Latest / Trust Your Innersense™ with Joanne Starkman / 76 - Loni Jean on Finding Strength in Struggle, Grace, Empathy & Forgiveness

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76 - Loni Jean on Finding Strength in Struggle, Grace, Empathy & Forgiveness · Trust Your Innersense™ with Joanne Starkman

• 0:02
  Welcome to Trust Your Inner Sense with Joanne Starkman Podcast. I'm Joanne Starkman, and I look forward to going on this collaborative journey with you to ignite inspiration, inspire self-discovery, and instill new meaning in life. I'm excited to host a wonderful array of guests, including innovators, creatives, expert coaches, teachers, and much, much more who come together to share their stories. Each episode reveals how they've embraced their inner sense to pursue their passions and shine their unique lights in the world. We'll have thought-provoking discussions and chat about tools that will provide fresh perspectives to help you create a joyful and meaningful life. As founder and chief visionary officer of award-winning haircare brand Innersense Organic Beauty, I am also an avid meditator, platform artist, author, and mother of a special needs young adult. Over 20 years ago, I intentionally brought mindfulness to morning routines by authoring each affirmation on Innersense Organic Beauty's products, which we call Innerflexions.
• 1:12
  You can check them out on the back of the bottle. It's my goal to have this podcast to be your warm and compassionate companion, whether you're on a journey for deeper meaning, seeking greater joy, or in need of love and healing.
• 1:27
  Let's continue our journey of self-discovery, self-care, and self-love. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive into this week's Trust Your Innersense Episode now.
• 1:41
  Hey there, friends. Welcome back to Trust Your Inner Sense. Before we begin, I want to thank Kai H25 for leaving such a beautiful review. You shared that listening to the podcast feels grounding and inspiring, and that means so much because my hope is that everyone leaves my conversations feeling just a little bit more connected to yourself. So thank you so much. If you haven't already, please subscribe, and if you feel inspired inspired, write a little message of your own. I would love to hear from you guys. So anyway, today's guest is someone that I've had the joy of knowing, not just, you know, for a short period of time, for a long, long time.
• 2:19
  She's been in my life a long, long time. She's an incredible curl specialist, and she is definitely a woman that leads with heart, humility, and purpose. Loni Jean is known to many as Desert Curls on Instagram, and she's dedicated her life to helping people embrace their natural beauty. What inspires me most is her passion for education, personal growth, and extending grace to herself and to others.
• 2:45
  Her journey reminds us that when we step into who we are created to be, we give others permission to do the same. Please welcome my dear friend, Lani Jean. Hi, girlfriend. Thank you so much for being here. Hi, ladies. Thanks. I'm so grateful to have you, Lani, today. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to chat with me. I know you're so, so busy. No, it's my pleasure. I, you know, I love you. Oh, I love you too. Well, many people know you as a curl specialist, educator, founder of Desert Curl Studio. But what I've always appreciated most about you is the woman behind all of those titles.
• 3:21
  You have such a beautiful way of helping people see themselves differently, not just their hair, but really their self. I'm excited to explore the experiences, lessons, and personal growth that shaped the person you are today. So if you don't mind starting right there, Lani, I wanted to hear from you just about who was the young Lani? Like, if we were hanging out in elementary school or junior high, like, how would you describe yourself?
• 3:52
  I feel like we would have been friends. I don't know, maybe, or maybe enemies. I don't know.
• 4:00
  I feel like, well, we're both Geminis. I know. That's why I said that. Yeah.
• 4:05
  Besties forever. I love you so much.
• 4:10
  Um, yeah, you know, I think I was just like probably just as like loud and crazy as I am now, but I probably was like had more like insecurities. I just remember like being in elementary and middle school and high school and like just wishing I had friends and wishing people like liked me.
• 4:29
  So I don't know, it's such a, it's such a toss-up of who, who was little Lonnie, but I always keep like a little picture of me as a little girl just to always remind myself who I was. Don't be hard on myself.
• 4:45
  But I was like a tomboy. And yeah, I was a dork.
• 4:49
  I was for sure such a dork.
