Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Sarah Jakes Roberts - Best-Selling Author & Speaker | Stop Settling For “Safe”

Transcript

Sarah Jakes Roberts - Best-Selling Author & Speaker | Stop Settling For “Safe” · Success Story with Scott Clary

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  Success is always moving and success is obedience definition of success thinking that once I
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  achieved it then I would be powerful. When our ideas have to exist in the larger context of the
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  world we figure out how much we don't know ignorance is not this qualification it's just an
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  opportunity for you to learn. A lot of times fear just becomes normalized I lived according to
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  the truth of my values because if we learn each step of the way then the goal is not sustainability
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  it's just another lesson. Success is how many lessons we can pile one to this journey that
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  make us better for the next step. Pursuing success without a love of self will always be very
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  dangerous before you attempt to scale yourself that you've got to find a way to really love yourself.
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  Welcome to Success Story. I'm your host Scott Clary. The Success Story podcast is part of the
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  HubSpot Podcast Network. Very exciting news. HubSpots inbound converts is back which means you got to
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  clear your schedules. Mark your calendars, get the sitter, three jam pack days from September 18th
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  through the 20th live and boss and you're going to hear inspirational narratives,
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  candid interviews on the highs and lows of incredibly notable figures, business owners,
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  politicians, you're going to learn from successful entrepreneurs like Ryan Reynolds and Serena Williams
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  on how they reinvented themselves and their businesses to achieve massive success. They're going to gain
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  valuable insights from industry leaders, visionaries on effective strategies for personal and professional
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  growth and there's so much more and on top of all that I'm speaking again this is my third
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  inbound so I'll be doing a segment. So if you want to hear from Ryan Reynolds, Serena Williams or
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  you want to hear from me go to inbound.com, go see the lineup and grab your ticket today. I'll see
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  you in Boston. Serena, I'm super excited for this. It's going to be a lot of fun. There are two
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  ideas that you talk about. We're going to jump right into it and I love these two ideas and I want
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  to get a little bit more context about what these ideas are. So there's two ideas incubating hope
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  and that success is obedience and I love these so can you go just a little bit deeper and then we're
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  going to talk about everything about owning your power about sort of the journey that you've gone
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  through but these two ideas just to kick it off. Okay well I mean that could take up the whole
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  episode. I know it could. But incubating hope I think that in a world where we have to be
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  realistic about the different obstacles connected with us pursuing whatever our goal is
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  that it can be very challenging to not be discouraged before we even begin because we just
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  recognize that the road ahead of us can be very challenging when we choose first to incubate hope
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  connected with our idea what we're saying to ourselves is I'm not expecting for it to be easy
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  and I'm not expecting that it's just going to come without me having to break a split or maybe
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  question myself but what I am saying is that not only am I hopeful about this idea I'm hopeful
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  about what this idea will translate into for the world and I think we have to spend just as much
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  time fine tuning our plans our strategies and our ideas as we do the hope connected to it I don't
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  know if you know people like I do where they start off the idea and then they get a few
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  knows and now they don't believe in it anymore and they've given up one at all together I think a
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  lot of that has to do with the reality that we didn't incubate an hope to really make sure that
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  the idea withstands some of the struggles that are just guaranteed to come when we're launching
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  something into the world which I think is a beautiful segue into success being about obedience
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  if you are in an industry or a field where you are often engaged by your metrics or your outcomes
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  we can postpone success we can say it'll be successful when it reaches this specific marker and then
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  what we learn is that you get to that marker and then they're like you know what would have really
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  been successful if it would have done it on the first week or if it would have done it before
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  you got there and success is always moving and so I like to measure the reality that I do have goals
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  that I want to hit with the knowing that I have that me even being in this position me even
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  having the courage to start it the courage to step into it is obedience and success is obedience
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  that I didn't discredit myself that I didn't talk myself out of pricing go in pricing play the
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  fact that I even moved in the direction of where I thought I was being called or where I felt
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  my gift or talent could take me was success within itself it's a success that a lot of people don't
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  get to experience because they are so afraid to move into the direction of what they feel will
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  bring them fulfillment and so I try to balance the reality that I'm already living further than I
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  could have ever imagined with also the knowledge that I want to go further I love that you're
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  touching on things that are so important to me because you work with tons of people I work a lot
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  with entrepreneurs and I don't know if you see this I'm sure you do we're in this culture of
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  we're figuring out which thought leader to listen to and which tactic to apply but building a
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  business and building anything worth building is so much more than just repeat application tactics
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  because our mind gives out so much earlier than when we actually think we've made it and I feel
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  like this is the biggest piece it's missing in what we see online about what quote-unquote success
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  and entrepreneurship is it is the ability to fall back on your wins and understand when you
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  won and sort of internalize that and allow the profile you forward but also understanding that
