Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Monday Mini Classic: The Work Spouse

Transcript

Monday Mini Classic: The Work Spouse · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anna and Smantha stuff Never Told You
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: prolecture by Heart Radio. And today we have another sort
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: of Valentine's Day adjacent episode for you, which is the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: work Spouse. Yeah yeah, yeah, again, our Valentine's Day episodes
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: are all over the place.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: It's a loose interpretation.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, but it did make me. It made me remember
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: how you and I used to spend all of our
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Valentine's Day together, not necessarily purposefully, but it just kind
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: of happened that way. It's true. Yeah, yeah, And it
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: is interesting, sting when you work with someone on kind
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: of like a creative team like this where we do.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: There is a level of like I need to know
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: what's going on in your life and I need to understand,
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: and then we try to help each other.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: We invest a lot in each other.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I mean we also are good friends, yes,
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: but on top of that, our work does require sort
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: of a level of hey, what's going on? Right?
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So please enjoy this classic episode. Hey, this is
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: An and Samantha and welcome to stephone Never Told You
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: a production of iHeartRadio.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: And and you have a question for you. We haven't
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: done this in a while, but have you ever had
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: a work spouse, or would you ever say that you
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: actually had a work spouse at any point in time
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: that you called them this.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever called anyone that. I would say, Uh,
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: given the job we do and how it kind of works, Uh,
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: I've never called you that, but I would say you
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Lauren from Safer and before that, Kristen from Stuff. I
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: never told you the previous pounder nots like and it's
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: kind of like your whole day is spent somewhat involved
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: in what they're doing, and you're working together. Then I
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: would say those those three, Yeah.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, you can't have two work spouses any that's not
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: how this notorous? No, Like, this is not a thing.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Well and Lauren have to fight for my hands?
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Is that? And like according to and we're gonna talk
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: about some of the reasons why you don't want to
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: have it, this is one of those reasons jealousy within
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: the workplace because I used to make jokes about this,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: and in my job as a bartender slash brewer and
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: work in the breweries, I had a dude who he
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: and I we always paired together because we had the
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: same schedule. So I had two people that I worked
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: with specifically, and they're both dudes, and one of them
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: we were just laughing about the fact that we only
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: see each other and this is so weird whatever, and
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: he's like, oh, no, are you my work wife, Like
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: he said that way incredulously, and I was like, what no,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: And then the told joke was that he was my
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: work husband slash the dude. The other dude that I
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: uh was working with was my boyfriend, my side piece,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: is how we joked about it, just because he wasn't
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: around as much as this one. But like the one
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: who said it, the original work spouse was like married,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: happily with children and all these things, like all all
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: those things, and I never really thought of it outside
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: of we see each other at work and we talk
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: about work, end of story, Like we don't really talk
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: about personal life. We talk about our other job because
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: that was a part time job. His job was difficult,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: My job was difficult, so we would talk about that,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: but never anything else. So it wasn't ever a thing
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: outside of that. So it was very innocent to me.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: And apparently like in my other job, as when I
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: worked as a social worker, I made really good friends
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: with this one dude that I thought nothing about. But
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: according to who is now another good friend of mine
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: from that workplace, it was like you stole him from me,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: And I was like what, Just like, yeah, we used to.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: One of the things we would do is go around
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: and check up on our kids and make school visits
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: and house visits and make sure that everything was going okay.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: And he and I would partner up and do this
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: every time. Part of the reason is like he is
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: a six foot seven dude, very big, and I was like,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: you know, it's kind of nice having this when I'm
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: going to see kids who are on the juvenile list
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: and that I are all bigger than me, So like
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: this was not a bad thing, but I didn't think
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: anything about it. But I think someone had told me
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: at one point that his wife at the time was
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: not happy that I would be in the car with
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: him because we would drive together to these places and
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: he would either mention my name or something like that.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, oh no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: back and off real quick, back and off real quick.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Because in my mind, I hung out with married men,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: which is not a great sentiment, but because they were safe,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: I did not think of them as again, we've had
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: this conversation of any being available, so therefore we were fine.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: There would be no attachments, there would be no feelings
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: were good. That is my naivety of like, of course
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: he's married, why would he want to talk to me.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: This is silly. We are just friends. Like it just
