Latest / Unnatural Death / 06 - Unnatural Death by Dorothy L. Sayers
Transcript
- 0:01Speaker 1: Chapter six of Unnatural Death by Dorothy Sayers. This LibriVox
- 0:07Speaker 1: recording is in the public dummy found dead blood though
- 0:14Speaker 1: it's sleep a time, yet never dies. Chapman the widow's tears.
- 0:23Speaker 1: You know, Whimsey, I think you've found a mayor's nest, objected,
- 0:28Speaker 1: mister Parker. I don't believe there's the slightest reason for
- 0:33Speaker 1: supposing that there was anything odd about the Dawson woman's death.
- 0:38Speaker 1: You've nothing to go on but a conceited young doctor's
- 0:42Speaker 1: opinion and a lot of silly gossips. You've got an
- 0:47Speaker 1: official mind, Charles replied his friend. Your official passion for
- 0:52Speaker 1: evidence is gradually sapping your brilliant intellect and smothering your instincts.
- 1:00Speaker 1: You're over civilized. That's your trouble Compared with you, I
- 1:05Speaker 1: am a child of nature. I dwell among the untrodden ways,
- 1:10Speaker 1: beside the springs of deve a maid, whom there are.
- 1:14Speaker 1: I am shocked to say, few to praise, likewise very
- 1:18Speaker 1: few to love, which is perhaps just as well. I
- 1:23Speaker 1: know there is something wrong about this case, how how well,
- 1:31Speaker 1: just as I know there is something wrong about that
- 1:34Speaker 1: case of reputed Lafitte seventy six, which that infernal fellow
- 1:40Speaker 1: Petty Grew Robinson had the nerve to try out on
- 1:43Speaker 1: me the other night. It has a nasty flavor. Flavor
- 1:49Speaker 1: be damned. There's no indication of violence or poison. There's
- 1:54Speaker 1: no motive for doing away with the old girl, and
- 1:58Speaker 1: there's no possibility of proving anything against any body. Lord
- 2:04Speaker 1: Peter selected a vilari vilar from his case and lighted
- 2:09Speaker 1: it with artistic care. Look here, he said, Will you
- 2:15Speaker 1: take a bet about it? I'll lay you ten to
- 2:18Speaker 1: one that Agatha Dawson was murdered, twenty to one that
- 2:23Speaker 1: Mary Whittaker did it, and fifty to one that I
- 2:27Speaker 1: bring it home to her within the year. Are you on,
- 2:31Speaker 1: Parker laughed, I'm a poor man, Your majesty, he temporized.
- 2:38Speaker 1: There you are, said Lord Peter triumphantly. You're not comfortable
- 2:43Speaker 1: about it yourself. If you were, you'd have said it's
- 2:47Speaker 1: taking your money, old chap and closed like a shot
- 2:52Speaker 1: in the happy assurance of a certainty. I've seen enough
- 2:57Speaker 1: to know that nothing is a certainty, retorted the detective.
- 3:02Speaker 1: But I'll take you in half crowns, he added, cautiously.
- 3:09Speaker 1: Had you said ponies, replied Lord Peter, I would have
- 3:13Speaker 1: taken your alleged poverty into consideration and spared you. But
- 3:18Speaker 1: seven and sixpence will neither make nor break you. Consequently,
- 3:22Speaker 1: I shall proceed to make my statements good. And what
- 3:27Speaker 1: step do you propose taking, inquired Parker sarcastically. Shall you
- 3:34Speaker 1: apply for an exhumation order and search for poison regardless
- 3:38Speaker 1: of the analyst's report, or kidnap Miss Whittaker and apply
- 3:43Speaker 1: the third degree in the gallic manner? Not at all.
- 3:48Speaker 1: I am more modern. I shall use up to date
- 3:51Speaker 1: psychological methods like the people in psalms, I lay traps,
- 3:57Speaker 1: I catch men. I shall the alleged criminal convict herself.
- 4:03Speaker 1: Go on, you are a one, aren't you, said Parker, jeeringly.
- 4:09Speaker 1: I am. Indeed. It is a well established psychological fact
- 4:13Speaker 1: that criminals cannot let well alone. They revisit the place
- 4:19Speaker 1: of the crime, don't interrupt, blast you, They take unnecessary
- 4:25Speaker 1: steps to cover the traces which they haven't left, and
- 4:29Speaker 1: so invite seriatim, suspicion, inquiry, proof, conviction, and the gallows
- 4:38Speaker 1: eminent legal writers. No pox, don't chuck that, Saint Augustine
- 4:43Speaker 1: about It's valuable anyhow, not to cast the jewels of
- 4:48Speaker 1: my eloquence into the pig bucket. I propose to insert
- 4:52Speaker 1: this advertisement in all the morning papers. Miss Whittaker must
- 4:58Speaker 1: read some product of our brilliant journalistic age. I suppose
- 5:03Speaker 1: by this means we shall kill two birds with one stone,
- 5:07Speaker 1: start two hairs at once, you mean, grumbled Parker. Hand
- 5:12Speaker 1: it over. Bertha and Evelyn go to bed, formerly in
- 5:19Speaker 1: the service of Miss Agatha Dawson of the Grove Wellington Avenue, Leehampton,
- 5:26Speaker 1: are requested to communicate with J. Merble's solicitor of staple Inn,
- 5:33Speaker 1: when they will hear of something to their advantage. Rather good,
- 5:39Speaker 1: I think, don't you, said Whimsey. Calculated to rouse suspicion
- 5:44Speaker 1: in the most innocent mind. I bet you Mary Whittaker
- 5:48Speaker 1: will fall for that. In what way? I don't know.