• 4:55
  I love the bringing up like you wanted people to like you because I don't know if it is for all the listeners out there, but that for me was definitely a thing to the point where I remember my mom having a conversation with me like, Joanne, just remember, not everybody's going to like you. You know what I mean? And I was like— I wish I was told that when I was younger. Yeah.
• 5:20
  You're like, being a Gemini, I feel like that's something like, me? No.
• 5:24
  They're not going to like me? How's that even possible?
• 5:31
  Oh my God, that's so funny. Well, I mean, I know that you're— I mean, I'd love you to get into a little bit your family and kind of like what shaped you in regards to that. And like how I know we've had in-depth conversations about it. And I'd love you to kind of just share some of the things that you learned, like, and what your family— I mean, we all have different families, right? Like, none of us have the perfect family by any stretch of the imagination. Like, and so I just, I admire you so much for all the things that you've gleaned from your experiences. I'd love my listeners to hear a little bit of it. Like, Maybe something they haven't heard about Loni before. Maybe people don't know this about you.
• 6:12
  I, like, tell everyone everything.
• 6:17
  I love that meme that is just like, if you're whoever you are, it doesn't matter. Like, if you have time, like, I'll tell you everything.
• 6:25
  But I think, like, when I tell my stuff, I think that, like, it helps. Obviously, it really helps in my line of work. Because then I could— I, if I'm vulnerable, they're vulnerable with me. But yeah, um, you know, it's like I always like to just be blunt and say I was totally born a crack baby. I was born with drugs in my system. Um, my mom did drugs my whole life growing up.
• 6:51
  And that was like really, really hard. But I'm definitely like a lot stronger because of it. And then I had a stepmom that came into the picture. And a lot of family on that side. And a lot of them were a big blessing to me, but a lot of them I found to be just more on the narcissistic side. So it was kind of hard growing up, you know. I didn't know— I didn't love myself.
• 7:15
  I didn't know who I was. I felt extremely abandoned, you know, from, you know, not having a mom and stuff like that. But I think that if none of those things were to have happened and if I didn't grow up in such that way, I mean, I wouldn't be who I am now or have humility and grace and empathy for others and what they might have going on. And becoming— being a product of divorce is always so fascinating and so hard. Yeah. And I think I'm just learning right now really the great, huge effects of what it was like when you grow up, just how much that really does affect you. I'm learning so much more about that. And especially, like, right now.
• 8:00
  And it is just absolutely, like, amazing and wild and sad. It's everything all combined together. Right?
• 8:08
  Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it was— it was like a really, really, really rough, rough upcoming.
• 8:15
  But, you know, I have funny stories from it, and I feel like trauma makes you really funny.
• 8:24
  That's right. We're looking— we're all looking forward to your stand-up comedy career that's going to be happening at some point, right? Oh, I'm like even more— I'm like even more inching to finally, I feel like, doing that. Oh, I think you'd be the best at it. I would love to see that happen for you. I don't know how I can support you, but I'm like, there's got to be great open mic nights that you could go to that we could just all bring all your friends. And so then it would just be like we could just all laugh and it'd be funny. Yeah. I need to just write them down is what I need to do. For sure. For sure. I crack Winter up in the salon just telling her my childhood stuff. Right.
• 9:05
  So, yeah. Do you have a quick one real quick off the cuff that you can think of? I mean, I'm trying to think if I can remember any that you've told me. You know what's so funny is I just told this story the other day, but we lived on a cul-de-sac, and actually, I just learned a lot about the meaning of a cul-de-sac, actually.
• 9:27
  And it was really funny to me. I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what a cul-de-sac is, but— Yeah.
• 9:35
  So it was almost kind of like, if I read it right, it was kind of like ever-evolving judgment.
• 9:42
  Like when you live in a cul-de-sac, you're all ever-evolvingly judging each other. Oh, because you're kind of more of a group within the neighborhood? Yeah. Yeah, like almost like you're like a circle, so you're all kind of just like looking at each other like that whole Spider-Man meme. So weird. I never even thought about that. Thank God I never lived in a cul-de-sac. Like, you kind of get jealous of the people that live in the cul-de-sac because then they can be all out in the front skating, and the people in the cul-de-sac seem to be closer than the rest of the neighborhood, or that's kind of like where people Congregate. Okay, tell me more, Lonnie. Yeah, this is very enlightening. I love it. So, so I thought that part was really funny. But, and then what brought it up for me is that at the end of my cul-de-sac, there was a little pathway where we would cut through to walk to the bus stop every morning. And I had my little Walkman with my little Nickelback in it.