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  success is a journey not a finish line you know so we're going to talk about a lot of stuff but
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  let's just briefly touch on the fact that the book you just wrote power moves
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  I want to understand out of all the different topics because I've listened now at this point
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  before we do this show I listen to all the podcasts you've been on I watch a whole bunch of the
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  stuff you put out so you talk on a lot of different self-development self-help mindset even
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  tactical topics that sort of takes people from where they are to where they want to go so I always
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  love this when you put out a book there's a reason why you put out this particular book on this
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  particular topic that of all the different topics why was power moves so important to you what's
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  the concept the concept of power moves came to me really as I began to see in my life
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  moving to this trajectory of partnership with other people and as I was partnering with other
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  people whether it was my publisher to write a book or a logistics team for my tours everyone had
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  their own definition of what success was one to look like and I started pursuing their
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  definition of success thinking that once I achieved it then then I would be powerful then I would
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  come home and I'd have nothing left to give my family and I thought well this doesn't feel
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  powerful and I achieved their success but now I feel empty on the inside and I really felt like
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  through my own discovery my own journey and prayer meditations that there was this real need
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  for individuals to be able to define what power looks like for themselves before it is
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  hijacked by other people's expectations and other people's definitions and in going on this
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  journey of trying to define what power looks like for myself I learned that power was fluid
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  that what I thought made me powerful as an author was different than what makes me powerful as a
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  mother and what makes me powerful as a mother different than what makes me powerful as a partner
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  and it started I started realizing that I saw power as a destination the same way people see
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  success not recognizing that power really is a flow and our ability to say you know what what
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  made me powerful here is changing as I'm growing as I've got more experience I no longer feel like
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  power has this same definition and so I wanted to write a book that helped me embrace the fluidity
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  of what power looks like for me as a person who wears many hats but also was a roadmap for other
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  people to define what power looks like for them as they balanced the many hats that they wear
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  and so I have felt a real sense of liberation and embracing the fluidity of power
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  even when that means that power for me is rest today tomorrow it might be writing a book
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  the day after that it may be going on tour to see each of those things as necessary
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  components of power has allowed me a freedom that I think I was being restricted from when I
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  thought it was just one specific expression so I think what you're experiencing is super
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  common super normal too um why do people sort of latch on to someone else's definition of power
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  like when we go into something we feel like we got it all figured out but then I mean I'm just
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  speaking of personal experience I always get rattled and then all of a sudden I have a peer
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  a spouse a mentor and then I feel myself almost like trying to validate myself and trying to
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  validate what I'm doing the second it doesn't work out 100% with all these external factors
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  like what happens what's happening there why do we always fall into this rut because you're
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  super powerful you speak on stage or front of thousands of people if it can happen to you
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  because someone's listening they're like shit well like she she kills it and she still fell into
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  this trap so how do I avoid it well I mean I think we want to do well and our ideas are really
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  good ideas when they are only within ourselves and maybe the few friendships or relationships
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  that we value when our ideas have to exist in the larger context of the world we figure out how
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  much we don't know and when you start to figure out how much you don't know it can begin to make
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  you feel inadequate and when you feel inadequate it is difficult to be motivated to manifest a vision
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  that you no longer feel has enough support has enough exposure to be effective in the world
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  and so we have to really go back to that incubating hole where we realize that part of the reason why
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  I don't see anyone doing this the way that I feel like it can be done is because I have this
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  unique perspective that's unique offering and the other thing is that I also need to figure out
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  what failed in the past so that I can sharpen the gift or the idea that I want to bring into the
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  world and there's a tension that exists within that there's a losing of yourself and a reclaiming
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  of yourself that must take place in order for you to get to a spot where you really are able to
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  put your roots down but I think that most people cannot underestimate how much they don't know about
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  the direction they're moving towards but also how ignorance is not this qualification it's just
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  an opportunity for you to learn you know when you look at your own journey you've mentioned before
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  that like all of our past traumas and societal expectations they don't define us but ultimately
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  a lot of that does impact us for everyone going through life day to day it's hard to just ignore it
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  and you've even said like you have allowed in your past shame to dictate most of your decisions
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  so why not try faith now this is not a religious podcast by any means and I want to I want to drop
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  parallel between your journey and someone out there is like okay great she found God she found
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  faith and that allowed her but I want you to explain that to somebody who's not religious I want
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  you to explain to somebody what faith means so that they don't misinterpret it and they don't
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  misunderstand what your message is because I think it is very important doesn't matter if you