- 5:55Speaker 1: That's what's so interesting. I hope nothing unpleasant will happen
- 5:59Speaker 1: to dear old Myrbles. I should hate to lose him.
- 6:03Speaker 1: He's such a perfect type of the family solicitor. Still,
- 6:07Speaker 1: a man in his profession must be prepared to take risks.
- 6:11Speaker 1: Oh bosh, said Parker. But I agree that it might
- 6:16Speaker 1: be as well to get hold of the girls if
- 6:19Speaker 1: you really want to find out about the Dawson household,
- 6:23Speaker 1: servants always know everything. It isn't only that. Don't you
- 6:30Speaker 1: remember that Nurse Phileter said the girls were sacked shortly
- 6:34Speaker 1: before she left herself. Now passing over the odd circumstances
- 6:40Speaker 1: of the nurse's own dismissal, the story about Miss Dawson's
- 6:45Speaker 1: refusing to take food from her hands, which wasn't at
- 6:49Speaker 1: all borne out by the old lady's own attitude to
- 6:52Speaker 1: her nurse, isn't it worth considering that these girls should
- 6:56Speaker 1: have been pushed off on some excuse just about three
- 7:00Speaker 1: weeks after one of those hysterical attacks of Miss Dawson's.
- 7:06Speaker 1: Doesn't it rather look as though everybody who was likely
- 7:10Speaker 1: to remember anything about that particular episode had been got
- 7:16Speaker 1: out of the way. Well, there was a good reason
- 7:20Speaker 1: for getting rid of the girls crockery. Well, nowadays it's
- 7:26Speaker 1: not so easy to get good servants. Mistresses put up
- 7:30Speaker 1: with a deal more carelessness than they did in their
- 7:33Speaker 1: dear dead days. Beyond recall than about that attack, Why
- 7:39Speaker 1: did miss Whittaker choose just the very moment when the
- 7:43Speaker 1: highly intelligent nurse Phileater had gone for her walk to
- 7:48Speaker 1: bother Miss Dawson about signing some tiresome old lease or other.
- 7:54Speaker 1: If business was liable to upset the old girl, why
- 7:57Speaker 1: not have a capable person at hand to calm her down.
- 8:02Speaker 1: Oh but miss Whittaker is a trained nurse. She was
- 8:06Speaker 1: surely capable enough to see to her aunt herself. I'm
- 8:11Speaker 1: perfectly sure she was a very capable woman, indeed, said
- 8:15Speaker 1: Whimsy with emphasis. Oh all right, you're prejudiced, but stick
- 8:22Speaker 1: the ad in. By all means, it can't do any harm.
- 8:27Speaker 1: Lord Peter paused in the very act of ringing the bell,
- 8:31Speaker 1: his jaw slackened, giving his long, narrow face a faintly
- 8:35Speaker 1: foolish and hesitant look reminiscent of the heroes of Mister p. G. Woodhouse.
- 8:42Speaker 1: You don't think he began? Oh rats, he pressed the button.
- 8:49Speaker 1: It can't do any harm. As you say, Bunter, see
- 8:53Speaker 1: that this advertisement appears in the personal columns of all
- 8:56Speaker 1: the list of papers here every day until for their notice.
- 9:03Speaker 1: The advertisement made its first appearance on the Tuesday morning.
- 9:07Speaker 1: Nothing of any note happened during the week, except that
- 9:11Speaker 1: Miss Clemson wrote in some distress to say that the
- 9:15Speaker 1: youngest Miss Findlater had at length succeeded in persuading Miss
- 9:20Speaker 1: Whittaker to take definite steps about the poultry farm. They
- 9:25Speaker 1: had gone away together to look at a business which
- 9:28Speaker 1: they had seen advertised in the Poultry News, and proposed
- 9:32Speaker 1: to be away for some weeks. Miss Clempson feared that
- 9:36Speaker 1: under the circumstances she would not be able to carry
- 9:40Speaker 1: on any investigations of sufficient importance to justify her far
- 9:45Speaker 1: too generous salary. She had, however, become friendly with Miss Findlater,
- 9:52Speaker 1: who had promised to tell her all about their doings.
- 9:56Speaker 1: Lord Peter replied in reassuring terms on the Tuesday following,
- 10:02Speaker 1: mister Parker was just wrestling in prayer with his charlady,
- 10:07Speaker 1: who had a tiresome habit of boiling his breakfast kippers
- 10:10Speaker 1: till they resembled heavily pickled loof os. When the telephone
- 10:16Speaker 1: word aggressively, is that you, Charles asked Lord Peter's voice.