• 10:43
  But But at the end of the cul-de-sac was this guy. And we lived— I was super poor growing up. Like, we definitely didn't live in a good area. But the guy at the end of the cul-de-sac, he was a total crackhead. And in the summer, he would dig a hole and he would lay in it.
• 11:02
  It was like a mud bath he would do. And with water? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, when you're a kid, you're just kind of like, that's kind of weird. But now When you look back on it, you're like, what?
• 11:18
  And he would grow corn up to his doorstep. It would line his whole pathway to his door. And he came over one time and had a huge basket of corn, and he gave it to me and my sister and my dad. And my dad was like, don't eat that crack corn.
• 11:38
  And I just remember, too, the dude had 3 nostrils. And he was— yeah, it was crazy. I don't know. It's so funny when you reflect back on your childhood, you're like, what the fuck?
• 11:54
  But yeah, so, you know, was he trying to stay cool or he was just doing his own spa treatment or like— I have no idea. I just— I have this vivid picture of him and his, like, 3 nostrils just, just kicking back in this mud pit. And that was like on the way, on the path, like on the way to school for all of us. Yeah, totally.
• 12:18
  So— Oh my goodness. That is so wild, Loni. Wow. I know. It was. Yeah, it was wild. Well, when you look back, like, at your younger self in those moments, like, what do you feel like, uh, that little Loni needed to learn most or needed most, maybe at that— maybe not at that point at the mud pit, but like, just in general? You probably needed, like, to run at that point. Oh my God.
• 12:46
  Yeah. I just, like, I needed love, you know? Just like, don't we all? When we're just little people, we just all needed, like— I just needed so much love and reassurance. Like you had just said earlier, it's like, I wish somebody had told me, like, no, not everyone's going to love you, but you love you, you know? Right. I mean, I think that's the thing that I tacked on after that, like, that I told myself, or that maybe I wish that my mom would have told me, was like, Joanne, let me let you in on this secret. Not everybody's gonna like you, which was kind of shocking and jarring at the time. I mean, good information, right? That was very valid information. But what I wish my mom would have said to me was, not everybody's gonna love you, but the important thing is that you love yourself.
• 13:39
  Like, that would have been the gem, right? Like, if somebody told me that when I was younger, oh my God. I made my stepson, like, come into the bathroom and look at himself in the mirror and tell himself that he was proud of himself. You know, like, if somebody fucking did that for me. Oh, my God.
• 13:58
  No, I know. That would have just been so healing. Well, no, it's interesting. I mean, what comes to mind for me, and it's like, not that we got deep into this earlier, but, like, you know, just, you know, you being somewhat newly married and me being married for a bazillion years, we love to talk about relationships and our relationships and, You know, being in therapy and Greg and I just recently went back to couples therapy. And, um, so, you know, I was picking your brain on it and everything. And one of the things that my therapist recently said, I'm going to paraphrase this. I'm not going to say it quite right, but it's like, we're dealing with the velocity of like 7 generations of like, you know, the lineage of not necessarily having the skills. Right. to be in relationship. So like when you decide to do this work, it's like, not only are we just starting like with this moment here in time, but I'm coping with like 7 generations back of this trajectory of like, you know, it's kind of just feels somewhat like you were talking about, like, you know, it can feel heavy at times, you know, and, you know, for Greg on his side too, it's like. Yeah. I don't know. It's just, it just makes— it's kind of mind-blowing when you think about it. So like these little things that we can do to, like, parent ourselves in the moment and know that it's gonna be okay. Right? I mean, we have good men. Like, we have really, really good men. So at least that's— we're starting there, right? Yeah, we're starting with really good men. Yeah.