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: didn't make sense or co work coworkers because we didn't
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: hang out outside of work. We didn't talk or text
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: each other outside of work. That was not a thing,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: it was all. And of course he would tell me
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: a little bit about his wife, but never his problems.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: It was more about like, oh, this are somethings that
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: we're doing. We're building a house, we're moving here, stuff
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: like that. So in my head it wasn't a big deal. Well, ye'all,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: if you can't tell what this Monday Mini is about,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: I think you've got a hint. And we are talking
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: about the work, wife works, spouses now essentially, and we're
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: going to cling to that side of the story of
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: like everything is not what it seems. I guess because
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I've gotten so many tech talks. Yes, I know, I've
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: talked about TikTok constantly for the past six years, just
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: getting have only been on it for a couple of years,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: but anyway, and in the tech talks, there's all about
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: these stories of work wives gone wrong, essentially a lot
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: of cheating, a lot of infidelity, or a lot of
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: problems happening, which I'm not surprised, but I didn't think
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: that as in like I've called people of work spouses
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: work husbands being called the work wife, and never had
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: any ill intent. I will say it that way. So
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: to see it this way, it feels dramatic, like it's
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: a soap opera. But apparently goes down, Annie goes down.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: But of course, yes I did go down this rabbit hole.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: But before we talk about it, I'm gonna talk about
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: the brief history. And this is according to the cut
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: dot com and Wikipedia, so those are the two sources
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I'm pulling from. So according to the cut dot Com.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: In a nineteen thirty three story for The New York Times,
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: the British journalist and British Liberal Party politician Philip Woodwell
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Wilson attributed the term office wife to Prime Minister William
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Ewart Gladstone, who Parl Wilson used it to describe the
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: ideal relationship between a prime minister and his secretary, And
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: by secretary, Gladstone referred not to the person in an
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: office stereotypically a woman who answers phones and completes other
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: administrative tasks, but a person stereotypically a man who serves
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: as an advisor, ghostwriter, schmoozer beneath a prominent politician, and
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: by osmosis, absorbs some of his political power. According to Gladstone,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: the relationship between politician and secretary should mirror that of
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: husband and wife, except that both should be men. But still,
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: I guess office wife would be derogatory because he has
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: less power the office wife, but still wants to be
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: a man, right well, it goes on to say. The
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: terms modern connotations are most often attributed to the journalist
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: David Owen, who wrote a story called work marriage for
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: the Atlantic in nineteen eighty seven. Like Gladstone's before him,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Owen's definition of work marriage is allegedly platonic, but unlike Gladstone,
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: as far as I can tell anyway, According to the writer, Owen,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I bplicitly explains that the peal of a work wife
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: lies in her being very much like your quote home wife,
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: except she doesn't nag you. Your work wife would never
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: ask you why you don't just put your dishes right
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: into the dishwasher instead of leaving them in the sink.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: She doesn't know you do it, he writes. Also, she
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: would never wedge your car between two others in the
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: parking lot at Bradley's, sign you up to be the
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: pie auction here at a church bazaar, or grab hold
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: of your stomach and ask what's this blubber Dan. She
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: knows you only as you appear between nine and five,
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: recently bathed, fully dressed, largely awake, and in control of
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: your life. In other words, your work wife finds you
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: sexy long after the woman you married does, so you
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: can already kind of tell the problem here. So from
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: the Wikipedia page, it says work spouses is a phrase,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: mostly in American English, referring to a co worker with
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: whom one shares a special relationship, having bonds similar to
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: those of a marriage. Early references suggest that a work
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: spouse may not just be a coworker, but can also
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: be someone in a similar field who the individual works
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: closely with from a partnering company. A work spouse has
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: been defined as a special platonic friendship with a work
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: colleague characterized by a close emotional bond, high levels of
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: disclosure and support, and mutual trust, honesty, loyalty, and respect.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: So again, all of these are supposed to be platonic friendships,
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: and yes, as you can tell, these are more of
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: the heteronormative ideas. In fact, the Cut article also notes
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: that it does bring a layer of hetero sexist ideas.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Owen's work marriage and its larger cultural adaptation is also
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: exclusively exhaustingly heterosexist, close but platonic relationships that can exist
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: between coworkers of the opposite sex. The woman coworker is
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: a wife because that's the only way her male superior
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: can conceive of her presence in his place of work,
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: no matter her title, Her primary role is to support him,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: and she has little to no power in her own right.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: So obviously this kind of goes hand in hand in
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: that conversation we had about weaponized incompetence, especially with sexism
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: in the workplace. But again that's not necessarily the focus here,
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: which we should come back to, because that's a whole
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: different conversation that we need to have and why that's
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: not as qusy as many of us think, but like
