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Wisdom Is Seeing Patterns: Why Mature Women Stop Believing Words and Start Trusting Reality · Create Love Create Freedom

0:01
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Create Love, Create Freedom Podcast.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: This podcast explores feminine psychology, embodiment, sovereignty, relationships, feminine archetypes, and conscious womanhood in a post-spectacle world.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: My name is Alison Fisher, and my work centers on internal authority and relational clarity across the seasons of a woman's life.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: On today's episode, we are going to be talking about wisdom as discernment, not wisdom as knowledge, and not wisdom as intelligence, and not wisdom as education, simply wisdom.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: I recently heard someone say that wisdom is not proving you are the smartest person in the room.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is understanding people so clearly that their next move no longer surprises you.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: And while I understood what they were trying to say, I found myself wanting to expand on it.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Because the longer I live, the less I think wisdom is about predicting people, and the more I think wisdom is about understanding reality.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: You see, when we're younger, many of us believe words.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: We believe what people say they want.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: We believe what they promise.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: We believe their intentions.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: We believe their potential.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's beautiful, sometimes it's necessary, sometimes it's part of the learning process.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: But over time, if we're paying attention, we begin to notice something.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: Words matter, actions matter, but neither one tells the full story.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: Because people can say many things, and people can do many things.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: What reveals the truth is the pattern, the pattern over time, the repeated choices, the recurring behaviors, the incentives that continue to drive someone in a particular direction.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: Years ago I began saying something that has remained true for me ever since.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't trust words, I'm wary of actions.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: What I trust are patterns, words and actions over time.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: Not because I'm cynical, not because I think people are dishonest, but because patterns reveal what is actually happening beneath the surface.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Patterns reveal priorities.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Patterns reveal values.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Patterns reveal what someone consistently chooses when nobody is forcing them to choose differently.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: And what I've discovered is that the purpose of seeing those patterns is not to control people.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: It's not to manipulate outcomes.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: It's not to become some master strategist who can predict everyone's next move.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: The purpose is freedom.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: The purpose is discernment.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: Purpose is being able to make wise decisions about your own life.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: Because wisdom is not learning how to get people to do what you want.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is learning how to see people clearly enough that you no longer need them to be different in order to make decisions.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: You no longer need endless explanations.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: You no longer need false hope.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: You no longer need to convince.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: You simply see what is there, and then you decide how you want to live.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about wisdom as discernment.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: We're going to explore why mature women stop organizing their lives around words and begin paying attention to patterns, why understanding human behavior can be one of the most liberating forms of self-trust, and learning how to see reality clearly, and how this often becomes the foundation for the deeply sovereign life.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: Because wisdom is not about becoming harder, it's about becoming clearer.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: And clarity has a way of setting us free.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: First, we're going to discuss why we trust words before we trust reality.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: One of the things I've noticed over the years is that many of us begin life trusting words more than reality.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean that as a criticism.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: I actually think it's a very normal part of being human.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: When we're young, we don't have enough experience to recognize patterns.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: We haven't seen enough repetition.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: We haven't lived through enough cycles.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: So we naturally orient toward what people say.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: We listen to promises, we listen to intentions, we listen to explanations, we listen to stories.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: And in many ways that's how we're taught to move through the world.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: We're taught that if someone says they love us, that matters.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: If someone says they're committed, that matters.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: If someone says they want change, that matters.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: And to be clear, words do matter.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: Language is important.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Communication is important.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: Intentions are important.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: But intentions are not outcomes, and words are not reality.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: One of the hardest lessons many women learn is that there is often a gap between what people say they want and what they consistently choose.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Not because they're malicious, not because they're even necessarily lying, but because human beings are complicated.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: People can genuinely want one thing and repeatedly choose another.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: People can sincerely believe they're committed while continuing behaviors that undermine movement.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: People can tell themselves stories about who they are that don't match the reality of their lives.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: And if you've ever been confused by someone's behavior, chances are you've been looking at their words while reality was trying to show you something different.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: It happens in relationships all the time.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: A woman says, he says he wants a relationship, and maybe he does.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: But what is he consistently building?
7:16
SPEAKER_00: What is he consistently choosing?
7:18
SPEAKER_00: What does his life actually demonstrate?
7:22
SPEAKER_00: Someone says, I want to get healthy.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Wonderful.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: But what do they do repeatedly?
