Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 198. #4 Top Episode of 2025: Letting Go of Control: Trusting God with Your Adult Children

Transcript

198. #4 Top Episode of 2025: Letting Go of Control: Trusting God with Your Adult Children · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, this is Pamela and you're listening to the midlife mama podcast.
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: The podcast for moms want to know how to launch their kids and enjoy their empty nest.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am your host Pamela Hinklman.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am a certified, empty nest coach and mama of five adult kids.
• 0:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Most emptiness moms struggle to let go, maintain healthy boundaries and find their purpose.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: On this show, I'll be your compassionate guide to help you launch your kids and enjoy life with your husband in your empty nest.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: By having an eye are loving this phase of life and I have strong relationship with my five grown kids.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to listen to the end because each episode I'll have a coaching tip.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is one actionable step that can improve your relationship with your adult children or your husband.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have one request.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you found this episode helpful, would you please leave a rating and review?
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you review the podcast, it helps it be distributed to more listeners.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes on how to leave a review.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to follow or subscribe to the podcast so you can find the episodes later.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get started!
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey Mama!
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the Midlife Mama podcast, the place for
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're counting down my top four episodes of 2025.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Coming in at number four is episode 171.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go of control, trusting God with your adult children.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy this repeat episode.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today's episode is a tender one because we're talking about something most of us moms wrestle with behind closed doors.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go of control and trusting God with our adult children.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you found yourself lying awake at night, replaying their choices wondering if you should have said more, done more or prayed harder, this conversation is for you.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're digging into the deep stuff today.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: What control really looks like in this season and why it's so hard to release it and how you can step into peace and freedom by trusting the one who loves your child even more than you do.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: So take a deep breath, grab your coffee or your walking shoes and let's lean into this together.
• 2:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go of control and trusting God with our adult children can be one of the hardest things for moms, especially if we spent years nurturing guiding and praying for them.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we're honest, no mom wants to raise her hand it and met, yeah, I'm a complete control freak when it comes to my kids.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: We bristle and like to avoid reality, but at the core, many of us struggle with being in charge.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It showed up in our hovering and intervening and desiring never to see our children struggle or fail.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: We continually rescued them from their poor choices or trials and hoped it would improve.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now that they're grown, we struggle with worry and sleepless nights wondering if they're doing okay, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, financially and academically.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We hope they pick the right mate, land the perfect job, and stroll through life unscathes.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: In her book, it's all under control, Jennifer Dukesley said, you may need to let go of that deluded belief that if you worry about something enough, it will resolve itself.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: On this, that one hits us in the gut, doesn't it?
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Worry is delusion.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing good ever comes of worry except that we lose our peace.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't change anything for our adult kids' lives, and it simply makes us miserable.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: We feel the pull to rescue and vise and influence their choices, but we are called to trust God.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: This season is a beautiful invitation to deeper faith.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: As we release control, we submit to God's work in our lives and our grown kids lives.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: We humble ourselves and lean in, as God says, I'll take it from here, Mama, rest in me.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hold all things together.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: This was never a burden you were to bear.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here are some powerful steps to help you release control and truly trust God.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, recognize what's yours and what's God's.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remind yourself that you are no longer the manager but a mentor.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Understanding this shift is monumental for a mom with grown children.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Resisting this growth stage will hamper your connection with your kids.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They will pull away angered by your controlling habits.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your child is now responsible for their own choices.
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: God doesn't ask you to fix everything.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: He asks you to entrust them to him.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your role is shifted, but your prayers are so powerful.
• 4:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: God hears every plea, and will settle your heart as you talk to him.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, trade control for connection.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Controlling behavior often stems from fear.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're afraid of outcomes beyond your reach and your fearful of their choices and how they will make you look as a mom.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You race them to know God and it's not your fault if they choose differently now, but you do not control the choices your grown kids make.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have free will.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's what happens, fear ultimately blocks intimacy.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And instead of trying to control outcomes, focus on building a safe, loving relationship with your adult child where they know they are accepted even when making different choices than what you'd hope.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Focus on maintaining open communication where your child receives unconditional love.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let God deal with them about their choices
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is the foundation of our families, and when our marriage is strong, our families are strong, when our marriage is struggling, our family's struggle too.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: We all know we should prioritize our marriages, however, in the business of life, it's easy to push our marriages to the side and say, we will focus on that later.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you are feeling the nudge to invest in your marriage, Christian parenting's newest digital guide, Marriage Simplified, is the resource for you, additionally, if you're struggling with the difficult conversations that surround.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Divorce blending families in laws or single parenting, we cover those topics head-on too.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Inside this guide, you will find our best and favorite podcast videos and articles on all things marriage.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: You will also find conversation guides and discussion questions for your spouse and your kids.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: The best part is, since this guide is digital, you can download it straight to your phone or computer and search through resources whenever you need them.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is far from simple and no guide can truly simplify it, but we are so glad that you're taking the time to pour over these resources and strengthen the relationship and family that God has blessed you with.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can go to cpgive.org to download your copy for just $5.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the best of the best resources from top Christian parenting contributors for just $5.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's cphgive.org.