• 15:38
  Yeah. I Exactly. To your point, I think that's like what I was saying earlier is I'm just discovering so much about what it— when you're— how you're raised and how that affects your whole life. But then to your point, it's so crazy, like how my dad was raised, how my mom was raised. Exactly. How his dad was raised. You know, I've learned to forgive my mom because my mom wasn't loved as a little girl. Right.
• 16:06
  And so it's like, of course, she turned to drugs because that was her way of coping in a world that was never nice to her. So it's like, for me to forgive her, it's so healing for both of our generations.
• 16:23
  That's what they say when you do the work. It's like you heal generations behind you, and you heal future generations. So I often remind myself that when I am in— crisis mode or in the crux of a challenge or something like that. Because it's like, we're not just doing this work for ourselves. Like, we're doing this for our ancestors and for our future generations. Oh my God. Yeah.
• 16:50
  Tell a little bit more about your mom. I love— and well, okay, I'm gonna brag a little bit. Lani calls me mom. So I feel like she's the, the hairdresser daughter that I never had that, you know, I gotta give Morgan props because Morgan wouldn't want to be pushed aside by any stretch of the imagination.
• 17:09
  I know. Yeah. You know, it's like meeting you, like, what, 10 years ago or something like that? Like, yeah, I— God, we could get into that. But yeah, you are a mentor figure, but you're also a mother figure to me. Like, oh my God, more than you'll ever know. I don't want to start crying, but so I love you so much. But it's funny because my mom is sober. She's been sober for about 7 years. Which is so incredible, Lani. Oh, so incredible. Because she's been doing drugs her entire life. So, and then to face the harsh reality of life when all you've done, all you've known to do is numb it, right? It's just like, I don't, I don't even understand how she did it sometimes because it takes such bravery. Mm-hmm. In just such a harsh world that you're just like, she amazes me. Now, does she still trigger me?
• 18:02
  Absolutely. Of course. We're humans, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 18:06
  I definitely feel like I'm sometimes having to play the mother to this day. So that can be really hard. But what's funny is that she is so— she's funny and she's loud and she overexplains.
• 18:22
  things, and she loves to tell stories. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm just like my mother. I know. I was going to say, is that you? Because ultimately, we do all turn into our mothers. Yeah.
• 18:33
  And I'm just like her. I'm like, I'm not a crackhead. Or am I? I don't know. But it's like, I'm like, damn, I'm really like her. She's got grace and empathy and humility, and she profusely apologizes every day if she can to me for what her choices were in the past. And that's like— to apologize every day, it's like some people who've never touched drugs can never do that. Right. A day in their life.
• 19:11
  Right. So the fact that, like, she does that and she can do that, it's like, it's very admirable. So, and, you know, when she— like, she could be a stand-up comic, you know, too.
• 19:22
  She's like, she's just like, she's cool like that. So, yeah, I mean, it ebbs and flows with her. Yeah.
• 19:30
  But again, I just, I just remember where she's from. She's, she's always so sincerely apologetic to me and always trying to heal wounds, you know, that she created and didn't always mean to create. And that's really all you can ask for. Yeah. So she's shown me a lot of— she's shown me a lot of, like, strength, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I think that is incredible when I'm reflecting on this and just hearing you talk about you and your mom, because I feel like you're somebody that I think about that has a ton of grace and how much work you've done on yourself. And then thinking about how that's probably rippled up into your mom's life, and then her healing and sobriety has rippled down into your life and how amazing that you're both choosing to do that. Like, that's incredible. I'd love to talk a little bit more about, like, being behind the chair and watching women be so hard on themselves. What lessons can we learn there from, like, a stylist? Like, it's— I mean, I think that that has kind of raised my awareness over the years to how hard I am on myself. But like, what, what else do you have anything to add to that? Because I mean, I know it's, it's standing in front of a mirror just for a hairdresser all day long can be really challenging. But then also having people come in that are just berating themselves, berating them, their hair, etc., etc. I'd love to kind of jump into that conversation. Yeah, you know what's so funny is I had a client come in and she was pregnant and she really wanted her hair done, but she was really worried about, I guess, just worried, you know, for having hair color on her when she's pregnant, you know. And then, but you could just tell she really wanted her hair colored. And I just, I was just like, you know, it seems like you really want your hair colored and I don't, I won't judge you whatever you decide to do, you know. Yeah. So if you want to leave right now, absolutely. That's totally fine and free of charge. But— But you're like, I was a crack baby and my mom did— That's exactly what I said.