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Someone says I value my peace, but they continue to create chaos.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Someone says family is the most important thing.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: Their calendar tells a different story.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: Again, this isn't about judgment.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: It's about observation.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: And that's an important distinction.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Because wisdom is not becoming more judgmental, wisdom is becoming more observant.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Many of us spend years becoming attached to potential.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: We fall in love with someone who could become, and who they could become.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: We fall in love with the ideas that they have for their life, the ideal that they have for their life.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: We fall in love with who they say they're trying to become.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: And while there is certainly a place for hope, there is also a danger in building our lives around possibilities instead of realities.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons this is so painful is because words often feel more emotionally satisfying than reality.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Reality can be uncomfortable.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Reality can force difficult decisions.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: Reality can require us to let go of fantasies we've been carrying for years.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: Words allow us to postpone those decisions.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Words allow us to remain hopeful.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: Words allow us to believe that things are about to change.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Reality simply asks what is happening?
9:26
SPEAKER_00: Not what is promised, not what is intended, not what is hoped for.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: Because we've learned that reality is one of the most trustworthy teachers we can have.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: And the more willing we are to see reality clearly, the less likely we are to build our lives on illusions.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Next, we're going to look at the shift from intentions to patterns.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: If the first stage of wisdom is learning that words and reality are not always the same thing, the second stage is learning how to recognize patterns.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: And this is where discernment begins.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: Because once you start paying attention to patterns, something interesting happens.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: Life becomes less confusing.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily easier, not necessarily more comfortable, but less confusing.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: You begin to understand why people do what they do.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: You begin to understand why certain situations continue repeating themselves.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: You begin to understand why some relationships thrive while others remain stuck in the same cycle year after year.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: And most importantly, you begin to understand that isolated moments rarely tell the full story.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Years ago, I came to a realization that has stayed with me ever since.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: Again, I don't trust words.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm wary of actions.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: What I trust are patterns.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: And that statement often surprises people because they assume I'm saying actions don't matter.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: Of course they matter.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: But a single action can be misleading.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: A single action can be emotional or reactive or performative.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: A single action can be completely out of character.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: We've all had moments when we were at our very best.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: We've all had moments when we've been at our very worst.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Neither one necessarily tells the whole story, but patterns do.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: Patterns are what remain after emotion settles, after excitement fades, after the promises are made.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: Patterns reveal what someone consistently chooses over time.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: And consistency tells us far more than intensity ever will.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons mature women often become less impressed by grand gestures is because of the patterns.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: Not because they're unromantic, not because they're hardened, but because they've learned that a grand gesture can happen in a moment.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: Character is revealed over years.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: A declaration of love takes seconds.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: Loyalty takes time.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: A promise takes seconds.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: Integrity takes time.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: An apology takes seconds.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: But change takes time.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: And wisdom begins when we stop evaluating people based solely on what happens in a moment and we start paying attention to what happens repeatedly.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: Because repetition is where character lives.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: One of the questions I often ask myself when evaluating a situation is is this an event or is this a pattern?
14:29
SPEAKER_00: That question alone can save a tremendous amount of heartache.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Everyone has a bad day.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: Everyone makes mistakes.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: Everyone has moments when they fall short of who they want to be.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: But if the same thing keeps happening over and over and over again, we're no longer looking at an event.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: We are looking at a pattern.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: And patterns deserve our attention.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Not because we need to judge them, not because we need to fix them, but because they contain information.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: Think about your own life for a moment.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever met someone who continually found themselves in the same situation?
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Different relationship, same dynamic, different job, same frustration, different city, same problems, different opportunity, same outcome.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: At some point, wisdom asks, what is the pattern?
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Because once we identify the pattern, we can stop being distracted by the details.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: The details change.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: Pattern remains.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: This is true in relationships, it's true in friendships, it's true in families, it's true in business, and it's true in our own lives.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: And this is where wisdom becomes less about prediction and more about recognition.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes people imagine wisdom as the ability to foresee the future.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: That's not really how it works.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom isn't magic.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is pattern recognition.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: It's seeing enough repetition, you begin to understand where certain choices tend to lead.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: You don't know exactly what will happen, you simply understand the trajectory.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently avoids accountability, there is a trajectory.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently invests in their growth, there is trajectory.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently chooses short term comfort over long term fulfillment, there is a trajectory.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: You may not know every detail, but you can often see the direction, and direction matters.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: In many ways, maturity is the gradual shift from being captivated by moments to being informed by patterns, from asking what happened to asking what keeps happening, from asking what did they say to asking what do they consistently do?