• 7:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: The third way to release control is to pray instead of push.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you feel the urge to give advice or step in, pause and pray.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask, God, what do you want me to say or not say right now?
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then also ask, how can I show love instead of fear?
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you pause, you make room for the Holy Spirit to intervene in a situation that you might want to control.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: As you listen for God's voice, he will guide you when to speak and be quiet.
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember the power of a word at least spoken.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It seems like this is the season of less talking and more listening.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember prayer is how we fight spiritual battles without straining our relationships.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our communion with God is the foundation of our peace and as we release control, we invite our mighty God to intervene in our child's life.
• 8:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: As we settle in his embrace, we ask him to rule over our fear.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: The fourth way to release control is to surrender daily.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Goodness, releasing control is not a one time act.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is daily surrender.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: God calls us to live a life surrendered.
• 8:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: When fear rises instead of seeking to control, use it as an invitation to surrender.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some moms find it helpful to say this each morning.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: God, I place and then put your child's name in there in your hands today.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I trust you with their hearts, their choices, and their futures.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Open your hands as you release them to God.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Surrender as many times as you need.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Write it in a journal, speak it out loud, ask God to infuse your spirit with his strength, then surrender again and again until you feel his peace rush in.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you are conquering fear.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is what this is all about.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: The fifth way to release control is to cling to God's promises, one way to still the fear is to cling to God's promises, fill your mind with truth to quiet the what ifs.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's a few that you could try.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Second, Thessalonians 33, the Lord is faithful and He will strengthen and protect them.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Philippians 1-6, he who began a good work in them will carry it on to completion.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: In Isaiah 46-4, even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he who will sustain you.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Write some passages on index cards and carry one throughout your day.
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: When worry rises up, fight back with the truth of God's work, simply pull out that little card and read it.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: put one up on your bathroom mirror, leave one in your car, put one by the kitchen sink, this simple practice will invite immeasurable peace after all.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't be worried while we're counting God's faithfulness.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: The sixth way to release control is to release the guilt.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel heavy guilt over past mistakes?
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, first of all, I want you to know about your not alone in that.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: We all feel regret.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you live with regret and shame, you're haunted by past mistakes, impariting decisions, but guilt keeps you stuck in control.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: You hold on tightly, longing to change outcomes,
• 10:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the solution.
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace sets you free to be a mom of peace instead of pressure.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You need to accept that you did the best you could with the knowledge that you had.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can experience grace for yourself and your grown children.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, Jesus already carried your guilt.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You do not have to.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: The seventh way to release control is to surround yourself with encouragement.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Find your tribe of midlife moms who understand this struggle with control and will support you as you learn new habits.
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Walk with other women who are also learning to trust God with their adult kids.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's a Bible study, a prayer group, a neighbor, or a podcast like the midlife mama podcast.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't do this alone.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go of control isn't about giving up, it's about giving over, it's about placing our adult children into the hands of the one who loves them even more than we do.
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: As hard as it is to release that grip, we can breathe easier knowing that God's plans are always good, even when we can't see the full picture.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So mama, take heart.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to carry the weight of your grown kids' lives.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: You were never meant to.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, step into this new season with open hands, a surrendered heart, and a deep trust in God's goodness.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep praying, keep showing up and love, and keep reminding yourself.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's got them, and he's got you too.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week, I want you to pray instead of push.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pause and ask, God, what do you want me to say or not say right now?
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And how can I show love instead of fear?
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, I know this isn't easy.
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: We love our kids fiercely and the idea of losing our grip can feel scary, even impossible at times, but here's what I want you to remember.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go of control isn't the same as letting go of love.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, it's one of the most loving things you can do for them and for you.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you surrender your child into God's hands, you're not stepping back, you're stepping into a deeper trust and faith.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: you're choosing peace and connection over control.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So keep praying, keep showing up with gentleness and grace, and keep trusting that God is still writing their story, just as he is still writing yours.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if today's episode encourages you, would you share it with another mom who might need this message?
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're not meant to walk this journey alone.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And remember, you're doing better than you think.
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: God's got your kids and he's holding you too.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Come back for episode 172, a conversation with my guest, Rose Jordan, uncultivating a devotional life that leads to surrender.
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll see you then.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for listening.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: As an emptiness coach, I invite you to book a free connection call so we can discuss how I can help you.
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find the sign-up link in the show notes.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also invite you to connect with me outside of the show.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you enjoyed this conversation and want to connect, go find me on Instagram.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: My username is P.H.H.Komen.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, and if you're on Facebook Lover by me at Pamela Hinklman M-T-N-S-T-Coach, remember mama, I'm here for you.