- 10:22Speaker 1: I say, Marbles has had a letter about the girl
- 10:25Speaker 1: Bertha go to bed. She disappeared from her lodgings last Thursday,
- 10:31Speaker 1: and her landlady, getting anxious and having seen the advertisement,
- 10:36Speaker 1: is coming to tell us all she knows. Can you
- 10:39Speaker 1: come round to staple inn at eleven the no, said
- 10:44Speaker 1: Parker a little irritably. I've got a job to see too.
- 10:48Speaker 1: Surely you can tackle it by yourself. Oh yes, the
- 10:53Speaker 1: voice was peevish, but I thought you'd like to have
- 10:57Speaker 1: some fun. What an ungrateful devil you are. You aren't
- 11:01Speaker 1: taking the faintest interest in this case. Well, I don't
- 11:06Speaker 1: believe in it, you know, all right? Don't use his
- 11:09Speaker 1: language like that. You'll frighten the girl at the exchange.
- 11:13Speaker 1: I'll see what I can do. Eleven write, Oh I say, cluck,
- 11:20Speaker 1: said the telephone rung off, said Parker bitterly. Bertha go
- 11:25Speaker 1: to bed, Hm, I could have sworn. He reached across
- 11:31Speaker 1: to the breakfast table for the Daily Yell, which was
- 11:34Speaker 1: propped against the marmalade jar, and read with pursed lips
- 11:38Speaker 1: a paragraph whose heavily leaded headlines had caught his eye
- 11:43Speaker 1: just before the interruption of the Kipper episode Nippy found
- 11:50Speaker 1: dead in Epping Forest, five pound note in hand bag.
- 11:56Speaker 1: He took up the receiver again and asked for whimsies number.
- 12:01Speaker 1: The man servant answered him, his lordship is in his bath, Sir.
- 12:06Speaker 1: Shall I put you through? Please? Said Parker. The telephone
- 12:11Speaker 1: clucked again. Presently, Lord Peter's voice came faintly. Hullo. Did
- 12:18Speaker 1: the landlady mention where Bertha go to bed? Was employed? Yes,
- 12:23Speaker 1: she was a waitress at the corner house. Why this
- 12:27Speaker 1: interest all of a sudden? You snub me in my bed,
- 12:30Speaker 1: but you woo me in my bath? Sounds like a
- 12:34Speaker 1: music hall song of the less refined sort. Why oh
- 12:38Speaker 1: why haven't you seen the papers? No, I leave those
- 12:43Speaker 1: follies till breakfast time. What's up? Are we ordered to Shanghai?
- 12:48Speaker 1: Or have they taken sixpence off the income tax? Shut up,
- 12:53Speaker 1: you fool, it's serious. You're too late. What for Bertha?
- 12:59Speaker 1: God was found dead in Epping Forest this morning? Good God? Dead?
- 13:07Speaker 1: How what of no idea poison or something or heart failure?
- 13:13Speaker 1: No violence, no robbery, no clue. I'm going down to
- 13:17Speaker 1: the yard about it now, God forgive me, Charles. Do
- 13:22Speaker 1: you know I had a sort of awful feeling when
- 13:24Speaker 1: you said the ad could do no harm? Dead, poor girl, Charles.
- 13:29Speaker 1: I feel like a murderer. Oh damn, And I'm all wet.
- 13:34Speaker 1: It does make one feel so helpless. Look here, you
- 13:38Speaker 1: spin down to the yard and tell em what you know,
- 13:40Speaker 1: and I'll join you there in half a tick anywhere.
- 13:43Speaker 1: There's no doubt about it now. Oh but look here,
- 13:48Speaker 1: it may be something quite different, nothing to do with
- 13:51Speaker 1: your ad Pigs may fly. Use your common sense, Oh,
- 13:56Speaker 1: Aunt Charles, does it mention the sister? Yes, there was
- 14:01Speaker 1: a letter from her on the body by which they
- 14:04Speaker 1: identified it. She got married last month and went to Canada.
- 14:09Speaker 1: That's saved her life. She'll be in absolutely horrible danger
- 14:14Speaker 1: if she comes back. We must get hold of her
- 14:17Speaker 1: and warn her and find out what she knows. Good Bye,
- 14:22Speaker 1: I must get some clothes on. Oh hell cluck. The
- 14:27Speaker 1: line went dead again, and mister Parker, abandoning the Kippers
- 14:31Speaker 1: without regret, ran feverishly out of the house and down
- 14:36Speaker 1: Lamb's Conduit Street to catch a diver tramp to Westminster.