17:28
SPEAKER_00: From asking what is possible to asking what is probable.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: And that last question is especially important.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: Because many women spend years organizing their lives around what is possible.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom begins when we start paying attention to what is probable.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: Not because we've lost hope, not because we've become pessimistic, but because reality has taught us something valuable.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: Potential is not a pattern.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: A promise is not a pattern.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: An intention is not a pattern.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: A pattern is a pattern.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: And when we learn to trust what people consistently create rather than what they occasionally declare, we become far less vulnerable to confusion, disappointment, and delusion.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: Not because we've stopped believing in people, because we've finally learned how to see them clearly.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: Next, we're going to examine how wisdom is seeing incentives.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: Once we begin recognizing patterns, a new question naturally emerges.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: Why?
18:53
SPEAKER_00: Why does this person keep making the same choice?
18:56
SPEAKER_00: Why does this situation keep repeating itself?
19:00
SPEAKER_00: Why does this relationship continue following the same trajectory?
19:05
SPEAKER_00: Why does this behavior persist in spite consequences?
19:11
SPEAKER_00: And while there are many ways to answer those questions, one of the most useful frameworks I've discovered is surprisingly simple.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: People move toward what is rewarding.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: People move away from what feels threatening.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: In other words, people respond to incentives.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: Now when most people hear the word incentive, they think about money.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: But incentives are much bigger than money.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: Human beings are motivated by all kinds of things safety, belonging, validation, status, comfort, certainty, approval, significance, freedom, meaning, love, security, and identity.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And once you begin understanding incentives, many human behaviors become much easier to understand.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: Not because you agree with them, not because you would make the same choices, but because you can see what the behavior is accomplishing.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: This was one of the biggest shifts in my own understanding of people.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: I stopped asking, good Lord, what is wrong with them?
20:33
SPEAKER_00: I started asking, what is this behavior doing for them?
20:39
SPEAKER_00: That's a very different question.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: Because most behavior serves a purpose, even unhealthy behavior, even self sabotaging behavior, even behaviors that seem irrational from the outside.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: There is usually a reward hidden somewhere within the pattern.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Maybe the reward is attention.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is avoiding responsibility.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is feeling needed.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is maintaining a familiar identity.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Maybe the reward is staying safe.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is avoiding rejection.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe the reward is avoiding uncertainty.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: The behavior may not be effective, the behavior may not even be healthy, but it is often understandable, and understanding creates clarity.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons wisdom feels calmer than judgment is because wisdom seeks understanding before evaluation.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Judgment says they shouldn't do that.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom says I see why they do that.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: Those are very different perspectives.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: And what's interesting is that once you begin looking through the lens of incentives, many of the mysteries of human behavior begin to disappear.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: You realize that people rarely do things randomly.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: They do things because consciously or unconsciously, those behaviors are meeting a need.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: For example, someone may say they want to change, and they may genuinely mean it.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: But if change threatens their sense of safety, belonging or identity, they may continue choosing what is familiar.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: Not because they are weak, because they are human.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: Someone may say they want a healthy relationship, but if vulnerability feels dangerous, they may continue choosing emotional distance.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: Again, not because they're bad, because they're protecting something.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Someone may say they want peace yet continue participating in drama because drama provides significance, attention, or familiarity.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: Once you begin seeing incentives, the contradiction between words and behavior often becomes easier to understand.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: And this is where wisdom becomes incredibly freeing.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: Because instead of becoming frustrated by people, you begin seeing the forces that are shaping their choices.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: You begin seeing the incentives beneath behavior.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: You begin seeing the fear beneath the resistance, the need beneath the conflict, the longing beneath the pattern.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: And strangely enough, this often creates more compassion, not less.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: Because understanding is not the same thing as excusing.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: And I want to be very clear about that.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: Understanding someone's incentives does not mean tolerating behavior that harms you.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: Understanding someone's wounds does not require sacrificing yourself.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Understanding someone's fears does not obligate you, you carry them.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom does not eliminate boundaries, it strengthens them.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: Because when you understand what's driving someone's behavior, you become less likely to personalize it.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: You stop making everything about you.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: You stop assuming you caused it.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: You stopped assuming you can fix it.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: You simply see.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: And seeing allows you to respond more intentionally.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: In many ways, this is one of the greatest gifts of maturity.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: You begin to realize that most people are not choosing between good and bad.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: They're choosing between competing incentives, competing needs, competing fears, and competing values just as you are.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: And once you understand that, you stop trying so hard to control people.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: You stop trying to convince them, you stop trying to save them.