• 21:50
  Oh, God. Sorry, I stole the punchline. No, shit. It's totally okay. We think the same.
• 21:58
  That's it. I was just like, look, I, I was a crack baby. I was like, so, like, if I can have had a million things, And I came out this good. I'm pretty sure a partial highlight service is going to be fine for you. And I'm not even kidding you. It's like it healed us both because she was like, yeah, let's do it. And I was like, oh my God, like my story helps someone, you know? So it was really actually like really sweet.
• 22:33
  That is so sweet. I love that. No, it's hard because you see people come in. It's all in perspective, right? I mean, I think we've talked about it too. Like, people will come in and like, oh my God, my hair is so thin, my hair is so fine. And they have like a ton of hair. Like, you're like, no, you haven't seen somebody with not much hair or vice versa. You know, I mean, it's like, we all want something. We all want to change ourselves in some way. Well, that's like what I always say. I'm like, girl, trust me, you haven't seen the worst. I just always constantly I just hear them out. Like, all they want is to be heard and seen. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And then you just— when they're insecure about their hair, you just, like, let them know there's literally nothing to be insecure about. I think the number one thing to remember is that we all have issues, and nothing is ever what it seems.
• 23:29
  Ever, ever, ever, ever. Yeah. Especially on social media.
• 23:33
  Nothing is ever what it seems. So just knowing that, having all these stories always, and how everyone unloads on me, which is fine. I, I'm totally fine with that.
• 23:45
  But it just, it just, you just realize that there's just— everyone has something internal, and I'm just there to, to make them feel beautiful and uplift them. Yeah. Let's talk a little bit about the power of authenticity, because I think that for me was something that I did not learn right away behind the chair. Like, I was like trying to be the perfectionist and like, Like, I want to make it good for their experience. Like, I don't want to dump on them. I don't want to say anything, not for the sake of like, did I even really care?
• 24:14
  It was like I was just in such service mode that it was like, I feel like I was a little stiff and kind of trying to be professional and do like the best job I could and the best hair I could. And I think that there was just a moment in my life where I was like, this is hurting my being. And I noticed as not that I would dump on my clients, but I would relate stories or say things that like kind of expose myself a little bit. And I felt like the more authentic I could be, the more my clients opened up. And I would say my business not only grew exponentially, but, um, you know, there was just something more magical in my life that happened. Can you speak a little bit on like how that journey has been for you? Because I think a lot of hairstylists can learn from that, maybe. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, it's funny because this— as you're saying this, I was trying to remember.
• 25:16
  I've always been authentic, so I've always like actually just always been myself and told my story. But now when I think about it, it's like I've always had you.
• 25:29
  And so, you know what I mean? So I've seen where— That's crazy. It's true. I've seen— I've— you have— I've been like, oh my God, she owns this business. She did hair. She's growing exponentially. And you've at least always been authentic with me. And I feel like since I've known you, you've always been authentic in your business. So I think I just took that and took a hold of that. Oh. So I've always just been blunt and straightforward, told them any and all of my pain or what's going on with me. But then I also make sure to show up because they're needing that time.
• 26:07
  They're needing those 3 hours, and they're paying that money to get their, their part. So it's like, I like to, you know, I like to put my little tidbits in there with them and be authentic if I feel it fits to their situation. So that they can see that other people are dealing with things too.
• 26:25
  But yeah, I mean, I'll tell a random stranger if you have time what's going on with me, my story, what I'm learning right now. And I've been in therapy for the last 12 years, and I'll straight up tell anyone that. Have you had the same therapist over the last 12 years? I don't know if I had the same therapist, and she was my first and only therapist. And I'm so lucky because I know that that's not always the case with a lot of stories I hear from women. But, um, yeah, like, talk about lifesaver.