- 14:42Speaker 1: The chief of Scotland Yard, Sir Andrew Mackenzie, was a
- 14:46Speaker 1: very old friend of Lord Peters. He received that agitated
- 14:50Speaker 1: young man kindly and listened with attention to his slightly
- 14:55Speaker 1: involved story of cancer Will's mysterious solicitors and advertisements in
- 15:02Speaker 1: the Agony column. It's a curious coincidence, he said, indulgently,
- 15:10Speaker 1: And I can understand your feeling upset about it, but
- 15:14Speaker 1: you may set your mind at rest. I have the
- 15:16Speaker 1: police surgeon's report, and he is quite convinced that the
- 15:20Speaker 1: death was perfectly natural. No signs whatever of any assault.
- 15:26Speaker 1: They will make an examination, of course, but I don't
- 15:29Speaker 1: think there is the slightest reason to suspect foul play.
- 15:34Speaker 1: But what was she doing in Epping Forest? Sir Andrew
- 15:39Speaker 1: shrugged gently. That must be inquired into, of course. Still,
- 15:45Speaker 1: young people do wander about, you know, there's a fiance somewhere,
- 15:50Speaker 1: something to do with the railway. I believe Collins has
- 15:54Speaker 1: gone down to interview him, or she may have been
- 15:57Speaker 1: with some other friend. But if the death was natural,
- 16:02Speaker 1: no one would leave a sick or dying girl like that.
- 16:06Speaker 1: You wouldn't but say there had been some running about,
- 16:11Speaker 1: some horse play, and the girl fell dead, as these
- 16:15Speaker 1: heart cases sometimes do. The companion may well have taken
- 16:19Speaker 1: fright and cleared out. It's not unheard of. How long
- 16:24Speaker 1: has she been dead? About five or six days. Our
- 16:29Speaker 1: man thinks it was quite by accident that she was
- 16:32Speaker 1: found then at all. It's quite an unfrequented part of
- 16:36Speaker 1: the forest. A party of young people were exploring with
- 16:40Speaker 1: a couple of terriers, and one of the dogs nosed
- 16:43Speaker 1: out the body. Was it out in the open, not exactly.
- 16:50Speaker 1: It lay among some bushes, the sort of place where
- 16:53Speaker 1: a frolicsome young couple might go to play hide and seek,
- 16:58Speaker 1: or where a murderer might go to play hide and
- 17:01Speaker 1: let the police seek, said Whimsy. Well, well have it
- 17:06Speaker 1: your own way, said Sir Andrew, smiling. If it was murder,
- 17:11Speaker 1: it must have been a poisoning job, for as I say,
- 17:15Speaker 1: there was not the slightest sign of a wound or
- 17:18Speaker 1: a struggle. I'll let you have the report of the autopsy.
- 17:22Speaker 1: In the meanwhile, if you'd like to run down there
- 17:25Speaker 1: with Inspector Parker, you can, of course have any facilities
- 17:29Speaker 1: you want, and if you discover anything, let me know.
- 17:34Speaker 1: Whimsy thanked him, and, collecting Parker from an adjacent office,
- 17:39Speaker 1: rushed him briskly down the corridor. I don't like it,
- 17:45Speaker 1: he said. That is, of course, it's very gratifying to
- 17:49Speaker 1: know that our first steps in psychology have led to action,
- 17:53Speaker 1: so to speak. But I wish to god it hadn't
- 17:56Speaker 1: been quite such decisive action. We'd better trot down to
- 18:00Speaker 1: Epping straight away and see the land lady. Later, I've
- 18:04Speaker 1: got a new car by the way, which you'll like.
- 18:07Speaker 1: Mister Parker took one look at the slim black monster
- 18:11Speaker 1: with its long rakish body and polished copper twin exhausts,
- 18:16Speaker 1: and decided there and then that the only hope of
- 18:19Speaker 1: getting down to Epping without interference was to look as
- 18:23Speaker 1: official as possible and wave his police authority under the
- 18:28Speaker 1: eyes of every man in blue along the route. He
- 18:33Speaker 1: shoehorned himself into his seat without protest, and was more
- 18:38Speaker 1: unnerved than relieved to find himself shoot suddenly ahead of
- 18:42Speaker 1: the traffic, not with the bellowing roar of the ordinary
- 18:46Speaker 1: racing engine, but in a smooth, uncanny silence the new
- 18:52Speaker 1: Daimler twin six, said Lord Peter, skimming dexterously round a
- 18:57Speaker 1: lorry without appearing to look at it, with a racing body,
- 19:02Speaker 1: specially built useful gadgets. No row hate row Like Edmund
- 19:10Speaker 1: Sparkler very anxious there should be no row. Little Dorrit
- 19:17Speaker 1: remember call her missus Myrdle for that reason. Presently we'll
- 19:23Speaker 1: see what she can do. The promise was fulfilled before
- 19:28Speaker 1: their arrival at the spot where the body had been found.
- 19:31Speaker 1: Their arrival made a considerable sensation among the little crowd,
- 19:36Speaker 1: which business or curiosity had drawn to the spot. Lord
- 19:40Speaker 1: Peter was instantly pounced upon by four reporters and a
- 19:44Speaker 1: synod of press photographers, whom his presence encouraged in the
- 19:49Speaker 1: hope that the mystery might turn out to be a
- 19:52Speaker 1: three columns splash. After all, Parker, to his annoyance, was
- 19:58Speaker 1: photographed in the undigied act of extricating himself from missus Myrtle.