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  believe in God or anyways but you have to believe in something bigger than yourself but how does
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  somebody who doesn't believe in God to the same degree as you apply that um that's so part of
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  the reason why I got to that space is that like I had tried everything so I don't even know that I
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  was like looking for faith as much as I was like listening we did this we did this like why not
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  try and I will say it wasn't just let me try religion like let me try to be a good Christian
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  for me it was let me tap into this belief that my life is not random that everyone has an
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  opportunity to add light and value and love into the world regardless of what they've gone through
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  it was that belief that I wanted to hang going to that no matter what I'd gone through in my past
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  that they could somehow work together and still turn out to good so I really wanted to hang going
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  to the belief of my faith not necessarily checking the boxes of religion and in trying to
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  trying to believe I mean it wasn't an attempt it wasn't something I was sure of I started asking
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  myself the type of questions like well if you believe that your life so has value if you believe
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  that no matter what you've gone through you can still add something to this world what would you
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  provide what would you offer and don't compare it to what's already out there literally look at
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  your own life your own resources what would you say and for me it really started off like I would
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  want every teen mom every girl who's ever done something that made other people frown at her to
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  know that she's still lovable that she still allowed to dream that she still has access to hope
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  regardless of how much harm she has experienced that's what I wanted to put into the world and so I
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  tried it on smaller scale scales and then it grew and it got bigger and the more that I got exposed
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  to more people the more I wanted to tell them and I think I'm constantly having to ask my question
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  myself that question if you believe that your life is not random if you believe that you have a
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  limited time to release something that could possibly make someone's life better what would you
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  want to offer and I asked myself that question whether I'm speaking in a room full of thousands
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  or I'm about to have a one-on-one zoom with someone who just DMed me randomly what can I offer in
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  this moment that can make someone's life better to me that was stepping into not just having faith
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  but being a lifeline of faith for another person so I love that and I guess that's ultimately like
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  just to summarize what like that power move is it's a lot of understanding what your your own power
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  is and and and recognizing that man and I will say recognizing the power of fear and the power
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  of shame and how it can limit us from believing that we have a good power to offer to the world
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  I think for me and at least my family my experiences my culture a lot of times fear just becomes
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  normalized and shame just becomes normalized in the way that our families have always done things
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  become so normalized that we don't see them as powerful barriers of entry that keep us from
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  living limitless lives and when we see that like the power of shame the power of fear the power of
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  my past has enough power to keep me from thinking that I've got something to offer to the world
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  then I don't accurately wage war against those things with a higher belief with a better thought
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  with actions that are in direct competition to what those thoughts would have me to believe and so
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  I do think it is believing that you have a power to offer the world and also recognizing that there
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  is a real resistance to that power being released so when because I'm sure that a lot of this
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  stuff is just like generational trauma like what you're talking about right now is just normalize
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  just the way it's always been done it's like this is how much money my family is always made that
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  takes a lot to disrupt that cycle takes a lot for you to push back so okay let's figure out a
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  playbook for somebody that doesn't matter it could be somebody whose parents made you know 50 grand
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  a year parents made 200 grand a year doesn't really matter the point is so you're trying to break
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  out of this cycle so generation generation generation kind of this is the status quo what is the
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  action item the step that you can take that starts to that flywheel that pushes you in the right
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  direction okay so I will take it even deeper because I think that we are experiencing a generational
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  shift in the ways that we engage with technology and the way that we even engage with business I
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  think that we're literally watching the world change from the way that things have always been done
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  into a new way being I look at this generation of millennials and now zers that are no longer willing
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  to work the way that some boomers did where their families were the casualties to pursuing the
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  pension or their retirement where they really are choosing I would rather live in a different type of
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  life silence to have my family and values and mental health then pursue this corner office that
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  may result in me not having the family I desire so I think we're experiencing a shift I would say
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  to that person who has never seen it done but feels within themselves that it should change even
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  if they don't believe that they're the ones that should change it to begin to think about like
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  what changes would you implement don't get bogged down by the details don't get caught in the
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  logistics it's like let's really dream what do we want to see it look like what would we want to
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  see done differently in our family what type of resources do we want to see available because
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  until we can really give that a vision then we can't really even attract the level of thinking the
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  level of creativity the level of innovation required to lay hold of that vision it's one thing to
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  want things to change it's another thing to let your mind roll free you roam free rather with
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  the innovation required to make it happen and so I would say take the limits off of your mind