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: this conversation in itself about what it is and who
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: it's belonging to and who get is the title, And yeah,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: it does seem that it's mainly about the work wise
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: being a support and that whole Owen's connentation of her
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: seeing him as sexy right after the many years of
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: the marriage with his wife, even after that, which makes
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: me could like, who is this dude? He can't know
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: if he was married, He wasn't married for long, right,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: there's no way he wrote a whole damn article. Come on, yeah,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: like at this point the wife was he never was
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: married or he just recently got divorced, was on the
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: cuspod of divorce, Like there's no way.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, well, I mean so much of this sounds
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: like what you hear when you hear about cheating anyway, right,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: is that you know? The usually in what we hear,
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: the woman in very aheadin arm of contacts who the
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: man and it's cheating with. She is seeing the side
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: of him that is not the side that the wife
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: is getting, right.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: The disaster of him not being a husband.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Supportive like wanting someone to essentially just be like, Wow,
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: you're amazing.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: You're so smart. I love your ideas. Oh yeah, and
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: you know it's it's that question is this title problematic
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: in the first place? And should partners and spouses be
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: worried or jealous? And what does that look like? So
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: there are studies that show that having good relationships and
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: the workplace can be healthy, even for your personal relationship.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: So in a article written by FastCompany dot com, which
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: we've talked about when it comes to corporate stuff, interestingly,
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: when you have a strong relationship with colleagues, it tends
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: to spill over into your life with your real spouse.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: An intriguing study published and applied Psychology found when you
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: have a great relationship with a friend at work, you'll
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: be more likely to build a strong, positive relationship with
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: your husband, wife, or partner. So that was interesting to me.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I was like, really, okay, I mean I think like,
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: as long as you're open, I know, for the most part, yes, Annie,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I would call you my work spouse as well, because
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: you're the only person pretty much talk to in our workspace.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: But in that we also talk about the fact that
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: you're pretty much in a relationship with myself and my
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: partner because you fulfill needs for both of us that
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: aren't given by the other. So like you give the
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: gaming nerdy conversations that he is dying for all day.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: So when y'all talk about the last of us, when
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: you talk about games, when you talk about D and
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: D and I just sit at there, sit and stare
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: at you with blank faces like I don't know what's happening,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: but congratulations. I don't mind that at all. I love
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: that he for you, like he will fulfill the world.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Like I don't know what's going on in Star Wars,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: but he loves it it, wants to go with you
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: to these things. And I love that y'all have fun.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Like I literally tried to send him away with you
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: to do the Haunted House. His schedule wouldn't allow it,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: well because I didn't want to do it, but I
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: didn't want you to be by yourself. But I ended
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: up doing it. But like that was one of my plans.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: But also with that, like you and I are very
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: close and we are very like personal. You come over often,
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: well not as much anymore, but you did come over often,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: and we would have Sunday Sunday Sundays and we would
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: have personal conversations about what's going on. I know about
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: your family, you know about my family, all these things,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: so like that's definitely an open book, as well as
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: the fact that my partner knows about everything pretty much
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: we talk about like there's nothing that's really that secretive
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: and unless it's like a surprise gift or something. And
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: that's kind of how I think it's a great relationship
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: because it's open for all of us. Like I don't
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: hide anything I talked to you about him or you
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: know all that. Of course, I don't tell you everything
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: about me and my partner talked about necessarily because that's
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: a different relationship on that level. But like that's the
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: same way with his coworkers. He will come and tell
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: me most of the things that there's nothing really to
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: like hide, even with the few people that he talks
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: to constantly because they have to be online with each
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: other to help each other work from home. But there
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: are those things that I'm like, Okay, this seems healthy
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: to me, and I think it brings up better conversations.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: The part of that is, like my partner tells me
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: a lot about work, and that's a great conversation. That's
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: kind of that common ground that I know nothing about
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: but I can be supportive, right, So that's different, Like
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I can see that as a thing. And again, Fast
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: Company does make the point that the majority of people,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: or majority of the friends that people make is through work.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: It's kind of that proximity and all that. That's all
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: you've got a lot of the times. Unless you are
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: doing creating new adult hobbies, which is awesome, and are
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: actually active in getting out there, most likely the only
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: places that you're able to make friends is through work.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I think with the closest first, I bring