- 20:06Speaker 1: Superintendent Well Missley came politely to his assistance, rebuked the onlookers,
- 20:12Speaker 1: and led him to the scene of the action. The
- 20:16Speaker 1: body had been already removed to the mortuary, but a
- 20:20Speaker 1: depression in the moist ground showed clearly enough where it
- 20:23Speaker 1: had lain. Lord Peter groaned faintly as he saw it.
- 20:29Speaker 1: Damn this nasty warm spring weather, he said, with feeling.
- 20:34Speaker 1: April showers, sun and water couldn't be worse. Budy much altered,
- 20:40Speaker 1: Superintendent Well, Yes, rather, my Lord, especially in the exposed parts.
- 20:49Speaker 1: But there's no doubt about the identity. I didn't suppose
- 20:53Speaker 1: there was. How was it lying on the back quiet
- 20:58Speaker 1: like and nowal no disarrangement of clothing or anything. She
- 21:05Speaker 1: must have just sat down when she felt herself bad
- 21:09Speaker 1: and fallen back. Hum. The rain has spoilt any footprints
- 21:15Speaker 1: or signs on the ground, and it's grassy, beastly stuff grass, eh, Charles. Yes,
- 21:23Speaker 1: these twigs don't seem to have been broken at all,
- 21:26Speaker 1: Superintendent oh No, said the officer. No signs of a struggle,
- 21:34Speaker 1: as I pointed out in my report. No. But if
- 21:38Speaker 1: she'd sat down here and fallen back as you suggest,
- 21:43Speaker 1: don't you think her weight would have snapped some of
- 21:46Speaker 1: these young shoots. The superintendent glanced sharply at the Scotland yard. Man.
- 21:53Speaker 1: You don't suppose she was brought and put here, do you, sir?
- 22:00Speaker 1: I don't suppose anything, retorted Parker. I merely drew attention
- 22:05Speaker 1: to a point which I think you should consider. What
- 22:08Speaker 1: are these wheel marks? That's our car, sir. We backed
- 22:13Speaker 1: it up here and took her up that way, and
- 22:17Speaker 1: all this trapling is your meant to. I suppose partly that, sir,
- 22:23Speaker 1: and partly the party has found her. You noticed no
- 22:28Speaker 1: other person's tracks. I suppose no, sir. But it's rained
- 22:34Speaker 1: considerably this last week. Besides, the rabbits have been all
- 22:40Speaker 1: over the place, as you can see and other creatures too.
- 22:44Speaker 1: I fancy weasels or something of that sort. Oh well,
- 22:51Speaker 1: I think you'd better take a look around. There might
- 22:55Speaker 1: be traces of some kind a bit further away. Make
- 22:58Speaker 1: a circle and report anything you see. And you oughtn't
- 23:02Speaker 1: to have let all that bunch of people get so near.
- 23:05Speaker 1: Put a cordon round and tell em to move on.
- 23:09Speaker 1: Have you seen all you want? Peter Whimsy had been
- 23:13Speaker 1: poking his stick aimlessly into the bowl of an oak
- 23:17Speaker 1: tree at a few yards distance. Now he stooped and
- 23:22Speaker 1: lifted out a package which had been stuffed into a cleft.
- 23:26Speaker 1: The two policemen hurried forward with eager interest, which evaporated
- 23:31Speaker 1: somewhat at sight of the find a ham sandwich and
- 23:36Speaker 1: an empty bass bottle roughly wrapped up in greasy newspaper picnickers,
- 23:43Speaker 1: said Walmisley with a snort. Nothing to do with the body,
- 23:48Speaker 1: I dare say, I think you're mistaken, said Whimsy placidly.
- 23:54Speaker 1: When did the girl disappear? Exactly Well, she went off
- 23:59Speaker 1: duty the corner house at five a week ago tomorrow.
- 24:03Speaker 1: That's Wednesday, the twenty seventh, said Parker. And this is
- 24:08Speaker 1: the evening views of Wednesday the twenty seventh, said Whimsy,
- 24:14Speaker 1: late final edition. Now that edition isn't on the streets
- 24:18Speaker 1: till about six o'clock, so unless somebody brought it down
- 24:22Speaker 1: and had supper here, it was probably brought by the
- 24:26Speaker 1: girl herself or her companion. It's hardly likely anyone would
- 24:30Speaker 1: come and picnic here afterwards, not with the body there.
- 24:35Speaker 1: Not that bodies need necessarily interfere with one's enjoyment of
- 24:39Speaker 1: one's food. A lager come a laguerre. But for the
- 24:43Speaker 1: moment there isn't a war on that's true, sir. But
- 24:49Speaker 1: you're assuming the death took place on the Wednesday or Thursday.