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Because you recognize something important.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: People change when their incentives change.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: People change when their awareness changes.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: People change when they are ready.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: Not because someone else wants them to.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: And that realization can be incredibly liberating.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: Because the purpose of seeing incentives is not to manipulate people.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: It isn't to gain power over them.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: It's not to predict their every move.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: The purpose is understanding.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: Purpose is clarity.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: Purpose is being able to see reality as it is instead of as you wish it would be.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: And when you concede the incentives during driving a pattern, you begin to understand not only what people are doing, but why they continue doing it.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: That understanding doesn't always make the situation easier, but it almost always makes it clearer.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: And clarity is one of the foundations of wisdom.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: Next we're going to look at understanding people without trying to change them.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: I think one of the most liberating lessons I've ever learned over the years is this understanding someone does not create responsibility for them.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: Understanding someone does not create responsibility for them.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: Because for many women, specially thoughtful, empathetic, emotionally aware women, there can be a tendency to assume that if we understand something we must do something about it.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: If we understand someone's wounds, we should help them heal.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: If we understand someone's fears, we should reassure them.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: If we understand someone's struggles, we should support them.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: If we understand why they're behaving the way that they are, we should somehow be able to fix the situation.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: But wisdom eventually teaches us a different lesson.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: Understanding is not the same thing as responsibility, and clarity is not the same thing as obligation.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: In fact, one of the many reasons women become exhausted is because they spend years trying to manage realities that do not belong to them.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: They try to convince.
28:46
SPEAKER_00: And while all of those things may come from a loving place, they often come with a hidden assumption.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: And that assumption is that if I can just help them understand, then they'll change.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: If I can just explain it differently, then they'll change.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: If I can just love them enough, then they'll change.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: And if I can just be patient enough, then they'll change.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes people do change, but not because we wanted them to.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: People change when they are ready.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: People change when awareness meets willingness.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: People change when the cost of remaining the same becomes greater than the cost of growing, and that process belongs to them, not to us.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: One of the markers of maturity is realizing that you can understand someone deeply and still allow them to make their own choices, even choices you would never make yourself.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: You can understand why someone remains in a situation, you can understand why someone avoids responsibility.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: You can understand why someone repeats the same pattern.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: You can understand why someone chooses comfort over growth, and still recognize that the choice belongs to them.
30:20
SPEAKER_00: This is where wisdom begins separating itself from control, because if we're honest, sometimes the desire to change people is not entirely about helping them.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's about reducing our own discomfort.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: We don't like watching people suffer, we don't like watching people struggle, we don't like watching people make choices that seem obvious to us.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: And so we step in, we advise, we persuade, we explain, we try to move the pieces on the board, but life has a way of teaching us that other people are not ours to manage.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: They are not our projects, they are not our assignments, they are not our responsibility.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: They are sovereign beings making sovereign choices just as we are.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: And when we truly accept that, something profound happens.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: We stop wasting energy arguing with reality.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: We stop trying to force outcomes.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: We stop trying to ex to create awareness in people who are not seeking awareness.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: We stop trying to carry burdens that were never ours to carry, and instead we begin asking a different question, not how do I change them, but given who they are, how do I choose?
31:56
SPEAKER_00: That is a very different question.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: And it's much more empowering because the truth is wisdom is not primarily about understanding other people.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is about understanding reality well enough to make good decisions for yourself.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently behaves in a particular way, the question is not why do I make them stop?
32:25
SPEAKER_00: Question is what does this information mean for me?
32:30
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently avoids accountability, what does that mean for your expectations?
32:37
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently chooses chaos, what does that mean for your boundaries?
32:44
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently demonstrates integrity, what does that mean for trust?
32:51
SPEAKER_00: If someone consistently invests in growth, what does that mean for the relationship?
32:59
SPEAKER_00: Notice how the focus shifts.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: The focus moves away from controlling them and back toward stewarding your own life.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: That, to me, is one of the most beautiful forms of maturity, because mature women eventually realize that understanding people is not about gaining power over them.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: It's about gaining clarity for themselves.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: It's about seeing reality clearly enough that they can make conscious choices where to invest, where to trust, where to remain, where to leave, where to build, where to let go, and perhaps most importantly, where to stop fighting battles that do not belong to them, because wisdom does not require us to save anyone.
33:53
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom does not require us to convince anyone.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom does not require us to parry everyone.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom simply asks us to see clearly and then choose accordingly.
34:10
SPEAKER_00: That is not indifference, it is not detachment, it is not a lack of love.