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  to take the limits off of those parameters and to begin dreaming about what you want to see happen
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  and then what would it take for you to get from where you are to what you see once again don't
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  think about the money that you would need the time that you need the people that you would need
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  just really begin to lay out this plan because I think what's going to happen when you begin to
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  lay that plan out is that you will begin to see opportunities differently you will see how small
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  opportunities can lead to bigger moments you will begin to hear it echoed in other people's stories
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  and what you see as a dream will not be as unreachable because you've got a vision and you begin
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  to see it happen in other people's lives I love this you know you mentioned a really good point
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  the way we work the way we want to work what we value is changing do you see issue with that
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  do you think that maybe so two two ends of the spectrum the traditional way it's always been done
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  maybe that creates more wealth immediately I don't know it doesn't always have to if you find a
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  way to architect wealth in different ways but maybe creates more wealth it gives you more options
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  and maybe if you are able to think differently and you have a grade nine to five it allows you
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  the stability to build a business that can really take it to the next level on the other end of
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  the spectrum you have somebody who is not wanting to work in an office is wanting to travel is wanting
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  to do maybe a more like like no mad lifestyle and maybe that allows for more creativity to think
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  differently and to and to approach life differently so I'm curious when you speak to so many people
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  and people come to you for advice is the advice to pursue something that feels good and is more
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  invoked or is it to push back and to do the hard work and to sort of put in the wraps so that
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  you're you're used to the work required to take yourself to the next level like when you talk to
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  young people which way do you point them well hey you actually do I think there's something I think
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  results may vary you know at the end of yeah those prescription drug commercials they're like results
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  may vary with like the 20,000 side effects and the whole bunch of different out yeah I don't think we're
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  going to know how well this path turns out for anyone for probably 30 40 50 years when they're
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  towards the end of their lives thing what they wish they would have done done differently or what
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  they feel they've done well I think that my goal is to help people lay hold of a vision of their
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  spiritual mental emotional financial health that is a reflection of what builds authentic for
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  themselves I don't know that my goal is to point them in any specific direction as much as it is
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  to create a space where they have time to be authentic where they're no longer living under other
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  people's pressures other people's experiences so that they can determine what authenticity looks
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  like for them so that they can create a plan that allows them to define what success looks like
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  for themselves so that no matter what happens 40 50 years down the road maybe they had generational
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  has gone to another level or maybe they have generational generational health and emotional wellness
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  that happen in a way that they've never seen before that they will be able to say I lived according
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  to the truth of my values and sometimes I had to stretch and sometimes I had to disappoint some
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  people and sometimes I had to remodify those plans but I lived according to my conviction and
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  self I can get people to a space of authenticity I think that conviction can sell them what path
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  to take when you you know you mentioned that you sort of help people across financial mental spiritual
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  and even physical to a degree I'm curious if you see one of those buckets hurting people the most
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  saying 2024 like which one of those buckets is not full oh it depends a lot I mean there's
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  I am speaking to I'm merely people of color who have had disproportionate experiences
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  in professionalism in financial spaces and so I think that most of the time when I speak to them
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  they're reeling from the effects of feeling disqualified from all before they even get into them
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  but then when I speak to other spaces where maybe they aren't primarily people of color but
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  I'm marvel at what they have gone through and the buckets that they see is empty I think if there
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  is anything that I feel remedies all of it no matter which bucket is empty I think that from a place
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  emotional and spiritual wellness and fullness that we're able to better show up in those empty spaces
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  and to get them filled in ways that are healthy for ourselves which is why I think if I had to
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  choose any bucket to pour into I would love to pour into all of them but absolutely that if I
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  can get your core well that that can overflow into those other spaces there's a quote that I love
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  that sort of speaks into stepping into your power quote is it is our light not our darkness the
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  most frightens us and that's Marian Williamson and I'm curious if you know the reason why we
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  understand that there's all these things that stop us from believing in ourselves and there's all
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  these generationals and traumas and and shame and doubt
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  but say we listen to this podcast people listen to this podcast and they're gonna say yeah I
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  get it like I get it and then fast forward a year they're still not gonna do anything like you're
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  just not gonna do shit they're not gonna try and fix anything even though they know that there's a
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  problem even though they know that they're not being their best self or putting their best
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  self towards their work or their family or the world why are we so scared of succeeding
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  my hypothesis is that we are afraid of success because we are not sure if we can sustain it I think
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  that if we could do it once that would be something but it would be disappointing to hit it once