• 27:02
  Like, she is literally my lifesaver. Like, she saved my life more times than I can count. Wow. But it was like that very first phone call, you know, I left her, you know, she called me and she's like, why do you want to come into therapy? I told her And she was like, okay, I can see you tomorrow. And I was like, yeah, that would— that's good because I need him tomorrow.
• 27:24
  She's like, come in, come in this afternoon. Come in. Yeah, she's like, I'm free today. But really, you inspired me too. I mean, you're just— I'm like, I just always look up to you in every single aspect. So it's like I always think to myself, what would Joanne do?
• 27:42
  Seriously, in this situation, like, what would Joanne do? And sometimes you, you might, you know, fucking cry and have a drink. But sometimes, sometimes you would like, you know, laugh it off or whatever it is. So, well, you know what my thing, you know what my thing was? Maybe you can take this one away. I don't know if you've ever said this thought to yourself. I'm like, lately I'm like, take a deep breath. Like, get in your body.
• 28:07
  Like, where does it— the other day, Greg and I were kind of getting into it. I literally, I was like, I could just feel like my anger arising. I could just feel the electricity coming off my body. And I was like, I just can't even sit. We were sitting down and I was like, I need to walk. I'm like, give me like 2 minutes, 3 minutes. I will be right back. And I took a deep breath and I stood up and like walked around like the parking lot of where we're at. Yeah. And I came back to the table. That was the first time I'd ever done that before. But it was like I just felt like this— I had to move this energy through me. That's amazing.
• 28:48
  Yeah, that's what I'm learning right now, is to do that.
• 28:52
  Yeah, literally. That's like— I'm like in one of the hardest seasons of my life right now because I am— yeah, I have that abandonment wound. And so I am learning I'm a pursuer. I'm a— I can't let it go. Oh, yes. If I let it go, then I'm being abandoned. You're gonna abandon me. And yeah. And so even you just saying that you were admirable enough to, like, to, like, get up and walk around, it's like, that's crazy talk to me because I'm like, what? That's cool you did that.
• 29:30
  Because that's what I'm trying to do. Well, I was just going to say, it is about letting go, Lani.
• 29:39
  It's all about letting go. I hear you. Yeah. Oh, I see myself so much in that. Yeah. And I don't do it perfectly at all, but it is just like, let it go. Just let it go.
• 29:54
  Yeah. Like what you said about when you feel that and you feel something in your body and The thing is, I think with somebody with abandonment issues and, like, a pursuer, what they do is they just, like, they don't— like, I end up ignoring my body and my signals. Mm-hmm. And then I just keep, like, pursuing, and I keep trying to, like, fix a situation right then because I'm just so afraid that if I— well, I just don't listen to myself. And then I'm like, if I let you be, like, you're gonna abandon me. And it's— that's a tough one. And my therapist even straight up said, she was like, you have— like, you're— you have those abandonment wounds because literally you were abandoned. And it's like, it's true. I was. Yeah. I was abandoned by all the most important people in my life for a majority of my life. So it's a— oh, man. I've been I'm learning that, and I'm trying to heal from that because I don't want to continue.
• 30:53
  I don't want to continue these cycles. I don't want to continue these, these habits.
• 30:57
  And I just want to be okay. And I just want to be okay with myself. So no matter what happens, I, I want to be okay with me just regardless of what's going on.
• 31:08
  And it's hard. It's like the hardest thing I think I've ever done in my life. Yeah, it's a tough one. It is a tough one, Lonnie. And there's so much goodness on the other side of all these things.
• 31:20
  And I think relationships are like our biggest teachers.
• 31:24
  And there's times where I'm like, boy, did I pick some really good teachers this time around? Like, I must have needed to learn a lot this lifetime. So I am right there with you.
• 31:39
  And I just want to let you know that I'm here for you, sister. And like this, the feeling in the body thing, that was a new one for me, I have to say. Yeah. Like, I mean, I was so— it came over my body like electricity. And I don't know, I now that I mean, I feel like we're kind of unpacking this. And I, I'm excited to even get off this conversation and reflect on it a little bit more. Because I don't think that is my usual to do that. Because I don't— Right.