- 24:55Speaker 1: She may have been somewhere else, living with someone in
- 24:59Speaker 1: town or anywhere. Crushed again, said Whimsy. Still, it's a
- 25:05Speaker 1: curious coincidence. It is, my lord, and I'm very glad
- 25:11Speaker 1: you've found the things. Will you take charge of em,
- 25:15Speaker 1: mister Parker, or shall I better take them along and
- 25:20Speaker 1: put them with the other things, said Parker, extending his
- 25:23Speaker 1: hand to take them from Whimsey, whom they seemed to
- 25:27Speaker 1: interest quite disproportionately. I fancy his lordship's right, and that
- 25:33Speaker 1: the parcel came here along with the girl, and that
- 25:36Speaker 1: certainly looks as if she didn't come alone. Possibly that
- 25:40Speaker 1: young man of hers was with her. Looks like the
- 25:43Speaker 1: old old story. Take care of that bottle, old man,
- 25:47Speaker 1: It may have finger prints on it. You can have
- 25:50Speaker 1: the bottle, said Whimsey. May we ne'er lack a friend
- 25:54Speaker 1: or a bottle to give him, As Dick Swiveler says,
- 25:58Speaker 1: but I earnestly beg that before you cautioned your respectable
- 26:03Speaker 1: young railway clerk that anything he says may be taken
- 26:07Speaker 1: down and used against him. You will cast your eye
- 26:10Speaker 1: and your nose upon this ham sandwich. What's wrong with it?
- 26:16Speaker 1: Inquired Parker. Nothing. It appears to be in astonishingly good preservation,
- 26:22Speaker 1: thanks to this admirable oak tree, the stalwart oak for
- 26:27Speaker 1: so many centuries Britain's bulwark against the invader heart of oak.
- 26:32Speaker 1: Are our ships not hearts? By the way, as it
- 26:36Speaker 1: is usually misquoted, but I am puzzled by the incongruity
- 26:41Speaker 1: between the sandwich and the rest of the outfit. It's
- 26:46Speaker 1: an ordinary ham sandwich, isn't it? Oh? Gods of the
- 26:51Speaker 1: wine clask and the board? How long? How long? It
- 26:55Speaker 1: is a ham sandwich? God? But not an ordinary one.
- 27:00Speaker 1: Never did it see lion's kitchen, or the counter of
- 27:04Speaker 1: the multiple store, or the delicatessen shop in the back street.
- 27:09Speaker 1: The pig that was sacrificed to make this dainty tidbit
- 27:13Speaker 1: fatten in no dull style, never knew the daily ration
- 27:17Speaker 1: of pig wash, or the not unmixed rapture of the
- 27:20Speaker 1: domestic garbage pail. Observe the hard texture, the deep brownish
- 27:26Speaker 1: tint of the lean, the rich fat yellow as a
- 27:30Speaker 1: chinaman's cheek, the dark spot where the black treacle cure
- 27:34Speaker 1: has soaked in to make a dish fit to lore
- 27:36Speaker 1: zeus from Olympus, and tell me man of no discrimination
- 27:41Speaker 1: and worthy to be fed on boiled cod all the
- 27:44Speaker 1: year round. Tell me how it comes that your little
- 27:48Speaker 1: waitress and her railway clerk come down to Epping Forest
- 27:53Speaker 1: to regale themselves on sandwiches made from coal black treacle
- 27:59Speaker 1: cured brain. Maydenham Ham, which long ago ran as a
- 28:03Speaker 1: young wild boar about the woodlands till death translated it
- 28:08Speaker 1: into an incorruptible and more glorious body. I may add
- 28:13Speaker 1: that it costs about three shillings a pound uncooked, an
- 28:17Speaker 1: argument which you will allow to be weighty. That's odd, certainly,
- 28:23Speaker 1: said Parker. I imagine that only rich people. Only rich people,
- 28:29Speaker 1: or people who understand eating as a fine art, said Whimsey.
- 28:33Speaker 1: The two classes are by no means identical, though they
- 28:37Speaker 1: occasionally overlap. It may be very important, said Parker, wrapping
- 28:43Speaker 1: the exhibits up carefully. We'd better go along now and
- 28:47Speaker 1: see the body. The examination was not a very pleasant matter,
- 28:53Speaker 1: for the weather had been damp and warm, and there
- 28:56Speaker 1: had certainly been weasels. In fact, after a brief glance,
- 29:01Speaker 1: Whimsy left the two policemen to carry on alone and
- 29:05Speaker 1: devoted his attention to the dead girl's handbag. He glanced
- 29:10Speaker 1: through the letter from Evelyn go to bed now, Evelyn Cropper,
- 29:14Speaker 1: and noted down the Canadian address. He turned the cutting
- 29:18Speaker 1: of his own advertisement out of an inner compartment, and
- 29:22Speaker 1: remained for some time in consideration of the five pound note,
- 29:28Speaker 1: which lay folded up side by side with a ten
- 29:32Speaker 1: shilling treasury note, seven shillings eightpence in silver and copper,
- 29:37Speaker 1: a latch key, and a powder compact. You're having this note,
- 29:43Speaker 1: traced Walmsley. I suppose, oh yes, my lord, certainly. And
- 29:50Speaker 1: the latch key I imagine belongs to the girl's lodgings,
- 29:54Speaker 1: no doubt it does. We have asked her landlady to
- 29:59Speaker 1: come and I identify the body. Not that there's any
- 30:03Speaker 1: doubt about it, but just as a matter of routine,
- 30:07Speaker 1: she may give us some help. Ah, the superintendent peered
- 30:13Speaker 1: out of the mortuary door. I think this must be
- 30:17Speaker 1: the lady. The stout and motherly woman who emerged from
- 30:22Speaker 1: a taxi in charge of a youthful policeman, identified the
- 30:26Speaker 1: body without difficulty, and, amid many sobs as that of
- 30:32Speaker 1: Bertha go to bed, such a nice young lady, she mourned.