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: out like two or three friends per workplace I've discovered.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, which is pretty good. I feel like I would
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: say probably two thirds of my friends I made through
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: work that I am in constant like contact, right, Right,
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: It's true. I mean, if you're spending your time with them,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: you have common shared experiences because you have things you
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: can complain about together.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Right, it makes sense. You're right, we complain a lot too.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: But again, this proximity thing can be dangerous, especially when
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: it's crossing boundaries. According to a Newsweek article, many people
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: don't think this type of relationship is appropriate, so they say.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: According to a poll conducted by red Field and with
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: Wilton Strategies for Newsweek of US adults, that is okay
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: to have a work spouse, but forty five percent said
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: it wasn't appropriate, and the study goes on saying that
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: it could be a generational thing. Feelings about work spouses
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: are sharply divided along generational lines. Members of Gen Z
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: and Baby Boomers, which to me this is a huge gap,
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: are most likely to approve of work spouse relationships. The
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: middle cohorts, millennials, and Generation X are more likely to disapprove,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: which I found is interesting because technically, again I would
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: be Gen X slash millennials. I'm an ex millennial is
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: never that is, I don't have a problem with it necessarily,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: This again has an underlying issue not necessarily do you
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: trust but are they trustworthy? But the fact that like
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Gen Z and Baby Boomers was surprising to me. I
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: feel like those are two different reasons to why.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my dy jerk answer would be, I don't know,
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: maybe I'm totally wrong, but I feel like a lot
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: of this feels so like Boomer generation right, which is,
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: you know, women coming into the workplace, she's still going
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: to be some ordinate to me, but she's in here
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: and then the woman at home, because that was the
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: situation at the time. Most of the time, the wife
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: may be wondering why he's.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Still not home.
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: I can't share that part of her life with him.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: I remember once this is such a weird story and
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: I still don't know what to make of it. But
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: one time my dad came home late and I kissed him.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: I was like eight, I was young. I kissed him
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: on the cheek and I had I was like wearing
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: lipstick and it made like a you know, a little
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: kind of lipstick on his cheek. And he was like, oh, great,
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Now your mom's gonna be mad. She's gonna think I'm
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: having an affair. And you know, as a kid, I
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: was like, what what Yeah, so I would think it
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: was it would be much more they would think.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: That, But right, I know, I agree. I find that odd.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I find this like a lot of other than who
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: did they ask just a bunch of men who was
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: like hell yeah, yeah, boomers who were like yeah, absolutely,
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Like I just think of like a Madman generation of
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: which is like I feel like that was the not
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: the startup, but the beginning of the stereotype of like
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: the secretary of fair thing.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean it is a big trope, and
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: that is true. It is a big trope.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: So I just wonder if I were like the men
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: of that generation was like, yeah, we loved having work wives.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: You know, what does that mean? What does that mean?
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Or maybe it's just like back into that conversation of
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: like having someone who is your subordinate do all your
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: work for you and you get to take credit. It's
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: usually a woman like it isn't that due, which is
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: also part of mad Men. Right. So again, according to
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Lovepanky dot com, I didn't make you say that you're welcome.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: There are some pros and cons to having work spouses,
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: and I feel like that was on everything and there's
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: even like how to like being like you know, they
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: were great. But some of the pros would be companionship
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: at work. Obviously it's nice to have a friend there
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: so it's not an awful day at work being able
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: to collaborate with someone, and then it boosts your confidence
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: when you have someone backing you, like I definitely have
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: really great friends who like we both would come through
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: and have conversations about ideas and especially if you need
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: validation of like am I crazy for thinking this was
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: like off or this way, and they're like no, no, no,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: this is this, so having that, But then of course
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: there's the cons There's jealousy from other coworkers, which I
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: dealt with and some that I was like wow, and
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: then we would just joke like I'm I'm just nicer
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: with than you. Just kidding, but no, like having people
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: being jealous of other people's bonds, competition from co workers,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: and trying to be closer to different people. Maybe it's
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: closer to the boss who knows, and it can cause
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: problems with your actual spouse, which again that's that big
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: question of like who who is being hurt here? Again,
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: there are things that I've seen on TikTok are far
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: more dramatic and life changing than what we were talking
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: about here, especially with the connotations of the conversation, like
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: kind of joking to me, it's such a joke term
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: that didn't really think about what that implies. But yeah,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: probably not the best to go home to someone and