• 32:09
  Usually walk away. I'm usually like more grounded and stay with it. But I felt like my body needed me to just leave the situation for a few seconds, and I was able to come back and reset and kind of be more adult-like. It was really weird.
• 32:30
  Yeah, that's what I'm trying to get to, is I'm just trying to— the advice I get is, yeah, just notice when you're starting to have those deep-seated wounds. And your body is starting to come up and feel something, learn to just be like, pull away, breathe, do whatever, just do something else. And it's just like, in that moment, I will be like, oh, I should just get in the shower. I shouldn't pursue this. I should just get in the shower.
• 33:03
  But my old deep abandonment wounds take over. Yeah. That, and I end up pursuing the situation more. So it's— yeah, it's a— it's— and I mean, I think now that you said, you know, you're doing it, now I'll probably start doing it.
• 33:24
  I have to keep doing it though. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We'll have to check in.
• 33:27
  I'm gonna call you and be like, yeah, you still doing it?
• 33:31
  Yeah. Oh my God. Wow. I don't even know where to go from here, Loni. I mean, I feel like people are like, they want to get on this because they want to get all the hair tips and tricks and stuff like that. They're like, you're talking with Loni?
• 33:45
  We want to talk about hair because you're a master stylist.
• 33:52
  But we're not— I don't even think we talk about hair when we get together so much. So no, I don't think we ever talk about hair. Oh my God. I don't know. Do you want to talk a little bit about leadership and your leadership style and what it's been for you owning the salon over all these years? Or like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe people might want to hear about that. It's so funny because when I was younger, I had this— they were called odysseys.
• 34:22
  And I went on an odyssey is what it was. And basically, You're like 2 things in a— you're like, your life mission is 2 things. And my life mission was leader visionary.
• 34:37
  And that's a whole other thing we could talk about another time. That's perfect for you, though. I totally see that. I think too. Yeah. I have had the salon for a long time now, and I have 2 stylists in it that I really love. I also had a spot in San Diego, and I had There was 2 girls in there as well. I've since closed that one down due to boundaries.
• 35:03
  But— and just life. But I love my girls. I love Winter and Miriam so much. They're so amazing. I mentor Miriam still to this day and love them to death. I'm just here to, like, help guide them through life.
• 35:20
  I think my number one thing is that as a leader, I want you to end up surpassing me. I want you to end up taking my wisdom and your own wisdom and trusting your own inner sense and going off with that and becoming even greater and bigger than I could have or you could have even imagined for yourself.
• 35:48
  Yeah. So I'm just always trying to lead them in a way that they feel like they can just kill it in life, not even just in business, but just in life in general. And that there's always possibilities, there's endless money, and there's just endless business that can be had for them. This is really what I— is really what I try to do, you know?
• 36:11
  Mm-hmm. Um, and then I just try to always take like ego out of it.
• 36:15
  And always try to have humility and grace and empathy. And we're not going to all always show up 100% as who we are and letting them know that that's okay if they don't either, but knowing how to get back up afterwards. Amazing. That's incredible. Well, Lani, what are you dreaming up these days?
• 36:39
  What's on the horizon for you? Where are you? I mean, I know it's probably— I mean, even now that I just even asked that question, if we're digging in, I don't know about you, but if we're digging in deep, sometimes it's hard to dream. So maybe you might not be, or maybe you are. I don't know. Yeah. I think my number one goal right now is that abandonment piece. Yeah.
• 37:01
  So it's like, I really want to try to heal that part about me.
• 37:05
  So that right now is like my dream. And then my other dream, I would say, is— I mean, I really want to try the stand-up comedy thing, but it's not number one on my list. No, I think You should, Loni. You'd be good at it. I feel like maybe one day I want to just— I need to just write down my jokes. That's what I need to do. Yes, for sure. And then maybe just grow some cojones and just do even a mic night where I have, like, 10 minutes on stage and I don't know anyone. And just don't tell anyone and just do it. Just do it. Yeah. Yeah. And then I would like to have a child of my own. am a stepmom, and that has been like the heart— like just absolutely the hardest and most rewarding job title yet. Mm. So that's the— that's like— that's been my main focus and goal as well, is heal myself so I can help just raise him and heal him.