- 30:37Speaker 1: What a terrible thing, Oh dear, who would go to
- 30:41Speaker 1: do a thing like that. I've been in such a
- 30:43Speaker 1: state of worriment ever since she didn't come home last Wednesday.
- 30:48Speaker 1: I'm sure many the time I've said to myself, I
- 30:50Speaker 1: wished i'd add my tongue cut out before I ever
- 30:54Speaker 1: showed her that wicked advertisement. I see you've got it there, sir.
- 30:59Speaker 1: A dreadful thing it is that people should be luring
- 31:02Speaker 1: young girls away with stories about something to their advantage.
- 31:06Speaker 1: A sinful old devil calling himself a lawyer too. When
- 31:10Speaker 1: she didn't come back and didn't come back. I wrote
- 31:14Speaker 1: to the wretch, telling him I was on his track
- 31:17Speaker 1: and was coming round to have the law on him.
- 31:19Speaker 1: As sure as my name's Dorcas Gulliver, he wouldn't have
- 31:23Speaker 1: got round me, not that I'd be the bird he
- 31:26Speaker 1: was looking for, being sixty one come Midsummer day, and
- 31:30Speaker 1: so I told him. Lord Peter's gravity was somewhat upset
- 31:35Speaker 1: by this diatribe against the highly respectable mister Merbles of
- 31:39Speaker 1: staple Inn, whose own version of Missus Gulliver's communication had
- 31:44Speaker 1: been decently expurgated. How shocked the old boy must have been,
- 31:51Speaker 1: he murmured to Parker, I'm for it next time I
- 31:55Speaker 1: see him. Missus Gulliver's voice moaned, on and on such
- 32:01Speaker 1: respectable girls, both of em, and miss Evelin married to
- 32:04Speaker 1: that nice young man from Canada. Dearie me, it will
- 32:08Speaker 1: be a terrible upset for her. And there's poor John
- 32:11Speaker 1: Ironside's was to have married Miss Bertha, the poor lamb.
- 32:15Speaker 1: This very Whitsuntide as ever, is a very steady, respectable man,
- 32:21Speaker 1: a clerk on the Southern, which he always used to say,
- 32:24Speaker 1: joking like slow but safe, like the Southern. That's me
- 32:29Speaker 1: missus g who'd have believed it? It's not as if
- 32:33Speaker 1: she was one of the flighty sort. I gave her
- 32:36Speaker 1: a latch key, gladly, for she'd sometimes be on late duty,
- 32:40Speaker 1: but never any staying out after her time. That's why
- 32:43Speaker 1: it worried me so her not coming back. There's many nowadays,
- 32:47Speaker 1: as would wash one's hands and glad to be rid
- 32:50Speaker 1: of them, knowing what they might be up to. No,
- 32:53Speaker 1: when the time passed and she didn't come back, I said,
- 32:56Speaker 1: mark my words, I said, she's been kidnapped, said by
- 33:00Speaker 1: that merbles. Had she been long with you, missus Gulliver
- 33:06Speaker 1: asked Parker, not above a fifteen month or so. She hadn't,
- 33:10Speaker 1: But bless you, I don't have to know young lady
- 33:13Speaker 1: fifteen days to know if she's a good girl or not.
- 33:16Speaker 1: You gets to know by the look of em, almost
- 33:19Speaker 1: when you've had my experience. Did she and her sister
- 33:23Speaker 1: come to you together? They did? They come to me
- 33:27Speaker 1: when they was looking for work in London, and they
- 33:30Speaker 1: could have fallen in a deal worse hands. I can
- 33:32Speaker 1: tell you two young things from the country, and them
- 33:35Speaker 1: that fresh and pretty looking. They were uncommonly lucky. I'm
- 33:40Speaker 1: sure Missus Gulliver, said Lord Peter, And they must have
- 33:43Speaker 1: found it a great comfort to be able to confide
- 33:46Speaker 1: in you and get your good advice. Well I think
- 33:50Speaker 1: they did, said Missus Gulliver, not that young people nowadays
- 33:55Speaker 1: seems to want much guidance from them as is older.
- 33:58Speaker 1: Train up a child and away she'd go, as the
- 34:01Speaker 1: good book says. But miss Evelyn, now that's missus Cropper.