34:17
SPEAKER_00: It is actually a profound form of respect.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: Respect for another person's agency, respect for another person's journey, and respect for your own life as well, because the mature woman understands something that often takes years to learn.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: You can love people deeply without making their choices your responsibility, and that realization creates an extraordinary amount of freedom.
34:51
SPEAKER_00: Lastly, let's examine the sovereign woman and the practice of discernment.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: If you've listened to this episode so far, you may have noticed something.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: We've talked about words, we've talked about patterns, we've talked about incentives, we've talked about understanding people, and we've talked about wisdom.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: But ultimately this episode really isn't about other people at all, it's about you.
35:19
SPEAKER_00: Because the purpose of discernment is not becoming an expert on everyone else's life.
35:26
SPEAKER_00: The purpose of discernment is becoming a better steward of your own.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: And this is where the sovereign woman enters the conversation.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: One of the things I've noticed about sovereignty is that it is often misunderstood.
35:42
SPEAKER_00: People hear the word sovereign and imagine someone who is independent, detached, self sufficient, and unconcerned with others.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: But that isn't what sovereignty means to me.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: Sovereignty is not isolation.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Sovereignty is self governance.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: It's the ability to orient your life according to reality rather than according pressure, fantasy, guilt, obligation or wishful thinking.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: It's the ability to make decisions from clarity rather than reactivity, and discernment is one of the tools that makes sovereignty possible, because when you can see clearly, you can choose clearly.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: The two are connected.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: A woman who cannot see clearly will struggle to make aligned decisions.
36:39
SPEAKER_00: A woman who sees clearly but refuses to act on what she sees will struggle as well.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: Discernment requires both perception and action seeing, then choosing again and again.
36:56
SPEAKER_00: In many ways the sovereign woman is not defined by how much she knows.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: She is defined by the quality of the questions she asks.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: Questions like what pattern am I seeing?
37:10
SPEAKER_00: How long has this pattern existed?
37:13
SPEAKER_00: What incentive is driving this behavior?
37:16
SPEAKER_00: What reality am I being asked to acknowledge?
37:21
SPEAKER_00: What would happen if nothing changed?
37:24
SPEAKER_00: And perhaps one of the most powerful questions of all if this continued for the next five years, what would it create?
37:33
SPEAKER_00: I love that question because it immediately moves us beyond the emotions of the moment.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: It shifts us from the event to the pattern, from the promise to the trajectory, from what is possible to what is probable.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: Because life is not built through isolated moments.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: Life is built through repeated choices, one decision at a time, one habit at a time, one pattern at a time.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: And the sovereign woman understands this.
38:11
SPEAKER_00: She knows that every relationship has a trajectory, every friendship has a trajectory, every financial decision has a trajectory, every habit has a trajectory, and every environment has a trajectory.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: The question is not what do I hope happens?
38:32
SPEAKER_00: The question is what is this creating?
38:37
SPEAKER_00: And once she sees the answer, she takes responsibility for her own choices.
38:43
SPEAKER_00: Notice what she does not do.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: She does not spend all of her energy trying to change other people.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: She does not spend years arguing with reality.
38:54
SPEAKER_00: She does not cling to potential while ignoring evidence.
38:59
SPEAKER_00: She does not confuse compassion with self abandonment.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: Instead she pays attention, she observes, she reflects, she gathers information, and then she chooses.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that means staying, sometimes it means leaving.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means trusting, sometimes it means waiting.
39:23
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means investing more deeply, and sometimes it means stepping back.
39:31
SPEAKER_00: But whatever she chooses, the choice becomes and comes from awareness, not fantasy, not fear, not pressure, awareness.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: And that's important because discernment is not about becoming harder.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: I want to emphasize that.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: Goal of wisdom is not emotional distance.
39:56
SPEAKER_00: The goal is not suspicion.
39:58
SPEAKER_00: The goal is not becoming cold or unavailable.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: The goal is becoming trustworthy to yourself.
40:08
SPEAKER_00: That's really what we're talking about self trust, the ability to see reality and respond appropriately, the ability to honor what you know, the ability to stop talking yourself out of your own observations, the ability to acknowledge what is true even when it is inconvenient.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Because many women don't struggle with discernment, they struggle with believing their own discernment.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: They see the pattern, they uh then they explain it away, they recognize the trajectory, then they convince themselves that they're imagining it.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: They notice the inconsistency, then they give the benefit of the doubt for the fifteenth time, and eventually they stop trusting themselves.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: The sovereign woman does something different.