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  and never be able to do it again so it's easier to not go for it at all what if I can't sustain it
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  like what if I can start and I see this in relationships too like what if I can get the relationship
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  but then I'm not a good partner and I'm too selfish on this and I think the idea of sustaining
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  what we start keeps us from initiating it to begin with I would say to that person that with each
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  attempt we become better at sustainability that we learn what tires us out we learn how to
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  communicate better we learn what plans we need to have in place I would think less about sustaining
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  where we start and more about learning each step of the way because if we learn each step of the way
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  then the goal is not sustainability it's just another lesson and I think success is how many lessons
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  we can pile onto this journey that make us better for the next step you know there's so many so
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  you mentioned that you see this a lot with the relationships that I actually love relationships
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  and looking at relationships and unpacking relationships because I think there's actually a lot
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  of little micro tests you can do in a relationship that can translate into your career and your
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  business like I was on a podcast this morning talking to somebody about radical candor and just
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  and what was important for me in a partner and the ability to be open and communicate was so so
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  important but it's so obvious that translates into business and the building teams and whatnot so
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  when you think about giving people micro wins and maybe talking you can talk about your own
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  experience because I want you to feel comfortable talking about whatever you feel comfortable talking
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  about with your own relationship in your own house but what were things that you did maybe in your
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  own relationship that proved that you could own your power in your relationship better your
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  relationship that you could now sort of replicate out in the world and business and some of the
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  lessons you teach because I think that like listen business is not forgiving relationships are also
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  not that forgiving sometimes but I mean at least we get a shot you know like right after this I
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  can go test something out and see if I'm being a better person a better boyfriend husband partner
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  in the next five minutes where sometimes in business you can only see it over a period of time.
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  It's so funny you say that because my husband has a business philosophy where he's like I will never
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  get in partnership with someone who cheats on their wife because like if you cannot maintain your
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  promise and covenant to this person I don't say in a chance so I do think there is a lot of
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  connection between the ways that we show up in relationship I will say that my husband's probably
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  similar to you and that he really likes a radical candor like he's like just give it to me straight
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  no matter what it is just tell it to me I think within myself I process my thoughts internally
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  when I'm ready to talk about it I will share it and I think for a lot of the beginning part of our
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  marriage it made my husband kind of like constantly pull at me to try and figure out what it was
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  that I was trying or not saying I think that that really helped me in business though because he
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  forced me to stand by in us communicating he forced me to really open up about what I was feeling
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  how my perspective may have been different from his and to really stand by my perspective in a way
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  forced him to see things my way and I think that this has been helpful for me in business because
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  I've done a lot of conversing with people who had more experience and more knowledge in a certain
• 27:15
  field than I do but I know my audience and I know that my idea has mirrored in value and sometimes I
• 27:21
  don't always feel like I am communicating those ideas in a way that they can understand and in
• 27:27
  those moments it can be easy for me to abandon my idea and just go with the flow or to back down
• 27:32
  altogether but because I had this beautiful space to kind of sharpen my communication skills I've
• 27:38
  been willing to you know stay in tentos down on some ideas that I think have ultimately been very
• 27:45
  helpful once I was able to get my partner to understand the value of the audience or the idea that
• 27:51
  I was bringing to the table but I had to learn to really speak up in that way through my husband's
• 27:57
  communication preferences I just want to take a second and thank the HubSpot podcast network
• 28:02
  for sponsoring the show's success story even part of their network for the past three years now
• 28:06
  if you're a podcast fan you have to check out some of the other incredible podcasts in the
• 28:11
  HubSpot podcast network like my first million hosted by Sam Parr and Sean Perry they feature famous
• 28:16
  guests like Alex Ramozi Sophia Emma Russo Hassan Minhaj sharing their secrets on how they made
• 28:22
  their first million and how to apply their learnings to capitalize on today's business trends
• 28:26
  and opportunities listen to my first million wherever you get your podcasts I love that though because
• 28:32
  within this little in this little like microcosm example peachy dish of testing stuff out
• 28:40
  you learn how to own your power but you also understand power dynamics and maybe just help me
• 28:44
  understand or help I mean teach me but also teach the audience too when you own your power it does
• 28:52
  not mean asserting absolute power over other people that is not owning your power and I think that
• 28:59
  that is very important so I don't want somebody to listen to this and then try and own their
• 29:03
  power and turn it to an asshole and that's not good and don't send us any letters we did not
• 29:08
  anybody up and doing that yeah so okay so owning your power I think you have to start to understand
• 29:14
  if you own your power like you mentioned with your husband and when you get into business
• 29:19
  business conversations is very different than asserting dominance in every situation so
• 29:26
  step two after owning your power talk about power dynamics talk about understanding how to engage
• 29:33
  throughout you you know throughout your day throughout life throughout business okay I will give
• 29:37
  you a great example because my husband now we've moved to Dallas my father has been leading this
• 29:44
  community in organization for over 20 plus years but he's that is these and where he's
• 29:48
  considering what transition and succession look like for him and so we're blending ideas we've
• 29:53
  got two different perspectives from two different generations two different definitions of what
• 29:58
  success looks like and definitions of what power looks like and so I will tell you that I believe in
• 30:04
  the power of what I bring to the table I believe that I understand what's important to this
• 30:09
  generation I believe that I understand what detracts them from coming into Romans rooms and what
• 30:15
  attracts them when you are owning your power in a space where you are navigating power dynamics you
• 30:22
  have to understand the power that the other person brings to the table not just that they are a
• 30:28
  decision maker but maybe they have proven experience in a field that they don't even understand
• 30:34
  is changing yet because I think we see this a lot in generational shifts where they don't even
