29:19
grief and had to come to the conclusion of.
29:22
But also, God tells us that the life that he creates are
29:24
precious and so that includes our babies.
29:27
Yeah. Yeah.
29:29
And we'll get to be with them an eternity and heaven, right?
29:34
Yeah. So I love it.
29:37
Okay. Where can others connect with
29:40
you? What's that Community called
29:42
again that you provide and a website and where can they find
29:45
your book? Yep.
29:46
So the community is at still loved babies and still loved
29:52
dotnet. So both on social media and a
29:54
website. My book is courageously
29:57
expecting and you can find Me at Jenny, Albers.com or on social
30:03
media at Jenny, Albers, author. Thank you so much Jenny for
30:08
sharing your story as hard as it is.
30:12
I know it encouraged many that have walk through that same
30:16
Journey, so I appreciate you. Well, thank you so much for
30:19
having me, and for giving me the space to share.
30:23
Thank you so much for listening today and I trust that God has
30:27
encouraged you through this story.
30:29
Did you know this podcast is on YouTube, hop on there and
30:33
subscribe and you can see a live recording of each episode and
30:38
for more information on this ministry and to access free
30:41
downloads, please visit my website at Jamie Elizabeth.com
30:46
that's ja yme Elisabeth.com and let's connect Beyond this
30:52
podcast. By going to my Instagram handle,
30:54
Jamie Elizabeth she speaks life or Facebook until next Hi my
30:59
friend, I hope God reveals himself through your own life
31:02
story. Hi my friend, I hope God reveals
31:01
himself through your own life story.