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: be like, yeah, my work wife and just keep referencing
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: them as a work wife, and then if they're too
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: into the joke, I feel like that's a big red flag,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: like they need to stop there's something odd going on.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: There's all these warning signs of them, people being too
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: close to their works, bosses, workwives, where husbands, like the
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: fact that if they never want you to meet them,
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: that's a huge red flag. And I would think that too. Yeah,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: of course we know when it comes to cheating, there's
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: so many other things that contribute to cheating. And then
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: there's a whole underlying factor, not that that it's not
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: people's faults. It is, but like we know, oftentimes with
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: the trust issues, commitment issues, we don't know how far
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: or what's happening in a marriage or a relationship that
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: could be the catalyst, but this could be the final
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: nail on the coffin or the beginning. And me again, personally,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: it's discussing unnecessary to cheat, especially if you're in a
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: committed relationship with open conversations of being committed. Of course, again,
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: if you're a polyamorous and if you have other open
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: if you have open marriages and such, coco cool. But
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: for those who are doing these and lying and hurting people,
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: of course it's gross. Uh Yeah. And for some just
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: the level of closeness borders on cheating. Uh. And there's
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: a lot of that conversation. I mean, you would say
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: that this is emotional cheating, especially if all you do
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: is confide into that work spouse about the problems that
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: you're of your marriage or your relationship. That's a reflag.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: If you're doing that, that is emotional cheating. If you're
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: investing in them to get all of your like confidence
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: and all of your like, there's something wrong with that too.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: And then there's this level of conversation that you have
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: again and the personal information that it's being shared. Again,
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: there's a few things that I understand, Like for sure,
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: if I'm upset or something and we have this conversation,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: and I guess it really is like, especially if it's
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: the opposite sex, with you being heterosexual, that's a whole problem.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: If you're not and you're having this conversation with someone
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: that you're a little too attracted to, also like a
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: big problem too, especially again if it's not agreed upon
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: to be open or to be polly or whatever whatnot.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: That's the whole level of like h red flag. So
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: definitely some ideals, and then like a lot of conversations
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: and a lot of articles came to like maybe we
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: should just retire that phrase all together, and I'm like, yeah,
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: maybe it's not a bad idea.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think it served. It serves a purpose.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: It served a purpose of the person you like, work
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: really closely with. But maybe there's a better, uh way
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: to say it, also say, because I wasn't entirely sure
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: what the meaning actually meant. I was in a situation
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: once with the guy he's actually gay, but we were
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: very very close and we worked together. But everyone everyone
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, you're in love. They would always tell
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: me that, oh you're in love, or oh you were
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: trying to get ahead, or you were trying to So
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: I also think there's like that situation is the whole
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: thing I could go into. But I also think there
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: is a layer of whenever women are hanging around men
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: that maybe have more power than them, it's seen as, oh,
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I know what you're trying to do, right right?
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: Well, then yeah, again, everybody has as you're talking about
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: the rumor mill in general, it doesn't matter if they
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: see that. I was told co repeatedly, everybody's like, y'all
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: are sleeping together, you know, like, what what are you
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: talking about? And being very shocked, And yeah, I actually
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: had a similar incident where my coworker was gay. He
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: didn't come out at work, came out to a few
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: of us, and of course so it wasn't our business
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: to out them. And so people would be like, y'all
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: are gonna y'all shouldhould date, y'all should do these things,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: and I'd just be like, I'm not his type, like
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: or he's not my type. Like that's just that's just
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: the end of the conference, right, it wouldn't go well,
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: but like, but the level of like gossip, which could
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: be a problem in itself, and that could start some
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: trouble obviously with your relationships as well, no matter what. Yeah,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: it's the whole thing. But seeing I don't know if
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: we're coming at the end of this term and it's
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: like downfall. Although again, terms have nothing, no really no
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: real power. Honestly when it comes to when people do
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: bad things in general. We know this, but like there
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: there is something to be like, yeah, maybe that's just
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: that rhetoric needs to go.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, listeners, let us know what you should it
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: say or should it go. You can email us at
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: Stuffmedia Momstuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: on Twitter at mamstup podcast or on Instagram and TikTok
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: at stuff I Never told you. We have a tea
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: public store, and we have a book you can get
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to our
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: super producer Christina or executive producer Maya and your contributor Joey.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: told you the production of iHeart Radio. For more podcast
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: from my Heart Radio, you can check out the heart
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Radio app, Apple podcast or where you listen to your
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: favorite shows