• 30:39
  realize that like people aren't doing that anymore people don't talk that way anymore people
• 30:44
  don't navigate rooms in this way anymore and so they're married to a concept that once had power
• 30:48
  that doesn't have power anymore if you are going to blend power dynamics you have to honor the
• 30:55
  power that the other person possesses and by honoring it it means that you can't come in there and
• 31:00
  just be like this is dumb this is nobody does it's all this antiquated because you have robbed
• 31:05
  yourself of an alliance you need in order to successfully transition from one way of doing things
• 31:12
  to another way of doing things or a blended way of doing things when you say something negative
• 31:19
  about a person's expression or a way that things have been done you automatically lose out on an
• 31:25
  ally that you need so in navigating power dynamics you have to honor the power that the other person
• 31:31
  possesses so that they are more willing to incorporate your perspective your views into how things
• 31:38
  can become better when I see younger generations working with older generations I know that they're
• 31:43
  very zealous and they want to get their ideas out and they want to tell them all of all of the ways
• 31:47
  that they can change things but I think that they end up doing that at the detriment of making the
• 31:53
  other person feel old antiquated and no longer useful and that shuts them down and so in order to
• 31:58
  really build a bridge that is worthy of two generations crossing you have to honor what the other
• 32:05
  person brings to the table and I think that's in a relationship and in business because my husband
• 32:09
  he's more of a macro thinker I'm more of a micro thinker and so I need his macro perspective of
• 32:15
  things but he needs me to be micro because I'm going to execute it and get it done and so we have
• 32:20
  to honor the power that the other person possesses at amazing what when you go into when you go into a
• 32:27
  relationship or a business engagement because with your husband you know how he works and you know
• 32:34
  what he brings to the table when you're going into a conversation with somebody new and you
• 32:40
  know you're doing a negotiation or you're trying to figure out how to do a deal together
• 32:44
  how do you going to that that discussion figure out how that person operates quickly so that you
• 32:52
  can figure out whether or not you should bring more or sort of take a step back I'm constantly
• 32:58
  asking questions when we walk into potential business partnerships I think that we often
• 33:05
  oversell ourselves and we don't hear enough from the other person and if you're not sure about
• 33:11
  what you bring to the table you can oversell yourself trying to prove that you deserve to be in the
• 33:16
  room and then miss out on the opportunity to fully understand who it is that you're sitting across
• 33:21
  from and so generally when we're talking about partnership it's because we have something that the
• 33:25
  other person could benefit from and they have something that we could benefit from and so
• 33:29
  understanding how they have been able to provide value to previous clients or partners to understand
• 33:37
  just from the to the extent that they're able to share what it is that they feel like they can
• 33:40
  offer to you to ask them questions about where do you feel like you have an opportunity for growth
• 33:46
  within your organization what does dreaming look like for you what does success look like for you
• 33:50
  because I need to understand whether or not this is a temporary partnership or something that has
• 33:55
  potential for longevity and that helps me when I understand what their ultimate goals are
• 34:00
  understanding what their turnover is what type of organization is this because I hate doing
• 34:04
  business with the deal maker and then when it's time for me to actually work with the people
• 34:08
  who are going to execute those people are constantly turning over and so who would directly
• 34:13
  be dealing with back I mean there are all kinds of questions to understand what power they bring
• 34:17
  to the table and whether or not it's going to be valuable for you and for how long it will be
• 34:21
  valuable to you no so you've mentioned three questions that you should ask a partner before you get
• 34:27
  into a marriage with them or an engagement you mentioned what is your shared experience I'm telling
• 34:32
  you in case you don't remember when you when you put these out into the world but no I got you
• 34:37
  I'm not not that bad I'm not going to make you remember every interview you've ever done but used
• 34:41
  to guess suggested what are your shared expressions of faith what is the most traumatic experience you've
• 34:46
  had in your life and how does that basically show up in your present and what brings you joy
• 34:51
  and you mentioned these three questions before you engage with the partner I was curious
• 34:56
  you have questions and you can just think of them on the fly just meaningful questions that you
• 35:01
  think you'd ask somebody before you get into a business relationship with them okay so you're
• 35:06
  putting me on the stop on the spot so I know okay so I would say what made you start
• 35:14
  uh because I want to give you a cash and a purpose behind how you got to wherever you are I want
• 35:21
  to hear about a time where you almost quit because if you're in business and you have an almost
• 35:26
  quit yeah you're full of it like cuz don't lie to me maybe you didn't pull the plug maybe
• 35:33
  didn't fire anybody but tell me about a time where you thought to yourself I almost quit and
• 35:39
  maybe what kept you going I like that those are good because those are let's give you a good
• 35:46
  podcaster you have these like beautiful open end of questions no they're very good they're very
• 35:52
  good because then you started to see the real person which at the end of the day I mean business
• 35:56
  is just human to human and I think people forget that too like you're just doing business with other
• 36:00
  people everything is so transactional and then I think COVID and zoom probably didn't help but it's
• 36:05
  all human to human at the end of the day um talk to me about so you built out um woman evolve
• 36:15
  so we're talking about concepts and ideas that can help anybody but talk to me about the movement
• 36:21
  behind woman evolve what what is the the unique value that woman evolve brings to the table what
• 36:27
  is the unique problem you're trying to solve for because you mentioned you you talked to a whole
• 36:32
  bunch of different groups you talked to people of color underrepresented minorities you speak to
• 36:37
  people just the world that large obviously women evolve is focused on women so what's the problem
• 36:44
  okay so woman evolve is solving a problem for people who want it to women in general who want it to
• 36:55
  believe in something bigger than themselves but also did not want to lose themselves in the process
• 37:03
  of it so I grew up in church and I was a teen mother and so I grew up in church but I really didn't
• 37:10
  feel like it was a part of my life it wasn't something that I could really plug into and then I
• 37:16
  also grew up on 90s hip hop and rap and I'm just like I don't think that the two could ever meet
• 37:22
  and when I started woman evolve I was you know sharing my story but I also wanted to create an
• 37:27
  environment where someone felt safe enough to bring all of themselves into a room where they could
• 37:32
  connect with like-minded people and have an encounter that was intentional and spiritual but also
• 37:40
  practical in helping them to navigate health and wellness and pursuing their dreams and their
• 37:47
  goals and to leave with tools and resources and so it started off I was thinking about it just as
• 37:52
  an event where I wanted to create an environment where these women felt safe enough a lot of times
• 37:58
  for women's events we have events for a profession for corporate women we have events for entrepreneurs
• 38:03
  or just spiritual events and I'm like how do we create a space that incorporates all of
• 38:07
  who a woman is so she can bring all of herself into a space from there it kind of offsight we've got
• 38:12
  a podcast a subscription on the main channel we've got a really intentional social media
• 38:17
  following in devotional and courses because what I learned is that though the events were great
• 38:22
  that they really wanted to figure out how do I walk this out day to day and so our job then began
• 38:27
  to create content and connection points that allowed for them to continue what happened in that
• 38:33
  room and incorporate it into their day to day lives and so from that space we've gotten an
• 38:39
  opportunity to be really creative about understanding market needs and creating the type of content
• 38:45
  that is accessible and also robust enough to fulfill them in the areas where they felt they had left
• 38:52
  I'm curious why you mentioned this and it's interesting why when women I don't know