- 34:06Speaker 1: She'd had this London idea put into her head, and
- 34:09Speaker 1: up they comes with the idea of being made ladies,
- 34:12Speaker 1: of having only been in service before. Though, what's the
- 34:16Speaker 1: difference between serving in one of them tea shops at
- 34:19Speaker 1: the beck of all the nasty tag rag and bob
- 34:22Speaker 1: tail and serving in ladies home. I don't see, except
- 34:26Speaker 1: that you worked harder and don't get your meals so comfortable. Still,
- 34:30Speaker 1: Miss Evelyn, she was always the go ahead one of
- 34:33Speaker 1: the two, and she did very well for herself, I
- 34:36Speaker 1: will say, mate. And mister Cropper as used to take
- 34:39Speaker 1: his breakfast regular at the corner house every morning and
- 34:43Speaker 1: took a liking to the girl in the most honorable way.
- 34:47Speaker 1: That was very fortunate. Have you any idea what gave
- 34:51Speaker 1: them the notion of coming to town. Well, now, sir,
- 34:54Speaker 1: it's funny you should ask that, because it was a
- 34:57Speaker 1: thing I never could quite understand. Stand the lady as
- 35:01Speaker 1: they used to be in service with down in the country.
- 35:04Speaker 1: She put it into miss Evelyn's head. Now, sir, wouldn't
- 35:08Speaker 1: you think that with good service that are to come by,
- 35:12Speaker 1: she'd have done all she could to keep them with her.
- 35:15Speaker 1: But no, there was a bit of trouble one day,
- 35:18Speaker 1: it seems over Bertha, this poor girl here, poor lamb,
- 35:23Speaker 1: it do break on's art to see her like that,
- 35:26Speaker 1: don't it, sir? Over Bertha Levin broke an old teapot,
- 35:30Speaker 1: a very valuable one by all accounts, And the lady
- 35:33Speaker 1: told her she couldn't put up where her raven or
- 35:36Speaker 1: things broke no more, So, she says. You'll have to go,
- 35:39Speaker 1: she says. But she says, I'll give you a very
- 35:43Speaker 1: good character, and you'll soon get a good place, and
- 35:46Speaker 1: I expect Evelyn'll want to go with you, she says.
- 35:50Speaker 1: So I'll have to find some one else to do
- 35:52Speaker 1: for me, she says. But she says, why not go
- 35:55Speaker 1: to London. You'll do better there and have a much
- 35:58Speaker 1: more interesting life than what she would at home, she says,
- 36:02Speaker 1: And the end of it was she filled them up
- 36:05Speaker 1: with so many stories of how fine a place London
- 36:08Speaker 1: was and how grand situations was to be had for
- 36:11Speaker 1: the asking that they was mad to go, and she'd
- 36:15Speaker 1: give them a present of money and behaved very handsome.
- 36:17Speaker 1: Take it all round, hum said Whimsy. She seems to
- 36:23Speaker 1: have been very particular about her teapot. Was Bertha a
- 36:27Speaker 1: great crockery breaker? Well, sir, she never broke nothing of mine,
- 36:33Speaker 1: but this miss Whittaker, that was the name. She was
- 36:37Speaker 1: one of these opinionated ladies, as we'll have their own
- 36:40Speaker 1: way in everything. A fine temper she had, or so
- 36:43Speaker 1: poor Bertha said. Though miss Evelyn her as is now
- 36:47Speaker 1: missus Cropper. She always had an idea, as there was
- 36:51Speaker 1: something at the back of it. Miss Evelyn was always
- 36:54Speaker 1: the sharp one, as you might say. But's there, sir.
- 36:57Speaker 1: We all as our peculiarities, don't we. It's my own
- 37:01Speaker 1: belief as the lady had somebody of her own choice,
- 37:04Speaker 1: as she wanted to put in the place of Bertha.
- 37:07Speaker 1: That's this one. And Evelyn as is now missus Cropper,
- 37:11Speaker 1: you understand me. And she just trampled up an excuse
- 37:15Speaker 1: as they say, to get rid of em. Very possibly,
- 37:19Speaker 1: said Whimsy. I suppose Inspector Evelyn go to bed now,
- 37:25Speaker 1: Missus Cropper put in Missus Gulliver with a sob. Missus Cropper,
- 37:31Speaker 1: I should say, has been communicated with Oh, yes, my lord,
- 37:36Speaker 1: we cabled her at once. Good. I wish you'd let
- 37:41Speaker 1: me know when you hear from her. We shall be
- 37:44Speaker 1: in touch with Inspector Parker. My lord of course. Of course. Well, Charles,
- 37:51Speaker 1: I'm going to leave it to you. I've got a
- 37:53Speaker 1: telegram to send, or will you come with me? Thanks? No,
- 37:58Speaker 1: said Parker to be frank, I don't like your methods
- 38:01Speaker 1: of driving, being in the force. I prefer to keep
- 38:05Speaker 1: on the windy side of the law. Windy is the
- 38:09Speaker 1: word for you, said Peter. I'll see you in town then.
- 38:15Speaker 1: End of chapter six