• 38:03
  And, and then, um, if God willing, I'll have my own child and start that journey too. So I'm rooting for that one. Just let me know how I can help there. Yeah.
• 38:15
  Thank you. Give me that baby. I know. You know me. I want to be grandma. I know. Yeah. So, I mean, those are main things for me right now. If you were to ask me what my business goals are right now, I would say just I think love, love it a little bit more in the salon.
• 38:43
  Like, um, you know, you just— everyone gets into a routine. You get mundane, or you feel pressure. You feel pressure to keep performing or to keep up with the rat race. And I think what I'm trying to do right now is just focus on, like, loving it, what I do, and having it just be very, like, natural and organic. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So it's like, yeah, if I feel like this is really comfy, I'll flip on the camera and like, let's record and I'll record doing your hair. But then there's going to be days and I have clients I've had for 10 years that don't want to be recorded and being okay with not getting content that day and just being okay with just being where I'm at in that moment, I guess, is what— which I think is like one of the hardest things to do in business because I think we think we just need to keep going. Yeah, no, totally. Yeah. Being present, breathing, connecting with our body. We can do the same thing in our business too, but we forget about that sometimes because there's definitely a lot of striving that happens for those of us that are entrepreneurs, right? Yeah. And I did so much traveling with you guys. I traveled the world. I traveled the world with you guys. We had so many fun, amazing times. I've been to so many cities.
• 40:03
  taught so much. And so now I'm just like, okay, now what?
• 40:09
  Let's just breathe and just love what we're doing right now. And you don't have to have— I don't have to travel to a city to teach to know I'm still Awesomeness Hair. Right. I'm good right now in the moment I'm at. Amazing.
• 40:29
  That's so cool. I love that, Lonnie. Well, is there anything else that you can think of that my listeners would love to know before we start to wrap it up? I'm just— yeah, anything we forgot?
• 40:40
  Anything we didn't cover? I feel like this went exactly how I thought it would go for us, where you just end up getting into the nitty gritty or funny trauma and just trauma. Let's talk about trauma. I love trauma. I know. I know. I swear, I feel like my husband's like, say that word one more time.
• 41:05
  Oh, we haven't even talked about Tony. Oh, I love him. I know. And Declan. You've got the best boys ever. Yeah, they're very sweet. Yeah. Okay, well— Well, thank you so much. I love you. You know I love you so much. Thank you for being here, Loni. Thanks for taking— Thanks for joining on your busy day. I just really love you. Oh my gosh. Well, I appreciate you so much. Thanks for sharing your heart and your wisdom and your journey with us. What I love most about our conversation is that the reminder that true beauty isn't about perfection. It's about embracing who we are, extending grace to ourselves, and having the courage to show up authentically.
• 41:48
  Your passion for helping others see their own beauty and worth is such a gift, Lani. And I know listeners will walk away feeling inspired to trust themselves a little bit more deeply.
• 41:59
  Thank you for the work you do and for the light that you bring to so many people's lives. And then friends, if you'd like to learn more about Lani Jean, be sure to check out the show notes and remember, and I'm gonna, I'm remembering this for me and for you, Lani, our body is always communicating with us and learning to listen more deeply. We just don't understand how deep that can be sometimes. So, and we get to, through listening to our body, return to alignment.
• 42:29
  and return to the life that we're really meant to live. So thank you so much. And please, please always remember, trust your inner sense. Trust your inner sense. Yay.
• 42:43
  Thank you so much for joining me for today's episode, dear friends.
• 42:47
  I would be thrilled to hear which part resonated with you the most.
• 42:51
  Your reflections on today's topic and how it sparked Action in your life mean a lot to me. Feel free to share your thoughts at podcasts@innersensebeauty.com or leave a review. I look forward to you coming back next week to explore another exciting topic together. If you'd like to dive deeper, be sure to check out the show notes for some valuable links. Until we meet again, take good care of yourself. Know that you are surrounded by love.
• 43:19
  Love, and always trust your inner sense.
• 43:23
  Wishing you all the best, friends.