• 38:58
  trying to build or upscale or take themselves to the next level why did you say that sometimes
• 39:06
  women lose themselves man first of all a woman who was decided to scale in any way outside of
• 39:17
  what society accepts is really being rebellious in a way that I think we underestimate
• 39:28
  we're rebelling against status quo we're rebelling against norm sometimes we're rebelling against
• 39:33
  what's acceptable within our culture and I don't think we realize when we begin to pursue whatever
• 39:40
  scaling looks like for us just how difficult it's going to be to establish ourselves outside of
• 39:47
  what has been accepted and I think in the process of trying to establish ourselves that we I'm an
• 39:54
  analogy person so if you can imagine someone like breaking outside of their norm leaving their
• 40:01
  comfort zone you know maybe they get a tint maybe they get an apartment it takes a minute before
• 40:07
  you decide where you're going to build a house and I think that a lot of people get lost in between
• 40:13
  the breakout and the establishing and it takes a person of real humility and commitment to keep
• 40:19
  going even in the midst of that discouragement and so I think women evolve and others like it there's
• 40:25
  so many incredible brands that dedicate themselves to meeting people in that middle ground are
• 40:31
  meant to help you keep going so you don't snap back into what was comfortable but maybe not
• 40:36
  constructive and then so when so outside of like the resources and the community which I think
• 40:43
  is huge because having people around you that are on the same path is life changing I mean we don't
• 40:50
  have to accomplish it on our own it's really difficult and I think a lot of people get in their own
• 40:55
  at and self-sabotage but outside of community resources courses all you just listed like 10 different
• 41:01
  things if you're going to give one piece of advice to a woman and I needed to come from you because
• 41:08
  this is not the perspective that I will ever have so I want to upskill myself I want to take myself
• 41:12
  to the next level I don't want to lose myself I don't want people to look at me like I'm pushing
• 41:19
  too hard or whatever the whatever the stigma is that I'm scared of there's probably a million
• 41:23
  one stigmas that I'm scared of everyone has stigmas that they're scared of so how do I make sure
• 41:30
  that I don't lose my like what's the what's the the main takeaway the main idea so I don't lose
• 41:35
  myself on this journey I'm going on you can even say for you like when you when you moved away from
• 41:41
  I mean like first of all like 90s hip-hop nothing wrong big e-pop like that's listen the last album
• 41:45
  that I liked was like the future Drake album and then like in my opinion rap went down hill after
• 41:49
  that but I don't know I feel like the old person I want to keep up but I can't what are we doing now I
• 41:56
  get it I can't I can't keep up so yeah so like 90s hip-hop no problem with that but you you still
• 42:02
  want your identity right you still want your identity and you care as as anyone does how you're
• 42:09
  perceived so as you upskill as you build shit as you conquer life for yourself how did you how did
• 42:17
  you not lose yourself what was and it doesn't have there's no right or wrong answer it could be
• 42:21
  god it could be faith it could be family it could be I mean it could be going outside of the city
• 42:27
  and going camping or or going to see family like once a year because that grounds you and it
• 42:31
  brings you back to yeah whatever it is I'm just curious what has worked for you I will say that
• 42:38
  pursuing success without a love of self will always be very dangerous because it will be
• 42:46
  very difficult to separate your outcomes from your identity and that means that even the
• 42:54
  great outcomes you're going to think represent who you are and the negative ones represent who
• 42:59
  you are I will say that before you attempt to scale yourself that you've got to find a way to
• 43:05
  really love yourself with no additions with no scaling to really love yourself and for me my faith
• 43:13
  is a part of that but also when you love yourself you know how to feed yourself you know what makes
• 43:19
  you feel whole what makes you feel complete like I do need to go camping I need to be on my own
• 43:24
  like you got to love the way that you're showing up in the world and what feeds you and that's what
• 43:29
  we're holding on to we're holding on to that home that sense of home that exists within yourself
• 43:35
  so that no matter how successful or how terrible the outcomes are you know how to draw a sword
• 43:42
  between what I did and who I am and I think from that space you're able to protect yourself
• 43:48
  and as you invite different people to be on the journey of loving you with helping you
• 43:54
  of partnering with you on a core level I mean like intimate relationships and friendships
• 43:59
  do you got to trust that they love what you love about you too because part of being in relationship
• 44:04
  with someone is signing up to help them protect their core from a world that often tries to deplete us
• 44:12
  I wonder I wonder when you speak to people do you feel like they try and scale
• 44:17
  to get fulfillment and try and build to get fulfillment as opposed to finding that first in themselves
• 44:25
  like is entrepreneurship almost like an escape mechanism what well you for sure I'm careful to call it
• 44:32
  an escape mechanism I think that it is it's what the world applies I mean we have so many people
• 44:41
  online telling you like hey you gotta have a bit if you don't have this you're not that if you're
• 44:45
  not this you're not that and I think entrepreneurship becomes like that care dangling in front of us
• 44:52
  or success in general becomes the care dangling in front of us but no one is asking the question
• 44:57
  like what does success look like for you because you were going to be chasing yourself burning
• 45:02
  out over someone else's definition of success and so I do think that we get caught up trying to
• 45:10
  achieve a world that you know some other influencer or content creator told us would make us happy
• 45:16
  only to find out that it did it make us happy maybe it works for them but it didn't work for us
• 45:22
  and so I do think that if we are not really finding a way to embrace who we are that we're going
• 45:27
  to embrace who someone else thinks we should be yeah and that this is bringing it full circle now
• 45:34
  if somebody I know you've kind of touched on this but I just want to sort of highlight
• 45:37
  this one more time if somebody is trying to figure out what their north star is and trying to
• 45:42
  figure out what their version of successes how do they find that because this that probably that
• 45:49
  self-awareness is probably what leads to all the positive outcome and all the things that we're
• 45:53
  talking about right now but you have to know where you're heading yeah I will say that I think the
• 46:01
  ultimate success that any human can experience is to leave each person each opportunity
• 46:09
  better than they were before they had an encounter with them and today or to ask the question how
• 46:15
  can I make my corner of the world better than it was after I'm gone and to take advantage of
• 46:23
  any opportunity or resource that would allow your better to become great a lot of times people
• 46:32
  become incredibly successful entrepreneurs so that their profit can serve underserved communities so
• 46:41
  entrepreneurship is not bad like the idea of profitability and success is necessary to help
• 46:47
  many people but I think that if you stop at just profitability because you just want to be
• 46:53
  rich you know I think that you've missed I don't know unique opportunity to say and what can I do
• 46:58
  with my wealth that makes the world a better place because money itself it you know it feels nice
• 47:04
  to have options it feels nice to live better but then there comes a point where you realize that
• 47:09
  even that is going to pass away and that I want to leave something in the earth that leaves this
• 47:14
  world better and so I say start with being better start with doing better start with making
• 47:20
  others better and then see where that takes you you know when we talk about entrepreneurship a lot
• 47:26
  of people speak about mentors all the time and they speak about different kinds of mentors and how
• 47:30
  to find mentors and what and that's great um we don't have to go into that because that's been
• 47:33
  done to death so the thing that I actually appreciate with you is you actually speak about different
• 47:38
  ecosystems besides mentors you speak about family you speak about community it could be you could
• 47:43
  be like people on your block or it could be people in like an actual religious community there's
• 47:48
  different types of communities you speak about work and you speak about power dynamics but I'm
• 47:52
  power dynamics are interesting but I'm also more curious about as you grow and you succeed