41:08
SPEAKER_00: She trusts her eyes, she trusts her experience, she trusts what reality is showing her, not with arrogance, not with certainty, but with quiet confidence.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: She understands that she may not know everything, but she knows enough to make her next decision, and that is all wisdom has ever required.
41:34
SPEAKER_00: Not perfect knowledge, not perfect certainty, just enough clarity to take the next aligned step.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: I think that this is one of the reasons discernment becomes more valuable as we age, because life teaches us that certainty is rare.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: Clarity is available.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: We may not know exactly how a situation will unfold, we may not know exactly what another person will choose.
42:04
SPEAKER_00: We may not know exactly what the future holds, but we can often see enough enough to choose wisely, enough to protect what matters, enough to cultivate what matters, enough to build a beautiful life.
42:21
SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, that is what discernment is for not controlling others, not predicting the future, not proving that we are right.
42:32
SPEAKER_00: Discernment exists so that we can become better stewards of our own lives, so that we can place our energy wisely, love wisely, trust wisely, and build wisely, and perhaps most importantly, so that we can live in reality rather than in fantasy.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: Because sovereignty is not having power over other people, sovereignty is having enough self trust to govern your own life, and discernment is one of the ways we learn how.
43:12
SPEAKER_00: As we close today's episode, I want to return to where we began.
43:17
SPEAKER_00: The idea that wisdom is understanding people so clearly that their next move no longer surprises you.
43:25
SPEAKER_00: And while I understand that this sentiment while I understand the sentiment behind this statement, I think wisdom is something even more beautiful than prediction.
43:39
SPEAKER_00: Because the wisest women I know are not women who can predict every outcome.
43:44
SPEAKER_00: They're not the women who never get surprised, they're not the women who always know exactly what someone will do.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: They are simply women who have learned how to orient themselves toward reality.
43:56
SPEAKER_00: They've learned how to pay attention, they've learned how to do To recognize patterns.
44:02
SPEAKER_00: They've learned how to understand incentives.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: They've learned how to see people clearly.
44:08
SPEAKER_00: And perhaps most importantly, they've learned how to trust themselves enough to respond wisely when reality reveals itself.
44:18
SPEAKER_00: That's the part I think often gets overlooked.
44:22
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is not certainty.
44:24
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is not control.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is not prediction.
44:29
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is self trust.
44:33
SPEAKER_00: It's the quiet confidence that comes from knowing that whatever happens, you are willing to see it clearly.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: You are willing to acknowledge it honestly, and you are willing to make decisions based upon what is real rather than what you wish were true.
44:52
SPEAKER_00: That is a profound form of freedom, because so much suffering comes from arguing with reality, wanting people to be different, wanting circumstances to be different, wanting outcomes to be different, holding on to potential long after reality has provided us with evidence.
45:16
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom doesn't eliminate disappointment.
45:19
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom doesn't eliminate uncertainty.
45:23
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom doesn't eliminate grief.
45:27
SPEAKER_00: What wisdom does is reduce confusion.
45:32
SPEAKER_00: Because when we stop organizing our lives around words alone and begin paying attention to patterns, something changes.
45:41
SPEAKER_00: We stop asking why is this happening?
45:46
SPEAKER_00: What is this showing me?
45:49
SPEAKER_00: We stop asking how do I change them?
45:52
SPEAKER_00: And begin asking given what I know, how do I choose?
45:58
SPEAKER_00: We stop trying to control reality and begin learning how to participate in it consciously, thoughtfully, wisely.
46:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where the sovereign woman eventually arrives, not in a place of certainty, but in a place of clarity, not in a place of control, but in a place of self governance, not in a place of perfection, but in a place of deep trust in her own discernment.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: She understands that people are complex, that life is unpredictable, that human beings will sometimes surprise her, and yet she no longer fears that because she trusts herself.
46:48
SPEAKER_00: She trusts her ability to observe, to learn, to adapt, to choose, and that trust becomes the foundation upon which she builds her life.
47:00
SPEAKER_00: So perhaps wisdom is not understanding people so clearly that their next move no longer surprises you.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps wisdom is understanding reality clearly enough that your own next move becomes obvious, and that may be one of the greatest gifts that discernment has to offer.
47:24
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening today.
47:27
SPEAKER_00: Let whatever was useful settle in its own time.
47:32
SPEAKER_00: Clarity I have found tends to unfold naturally when we give it space.
47:38
SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay rooted, stay sovereign, and stay true to your feminine path.