• 48:00
  what is the relationship like with all these different groups outside of mentors mentors people
• 48:06
  get it you need mentors it helps you with figuring out shit and you don't have to figure out really
• 48:10
  about the wheel but all these different groups that are part of your life I think people struggle
• 48:14
  myself included understanding what place they fit in this nonstop work trying to build the next
• 48:22
  thing trying to hustle all the time environment because these people were part of your life at one
• 48:25
  point friend groups family for sure um and sometimes they don't understand or they don't fit into
• 48:32
  this nice defined cookie cutter version of entrepreneurship so what is this what are these groups
• 48:38
  to you I mean outside of the fact you work with your family but for somebody maybe who doesn't
• 48:43
  I've had to and I just recently started working with my family but I think I've had to
• 48:50
  communicate to my ecosystems how I am changing and so with any ecosystem one role changing disrupts
• 48:59
  the rest of the ecosystem and disruptions not necessarily bad it just means that things are
• 49:04
  moving differently and I think a lot of times we don't allow that ecosystem to be disrupted we either
• 49:10
  stay away from it or we try to fit into this version of ourselves that they used to know so that we
• 49:16
  don't disregulate anything but communication is the way that we introduce the disruption while
• 49:22
  also maintaining this place that we want that ecosystem to still exist in and so I would say
• 49:28
  where do you want these people to fit where do you want your family to fit where do you want your
• 49:32
  friends to fit and what's keeping them from fitting in that space if you are at a space where like
• 49:37
  I just released this book I was gone three to four weeks I'm doing interviews all of the time I'm
• 49:42
  not the same friend that they were used to connecting to but I told them that like hey I'm going through
• 49:48
  a season right now we're taking everything I have and even that which I don't have to launch this
• 49:53
  book and so I'm sorry I haven't responded to your messages but this is where I am so I just didn't
• 49:58
  allow the ecosystem to be disrupted without there being communication there are some people who are
• 50:03
  like no I totally get it I'm still going to text you all of the time and check when you can respond
• 50:08
  or not respond there's some people are like you know what if you can be consistent I'm going to pull
• 50:11
  back and have my own space like giving them permission to respond however they need to respond
• 50:16
  is important but I think you have an opportunity to figure out where you want them to fit
• 50:21
  and then communicating how you're changing so that they are able to understand what they can
• 50:25
  expect from you I will say this and then I'll be quiet I think that one of the greatest mistakes
• 50:31
  that we make you don't have to be quiet on a podcast it's fine I think one of the greatest
• 50:39
  mistakes we make when we are scaling in any way whether it's our personal development or professional
• 50:45
  development is that we expect for people to automatically expand at the rate of our scaling
• 50:51
  and some people have the capacity to expand but we don't tell them how we need them to expand
• 50:58
  and so we end up resenting people for not making space for us but we didn't even tell them they
• 51:04
  were growing and it was important to me that I wrote a book that wasn't like if they don't get it
• 51:11
  burned and breathed because like these are that's great for an Instagram clip like if they can't
• 51:15
  go with you to the next level then leave them there like grow this in my mother okay like I don't
• 51:19
  want to leave her there Instagram's a little wild sometimes with the advice that you get but
• 51:24
  yes but you know I think communication is everything and I just wouldn't underestimate
• 51:30
  their ability to grow with you yeah how is it how is it worth like this strategy in your life
• 51:36
  I mean it's not always perfect how's it worked for you um I deal with my children I deal with
• 51:41
  my husband um usually my step is season so I know that it's going to take me about six eight weeks
• 51:49
  to really launch this book in a way that's going to change the way that we connect but then I'm going
• 51:56
  to take summer down with my kids and we're going to go on a Disney cruise and I'm going to let
• 52:00
  them drive me crazy like I'm going to swing the pendulum in the other direction I do think it is
• 52:06
  unfair to just constantly ask for someone to sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice without being willing
• 52:13
  to give something in return and I think that when I ask them to sacrifice while also knowing how I'm
• 52:19
  going to give in return that it is easier for them to make room for me I love this okay um I want
• 52:26
  to bring two more ideas out of the book um and then we'll we'll do a couple just a couple last
• 52:32
  questions to wrap this up um first question what has been one lesson that is from the book that
• 52:38
  we didn't talk about that you think is really really important well each chapter ends with this
• 52:45
  three-prong um called action and it's marinate activate prey and so marinating is like if you have
• 52:53
  this new idea this new way of thinking this new way of being that you want to introduce into your
• 52:59
  life like try to avoid just closing the book and activating it immediately like take a minute and
• 53:04
  let it marinate how's it going to change your life how's it going to change your patterns and routines
• 53:08
  who's going to be most affected by it so let's let it marinate and then once it's marinated and you
• 53:13
  kind of sized it up here is a one way that you can begin to activate it and then prayer such an
• 53:19
  important part to me because of my faith and for someone else it may just be meditating and sitting
• 53:23
  in stillness uh but that is when I get to like reconcile the costs of this activation the grief
• 53:30
  connected with me changing the way it's disrupted my world and how that's hard even though it's
• 53:35
  necessary and the help in supporting guidance I need and moving forward is what I get through prayer
• 53:41
  so I think that's really important marinate activate prey I love it what is one thing I mean the
• 53:48
  book is very recent so obviously not much has changed but I will ask you anyways what is one
• 53:53
  thing that today you wish just thinking back you're like I wish I included this in the book and I
• 54:01
  didn't put it in whatever reason and maybe the editors maybe it was too long maybe it was something
• 54:06
  to happen to be in the past week and a half what's one thing that you're like damn it that really
• 54:11
  should have been part of this and will probably be the next book but that's for the future
• 54:15
  I wish that I would have created I used a dictionary definition of power because I wanted it to be
• 54:24
  fluid enough to meet different situations but I wish I would have come up with my own definition of
• 54:29
  power do you have it do you have one a little bit okay what's the what's the raw version with the
• 54:36
  caveat that this is not that's not prep thank you right don't hold me to it but I would consider
• 54:43
  power authenticity resiliency joy determination and humility combined in this like potent
• 54:59
  potent cocktail of who you are I think all of those things combined and learning to navigate them
• 55:06
  and trust them and allow them to show up in every space of your life as power I like that
• 55:11
  definition I like that definition a lot you should run yeah well then run over listen so this
• 55:17
  this obviously books are not easy things to do like there are a lot of work but next one you got
• 55:22
  it you got a new definite power 2.0 whatever it will figure it out where do you want to send people
• 55:30
  obviously obviously so Amazon anywhere you get your books you can go by power moves now is there
• 55:39
  anywhere else that you want to send people social website anything like that and I'm on the
• 55:45
  socials on you know I'm probably most active on Instagram Sarah Jake's Roberts but yeah they get
• 55:51
  the book I pray that that'll be enough to help them know everything they need to know about me perfect
• 55:57
  okay and then last thing I just always like this you've lived a good life through many seasons
• 56:03
  looking back now I would be one lesson you would tell your 20 year old self I would
• 56:11
  tell my 20 year old so to there to be present in my body and in my life and my 20s I was so busy
• 56:22
  you know as a teen mom I was so busy trying to like beat the statistic beat the odds prove
• 56:27
  everyone wrong that I was like all mind all mental and I think that I would have encouraged I
• 56:33
  would encourage myself to be present in my body and to really trust my good and my core and my
• 56:40
  instincts in a way that I don't think my mind could have ever given me the wisdom that my core was
• 56:46
  trying to give me